Early Edition (1996–2000): Season 2, Episode 3 - The Wedding - full transcript

(footfalls approaching)

I took a message
for you.

There's no name.
Just a number.

Thank you.

Is there anything
else I can do?

No.

Thank you,
Father Keir.

(line ringing)

MAN (on phone):
6-9-8-4.

Is everything in place?

Target on schedule
for 1500 day after tomorrow.



I'll take care of it.

(theme music playing)

CHUCK: What if you
knew, beyond a doubt,

what was going
to happen tomorrow?

What would you do?

There's no easy answer

for a guy
who gets tomorrow's news today.

♪

(purring)

(meowing)

Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

You're supposed to be waiting
at the door.

(growling)



All right.

Morning.

What do you have for me today?

"Foreign Trade Deficit Climbs."

Great.

"Port Pilot Strike."

Good.

"Rat Population Dwindles."

Great.

(meowing)

(growls)

No.

Hey.

(speaking Polish)

Too skinny. Capisce?

No meat!

(speaking Polish)

Enough!

I need you people to focus,
or else nothing will happen.

Marissa, what's going on?

Chuck got us
a catering job.

He... How come no one
told me about this?

Ah, an oversight
in the master plan.

Ma...

Wh-Wh-Who are all these people?

(meowing)
That's it!

GORIN: Get him out of here!

Get him off!

I think he's trying
to tell you something.

Give me a cup of coffee.

Someone give me a cup
of coffee right now!

Come on.
I need it.

If there's something in here,
I don't see it.

(meowing)

"Truck Driver Assaults..."

"8:45 am, the corner
of Orchard and Belmont,

"truck driver assaulted

a local cabaret performer."

GARY: "Tomorrow we reap
what we sow today."

Boy, you're not kidding.

(truck horn blowing)

(brakes screeching)
Oh!

MARILYN:
What...?

What kind of
maniac...

Excuse me, bubba!

Do you think
you own this road,

or have you just
never heard of brakes?

You see a stop sign, hmm?

'Cause I don't
see a stop sign.

You-you see
a stop sign?

Uh, no.
But, uh...
No, no, no.

Listen, fella,
you rear-ended me.

I want to see
some insurance now.

You want a piece of me, huh?

Come on, right now,
here, Princess.

Let's go. You
and me. Go.

No, I-I wouldn't do that.

I wouldn't mess
with him, uh, her.

Oh, looky, hero.

Princess has got a girlfriend.

What, you want to
go two on one,

or you're scared
you'll break a nail?

Yeah. He's a black belt
in karate.

He's got two years in the NFL.

CHUCK:
You tell me, huh?

Oh, God!
Oh, gross!

Oh, the whole town's
turning into Dennis Rodman!

Uh, excuse me, ma'am.

Uh, your car looks all right,
so maybe you should uh...

Have you ever considered

plucking your eyebrows?

No.

Think about it.
I'll do that.

Oh!
Hmm-mm.

Bad boy.

MARILYN:
Ta-ta, sweetheart.

Hey, rental man!
You're two hours late!

GARY:
Chuck...

Hey!

Hey.

Hey, Gare. How you doing?
What are you doing here?

Uh, we got a little function.

Marissa informs me that
we're catering a wedding.

Yeah.
Yeah, we are.

And, uh, everything
is totally under control.

Yeah, well, why don't
I give you a hand?

I don't need a hand.

I have plenty
of hands right here.

Don't you have somebody's
life to save, huh?

Berlatski-Stan...

Oh, boy.
Genie Berlatski?

The Genie Berlatski? Why
didn't you tell me about this?

I was gonna tell you, but
you didn't give me a chance.

I didn't give you a ch...

Her caterer called her
last week and bailed.

She asked if we did weddings.

I said we did. What
else am I going to say?

We need the business.

You-you know,
that's another thing.

We've never catered
before, partner.

Well, you never know until
you try, now, do you?

DRIVER: Hey, I need help
unloading these chairs.

I got to be across town
in a half an hour.

Is it my fault
you're two hours late?

If you know someplace else you
can get 150 little gold chairs,

then you be my guest.

Look, man, I'm, I'm
really sorry, pal.

You-you just should have
told me, that's all.

I know, I know.
I was trying to protect you.

