ER (1994–2009): Season 5, Episode 5 - Masquerade - full transcript

[theme music]

(male narrator)
Previously on "ER.."

That was a great save.

Actually, I meant being
your full‐time P. A.

Great. I'd love that.

This is more of a formality
than anything else.

Maybe for you, but you're
the only intern I have.

I admire your fortitude.

I couldn't handle taking orders
from a weasel like Dale.

Your presentation
was everything we expected.

This is ridiculous, Lucy.
Everyone thinks you can.



I know. I'm going to talk
to Dr. Carter.

I haven't started an IV.

I don't know how.
I never have.

If you ever lie
to me again

you can look
for another rotation.

[siren blaring]

Aah! Sorry.

(Mark)
'She's in active labor.'

Water broke
in the rig.

Probably got
to play catch.

Hey, Jerry, scarfing a little
early dinner back there?

What?

Oh, no. Good one, Chuny.

[chuckles]



‐ Baby, baby, baby.
‐ This our mother‐to‐be?

Ah, good guess.
First name's Coco.

No last name, no address.
Collapsed in a crosswalk.

‐ Walk, don't walk, don't talk.
‐ Her vitals are stable.

‐ Ooh, I can feel the head.
‐ Started a line

We took a peek down south,
she's not crowning.

Crown me, I'm the queen,
and the prince is coming.

♪ Coming 'round
the mountain..♪

When's your due date, Coco?

I don't like dates.
Too sweet. Oh!

Big one.
Big pain.

Oh...oh.

Have you delivered
a baby before?

No delivery.

Let's go
to curtain area three.

BOA Kit, fetal monitor.

‐ Baby warmer.
‐ Take it out!

‐ Hey, Jerry, page OB for me.
‐ You got it.

Dude, the eagle has landed.

Oh, Lydia, I‐I guess
you didn't get my memo.

The PM shift is not wearing
costumes this year.

It scares the patients.

A lot of things have been said
over the years

about this set of gams,
but "scary" isn't one of them.

Well, you know, it also
isn't very professional

so if you wouldn't
mind changing

I‐I actually got some of these
little Jack‐O‐Lantern pins

for those who want
to signify the holiday.

Fun.

I'm glad my no‐costume memo
made it to some people.

This is my costume.
I'm dressed as a total stiff.

Oh.

I guess I can make
an exception.

Four‐year‐old child with severe
puncture wounds to the neck.

Why isn't this kid
in the trauma room?

You said you wanted to see
all the children in..

I need an intubation tray now,
alright?

And I want four units
of your blood.

[laughs]

Oh, come on.
This is funny.

[theme music]

[music continues]

You of all people
should be able to take a joke.

I just didn't think it was
appropriate, that's all.

But putting surgilube
all over every phone

in the ER,
that's‐that's okay?

No, no, but I wasn't in charge
of the whole ER.

I am in charge
of the Pedes ER.

Well, the joke was on you, Doug,
not on the Pedes ER.

But that seems to be one
and the same these days.

What's that supposed to mean?

The memo.

‐ I got in my box this morning.
‐ Yeah?

I thought it was
your Halloween prank.

Why, why? What's wrong
with this? What?

Doug, "All pediatric patients

"must be seen by Dr. Ross
prior to discharge.

"Dr. Ross will conduct
a daily review

on all pediatric patients."

Right. What's
wrong with that?

Means you have to sign off
on Kerry Weaver's charts.

‐ Well, yeah, and Mark.
‐ Yeah, so you're psyched

Well, it's time
for a change, that's all.

Yeah, kind of like me,
I woke up this morning

and I was a Transylvanian bat.

‐ Alright, enough, okay?
‐ Good luck.

(Mark)
'Carol, could you come
in here?'

[woman moaning]

What's up?

Coco here claims to be
nine months pregnant.

Try for fetal
heart tones.

I couldn't find them.

Find 'em.
Don't lose 'em.

Look in the,
look in the lost and found.

'Look in the..'

Cervix isn't dilated.

No adnexal masses.

She sure looks pregnant.

[chuckles]
Duh, I'm having a baby.

All I can appreciate
is a normal uterus

and about two liters
of urine in her bladder.

Coco, we're going
to give you a bedpan.

Can you try and relax
and relieve yourself?

[panting]
Shallow breath.

[panting]
Nature's way.

‐ 'Want me to get a Foley?'
‐ Yeah.

And a urine tox screen.

Call psych while
you're at it.

I can't believe you're
gonna wear that all day.

It has gotten itchy,
but it's my first

Halloween in the States.

What do you mean?
You were here last year.

Yeah, but I was stuck
in the OR all night.

So no trick‐or‐treating,
apple bobbing, hayrides..

‐ Hayrides?
‐ Yeah.

Isn't that how you
celebrate Halloween

riding in a cart
full of hay

with your sweetie
under the stars?

Elizabeth, there are
no hay carts in Chicago.

You know what I mean. It's all
about celebrating the night.

Celebrating what, huh?

Kids rotting their teeth out

getting sick to their stomach

people wearing these stupid..

Well, I have a thing
against costumes, you know?

There must've been someone
you wanted to be.

I'm a doctor.
That's who I wanted to be.

Yes, but as a child.

