EastEnders (1985–…): Season 1, Episode 6300 - Episode #1.6300 - full transcript

Mitch gets a job as a taxi driver at Kat's new cab business.

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Hey, wait up.

About this job interview today...

Taxi driver extraordinaire.

Look, er, I'm all over it, babe.

I just got to relax and be myself.

Yeah, that's the last
thing you want to do.

No, you've got to give
off "success vibes".

My suit, my smile and my sex appeal,

I'm on full-on charm offensive!

Good, cos we need the extra cash.

I can't afford for
you to stuff this up.



I'll see you both later, yeah?
See you, babe. Oh, yeah!

It's Bonus-day, baby! This could be
the answer to all our problems.

And if he gets this job
as well, we are on the up.

You want to take a leaf out of her
book, "success vibes".

SHE LAUGHS

Why are you following me?

SHE CHUCKLES

I know this from my old man, trying
to find a decent cabbie is hard.

Why? All you got to do is drive?

Yeah, that and bore
people senseless.

Don't encourage him.

Can you stop kicking that
football about in here?!

Got a hangover? Oi, oi, oi.

Don't talk to your mother like that.



Fine, I'm sorry, Mum.

I'll be outside.

"Got a hangover?" Cheeky little...

I'm saving that for the big opening,
and the launch of our app.

I've ordered a ton of fizz.

Did you hear that?

We're having a launch party
for the laundrette next week.

He might enjoy it.

What, watching you cut a red
ribbon off a washing machine?

Well, it's a cab firm an' all.

You like cars, don't you, eh?

I've got some being delivered later,
you might want to take a look.

No, we're good, thanks.
He's got nursery.

Kids dream of being
footballers and superheroes,

not some old man who washes people's
undies for a living.

SHE LAUGHS

I'm only joking, Phil!

Smell the air, Rainie!

Right? Jack's chasing
down this Croatia lead.

We're about to stick
our bun in Bernie's oven.

I've got a good
feeling about today, you know?

Yeah, and here she is, look!
The woman of the moment,

or the womb of the moment!

How you feeling?
Are you ready for this?

Er, yeah, I guess.

Um, about the money.

You did say about the first
instalment be...being today?

Oi! What you playing at?

I'm keeping a record of things -
of a before and after!

Come on. Smile for Daddy!

You won't be smiling
in nine months' time

when the little blighter's
trying to force his way

out of your lady garden. No need
the horror stories, thank you.

You want horror stories,
you should hear about the damage

our Stuart did to his mum.

I mean, look at the size
of his magnificent head.

THEY CHUCKLE

Oi! Where are you doing?

I'm coming along to
check they do it properly.

And if I don't like the
cut of this doctor's jib,

well, you'll have to do
it the old-fashioned way.

No, they won't!
Oi! She can't get in that cab!

Come on, babe.
She's all excited now.

Rainie... Imagine living
with that for life.

I heard that, Lorraine!

You were meant to!

Rainie! Sorry...

I'm just checking that you're still
good to do

the first instalment today,
like we agreed.

Yeah, yeah, of course! No problem.

I know we did the right thing
giving him that package.

I just...I keep thinking that Jack's
going to walk through the door

with Max by his side.

Was last night a good party?

Not really, no.

No, we had a good time.
She's just a bit tired.

Tired, yeah!

Like I said, I weren't in the mood.

But why would anyone listen to me?!

It's her hormones.

Here, I've just seen that
Rocky doing the walk of shame

out of Kathy's house.

So what?

I'm not bothered.

Last night was such a bad idea.

Oi!

So, how did you get on
at the police station?

I was late for my appointment.

Oh, you're kidding me! Oh, relax.

They were a bit annoyed, but it's
just a couple of stolen handbags.

Charged and bailed,
court case in a couple of months.

Just want to forget about it, Mum,

and take my mind off it
with a gorgeous man.

Right, yeah, well,
I'm taking the kids to the dentist.