Well, I don't need your
protection, thank you.

Look, the bad news is,

your high school sweetheart's
getting married.

The good news is,
you're catering her wedding.

It wasn't just high school.

Oh, that's right.
I forgot.

You two moved here together
so you could go to college.

And then she dumped you
because...

Don't even get into that.

She didn't dump me.

We...
It was mutual.

Right. Just like Marcia.
(knocking)

No, it's not like Marcia.

Marcia and I were married.

Genie and I, we just...

We-we split up, that's all.

Hey, and who's
this Stanford fella, anyway?

Stan Stanford.

Stan... Stan Stanford?

Yeah.
You believe

that dumb jock who would do his
physics papers on hockey pucks

is now president and founder
of Offside Software, the hottest

commodities trading
software on the market?

Genie's marrying Stan,
and I'm catering the wedding.

Tsk. Yeah.
(door opening)

STEADMAN:
Who are you?

We're the caterers.

Steadman, U.S. Marshal Service.

Head of security
for the wedding.

We walk some more, we see
the happy friends and famil...

(groaning):
Oh...

I know he's a marshall,

but he cannot possibly wear
that suit tomorrow, okay?

Please don't
even start, Scott.

I will have a breakdown.

Mrs. Berlatski.

Oh, that must
be the caterer.

We have to add another eight
for the reception.

Gary!

It's wonderful your being here
to help at the last minute.

I didn't know if you'd be
able to come in person.

Oh, well...

Everything all right
in here, Mrs. Berlatski?

Yes, thank you...

Inspector.

Well, what's, uh,
with the, uh, security?

Alex is testifying at one
of those RICO hearings.

My husband, the hero.

Genie did not want him to do it
because of the wedding.

But you know Alex.

They've been hiding him
in some hideous hotel

for the past three weeks.

Oh.
(clears throat)

Well, will Mr. Berlatski
be at the, uh, the wedding?

He'll be so happy
to see you, Gary.

I'll, I'll be very happy
to see him.

Isn't it something,

Genie getting married?

Yeah.

Finally.

Yeah. I'm sure
she'll be very happy.

You know, Alex and
I always thought...

we always hoped
that it would be you

walking Genie
down the aisle.

You were so good for her.

Well, Genie's...

Gee, Mrs. Berlatski, you know,
I should call the restaurant

and let them know that we have
eight extra guests coming.

Um, I'll, I'll talk
to you soon.

Good.
Okay.

Yes.

Yeah, the, uh, phone
would be down this way.

Gary! Hi!

Another eight?
Oh, sure.

No problem.

I'll tell Gorin.
Um...

Don't forget to tell Chuck we
need three extra temp waiters,

and don't forget
to finalize the guest list.

Whoa, hang on. Let me, uh,

find a pen, or something
to write with.

All right.
Yeah?

Okay, now, that's

three temp waiters.
Try Six this weekend.

He'll give you some names.

Oh, and we'll need
one extra bartender.

Are you there, Gary?

Yeah, the three waiters
and the bartender.

Okay. Umm, now,
would you repeat that

back to me? I just want to make
sure that everything... Gary?

Uh, listen, I'll, I'll
call you back, okay?

All right. All right. Don't
forget everything, okay? Yeah.

I'll see you later. Bye.
(line disconnects)

May I help you?

Hello, Father. I was, uh,
I was just using the phone.

I hope you don't mind.

Oh.

Oh, here's your pen.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Genie?

Gary!

How are you?

How are you?

Fine.
How are you doing?

Good to see you. Oh, it's
good to see you, too.

Uh, I didn't think you were
going to be able to come by.

Chuck said that
you've been so busy.

Uh, Chuck overstates
things a little bit.

Look, uh, every caterer
in town was booked.

I hope you don't mind
doing this.

Of course not.
You really don't mind?

No, I don't mind.

Good.

I'm very happy for you.

Any closer, you two guys
could sell tickets for this.

Stan.

Isn't this
wonderful, sweetie?

Gary's here.

Oh, absolutely.
Stan.

Congratulations.

You did good.

Oh, I guess I would have
to agree with you on that.

MRS. BERLATSKI:
Isn't this sweet?

It's your own little
reunion, sweetheart.

