Early Edition (1996–2000): Season 1, Episode 10 - The Wrong Man - full transcript

CHUCK:
Your scientists will tell you

that most human beings
only use 10% of their brain.

Wrong and wrong.

Don't make me laugh, Freddy.

I blow my nose with overseas
bank certificates.

Do you have to learn
to be this stupid,

or were you just born this way?

(tires screech)
What they don't tell you

is that usually,
this is a very good thing.

Hey, moron!

Open your eyes!



Next time-- I don't brake.

Truth is, you don't want
to think too much,

'cause if you did,

you'd realize that we are all
this close to catastrophe,

disaster, or heartbreak
every minute of every day.

Buy a flower?

No, thanks.

For your wife?

No, I don't have one.

What's that?

Looks like a
wedding ring.

Souvenir.

Eddie! Eddie! Are
you all right?

Are you all right?



Your first step--

before the breathing,

before the chest thrusts,

is this.

Make sure that the victim
is, in fact, unconscious.

(coughing)

Eddie, are you all right?!

Are you?

Harry?

Harry? Hey...

One one thousand,
two one thousand, three...

Hello.

DISPATCHER:
Rescue Four Five,
respond to injury accident...

Rescue 81 responding
to the accident...

Ready?

One, two, three.

(garbled radio transmissions)

The trick is to assume your
life is going to work out.

(siren wailing)
Of course it never does.

So you do the next best thing--

you take it
one disaster at a time.

(theme music playing)

♪ ♪

CHUCK:
Man, you tricked me.

You promised me
a pancake breakfast.

GARY:
Look, just keep
your pants on.

I got one more
errand to run.

Oh, you and your errands.

All right.
Just so you know--

I want an apple pancake
and real pork sausage,

and I don't want to hear any
crap about that talking pig.

Fine.

I just don't see how
you can eat sausage

after seeing that
movie, that's all.

How? I hate
that stupid pig.

I sat in that movie,
and for 93 minutes

all I could think about

were sausage links
and pork rinds.

GARY:
There they are.

CHUCK:
Who are those clowns?

Those guys go swimming
every morning.

Every morning?!

They say it keeps them healthy.

6:30 in the morning.

November.

Freaks.

Well...

Oh...

I'm freezing with
my jacket on.

I know.

Look at those bellies.

Hey, Frank?

Uh...

Frank Levinson?!

Yeah? Yeah.

No suits?

Aren't you guys going in?

We just ate.

Look, I don't think you
want to go in either.

What? Why not?

Because it's
too cold,

and if you
go in, you...

It's not your day.

Too cold?

I've been swimming
every morning

since the Nixon
Administration.

This body can take it.

Yeah.

Look, Frank, go see your
doctor-- today.

It's not too late.
He can help you.

But I'm telling you,
don't go swimming.

You don't understand.

If I don't go,
there's only nine.

So what?

We need a minyan.

You got to be kidding me.

You guys are
Orthodox Polar Bears?

Yeah.

You got a problem
with that, smart mouth?

Look, Frank, I
know. Trust me.

Don't go in.

Please, Frank, you
got to believe me.

Fine. Fine.

You win. I won't go in...

if he goes in my place.

Me? Oh, no.

You gotta be kidding
me. No, no.

It's against my religion.

Uh-huh.
I'm not going in.

You're going.
Nope. N...

No, no, no.
Wait a minute.

Now, sto-- Hey!
Listen to me!

No, no, no. I'm...

Gary! Gary...

No! No!

CHUCK:
My hair is frozen.

It hurts.

It's a block.

It'll thaw.

Just get me
to that shower.

And you'd better
have a clean towel.

Why is it that you're the one
who gets the paper,

and I'm the one
who gets punished?

Every time.
Every time.

Gary.

Marcia, what are
you doing here?

I wanted to talk to you.

Gary.

Keys.

Shower.

Freezing.

Oh. Oh.

Marcia,
it was a pleasure,

as always.
I gotta say

that for the first time today,

I understand why
you divorced this guy.