Yeah, I'll see you
in the office. All right.

Oh, yeah, good luck getting
him out on a school night.

Oh, I can be very persuasive
when I want to be.

Is that why you're never home?

Sure is.

Gray!

Um, what am I doing
for dinner tonight?

How should I know?

All right, leave it with me.

SHE CHUCKLES

WHISPERS: That's my girl. Hm.

See, when I'm behind the wheel,

I am at one with the vehicle.

And the symbiotic relationship

creates the ultimate travel
experience for my passengers.

See, the best taxi drivers
shouldn't just take you from A to B,

they should take you on
a journey through life!

You got a clean driving licence?

Yeah.

OK, we'll be in touch.

What, is that it?

No character tests
or moral dilemmas or nothing?

All right, yeah, I've got one.
All right.

All right, you've got
a bag of cash, a cute puppy,

and the love of your life
in a burning building.

You got to save one,
which one will it be? Quick!

Er...

It's going to be Karen
every time, innit?

"Love of your life?"

SHE CHUCKLES

No, no, she said "Karen,
bag of money or a cute puppy."

No, I said, "Love of your life."

I was confused, wasn't I?
I was under pressure.

Have I got the job or what?

After the grief
I'm going to get from this, I mean,

I think you owe me one.

All right, you're in.

You are not going to regret this.
THEY LAUGH

HE HUMS CHEERILY

Oh, by the way, don't
read too much into that

"love of your life" business.

Yeah, I was just trying to
impress her. Is that right?

Yeah, I'd come and get you, you
know, after I saved the puppy dog.

SHE LAUGHS

Is that right?!

I'm so sorry about Vi.

No, it's all right.

At one point, I thought she was
going to pull on some rubber gloves

and do the job herself.

And why does she keep
going on about Whitney?

Yeah, that's what she calls Ben.

You're kidding me.

She knows I'm gay, right?

Oh, do not get her
started on lesbians.

"If they could get
themselves a man, they would."

Here, it's funny, innit?

Like, I could be pregnant,
like, right now.

And if this is going to work,

then it's in here.

It's already started growing.

Yeah.

I guess so.

Before I give you this,
there's something you should know.

Me and Stuart, we've got a cash-flow
problem at the moment.

I don't understand. The money ain't
exactly what you was expecting.

But it should be enough to
cover your expenses for now.

That wasn't the agreement.

We said a third of the money now.

Yeah, and we will pay you
the rest eventually.

When?

I promise you, you won't
be out of pocket for long.

You're ripping me off. No, darling.

You let me go to that clinic.

You let me go
through that procedure!

And I could be pregnant right now!

And then you're just scamming me!

Bernie... I can't...
I can't believe this.

Bernie... No!

Look, I'm all understanding
about mental illness, seriously.

I mean, I give to charity
when they stop me in the streets.

But my kids are in
that house, Denise.

Somebody should've told me
that I'm living with a man

who has schizophrenia.

Well, I'm sure if they thought
there was any real risk to the kids,

they would have done.

Anyway, look, the
important thing now is

that we find ways to support Isaac.

We can't force him, though, can we?

I mean, if he doesn't want to get
help from medical professionals,

I mean, there ain't
nothing we can do about it!

Doesn't mean we just give up on him.

Patrick and Sheree,
they need our support too.

Look, I get it.

I do, I really do.

Patrick's walking round like
he's haunted or something.

And Sheree just keeps crying
all the time.

OK, I know. Why don't we have fish
and chips for dinner tonight

with the kids.

You know the little ones
always cheer them up.

Pearl and Mica will love that.

All right, then, so you're
going to keep an eye on them, yeah?

Because I might be late.
Oh, you mean baby-sit?

Nah! What kind of
mug do you take me for?!

What? I mean, I've got a life.
I've got a life too.

You reckon?

Ooh, hello, stranger.

Stranger? You're
the stranger these days.

Oh, you mean Conrad! Mm!