Stan, I just realized
something awful.

We haven't arranged for anybody
to pick up your Uncle Bob

tomorrow at the train station.

Oh, that's terrific.
Honey, send a limo.

Genie, I haven't seen
the man in 20 years.

Okay? He's my only relative
coming to the wedding.

I'd pick him up myself, but I-I
have to be at the hairdresser.

And we have got the
photographer at, uh...

11:00.

I'll go pick him up.

That is so thoughtful
of you, Gary.

GENIE:
Thank you. That's very nice.

Well, it's nothing.

You're a prince, Gary.

But then I guess you do have a
lot of free time on your hands.

I'm sure that Gary has a lot of
important things to attend to.

Actually, I need to get
the final guest list...

Oh!
...so we can go over it.

(quiet chatter)

(sighing)

Great.

And you're sure this
catering business of yours,

this isn't interfering
with the restaurant?

Gare, look, I know you're new
to the restaurant game, okay?

I know what I'm doing.

The wedding reception
is 150 people

and is a captive audience.

Now, I guess the, uh,
bride-and groom-to-be

are gonna show up here, huh?
(makes popping sound)

They're bringing by
the guest list

and Genie wants to see
the, uh... restaurant.

Well, not only is
she getting married,

but she's, uh, rubbing
your face in it.

Let me tell you something...

Gary, great place.

Genie!

Hey, here's the list.

Thanks, Stan.

It's a nice suit.
You look sharp.

Uh, can I get you a drink?

No, thank you.

Wow. I love this place. Huh.

Very impressive list.

GARY: Oh, this is
the kitchen, obviously,

and that back there is where
we put the office. Oh.

And where they're preparing
the food for tomorrow.

Looks good.

Hey, uh...

what happened
with your dad?

Oh, well, his accounting firm
was doing the books

for this big construction union,
and he caught them

dipping into
the pension funds.

So...

He keeps telling me all
the security isn't necessary,

but I think he's just trying
to make me feel better.

Thank you.

Well, I'm sure
everything's gonna be fine.

Yeah, I'm sure he will.

So, Chuck said
you live upstairs.

Is that right?

Yeah, upstairs.

Live upstairs.
Do you want to see?

Yeah, I really would.

This is it.

Your basic
bachelor pad?

Well, yeah.
Well, no, it's not...

You know, occasionally.

Wow.

Wow, it's
really great.

My place is like a total
archeological dig.

And I still have all those
letters you wrote me,

from, like,
ten years ago.

You're kidding.

They were so beautiful, Gary.

I couldn't just throw them away.

Well, you're getting married,
you know...

Yeah.

Stan... I love Stan.

Well, Stan's a good guy.
Yeah.

But, uh, he's not exactly
the romantic type.

And a girl needs
a little romance

every once in a while.

Even if it is
just from an old letter.

Well, yeah, you know,

those letters that I wrote,
they, uh...

You loved me so much.

Yeah, I did,
but that was a long time ago.

I used to think maybe we
made a mistake breaking up.

But we were
too much alike.

Neither one of us knew
where we were going.

Well, we were 19 years old.

Well, you know
what I mean.

Stan is so together.

And I actually finally feel like
I have a sense of direction.

But I just wish...

Your letters, Gary...

I practically memorized them.

Well, th-that's flattering.

"I'll be around
in the dark."

Huh?

"I'll be everywhere,
wherever you look."

It was so powerful, you know.

You know, Hen...

(clears throat)

Henry Fonda said that

and-and-and John Steinbeck
wrote that.

I didn't write that.

I knew that.

Oh.

Well, so let's
go downstairs, huh?

CHUCK:
Stevie Unger.

Don't tell me.

He's working on
a cure for cancer.

Diabetes.

Genie, honey,
I'm sorry.

Turns out, I am gonna have
to go back to the office.

I'll drop you at home
on the way.

You promised me you weren't
gonna work tonight.

I'm sorry, honey,

but I don't have
much of a choice.

Chuckie,
I'm counting on you, man.

Don't short me on
those hors d'oeuvres.

Whatever you say, Stanley.

Bye, Gary.

I always hated that guy.

Huh?

Oh.

(cat meows)

(meows)

(sotto voce):
No.

That's it for the main courses!

Move to the church!