So, you want to tell me
what you're doing here?

I... I just wanted...

to find out how
you were doing.

How things were.

Oh.

Doing well.

Doing good.

You know...
doing good.

Uh, listen, Marcia...

I'm getting
married, Gary.

That's why I came
down here in person...

to tell you first.

So... so when did, when... uh,
so when did this all happen?

Just happened.

It was quick.

Huh.

So who is he?

No, no, no, no.
You know, that...

That's a dumb question.

I shouldn't have asked.

Gary.
'Cause I
understand that

we're not married anymore
and you don't

have to clear it up
through me, and it's

a dumb question.
It doesn't matter, so...

(sighs)

(elevator bell dings)

Gary, you all right?

Oh, yeah.

So you're happy for me?

Oh, yeah.

So, who the hell is he?

I thought it
didn't matter.

I thought you were
bigger than that.

CHUCK:
Are you kidding?

No man is that big.

Oh. Are you
all right?

CHUCK:
Yeah! He's great.

He's never been better.

Another man is
marrying his wife.

I'm fine.

He probably wants
to kill himself.

I just want to know who he is.
MARISSA:
You know,

Marcia's right.
It doesn't matter.

What matters is that
now he can move on.

Move on?
Yeah.

Gary does not know
who this guy is.

For all he knows, she
could be marrying

the most successful,
best-looking guy in the city,

with the biggest...

Chuck.

...boat,

the biggest boat--
a-a yacht-- on Lake Michigan.

It takes time,
but he'll get over it.

The truth is...
Not if it's
a Kennedy.

He'd never get over it if it was
a Kennedy. I know I wouldn't.

This is exactly
what he needs-- closure.

CHUCK:
Wrong. What
he needs

is a martini and a date.

With a supermodel.

MARISSA:
Oh, great.

That's your answer
to everything.

Ask him yourself.

Gare, closure? Or a super model?

I'll bet you
two to one...

Guys!

Thank you very much
for all your input.

I'm fine. I'm over it.

I'm good.

I don't want to talk
about it anymore.

Touchy.

He's very touchy.

MARISSA:
Very touchy.

All right,
hypothetical question.

Ah! You see how he
changed the subject?

This is a man in pain.

MARISSA: Chuck.
Out of all the workers
at your office,

which one is most likely
to flip out and do something...

rash?

Harrison.
Harrison.

"An overworked
stockbroker

"at the firm of Straus
and Associates

"leapt to his death

"from a 26th-floor window
yesterday afternoon.

"The workers say Roger Harrison
had been under a great deal

"of stress at work.

"Yesterday afternoon
he typed a suicide note which

"read, 'I leave this life.
It was all too much.

Tell my family...'

and distributed it
to everyone on staff."

"Without a word to anyone
he shattered a window

"on the 26th floor

"of the high-rise, and
moments later hurled himself

to the street below."

(yells)

There's fat in
every company.

Your job is
to find it.

Employee morale is not a factor.

HARRISON:
Pritchard, you suck!

(echoing)

(thud, glass shattering)

It's dollars and cents, people.

(car horns honking)

Now, is there any new business?

"He leaves a wife

and two children."

I don't get it.

The market's doing so well.

No one jumps
during a bull market.

What is this, Harrison?

Yesterday's
Internet providers...

Bolivian telephones...

This is garbage.

Mr. Pritchard,
you said you wanted this

in both these--
I still have the memo.

I don't care about memos.

My mother can read memos.

What I care about
is the small fortune

you're costing me.

Quit slacking off.

I'm not here to entertain
you, Bannerman.

Quit gawking and
get back to work.

And Pincus, what did I tell
you about these ties, huh?

What did I tell you?

Blues and browns only.

This isn't Miami.

I didn't think it
was possible.

He's gotten worse.

SAM:
Mr. Hobson.

I haven't seen you
around in a while.

Well, I know.
I haven't been here.

How are you, Sam?
Great.

Did you hear
about Teledyne?

Up six today.

I called it.

Of course, no one asks me.