Yeah, yeah. You like? You like?

I have to say,
he's very popular. OK.

Yeah, he's got it all.

He's got the job,
the car, the money.

Er, no, he's got a kid.

Deal me out.

Says the girl fawning over
father of the year, Gray Atkins.

It's just a bit of fun, Mother, to
take my mind off this court case.

Expensive nights out,
no strings attached.

PHONE RINGS

Oh, there we go.

That's dinner sorted for tonight.

Don't wait up.

SHE CHUCKLES

Oh, Bernie.

Are you OK?

Hey, what's up?

Everything I have done, the risks
that I've taken to lose weight,

the about of money that I have
spent has all been for nothing.

Well, not nothing,
but it might as well be.

Slow down, yeah? Take a breath.

I went to the clinic
today and got inseminated.

Already?

And it weren't no
a picnic, you know?

There was a ton of these
official-looking forms to fill in...

..and...

..lying there on that bed...

..it was so embarrassing, Tiff.

But...

..I just closed my eyes
and thought of the money...

..what it was going to do
for us all.

And then Rainie turns around and
says that's she's paying me less.

She what?!

Said that, "You'll get
the rest one day."

But...I don't know!

I-I don't know if I trust her.

Tiff, what should I do?

You leave this with me.

SHE SOBS

Did you apologise to Frankie?

Me apologise?

She's the one that threw
a birthday baby shower

when I said I didn't want one.

Mum, she was trying to
do something nice for you.

All right. I'll talk to her.

She wouldn't have done
it in the first place,

if she knew who the baby's dad was.

The more people that know, the
higher the risk of Max finding out.

This is family, though, innit?

We're already on thin ice with
Jack trying to track him down.

I just think if we tell
me mother and Frankie,

they'd help us cover it up
a bit. Shirley as well? No!

Absolutely not!

Right, it stays
between the three of us.

Looking good, Mitchell.

So much more than an old man
who washes people's underpants.

Don't start.

You know I'm only joking, right?

Starting this business,
I can't think of anyone else

I'd rather do it with. Yeah.

"Yeah."

Is that all you've got
to say, "Yeah"?

I don't know! Thanks?

SHE CHUCKLES

What's this? "Spider-Ray"?

"Super-Ray"?

What?

SHE LAUGHS

And "Bat-Ray". Well,
it's for Raymond, innit?

I thought if I'd named some of
the motors after superheroes,

it'd make him feel more
involved in the business.

That's really sweet.

But how long do you think
we're going to have these motors?

And he don't know
that you're his dad,

and he probably won't for years.

Yeah, well, I've been
thinking about that an' all,

cos I'm sick of being a no-one.

So, er, I'm going to
tell him the truth.

You look incredible. Thank you.

You've gone for the
more casual approach.

Yeah, well, I thought we could
do something different tonight.

Oh, yeah?

Dinner with the kids
at McKlunkey's.

Good one!

You're serious?

Babe, look at what I'm wearing.

Do you really think I want
greasy chicken fingers on this?

I guess not. No, no, I don't!

What's underneath is
even more impressive.

Tonight, I want to go
all sorts of crazy

with a gorgeous man on my arm.

Are you coming to have fun with me
or not?

HE EXHALES SHARPLY

Well, the kids, you know,
I'll have to get a baby-sitter...

OK, if I could sort
that, you'd come?

Absolutely.

Leave it with me.

So if you have any questions,
please give me a call.

Rainie! I want a word.

Yeah, not now.

Excuse me, if you're trying to
book a funeral, I wouldn't.

This lot are a right
bunch of cowboys.

What? No, we're not, we...
It's true.

And I wouldn't leave any
jewellery on the body either.

Husband's got a bit
of a collection going.

She's joking.
No, I honestly wish I was.

And between you and me,
they overcharge everyone!

Upstairs, now!

I'm really, very sorry
about this, give me one moment.

Sorry for your loss.

Just drop it, will you?

