Early Edition (1996–2000): Season 2, Episode 14 - Return of Crumb - full transcript

A crooked D.A. has aspirations to be Mayor of Chicago, and is holding hearings about police corruption as a way of getting there, focusing on Lt. Crumb's partner who has taken bribes in the past. Crumb's partner steals a portion of the money he and Crumb are using in a sting operation, leaving Crumb holding the bag. The D.A. dislikes Crumb anyway, and proceeds to frame Crumb for the missing money, three weeks before his retirement. Gary tries to help Crumb, but he is his usual obstinate and cranky self.

REPORTER: We're here in
front of City Hall, waiting

for District Attorney
Cedric Davison to emerge

from his hearings
on police corruption.

Ah, there he is.
Mr. Davison...

One at a time, folks.

No need for a
feeding frenzy. Yes, Julie?

Mr. Davison, are you
at all disappointed

that your hearings
have turned up

so little police

No, my only disappointment is

that we have police corruption
at all.

Many critics are

that these hearings
are merely a ploy

for your own
political career.

My only objective is the truth.

My constituency are the citizens
of this great city,

and, uh, my job isn't done yet.
Excuse me.

Are you saying,
Mr. Davison,

are you suggesting that we can
expect more developments?

Well, at this time,
I can only say...

stay tuned.

Are you suggesting that we
can expect new developments?

(reporters clamoring)

Okay, what have
you got for me?

I think you're gonna
like these, sir.

Oh, it's chump change.

Small potatoes. This is
the best Internal Affairs

could come up with?
Well, maybe if we had

a little more time...
Listen to me carefully.

I put my career on the line
with these hearings,

and I intend to ride them all
the way to the Mayor's office.

I promised the city
crooked cops...

not patrolmen spitting on
the sidewalk... crooked cops.

Well, what if there aren't any
right now?

This is Chicago.
Maybe it won't snow.

What about this one... Moreno?

He's been under investigation

Can you stake
this guy out tonight?

Well, yeah,
we can, but...

Where there's smoke, there's fire.

Be there when
this guy lights up.

Right here's good.

(car horn honks)

There's a problem
with Moreno.

What's that?

Not what. Who.

His partner, Crumb.

Marion Crumb.

CRUMB: Hey, Moreno, how
long we been waiting here?

I don't know. Two-and-a-half,
three hours.

I always hated
undercover work.

You think these guys
are gonna show?

Oh, I don't know.
I hope so.

Oh, I gotta get some glasses.

You're getting old, Crumb.

Correction: I got old.

What I'm getting is out.

Three weeks from today.

How much time you put in?

30 years this month.

You guys aren't gonna see
my ugly mug around anymore.

It's pretty tough to live off
the pension, huh?

Well, maybe for a married guy
like you with a family,

but, uh, me, I don't need much.

What are you gonna do
with yourself, anyway?

Find an island.

Someplace hot.
Buy a bar.

Serve little expensive drinks
with umbrellas to the tourists.


What's so funny about that?

You love this city.
You're never gonna leave.

Here they come.

Can you see 'em?

Clear as day.

You got the money?

Yeah, right here.

All right, now make sure
that the deal's complete

before we arrest 'em.

Man, he's coming
in fast.

Nine months setting
this baby up.

We finally got these
suckers to bite.

Feels good, don't it?

Yeah. Just hope
nothing goes wrong.

What are you talking about?
What can go wrong? It's...

Hey, watch out for the pier!

Slow down!
You're gonna hit the pier!

Hey, look out!

Who's that?



What the...?


You're gonna hit
the pier!

Hey, look out!
Slow down!


Let's get outta here!

Who the heck
is that idiot?

Hobson. Gary Hobson.

(theme music playing)

CHUCK: What if you
knew, beyond a doubt,

what was going
to happen tomorrow?

What would you do?

There's no easy answer

for a guy
who gets tomorrow's news today.

MARISSA: Please, Chuck, let's just
hire someone for a couple days.

CHUCK: Trust me. I
know what I am doing.

And where have I heard
that song before?

Gare, a little help
here, please.

With what?


Robin called in sick
and Stan's out of town,

so that leaves us with...

Yours truly.