You must've wanted to be
a spaceman, or a footballer.

[sighs]
Nope.

You really are
extraordinary, Peter.

How about a knight
in shining armor?

‐ No.
‐ A cowboy.

No, listen, if you
wanna celebrate

why don't we go
to Dempsey's?

They got great food
and‐and, uh, what is that?

Uh. Swing dancing.

Elizabeth,
there you are.

My sigmoid volvulus
is red‐lined to the OR.

And the pre‐op labs
aren't on the chart.

Well, I just checked
the computer.

Everything's back
except the electrolytes.

Checking the computer
isn't good enough.

I just called the lab
and the specimen was hemolyzed.

‐ I'll call phlebotomy.
‐ Takes too long.

I want you
to redraw yourself

and hand‐carry
it to the lab.

Yes, sir.

‐ Excuse me.
‐ Just a minute.

‐ Yeah?
‐ I'm looking for Dr. Greene.

Oh, damn!

I needed
to save that.

So I can find
Dr. Greene where?

Yeah, you're gonna have to wait
in chairs.

Okeydoke.

Jerry, has the systems guy
taken a look at this yet?

Na, he looked,
but he didn't touch.

The work order wasn't co‐signed.

Lily, what do
you got there?

This was just sitting
out in the ambulance bay.

Look, there's all kinds of stuff
in this bag, too.

Four by fours,
steri‐strips, IV tubing.

Yeah, you know what?
I'll take care of this.

‐ Really? You sure?
‐ Yeah. No worries.

‐ Thanks.
‐ Sure.

‐ Hey, Jerry.
‐ Hi.

So you can't blow it off?

Oh, don't get me wrong.

I would love
to attend your shindig

but this
is a teamster party.

Ah‐ha, your eyes are aglow
with the fire.

of disability policies

Well, it's rare
that a policy underwriter

has an opportunity
at a whole room

full of drunken
manual laborers.

Sounds better
than chaperoning a dorm party.

Everybody knows the best part
of a bad party is sneaking out

preferably not alone.

So I might
see you later.

Or I'll make
it up to you.

Dr. Carter, hi.

Um, I got the elbow films
back on Mr‐‐

Lucy, can you give
us a second, please?

Sure.

What? What are you saying?

I got the elbow films back
on Mr. Cahan

and the CBC
and chem panel on his nicolora.

Thanks. Looks good.

Yeah, I was thinking
about you at dinner

and I realized
that I left this in my car.

Is that for the party?

No, I think that you should

start practicing your IV's.

I have been practicing.

Well, then this should
be old hat for you.

‐ Dr. Carter, good.
‐ Hey..

Those suckers are heavy.

What are these?

Tomorrow's departmental
conference

"The acute abdomen
in the elderly."

I pulled an ischemic bowel
you had a few months ago.

I was hoping
that you could present.

I've never done that.

Well, it's great experience
if you're serious

about becoming chief resident.

‐ Oh, I'm serious.
‐ Okay.

I look forward
to your presentation.

Chief resident.
Pretty cool.

Yeah. I'm pretty cool.

‐ 'Incoming.'
‐ I got it.

‐ What do we got?
‐ Joe Chattarowski, 40.

Was drinking a quart of vodka
in front of Lucky Liquor.

Called 911 when he was
too drunk to walk.

‐ I need help, doc.
‐ Exam two.

Do you drink every day,
Mr. Chattarowski?

Yeah. But I wanna quit.

‐ Are you serious?
‐ I'm dead serious.

You're not just looking
for a place to sleep it off?

(Chattarowski)
'On my mother's eyes.'

Can you admit me
for detox, please?

‐ Dr. Carter?
‐ Oh..

I think Miss Knight
can help you out with that.

Why don't you see if you can
find him a detox bed.

Then you can practice
on that teaching arm.

Alright, let's transfer him.
Ready? One, two, three.

Average daily
census is 150.

‐ We see 275 a day at Bellevue.
‐ Impressive.

We're the second‐largest
emergency department

in the world.

I'll show you
the trauma rooms.

Psst. Hey, Jerry.

‐ Hmm.
‐ Who's that?

‐ With Dr. Greene?
‐ Yeah.

That is Dr. Litvak
from New York.

The Dan Litvak?

Yeah. I think he's here
interviewing to be ER chief.

Oh, my God.

Dan Litvak,
he's national chair

of the ACEP panel

for practice guidelines.

Lead article
in last month's annals.

Well, that's good, right?

Hey, buddy. I'm Dr. Ross.

‐ What's your name?
‐ Jared.

Pruritic rash right after
putting on his Halloween makeup.

‐ He's covered with hives.
‐ Mmm‐hmm.

Let's take a look at him.
Has he had hives before?

‐ No.
‐ Alright.

Now, any, uh, swelling
in your mouth?

Are you having
trouble breathing?

‐ My tongue feels big.
‐ Okay.

BP's 90 over 60, pulse 72.

Okay, let's give him .2

of sub‐Q epi, Benadryl 25 IV.

Is he going to be okay?

He has a bad
allergic reaction.

'We need to treat him
with IV medication'

and just watch him
for a few hours.

Can I still go
trick‐or‐treating?

(Jeanie)
'I don't think so, sweetie.'

