Early Edition (1996–2000): Season 2, Episode 9 - A Regular Joe - full transcript

Believing he gets no help in running "McGinty's", and feeling he is not respected, Chuck quits and leaves the bar. Gary is suffering his own emotional trauma in dealing with the newspaper, and begins to have dreams in which a psychiatrist counsels him to take Sunday's off from the paper and relax. Watching the Chicago Bears play on TV, he reads in tomorrow's news that the Bears' quarterback and toast of the town, Joe Damski, is going to suffer a serious injury. Gary and Damski's wife try to get the quarterback to retire, but he doesn't want to. Gary and Chuck impersonate the QB and kicker respectively, hitting the playing field to save the day.

All I want
is a regular life.

Go to a ballgame,

see a movie.

Is that too much to ask?

I don't know.

Is it?

Well, no, it's not.

But I can't
because of the paper.

It's the paper's fault.


You have no choice.

No, I don't.

You read the newspaper
in the morning,

and then feel compelled

to go out and help the
people you've read about.

Well, you-you see,
it's not a typical paper.

It's-it's kind
of hard to explain.

I mean, you-you might
think I was crazy,

unless, of course, you...
you think I'm crazy already.

I had a patient once who thought
his dog told him what to do.

In that case...

It's-it's a cat.

Excuse me?

Well, the cat comes
with the paper.

Or the...

paper comes with the cat.

You see, I-I-I'm not
quite sure which.

Well, in the short term, Gary,

my advice is, um...

stop reading the newspaper.

Well, I can't do that.

I-I-I just can't...

Pick a day.

How about, um, how about Sunday?

Slowest news day
of the week.

Can you stop reading
the Sunday paper?

Stop reading the Sunday paper.

That a boy.

Now, I want

to see you three
times a week.

I have, um...

Mondays at 11:30,

or 3:15.

And, uh...

at, uh, 4:00.

(machine guns firing)

Hey! Hey!
(cat meowing)

(paper thuds against door)

(cat meowing)

(cat meowing)

Good morning.



(theme music playing)

CHUCK: What if you
knew, beyond a doubt,

what was going
to happen tomorrow?

What would you do?

There's no easy answer

for a guy
who gets tomorrow's news today.

Forget it, pal.

I didn't order these.

Somebody did.

These are the ugliest
wine glasses I've ever seen.

You'd have to be blind
to order something like this.

I'm sorry, you gotta
take these back.

Morning, Chuck.

My new stemware come in yet?

Your new stemware?

Yeah. I ordered it last week.

Since when do you order
anything without telling me?

Since Gary put me
in charge of inventory.

Oh, he did?

Well, he didn't tell me.

Well, he did.

Well, he shouldn't.
Well, he did.

Well, he shouldn't.

Gary, excuse me,
did you tell her

she could order
new wine glasses?

Remember last week?

Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

I-I-I-I might have done that.

Oh, thanks for
telling me.

Oh, oh, yeah,
you're welcome.

What's wrong with you?

Hmm? Oh, nothing.

You-you know what?

I don't have much
of a life, do I?

I mean, I get up in the mornings
and I get the paper,

and then I go
out and I do

what the paper tells me to do,
and then I come back,

and then I go to bed, and then
I get up the next morning,

I do the same thing
all over again, don't I?

I hate to tell you this, pal,
but you didn't have much

of a life before you started
getting that paper.

You know what?

This morning, I-I thought
I heard the cat

speak to me.

The cat?

Yeah. But it wasn't.
It was a psychiatrist.


Well, in-in the dream.


Hey, you know, he had some

pretty darn good things
to say to me.

The cat?

No, the psychiatrist.

He told me that I should take
Sundays off from the paper.

And that I should rest.

And-and then I got to thinking,

well, maybe we should
take Sundays

and have a brunch here
at the bar when the Bears play.

Just like old McGinty
used to do.

That goes completely against
our marketing strategy, Gare.

Yeah, but it would make my whole
life a whole lot better.


Well, if that's what
you need to do,

then that's what we'll do, Gary.

Well, good.
That's wonderful.

Then that...
that's what we'll do.

Where you going?

Me? Oh, I'm-
I'm-I'm going

over to St. John's Hospital.

There's a... a sleep-deprived
surgical resident

who is about to take someone's
kidney out,

but it's the wrong kidney.
It's the usual.

Wait a minute.