Dessert team, you're up next!

Come on, people!

We've got a wedding
in a couple of hours.

"St. Stephens Church
was the scene of tragedy

"Saturday afternoon when
assassins bullets took down

"Alexander Berlatski

"and his daughter Genie.

"Berlatski, a protected witness
set to testify

"against corruption in the
construction business, came out

"of seclusion in order to
attend his daughter's wedding.

"Earlier this week,
Berlatski said,

"'In spite of the personal
risk, I believe the state

"'deserves an honest

"'and accountable
construction industry.

"'I will do everything
in my power to see that

"the wrongs of the past
are corrected.'

(gunshot)

(woman screams)

(gunshot, panicked screaming)

"Alex Berlatski
was pronounced dead on arrival

"at Chicago Hope Hospital.

"His daughter
is in intensive care

"but is expected to survive.

No charges have been filed."

So what are
you gonna do?

I don't know.

I got to pick up
Stan's Uncle Bob in an hour.

Uh, no, Gare,
don't look at me, okay?

I'm a little busy here,
you know?

Hey, listen to me.

This, uh,
this mad Bulgarian Gorin's

got everything
taken care of here.

This is important,
you understand?

Hey, it's bad enough that Stan's

looking down his nose at me
'cause I'm a caterer.

Now I got to be
his car service, too?

No way, Gare!

I don't think so!

MAN:
Taxi!

Shagin, Robert, Colonel.

Fishman, Chuck, Caterer.

We got a wedding
to get to.

My pleasure.

(grunts)

Right over here.

What did you say
your name was?

Hobson.
Gary Hobson.

Look, I'm not
accusing anybody.

I'm just saying
that I saw a gun.

You saw a gun in the vestry?
That's right.

We'll check it out.

Now!

I mean, I-I really think that
y-you should check it out now.

Yeah.

It was right here.

Next to the Bible?

Well, no, the Bible
was over here.

The-the, it was...

Hey.

Steadman,
now wait a second.

Look, I'm not
making this up.

You and the bride, you had
something going on, right?

Well, yeah.

You otherwise attached?

No.

Look, I'd like
to see her get married.

And the daddy would like that,
and so would Mom.

In fact,
the only one who doesn't

want her to get married
is Gary Hobson.

Am I wrong?

Wait a second.
You think I'm doing this

because I don't want
to see them get married?

Yeah, I do.

You don't understand.

There's gonna be trouble
here today, big trouble.

(laughs)

No, there's not,
because I'm here.

You're not listening, Steadman.

Hey, the only trouble

I'm getting is coming from you.

And that is
100% unacceptable.

Get the point?

(church bells toll in distance)

GORIN: Garnish, people, garnish!

The guy ignored me.

You accused a priest, Gary.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Believe me, I know.

(sighs)

Well, he didn't
totally ignore you.

Our guys from the church called,
and everything slowed down

because Steadman had metal
detectors put on the doors.

We've only got a couple of hours
before the wedding.

Damn.

So me and my partner,
we have this restaurant.

Uh-huh. It's called McGinty's.

I don't know if you've
ever heard of it.

Nope.

Ah, it's a great
place... very happening,

lots of chicks.

I knew a guy
bought a restaurant.

Steak so tender,
you could cut it with a fork.

Between the health department
and the IRS,

he went belly-up inside a year.

Oh.

Blew his brains out
in the meat locker.

Poor son of a bitch.

Wow, that's, uh...

(cell phone ringing)

that's terrible.

Excuse me. Hold
on for a second.

(phone beeps on)
Hello.

GARY:
Chuck.

I'm telling you, I think

this Father Mark's in on it,
but I need proof.

You kidding?

Chuck, I need time.

Stan's not gonna start

the ceremony
until his Uncle Bob shows up.

So what you got to do is,
you got to delay Uncle Bob.

How?

Just do it!

I don't know
how you're gonna do it.

Just do it.

Just...

take the Van Buren Street
Bridge.

(car horns honking)

What the hell is going on?

You got a problem,
General?!

You're damn right
I do!

Well, why don't you
get off your fat butt

and help me pick it up, then?!

WOMAN:
Go! Move it!

This guy's
a menace.

(grumbling)

Now I got to deal with
G.I. Joe with a attitude here.

