ER (1994–2009): Season 11, Episode 14 - Just as I Am - full transcript

Previously on ER...

Who's that?

LEWIS:
Med student.

Jane, why didn't you
say anything?

No one listens to me.

No one even remembers
I was in the room.

Third year resident, I've
been ordering my own scans

since I been here.
What's that about?

It's about me
making the rules.

Come on, that's stupid.

Congratulations, Jake.



Your ER rotation
is officially over.

Good evening.

Can I help you?

Room 415?

End of the hall.

Helen?

Helen, it's Kerry.

I don't want to leave it
like this.

The things that we said...

Is this how you
want to leave it?

If it is, tell me,
and I'll go away...

like we never even met.

I heard it was
supposed to be sunny

and slightly warmer today.



I heard "partly cloudy,
chance of rain."

Winter.

Did you know
that most snowflakes

are less than
one-half inch across?

Uh, no, I didn't...

Do you know
why they're white?

The complex structure
of snow crystals

results in countless
tiny surfaces

from which visible light
is efficiently reflected.

What little sunlight
is absorbed

is absorbed uniformly
over the visible wavelengths

thus giving snow
its white appearance.

What's wrong with you?
( laughs )

Alex had a school report.

Luka and I got
kind of into it.

Yeah, guess so.

Excuse me...

Do you know how much longer
I'll have to wait?

Ooh, that's nasty.

One of the other skaters
ripped into me.

This morning?

Skating club.

We only get the ice
from 5:30 to 7:00.

We'll get you checked in
in a couple of
minutes, okay?

Thanks.

Ugh, winter.

So it's already an
every-night kind of thing?

Since he started his
surgical rotation, yeah.

Dubenko's working him
pretty hard,

and my place is closer
to the hospital.

Oh, I see, so sleeping over
is basically a convenience.

No, we do like
each other.

And, do you know, his
real name isn't Jake,

it's George?

It's actually kind
of a funny story.

I mean, it's not funny-
funny, but it's... sorry.

Tibial plateau fracture,
ortho's taking to the OR.

Make sure he's NPO.
Got it.

Cellulitis following cat bite,
admit to medicine.

Already did.

Antibiotics on board?

Three grams of unasyn.

DKA on an insulin drip,
going up to the ICU.

Last glucose?

534. And they just brought
back a 60-year-old lady,

Pick's Disease
with agitation.

I'm officially
out of here.

Thank you, Luka.

Hasta la vista,
suckers.
Dr. Barnett.

Ray, when you get home,
take the back stairs,

front ones are kind of frozen.

You didn't shovel?

You're kidding, right?

Oh, and the kitchen window,

I couldn't get it
to close all the way.

Meaning?

Meaning there's snow
in the kitchen.

Bit of a build-up,
actually, so you
might want to try

turning the oven on
and leaving the door open.

So it'll melt.

It's just a suggestion.

She used to be my roommate.

WEAVER:
Shall we get back
to medicine here?

Atypical chest pain
waiting on a second troponin.

I'll take it.
How come Weaver's on?

How come Weaver's on?

She does two shifts a month
to keep up her skills,

to stay in touch with
the needs of the department.

Our lucky day.

Teenage ice skater
bleeding like a stuck pig

out in the waiting area.

Frank, let's get
a wheelchair.

Okay.
Someone might want

to grab the trauma
at the back door.

Carter, take Neela with you
on that chest pain.

Susan, 50-something woman,
dyspnea, curtain four.

Abby, Jane, you're with me.

Must be awkward for Dr. Lewis,

being chief, then having
Dr. Weaver back.

What, are you kidding?

Weaver comes in, takes
charge, runs all the cases.

Lewis loves it.
It's like having a day off.

Not so, however,
for the rest of us.

Altercation at someone's

all-night-turned-out-badly
birthday party.

Good morning, Dr. Pratt.

Yeah, half an inch of snow
and traffic grinds to a halt.

Multiple stab wounds
to the back with
a screwdriver.

You think he
dropped a lung?
Probably not,

sats are 100.

Abby and I have
got this one.

There's a woman there
with Pick's Disease.

Why don't you grab that.

Oh, and take Jane with you.

It's a good
teaching case.

I'm sure Jane has seen
more than her share

of combative patients
with dementia.

But not with you
as her teacher.

Have you, Jane?

You could start by
reviewing

the key elements
of the history,

physical, genetics,
differences from Alzheimer's.