We've got some
unfinished business here.

Oh, I'm sure you can
take care of it.

No. We can't
take care of it.

Just wait a second.

Now, Marissa here

is ordering wine glasses out
of a Salvador Dali catalogue.

Excuse me?
And she tells me

that you put her
in charge of inventory.

Now, is that true, or what?
I need to know these things.

You know what I'd really
like the both of you

to think about...

is Sunday, and the Bears game,
and brunch.

Third-and-six for the Bears.

Under a minute remaining.

He's gonna have to throw, Pat.

Hut, hut...

There's the snap.

Damski has a man
over the middle.

He's got it.

First down Bears
on the Dolphins 40.

That's five in a row for Damski.
I love you, Joe.

Here's the replay.
This guy's amazing.

Quick release.
Eight yard pick up.

What a performance
by Regular Joe Damski.

275 yards in the air,
three touchdown passes,

and now Damski puts the Bears
in a position to win it

with just under
30 seconds to play.

I'm here, Joe. I'm here.

I'm here, too, Joe.

I'm here, too.

Oh, but he's married.
(stomps foot)

I don't care.
Whoever she is, I'll share.

Well, you just can't say
enough about the guy.

I mean, he comes out
of retirement,

and plays like he
never missed a snap.

You know, Damski's turned
this entire team around.

Hey, Butkus, for
your information,

there are ten other
players on the field

like my husband. Her man
deserves all the credit.

I mean, where were we
without Joe?


You strut all
you want to, girl.

That man of yours is one
delectable piece of pie.

You go, Joe.

I can't take it, Gare.

The Bears win, right?
You can tell me.

I told you, I don't know.
I'm not reading the paper.

18 seconds to play.

Bears trailing by five,
as Damski comes to the line.

Another barn burner
for the Bear fans.

But I guess they've
come to expect it.

...really gotta tell me
what's gonna happen.

Damski's forced
out of the pocket,

eludes one tackler.
Get rid of it, Joe.

Still on his feet.

He has a man in the corner...
and Ford,

now on the ten, on the five,
touchdown Bears.

Bears win! Bears win!

Damski does it again.

♪ We're in the money ♪

♪ We're in the money ♪

And Damski's
slow getting up, Dick.

Man, I-I'm afraid he's
not getting up at all.

I hope it's not
another concussion.

He's had enough of those.

All right,
here's the replay.

See what happens?

He waits till the last second
before he got rid of it.

He'll remember that one.

All of Chicago is holding
its breath right now,

I can tell you that.

Wait a minute.
He's moving now.

And Damski's up.

Now, there's a
Chicago Bear.

you gotta believe

George Halas is smiling
right now.

BUTKUS: Somewhere you gotta believe...
He's gonna be fine, honey.

He'll be just fine.

Look at him, waving
and everything.

Hey, Joe. Hey, baby.

You know,
I'll tell you something.

I feel good.

Yeah? You want to know
why you feel good?

'Cause the Bears won.

No, not only because
the Bears won.

MAN: Hey, Gare, great game.
Just like old times.

You feel good, my friend,

because you didn't do
a good deed today.

For once, you acted
totally selfishly,

just like every other
red-blooded American.

And I'm proud of you.


Excuse me.

You felt guilty.


You were
enjoying yourself.

Well, yeah...

No, well, it's because
I didn't read the paper.

And did the world
fall apart?

Well, no, it didn't,

but I felt I should have
been doing something,

or-or helping someone.

Should, could.

This compulsion of yours to do
good, this leads to craziness.

You know that, don't you?

Do you think that it's crazy
to want to help someone?

To help your friends
on occasion,

people you know, that's healthy.

But to feel that you must help
total strangers all the time,

now that's madness.

Yeah, but the paper...

Oh, enough
with the paper.

This paper is making a nutcase
out of you.

You know what the real issue is?


Avoidance of what?

You tell me.

What is it within you
makes you so afraid

that you think

about others, ignoring
your own needs?

(people screaming)


You say you want to
be a regular Joe.

But you won't let yourself
be a regular Joe.

You must see the
contradiction in that.



We do not need
embossed matchbooks.

We do if we're gonna
have a cigar room.

And whose idea was that?


Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Gary, you tell him that there
is no smoking in my restaurant.

Your restaurant?
Now it's your restaurant?

I think it's more my
restaurant, if anything,

than your restaurant.