But we can find you some fun
stuff to do around here.

Fun stuff around here sucks.

(Coco)
'What did you do
with my baby?'

What did you..
Where's my baby?

Should I ask?

2200 cc's out so far.
Belly's flat.

Oh, I lost my baby.

Haldol, five
milligrams IM.

Mark, I'm looking
for your‐your chart reviews

on last month's
unscheduled returns.

Uh, yeah,
I put 'em in your box.

Kerry, this is
Dr. Dan Litvak.

This is Dr. Kerry Weaver,
our interim chief.

Nice to meet you.

Where you from, Dr. Litvak?

New York, Bellevue.

Just here
to get a few tips?

(Litvak)
'No, I just had
my second interview'

'for the chief position.'

Dr. Greene is being kind enough
to show me around.

Second interview.

Yeah, they wanted to,
uh, meet with Dr. Litvak

one more time
before tonight's vote.

Yeah, I thought the vote
wasn't until next Wednesday.

(Litvak)
'I have to hop a plane'

'to a conference
in Bermuda tonight.'

They thought it would be best

if I could know beforehand.

Well, that's great.
The sooner the better, huh?

I guess, I'll just
check my mailbox.

That's the competition, huh?

Did you have any luck
with that detox bed?

No one called me back yet.

Got a flash...and I am in.

Yes, you are.

I think I'm ready
for the real thing now.

Well, let's find out.

I'll talk you through
Mr. Chattarowski.

Okay.

Make sure we don't repeat

our last IV fiasco.

That definitely
won't happen again.

No. It was my fault
as much as it was yours.

Oh, I wouldn't
exactly say that.

Well, I should've supervised
you a little bit more closely.

Should never have let you get
to the place that you did.

From now on,
we'll just take it

one step at a time.

Carter, your drunk eloped.

‐ Chattarowski?
‐ Does that mean he left?

‐ Yep.
‐ Does anyone else need an IV?

I've got it.

You wanted to
be a superhero.

Tights, cape..

‐ Yeah, wrong.
‐ Well, there was someone.

Wasn't there?

Hey, look
who's here.

Bye‐bye, cutie pie.

‐ Hey..
‐ Hey, little bee.

‐ Gosh, he's getting so big.
‐ I know.

He's eating me out
of house and home.

I didn't expect you.

We just left
Walt and Jackie's.

Oh, yeah.
The annual blowout?

Yeah, and I told Walt
that he should just put on one

of his super duper fly outfits
he used to wear in the '70s..

Nah, don't encourage him,
that brother still thinks

Polyester's gonna make a
comeback.

Speaking of costumes,
do you have any film

left in that camera?

Yes.

We should have him
with his daddy.

‐ Absolutely.
‐ Would you do the honors?

Yeah, sure.

Okay.

Ready?

Feeling any better?

I'm alright...I guess.

What did you..

What did you give me?

Uh, Haldol,
to calm you down.

I can't take that.

It's not good for my baby.

Coco, you don't
have a baby.

But I will, really.

I'm in my first trimester.

(Hathaway)
'Coco...you're not pregnant.'

'You were just retaining urine.'

Carol..

You did do a pregnancy test,
didn't you?

Starting to wish I had.

(Coco)
'Um, I'm‐I'm schizophrenic'

and...I had been
taking Risperidone

but when I found out
I was pregnant

I went off the medication
so that the baby would be okay.

What will the Haldol do
to the baby?

If in fact,
you are pregnant..

...there are reports
of limb malformation.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry, baby.

[crying]

[dramatic music]

(Benton)
'Aorta's clamped,
pericardium's dry.'

Alright. Looks like
the heart is still empty.

Let's get two
more units.

Chest tube's gushing.
It's over two liters.

Could be a Hilar injury.
Alright, people.

Let's set up for a right‐sided
thoracotomy. Let's move.

Ten blade.
We'll do a clamshell.

Malik, call the blood bank,
we need more O‐neg

and type specific
when it's ready.

Okay. Rib spreader.
Peter, cut across the sternum.

(Benton)
'Alright. I need
a lebshke knife.'

‐ A what?
‐ A lebshke and a mallet.

Let's move!

Look. Top drawer
by the sink.

What you really need
is a sternal saw.

A sternal saw is a tool for the
OR not the ER, you know that.

The right chest
is full of blood.

Vascular clamp. More suction.

(Benton)
'Alright, could you
locate the source?'

Ahh.

Alright. Move your hand,
move your hand.

Four units in.

Okay, come on, Peter.

He's losing it faster
than we can put it in.

‐ Damn!
‐ Type specific's here.

Hang two rapid infuser.

Alright,
I'm almost there.

Looks like right atrium.

O‐vicryl now.
Let's move. Let's move.

You know, there were
faster ways to do that.

I am pregnant.

The test confirmed it.

'We don't know if the Haldol
affected the fetus.'

We're going to monitor
the pregnancy with ultrasound.

Maybe I shouldn't
have a baby.

Because of the Haldol?

I didn't even tell my mom,
you know.

'It was like,
she‐she was so proud'

'that I was in
the Halfway house.'

I thought it would be okay.

I thought I could go off
my meds, but I..

Can't, can I?

