EastEnders (1985–…): Season 0, Episode 0 - Episode dated 5 July 2021 - full transcript

I just got chatted up. Would have
given her my number, but...

Hm?

Ah. Want me to go to the opening,

check in on Phil and his new
squeeze?

Thanks, but it's your day off.

So what you got planned?
Absolutely nothing.

Ah, which means you'll be
looking for trouble.

Oi, I never look for trouble.
Of course you don't.

It just hones in on you
like a heat-seeking missile.

Catch you later. Laters.

I hate this. I keep looking



over my shoulder, expecting Max to
suddenly turn up.

Why don't you go to
one of your meetings?

You always feel better after them.

Yeah, because I share. Can't exactly
share about this, though, can I?

Everything all right, sweetheart?
Officially a divorced woman.

I mean, I knew it was coming, but...

Well, first day of the rest
of your life, eh, baby?

Is everything OK? It's nothing.

Right, I got to go to the gym.

I've just had a revelation,
a proper Road to Damascus moment.

"What to do with my day off?",

I thought, and then I hear this
voice from under me say,

"Go forth, my child,
and indulge in sweet nectar."

Play your cards right,



I might assign you
the role of drinking companion.

Never know, might be
the start of something beautiful.

Or the start of something toxic.
See you later.

HE SIGHS

What's Nancy's problem?
Don't ask me,

nobody tells me anything around
here.

I shouldn't have worn this thong.
Let me guess, leopard print.

It's my trademark, innit?

SHE LAUGHS

Here, I think it brings out my inner

wild animal. Grr!

SHE LAUGHS

Here, there'll be no escaping me
now we're working at the same place.

Apart from when I'm
out in the Bat-Ray. The what?

Is this real champagne? Yes.

Really? What, Phil's pushing
out the good stuff?

Well, anything to impress Kat.

SHE LAUGHS
It's like I say at Foxcatcher,

you know, there's a bum for every
bike. Are you calling Kat a bike?

As if!

THEY LAUGH

Right, it's now or never.

How do I look?
Like a million dollars.

SHE LAUGHS

Right, you lot,

thanks for turning up.
This is a big day for me

and Phil, and we wanted to share
it with all of you.

Now, for years, a lot of people
round here have called me

a scrubber...

SHE LAUGHS

..so I thought I'd take over
the launderette. Oh, you go, girl!

Now, not all of you know,

but my dad, Charlie Slater,
he was a cabbie,

and one of my earliest memories is
sitting on his knee

and pretending to steer his cab.

He was my hero, and I wanted to grow
up and be just like him.

Oh, bless her!

So, this is not just a launderette,
all right?

You can come in, put your knickers
on a warm wash, jump in a cab,

go up west and party without
a care in the world.

Yay! Preach, girl, preach!

So it gives me
great pleasure to officially open

and cut this ribbon - Kat's Cabs!

ALL: Kat's Cabs!

THEY CHEER

Kat's Cabs!

Love you, Dad.

Everything Isaac took is in the bag.

Are you kidding me? Dad's diaries?

I'm sorry. He's...he's going
through a bad time.

No, I know.
And thank you for returning these.

Sorry, I've just got to get my stuff
together. WHISPERING: Yeah.

We're due at the hospital.
Well, I'll leave you to it, then.

I'm sorry again. How...how is he?

I don't know.

He's staying with a friend.

Sheree keeps saying that all
he needs is time to himself.

Doesn't make me
stop worrying any less, though.

Of course not.
I've been in your shoes with Stace.

I just felt...

HE SIGHS

..useless.

How did you get through it, then?
I just loved her.

You've just got to be there, listen.
It's all you can do, innit?

Isaac's really lucky to have
you, Patrick.

Thanks. Erm, I hope everything goes

well at the hospital, OK?

Thank you. Cheers.

Right, then, let's do this.

You don't need to worry. I mean,

you heard what the consultant said,
it's going to be painless.

No, he said it wouldn't be
too painful.

You're going to be all right.
I promise.

Yeah, I'll be there. Eh? I reckon
it'll take me about an hour,

get south of the drink.

All right, sweet. Ta-ra, mate.

Frankie. You all right?

What's wrong with Nancy?

It's not really my story to tell,

so you're going to have to get her
to tell you herself.

I can always tell when something's
up. Like, are you going to tell

me what's going on between you and
Linda? There's nothing going on.

You can talk to me
when we have our driving lesson,

two hours, just you and me.

Is that today? You're joking.

I can't do it. I've got to go
and meet this brewery rep,

it's important. Forget it.

Frankie, wait! Frankie.

Here, Zack,

you ain't busy, are you?

I'm working on my tan, mate,
it's an art form. Beautiful.

You couldn't take Frankie out for me
in your motor for half an hour?

She's a good driver, she's sweet,
it's just I want her to get a bit

of practice in, you know, before her
test.

In my car? There's a couple of pints
in it for you after.

No, mate. Only I drive my car.

There's five pints in it for you
after.

With whisky chasers and all? Yes.

All right, Frankie, what time do you
want to go out, babe?

Right, Zack's going to take

you on a lesson. Just take it easy,
all right?