(cat meows)

You're serving drinks?


God help the customers.

Thanks a lot.

Do you remember college?

You almost took out
the whole fraternity.

It's not my fault
some fool put

lemon furniture polish
inside the Triple Sec bottle.

Look, you saw
that Tom Cruise movie.

Any moron can fix drinks.

Well, in that case, you're
the perfect man for the job.

Smarty pants.

Morning, Mr. Fishman.

Where were you last night?

Out at the river.

The paper...

strange going on.

Stranger than usual?

Last night, I go down
to the boat,

stop these two guys
from drowning.

Crumb shows up.

That, that's kind
of strange,

don't you think?

Well, I don't know.

You make saves
every day.

I mean, coincidences are
bound to happen.

Let it go.

We've got other
things to worry about.

What is Calvados?

That's an apple brandy

made in Normandy.


Detective Crumb to you.

What are you doing here?
Oh, you don't know?

I thought you knew everything,
Mr. Houdini.

And what were you doing out
there last night?

Besides gumming up my operation?


And don't give me any

of that mumbo jumbo
about hunches and things.

Gives me a headache.
(cat meows)

CHUCK: He was just
being a good citizen.

By shooting off flares
in the middle of the night?

What is it, Fourth of July?

I was just trying
to stop two guys

from drowning on that boat,
that's it.

And you know this because...?

I, I, I knew this because, uh,

because uh...

Look, Crumb,
I didn't know you were there.

I'm sorry I made your job
a little bit more difficult...


You threw a
monkey wrench

into nine months of
undercover work.

Screwed up our whole operation.

You call that difficult?

you got some space aliens
telling you things, fine.

I just ask one thing:

I got three weeks to go
before my retirement.

For those three weeks,

you stay out
of my life!

Understood?! Good!

Excuse me.

How do you make a Rusty Nail?

That's an ounce of scotch,
ounce of Drambuie,

dash of bitters, add ice, stir.

I knew that.

You came up with nothing?

Bust blew up
in their faces.

There was nothing
we could do about it.

See, there was this guy
with a flare.

Came out of nowhere.

Moreno had a flare?


Where was Moreno?

In the car.

With Crumb.



Crumb is his partner?

Why didn't you
tell me?

I tried to mention it
to you, but...

This is perfect.

Crumb's as honest
as they come.

He's a 30-year vet.

And now he's partnered
with Moreno,

who has
a questionable record?

But Crumb is clean.

Ah, come on.

After 30 years on the street,
nobody's clean.

I want you to stay
on these guys.

They'll slip,
and we'll be there.

Get out.

Hey, Fred...

Hey, Crumb.

Heard your sting operation
got fouled up last night.

Let's not talk about it,
all right?

Drives you nuts,
don't it?

You set up something
like that for months,

and somebody queers it.

It drives you nuts
all right.

You're $20,000 short, M.Z.

I beg your pardon?

You're $20,000 short.

Are you sure?


Look, do me a favor, Fred.

Let's keep this
between you and me.

I'll get it straightened out.

You're one of the few guys
I'd do this for, M.Z.

But remember,

you were never
in here.

I was never here.



(dog barks in distance)



I'm sorry, son.

What were you saying?

College application?

What about them?

It's 120 bucks apiece
just to apply.

That's 600 bucks
for five applications.


So, I was thinking, you know,

there are some really good
schools here in state.

Maybe I should be
thinking about those.

What's he talking about?

Trust me,
I had nothing to do with this.

Is this about money again?

Come on, Dad.
Hey, I haven't been

kicking your butt
all these years

so you can just go
to any college.

I want the best
for my son.

Ivy League.

Look, I appreciate that, but 600
bucks is, like, a lot of...

Hey, you fill out
the applications,

I'll fill out the checks.

You don't worry about finances,
you hear me?



He was just being realistic.

Laura, I have to be
realistic every day.

I'm not gonna let Wayne lose
his dreams.

I'm working out loans
with the department.

The money will be there.

(doorbell rings)

Hey, Paul.

What's up?

Something I didn't want
to talk about on the phone.

Who is it, Paul?

Uh, it's Crumb.

Invite him to dinner.

Uh, no, thanks, Laura.
I can't stay.