You'll probably have more
incidents like this one.

I shouldn't go
through with this.

You've been through a lot
in a short amount of time.

Maybe you should just wait.

I shouldn't do this.

I shouldn't do this.

So you think she'll
terminate her pregnancy?

That's the impression I got.

Probably be the best
for her and for you.

Yeah. Gets me off the hook.

You wanna have a drink later?
Decompress?

I would,
but Jen's back in town

and we have to have
one of our talks.

Oh. Sounds like it's
not your day, Mark.

You can take off now
if you want, Lucy.

We're pretty caught
up around here.

What about the Pedes ER?

It's standing room only
in there.

Doug Ross
is in a groove, huh?

No. You'd probably
just slow him down.

Right, well, that gives
me more time

to get ready for the party.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to upset the..

Found this guy right back
chillin'

with a bottle of night train
in front of Lucky's.

'You all need a revolving door
on your exam rooms.'

Well, well, well. Long time
no see, Mr. Chattarowski.

So, you know this guy?

Yeah. Had him in earlier.

He came in looking
to be detoxed

and then eloped before we could
get the blood work done.

Well, next time,
I'm just calling the cops.

We can take him from here, okay?

‐ You're off, anyway.
‐ Thanks .

Curtain area two.

Mr. Chattarowski,
I'm Dr. Greene.

This is Nurse Hathaway.

We'd like
to welcome you back.

I know I screwed up, doc.

I'm a screw up by nature.

I wanna make a clean start.
I really do.

You're not going to make a very
clean start, Mr. Chattarowski

with a bottle
of booze in your hand.

That was my last drink.

I'm not gonna poison myself
no more, I promise.

Other than bloodshot, the eyes
look okay. Lean forward.

I'm going to get
clean and sober, doc..

You gotta be quiet
so I can hear your lungs.

And a picket fence..

Shh, shh, shh! Shh, shh.

BP's 130 palp.

Mr. Chattarowski

I'm gonna try
and get you a detox bed

but you have to promise me
you're gonna stay.

I promise.

I really do.

I'm going to get clean
and sober.

Okay. If you could just scoot
over to this bed.

You think he'll stay?

Well, I was a cynic
with Ms. Coco

and we saw how
that worked out.

So karmically, I have
to believe this guy.

Okay, Dr. Karma,
but if you don't mind

I'm gonna lock up
his clothes so it makes it

a little harder for him
to escape this time.

Good idea.

[screaming]

Amanda, you have
to stay still for me.

It will only hurt
for a second.

No, daddy!

If you're good, I'll give you
some stickers when she's done.

I don't want stickers, daddy.

‐ Is this really necessary?
‐ Yeah, unfortunately, it is.

We have to take blood
to do the test.

‐ Daddy, I wanna go home.
‐ Is everything alright in here?

‐ Yes, fine.
‐ Doctor.

My little girl's
afraid of needles.

Is there a way to test her
without all this?

As a matter of
fact, there is.

‐ What do we got?
‐ Barbie Kligman.

11‐year‐old MVA.

Backseat passenger
with a lap belt.

Complains of abdominal pain.

BP 105 over 70, pulse 95.

Alright. Let's get
a CBC, chem 20.

Type and hold,
and dip a urine.

Barbie, does
your neck hurt?

No, just my stomach.

Hmm, pulse ox is 98
on room air.

‐ Chest is clear.
‐ Okay.

Is Dale okay with you
being here?

Shouldn't be a problem.

(Benton)
'Alright,
pupils are five millimeters'

'and react to light.'

Is she gonna be okay, doctor?

We're taking care of her.

Pretty good
seat belt contusion.

Yeah.

Bowel sounds are absent.

Hemoglobin's 14.1.

Okay. Listen, does this hurt?

‐ Ow!
‐ What's going on?

She has a bruise
from the seat belt

which is often associated
with small bowel injury.

Alright, we're gonna do
a cat scan of the belly

even if it's negative she may
need exploratory surgery.

‐ Oh, my God.
‐ Look, you'll be okay, Barbie.

'Mommy and daddy
will be here for you, okay?'

Yeah, that's all it takes?

Yeah, the machine
delivers lidocaine

to the skin
by ionophoresis

so, no needles.

Hey.

Dr. Weaver,
we meet again.

I‐I thought
you had a plane to catch.

Flight delayed,
I figure hanging out here

beats watered‐down
airport cocktails.

Mind if I play
fly on the wall?

It's Dr. Ross'
Pedes room.

Sure. Hang out.

Here we go, sweetheart.

How are you, Amanda?

‐ Okay.
‐ You're okay?

Now, this pad puts your skin
to sleep...alright?

So you're not going
to feel anything.

Now, close your eyes,
sweetheart.

‐ Do you feel anything?
‐ No.

‐ Okay.
‐ 'It's amazing.'

We tried numbing it with a cream
but it takes an hour.

‐ This is great, Doug.
‐ It really is.

‐ What's it called again?
‐ "Numby."

We did the phase three
clinical trials at Bellevue.

We've been using it
for over a year now.

[clears throat]

[upbeat music]

Hey, Dr. Carter.

Nice costume.

Yeah, I feel kind of lame.
Nobody else dressed up.