Okay, okay, we're on it.

If it's any consolation,

I'm a blank slate when
it comes to Pick's Disease.

I know we studied it
maybe first year.

No, I think
it was second year.

No, it was first year.

What did she say
about Alzheimer's?

Man, talk about your
short-term memory loss.

Lousy son-of-a...

I'll get a piece,
you stupid fat piece of sh...

Nice language.
Equal breath sounds.

Pulse ox 98.
First hemocue?

13.8.

Okay, let's roll him.

We're going to roll you
onto your side, sir.

No head injury.

Guess he's
sleeping it off.

Regular or Phillips head?

What?

Stabbed with a
screwdriver, right?

Yes. At least 20 wounds,
all superficial.

I'd say regular.

Sonosite.

Mr. Scanlon, what
is Hamman's sign?
Uh...

A crunching sound heard
with pneumomediastinum,

listen for it.

TAGGART:
X-ray's back.

What is normal
intrapleural pressure?

Negative...

Negative ten to 12 millimeters
of mercury.

And what's the intra-alveolar
pressure?

Fluctuates.

Minus three with inspiration,
plus three with expiration.

So, Jake, tell me:

How does this poor guy
end up with a pneumothorax?

Penetrating trauma allows air
to enter the pleural space,

raising the pressure,
collapsing the alveoli.

Well done, Mr. Scanlon.

Fantastic.

BP 124/82.

Let's get him a floor bed.

He needs the ICU.
He's stable.

No, the guy's Swiss cheese.
He needs close observation.

We'll never get an ICU bed.

He doesn't need one,

no pneumo, his crit
and vitals are stable,

no blood in
the pericardium
or Morrison's.

He could have an occult
solid organ injury

or a delayed pneumothorax.

Are you going
to bludgeon us

with the differential?

Occasionally,
I can be thorough.

How about a tele admit?

Maybe after four hours.

Four hours?

Uh, Kerry,
that lady with dyspnea,

Sharon Williams,

she's asking for you.

Said she here before,
you were her doc.

Okay. This "Swiss cheese"
is stable.

Let's get him admitted
to a med-surg bed

and don't listen to any of
Dr. Dubenko's suggestions.

So, Dr. Lewis...

Don't start.

Oh, okay.
No problem.

We humble surgical servants

shall leave this
in your capable hands.

Uh, Jake...
do not move

Mr. Screwdriver
without a foley,

an NG, three crits and
a four-hour chest film.

Oh, and suture
all the lacs.

All 20 of them?

Oh, yeah.

Sharon Williams, BP 124/70,

pulse ox 90.

No history of asthma
or emphysema.

Thanks, Haleh.
Sharon Williams?

You're Dr. Weaver?

I'm sorry, of course
you're Dr. Weaver.

You were in once before?

Yes.
And when was that?

Oh, God, let me think.

I don't know,
I can't quite remember.

You know, I'm actually
feeling much better now.

I probably didn't
need to come in.

Well, as long as you did...

Well, I don't...

This whole thing
is silly.

I don't know
what I was thinking.

I'm much better,
I'm breathing fine.

Why don't you
let me examine you

and we'll make sure of that.

Okay, you said you experienced
shortness of breath?

Yes.

Any cough or fever?
No.

Have you had any
prolonged periods
of immobilization

like a plane or car trip?

No.

Lungs sound good,
oxygen level is fine.

We'll check a few tests
and see what's going on.

Haleh, EKG, PA and
lateral chest, D-dimer.

Sure.

And I'll be back
to check on you later.

Dr. Weaver.

Yeah?

Is there something
you need?

No, no.

Well, yes...

It's not really
important.

What's not important?

Well, I was wondering,

the daughter
of a friend of mine

is thinking about
medical school.

Do you like
what you do?

Very much.

Did you always want
to be a doctor?

From when I was a little girl.

So you were lucky,
then, weren't you?

Getting the
opportunity to do it.

Ms. Williams,
is everything all right?

Oh, I'm fine, Kerry.

Really.

Thank you.

I don't want to take up
any more of your time.

Okay then.

Sharon Williams,

let's pull up her records
from the last time she was in.

Sure.

Can you wiggle
your fingers?

Can you wiggle
your fingers?

Why don't you just
give it a try for me?

Why don't you just
give it a try for me.

Charlotte,

Charlotte, the dinner party.