Anyway, I talked to our friends
with the boat.

I explained that was all just
a screw-up,

and, uh, I must have been pretty
good 'cause they bought it.

We're back on for tomorrow
morning at 7:00.

That's good.

There's one other thing
I want to mention.

This, uh, suitcase is, uh,
seems a little light.

You know anything about that?


No, I wouldn't know.

Yeah, just, just a little.

Here, why don't you hold
on to it tonight?

We'll count it again tomorrow
after we bust these guys.


So I'll, uh, pick you up


Kid looking at colleges?

He's a smart kid.

Yeah. He's a good kid.

See you tomorrow.


NEWSCASTER: In local news, the
Davison hearings continue,

and barring any
dramatic revelations,

they're expected to
end uneventfully.

(cat meows)
(paper thuds against door)

The commission has called
numerous witnesses, but it...

(radio clicks off)

Yeah, all right.

What are you waiting for?


CRUMB: They should
be here any minute.

Okay, I'll put the money
in the other room.

And when they get here,
I'll ask to see the stuff.

While you're testing it,
I'll go get the money.

Everything okay?



(knocking at door)


Miles to go.

Right on time.

This way.

Hey, hey, hey.
How you boys doing?

Better in a little
while, I hope.

You guys ought to practice
a little more water safety.

You almost got yourself
killed last night.

Yeah, well, whoever it
was that waved us off,

give him a big kiss for us.

Here it is.

Looks good.

Who's that?

I don't look,
but he looks familiar.

The guy with the flare.

CRUMB: Hey, Paul, why don't you check
this out while I get the money?


It's in the next room.
You got a problem with that?


(knocking at door)


Crumb, I need to talk to you.

No, no, no, no, no!
Go away!

I can't do that.
Yes, you can.

Look, look, I don't have
time for your hocus-pocus.

I'm right in the middle of
something very serious here.

Listen, Crumb, I came here
to warn you,

you and your partner,
you're gonna be shot.

Why do you do this?!

Look, go away right now.

I promise I won't get shot.

No, I can't do that, Crumb...


GARY: Ow! What was that?

What was what?

Hey, hey, come on, man,
there's no need for that.

Let's see how your friend's
doing in the other room.

No problem.

You guys just relax, okay?

Where's your friend?

And where's the money?

It's in his car.

He had to go get it.

I'm not convinced.

I'm gonna count to
five, you'd better

show me that money.

One, two,

I'm telling you,

it's in his car!
He'll be right back!

Police! Drop the gun now!

Should have popped him

in the beginning.
MORENO: Shut up.

CRUMB: Sorry, Paul,
I got sidetracked.

MORENO: You have the
right to remain silent.

Anything you say
can and will

be used against you
in a court of law.

You have the right
to an attorney.

If you cannot afford
an attorney,

one will be
appointed for you.


I ask for a crook,
and I get a hero.

How do we explain that?

What's it say about me?

"Davison Hearings
Continue to Sputter."


Is that a word we associate
with a brilliant career?

Sir, maybe we're barking
up the wrong tree.

With Crumb, I mean.
Like I said, the...

I don't care what you said.

I know what I'm doing.

I made a pretty good career
out of investigating cops.

Maybe I'm going about
this the wrong way.

One thing I've
learned about cops,

they're thick as thieves

until it comes to
saving their own skins.

Maybe to get juice out
of this lemon,

we need to squeeze
a little harder.

Yeah, right.

All this publicity
could work to my advantage.

After all...

the biggest fall
is from the top.

You seen the afternoon paper?

No, I don't read this one.

Yeah, well, take
a look at it.

My mug is plastered

all over the front page.

Hero cop!

This is your fault.

You show up, people
start pulling pistols

and making news stories.
Now, wait a second.

30 years, I never
made the want ads.

Now, I don't need this three
weeks before my retirement.

Am I making
myself clear here?


Wow. Was there a "thank you"
in there somewhere?

No, I don't think so.

Maybe you should stick
to helping strangers.

Yeah. I'll tell
you one thing, I...


Get down, would ya?


From now on, I'm staying
miles away from that guy.

Hey, guys.

Guess what?

What? You hired
a real bartender?

Better than that.