(horn honking) Oh,
come on, let's go!

Here you go.

(phone ringing)

(door closes in distance)

(phone continues ringing)

Yes?

MAN:
The drop is at 12:30.

We do the drop at 12:30.

1200 Lakeshore Drive.

1200 Lakeshore Drive.

God bless you, Father.

God bless you, too.

(door closes in distance)

I want them set up
all over the church.

You got it.

Steadman. Listen,
I got to talk to you.

Let me guess.

The priest is acting
suspicious again.

Oh, yes, he is.

Get a date.
Huh?

Get a life.

Get... out.

No, no, no. Steadman, you
don't understand. Nick.

You don't... Steadman,
you don't understand!

Excuse me.

Stead... no.

Steadman! You...
(door slamming)

Genie, Genie.

Listen, Genie, I got to talk
to you about this wedding.

Now, there's
something that you...

What's wrong?

Gary,

I think I'm making
a terrible mistake.

(sobs quietly)

You think
you, you...

(sobbing quietly)

He was at his desk until 2:00
in the morning last night.

Well, he works hard.

But Gary, if I asked you who
you were, what would you say?

(church bell tolling)

Gary Hobson.

Yeah.

Stan is the president
of Offside Software.

He's the junior chairman
of the club.

He's the 164th
richest man in Chicago.

But he is hardly ever just Stan.

And when he is, it's good.

Well, you wanted someone
who was going somewhere,

you found him.

I mean, when you,

you and I were together, Gary,

we were just ourselves,
weren't we?

Hey, look, Genie, I mean,
we-we were... different.

GENIE: Well, you've known
me since we were kids.

Huh?

Am I making a mistake
marrying Stan?

GARY: You know what I think?

You should postpone
the wedding.

Really?
Yeah.

You know, just-just
for a few days.

Just until you have
time to-to, you know,

think things through
a little bit.

You really think so?

I really think it would
be better for everybody.

I think you should
postpone the wedding.

I-I-I-I-I-I,
I really think so.

I really do.

(murmured conversation)

FATHER MARK:
All right.

Do whatever you can.

(murmuring)

SUIT:
Good.

(metal clanking)

FATHER MARK:
Did you hear that?

SUIT:
I'll get the fire escape.

SUIT:
I'm gonna find him.

CHUCK: Yeah, so we watch our overhead.
We keep it low.

(horns honking) Find the right
market niche, you know?

I mean, there's also
the franchise angle.

McGinty's all over the state.

Maybe even McGinty's
all over the country.

It's not gonna be
a Fortune 500 company,

but the growth potential is there.
You know what I mean?

Sure, sure.
Like uh, Martha Stewart.

Exactly.

You find your base, you become
a monster, and then you expand.

Bottom line is, a man's
gotta do what he's good at.

Like Joseph Campbell.

Follow your bliss.

It's clear.

It is.

The traffic, it's clear.

Let's go. Move it.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Okay, let's go.

Let's go!
Right.

Would you, would you like
another sandwich to go?

I'm full. Move it.
Come on.

Okay. No problem.

Maybe a soda or something?

We're late.

Oh, all right.

COMPUTER VOICE: Chicago
diocese employment records.

Enter search terms.

I can't believe you're making me
hack into the diocese files.

It's like breaking
into church, Gary.

Well, this is
very important.

I know, I know.

Uh-oh.
What?

Hey, Stan, what are
you doing here?

You told Genie she should
postpone the wedding, didn't you?

Now, look, Stan, this
is for your own good.

You gotta believe me. You don't
know what's good for us.

Why are you meddling in our
lives? What gives you the right?

Stan, what if I told you
there was gonna be a shooting.

Oh, yeah. Steadman told
me about that ploy.

This is pretty
desperate, Gary.

I mean, you really
want Genie that badly?

Stan, I don't want Genie.

I want you to be married
and very happy.

Well, you certainly have
a bizarre way of showing that.

Now, Stan, if you could
just put off this wedding

for a couple of days.
Just let everything cool down.

I don't want to cool down.

I love her,
and I want to marry her.

And you will.

Today.

I have been
working my ass off

for ten years, Gary,

to become the kind of guy
that Genie would want to marry.