Hey, keep it down, would you?

Now I thought it was our
restaurant, the three of us.

What are you talking about?
Gary, listen to me.

It was never supposed
to be the three of us.

It was supposed
to be you and me.

Well, I can't
take it anymore.

I will not work
with this woman.

Either she goes, or I go.

All right, now, listen...
No, I mean it.



Working with this turkey's
too hard for anyone.

Even my dog can't stand him.

See what I mean?

Beneath that angelic facade is
a cauldron of boiling hostility.

All right, now wait a second.

We can work this out together.
No, we can't work this out.

You're so busy running around
trying to save the world,

that you don't even see
what's going on

underneath your own nose.

She says tomato,
I say tomahto.

She says potato,
I say potahto.

You get the picture?
I can't take it anymore.

I've had it.

Now, what's it gonna be,
Gare, her or me?

Well, I...

Now, listen...

Thanks a lot for your vote
of confidence, pal.

I'm out of here.

(distant siren wailing)

Now, wait a second, Chuck...

Forget it. I quit.

MARISSA: You're gonna go
after him, aren't you?

No, I'm not going after him.

I'll let him cool down
a little bit.

I'll let him just be,
uh, Chuck.

Look, Gary, I-I'm sorry.

Maybe I shouldn't... No, no, no,
no, it's-it's not your fault.

my fault.

As much as I hate to admit it,
maybe he's right.

I haven't been paying enough
attention to this place.

I haven't even been able

to pay enough attention
to my life because of this.

Because of this.
Because of this paper, huh?

WOMAN: Hi. Can I get
a table for two?

Sure. Follow me.

WOMAN: Something private
would be great.

HOSTESS: How does
this look for you?

"Bears quarterback sued
for divorce."



Oh, I think I'm gonna
wait for my husband.

HOSTESS: All right. Mm-hmm.
Thank you.

PSYCHIATRIST: This compulsion of yours
to do good, this leads to craziness.

You know that, don't you?

To feel that you must

help total strangers
all the time,

now that's madness.



Gary, what's going on?


PSYCHIATRIST: This paper's
making a nutcase out of you.

Excuse me a minute, would you?

Excuse me.


My name is Gary Hobson.

I-I run this place.

Are you okay?

Oh, I'll be fine.


Because if you're not,

you could use my office
to powder your nose,



Um, that'd be great, actually.

Uh, here you are.

Thank you.

Aren't you, uh...

Colleen Damski.

Yeah. I've, uh,

I've followed
your husband's career.

Actually, I'm supposed to meet
him here in a few minutes.

He's coming here?

Yeah. But I'm afraid it's
not such a happy occasion.

Uh, please sit down, Ms. Damski.



Is-is there anything
that I can do for you?

Well, not unless
you're a marriage counselor.

(nervous chuckle)

No, I'm not.

Well, that's too
bad, 'cause

these are my divorce papers.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

Yeah, me, too.

When Joe and I first got
married, he was out of the game.

He promised

that we were gonna settle down

and start a family
and lead a normal life,

but Joe just can't stay away
from football.

Well, he's-he's a great

Yeah. Everybody says that.

He acts like he's a big kid.

Uh, yeah.

But he's 37 years old.

And he has had concussions,
and he has a bad back,

and he has bad knees,

and he is out there
being chased

by 300-pound linemen who
can run a five-four 40.

I mean, how long do you think

that his body can take
that kind of punishment?


I'm sorry.

Well, I-I was divorced.

And-and I gotta tell you

You know, I hate to see it
when-when people give up...

...when they're still in love.

And it seems to me

it sounds like you're still
in love with your husband.

And I-I don't know
Mr. Damski personally,

of course,
but... well,

if you leave your husband,

it seems to me you would force
him back into playing football,

which is exactly what you
don't want him to do.

And if you did that,

well, he'd have nothing else
in his life.

Well, I'm hardly in his life
right now.

Well, maybe he doesn't see it
that way.

Maybe he doesn't know exactly
what's going on,

what with everything
going on.

And that, uh,
he doesn't know

exactly how
to deal with it.

I don't know.

JOE: Great.

Thank you. Colleen.
You're welcome.

They said
you were back here.

Hi, Joe.

Joe, this is, um, Gary.

This is his place.

How do you do?
JOE: Fine.

Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.

Hi, Joe.

Hi. What's
your name?