I got a book.


(horn honking)

Uh, Detective Moreno?

Get in.

No, thanks.

Oh, please get in.

It'd be easier than talking
to me down at the hearings.

Are you on your way
home, Detective?

What am I doing
here, Davison?

You and your partner deserve
a hand for the good work

you did yesterday morning.

Just doing our job.

What's he like... Crumb?

He's the best partner
I've ever had.

The best in what way? You're
able to steal the most together?

Hey, I don't have to listen to your bull!
Good. I'll make this short.

I want you to testify
against Crumb.

Some sort of joke, right?

Let's look at the record, Paul.

When you were in
the Tenth District,

there was some money missing
from a bank heist.

It never turned up.

When you worked Central,

a numbers runner claimed
he got the shakedown

from a cop that fit
your description.

Fifth District, property
missing from the impound.


I know you don't
earn much, Paul.

And once in a while you
figure, "What's the harm?"

Some numbers runner has
a few thousand less bucks.

Big deal.

I understand.

I've got responsibilities
of my own.

Why Crumb?

He's clean.

We've got history, Crumb and I.

I need closure.

What do you say?

Little cooperation, we can
forget any former indiscretions.

I'm gonna get him,
with or without you.

Don't go down with him.

This is your
house, isn't it?

Be in touch.

(door opens and shuts)

Who was that, Dad?

Oh, nobody.

Hey, how are those
applications coming?

Good, Dad. Good.


(phone line ringing)

Mr. Davison's office.

Mr. Davison, please.

(phones ringing)
(indistinct conversations)

M.Z., I got that suitcase of
money back from your partner.

Ah, good.

Not so good.

The 20 G's are still missing.

Look, Fred...

get yourself off
the hook on this.

Report anything you
have to report.

I don't know
what's going on,

but I know you.

So I'm gonna give it another
couple of days, okay?


I appreciate this, Fred.


Detective Crumb?

Who are you?

I'm Smith from
Internal Affairs.

This is Jones.

Could I please have your
badge and your weapon?

What's this all about?

You're under investigation, and
suspended until further notice.

Suspended for what?

It's under investigation.

By whose authority?

By the authority
of the Davison Commission.

Okay. Can I get
anybody else a drink?


How about you, young lady?

Okay. Anyone?

Look, I know he told you
to stay away,

but you have to do something.

They suspended him.
There's nothing I can do.

Oh, you don't believe that,
do you?

Maybe he's right.

Maybe me trying to help him
would just make things worse.

And maybe they're right,
and he's as guilty as sin.

Look, two maybes
don't make a probably, Gary.

What I'm trying to say is...

I don't understand this.

Everybody's ordering
bottled beer.

Look, the trouble is,

I think someone's setting him up
for a bigger fall.

Who? Crumb?
He told you to stay

out of his life,
now, didn't he?

Yo, bartender.

Duty calls.
Just call me Mr. Bartender.

Look, you can't
just abandon him, Gary.

Even if he says
he doesn't need your help,

you have to do something.

He saved your life
once, you know.

I know what I'll do.

Somebody is setting up
Detective Crumb.

How do you know this,
Mr. Hobson?

Well, I-I know Detective Crumb.

He's very honest.

He-he'd never
do anything illegal.

I mean, he's by the book 100%.

I'm-I'm going to be totally
candid with you, Mr. Hobson.

Detective Crumb has one of
the most stellar records

I've ever seen, so when
these allegations came up,

I was shocked.

I'm very reluctant to
believe them, and, in fact,

I'm quite sure he's going
to be completely exonerated.

There is nothing
that would please me more.

Mr. Davison,
thank you.

Thank you for your time,
Mr. Davison.

You're very welcome.
Thank you.

Uh, I'm relieved
to hear this.

Thank you.

This is the guy
you were telling me about?


We saw him at the
river and at the hotel.

The guy is everywhere.

I can't figure it out.
Is he playing me?

We need to accelerate
the investigation.

Moreno will be a very credible
witness against Detective Crumb,

but some physical
evidence would be useful.

A cop like Crumb, been on the
take all those years,

he'd have a big stash of stuff
somewhere, don't you think?

Like stolen merchandise?

