EastEnders (1985–…): Season 1, Episode 6286 - 8 June 2021: Part 1 - full transcript

Kat agrees to go into business with Phil.

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Put the knife down now!

I'll do you, too.

You hear me?

Yeah?
Yeah, what are you going to do?

What, you going to stab
two coppers in one night?

Go on, then.
GO ON, THEN, DO IT!

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...

Here. Get this to her, yeah?
She won't believe her luck.

Don't talk like that.
Don't talk like that.

Urgent assistance!
Urgent assistance!

Officer stabbed! Officer stabbed!
INDISTINCT RADIO RESPONSE



Come on, mate, come on.
Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe.

Just breathe, yeah? Just breathe.

So we've agreed that it's a 9.30
bedtime, but just on Saturdays.

And it's a no to the mini fridge.

Well, what's she going to put in it?
Snacks and drinks.

Obviously.

RUBY SNICKERS

Right. If it can double up as a
wine cooler, I will think about it.

That's the best I can do.

And Ruby's going to take you
shopping to freshen up
your wardrobe,

which I think is lovely.

But you have got to stay away
from her clothes,

especially them heels
with the red soles.

Loub's are off limits.



Whatever that means.
She knows what that means.

And that is non-negotiable, right?

SHE SIGHS

So...

Do we have an agreement?

Yeah. Good.

That's sorted, then.

Maybe you can stay
at your nan's once a week.

I'm sure she's going to miss you.

I am.

And I'd love that.
Won't be around forever, will I?

I was always coming home.

I just wanted to see
what I could get.

I know,

because I'd have done the same.

Right, I'll go and let
your dad know.

Believe it or not, Lil,
I wanted you home, too.

We all need someone to keep us
on our toes, don't we?

SIREN BLARES

PC Highway?

Can we talk?

Phil!

I only asked you to
go into business with me.

What's your problem?

I thought about what you said,

and I'm not going to run another
money laundering front for you,

especially when
it's an actual launderette.

You don't do subtle, do ya?

What you talking about?

You don't own all those
chicken shops in Bow

because you look up
to Colonel Sanders.

So don't pee down my leg
and tell me it's raining.

I've had my fill playing fast and
furious with the insurance company.

That is my lot.

I've got my boys to think about.

So thanks, but no thanks.

I just want to
leave something behind,

something that I don't have to
worry about, that's legit.

Something for Raymond.

I thought you'd want to leave
something for your boys too.

And I want to step up...

..in the right way.

And I don't want a partner in crime.

I just want a partner.

So are you in or are you out?

I'm telling you, the BFG
is the scariest movie ever.

The BFG's not scary, he's friendly.

The clue's in the name innit.
It's the ears, Lol.

There you are.
Billy said you were in here.

Yeah, well, when the kids
are away... You all right?

Yeah. I just wanted to say
that I owe you one.

Lily's home. Ah.

You managed to strike a deal, then?
Let's say I managed to sneak a draw.

THEY CHUCKLE

Well, hopefully it makes Arthur
feel a bit more settled, eh?

Yeah, maybe. I mean, he's still
got a long way to go.

We all do.

Wish us luck.
You should try a worry box.

A what? A worry box, for Arthur.

You help him write down his worries
and put them in the box.

It's like a way for them
to physically let their worries go,
you know?

My old headmaster told me about it.

That actually sounds quite good.

I'll talk to Martin about that.
Thank you. Cool.

Erm, actually, do you want to finish
those and come over for a drink?

Maybe we could pick your brains
a bit.

We could do with all the help
we can get.

Do you fancy it? Yeah. Why not?

All right. I'll see you in a bit.

I think it's going to take
more than a worry box.

So I hope you've got more rabbits
to pull out of that hat of yours,

cos they're going to need them.

He's in surgery.

It's touch and go.

Look, that lad's as tough
as old boots. He'll be fine.

We'll get your forensics done, OK?

And you take some time out.

He was going to propose tonight.

And there's me
trying to prove something.

If he don't make it,
then this is on me.

I should be used to this by now.

I've been here before, in the army,

in that pub over the road.

I've had so many other people's
blood on my hands, so many times.

People I've loved, people I do love.

It should be easier by now,
so why ain't it?

Do you know,
I was thinking about quitting,

but what's there to think about?

All this was my fault.

Hey, look at me.

You're a good copper, son.

We can't lose good coppers.