The dinner party,
they're going to be here early.

It's okay, Mom.

What are we going to do?
It's okay.
Mom, it's okay.

5:30 this morning
I hear her

crashing around
in the kitchen.

You got a bathroom
around here?

Chuny...
Mrs. Devon, you
can come with me.

You can come with me.

With me.

There is no
dinner party.

She was in the kitchen.

She thought she was
cutting chicken...

she was cutting her own hand.

Well, we're gonna take
care of that.

When did her symptoms start?

Two years ago.

She was only 58.

We've been able to keep
her at home, but now

I've got three kids.

What am I supposed to do?

WEAVER:
Labs back yet
on that syncope?

No. still waiting.

Call them again
and ask nicely.

"Nicely"? We're never nicely.

Pratt, Pick's Disease?

Jane?

Uh, similarities
with Alzheimer's,

but with an earlier
age of onset

and a faster progression
of symptoms.

Mainly causes damage

to the frontal lobes
of the brain

resulting in disinhibition.

Patient can be extremely
rude, which we have seen,

and then can become
extremely loving,

which we have not seen.

Uh, often has a tendency

to repeat statements
spoken to them,

you know, but I'd actually
say it's a bit more...

Thank you, Jane.
Good job, good job.

Yes, and let me see--

was that Dr. Pratt's
extremely efficient teaching

or was it...

"eMedicine."

She learned about it,
didn't she?

She learned the facts,

not necessarily how to handle
the patients or the family.

Yeah, but she will.
The woman's got
some lacerations.

We're going to suture her as
soon as the Ativan kicks in.

Dr. Pratt said that...

What about the family?

The daughter's trying to line
up a skilled nursing facility.

You should help her with that.

Isn't that
a social worker thing?

Just dive in.

See what you can do.

Hey, Sam, did that
screwdriver stabbing guy

get sent upstairs yet?

Uh, well, Dr. Dubenko
wanted a few things
taken care of first.

In what possible universe

would I say the words,
"Let's polka"?

I'm telling you, in
your sleep two nights ago.

Look, I'm not making
this up.

You don't think
I was surprised?

I don't talk in my sleep.

How do you know?

Even if I did,
I wouldn't say "polka."

I wouldn't even say "dance."
I don't dance.

I mean, maybe once when
I was a kid I did the limbo.

Yeah, maybe that was it.

Maybe it was the limbo.

Ah, see? And you're
making it up.

( both laughing )

I'm sorry!

Dr. Lockhart.

Mr. Scanlon.

Kerry.

Dr. Weaver.

...um, mixing up
some Ancef.

I'm just gathering
up supplies, so...

I thought you were
gathering up

a med-surg bed for the guy
with holes in his back.

I'd like very much
to do that.

Dr. Weaver. That patient,
Sharon Williams?

There's no record of
her being here before.

I asked her about it

and she got pretty nervous.
Wants to leave AMA.

Now?
Yeah.

"Gathering supplies"?

Yeah. I know. Okay. I know.

Excuse me. Uh, that
woman who was here.

Did you see her leave?

Yeah, just now.

Kind of bolted.

You want me to try
and catch her?

Ms. Williams.

Please wait.

Your test results
aren't back yet.

I don't need 'em.

It shouldn't be
much longer.

I don't need 'em.

You could have
a blood clot in the lung

or fluid around
your heart.

Stop, please.

I don't have any
of those things,

There's nothing
wrong with me.

I don't understand.

I've never been
to this hospital before.

My name's not
Sharon Williams.

It's... Helen Kingsley.

I'm your mother.

WEAVER:
Who'd you say, Kovac?

Yeah. His wanting Saturday off
is potentially a problem.

Well, however
you want to handle it.

Kerry, they can take
Sharon Williams

for her chest x-ray now.

That won't be necessary.

You can cancel
her labs, too.

Cancel all of it?

Yeah.
Kerry, about earlier...

Susan, could you follow up
on this migraine in Two?

I know we were supposed to take
the screwdriver guy upstairs.

Don't worry about it.

Dubenko wanted serial
crits and the UA

showed 10 red cells.

Do we need to work that up?

That's probably just
from the foley.

So he doesn't need a CT?

Frank, I'm gonna take a break.

What?!

"Break"?

Well... they say it isn't
good for your arteries.

I guess you'd
know about that.

But I like it anyway.

How did you find me?

The letter you sent.