I suppose so. We can talk later.

Right, good. Good boy.

All right?

Look, you can't go on like this.

You need to get out there,
find someone else.

I don't want anyone else.

Yes, you do, right?
You just don't know it yet.

Look, think of Dana
as like a practice run.

Yeah, you made some mistakes,
but use it to hone your craft.

Dana wasn't a practice run,
she was the one!

Oh, mate! Look, they're all the
one

until the next one comes along,

trust me. So stop being so miserable
and get out there

and show the women of Walford
what they're missing!

Get back on that dating app.

HE CHUCKLES

What's the worst that can happen?

I would've thought you'd be rushed
off your feet,

what with the opening.
I've come to talk to you about Phil.

Raymond, darling... Yeah?

..do you want to go upstairs
and help Patrick? Yes. Good boy.

Whatever you've come to say,
I really...

KAT SIGHS

I have not come here
to have a go, all right?

I've come here to ask you
something mother to mother.

Now, Phil does everything for that
kid.

Can't you just budge, just a bit?

I'm doing what's best for my son.
But you're lying to him.

He doesn't know that Phil's his dad,
and it's killing Phil.

How do you think he's going to feel
when he finds out the truth?

And he will find out
because, let's face it,

it's an open secret round here.

Look, you might want to join
the cult of Phil

and have your kids call him Daddy,
and that's fine by me, but please

don't come in here telling me the
sun shines out of Phil's backside.

I've let him
be a part of Raymond's life,

but THAT is as far as I'm
prepared to go.

Who do you think
he bought the launderette for?

You wouldn't take his money, so
he's done the next-best thing.

He's building a legacy for him.

He's even named all the cabs
after his favourite superheroes.

Yeah, well, if Raymond grows up

knowing Phil's his dad he'll end up
having

a prison block named after him!

All I'm asking is that you give him

some hope that you're going to tell
Raymond the truth.

Give him a timescale.

I am not giving Phil anything!

Zack! Oh! Isn't she beautiful?
Yeah, gorgeous.

I hate to break up this
intimate moment, but how do you

fancy baby-sitting Albie? Oh, I
really would love to

help but I'm taking Frankie
for a driving lesson.

Or rather she's taking me

south of the river to one of my
favourite pubs.

Does she know that's the plan?

What, and ruin the surprise?
Whoa, someone scrubs up well.

So when you say "driving lesson"
you mean date? I wouldn't say no.

I thought it was Nancy you were
interested in.

The feeling's not mutual.

You do know you're taking your life
in your hands?

What was that? If you so much as
scratch his car,

he'll never forgive you.
Don't take no notice of her.

Right, listen, first things first.

Lucinda, Frankie.

Frankie, Lucinda.

You know what this is
really about, don't you?

Ben has disowned him, Louise has
fled the country,

and Denny's dead.

Phil just wants
Raymond to fill a hole.

Oh, well, to Phil's credit,
he just wants to have a bigger

part in the boy's life,
to be a good father.

Of course you'd take his side.

I'm not stopping him
from being a part of his life,

but I just don't want Raymond
knowing who he is right now.

And, yes, I can hear myself.

I know too many people know
for it to stay a secret forever.

But he's only just
lost his adoptive parents,

he doesn't need any more
confusion right now. I agree.

But you're just making excuses.

Look, of course you want to
protect the boy,

and, you know, I think Phil wants
to protect him, too.

Better he grows up knowing the truth
than finding out later.

You mean like you and Isaac?

And a certain woman who turned up on
my doorstep hoping I was her father.

You're right. As usual.

But I'm not telling him
until I am ready.

In the meantime, why don't you
let him spend more time with Phil?

Now, some customers are going
to use the app

but some are going to call up,

so just jot down their name, their
address and where they're going.

And if they ask how long
it's going to be,

just say we'll be with them
as soon as possible.

I don't get why I need to know all
this,

I'm going to be in the
launderette. Well, you might be

the only one here when someone
calls.

Same as me. I'm only going to be
here to do the cleaning,

but we've all got to muck in,
haven't we?

Hang on, so you want me in here
AND out there?

Like Jean said, it's mucking in.

Working in the launderette
and the cab office?

That's two jobs on a one-job salary.

All right, how about I sack you,

give the job to someone else,
then you can be on a no-job salary?

All right.
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

POLITE VOICE: Hello, Kat's Cabs,
how can I assist you?

THEY LAUGH

Sounds like Nan
when she was doing the sex lines!

THEY LAUGH

That's more like it!

BREATHY VOICE: Hello, Kat's Cabs.

What's your pleasure?

THEY LAUGH

PHONE RINGS

Me? It ain't going to bite ya!

Oh!

Erm...OK.

Hello, Kat's Cabs,
what's your pleasure?

THEY LAUGH

Oh! I mean,
how many can I assist you? Oh! No!

THEY LAUGH

KAT LAUGHS

Why don't you go home?
There might be footie on.

You think it's going to be a
success? Yeah, of course it will be.

I've got a winning team behind it.

Here...

SHE COUGHS

Yeah...

Yeah, I wondered if you
fancied a bit of baby-sitting.