So this wedding is gonna happen,

and if you try and stop it,
I swear to God...

I guess she's still got
a thing for you, Gary.

I don't know if it's me
or cold feet.

Well, here are the "R's."

There's uh, Ritkes,
Rivera...

Rossignuolo.

No Romanow.

Guess you're right.

Father Mark isn't
who he says he is.

I gotta get Inspector Steadman
to pay attention, Marissa.

Well, has the headline changed?

No, it's the same...

Marissa.

What?

The traffic jam story's gone.

What does it say?

"Traffic Accident
Kills Restauranteur.

"A traffic accident at the
corner of Hutchings and 7th

"took the life of Chuck Fishman
at 1:07 p.m. yesterday,

"when a large truck lost
control of its brakes

"and collided
with Fishman's car.

"Gary Hobson, Fishman's
business partner

"said, 'Chicago has lost
a fine citizen.

I've lost my best friend.'"

Listen to me. You get Chuck
on the cell phone, all right?

Come on, Chuck,
answer the phone.

MALE VOICE: Cellular phone
services temporarily unavailable.

Please try your...

It's five after 1:00.

Can't you take a
side street, or something?

Will you relax?

The wedding will
never start on time,

not with all that security.

What? A couple of
U.S. marshals? Please.

Are you nuts?

It's like the Pope
is in town.

They're checking
everybody's IDs.

Plus, you have to go
through a metal detector.

Damn.

What?

I forgot to pick up Stan's gift.

What the hell was I thinking?

Well, by all means, let's stop

and get those crazy kids
their present.

Stop the car. Here.

I'll call the store.

All right.

Uh, take your time, Colonel Bob.

There's no rush.

Seven after.

CHUCK:
Here we are.

One of Chicago's finer
department stores.

Is this it?

Thanks a lot.

Ah.
Okay?

Thanks for your help, Chuck.

That's my mission,
Colonel Uncle Bob.

(horn honking)

Chuck!

Chuck!

(tires squealing)

(brakes squealing)

(brakes screeching)

(grumbling and grunting)

Again!

I've seen better brakes
on tricycle!

Hey, you all right?
You all right?

Yeah, I'm okay. Look,
you were in the paper.

I don't have time
to explain.

Oh, look here, it's Cinderella

and his ugly
step-sister.

(police siren wailing)
You stalking me, weenie boy?

Let me take care of this.

Who the hell you think
you're talking to, sausage head?

Oh, sau... Well, you kiss
my Polish butt, eh?

Yeah? That'd be like
kissing the Sears Tower.

Oh, you know what?
That's enough.

You and me, we can... Hey,
who's with the truck?

I need a report now.
Okay, okay, okay.

You with the Supra,
you're next.

Does this look like a Supra
to you, officer? Taxi!

Whatever it is. I don't care.
I would not describe this...

CHUCK: Look, I'll see you later.
You have a good day, huh? Bye.

Hey, Uncle, Uncle Bob?

My name is Gary,
and uh, well,

I'll be going with
you to the wedding.

Whatever.
Have a seat.

Station A, report.

We have Berlatski
on standby.

What's the holdup?

We can't start
without Uncle Bob.

We have a relative situation.

STEADMAN: Stand by.
CAROL: Gary, finally.

And you must
be Uncle Bob.

Ah, yes.
I'm sorry I'm late.

It's a pleasure
to meet you.

How sweet.

Steadman.

STEADMAN: Station B, proceed
Berlatski to the church.

Hey, listen,
listen to me.

I, I got proof that
Father Mark's a fake.

The girl is getting
married. Give it up.

Here's a printout
from the diocese

of all the priests
in the Chicago area.

There is no Father Mark Romanow.

Come on.

This man is delusional.

Delusional? Huh.

I'm telling you, I saw
the gun in that drawer.

I also saw this guy
over at the water tower

with two other guys
that also had guns.

And when they got done talking,
they started chasing me around.

I uh, think this is
what you're looking for.

FBI Special Agent Romanow.

STEADMAN: No way.
FATHER MARK: Way.

(clears throat)
What about the water tower?

What about it?

All right, pal,
what about the package

you're handing
back and forth, huh?

None of your business.
It's my business.

It was wedding invitations.

I wanted two guys
undercover

in the guests.