You've got to stop
blaming yourself, Callum.

You were just doing your job.

All this, what you're
feeling right now,

it won't last.

It will get easier.

Just give it time, yeah?

You'll see. Yeah.

Callum?

What's happened?

Er, some copper got hurt
or something.

I'll see speak to you later, yeah?

If you ever want to talk,
you know where I am.

Yeah.

SITAR MUSIC PLAYS

I do love a sitar.

It reminds me of a lovely
Balti house in Canning Town.

They used to give you
a little pot with lemon water

to wash your hands in.

Very classy.

OK.

Can I help you?

What's your name? We've met, right?

We have actually,
briefly, at the wedding.

Erm, I'm Honey.

Oh, course you are.

A sweet name for a sweet girl.

How old are you, Honey?

Excuse me, that was rude.

You got any kids?

I mean, I can't spy a ring.

Erm. Yeah, I have two kids.

I was married, but separated
from the kids' father.

Better to pull the trigger
than look down the barrel, right?

Do you know my grandson, Stuart?

Great big, cuddly, bald bear.

His brother's
a homosexual policeman.

Yes! Of course. Lovely boys.

Lovely boys but with bad taste
in partners, sadly.

I take it you're aware
of Lorraine's past?

Yes...

..she has sort of lived
a life, hasn't she?

But, you know, she seems to be on
the straight and arrow, so...

Narrow. Straight and narrow.

I presume you're as straight
as an arrow yourself.

You prefer the company of men?

These days, I find that
it's better if I ask.

Yes.

Yes, historically.

But I don't know what it's got...

Can I help you with anything?

Oh, yes.

I think you can, Honey.

Mm-hm.

She settled in all right? Yeah.

Arthur's got her and Hope
watching Paw Patrol.

So he's happy.
CHUCKLES: Aw!

Look, I'm sorry about this morning.

You were right.

Maybe if I'd have left it a bit
longer, she'd have seen sense...

Well, she's home now.
Yeah, thanks to you.

You're going to be a great Mum,
Rubes. I know you are.

DOORBELL RINGS

Oh, I sort of forgot to mention
that I've invited Lola

and Isaac over for a drink.

Oh, have you now? Yeah.

Hello, get in here, then.
LOLA: Oh, hello.

Cor, for a house full of kids,
it's a bit quiet in here.

Yeah, well, give it time.

She's only been back half hour.

THEY CHUCKLE

No Isaac? Yeah, he's got to pick
something up, apparently.

But don't worry.
We don't have to wait for him.

Ooh! Ah!

DOOR OPENS

DOOR CLOSES

I thought we weren't doing presents.

Do you want me to turn around

so you can tie a bow
around your waist or something?

You all right?

Do you, erm...

Do you want your present or not?

So, no, prior convictions.

Not a drinker.

And I take it that you have never...

INHALES

..puffed the old dragon either?

No.

No, I mean, Billy smoked a cigar
when West Ham beat Spurs once.

Second-hand smoke gave me
a bit of a migraine.

Dragon is weed, right?

You'll do just fine.

Nan?!

You said you had an emergency.

I thought... Well, truth be known.

It's less of an emergency,

and more of an opportunity.

You see, me? I can smell chemistry
from a mile off.

And I can see it.

And I think that you two go together
better than Jerry Springer

and...oh, what was
the other man's name?

Stevo? See? Did you hear that?

She's a keeper. Nan.

OK, come on...

Why don't you two kids
grab dinner tonight,

see where the night takes you?

A sober ex-model, they don't
come around often, do they?

Actually, I'm going for dinner
with my boyfriend tonight.

So, thank you very much,
but no thanks.

Sorry.

Boyfriend?

Yes.

Jay. You know him,
he works with Stuart.

You're shacked up with that
young, pale, ginger boy?

He's not a boy, or pale...

What did you do? Snatch him
from ff his mother's teat and...

OK, that's enough, Nan! We're off.

Honey, Sorry!

Never mind standing behind
a register, she should be on one!

Nan!

What are you doing, boys?

Was going to do him a fringe.

Leave him alone.
He needs his beauty sleep, don't he?

You, uh, you made a decision yet?

I told ya, Ben's going to
be running The Arches,

so you won't be on your own...

Shut up and listen, Rip Van Winkle.

While you've been sleeping,
I've been planning.

Right, there's not a minicab firm
round here worth a rub, yeah?