But that was four years ago.

Why-Why all this pretense?

Why didn't you
just write back?

I wanted to see you first.

That poor little
ice skater girl.

Her leg looked awful.

She's young. She'll heal.

What you do,
it's so important.

I guess I was scared.

I'm here in Chicago

for a week, so...

You're still in Indiana?

Terre Haute.

That's next door.

You could've been
to Chicago a hundred times.

I'm sorry.

I looked for you.

I hired an investigator.

I finally found
the right address,

you knew where I was and,
still, you waited so long?

I can't explain it.

I know it wasn't fair.

I'm truly,
truly sorry.
Oh, plea... please.

Please. Don't go yet.

So, um... have you
always lived in Indiana?

South Carolina, originally.

I'm here in Chicago
with my choir.

Your choir?

There's a Christ Crusade

and we were chosen to sing
in the festival chorus.

That... that sounds
like quite an honor.

When's the concert?

Tomorrow afternoon,

Community Baptist
on Dearborn.

Oh... as a matter of fact,

they're going to be
looking for me.

We've got a rehearsal.

Um...

I'd like to talk
to you again, Kerry.

If you want to, that is.

Yeah, I would.

So I can call you
after I'm done?

Do you have the number
of the hospital?

No.

Just wait one second.

There's a separate number

for the ER.

Uh... one second.

Here you go.
There you are.

So you'll call.

In a couple of hours.

Great.

Pressure's only 72 palp.

Left pupil
is 6 millimeters

and sluggish.

Hang 80
of mannitol.

Multiple rib fractures
with sub q air.

Glove up for a chest tube.

So, our drunk vs. screwdriver
is having some more trouble?

This isn't the screwdriver guy.

Oh, I heard he was still down
here, so naturally I assumed

there was some
emergent situation.

No. This would be
the motorcycle vs. tree guy.

Blunt head, chest...

Looks like a fractured spleen.

Mr. Scanlon, your
patient's bleeding

in the head and belly.
What's your plan?

Uh... quick head CT before going
to the OR for an exlap.

Good call if you want him
to bleed out in the scanner.

Betadine and steri-drape.

What's the Monroe-Kelly
hypothesis?

Uh, I don't know.

Abby?

I don't know.

CPP equals MAP minus ICP.

Cerebral Perfusion Pressure
equals Mean Arterial Pressure

minus Intracranial Pressure.

Spleen's a bigger threat
to the MAP.

Two units on the infuser.

Guidewire's ready.

Stop what
you're doing.

Have you even read
about this procedure?

I supervised Jake putting
in a chest tube last week.

Oh, good. Because
I'm sure you told him

you always insert a gloved
finger and feel lung tissue

before...

before inserting the tube.

Why is that, Mr. Scanlon?

Uh...

First, to break up
any adhesions.

Second, if there is a
diaphragmatic injury,

you could be in the abdominal
cavity and chest tubes

don't work very well
in the stomach.

Line is primed.

Kerry, I think we can
take this from here.

Uh... yes, I'm sure you can.

That was fun.

Would you like to tell me

why she's so pissed off
at the two of you?

Man, and I thought
I knew how to pimp.

When did your
neck pain start?

Came in from
Cleveland yesterday

to help my brother move.

I was lifting a chair.

She had an MRI
last year--

three slipped disks
in her neck.

Any neuro findings?

Motor and sensory intact.

The pain goes down into her
arm, though. Don't forget that.

NEELA:
I was going to order
some morphine.

PATIENT:
Makes me sick
to my stomach.

HUSBAND:
Demerol's the only thing that
works when she gets like this.

We could try Toradol.

Allergic.

Demerol.

Okay, we will be right back.

Neck pain with radiculopathy

consistent with herniated
disk syndrome.

Allergic to Toradol--

she may as well have told us
she's a Demerol addict.

We have no objective test
for pain.

Shouldn't we err on the side
of believing her?

Give her the Demerol
and get her out the door.

See what I mean?

She's on every case.

Looks good.

Did Dr. Pratt show the
two-layer repair?

Where is Dr. Pratt?

I think he's looking
for supplies.

Looking for supplies.

Didn't this woman have
her daughter with her?

That's where he is.

He's, uh, with the daughter.

He's helping her locate

a skilled
nursing facility.

CVP is 10, MAP is 80

and we're transfusing
to an SCV O2 of 70.