Hey, this is my case.

Berlatski is my witness.

Oh, yeah, you guys have some
record protecting witnesses.

Oh, what the hell is
that supposed to mean?

Hey, guys, you gonna
stop this wedding,

or you want me to
do it myself, huh?

Your boogeyman is a fed.

You just ran out
of excuses, okay?

Two agencies of the
federal government

are gonna make sure this girl gets
married safe and sound. And...

And you take one step
inside that church,

and you are going
directly to jail.

For what?
For being pathetic.

STEADMAN: Now, get lost. GARY:
Listen, let me tell you something.

GARY: If you think that I'm gonna...
STEADMAN: No, you don't tell me anything. You just keep...

Okay...

GARY:
Mr. Berlatski...

Mr. Berlatski!

What did I tell you?

You are gone.

Station A, you have a go.

(organ playing "Wedding March")

CHUCK:
Gary!

Hey!

Oh, man, you are
not gonna believe

what happened to me today.

It's been one
disaster after...

What's wrong with you?

They wouldn't listen to me.

Who?
What do you mean who?

I'll tell you who.
Half the...

What?

GARY:
"20 Dead In Bomb Blast."

CHUCK:
Oh, no.

"Major explosion
tore through

"St. Stephen's Church
yesterday.

"Survivors report that
the explosion occurred

just as the couple were
declared husband and wife."

("Wedding March" playing)

Sit.

I think I know
where the bomb is.

And you were
the delivery boy.

No. I'm telling you, the man
is a cold-blooded assassin.

I was taking career advice
from a professional killer.

Uncle Bob?

Yeah. Why do you think
I was so late, huh?

When the cops pulled me over to
fill out the accident report,

they found a gun in my car.

It took me a half an hour
to explain to him

that it wasn't my gun.

Who else was in the car
besides me?

Uncle Bob.

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today

to celebrate the unity
of Genie and Stan.

That gift he arranged to pick
up, Gare, it had to be the bomb.

So nobody knew
what Uncle Bob looked like,

so they-they replaced
Uncle Bob with a hit man.

I delivered a bomb.

CHUCK:
It had to have been his gun.

FATHER KEIR: Christ
abundantly blesses this love.

He has already consecrated you
in baptism.

And now, He enriches
and strengthens you

by a special sacrament,
so that you may assume

the duties of marriage
in mutual and lasting fidelity.

Since it is your intention
to enter into marriage,

join your right hands
and declare your consent

before God and His church.

A bomb?
Yeah.

In the church?
In a wedding gift?

That's right.

And you know
this because...?

Look, because...
We have our sources.

Yeah. Oh. Does your
source have a name?

Well... We can't
disclose that presently.

No. Oh, okay, I understand.

Hobson, I'm gonna
take care of you.

Thank you very much.
DiMaio!

Now, listen,
this Uncle Bob, whoever he is,

he's gonna try to escape
before the bomb goes off,

so you might want
to have someone look around.

He says one more word,
protective custody.

Thank you.
Wait a minute!

The man is trying to tell...
Both of them.

Heads up.

I want another face check
of that crowd.

You're looking
for known offenders.

FATHER KEIR: Stan and
Genie, have you come here

freely and without reservation

to give yourselves
to each other in marriage?

Yes.

(clearing throat)

(whispering):
I really do need an answer.

Yes.

All right,
let's go, fellas.

FATHER KEIR: Do you, Stan,
take Genie to be your wife?

To have and to hold,

from this day forward,
for better or for worse...

Yes, I do, Father.

Well, I haven't quite
gotten there yet.

Do you, Genie,

take Stan to be your husband?

CHUCK: Okay, hold it steady.
Keep it straight.

Uh, we're the,
uh, caterers. ID.

That's a beautiful ensemble
you've got on.

The stripes and, uh...

Okay, fellas, let's go.

All right, you know what to do.
You know where to take it.

You know where to go.

Stay.

What do you mean, "stay"?

Hey, wait a minute.

My company!

I'm the boss!

May the Lord bless these rings
(Uncle Bob coughing)

which you give
to each other as a sign

of your enduring love.
(coughing)

Excuse me.

(coughing)

STAN:
Genie,

take this ring as a sign
of my enduring love.