Well, it's early yet.
People may still show.

The flyer said 8:00.

You gotta remember
these are med students.

They're busy.

Do you want me to get you
some punch?

Uh, later.
I gotta go.

I gotta go pull articles
at the library

for this conference tomorrow.

That is, if you think this
party can chaperone itself.

I'll look after things
for ya.

Yeah. Why don't you do that?

‐ How old is this girl?
‐ 'Eleven.'

What's with the glitter
on her face?

She's supposed to be a princess.

Dale, get a clamp on that.

Babcock, please.

Okay. There's a little bleeding
around the duodenum.

Let's kocherize and explore
the retroperitoneum.

‐ Bovie.
‐ So, Peter.

What do you have planned
for Halloween?

Nothing special.

I know a motel on route 22,
jungle theme rooms.

‐ Metz.
‐ Room 14. Hanging vines.

You Tarzan, she Jane.
You know what I mean?

No. I think
we'll just stay in town.

Alright.
The pancreas looks good.

No renal injuries here.

Hold on.
There's infrarenal mass.

Looks like a lumbar node.

No. It doesn't
feel right.

It's‐it's too rubbery.

There's one on
this side, too.

Could be Lymphoma.

Alright. Let's send
for a biopsy.

'Number 15.'

Everything okay
on the wards, Elizabeth?

Yes. Would you like
me to scrub in?

‐ Yeah. We could use your help.
‐ Wonderful.

We just biopsied an abnormal
lymph node on Barbie here.

Why don't you run this specimen
down to pathology and wait

on the frozen section results.

I signed in three more kids.

Our patients are stacked
to the rafters.

‐ We're getting to them.
‐ Well, not fast enough.

You need to let the main ER
handle the overflow.

I don't know.
I have to see these kids.

You saw what happened
with Kerry.

It's a busy night, Doug.

One doctor can't see
them all by himself.

[exhaling]

Alright, alright.

Send the overflow
to the main ER

but send me the kids' charts.

‐ Of course.
‐ Okay.

And the sickest ones,
send them to me.

I wouldn't do it any other way.

What are you doing
back so early?

Me and Ariel, we were
sick of trick‐or‐treating

and mom's running late.

What are you watching?

"Family love triangles."

‐ Uh huh. Educational TV, huh?
‐ Yeah.

Mom says that when
we move to St. Louis

she's only gonna
to let me watch

an hour of television a day.

When you move to St. Louis?

You didn't know?

I think that's why

mom wanted to see you.

So it's a done deal then?

My room's gonna
be twice as big

'and there's a park across
the street for the dogs.'

‐ It sounds nice.
‐ 'It's really pretty there.'

Please don't tell her
I told you, okay?

Hey. My lips are sealed.

(Dale)
Prepare transversely with
running Vicryl. Three‐O.

Gentlemen, I have
the results of your biopsy.

Care to guess what we saw
under the microscope?

‐ Got to be Hodgkin's.
‐ 'Nope.'

‐ Metastatic Adeno?
‐ Wrong again.

Seminiferous tubules.

‐ What?
‐ You're kidding?

'You biopsied two testicles.'

It seems that Barbie is a boy.

Who knew there were so
many texts on the bowels?

Yeah. This is just what
I could get my hands on.

I suppose with all this intense
interest, that means our bowels

are in good hands for
many years to come.

Right, Dr. Carter?

That's a nice thought.

Hey, sounds like
the party's up and running.

[upbeat music]

Party!

Whoa!

Yeah!

[hooting and hollering]

[rock music]

♪ This year Halloween
fell on a weekend ♪

♪ Me and Geto Boyz
are trick‐or‐treating ♪

♪ Robbing little kids for bags ♪

♪ Till an old man
got behind our ass ♪

♪ So we speeded up the pace ♪

♪ Took a look back and he
was right before our face ♪

♪ We'd be in for
a squable no doubt..♪

Dr. Carter.

Party picked up.
The booze is right there.

Nice aim, dude.

You almost put out
the fire with that one.

Hey, Dr. Carter.

Thanks, dude.

♪ The more I swung
the more blood flew ♪

♪ Then he disappeared
and my boys disappeared too ♪

♪ Then I felt
just like a fiend ♪

♪ It wasn't even close
to Halloween ♪

♪ It was dark as death
on the streets.. ♪

Okay, kids, that's it.
Party's over.

You don't have to go home
but you can't stay here.

What's up? Were we too loud?

No, the furniture
was too on fire.

Oh, really?
I'm sorry.

I'll be in my room, studying.

Happy Halloween.

She did it to me again.

She's in escrow and I had to
hear about it from Rachel.

Maybe she was gonna
to tell you tonight.

Maybe, or maybe
she was just going

to send me a postcard
from St. Louis.

You really had a good time
with Rachel, didn't you?

Yeah. Yeah, I did.

How's Chattarowski's
detox search going?

Uh, they were all out
of beds in four east

but I stood my ground
and insisted

that he was a good
detox candidate

and finally,
they caved in

and gave him a place
on four west.

Wow. You must owe
them some favors.

‐ A couple, but it was worth it.
‐ Huh.

Well, you tried, you know?

(Dale)
'When we explored
the retroperitineum'

we discovered two small masses.