Once the crit is 30,
consider dopamine.

Dr. Pratt, is there some
good reason

why you've left your
student unsupervised?

Other patients?

Look, I've got a 75-year-old
man with urosepsis,

a woman in pulmonary edema

and a kid with anaphylaxis
from a peanut allergy.

And "my student" should
be supervised by an intern.

Except that I asked
you to do it.

You've got to stay
on these residents.

Dr. Pratt isn't the problem.

You know that break
you took?

You may want
to take another one.

Frank, have I gotten
any calls?

Nope.

You've been here
the whole time?

Yep.

I'm going out.

Carter, would you
take over

this bowel obstruction
in Four...

Retinoschisis in Two...

Mr. Langstaff with pyleo,

he's waiting
on an admit to medicine.

A 72 year-old female
with nausea

and I need an LP
on the fever in Six.

You're signing
out a spinal tap?

So much for every case.

( choir crooning harmonies )

( choir continues )

* Just as I am

* Without one plea

* But that Thy blood
was shed for me *

* And that Thou bidst
me come to Thee *

* O lamb of God

* I come

* I come.

Thank you.

Thanks, Ann.

( all talking at once )

Has it already
been two hours?

I, I just thought I'd catch
some of the rehearsal.

It was beautiful.

It stopped snowing.

I gotta get my coat.

Seems like a lot of people
brought their families.

I have two children--
two other children.

Carl's 26. He
does something

with the county court system
that I don't understand,

and Lorie's a year
out of college.

Free spirit,
bouncing around.

And I'm... divorced.

I always had
this image of you

living somewhere with this
happily-ever-after family.

Ending the marriage was more
difficult than I imagined.

The church saved me,
gave me back my life.

Except for that
part of my life

that's taken up
with my business.

I own an auto parts store.

That's unusual.

I know. Nobody
can quite believe it.

But it was part of the
divorce settlement.

Oh.

Thank you.

Why do you need it?

You don't know?

Uh, congenital
hip dysplasia.

In common parlance,

it's a birth defect.

Birth defect?

Yes.

Something I gave you.

Well, well, there's really

no way to know.

It's not that clear-cut.

Helen?

I was thinking about
what you said,

about how I could've
been in Chicago

a hundred times,
why this time?

I think it's because
I just recently

got the news that
your daddy died.

Oh, no, my father
died years ago.

That's not who I mean.

Your other father.

His name was Cody Boone.

Should've been a character
in some old Western TV show.

We were 15.

Well, I was almost 15.

And that was in South Carolina?

Myrtle Beach.

My daddy had a
miniature golf course.

Cody worked there after school.

So what happened?

Nothing fancy.

I got pregnant.

All the parents pitched
a fit, and rightfully so.

And abortion wasn't legal.

Oh, I never would
have done that.

Back then they had these homes
for girls in my condition.

There was one up in Indiana
where my aunt lived,

so they sent me up there.

That's where you were born.

Did you ever want to keep me?

Oh, of course.

Cody and I had a whole plan.

He was gonna quit school,

get work.

There was a room over
his parents' garage

where we could live...

but in the end,

you're 14, 15,
you got no money.

So.

I came to believe
that the best thing for you

would be to be with people
who could care for you

and do things for you.

It was true, right?

I don't know.

Well, what
I mean is...

I know what you mean.

I had two
loving parents.

I was happy,

but even with that, it somehow
always... felt like rejection.

Does that make sense?

They took you so fast.

I never held you.

I never
even saw you,

and nobody ever told me
anything about the birth defect.

When I was a little girl,
I used to wonder

if that's why I was given away--

not quite perfect.

All Jesus' children are perfect.

An-and my father, Cody,
he nev... he didn't go with you?

I never saw him again.

Ever?

But when you
heard he'd died...

Kinda pushed a
button, huh?

I guess I'd always

thought about him
over the years...

although not as much as
I thought about you.

( beeping )

Oh.

That would be work.

She's concerned,
and so am I.

I understand,
Mr. Bulowski.

The pain is still
in her neck.

And still in my arm.

Yes, I understand
that, too.

I thought that you were
going to help her.

Dr. Rasgotra?

Excuse me.

Mrs. Bulowski complained
that she was still in pain.

And you explained
to her that she

had already had her Demerol?

So she suckered
you into a second shot.

Well, one could look
at it that way.

Jerry, I'm back!

I didn't even know
you'd been gone.