Robin, uh,

why-why don't you get
the Damski's another table,

in the back, in a private area.

No problem.

This way.

Thank you
for the information, Gary.

Maybe I can just, uh, talk
to you about this later.

Well, sure.

That would-that would be fine.

Nice to meet you.
JOE: Yeah.

You, too.

ROBIN: You know, I'm
your biggest fan.

I even liked you when you
played for the Vikings.

My brothers

wanted to kill me,
but I didn't care.

It's a shame Chuck's not here
to see this.

Regular Joe Damski at McGinty's.

(Robin giggling)

There you go, Jimmy.


You're welcome.
Take care.


Uh, if you can make it
out to Chuck.

Wait a minute,
I know you.

You're the guy from
the restaurant.



Who's Chuck?

Uh, Chuck's my business partner
over at the restaurant.

Wow, this ball looks like
it's had some use.

You ever play?

A little bit.

A little high school,
a little less college.

A wide receiver,


Let's see what
you got.

Shotgun formation,

square out to the
right. Let's go.

Well, I...
Second sound, let's go.




Hey, that's not bad.

Yeah, well, I, uh,

I played a little

Very little.

Did you ever think
about the pros?


That's all I ever
thought about.

You got a pen?

Oh, uh...

Your, uh, your wife
mentioned that.

My wife?

Well, at the-at the restaurant,

we were talking about football
and yourself.

Oh. She say
anything else?

No. No.


Well, here you go.

Uh, well... well, thanks.

I gotta hop a bus back to work.

All right.
Take care.

Thank you.

Hey, you want a lift?

No! I couldn't do that. I...

Go on, hop in.
I'll give you a ride.

All right.

JOE: So, uh, so she
was upset, huh?

GARY: What? Colleen.

Oh, well, I think she was,
uh, concerned, yeah.

She wants me to quit.

You believe that?

She thinks I've had my
bell rung too many times.

She's probably right,
too, you know.

I can hear a few screws
rattling around up in there.

Damn concussions.

Uh, she did mention
something about symptoms.

She's, uh..

Oh, I get names mixed
up occasionally,

but everybody does.

You know, I had a friend
in college,

he, uh, got hit
in the first quarter...


Played the rest
of the game.

Afterwards, he didn't-he didn't
remember a thing

about the whole game.

Doc told him if he got, uh,
hit again, it'd kill him.

So, what did he do?

Oh, he quit.

He's got a, uh, computer company
now, and a wife and kid.

I keep in touch with him.

Well, to each his own,
I guess, huh?

So I understand that you

had quit originally
because of the injuries.

Oh, that and Colleen.

I was tired.

She was beautiful.

Like an angel.

She convinced me that I could
get over football, you know,

and, well, I believed her
for a little while.

So-so what made you
change your mind?

Well, it's not the
money, you know.

I got plenty of that.

You know what it's like to
trot out in the field

with the game on the line,
you got millions of fans

waiting for you to pull off
another miracle?

Well, I'll tell you something,


At that moment,

at that very second,

you just feel like
you're gonna live forever.

I don't know,

I'm-I'm nothing without
a football in my hands.

Well, I'm sure your wife
doesn't feel that way.

Colleen is the best thing
that ever happened to me,

and I know that.

But you saw me out there
the other day.

We could go to the play-offs.

And I'm just not ready to quit.

That's all.

I mean,
I know I have to someday.

Just not today.


Been almost a week,

and you still feel like
a schmuck, don't you?


It's a complicated world, kiddo.

You tried to help Colleen
and Joe.

What more could you do?

But-but they-they still love
each other.

You want a headline?

I'll give you a headline.

Love does not conquer all.

They're adults.

You're an adult.

Live your life.

I-I'm trying.

Well, try harder.

Look what this compulsion's
already cost you.

Your peace of mind.

Your best friend.

What's next?

You're right.

What are you gonna do about it?

Well, I'm-I'm gonna stick
to the plan,

and I'm-I'm gonna stay away
from the paper on Sunday.

I'm gonna watch the Bears' game.


And whatever it says,
ignore the paper.

Do nothing.


(bomb whistling through air)


(subway train passing by)


(cat meows)

(paper thuds against door)


Well, come on in.


Do nothing.

It's Sunday.

I get a break.