Or merchandise confiscated
from police operations.

I certainly think
it's worth looking into.

What now, Hobson?

Listen, Crumb, I talked to
Davison. I think he can help.

You talked
to that little weasel?

What, are you out of your mind?!
Don't answer that.

Listen, Crumb, someone's trying
to set you up. I'm just...

Oh, and you think
Davison can help?

Well, yeah, I
think he can help.

Let me tell you
something about Davison.

Nine, ten years ago,
he comes to me.

He was Assistant
D.A. at the time.

He wants me to testify against
my partner, Carl Frissano.

I tell him no way.

He gets incensed.

He tells me,
"All you cops are crooked,

and you all stick together."

I tell him, "Get out of my
face, or I'll be tempted

"to snatch you up by the back of
your little three-piece suit

and kick your butt
out into traffic."

Was he?

Was he what?

Your partner,
was he crooked?

If I thought he was,
I'd have gone to him

and told him
to turn himself in.

I wouldn't rat on him.

Now, if you'll excuse me, they
want me to clear out my desk.

Oh, uh, and Kreskin...

Yeah, I know. Butt out.
Butt out.

Oh, I got the message.

You try to help some people,
that's the thanks you get.

From now on,
I'm staying out of it.

Any of you guys seen Moreno?

Hey, Crumb.

We know that stuff they're
saying about you is bull.

Davison's just fishing around
for publicity.

Heh. So what else is new?

You need anything?

Look, I appreciate it.
I'm going to be okay.

This whole thing's
going to blow over.

We're with ya.

Now, what are you
two doing in here?

Well, since your office is going
to be unoccupied for a while,

we thought we'd use it.

Well, it ain't
unoccupied yet.

Get your greasy butts
out of these chairs

and out of this office.



Crumb, don't open
this drawer.

This is getting spooky, Hobson.

Listen, someone's trying
to set you up.

They put stash
in this drawer to frame you.

Oh, sure.

They probably put
the Mona Lisa in there.

And the one in Paris
is a fake.

Listen, Crumb,
I'm telling you the truth here.


I know every item
in this drawer.

The only thing of any value

is an airline ticket
to the Bahamas.

In three weeks,

I'm leaving on the first
vacation I've had in nine years.

Now, get your hand away
from the drawer.

Please, Crumb. Get your
hand away from the drawer.


Obviously, your little
crystal ball is fogged up now.

Eh, Hobson?

You see, that's the difference
between you and me, Hobson.

You get this mystic tingle
that tells you what to do.

Kind of like a "hyste-ria."

A what?
It's a "hyste-ria."

It's kind of like when
you get hysterical.

Whereas, I rely on
years of experience...

here, take this...

in law enforcement to
tell me what to do.

What's this?

Crumb, don't open that.

What the...?

(brakes squealing
and horn honking)

Oh, my, my, my.

What do we have here?

Where have
you been shopping, Crumb?

Excuse me, but you put
gin in my screwdriver.

Yeah, it's a gin screwdriver.
Live with it.

Yeah, yeah, but it's
supposed to have vod...

No, it doesn't.
Sit down.

Evelyn always said I put
too much into this job.

Maybe she was right.

it's not your fault, Crumb.

I mean,
you shouldn't blame yourself.

It's not your fault if
someone's trying to set you up.

They took my shield.

They took my gun.

I had the gun for 15 years.

It was like a-a part of me,
like a leg.

Or maybe an arm.

Listen, Crumb...

It's Marion.


My name.

Oh. (clears throat)
Well, anyway...

Yeah, don't-don't-don't
get started, okay?

I can see it coming a mile away.

A speech.

Just skip it, will ya?

The only reason
I'm in this joint

is because my entire life
is in the toilet,

and I got no place else to go.

MAN: Can I get a drink
over here, maybe?

Hold your horses.

Kamikaze... Kamikaze...

What do you want?
I'll make it for you.


Hey, you know how
to tend a bar?

Are you kidding?

I was the official
unofficial bartender

on the U.S.S. Saratoga
out of Newport News

just a couple of...
40 years ago.

You want that blended?
Yeah, sure.

What do you think
you're doing?

Salt the glass?
Go ahead.

Hey, who do you think's
tending bar here?