Uh, Kerry, I hope
you don't take this

the wrong way but when
I said to take a break,

I didn't mean
it literally.

I didn't think I'd
be gone so long.

We're getting
slammed here.

Morris is out sick.

We're boarding ten
ICU patients.

We've got charts
in the rack for four hours,

12 patients on the board,
and we're 50 behind in triage.

You're back.
Yes.

Are you
going out again?
Yes.

Yes?
I irrigated

the obnoxious bald
guy with the head lac.

Got moved into Trauma Two.

I can take
that, Susan.

Okay. Thank you.

ABBY:
I don't know.

I don't understand.

JAKE:
Well, after I
explain, you will.

Dr. Weaver.
Kerry.

I was looking for some obnoxious
bald guy who needs suturing?

Yeah, he was
here, but...

We put him
next door.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Do you work here?

My head is throbbing,
throbbing,

throbbing.
No one will

even give me
an aspirin. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What the hell
is going on?!

Mr. Screwdriver, so
nice to see you again.

Okay, Kerry...

I-I, I take
full responsibility

for this patient
still being in the ER.

You don't think Dr. Dubenko
deserves just a soupçon of that?

He ordered an NG, a foley,
three serial crits

and a four-hour chest film.

I hear everything,
Mr. Scanlon.

She pretty much does.

So, do we have some hope

that this gentleman
will be sent upstairs

in, let's say-- our lifetime?

Ten minutes.

Thank you, and when you're done
with him, do the guy next door.

Does she have multiple
personalities?

You're not on, bro.

No, Dr. Morris has
failed to be on.

I was rather
unceremoniously

told to bring my ass
back in here.

Have you seen
Neela or Carter?

No.

Dr. Barnett, you
got your first case.

The well-fed, well-drugged
Bulowskis in Curtain Two.

Review the chart and
kick their asses out of here.

JANE:
They're both
good facilities.

Locked doors so
patients can't wander,

and the nursing staffs
are specially trained

in handling
dementia patients.

Thank you so much.

Jane?

Uh... Mrs. Devon's daughter,
the Pick's disease.

I was going over some of the
nursing facilities with her.

And Dr. Pratt, is
he even remotely

involved with this
patient anymore?

Yeah. We're
swamped, you know.

One of the docs
is out sick,

so he's been
really busy,

but he's involved. Sort of.

Wow. Wound edges
are everted nicely.

Excellent approximation.

Jane does good work.

Were you waiting on
a Unasyn piggyback?

Yeah, thanks, Haleh.

Don't worry, I got this.

Okay. Okay, I get it,
Mrs. Devon, but please,

do not play with
the Kleenex box, all right?

All right.

You know what?

4:30 and it's already dark.

Winter.

You really are
leaving, aren't you?

You know that patient
who was here this morning,

Sharon Williams?

Yeah.

She wasn't really
a patient.

Yeah?

Do you remember when I was
looking for my birth mother?

Oh, my God. You found her?

She found me.

Kerry...

Oh, I'm so happy for you.

Is it weird?

There's a lot to take in.

I mean, there are certain things
that she's told me, and...

there are a lot of things
I still have to tell her.

I gotta go.

I'm going to go home
and change, and, uh,

I'm gonna go have some dinner.

Well, yeah. Don't worry about
this place. We'll be fine.

I'll try to stop by later.

Susan, thanks.

You said you
had pictures

of some relatives?

I want to hear
about Africa.

Okay, we lived there
when I was little.

The adoption people
said the family,

your family,
were involved in the church.

Were they actually
missionaries?

More like wannabe
missionaries.

My-my mom worked to
set up new schools

and my dad was
a civil engineer.

He taught me how
to build a canal,

not that I've had
much use for that.

Well, did you like
living over there?

I was different simply
for being white.

No one seemed to even
notice the crutch,

and then... my parents

were older.

Their health wasn't so great,

so we moved back
to Minneapolis

when I was 12, and
they both passed away

when I was in college.

So they never got to see
you become a doctor?

Mm-mm.
Oh.

They would have been
so proud of you.

I'm proud of you.

My biggest regret is that

they never got to
meet their grandson.

You have a family?

Uh, my son... Henry.

He's named after my dad.

There he is.

Oh, my heavens,

what a little doll.
13 months.

Oh, that's a handful.

Between him
and a full-time job,

no wonder you need a nanny.