(cat meows)



O'BRIEN: Welcome to
historic Soldier Field,

on the shores of Lake Michigan.
This stadium,

well, it's seen a lot of great
sporting events in its time,

but none more unexpected
than the football game

about to be played here today.

Do you believe in miracles?

Join us as the fairy tale

for the city of Chicago,

where their beloved Bears take
on the Washington Redskins.

(TV playing in background)


Game day, huh?

Hey, Mike.

Hey, how are you? Good.
How are you?

...37 years old, retires
from chronic injuries,

then comes out of the
mothballs to play in,

well, Super Bowl form.
Well, now, of course,

Joe can't scramble like he used
to on those banged up knees,

but I'll tell you

he still gets plenty
of zip out of them.

O'BRIEN: It's been a long time
since the Bears were playing

with so much at stake.

Too long.

This is a city
that's starved

for some postseason play.

Lenny, man, where are you?
(TV playing in background)

I thought you were coming over.

Well, uh, how about
the second half?

BUTKUS: But I'll tell you something
else about this Redskins team.

They're smart, they're
physical, Yeah, sure.

and Terry Allen may have one of the premier
running backs Whatever. Okay. Bye-bye.

in the game.

O'BRIEN: Redskins won the toss,
and here comes the kick.

And we're under way.

A long, high kick.

Redskins try to run it
right up the middle.

Big mistake, Pat.

There was no seam there.

All right!
You see that tackle?

You know, the trick is to stop
this great kick returner

specialist before they get up
a head of steam.

You okay?

Of course I'm okay.

I got the Bears, I got my
Bloody Mary, I got a brunch.

What more could I want?

Chuck's not here...
that's his decision.

I'm not reading
the paper today...

that's my decision.

Sunday's my day.

I'm gonna enjoy my day,
even if it kills me.

Come on, Bears!

O'BRIEN: 24-17, Redskins,
in the second quarter.

We're under two minutes now.

The Bears trail by seven.

And this is where Damski really
shines... the two minute drill.

O'BRIEN: The Bears come to the line...
Come on, Joe.

Damski in the pocket.

And he has a man to the right.

It's Fuller.

First down,
Bears on the Washington 17,

a 20-yard pick up.

Man, did he drill that one.

I mean, that's what you call
a frozen rope.

Another huge first
down for the Bears.

Joe Damski has
just gone over

the 200-yard mark in passing.
What the...?

Psst. Go on, get
out of here!

(cat meows)

Mario, clean it up.

But the game... I told
you ten minutes ago

to take out those
coffee grounds.


Paper towels cost
money, Mario.

Get some newspaper.

O'BRIEN: Damski would love to tie
this thing up before halftime.

Rush in motion.

Damski takes a short drop,
fires off his back foot.

Touchdown, Bears!

(crowd cheering)

Here comes Masello
for the extra point.

Look out.

The Bears'
placekicking stinks.

Why Stan's putting his faith

in Masello,
and to be honest,

I don't understand...
Come on, Masello.

24, 23 and Masello
lines up for the kick.

Here we go.
And it's...

no good!

(crowd sighing)

You stink, Masello!

I could kick better than you!

You gotta wonder
what's going

through Masello's
mind right now.

I'm going to the kitchen.

I could kick better
than that guy.

You want to know
something, Pat?

I could kick better
than that guy.

Mario, you're leaking
all over the place!

I don't believe it.


I don't believe it!

(speaking Italian)






Both teams have come out
flat in the second half.

You can see Joe Damski trying
to get the crowd back into it.

He comes to the line of scrimmage.
(buzzer sounds)

Third and eight.
It's a little late.

All right, the Redskins are
definitely looking pass here.

Here's the snap.

Play action.
It's a screen.

What do you want?
I'm watching the game!

Look! What, did the cat
have a bladder problem?

Joe's gonna get hit

with 12 seconds
left in the game.

He's gonna go
into a coma.

We gotta do something
about it.

What do you mean we,

Look, I need
your help.

Oh, this is so typical.

Suddenly you
need my help.

Where before I'm nothing
but a pain in the butt,

now you can't do it
without me, huh?

Now, listen... You got to
admit, I have a point.

No, I gotta admit, I'm gonna
strangle you in a few seconds.

All I'm asking for
is a little respect.


find out what it means to me.

You through?

Not quite.

The second half's just begun.

Now, we don't have much time

Will you help me?

Pat O'Brien, along
with Dick Butkus.

After an explosive
first half,

neither team has been able to
put points up on that board.

Well, both defenses
have tightened it up.

Especially the Redskins

And you know,
it looks to me

like the Bears' offensive line
is beginning to tire.

Joe's gonna have
to scramble,

and on those bad knees,
that could be a problem.

This game's been sold out
for weeks, Gare.

How we gonna get
in there?

Well, we'll just have
to think of something.

Uh, I don't know,
my connections

have all dried up.


I know.

(indistinct chattering)

CHUCK: I can't breathe
in this thing!

Come on, just keep walking.
All right.

But I am not doing
this for you.


I'm doing this
for the city of Chicago.

My trainer.

How you doing?


I need oxygen.

I don't think this guy's
bathed in months.

All right, we're in.


You, me and 60,000

screaming fans.

Now what?

We punt.

O'BRIEN: Just under eight
minutes, Bears trail by one

and fans are looking to Damski
for another miracle finish.

Come on, we're gonna stop Joe.

What do you want us to do?

Go out on the field
and tackle him?

Here's the snap.

Damski dumps it off for
maybe a three yard gain.

Look, it says here he's brought
down to the locker room

with five minutes to play
to have his leg checked out,

then he comes back up top.

That's when he's hurt.
So, come on.

Where are you going?

I'm going down
to the locker room.

And how do you expect us
to get into the locker room?

The same way we got
into the stadium.

Oh, no. I'm not putting
this thing on again.

It stinks.
I've had it.

Come on, Smokey.

I'm breathing noxious
fumes in here!

O'BRIEN: Five minutes on the
clock now, and ticking down,

and the Bears' offense
continues to struggle.

Damski drops back.

Whoa! You've gotta
pick up that blitz.

He's down.

Damski's brought down

for a six yard loss,
and appears to be hurt, Dick.

You know, it's his left knee.

I mean, it's been bothering him
the whole half.

Talk about a bad break
for the Bears.

Down a point with
five minutes to go.

You gotta wonder how many more
games those knees can take?

I mean, after all, he's had
operations on both of them.

The hopes of Chicago are riding
on those knees right now.

Okay, let's take
a look, Joe.

Ah, wait a second.

Wait a second.

Ah, man.

Look, it's just a bruise.

We don't have a prayer
without Joe.

He'll be back.

He'll be back.

What happened to Gary?

Couldn't take the suspense?

I have no idea where he is.

That should give you enough support.

Let me get out of here. Whoa.

Redskins ball.
Take your time.

DOCTOR: Hey, I don't like the
way that brace is riding.

Sit back down here.

I'm going to make a
couple adjustments.

(doctor continues talking

Okay, try that out.

That feel
any better?



You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Is he fine, Jack?

Still in one piece.

JOE: Great. Tell
'em I'm on my way,

would you, Doc?

Colleen, I can't have you
coming down here, okay?

I'll talk to you after the game.

No, you won't, Joe.


I can't do this


I never wanted to come
between you and football,

and I didn't think
that I had to.

But it is very clear
what you are married to,

and it is not me.

Colleen, this is not the time
to have this discussion.

You are not the only one who's
getting hurt out there, Joe.

I mean, you have no idea
what I feel every time

you put on that uniform.

And I love you.

I love you

too much to watch you
get crippled, Joe.

So you go out

and you win one for the Bears.

And I will read about it
in tomorrow's paper.

Colleen, wait.

O'BRIEN: ...Peroth back on
the field, third in inches.

Redskins leading by one with
under four minutes remaining.

Peroth takes the snap,

and he passes over
the middle.

First down, Redskins.

Didn't I tell you?

Look out for pass.

Wait a minute.
There's a flag on the play.

Holding, Redskins.

Whoo! That's a huge break
for the Bears.

The first and ten is
now third and eleven.

Hey, Joe.

Joe, hey.
Whoa, whoa, hey.

How you doing?
I'm a big fan of yours.

How did you get in here?

CHUCK: Oh, we're just
maintenance crew.

We're checking on the... What?

The whirlpools...
Listen, I gotta go...

Hey, Joe.

(muffled grunting)

They stuffed 'em, Pat.

The Redskins will have
to punt it away.

The Bears will have
one more chance.

Now, the question is,
where's Damski?

MASELLO: Joe? Joe,
where are you?

Joe, we need you.




MASELLO: Who the hell are you?!

CHUCK: I'm your worst nightmare!

Gare, anytime!

(muffled grunting)

All right.

Get him off me.

What are you

It's Masello, the

I hate that guy.


Oh, let's get him
out of here.

Come on...



(men chattering)

Someone's coming.

Close the door.

Lock it!

Hey, Joe, is that you?

(knocking on door)
Hey, Joe, open up!

(clears throat)

Uh... it's stuck.

Who's this?


Where's Joe?

Uh, he's, um...
(clears throat)

call of nature.

Well, listen, we got
the ball back.

We need him.
He's coming right out.

He just said be patient
for a sec, you know.

He's human.

Hey, who is

Come on,
open up!

I'm gonna go call

Oh, no, no.
Oh, yes.

Oh, no. Uh, listen,
in another minute,

they're gonna force
this door down,

and they're gonna
see you and me

and two chloroformed
Bear players.

It's your call, buddy.


One foot in front of
the other. All right.

What's the worst thing
that can happen, huh?

You take the snap,
you get flattened,

an ambulance comes,
and then, uh...

Just remember, Gare,

there are 20 million Bears
fans counting on you.

All right?

Let me do all the talking.
Keep your mouth shut.

Hey, look, here's Joe!

Joe, thank God.
Hey, what's with the visor?

Uh, he had eye problems...
cornea, it's his cornea.

How come
he can't talk?

He, uh, broke his jaw, too.

His jaw's wired shut.

His jaw? I thought
it was his knee.

You know, the jaw bone's
connected to the knee bone's

connected to the eye socket's

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can't call plays, huh?

Conklin, get over here!


Joe can't talk.

You gotta call
the snap for him.

Uh, 93, wide cross. Go.

Now, you got it?
Go, go. Get it done.

Listen to that crowd, Dick.

Damski's back, and so are the
Bears' chances. I told ya.

BUTKUS: Couldn't have
put it better myself.

Well, whatever they did
to him in the locker room,

Damski doesn't even look
like the same player.

Well, he's got a knee
brace on his left knee,

and a-and a visor, which
I've never seen before.

There's a report now
from the field

that he has a scratched
cornea and a broken jaw.

And he's still out there.


You gotta love
a guy like that.

14 seconds left.

Ball on the Redskins' 40.
No time outs.

Well, that would be a record
kick for a good placekicker,

and unfortunately, the Bears
don't have a good kicker.

So, it's all on
Damski's shoulders,

as the Bears break
from the huddle.

Shotgun formation,

Fuller split left.

And the crowd's
on its feet.

This is it. The entire
season on the line.

If the Bears win,
they're in the play-offs.

If they lose, it's wait
till next year.

Damski seems
confused, Pat.

That injury may have shook
him up more than we know.

Conklin's calling the signals.
Very long count.

Play clock down
to three seconds.

Come on, come on,
snap the ball, will ya?

And Fuller has it.
(crowd cheering)

Makes a great move
on Curtis,

and it's a footrace
for the sideline.

(crowd cheering)

First down at the six,
a 34-yard play.

Hold it, Pat.
Damski's hurt.

Damski's not moving, and
there's a flag on the field.

Here's the replay.

Joe rolls right,
avoids the tackle,

but Rass keeps after him...

and down he goes.

After he released
the ball, Pat.

I mean, that's definitely
roughing the passer.

Look at his head
snap back.

Man, I hate
to see that.

CHUCK: Excuse me. Excuse me.
That was nasty, huh?

Hey, you okay? Huh?
Hey, Joe?

Speak to me.
Hey, shake it off, Joe.

He's moving.

No, no!
Don't touch his helmet!

He's right. Don't move his head.
Is he all right?

Get a stretcher in here.
Hey, get a stretcher!

All right,
easy, watch it.

We love you, Joe!

Put him down.
One, two, three...

You'll, be all right, man.

You're gonna be
all right, buddy.

We're with you, Joe.

All right, Joe.
Watch his head.

Shake it off!

Hey, Masello?

Come on. Yeah, you.

Remember, we got
a game to win.

Come on!

Four seconds on the clock.

Ball on the Redskins' six.

It all comes down
to the foot

of kicker Tony Masello.

Stay with him.

I want to check
on the X-ray unit.

Masello's missed one extra
point already today.

You know something?
I hate kickers.