How about a
Singapore Sling?

Would you like
light or dark rum with that?

Hey, Crumb...

ANCHORWOMAN: In other news today,
a Chicago police detective,

M.Z. Crumb,

was found with millions
in confiscated police evidence.

He'll be asked to appear before
the Davison Commission tomorrow.

District Attorney Davison had
this to say only minutes ago.

Today we have a smoking gun.

Fraud, money laundering,

and a pattern of crimes

that extends all the way
into the civilian sector.

Additionally, we have a witness,
Detective Crumb's partner,

who will appear before the
commission tomorrow

to corroborate these charges.



Dad, is it true?

I don't want to talk about it.

I mean, you're going
to help him out, right?

Look, son, son... I mean, I know
you're going to tell the truth,

but this guy's
your partner, man.

He'd stick up
for you, right?

That's-that's only fair.

Listen, one day you're going to
go out to the real world,

and you're going to learn that
things aren't always fair.

You understand me?


All right.

We are sending a message to all
the crooked cops out there.

We will not tolerate

breaking the law
by those paid to enforce it...

(TV clicks off)

(patrons murmuring)

You all right?
Are you kidding?

You think I'm going to get upset
by this little weasel?

I got to go.
I got things to do.

Listen, Crumb,

don't you think you ought to
get a lawyer, or something?

I got nothing to hide.

Well, yeah, I know. But it-it...
Listen, Hobson,

you can know all you know
about your fortune telling

and your seeing into the future.

I happen to know a little bit
about human nature.

People know the difference
between truth and lies.

Yeah, I know that.
But listen, Crumb,

if someone's after you,
you don't...

Well, then,
let them find me.

Hey, I'm not some wet-ear rookie

just in out of the peat bog.

Well, I... I'm going to
go down there tomorrow,

and let them judge
who's telling the truth.

You see, sometimes you got
to trust in the future.


It's a little cold to be lurking
in the shadows, ain't it?

Listen, uh, about
the hearings and all, I...


What hearings are
those, partner?

I never said that I would
testify to all that stuff.

No, no.

Just enough to get you
and Davison off the hook.

Hey, he gave me no choice.

When did they give you
no choice?

The first time you shook
down some dope dealer?

The first time
they gave you a couple

of bucks to look the other way?

There's always a choice.

Just a question of who
you're gonna blame it on.

I've got obligations.

I don't want my kid
ending up like me.

There are worse things
than being a cop.

I owe him the opportunities
that I never had.

He expects that of me.

The only thing
your kid expects from you

is for you to be
one of the good guys.


You do what you got to.
So will I.

Meaning what?

It's cold.

Watch you
don't freeze.

(siren wailing in distance)

Okay, Moreno,

do I understand you correctly?

You what?

No, li... listen carefully,
my friend.

My hearings resume tomorrow.

You've agreed to testify.

I know.

But not to what you said today.

I mean, all those charges...

I can't do that.

What is this?


Little late for that,
don't you think?

You can't sell
half your soul, Moreno.

I need some time
to think about this.

No, that I can't give you.

Come on.

It'll only hurt

for a little while.

Hey, Dad.

Could you give me
some help on this?

Just a second, son.

I'm not gonna do this;
I can't.


I can hear you're distraught.

Maybe there's another way
to approach this.

What if I pick you up
tomorrow morning around 6:00?

All right?



(phone beeps)

A fool with a conscience.

By tomorrow, he'll be singing
his song to the world.

And we'll all be
going down together.

What in the world
does one do

with a fellow
like that?


Ah, life.

(thunder crashing)

(cat meows,
paper thuds against door)

It's only 6:00.

Come back in a half an hour.

(cat meows)

(door closes)

Morning, Detective.

Where's Davison?

Don't worry,
we'll take you to him.

Trust us.


NEWSCASTER (over radio):
Some major congestion

this morning,
so try an alternate...

(turns off radio)


Why don't you leave me alone
and become a drill sergeant?


Or better yet,
you know how to tend bar?

"On the day he was to testify

"at the Davison
corruption hearings,

"a Chicago police detective
was found dead,

"apparently shot
by his partner,

himself a target
of the hearings."