I don't think I have any mail
for you today.

Strange-- you haven't been
getting anything for a while.

I know. Sam, I... I
haven't been working here.

Right.

I'll tell you what,

I'll check downstairs.

Don't tell anybody,

but sometimes mail
gets misfiled.

You have anything
for me, Sam?

On your desk,
Mr. Fishman.

Thank you.

Let's go.

Hey, Rog, look.

Gary.

How are you, Rog?

What are you doing here?
Back on the job?

No, no, no,
just visiting. Just visiting.

How is everything?

Well, trying to keep
my head above water.

I've been better.

Under a lot of stress, huh?

Who isn't?

But that's why I get paid
the big bucks, right?

You can't let the job
ruin your life, Roger.

The job's not worth it.

No job is.

Thanks, Gary,

but, uh... I don't remember
asking you for advice.

Gare, let me handle this.

Rog, you know what
my good friend

the Dalai Lama says
about stress?

You know the Dalai Lama?

Well, I don't know
"know" the Dalai Lama,

but I read his books...

All right. I read an
article in People magazine.

Listen, guys, I
got work to do.

The Dalai Lama says
that a stressful life

is like a river that's
been poisoned,

and you got to go upstream
and find the source

of that stress in your life,

and then shut it off.

GARY:
What Chuck's trying
to say, I think,

is that you don't want
to make any, uh...

radical changes
or rash decisions.

Like hurling yourself
out a window.

Go upstream.

Upstream.

Thanks, guys. I...

I mean... uh...

that really helps...
what you said.

You have no idea.

No problem, Rog.

Hobson...

what are
you doing here?

How are you, Pritchard?

Yeah. What the hell
are you up to?

I just came to visit

Roger, here.

Is that true?

He was just visiting,
Mr. Pritchard, that's all.

Weren't looking for me?

No.

Well, this isn't
a hospital, Harrison.

We don't have
visiting hours.

And as for you, as I recall,
I fired you, Hobson.

No, actually I quit.

Yeah, well, it comes
down to the same thing.

You're here now,

and I could have you
arrested for trespassing.

Fishman, do you
still work here,

or have I fired you yet
for perpetual tardiness?

As far as I know, I'm still
under your employ, sir.

Good. Walk him out.

Make sure he doesn't stop
till he hits the sidewalk.

I was just telling him

to leave, sir.

Hobson!

And don't make
an afternoon of it.

I can't believe I used
to work for that jerk.

I'm surprised more
people haven't jumped
out of that place.

Hey, well, some of us still
have to work there, remember?

Thanks for helping
me with Harris.

You, me, and
the Dalai Lama.

What a team.

So what's next?

Marcia.

You know, Marissa
was right.

Well, that'd
be a first.

About what?

Closure.

I'm going to go
talk to Marcia

and give her my blessing.

That's right.
Be a bigger man.

Oh! That's okay.
I got it. I got it.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe it.

It can't be.

It is.

It's Pri...

Marcia's marrying Pritchard?

MAN:
I hope we got room for this.

Here I go.

Flip it.

WOMAN:
Hey, Billy, are you coming?

MAN:
Uh, yeah, give me ten minutes.

What are you doing?

I am packing.

No. You know what I mean.
Pritchard.

Pritchard's the guy?

He told you...

Well, I saw you...

your wedding announcement.

It wasn't supposed
to come out until tomorrow.

Gary, I was going to tell you.

I meant to-- you
didn't give me a chance.

And what's going on here?

You just moved in.

And now I'm moving out.

Phil's got a bigger place,
a condo on the lake.

Three bedrooms.

Pritchard...?

After everything...

Do you even know him?

No, Gary.

No, I just opened up
the yellow pages

closed my eyes,
and picked a name.

Well, that would make
a lot more sense.

Look, Gary, I know

that you and Phil had
problems working together.

He's a good man.

Oh, yeah, he's...
he's a... a real prince.

MOVER:
Excuse us.

Just have to
get the couch.

What is it that you could
possibly see in him?

We're good together.