Masses?
What kind of masses?

Well, we were
concerned, too

so we sent down a frozen
section of the biopsy

that revealed
testicular tissue.

What does that mean?

Barbie has a condition

called testicular
feminization.

Genetically, she's a male
with x‐y chromosomes.

But during development
the fetal tissue

was resistant
to testosterone

and the external genitalia
developed as female.

There's got to be a mistake.

'No mistake.'

'The vagina's nothing
but a blind pouch.'

No uterus, nor ovaries.

She'll need to be on
estrogen replacement therapy.

My little girl
has testicles.

Actually, we had
to remove them

because of the high incidence
of malignant transformation.

I‐I don't understand.
I‐I changed her diapers.

'I know every inch of her.'

She's a boy?

The genetics don't matter.

You've raised her as a girl.
Barbie is a girl.

'It's what she looks like.
It's her identity.'

Nothing will change that.

But you have to understand
that she'll never menstruate

or bear children.

[sobbing]

Obviously,
this has come as a shock.

You'll need time to adjust.

'Barbie's recovering.'

We'll refer you
to a genetic counselor.

They'll help you decide
when and how to tell her.

Thank you, doctor.

[telephone ringing]

‐ Nice job.
‐ Thank you.

'Course, you forgot to mention
they'll have to change

Barbie's name to Ken.

After the day I've had,
just line them up.

Word. That's how
you got to do it, man.

Work hard, play hard.

I deserve
to play hard.

I had to check
all those stool samples

for fecal leukocytes, dude.

You think that's bad?

My resident
had me give physical exams

to these homeless shelter guys.

One had maggots
crawling all over an abscess.

Well, at least your residents
acknowledge your existence.

Mine don't even
know I'm here.

I get more respect
from this rubber arm.

[whooping and laughing]

We might have saved this guy
if we had the saw.

We could have cut across
the sternum in two seconds

instead of chiseling
for close to a minute.

Look, Kerry, the guy was dead.

Another few seconds wouldn't
have brought him back to life.

Yeah, but it would've given
him a chance.

C'mon, look, we are not going
to waste time and money

training ER docs on a piece
of surgical equipment

that's gonna get used,
what, once a year?

But if we had the saw we could
give midline thoracotomies

for all penetrating chest
trauma with full arrest.

Yeah, we could, but that
is not the standard of care.

Oh, c'mon, the standard
of care gives miserable results.

If they arrest in the ambulance,
ten percent survive.

If they arrest
in the ER, 30% survive.

I think midline thoracotomy
gives us better exposure

to repair cardiac injuries.

Alright, look, Kerry,
if you're so damned

interested in this,
why don't you do a study?

‐ Alright, I will.
‐ Good.

I know exactly the guy from
surgery to coordinate with you.

Peter?

Kerry and I were just
discussing a joint study

between the ER and surgery.

‐ Study?
‐ Yeah.

Lateral versus midline
thoracotomy for penetrating

chest trauma with full arrest.

Is this because of today?

Kerry, why don't you draw
up a proposal including a budget

and have it on my desk
in the next two weeks?

‐ I will.
‐ Good. Okay.

Listen, I don't think ER docs

should be playing around
with a sternal saw.

Neither do I.

Well, then, why did
you support her?

I'm not. I'm letting
her spin her wheels.

She'll write a proposal,
and it won't make it

through the "Human
Subjects Committee"

in about a million years.

‐ M&M?
‐ Oh, no, no.

‐ Hey.
‐ Oh!

Listen, I‐I made reservations
at Dempsey's for 10:00.

Peter, I don't know.
I'm‐I'm pretty swamped.

What are you talking about?
It's Halloween.

Yeah, but Dempsey's
isn't really Halloween‐y.

You know, it'll‐it'll keep.

[telephone ringing]

[sighs]

Hey, Walt.
What's up, man? It's me.

Listen, I, uh,
I need to ask you a favor.

See this one?

That's the bull rider.

Alright. The cute cowboy.

Dad!

Rach, did I hear
your order right?

You hate rhubarb
and walnuts.

I like it now.

Dad makes good pie.

He always did.

Jen, you trying
to butter me up?

No, I just remember your mom's
famous rhubarb pie recipe.

[police sirens wailing]

Sorry you have to work
late with a cold.

Are you holding up?

Yeah, it's just
my sinuses.

Rachel, why don't you
go wash your hands?

Okay.

St. Louis, huh?

‐ She told you.
‐ It slipped out.

It's a great job, Mark.

The schools are top rate, and‐‐

It sounds good.

I was ready for a fight.

I think we've done enough
fighting for a lifetime

don't you think?

Yeah.

In a perfect world
we could both spend

365 days a year with her,
but we can't.

‐ St. Louis isn't very far.
‐ No.

I'll have holidays
and summers.

Spending this time with
her this summer has..

...made me think about how..

...we spent way too much time
thinking about ourselves.

She told me you guys
got along really well.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was, uh..

...it was a lot of,
it was a lot of fun.

Thank you.

Is it still Halloween?

Uh...yes.

You have a few
more hours left.

I guess I won't be able
to go trick‐or‐treating.

Not this year.

I'm sorry.

Some day, huh?

That's okay.