CHUCK:
Hey! It's him!

(gun cocking)

FATHER MARK: I wouldn't
do that if I were you.

Been waiting for you, Eldridge.

(Chuck gasping for air)

CHUCK:
Thank you, Father.

And now, by the powers vested
in me by the church

and the state of Illinois...
GARY: Everybody!

Everybody out of the church!
There's a bomb!

Everybody out!
No.

No! No!
GARY: Out of the church!

GARY:
Where's Uncle Bob?

Where was he sitting?

Over there.

(panicked screaming)

Freeze!

Listen, Steadman,
you have got to believe me.

There's a bomb
in one of these packages.

Right, Hobson.

Open it up.

(clattering)

All right, all right.

STEADMAN:
LeFevre, listen up.

In case there really
is a bomb here,

you have to clear the
street, hold the traffic

and find me a containment site.

Yes, sir.

All right, it's, it's got to
be in one of these.

Steadman...
(timer beeping)

your turn.

Holy Mother of...

Open the door now.

Open the door!

(grunting)

STEADMAN:
Get back!

STEADMAN:
Take cover!

(bystanders murmuring)

MAN:
Oh, wow, it was a bomb.

WOMAN:
Are you okay?

Genie...

Stan, this is
some kind of omen.

I-I guess you wouldn't
believe me if I told you

that th-this was
nothing personal.

Thank you, Gary.

Huh?

It's all over.

Wh...

TV NEWS ANCHOR: Arson
investigators have determined

that the fire last week
in a Rosemont dry cleaning plant

was arson-related.

There are no suspects
at this point.

Last night reputed mob hit man

Eldridge Speeks
was arrested on charges

of conspiracy to commit murder.

In a joint statement issued

this morning, the FBI
and the U.S. Marshall's Service

announced that Speeks has agreed

to hand over the names
of the construction...

Hey.

I got your message.

Ah, one second.

It's not your fault
everything went haywire.

I want to pay you for it.

Mm-mm.

I don't want your money.

Don't do me any favors.
Uh-uh.

We'll make it up next week on
Michael Jordan's birthday party.

Michael Jordan has
his own restaurant.

Yeah. Well, we're
doing him a favor.

Fine.

On the other hand...

Stan?

Can I talk to you for
a minute out here?

Don't use the good olive oil!

CHUCK:
Use the domestic.

The two of you have something
you want to tell me?

Uh, well, I do.

Look, Stan, you and Genie,
you belong together.

Gen... Genie, you and I,
we had a great time,

but that was the past,
and the reason we broke up

is 'cause we were wrong
for each other.

Because you didn't know
where you were going.

No, I didn't.
And I-I like that.

That's part of the adventure
of it for me.

But you... you always
wanted a guy like Stan.

Well, here he is.

And Stan?
Stan loves you.

And you love Stan.

But Stan, the thing is,

she doesn't want
to marry the president

of Offside Software;
she wants to marry you.

But the thing is also

that she doesn't
get enough of you...

Okay, Gary.

(sighs)

Genie, I know
I work too much,

but, uh, everything I'm doing,

I'm doing for us because

I-I love you more
than anything in the world.

You should have seen him
in Boy Scouts.

Went after those merit
badges like a hound

on pork ribs.
Uncle Bob?

Sorry I'm late.

Some clown slashed my tires,
I missed my train...

So, am I going home with
wedding cake, or not?

Um...

You know, there is nothing
I want more in the world

than for you to be happy.

I know.

So, will you please marry me?

(sighing)

Yes.

I will.

CHUCK: There's no telling why
some people hold on to the past

even when it jeopardizes
their future.

FATHER KEIR
If anyone here has any reason

why these two should not
be joined in holy matrimony,

speak now or forever
hold your peace.

Don't look at me.

By the authority vested in me

by the state of Illinois,

I finally pronounce you
husband and wife.

CHUCK: Maybe it's because the
past always looks better

in the present.

(applause)

I give it six months.

Hey, uh, champagne
on the house for everyone.

Next time, we stick
to Bar Mitzvahs.

What are you crying about?

You didn't even know these two.

Oh, they're so wonderful.

Weddings, funerals...

CHUCK: Or maybe it's because
the future is as mysterious

as tomorrow's newspaper.