Phil and me, we fit.

Our lives, our careers.

We could really
make a powerhouse.
My father thinks

that he has one
of the best...
Oh, your father. Of course.

Of course, you...
you buy stocks from Phil.

You invest in
Phil's company.

You're going
to live with Phil

for the rest
of your life?

And I love him.

Gary, what's really
bothering you here?

The man I'm going to
marry or the fact that
I'm getting married at all?

Oh, no, don't turn
this on me.

Excuse me. Hate to interrupt,
but your couch is too big.

You gotta take
the door off.
Take the door off.

Let's go find a
screwdriver, Manny.

You're right.
It's none of my business.

Be careful of the Meridian
when you pack it.

The mast is loose.

Actually, I'm not
taking this with me.

Oh, what?
Phil doesn't like boats?

There are some people
who hate the water.

He doesn't...?

Gary...

Here.

You should take this.

You loved that trip.

I wish you the best of luck.

(grunts)

(tapping lightly)

Mr. Hobson, Chuck Fishman
just called

to tell you
he won't be able to make it.

Oh, that's great. Thanks.
That's just my luck.

Hey, if you're
interested,

we do have a single here.

All right. Yeah.

Want to do that?
Okay.

(sighs)

I didn't know you played squash.

Yeah, just picked it up again.

Trying to keep in shape.

You know, with the
wedding coming up.

Ah.

Would you like to, uh, just hit,
or you want to keep score?

I think we should keep score.

You know, if you ever wanted
to come back, we could

always find a
place for you.

Thanks. I'll think about that.

Must be strange.

You know, your boss,

your ex.

One, nil.

(sharp groan)

Two, nil.

You know, after we're married--

me and Marcia--

we should all
get together.

We'll have you
over for dinner...

me and Marcia.

Oh, you got
to see the condo.

Marcia loves the place.

Yeah, townhouse
right on the lake.

Hell of a view.

You can see
the whole city.

Yeah, what is that,
one-two?

And three bedrooms.

Plenty of room for kids.

(grunting)

Wow, Pritchard, you okay?

Son of a...

My nose.

You got to learn how
to control your impulses.

It was an accident.

You really broke
his nose?

And a concussion.

Tell her about
the concussion.

It was an accident.

Are you sure?
What do you mean,

am I sure? What do you think?
I aimed at him?

I couldn't even
see his fat face.

Weasely, whiney voice
yapping behind me.

Marcia this, Marcia that.

Condo on the lake.

What, you don't
believe me?

Come on, Gary.

Haven't you ever read Freud?

There are no accidents.

This was no
game of squash.

This was a textbook perverse
Oedipal triangle.

Here we go.

Two father figures

in a enclosed space
fighting for the favors

of the same woman
using rackets.

Come on, people.
The symbolism is all here.

Huh? Look, Chuck, sometimes
a racket's just a racket.

Sometimes, yes.

This time, no.

I don't think so.

Marcia's going to kill me.

Tell her it was an accident.

It was an accident!

Yes. Now, if you tell her
like that,

with that kind of conviction,

then... then
she might believe you.

I'm going to get another.

Harrison,
aren't you finished yet?

Almost,
Mr. Pritchard.

Just give me what you got.

What is this?

'94 and '95.
I don't want this.

I need '90 through '93.

But Mr. Pritchard,
that's what you asked for.

Don't give me what I asked for.

Give me what I need.

You're not going to leave
till you're done.

'90 through '93.

I washed it, Mr. P,
just like you asked.

(cat meowing)

(paper thuds against door)

(meowing)

I don't get it.

I feed you.

I put a roof over your head.

And you're still
messing up my life.

(meows)

Well, take your best shot,

'cause as far as I'm concerned,
the game's over.

You win.

There's nothing else
you can do to me. And...

(meowing)

You're making it up.

It's right here
in black and white.

"Partner in brokerage
firm found murdered
late Tuesday night

"at the firm of
Strauss and Associates...

"Vice President Phillip
Pritchard was shot dead.