"According to
the District Attorney's office,

"M.Z. Crumb, a highly decorated
Chicago police detective,

"took the life of Paul Moreno
early yesterday morning.

"The shooting took place

the Lake Street Bridge."

(train horn blowing)

He's not gonna show
up here, is he?

Mr. Davison's a busy man.

He asked us to fill in for him.

It's kind of our job.

He protects the public,
we protect him.

In a manner of speaking.


Hey, lovely morning, Mike.

Are you still predicting

dramatic developments at
the hearing this morning?

Predicting? No.

Count on it.

(reporters clamoring)

REPORTER: Mrs. Moreno, is
your husband a witness

or is he under indictment?

REPORTER #2: Mrs. Moreno, will
your husband testify today?

You sure you don't want to
change your mind about this?

Humpty Dumpty is not broken yet.

I don't think so.

That's funny?

Hey, my dad was a cop.

Damn good one.

Never took a nickel
his entire life that wasn't his.

Me, I was in a hurry.

Thought there were shortcuts.

Ah, ah, ah.


It's the money I took.

I was gonna throw it
in Davison's face.

This a bribe?


I'm through with it.


You're through, period.



(Gary panting)

Listen, you need to get
out of here right now.

All of you.
He's on his way.


He's gonna
kill Moreno.

Is that right?

Look, I'm telling you,
he's on his way.

I hate to disappoint you,
but Crumb's not gonna be here.

Oh, yeah,
he's gonna be here all right.

We don't even need him.

We've got his gun.

Fingerprints and all.

Like they say,
right headline, wrong story.


Now what?

Now it's a double murder.

(gun clicks)

Sorry, fellas.

This is what comes from

backing the world's
only honest cop.


(over megaphone):
This is the police.

Drop your weapons now.

I said, drop your weapons now.

Sorry I'm late, Paul, but I
wanted to catch them in the act.

MORENO: Any later, and you might
have caught me in the morgue.

You okay?

(siren whoops)


This look familiar?

I know it
from someplace.

How about
you, Hobson?

These two.

How did you know that I...

Used a new technique.

I followed you.

Here you go, partner.

Got some people

want to talk to you guys,
hear what you have to say.

Well, we're not talking.

Oh, yeah, we are.

(handcuffs clicking)

Let's go.

So I, uh, I suppose you're
expecting a-a "thank you"?

Well, yeah,
that would be nice.


I hate to say
"thank you."

How about
"you're welcome"?

That will do.

You know, my life is
very confusing right now.

(camera shutter clicks)

REPORTER: Can you tell us about
Detective Moreno's involvement, sir?

Mr. Davison... Can I get a
statement from you, please, sir?


Mr. Davison extorted me

to testify against
Detective Crumb.

How did he
extort you?

He threatened to reveal
certain indiscretions

that I had committed
on my job,

which I'm now willing
to take responsibility for

and face the consequences.

What about Crumb?

Detective Crumb is the best cop
I've ever worked with.

Totally honest.

There he is.
There he is.

Mr. Davison...

Mr. Davison, would
you care to comment

on what Detective
Moreno just said?

Would you like to
say anything about

these allegations Moreno...
Is there any truth to them?

I can't, uh... How do
you think this will

affect your
political career?

(clears throat) Do you
have any information?

Would you like to respond
to these allegations?

Sir, is there any truth

to Mr. Moreno's statements
about you?

(reporters clamoring)

I can't thank you enough
for your help.

Well, that's just
about it for me.

Three more weeks,
I'm out of here.

You're really
gonna retire?

I don't have much choice.

This is a young man's work.

Besides, I got other ideas.

Like what?

Bar, you know?

Shaped like a boat,
down in the islands,

with a... with a parrot
for a mascot.

Know what I mean?


Sounds great, don't it?

Oh, yeah.

Life of Riley.

Or you could
come work for me.

Your place?

Yeah, tending bar.

Working with you,
all that mumbo jumbo?

Yeah, I guess
you're right.


And Chicago's too cold.

I need some sun.

Absolutely. The sun's
a good thing to have.

So, uh,
when would I start?

Right away.

Of course, you'd have to
get rid of the parrot.

That's no problem.

They're filthy
beasts anyhow.