Phil, you can't just
blurt out the truth!

You made a pact with Denise.
Yeah, and it's stupid.

Half the Square knows I'm his dad,

anyone could tell him,
couldn't they? But they won't.

Because they all know that
he's still a confused little boy

that's lost both his parents.

You can't confuse him even more.

He's going to find out at
some point, in' he?

You need to keep Denise onside.

You've got a really good
relationship right now,

and she lets you spend
more time with him.

I'm sick of being some weird
bloke who's friends with his mum.

You know, I want him
to know who I am.

And he will do, at some point.

But you have to play the long game.

If you upset her now, right?

She'll stop you from
seeing him completely.

Please, Phil.

Promise me you won't tell him.

I told her that I would
pay her eventually!

What, and we're just supposed
to take your word for it?!

No, Rainie, I'm not having it!
Was this your plan with me?

Were you just going to try
and scam me as well?

I ain't scamming no-one!

No? Well, that's not
what it looks like.

Just you wait till
I get on social media

and I start spreading the word about
this place and your weirdo husband!

Oh, yeah, like anyone's
going to believe your rubbish!

Ha! You reckon?
Why is Mrs Jennings outside crying?

I just went to console her,
and she nearly ran a mile!

It's Bernie
you should be worried about,

she's the one in floods of tears.

What?

You don't know.

SHE SCOFFS

Right, you haven't told him.

Right. Rainie,
you really are a piece of work.

What is going on?! All right!

I couldn't pay Bernie the full
amount of our first instalment.

Yeah, cos you're
a dirty, lying cheapskate!

Cos I've spent the money!

HE SCOFFS

On what?!

A private investigator.

Oh. To find Max and Abi.

Oh, babe.

Why didn't you say nothing?

I didn't know how.

It's like all the focus was
going on our new baby, and...

..I felt guilty,
like we were forgetting about Abi.

Guilty? N-No, babe.

Abi is part of this family, and
we won't stop looking for her, ever.

Right, no matter what the cost.

We've got that new lead
from Jack now, haven't we?

So, I reckon we're really
close to getting her back.

You know, one day soon,

we are going to have all our
little ones under the same roof.

Perfect family.

This is really heart-breaking,

but what about Bernie's money?

I'll go and get it for her now.

Just get it off a credit card,
or bank loan or something.

But you tell Bernie
that we're sorry.

We had an agreement, and every
single penny is coming her way.

All right?

Hey, D, you here?!

In here!

SHE LAUGHS

Chelsea has only gone and
convinced Daddy Day Care

to sack off the brats
and go out clubbing again.

I don't know how she does it!

It's fine.

Yeah? Yeah.

"I've got a life too." Huh?

Hey, kiddies! You all right?

Now, who would like a big MUG...
of hot chocolate?

Hmm?

Denise?

Look, Dad, I'm pleased and that,
yeah?

But what do you know
about being a cabbie?

What is there to know?

Cool and calm, baby,
cool and calm. That's all you need.

Hey, grab yourself a drink.
Mitch has got a new job.

Hey. Oh, yeah? Well done, you.

What?

I don't believe it.

Tiff, thank you so much.

That's for those diet pills.

And you might as well order me
some more while you're at it.

More? Bernie, you've
just had the insemination.

Don't know if it's
worked yet, do we?

And the miscarriage
could've been down to my weight,

so I need to keep losing.
It's too risky.

I need to do everything I can to
get pregnant and stay pregnant.

I need them, Tiff.

Bernie, I'm not doing it.

I get the next instalment
when I am definitely pregnant,

and the final one when they
get their baby, please.

I said no.
I am doing this for them!

Come on, Tiff, I've always come
through for you, haven't I?

No questions asked.

Are we even mates any more?

Of course we are.

Then get me those pills, Tiff.

Bonus money, like I said.

Oh, wow, Bernie! Whoa there, baby.

How hard have you been working?
Got do what you've got to do.

Right!