"The bullet-riddled corpse
was discovered

"early the next morning

"by his secretary.

"Trading was suspended

"as grief-stricken Strauss
and Associates employees

"spent the day in mourning.

"Based on initial evidence,

police suspect a disgruntled
employee is responsible."

Somebody's going
to whack Pritchard.

I can't believe
it took this long.

I don't want to do it.

Excuse me?

I don't want to save him.

You don't wan...

You, Gary Hobson,
Cub Scout to the world?

There's not a reason in
the world why I should.

The guy made
my life miserable.

He makes everybody's
life miserable.

Gary, listen.
He's marrying my wife.

Your ex-wife. Ex.

Look, Gary, Gary,

I know I'm the one
who usually says, okay,

let this person,
this angel of mercy,

do the world a favor by
plugging Pritchard full of lead,

but...

I know you.

I know your style.

You're not going to want
to see Harrison,

or any other sap,
for that matter,

go to the chair
for offing Pritchard.

You got no choice.

TRADER:
Tell him there's
500 shares available!

Nothing for you
today, Mr. Hobson.

What?

No mail. But,

about that other thing...

(whispers):
Misfiled mail.

Nothing yet.

But I'm on it.

Hobson.

Pritchard!

Wait a second!
Stay away
from me, Hobson!

Look, Pritchard,
wait a second!

Leave me alone!

Stay away from me!

I just need to talk
to you a second!

Leave me alone, Hobson!

You need to hear this.
It's important.

I mean it!

You're going
to get hurt!

Did you hear me?

Someone's going to
kill you... today.

Don't you threaten me
in my office, Hobson!

Did I threaten him?

CHUCK: Well, you know.
Well, yeah.

I got witnesses!

Fishman, you out there?
You hear this?

Uh... Yes, sir.
Every word.

What's this?

Shingles.

I'm getting shingles
'cause of you, Hobson!

You're going to hear
from my lawyer!

Get me building security.

Excuse me.
(dispatcher speaks over radio)

You're excused.

I'm done.

I did everything I could.

I give up on the guy.
You did your best.

You know, I got plenty
of people in here.

People who deserve to be saved.

"Food poisoning
strikes restaurant.

12 hospitalized
with salmonella."

There's my afternoon.

You want
to give him a hand,

you go right ahead,
but I'm through.

I'm finished.

If I never see Phil Pritchard
again, it'll be too soon.

(sizzling)

Public is not allowed back here!

This is my kitchen. Out!

I'm telling you,
your chicken's bad.

You can't serve it.

You do not tell Henri
what to serve!

There is nothing wrong
with my chicken!

My chicken is good chicken!
Robust chicken!

Well, someone left
your chicken out.

You're going to give
these people salmonella.

Michel, was the chicken
left out today?

There you go.
Now you excuse me.

I have got a full house.

(sizzles)
Ow!

(elegant classical music plays)

Well, I'll messenger
the prospectus over
this afternoon.

Just look at it.

No, it sounds perfect.

You know,
our company specializes

in high-tech companies,

so it might
be a good match.

Squash accident.

Oh, that.

I didn't even notice.

I'm not looking
for any special favors.

Just know that,
if you turn me down,

the wedding's off.

(chuckles)

Dad, no business. Remember?

No, it's okay, honey.
I don't mind.

Your father and I have
a lot to talk about.

Now, what do you
think of the escargot?

GARY:
He's lying. He left
the chicken out,

and he doesn't want
you to fire him.

Are you from
the Department of Health?

Well, no, I'm not
from the Department...

Then you leave!

Or would you like Michel
to show you the door?

Please, just
look at the chicken.

Too late.

It's gone.

(dramatic tango playing)

Here's to my
beautiful fiancee...

and her amazing parents

who have raised such
a wonderful kid.

I'll take that.

Eh, what
are you doing?

Today, my life is complete.

They're bad!

And I feel truly blessed.

(screaming)

Help! Help me!

Help me!

Help!

Help me!
(gasps)

No, not the brandy!