I've got the salon books to do.
He's had his dinner and everything.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Yeah, it's just, you know,

I thought it was time
he started to see a bit more of ya.

OK? Have fun. See ya.

DOOR SHUTS

DOOR SHUTS

HE SIGHS

Setting up a date
already? Who's the lucky girl?

No-one. I've deleted the app.

Bobby, come on, man, I'm telling
you.

Stop telling me what to do!

I wanted to tell Dana the truth
and you said it was harmless fun,

I should just carry on.

Oh, you're being so dramatic!

She's not even perfect.
I mean, yeah, she's a bit of a sort.

Will you just shut up? You don't
know anything about love.

The only person you love is the one
you see when you look in the mirror.

COMMENTATOR: Here's that ball in to
Whitaker,

who had all the time in the world.

DOOR SHUTS

DOOR SHUTS

Yeah, get in there, Jean.

It was lying on the pavement
outside. Oh, right.

Well, Ruby must have dropped it.
We just got back from the hospital.

Oh, is everything OK?

Erm...yeah. She just had to have a
sigmoidoscopy. A what?

It's a procedure that she needed
before she goes into surgeries

to help us get pregnant again.

She's upstairs, resting.

Right, well, say hello to her
for me.

I mean, there's me telling her all
morning that it's going to be fine,

then just sat there, waiting,
worried sick.

HE LAUGHS

Well, let's hope it all goes OK.

Thank you for what you
did for Isaac, calming him down.

Ruby said you were amazing. Oh!
SHE SCOFFS

It's very difficult to understand
when the stuff in your head

is making you do things you
wouldn't normally do. I just hope

he gets the help he needs. Yeah,
Patrick came round earlier.

He was all upset, doesn't know what

to do to help him. I know that
feeling.

For what it's worth,
Martin, Stacey always said

she thought you were a great help,
just in knowing that you are there.

It's OK to ask for help
if you need it.

Stacey would tell you that.

DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

I bought you some carrot cake

from the Albert. It's vegan.

I'm sorry things didn't work
out between you and Tamwar.

I'm sure you don't, but if you do
want to talk about it,

you know where to find me.

Between the lagers and the mixers.

Mum. Stay...for a bit.

I think I just...

..I think when we got married,

I genuinely thought that we would
stay together forever.

I thought that only idiots
get divorced.

Then, maybe I'm an idiot.
No, you're not.

I was never going to be
enough for him.

I don't know why I didn't
realise that we wouldn't make it

if we didn't have kids.

Well, it's a hard thing to
get your head round.

You know I struggle with it.

Yeah, but he's my husb...

..he was my husband.

I want him to support me
no matter what I'm feeling.

I know Dad would support you.

Well, if he couldn't,
then he wasn't the man for you.

But that doesn't mean there aren't
any

men who couldn't accept it
and be happy.

You'll find your person, and they'll
love you for who you are.

Well, I'm really not
looking for anyone at the moment.

Time to focus on you.

There IS something
I was thinking of doing.

Well, do it, whatever it is. Yeah?

Yeah, why not? What is it?

Body-building. Oh.

SHE LAUGHS

Your face! Oh!

I'm joking. Well, sort of.

No, I was thinking of entering some
weightlifting contests.

Great. I'm sure you'll do really
well.

I do love you.

And I know I annoy you,

but it's only cos you're so special
to me.

Lee was always off exploring,
and, well, Johnny was my...

Your sausage. Yeah.

But you were my little girl.

NANCY LAUGHS
Maybe the only one I'm going to get.

LINDA LAUGHS

I love you too, Mum.

All these weights. You'll end up

looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Yeah, that's the plan.

LINDA SIGHS

NANCY LAUGHS

No, honestly, though,
it, like, helps me zone out.

You should go for a run,
that's what you used to do.

What, instead of weightlifting?

You used to say it helped
clear your mind. Actually,

to be fair, that's not a bad idea.

I've been stuck in here all day,
I need some fresh air.

I've enjoyed this.

SHE SIGHS

With any luck this one's another
boy.

Then this one, this one drives to

the garage cos it needs new spark
plugs,

and it picks the Arches
cos it knows it's the best

garage for miles and miles
and miles around.

Crash!

Oh, no, oh, no, they've crashed!
Here, I think we're going have to

get the police. Nee-nah, nee-nah!
Oh, no, the police - run! Vroom!

Yeah! Like father, like son, eh?

What do you think of this
place, Raymond?

Do you want to know a secret? Yes.

One day, one day, this will be
yours, because...

..do you know who I really am?

No.

I'm your daddy. My daddy?

And do you know what that means?

It means everything - it means I'll
always be there for you,

it means I'll give you everything
you need,

everything you want, because...

..because I love ya.

I've never driven
in the dark before.

HE CHUCKLES

Now you tell me.

I can't believe you've used me as a
taxi so that you could get hammered.

You enjoyed yourself, didn't ya?
Here...

I learnt that from a sign language
teacher at Ruby's the other night.

What are you trying to say?

You look good.

THEY LAUGH

You dead, OK?

What?

THEY LAUGH

CRASHING

SKIDDING

What? What was that?

We hit something.
What? What did we hit?