The best part was making
the costume, anyway.

Me and my mom
made it together.

Do you still have my tiara?

Uh..

...yes.

Yes, right here.

Wait, let me do that.

'There.'

How do I look?

Oh! Like a beautiful
fairy princess.

[laughing]

‐ No!
‐ No.

Drink up, buddy!

[moaning]

Some people cannot
hold their liquor.

We should totally
mess with his mind.

Oh, you mean, the‐hand‐
in‐the‐warm‐water trick?

Not on the couch,
Lucy. Come on.

‐ I got it. I got it.
‐ C'mon.

Stop it!

Do you think he's okay?

Yeah, he's just
a lightweight, that's all.

Oh, he has a strong pulse,
and he's still breathing.

You've been in the ER
way too long.

Let's get this party
started right!

You going to
shave his head?

No, that would be
cruel and unusual.

This is mean!
This is mean.

‐ Here.
‐ You ain't seen nothin' yet.

Well, even if he was drunk,
that should still work.

No, stop, stop, stop.

‐ Wait, wait, wait. Willie?
‐ Willie.

Willie, wake up!

Alright, someone needs to call
911 and go get Carter.

Get real, Luce. If we call
Dr. Carter, he's gonna narc.

No, Willie's in trouble.
We need to do something.

No, Luce, Bernie's right.
We're med students.

We can handle this.

This is, this is not class.

This is our friend.
Now, you guys call 911.

I'm gonna go get Carter.

Dr. Carter?

Wake up, Dr. Carter!

Wake up!

Okay, everybody, back off.
Give him some air.

‐ Anybody call 911?
‐ I did, Dr. Carter.

(Dr. Carter)
'Come on, Willie, wake up.'

Wake up!

I got a weak carotid pulse,
but he's not breathing.

Oh, man.

[puffing]

[retching]

‐ Oh!
‐ Oh, gross!

Can I do anything?
What can I do?

He vomited. That's‐that's,
that's good, right?

No, that's bad.

[ambulance siren wailing]

If he vomits and it gets
down in his lungs

he could die
of aspiration pneumonia.

(Lucy)
'Alright, his parents live
in Downer's Grove.'

‐ Here.
‐ Call them. Give them a call.

We're up here,
second floor!

"X," what's that?

‐ That's liquid ecstasy.
‐ What is that?

It's like a narcotic.
Did anybody else take it?

I don't know. I didn't even
know Willie took it.

Branch took some earlier.

‐ I can't leave Willie.
‐ I'll go.

It was clean. They showed
the replay a million times.

Oh, please! It was a joke
how offsides they were.

You're dreaming. Pay up.

Mark, that was
Lucky Liquor down the street.

Ah, a vagrant's best friend.

They say they have a guy
in a County patient gown

with a yellow IV Bag
trying to buy beer.

What ever happened to, "No
shirt, no shoes, no service?"

Well, that's just it,
they're trying to stall him

until someone comes and gets
him but they're not gonna

hang on all day.

Alright, tell you what.
Hey, Grabarsky.

You go down and pick
this guy up and we're even.

‐ 'How's that sound?'
‐ This drunk a friend of yours?

No, but he owes
me bigger than you do.

Consider him admitted.

Where is he?

Ah, his roommate said
he went to take a shower.

‐ How's Willie?
‐ Paramedics intubated him.

Liquid ecstasy?
These guys are med students.

‐ You think they'd know better.
‐ Yeah, you would.

Branch? Branch?

[Carter groans]

Branch, wake up!

Let's get him
out of here.

‐ No, he's not moving any air.
‐ No pulse.

‐ Dammit!
‐ I'll start chest compressions.

Where's the syringe?

I'll tell you what. Go find
the paramedics, I'll do CPR.

Okay.

[instrumental music]

Mr. Lubin just spiked
to 101.4.

Go ahead and draw
a fever workup.

Draw a seltzer for a pre
and post‐gentamicin level

with the 11 o'clock dose.

Hey, how's it going?

Um, we seem
to be rather busy.

But I've got a great little
intern helping me out.

Dale, listen, um.

It's 10:30 and you're not even
on so sign out the scut.

That's what
the on‐call team is for.

Unless you have
a problem with that.

That's fine.

You ready?

Give me, um, ten minutes
to get back into my costume.

Oh, God. You're really gonna
wear that thing, huh?

‐ Of course.
‐ Okay.

Listen, when you're ready
I'll be out front, okay?

Just tell me you wanted
to be an airline pilot.

Oh, please,
I don't even like

taking a puddle jumper
to Cleveland.

Hurry up.

This is police harassment!

Remember Rodney King!

Dr. G, here's your man.

He put up quite a fight.

Talking about it's Halloween

and how he's just
playing dress‐up.

(Lloyd)
'I am!'

Grabarsky,
that's the wrong guy.

"Lucky Liquor, big guy
in a hospital gown."

He kind of looks
like, uh..

‐ Jerry!
‐ Lloyd.

[laughs]

‐ What are you doing here?
‐ Who's Lloyd?

I'm that knucklehead's cousin.

Who knew they could hit
the genetic power ball twice?

Jerry.

Well...see,
he needed a costume

and there's a big contest
at the "Elks Lodge.."