(screaming)

Help! My clothes
are on fire!

Help me!

(weakly):
Hobson.

That's what
friends do, Chuck.

They bail each
other out.

I know, Gare,
but I'm sorry.

It's just that
I'm not liquid right now.

It... it's
a temporary thing.

Temporary. How temporary?

A week.
A week?

I tried to tell them

it was your first public
disturbance offense, but they

wouldn't budge.
(door clangs)

Gary Hobson, you made bail.

It's over.

My engagement. Canceled.

Phil called
the whole thing off.

Look, Marcia, I... I'm sorry.

What are you
apologizing for?

It's not your fault.

Yes, it is.

It's my fault?

Phil told me that
he didn't want to get married

if it meant that he had
to spend the rest of his life

looking over his shoulder
for you.

Thank you very much.

He's scared
of you, Gary.

It's those impulses,
I'm telling you.

Look, Marcia, I didn't
mean to hurt

the guy. It was a
squash court.
It's a game.

In that restaurant, I'm
telling y...
And why were you
in that restaurant again, Gare?

I don't know what
you were doing there,

but I know you, Gary.

You would never
do anything to
hurt anybody.

No, I wouldn't.

No, he wouldn't.

Go talk to Phil.

Talk...? Marcia, I don't think
the guy wants to see me.

You owe me.

I just bailed you out.

Let him know that
you're not going

to try and
come after him.
Well, y...

He's a mess, Gary.

Please.

Well...

(phone rings)

(keyboard clacking)

Roger.

It's kind of late.

You should be
getting home, huh?

Take it to Pritchard.

He keeps me here
till 10:00 every night.

Half of this stuff
he never even reads.

Where is he? Is he here?

You know, one
of these days,

someone should
really teach him

to treat his employees
as human beings.

Roger, maybe you should go home
and get some rest before...

something happens.

I know what you're planning
on doing, Roger.

What? You heard I'm quitting?

Wow!

No secrets in this place.

You're quitting?

Yeah. I'm giving
my notice tomorrow.

You know what convinced me?

It was your
friend Fishman.

Chuck?

He was right.

I found the source of my stress.

This job.

I'm not cut out for it.

I'm going to go get
a job in a bookstore.

I like books.

So you're not planning on...
hurting Pritchard?

You kidding?

Pritchard's not worth it.
(chuckles)

I mean, you know what
the Dalai Lama says?

"All enemies are bound
by the mastery

of mind."

Where is he?
Where is Pritchard?

I think I saw him head
down to the parking lot.

Just before
you got here...

Please, please...
please don't do this.

Oh, I see.

Suddenly it's "please,"
and it's "thank you."

Now you're Mr. Polite.

Well, now it's too late.

Help me, somebody!

Whatever you want, Sam,

it's yours.
Just name it,
anything.

I want you to die.

(panting):
Uh-huh.

Anything else?

GARY:
Hey, Sam.

PRITCHARD:
Oh, Hobson.

I don't believe this.

Hi, Mr. Hobson.

I hope you're not here
about your mail.

Hey, Sam...

what are you doing?

What does it look like?

He's gonna kill me.

We're just having
a little chat.

Sorry, it's... kind of private.

PRITCHARD:
Don't let him hurt me.

Just try and stay calm,
would you?

I'm not talking to you.

Don't let Hobson hurt me.

GARY:
Hey, Sam.

Why don't you let him go, huh?

(chuckles)

Can't do it.

Can I, Mr. Pritchard?

Can't do it.

You know,

every week I put in
for a promotion.

Every week!

All I want to do
is trade stocks.

Well, Sam...

...you got to work your way up.

I've been in the mailroom
for nine years!

Really?
You know what I do
in my spare time?

I buy and sell stocks.

On paper; no money.

But I keep track--
I made $75,000

alone this month,
on paper.

What? I never knew.

I had no idea.

That's right--
you have no idea,

you have no clue,

and I'm still
in the mailroom!

That's my life.

When's the last time you didn't
get your Wall Street Journal?

I-I don't know.

He doesn't know.

Never!

You always get your
Journal, every day!

Even on Thursdays,
when I wash your car!

Even on Mondays,

when-when I get
your cleaning!

So when's it my turn,
Mr. Pritchard?

When's my shot?!

You see, don't you?

That's why I got
to kill him.

Hey, Sam...

why don't you give me the gun?

What?

I-I'm not saying

you got to let him go, I'm...

I'm just saying,
give me the gun, huh?

Look, if anybody should

settle a score with this guy,
it should be me.

Why?

I worked for this guy two years.

Every single day, he let me know

what a lousy job
I'm doing.

Then my wife leaves me.

I'm having a hard time.

Pritchard here threatens
to fire me!

So I quit.

Then the day before
yesterday, you know
what I find out?

My ex-wife is remarrying.

Guess who she's marrying?

You're right--
you should shoot him.

No, don't do it.

It's a trick. He's crazy!

He's a lunatic!

You had to listen
to two years of that?

That's verbal abuse.

I'm tired.

Look, Sam...

you know, why don't you
take a break?

I mean, I'm sure
your job'll be here
when you get back.

Won't it, Pritchard?

Right, whatever you want.

Take a week, take a month,
paid vacation.

I could take some classes.

Maybe get my broker's license.

Yeah, I don't see why not.

I'm sure Strauss and Associates,
they'd pick up the bill.

Wouldn't they?

Yeah, whatever you say.

Hey, Sam...

get some rest.

Hey, Sam.

Don't worry
about the mail.

Oh, leave me
alone, Hobson.

I promise...

I promise I'm not
gonna marry Marcia.

I'll never speak to her again.

Wrong answer, Pritchard.

Now, you're gonna
get on with your life,

and I'm gonna get on with mine,
but you will marry Marcia.

I will?

You're gonna
promise me

you're gonna marry Marcia,

or I'm gonna plug you
full of holes!

I promise I'll marry her!

Now, can you untie me?

And you're gonna treat her well.

Promise!
I will.

I promise.
And every day

you're gonna tell yourself
you're the luckiest man alive,

'cause you don't deserve her,
and she's far too good for you.

Say it!

I'm the luckiest man alive,
and I don't deserve her!

All right, that's about it.

Thank you.

(panting)

Can you help me up, please?

(grunts)

So...

I can just go?

Uh, yeah.

Go on.

Hey, Pritchard,
one more thing.

Maybe you should treat
your employees

with a little bit
more respect, huh?

Don't you push it, Hobson.

I don't need you to tell me
how to run a business.

That... stupid mailroom kid,

he was just a bad apple.

Uh-huh.

My employees love me.

(car alarm beeps)

(explosion)

CHUCK:
My good friend
the Dalai Lama says

that a wise man
never feels out of place.

Of course,

the Dalai Lama never went
to his ex-wife's wedding.

I'm just so proud.

You know,
I think I might cry.

Me, too.

So, she's a little late.

Marcia's never late.

CHUCK:
People will surprise you...

every single time.

They will.

They're like
the weather that way.

They'll change on you,
give you no warning whatsoever.

She wasn't right for me.

She... was getting into it
for all the wrong reasons.

I should've
seen it coming.

You never see it coming.

Still, I guess it's
better I find out now

rather than three or four
years down the road.

Oh, absolutely.

In a way, I'm better off.

Not as invested.

Mm, that's right.

You get to move on.

You get closure.

I envy you, though.

You had the three
or four years.

Did you ever
see her dance?

Oh, yeah.

Lots of times.

Hey, did she ever take you
to that salsa joint?

Yeah, once.

Couldn't keep up with her--
I wrenched my back.

Twisted my knee.

I really did love her.

Yeah, I know.

CHUCK:
But even the experts
can't predict the weather.

Ask three different experts,

you get three different
weather reports.

That's why you got
to give people

the benefit of the doubt.

'Cause no one, not even a guy
who gets tomorrow's paper,

knows everything
that's gonna happen tomorrow.

(cat yowls)