And I know enough ex-cabbies
that need the work

and the Laundrette is big enough to
stick an office out the back.

Now, the lease ain't worth the money
it's listed for,

but they've done loads of work
on it recently,

which will save us a few quid.

Plus, I reckon the Papadopolous
family know enough horror stories

about you to scare them
into cutting us a good deal.

Yeah?

Is that a "yeah"?

On one condition - I run it my way.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Right, I'd better make some calls,
then, hadn't I?

Didn't get dessert.

I figured we could just, you know,
we could just go to the park

to our favourite spot for round two.

I got you something too.

I didn't wrap it up

cos I figured you didn't
really wrap yours up, did you?

So it's all fair, right?

Look, we're matching now.

Go on, open it.

Two years, Cal.

Look how far we've come,
what we've been through.

I am the luckiest man in the world.

You know, me and you,
we can get through anything

because we're together.

Ben, I need to tell you something...
No, you don't.

I know, Cal.

Asking you to quit,
it was a long-shot.

I'm the robber, you're the copper.

That's just how this works,
it's just how it is,

and me asking you to leave is like
asking you to change who you are.

And I love who you are.

So, you know, I shouldn't do that.

You don't have to quit,

but...I need you to
separate us and your job,
just for a little while, OK?

All that work talk...

..stays out there.

You get that, right?

I love you, Callum.

Yes, I may be finding it
difficult right now,

but I promise you it'll get easier.

You'll see.

And what if it don't?

It will.

Promise.

I just need to get some air.

Hang on, I'll come with ya.

No, no, it's all right.

I just need a minute, yeah?

No, what you talking about,
scariest movie ever?

No, that one with the alien,
he walks through the kid's party.

They play it on the news.

What's that one called?

What, so scary, you can't
remember its name? Signs.

That's the film, innit? Signs!
That's the one! Now THAT'S scary.

BFG.

You and her fella, wimps.

DOORBELL RINGS

Mm, talk of the devil.

I'll go and get it.

Hey...

Surprise!

What is that? It's a rabbit.

Well, yeah, I can see that.
What are you doing with it?

It's for Arthur.

You've bought Arthur a rabbit?

Yeah, well,
my mate was giving one away.

And Lols said something earlier.

So I put two and two together and...
What, and you thought of Arthur?

Yeah, I read this thing online
ages ago, right?

Animals and pets and that.
They help kids deal with grief.

It gives them something to take
ownership of, you know?

Gives them some control back.
And I know Arthur's been
struggling so...

Babe, you can't just buy
other people's kids a rabbit.

Why not? He's going to love it.

Everyone loves a rabbit, right, eh?

ISAAC CHUCKLES

Look, you said you needed as many
good ideas as you could get.

So I thought this would help.

He'll love it, won't he, Martin?

Yeah. Yeah...

Oh, yeah, he'll love
that little rabbit.

And, if he don't, it'll make
a lovely stew, won't it?

MARTIN AND ISAAC CHUCKLE

There ya go.

No ice.

I'm married, Nan.

Happily married.

So were Mary Elizabeth Wilson's
husbands

and look what happened to them.

Mary who?

Oh, look it up on your Google.

Right, Nan, just listen to me.

No, you listen to me.

I was doing you a favour,
that's all.

I was handing you a spoon.

We all like a scoop of vanilla

until we discover
there's a row of other flavours.

Just a shame that, round here,
they've all been licked already.

But I love vanilla.

Not that Rainie's vanilla.

I mean, she's Rocky Road,
if anything.

Hm, right. Rocky road to rehab.

Right, she is over all that now.

I told ya. She's just going through
a tough time at the minute.

Why? Her change of life must've been
and gone donkey's years ago.

Look, you've got to check her arms
for track marks.

Once an addict, always an...

Bernie Taylor's having our baby,
Nan.

You've knocked up
Fag Ash Lil's little girl?

Oh, course not! No.

She's going to be our surrogate,

if all goes to plan.

Rainie can't conceive.

So we've found our own way.

She's going to be a great mum
and I want to be a dad again.

Right, so, with that info in mind,

make an effort.

And maybe I can convince her you can
stay a bit longer, all right?

Please.

Everything OK?

Had a nice chat?

We have, indeed.

We've decided that me and you

need to get to get to know
each other better, Lorraine.

So I'm going to stick around
for a bit longer.

I suppose that's your round, eh?

INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO