Early Edition (1996–2000): Season 2, Episode 5 - Downsized - full transcript

(lively background chatter)

CHUCK: You don't need
me to tell you again,

it's a dog-eat-dog world
out there these days.

Winning's what it's about.

Stay sharp and never,
ever look weak.

For every hotshot
on the way up,

there's another one
coming down.

And the landing
is never pretty.

Alan...

We always knew
this day was coming.

Ever since
the dragon lady took over.



Here, want this?

Stockbroker of the Year, 1982.

(plaque clatters
in trash can)

Alan, here, come on.

You may want this someday.

What am I gonna tell Caroline?

What am I going on about?

The world's always looking

for a 55-year-old
stockbroker, right?

Look at them.

Sharks.

ALAN: Thanks for all
your support, fellas!

Take it easy, pal.

Hey, is there anything
I can do?



Yeah.

Watch your back.

(water running)

(snoring)

(cat meowing)

(paper thuds against door)

"Stockbroker in coma..."

That's my old boss.

Fred.

(theme music playing)

CHUCK: What if you
knew, beyond a doubt,

what was going
to happen tomorrow?

What would you do?

There's no easy answer

for a guy
who gets tomorrow's news today.

♪

This is not me.

Hey, Gare!

Remember that photo shoot I did
yesterday

for the magazine
Eating Out In Chicago?

GARY: Yeah.

Well, it didn't go too well.

Major publicity for us, pal,

and it is a disaster.

Forget about that.

Forget about that?

I look like
something out of

One Flew Over
The Cuckoo's Nest.

Look at that.
Look at this.

"Mr. Frederick Meanwell,
a veteran broker

with the firm of
Strauss and Associates,

went into cardiac arrest

shortly after the plastic
surgeon, Dr. Swenson,

had made the first incision."

Clear!
Clear!

"A spokesman for the
hospital said that

Mr. Meanwell remains
in critical condition."

I feel sick.

Yeah.

The man is like
a father to me.

Both of us.

Plastic surgery? Fred?

I mean, he's not the
greatest looking guy,

but still, he's
never been that vain.

Well, I guess I'll just
have to go talk to him.

Yeah, and what are
you gonna say to him?

I don't know.

Fred!

Gary!

Hey! How you doing?
Good, doing good.

Hey, what a coincidence,
walking into you here.

Hey, you're
looking good, huh?

Oh, couldn't be better.
Yeah, good.

I haven't seen you
in a couple of months.

How are things?
Well, I sold the house.

I got a nice condo
on the lake now.

Hey, what about
you, kid? Huh?

I hear that you
and Chuck

are starting
a new restaurant.

Oh, yeah...

Still chasing
those rainbows, huh?

It's, uh, I haven't found
the pot of gold yet,

but I'm still chasing.
Nah, you keep looking.

Listen, listen to me.

I am so proud of you, boy.

I mean, you did it.

You actually got out.

Yeah, I-I guess I did.

Well, how about you?

Me? What?

You talked about teaching
high school math.

Whatever became of that?

Hey, you know,
I still got a daughter

in her second year
of law school to support.

Meanwhile, I'm still
paying her tuition,

plus, I've got
alimony, you know.

I've chased all my rainbows.

What's that mean?

Ah, nothing.

Look, kid, I gotta run.

Hey, listen, it's good
seeing you again, okay?

It's been too long.
Give me a call, will ya?

Yeah.
Call me, I mean it.

Fred, Fred!
Yeah?

I understand
you're having surgery.

Where'd you hear that?

Uh, well, Chuck was
at his plastic surgeon's,

and he saw your name on a chart.

What's wrong with Chuck?

Well, his football,
old football injury.

Oh...
I told him, I said,

you know, look,
beauty's on the inside.

What do you need this for?
Chuck doesn't listen.

So, what are you
having done, Fred?

Well, (chuckles), uh...

you know, things have
changed down at the office.

Sandy Comess was promoted
to manager, and she's become

the high priestess of
the youth culture now.

Sandy?

Yeah, Sandy Comess.

Yeah, she canned
Alan Newton yesterday,

and by the way she
looks at me, I'm next.

I mean, hell, you know,
image is everything,

and I'm competing with these

young stockbrokers and
their high-tech stocks.

I'm just gonna try to level
the playing field, that's all.

Hey, keep this to yourself.

Now, listen...

are you sure you want to
do something like this?

I mean, uh...
Why not?

Well, surgery, it's,
it's a very risky business.

It's very risky.

And, uh, do you even
know the surgeon?

Gary, he's one of the best.

Okay? Look, I gotta go.

I've got a big appointment,
I can't be late, okay?

You call me, all right?

Say-say hello
to Chuck for me.

Yeah, I'll do that.

(overlapping chatter,
phones ringing)

Sandy.

Gary, it's been a while.

Yes, it has.

If you're looking
for a position,

I'm afraid we're overstaffed as it is.
No, I'm not.

Actually, I'm here to talk
to you about Fred Meanwell.

You know, Fred's a good
friend of mine, Sandy.

Oh, yes, I do.

What about him?

Well, Fred's got
this, uh, crazy idea

that you're thinking
about letting him go.

This is a company matter, Gary.

You know, Sandy,
when I came here

before you, I was
told two things:

One, that the, uh, the
market was a jungle,

and two, that you need
a pretty damn good guide

to get through that jungle.

And I gotta tell
you something:

Fred Meanwell's one of the best
damn guides I ever knew, Sandy.

Well, the jungle's
changed, Gary.

There's a lot of new,
young lions out there.

Ernie, what's the
six-month LIBOR?

7.65 percent.

.12 up from yesterday.

Case in point.

Fred doesn't even
know what LIBOR is.

Hey, Sandy, how old are you?

What's that got to do with Fred?

Well, I would hope it has
nothing to do with Fred.

Just as I would hope it would have
nothing to do with you someday.

Oh, look, Gary,

what's keeping Fred here is one
very big client, Harry Knighton.

That's it.

Fred's with him now.

He's got some hot tip

about the Hartfeld Corporation.

Wants Knighton to invest big.

As far as I'm concerned,
he blows this,

well, it's not personal.

But you know the game, Gary.

(door closes)

Fred!
Come on in.

Thanks, Harry. It's
good to see you again.

You, too.
How are you?

Great.
Have a seat.

Thank you.

Joanne tells me that, uh,

you've got a tip on
Hartfeld Corporation.

Well, your, uh, your pretty
assistant is absolutely right.

I thought old man Hartfeld
was still in the hospital.

Until this morning.

Now, my sources tell me that
he got up out of the wheelchair

and walked out
a back entrance

under his own steam.

Now, they're gonna
try to keep this

from the press
for a couple of days.

You and your sources, Fred.

Yeah, I know, that's what
we pay the man for, Joanne.

But, uh,

I'm still a little bit
shaky here, Fred.

Hartfeld Corporation is totally
dependent on Garson Hartfeld.

Now, if he's able to run
things again, great.

We're gonna make a killing.

But if he steps
down again...

My sources tell me

that he looks healthier
than he has looked in years.

I'm in.

Buy me 180,000.

Mr. Knighton, I think that...

Joanne, we're gonna
load the boat.

I'm betting on Fred.

Oh, Harry, uh,

we should make this
individual equities,

'cause you're gonna
be paying a load,

but at least you'll have a
pillow under your downside.

See what I'm talking about?

Experience.

Excuse me.

Uh, Dr. Swenson?

Yes?

My name is Gary Hobson.

I wonder if I could
speak to you a minute.

What can I do for you?

Fred Meanwell,
he's a very dear

friend of mine, and he's
coming in for surgery today

and I... well, I'm concerned.

Well, how's that?

Fred's in a slump
right now,

and I have a feeling
this surgery is unnecessary.

That's his choice,
Mr. Hobson.

Well, no, no, I...
I understand that.

I-It's just that he hasn't
been himself lately.

He's, uh, kind of depressed,

and you did give him a
thorough checkup, didn't you?

Something that's generally
recommended before surgery.

Well, I, I think that, uh,
I don't want Fred to rush

into anything here,
and I think that if,

if you and I
spoke to him,

maybe we could get him
to put it off a day or two.

Fred has already
made his decision.

I can't discuss
his case with you.

Well, yes, I...

Is there anything else?

Well, I...

I have patients to see.

No.

Ooh.
Okay, one more.

Here we go.

Very good... good.

Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

One second, Cindy.

Okay, get ready
to smile.

(camera snapping)

A little
less smile.

Move your head
to the left.

Excellent.
(camera snapping)

Okay.

Good.
(camera snapping)

You know, it's so good
to have a real professional.

Not that the other guy
wasn't a professional.

He just didn't have your, um...

your, um...

Portfolio?

Your, uh...
your vibe.

GARY: Chuck, you in there? No.

Come on.

Gare, you're in my light, please.
Huh?

Listen... Oh, take one
of the two of us.

Listen, I think I know why...
Gare, did you meet Cindy?

No, I didn't... hello, Cindy.
Cindy, Gary; Gary, Cindy.

Hello, Cindy.

Hi, Gary.

Listen, I think
I know why Fred...

why he's having
the surgery.

It's because
he's gonna... thinks...

well, he thinks he's
going to lose his job,

so we got to save his job.
Okay, that's right.

I'm a little busy right
now taking these pictures.

Would you, uh, listen
to me, would you?

Look.

Harry Knighton,
Fred's client...

he's big in the
Hartfeld Corporation.

Yeah, well, Hartfeld's about
to croak... I wouldn't invest.

No, no, you don't
understand.

This is a solution
right here.

So, it...
Marissa, you ready?

All set.

Everything here
to keep him busy.

Come on, let's go.
And do what?

Look, I'll explain
along the way.

Please, just let's go... come on.

How do we get out of here?

All right, uh...
Cindy, you're going

to get me those proof sheets?

You got it... pronto.

And, uh,
maybe next time,

I'll, uh...

I'll take your picture, huh?

Whoa.

Where did you get
all this stuff?

My Great-Aunt May.

You know, she never
throws anything away.

Oh, well, that must
run in the family.

Hey, I think, uh...

I think that photographer
has a thing for me.

It's too bad you couldn't
see her, Marissa.

Oh... she's really hot, huh?
Mm-hmm.

Come on, let's take
your car.

Oh, there's a little
problem with the car.

Parking tickets... I
got the Denver boot.

We got to take a taxi.
Uh, wait a second.

We're not going to get
a taxi at this hour.

Just leave it
to an expert.

You're not going to find
a taxi at this... Taxi!

Stop!

(tires screeching)

Come on.

Let's go.
(door opening)

Just got to know how
to speak their language.

Right, Chooch?

MALE TAXI DRIVER:
You got it, Guido.

Okay.

FRED: Mr. Benzinger, I realize

you're a very busy man,
but if you

could give me ten minutes
of your time,

then I could
explain to you

the opportunities
of mortgage bonds.

I think you'd be
very interested.

Uh, could you hold on,
Mr. Benzinger?

Hey, Marissa.

Hey, Fred, how you keeping?

I miss your smile
at the reception desk.

I miss your voice.

So, what's uh...
what's with the box?

It's an inheritance
from my Great-Aunt May.

She passed away last week.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah.

Well, the good news is, um,
she left me all this.

Uh, just one second.

FRED: Hey, Mr. Benzinger,
can I call you right back?

Thank you.

Well, that's, uh...

that was very generous
of her, Marissa.

You know me, Fred.

Uh, investing is not
my strong point.

And Gary said that there

was no one better
to help me sort

through all
this than you.

Ah, well...

what... what exactly is...
is in the box?

I know what you're thinking.

Chump change.

Don't be fooled.

My Aunt May may have
lived like a pack rat,

but she was very sly
when it came to money.

I... I could be sitting
on a gold mine.

I really appreciate this, Fred.

Oh.

Yeah... no problem.

No problem at all.

Why don't we, uh, use
the conference room?

Okay.

You want to just
take my arm?

Yeah, following you.

Ah, that old
familiar smell:

fear, sweat
and Big Macs.

You believe we used
to live like this?

Oh, listen, I don't even
want to think about it.

Another hour
in this place,

and they'll be dragging
the river for my body.

Bingo.

Just give me
five minutes.

Go... go, go,
go, go.

Ms. Comess?

What an enchanting ensemble.

Has anyone ever told you
you have an incredible flair

for fashion?

Fishman.

Weren't you recently fired
from this establishment?

Uh, no.

I believe
"tendered my resignation"

is the operative phrase.

I decided to pay a little
social visit, and you

were on the top
of the list.

Is this
a bad time?

MARISSA: Obviously, you want to
invest for the long term, so...

should I be thinking growth
or dividend income?

Uh, well, uh, that, uh,
all depends on the amount.

KROELL:
Hey, Gare.

If you're looking for Fred,
he's in the conference room.

Fred? No, no, no.

I... I was just...
just reminiscing.

Oh.

CHUCK:
Here's the deal.

I am now part owner

and full-time manager

of one of the hottest
restaurants in Chicago,

and we are talking
about expanding.

(chuckling):
Oh, please.

This has the word,
"franchise,"

written all over it.

(typing)

Now, we're thinking of starting
an initial stock option

at five dollars a share.
(beeping)

Ernie, did you call
Ms. Miller about...

Mrs. Comess.
Fishman.

You're missing the big
picture here, Ms. Comess.

The big tableau.

(typing)

Oh, what are we up to so far?

$312

in cash, a, uh, modest

coin collection

and, uh, 16 postage stamps.

(beep)

(beep)

(beeping)

Ma'am...

big trade, crazy.

I don't understand it.

Elucidate.

According to the board,

we just dumped Mr. Knighton's
entire holding in Hartfeld Corp.

What?

180,000 shares, gone.

Wait, wait.

Fred just put through
the order to buy them.

Are you sure?
I'm sure.

Oh, my God.

I would forget about
the S and P 500 for now

and think more in terms
of getting you a CD.

COMESS: Meanwell, my office now.

(snaps fingers)

Uh... uh, excuse me,
Marissa.

Thanks, Fred.

You, out.

Think about
what I said, huh?

You just sold
all Hartfeld stock.

I... I, uh... I did what?

I want an
explanation,

and I want it now.

An explanation for what?

How could you sell those shares?

Are you completely
out of your mind?

Harry Knighton on the horn
for you, Meanwell.

Line two.

Put him on speaker.

We should all hear this.

(switch clicks)
Go ahead, Mr. Knighton.

KNIGHTON (over speaker):
Fred, are you there?

Uh... oh,
I'm here.

I'm right here,
Harry.

I'm not happy, Fred.

In fact, you could say
I'm about to go thermonuclear.

You said the man was healthy;
and the next thing I hear,

his ticker explodes!

What?

We got to dump that stock, Fred.

It's going to fall like a stone.

Fred, are you there?!

(mouthing)

I... I sold the stock, Harry.

All of it?

All... the whole thing,
all of it.

(sighs)

How did you know?

Sources, Harry.

You know, you never underestimate
the value of sources.

You... you mean we're okay?

We didn't lose anything?

Well, as a matter
of fact...

(typing)

(computer beeps)

you are...

20 grand to the good.

Uh, it's not much,
I'm afraid, but,

you know, it's...

(laughing):
Fred.

I... oh, I love you, Fred!

(laughing)

Well, I'm very fond
of you, too, Harry.

Excuse me while I crawl back
from the ledge here.

I'll, uh...

I'll talk to you later.

Good-bye, Harry.

Sources?

Each to his own, Ms. Comess.

Or... or shall I
call you Sandra?

You can call me
whatever you want.

How about over lunch?

I'd like to learn more
about the Meanwell method.

I'd be delighted, but I'm afraid
it will have to wait.

I have an appointment.

If you'll excuse me.

And don't forget,
I'm on vacation.

Well, another hard day's work
at the office, huh?

Memories, buddy.

Get a cab.

Watch out, watch out.

Taxi!

Hey, hey!

That's pathetic.

Wait here.

Out of my way, pal.

Whoa!
(tires screeching)

Okay.

See? No problemo.

(Chuck sighs)

No.

I thought you were supposed
to be good.

I'm an artist, Chuck...
not a surgeon.

An artist? Who do you think
you are, Salvador Dalí?

These are surreal.

Hey, if the
shoe fits.

What is that supposed to mean?
I'm out of here.

You'll get my bill.

It's been fun.

Sort of.

You expect me
to pay for these?

Unbelievable.

What?

Nothing.

I know
my face, Gare.

These don't look
anything like me.

Is that
too much to ask?

Some passing
resemblance?

There's got to be a decent
photographer in this town.

Maybe you should go
to a different city.

Chuck, come here, look at this.

Fred's not going to go
into a coma anymore.

That's great.
No, it's not.

Look.

"Stockbroker dies

while undergoing
plastic surgery."

It's got to be a mistake.

A mistake?

Yeah, it's got to be
stuck or something.

What do you mean, stuck?

The paper... it happens.

Yeah... a piece of grit
gets stuck into the, uh,

cosmic machinery and makes
the whole thing just stop.

What are you talking about?

What else could it be?

I mean, we saved
the guy's job, right?

Heck, he's practically
a hero down there now.

So, if what you say is right,
the only reason he

was getting plastic surgery was
so that he could keep his job.

Well, now that
his job is safe,

there's no reason
for him to even

get plastic surgery,
so the thing's got to be wrong.

Unless I could be wrong.

Right?

Whatever the reason is,
we got to figure it out.

Right.

JOANNE:
Fred?

Hey.
Hi.

How are you, sweetie?

Good. Mm.

Hello, my little genius.

I cannot believe

what you did
this morning.

Lucky, huh? Luck had
nothing to do with it.

You are the smartest,
most wonderful man

in the entire world.

(laughing):
Yes. Whatever you say.

GARY:
Fred!

Gary, what are you...?

What a coincidence.

Meeting you three times
in one day, huh?

Really. Oh, uh, Gary Hobson,
this is Joanne Hanson.

Hi.
Oh, nice to meet you.

Gary's a friend of mine.
Nice to meet you.

Fred's very proud
of your success.

We're gonna have to come by and
see your restaurant sometime.

Oh, please do, any time.
Any time at all.

I got to get
back to work.

Okay, darling. Bye.
See you later.

Nice to meet you.

GARY:
Nice to meet you.

Nice lady.
Yeah, yeah.

She works, uh... works
for Harry Knighton.

We've been seeing each
other for a few months.

Oh, listen, Fred, I want
to talk to you about something.

Hey, look, I want to
thank you for this morning.

Oh. How the hell
did you do that?!

Well, it's just,
uh, sources.

You always taught me, never
underestimate a source.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, anyway,
you-you sure saved my bacon.

Well, that-that's good.

Now, listen, Fred,

you won't be needing
that, uh, surgery.

Gary, did you get
a good look at Joanne?

Yeah. She's a good-looking...

She's 33, and I'm fifty.
How long do you think a great

girl like that
is gonna stay with me, huh?

I don't know.

Sometimes when I'm with her,
age doesn't matter at all.

You know?

And then I look in the mirror...

Fred, have you told her
about the surgery yet?

No, no.

She thinks I'm gonna be out
of town for a few weeks.

Well, Fred, maybe you
ought to tell her.

Oh, yeah, sure.
Let her see how desperate I am.

Maybe she doesn't
want you to change.

I mean, maybe, she...

Gary, you can't believe
what they say to you

just to make you feel good.

Anyway, I've heard
that song before.

Yeah, I know.
I've been divorced before,

too, remember? But I got...

Yeah, I know,
but she didn't dump you

for some 28-year-old golf pro,
you know?

I mean, she didn't...

Buddy.

Wise up, Gary. It all

turns out to be the things
you don't want it to be.

Money, power, looks.

Come on, Fred, you don't
believe that. I mean...

Gary, Gary, look,
take care of yourself, okay?

You're, you're acting
a little strange, all right?

Well...
No, no, no.

No. Starting a restaurant
is very stressful, you know?

So, get some rest
or take some time off?

Well, Fred, maybe
you ought to...

I'll give you a call, okay?

In a month,
I'll give you a call.

But listen, Fred...
Good-bye, Gary.

Fred, there's something I
want to tell you now. I...

Good-bye, Gary.

Bye-bye.

(whispering):
All right, now, listen,

I got to find
the operating schedule,

the exact time, and the hospital
we're doing this in.

(bell dings)
What are you doing?

(whispers):
Look, go check his office.

How am I gonna do that?

I'll distract
whoever while you go,

sneak in and
find the schedule.

That's the stupidest...

Hi. May I help you?

Hi. My name is Fred Fishburg,

and I need
to see the doctor.

And may I ask
what this is regarding?

Yeah...
Excuse me.

WOMAN: Mm-hmm. Uh, can
I use your bathroom?

Oh, first door on your right.

Anyway, uh,

it's kind of a, uh,
personal matter, but, uh,

(whispers):
it's my face.

(whispers):
What about it?

Well, I just did a, uh,
photo shoot

for a very exclusive
men's magazine,

and I noticed
that from certain angles,

I don't look as handsome
as I do in real life.

(door closes)

Sarah.

Afternoon, Doctor.

Doctor, hi.

My name is Frank Fishburger,

and I'm a new patient.

SWENSON: Oh, that's nice.
I'll be right with you.

You come very highly recommended.
Well, that's good.

You know, by my acquaintances,
my friends, my...

My mother saw you
on Jenny Jones.

Uh, Mr. Goldfish, I have
a very busy day today.

My assistant will be very happy
to give you an appointment.

Security.

What are you
doing here?

I-I don't know
how to put this,

'cause we're running
out of time,

but Fred Meanwell's
life's in danger.

What the hell
are you talking about?

Heart. Man has
a bad ticker.

I tried to stop them, Doctor.

CHUCK: You cut on
Fred, your insurance

premiums are gonna
go through the roof.

You can't operate
on the guy.

CHUCK: We're talking
malpractice city.

I gave Mr. Meanwell
a very thorough physical.

There's no evidence
of any pathology of any kind.

Check him again.
Check him.

Call security.

I did.
GARY: Look,

maybe you missed something

on his physical.

He may sound crazy,

but look at his
face... all-American,

sincere, earnest, honest.

Get them out of here, both of them.
Come on, let's go...

Does he look crazy to you?
Do I? Come on, let's go.

I'm telling you, you can't
operate on this guy.

CHUCK: If the papers
get wind of this,

this is not gonna be good
for our business.

You happy now?
Come on.

Come on, let's go.
Come on.

No problem. No problem.
Come on, move it.

Did you find out
where and when?

Yeah. We've only got a couple
of hours to convince him.

Come on, we got the
light. Let's go.

(phone ringing,
indistinct chatter)

He's here.

(phone ringing,
indistinct chatter)

(computer keys clicking)

SANDY:
Went on vacation.

Back in three weeks.

Look, I really wanted
to talk to Fred,

but we can't reach
him anywhere.

Maybe you could help.
How's that?

I still can't figure out how
Fred knew about Hartfeld dying.

I mean,
he sold the stock

minutes before
the announcement.

Well, Fred's got
good instincts.

Kroell says he saw you

hanging around
Fred's desk

right before
the news came out,

and then you
slipped away.

Well, that's because
I was waiting

for Chuck to finish talking
to you, and I...

You're-you're...
You're not... You're not...

You're not thinking
that I was involved in any

insider trading
or anything?

No, no. I just want to know
how you guys did it.

Maybe we could work together
on this.

I'm retired.

You're kidding?

No. He told me he was

going to a Bavarian health spa.

(scoffs)

Why would he lie to me?

Well, I-I... I think maybe

he's just, you know,
a little embarrassed.

Listen, I love Fred,

but he's not the most secure guy
in the world.

Well, it's not because
of anything I said.

I mean, I never...
Oh, no, no.

I'm not making any accusations.

Believe me, I...

I just don't want Fred
to make a mistake is all.

Well, what would
you like me to do?

Well, I wondered
if you could speak with him.

And say what?

Well, reassure him.

I-I think if you and I...
well, the both of us...

we talked to him,
then we can talk him out

of the whole crazy idea.

I'm not all that sure
it's so crazy.

Excuse me?

Fred is an adult.

He doesn't need you or I
to make decisions for him.

Yes, but I don't think
this is a decision

that he needs to be making,
believe me.

Have you ever actually
known anyone

who's had cosmetic surgery?

Well, no, I haven't, but I...

All right, look,

he's a grown man, okay?

He doesn't need you or I
to go around policing him.

If you love somebody,
you need to let them be free

to make their own decisions.
Oh, well, that's great,

but I don't think Fred's...
I got to go work on this.

Oh, will-will you talk to him?

No. I don't think so.
Wait.

Oh... What if I told you

that if he goes through
with this operation,

it could put his life
on the line?

How do you know?

Well, I-I know, because I...

I can't tell you how I know,

but I-I... I know...

Oh, okay, look, Mr. Hobson,

Gary, I know you mean well,
all right?

But I happen to know
Dr. Swenson's reputation,

and I know that he
would not put Fred

in any danger
whatsoever, all right?

Yeah, well, that's great, but...
I'm really sorry.

I have to go. I can't help you.
Excuse me.

(brakes squeaking)

(indistinct chatter)

Well, I see why you didn't
want to talk to him. What?

Well, it looks like you found
someone else to talk to.

Gary, I...

Look, you're gonna
tell him the truth,

you're gonna cut him
loose, all right?

David.
Mom.

You know, all you people...
you're all the same.

Yeah, it's all a big game
to you, isn't it, Mom? Mom?

JOANNE:
Gary, this is

my son, David.

Hi.

Your son?

Yeah.

Yeah.

David, could you get
us a couple of lattes?

Okay.

Thanks.

He's just staying
with me a couple of days.

He's, uh...

Why don't you sit down
before you fall down?

David just started
medical school.

Northwestern.

You're married?

No. I was married 22 years ago.

I'm divorced.

And Fred knows this?

No. I haven't been able
to tell him.

Why not?

(laughs)

Well, he thinks I'm 33.

Excuse me?

I'm 42 years old, Gary.

Cosmetic surgery.

Oh.

After my marriage,

when guys would find out I had
a kid, they would just run away.

Then I turned 40,
and I really panicked.

I didn't really
know what to do.

I mean, I didn't
want to be alone.

So I did it.

And I haven't quite been able
to tell Fred.

Listen to me.

Fred's not doing this
for himself.

Fred's doing this out of vanity.

And you got to stop him,
'cause in 40 minutes, he's gonna

go into surgery, and you got
to be there before he does.

He'll hate me.

Fred's a good, honest man.
They don't make 'em

like Fred anymore.
When he talks about you,

his whole face lights up.

Ever since I've known Fred,
he's been like a father to me,

and I don't want to see anything
terrible happen to him.

And if you can get there

before he goes into surgery,
I promise you,

it'll be like
you're saving his life.

What have you got to lose?

DAVID: Mom, you have the, uh,

nonfat decaf latte, right?

We're leaving.

What?

We're leaving.

CHUCK: All right, all
right, how about this?

You call the doctor's office.

You tell them that Fred
has had a change of heart

and that he's not coming.

And then Fred shows up.

All right,
better idea, better idea.

Call him, tell him
that Michael Jordan is looking

for a forth at a golf game
at the Lake Hills Country Club.

No, because if he's
a sports fan... I mean,

everybody knows the Bulls
are not in town.

All right,
all right.

How about this?

(phone ringing)

McGinty's.

Chuck, Joanne's going to help.

Great. Yeah, listen, you're
closer to the hospital.

We're not going
to make it on time,

so I want you to keep him
off the table, all right?

I'll keep him on ice
until you get there. Bye.

Uh...

Everything
looks great, Fred.

See you
about 20 minutes.

I'll be right here.

Thanks.

CHUCK (British accent):
Afternoon, Doctor.

(clears throat)
Well, Mr. Meanwell,

how are you feeling
today, old chap?

Well, you know... Top notch,
by the looks of things.

You look
absolutely fabulous.

Let's see what we've got
on the menu today.

Now, let's see here.

We've got a...
upper blasphomasoly,

lower blasphomasoly...
splendid.

Well, we're going
to be cutting you

from the nape of your neck
to the bottom of your bollocks.

Just kidding, sir.

Okay, let's not keep
the saw box waiting.

Now, I don't know about
whether you know the procedures,

but the first thing
that we're going to be doing...

Whoa... oh, sorry about that. Wait a minute...
Hold on, hold on.

Sorry, sorry. Hang on.
Okey-dokey.

Now, I'll tell you,
Here... all right.

the nurse usually does these
kinds of things, but she's...

(tires screeching)

FEMALE OPERATOR (over phone): I'm sorry, sir...
I can't connect you to that room right now.

They won't put me through
to Fred's room.

Absolutely old fruit.

You just lie back
and make yourself comfy, okay?

MAN:
Whoa.

Hold on there, chief.

That patient
is pre-op.

Right.

The OR
is that way.

Indeed it is.

Good fellow.

Well spotted.

We're under the
strictest orders

to keep our
junior chappies

on their toes,
don't you know?

What's your
name, sir?

Jimmy. Jimmy, I'll be
sure you're sent up

to Obstetrics
right away.

Uh, to the right.

Right.

Right it is.

Jimmy, you're impressing me
more and more every...

GARY:
Hey, can you pick it up?

We're running out of time here.

Mr. Meanwell, how you doing?

Oh, okay.

Those drugs
kicking in yet?

Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's good.

Okay, well, I'm going
to put you out in a minute.

Okay. All right.
Excuse me, uh...

Doctor... Harper.

And you are?

I'm Dr. Livingston.

Listen, I just got back
down from Obstetrics.

Oh, man, what a scene.

There was a lady there
screaming,

bellowing for her epidermal.

I offered to administer it,
but she refused.

Wouldn't let me
lay a finger on her.

She insists
that you stick her.

Me?

Are you sure?

Yeah, didn't you
get the page?

No.
Oh, those numskulls.

I'll tell you what.

Uh, you go
down there now,

and I'll, uh... I'll hold down
the fort over here, okay?

Uh... what did you say
your name was again?

Uh, Livingston.

The "G" is silent... but
you got to hurry up.

She's going to rip those poor
ob-gyns' heads off. Fine.

I'll just mosey on up.
Excellent. Okay.

HARPER:
Silvia...

have you ever seen
that guy before?

No.
Okay... stay calm.

Don't let him
too close to the patient.

I'll be right back.
Okay.

(tires squealing)

Uh, you sure these
are the largest?

I have massive hands.

Oh.

Clumsy me.

Dr. Livingston, I presume?

Yes, that's my name.

Yeah, let's see some ID, then.
ID?

Well, I...
Come on.

Fred! Fred, don't
let them do it!

Fred, they're going
to kill you!

You've got
to wake up, Fred!

Your face
looks great, Fred!

Some friends you got.

Huh?

What? You sure you
want to proceed?

What? Oh, yeah.

(sighs) Yeah, yeah.

Let's go for it, huh?

I swear, it's not
what it looks like.

I'm actually trying
to save a life here.

Sure you are, Doctor.

(indistinct shouting)

Come on, he's in OR three.

It's down this way.
HARPER: Okay, I'm going

to inject the anesthetic
into your IV.

You'll feel a slight
burning sensation,

and then you'll be out.

See you on the
other side, Fred.

Stop.

Oh, not again.

JOANNE:
Fred.

Joanne?

Joanne?
Wh...

Dr. Swenson.

Well... you...

you two know each other?

Yeah.

Dr. Swenson

operated on me
a couple years ago.

I had a face-lift.

Eyes, everything.

What?

I'm not 33, Fred.

I'm... I'm 42.

And see that guy
over there?

That's my
son, David.

Your son?

Yeah.
GARY: Hey, uh...

why don't... why don't you
give them some room?

Give them a... oh, come on,
give them a little air

just so they can talk
and what have you.

Let's give them
a few minutes.

Why, Joanne?

Why didn't you tell
me all this before?

Well, I was going to.

I just, um...

I was afraid
that I might lose you.

GARY:
Well, it's...

it's not like you've been
totally honest with her, Fred.

I mean, you...

Not that it's any
of my business or anything.

I just...

Your son?

Look, if you're going to hate me
for this, I understand, but I...

I really don't think
that you

should go through
with this surgery,

and... and if it
is dangerous,

I don't want you to do it.

I love you, just like you are.

Gary?

You want to make
yourself useful?

Get that doctor
back in here.

Okay, Fred.

GARY: Hey, Doc, uh, Fred
would like to see you.

SWENSON: What did
you decide, Fred?

Jim, uh...

you're going to
kill me for this.

No problem.

It happens.

Gary, you happy now?

Yeah.

SWENSON:
Folks.

This appears
to be a wrap.

Let's get Mr. Meanwell
back to his room

and get this OR
scrubbed down.

Okay.
(sighs)

Bye, Jim.
Here you go.

NURSE: All right,
right behind you.

Doctor, looks like we had
a little problem here.

Oh, my God.

It's dopamine.

His IV wasn't
attached?

Thank God
we didn't operate.

His blood pressure
would have dived

right through
the floor.

SILVIA:
Oh, my God.

SWENSON: He never
would have survived.

So, what do you think?

CHUCK:
Oh, wonderful.

It's just wonderful.

Well, I... I think it
captures the real you.

At least, it did when
I bailed you out.

I look insane.

Plus, I have repetitive whiplash
injury from being thrown out

of two medical buildings
in the same day.

Well, you got your picture
in the paper, though.

Oh, yeah, and all my friends
and family

are going to see it tomorrow.

Wait a minute.

Where is that photograph?

What photograph?

CHUCK: The original
one, from yesterday.

I still got time to get it
in tomorrow's paper.

Compared to this mug shot,
I look like Paul Newman.

You threw it out.

I did?

Yeah.

All right.

All right, come on,
let's go.

Go where?

Come on...
they're not going to pick up

the garbage
until tomorrow morning.

What are you, crazy?
I'm not going in a Dumpster.

(Chuck sighs)

CHUCK: Fine, I'll get it myself.

(door closing)

Marissa, what do you say
I make us both dinner?

Sure, why not?

(Spike barking)

The three of us.

(cat meowing)

All right, dinner for four.

Forget it, man... the
food stinks here.

CHUCK: Like I said, it's a
competitive world out there.

One day, you're up.

The next day,
it's the Dumpster.

Oh, no.

My pictures.

Still, there's always hope...

so keep your chin up.

And don't forget
to wipe off the schmutz.

I got your letter
of resignation, Fred.

Are you sure you want
to do this?

You're a valuable
guy here.

(chuckling)

I didn't save my
job the other day.

Gary did.

I don't know how
exactly, but he did.

And it made me
realize something.

I don't want this
job anymore.

You're not serious.

Fred's going
into teaching.

And you made
my decision

a whole lot
easier, Sandy.

So, you did help Fred
make his score.

Fred didn't need his score.

He's going to do
what he wants to do.

Don't kid me.

Look, I want a shot
at the brass ring, too, Gary,

and I'm not too fussy
about how I get it.

I... I don't know
how I can help you,

Sandy.
Just take a look

at this buy order
for Nokatech Systems.

Shall I load my
personal portfolio with it?

Look, Sandy, I don't know.

Those are...
those are high-tech stocks.

They're very volatile... I...

So, you're saying

that's a good bet?

Well...

I don't know, Sandy.

I mean, it's...
it's a very personal decision.

We'll keep this
between you and me.

Absolutely.

Thanks.

Hey, give me a call sometime.

I'll show you my upside.

I'll do that, Sandy.

Hey... so what did
the Dragon Lady say?

A stock tip, if you
can believe it.

Did you give her one?

No, I didn't.

At least, I think I didn't.

Yeah, I'll come by and audit
that class of yours, huh?

Gary, you do that, buddy.

I'll see you around.

Take care...
take care, Joanne.

Okay. You too, Gary.
Hey, you, uh,

stop by the restaurant any
time... we'll squeeze you in.

Count on it.
Okay... okay.

Bye-bye.
See you.

Adiós.

CHUCK:
No one likes to admit it.

It's an uncomfortable truth.

The human face
is broadly divided

into two categories:
winners and losers.