I mean, you spend
59 minutes in a war,

and then it all comes
down to a skinny kid

who grew up
playing soccer.

We will keep you updated
on Damski's condition

as soon as
we get anything.

In the meantime, we've still
got a one point game

down on the field.

Four seconds left.

This is it.

Masello's coming on
for what will be

a 23-yard
field goal attempt.

This would be an automatic
for most kickers.

Kiss this one good-bye.
We're doomed.

Have faith.

He stinks.

BUTKUS: Yeah, but Masello
isn't most kickers.

I mean, look at
the guy, Pat.

Look at the crowd.

I've never heard them
so quiet.

Well, the hopes and
dreams of an entire city

are riding on this kick.

Well, you're right
about that.

We're talking about
three points

that'll spell
the difference

between disaster
and triumph.

It's good! The Bears win!

I don't believe it!



It's good.

The Bears win.

I don't believe it.

The ball bounced off
a Redskins' helmet,

hit the right upright,

and somehow got through.

I don't believe it.



Joe, are you all right?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

I'm just... I'm just...

I'm just a little woozy,
that's all.

But I'm ready to play, coach.


Send-send me in, coach.

If you're in here,
then who's out there?

(excited chattering)

Hey, what up?

How you doing?
I'm freezing.

Put this on.

Can we go now?

Pretty great kick, huh?

Tell us about that
last drive, Joe.

Well, to tell you the truth,
Dick, I don't remember too much.

I've, uh, I've seen the replay.

Doesn't seem to be me out there.

And that made me
realize something.

I mean, I love this game.

It's all I've ever known.

Hey, Bob. But I think there comes
a time in every athlete's life

where he has to face
the fact that he's just...

just too old to play anymore.

And that time is now.

Frankly, life without football
scares the hell out of me.

But a future without
my health...

and my wonderful
wife, Colleen,

boy, that scares me
a lot more.

So, I'd like to thank the Bears
and the city of Chicago.

They're the
greatest fans

in the world.

And I'll be cheering with you
all the way to the Super Bowl.

Good-bye. BUTKUS:
Good luck, Joe.

(reporters murmuring)

Well, Pat, Regular Joe
just dropped another bomb.

But you know something?

I think this retirement
is for good.

Back to you, Pat.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Quarterback Regular Joe Damski
shocked the fans here in Chicago

by announcing his retirement.

Damski brought the team
from the cellar

all the way to the play-offs.

He left the game as he arrived...
(buzzer sounds)

a class act,
a leader by example...



What is this?

That's... it's a, uh...

peace offering.

"To Chuck,
Regular Joe Damski."

Hey, you think you can buy
my love with a football?

So, you need my help
at McGinty's, huh?


you belong there.

And Marissa?

Well, she's part
of the team, too.

She doesn't know anything
about running a restaurant.

Well, that's another thing.

It's not gonna be
a restaurant anymore.

We're gonna turn it back into
the tavern that it used to be.

And no more fancy wine glasses,
no more cigar rooms.

You gonna be around this time?

Well, as much as I can.

I still gotta deal
with the paper.

What about Sundays?

Even the big guy upstairs
rests on Sundays.

Well, hey, look what
almost happened today.

I thought you wanted
your life back.

Well, I've been thinking...

Maybe this is my life.

And-and maybe if...
maybe if I didn't get the paper,

I'd... I'd still be
helping people.

That's you, Gare,

always looking out
for number two.


Well, anyway, the fact of the
matter is that, you know,

I-I-I don't... I don't need much
to make me happy, Chuck.

And, you know,
a place to call home,

and friends to share it with.

I mean, what do you say?


We need cocktail napkins.


Say no more.

Chuck, you're
a whirlwind.

Got to stay on top.

Business is up 40% since
I convinced Gary

to turn this place back
into a sports bar.

You convinced Gary to...?

That's right. I gotta go.

I'm busy. Busy like
a little beaver.

Fishman to Hobson.
(bottles clattering)

Take care of
those, buddy.

Sissy, make sure all the
tables have pretzels, okay?

Damian, this one...

Get him out of here.

What's with Chuck?

It's like he's-he's
a whole new, uh, Chuck.

Not entirely.



You know...

I love what you're doing
with the place.

You made the right choice, Gary.

Always listen to your heart.

It's what's in here that counts.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Do you know that man, Gary?

I-I-I don't know
if I do or not.

(cat meows)