I won an
"honorable mention," cuz.

Congratulations.

[laughing]

Need anything else, Doug?

Other than a 48‐hour day?

I'm going to take off then.
See you bright and early.

‐ Mmm, bright and early.
‐ Yep.

Hey, Doug, you did
a nice job today.

'Not bad
for a rookie attending.'

Well, let's see how
you do with these.

What's that?

The overflow charts for the

pediatric patients
we saw in the main ER.

According to policy,
you need to sign off on them.

[chuckles]

You're loving this,
aren't you?

This "Pedes ER" isn't
such a bad idea after all.

Happy Halloween, rookie.

Branch Crockett and Willie
Goldman, ages 22 and 23.

Mixed overdose
of alcohol and GHB.

Willie is, uh, intubated
from a respiratory arrest.

Branch came back with epi
after a full arrest.

What? A little
late‐night club‐hopping?

No. Med school
Halloween party.

Hmm.

Alright, everybody,
on my count.

One, two, three.

CBC, ABG,
lytes, blood alcohol

tox screen and a 12‐lead.

Stephanie, call
respiratory for a vent.

Someone should
call his parents.

‐ Lucy can do that.
‐ I want to help.

You're drunk.

'You don't belong
in here.'

Now, get out.

[instrumental music]

Peter, have you gone
completely balmy?

[laughing]

Just getting funky.

[laughs]

Hey. Meet my nephew, Peanut.

‐ Nice to meet you.
‐ Hello.

‐ It's a hayride!
‐ Yes, it's a hayride.

‐ So, where to, Uncle Pete?
‐ Michigan ave.

Hey, pop that eight‐track in.

Solid.

[Isaac Hayes
singing "Shaft"]

You don't get it.

You never figured out
who I wanted to be as a kid.

Oh, my God!

Shaft.

[chuckles]

John Shaft.

[laughing]

Hey, Dr. Weaver.

Off to enjoy
"All Hallow's Eve?"

Actually, I am. I just wanted
to give you this bill.

$289?

Yeah, you're lucky the
wheelchair came back undamaged.

It could have been
a lot worse.

Dr. Weaver, I don't
have 300 bucks.

Well, that's why I've arranged
to have it taken

out of your paycheck.

$28.90 a week
for the next ten weeks.

That'll run right into
the "holiday buying season."

‐ Kerry, you got a second?
‐ Yeah, what's going on?

Uh, I want to give you a
head's up on the committee vote.

Well, that's not supposed
to be announced

until tomorrow morning.

Well, they've
tallied it already

and they voted for Litvak.

Oh.

They're gonna to have
to widen the office door

for his swollen head.

Yeah, he's kind of
an ass, isn't he?

Well, if it means anything,
I voted for you.

Thanks, Mark.

Which paycheck
does this become effective?

You know what?

It doesn't.

‐ Are you serious?
‐ I'm dead serious.

Give your cousin
a wheelchair.

Give your maiden aunt
a rapid infuser.

I don't give a damn.

You're getting obsessive
over this.

Did I just hand
you Angiocaths?

Yeah, a gross.

Uh, what's a gross?

144, and you did.

‐ Are you listening to me?
‐ Yes, I am.

All work and no play makes Doug
a dull boy. Now, look at this.

I just ordered three cases
of "Pedialyte."

This is "Pediazole."

This has got to be..
Ow!

‐ Oh!
‐ Doug, you alright?

Oh, my God!
Hold it, hold it!

Put pressure on it!

[Doug moans]

You bastard.

Oh, you can dish it out,
you can't take it, huh?

‐ Oh. Oh, you know‐‐
‐ Payback is a bitch, isn't it?

You suck. Get away
from me, you suck.

Good evening. Come here,
I want to suck your blood.

No, I'm not...no, no.
I'm not kissing back.

[chuckles]

[Carter scoffs]

Hey, Dr. Carter.

Lucy.

'How are they?'

They'll be fine.

I don't know
what happened.

'One second, we were hanging
out and the next..'

What happened was two of your
classmates almost died tonight.

I didn't know
they were doing "GHB."

Well, you were in charge
of the party.

I broke it up when things
got out of hand

and you continued to party.

Two guys rolled out
of here on gurneys.

Uh...did I miss anything?

The part about me not being
able to police everyone.

And the part about you being
the resident advisor

and the one in charge.

Ah, you're right, Lucy.

You know what?
I'm in charge.

And it was stupid of me
to think that

you were mature enough
to take responsibility.

[Isaac Hayes
singing "Shaft"]

♪ Who's the cat
that won't cop out ♪

♪ When there's danger
all about ♪

♪ Shaft ♪

♪ Right on ♪

♪ They say this cat Shaft
is a bad mother.. ♪

♪ Shut your mouth ♪

♪ But I'm talkin'
'bout shaft ♪

♪ We can dig it ♪

♪ He's a complicated man ♪

♪ But no one understands
him but his woman ♪

♪ John Shaft ♪

I never knew
you didn't have rhythm.

[giggling]

Come on, baby. You're messing up
one of the greatest songs.

Here we go.
What is that?

‐ It's my tambourine.
‐ That's a tambourine?

'Come on, come on, come on.'

'Get some rhythm in here.'

[theme music]