Is your husband a doctor, too?

I'm alone now.
There was an accident.

Oh, my God, Kerry.

I'm so sorry.

Was it recent?

Last year.

Oh, Kerry. My dear Kerry.

We are tested,
but the Lord gives us strength.

I can only imagine
how difficult this has been.

But you have
to have faith.

Paul wrote

in Romans 8:

"I am convinced
that neither death nor life,

"nor angels nor rulers,

"nor things present,
nor things to come

"can separate us
from the love of God

in Christ Jesus, our Lord."

( sighs )

( taking deep breaths )

Are you waiting?

What?

Oh, no, go ahead.

( sighs )

This is my Uncle Jackson.

Loved stealing cars.

Just had
a real passion for it.

Do you have any pictures
of my father?

Just one.

When I was away

in Indiana, Cody drove
all the way up to see me.

Didn't even have
a license yet.

For the life of me,
I don't know

what we thought
we had to smile about.

This is my family, Helen.

This woman's name
is Sandy Lopez,

and she's not my nanny.

She was my partner.

Your partner.

My lover, my wife.

The mother of my child.

She was a firefighter,

and she died last year.

You're gay?

Yes.

I wanted to tell you earlier,
but I was afraid.

My mom and dad died before
I came to accept it,

so I never got a chance
to tell them.

Uh...

uh, so they never knew
you made this choice.

It's not a choice.

It's who I am,
who I was born as.

Will you pray with me?

No. No. I am not
gonna do this.

Kerry, please...

Kerry...

HELEN:
I didn't mean to offend you.

I was just so glad
to find you.

And my being gay
changes that?

This is who I am.
It's wrong, Kerry.

I knew this was a mistake.
It's not what
God created.

Why are people like you
always saying things like that?

Why are people like you

so dismissive of
people of faith?

Because you have no faith

that God knew
what he was doing,

that God created me, too.

God did create you
and He loves you.

What is it about us
that is so much more threatening

than all the really terrible
things in the world?

Don't dismiss me
so easily, Kerry.
People are starving,

people are being shot at,

men are flying planes
into buildings,

yet the faithful are saying,
"Watch out for those lesbians,

they're gonna destroy
our God-gifted lives."

Well, the world
isn't perfect, it's
what we make it.

You just finished telling me
how perfect it was.

That neither life nor death,
angels nor rulers

can separate us
from the love of God

in Christ Jesus, our Lord.

I know the words, Helen,
I was raised in the church.

Then you know it's
healing mission.

Except that the welcome sign's
not out for everyone, is it?

Do you hate all faith?

No. No, of course not.

I hate that my own faith
now excludes me,

tries to tell me I'm a sinner
because of the people I love.

It's the people
you've chosen to love.

I have made a choice:

to stop living a lie
about who I am.

I was alone in my soul.

Do you know
what that feels like?

My... my hotel's nearby.

I think I'll walk.

They won't budge.
And I called Cleveland Memorial.

She goes there twice a week
asking for Demerol.

She's in their
turkey files.

We're not gonna cure her habit
by denying her drugs today.

Just kick her out, please?
Weaver's gonna be pissed.

Watch and learn.

Mrs. Bulowski...

I understand you're still
experiencing some pain.

It's better, but I think

one more shot of Demerol
would really do it.

You've already
had two.
Hey.

CARTER:
Well, the problem is,
is that

when you use it regularly,
as... I think that you do,

it doesn't work as well,

and you can grow
dependent on it.

Are you saying that my wife
is some kind of drug addict?

You don't know
what real pain is.

I'm not sure that's really fair.

MR. BULOWSKI:
What do you know
about fair?

Mr. Bulowski.
You think it's fair

that my wife has
this kind of pain?

You said you would
bring her another shot,
and you never came back.

Mr. Bulowski...
I'm not talking to you!

Jerry, call Security.

You like stringing
people along, is that it?

Okay, you need to...

Will you get the
hell away from me?!

( grunting )

RAY:
Come on!

( Mrs. Bulowski grunting )

Get him off of me!

Beth! Come on, Beth!
Where the hell are you?

Beth! Beth!
Get him off of me, Beth!

( bedpan clangs )

( panicked shouts continue )

What the hell am I doing?

( grunting )

Who's winning?

Neela was about to deck
somebody with a bedpan.

JERRY:
I've always wanted to see
something like that.

Hard to let go of a
dream, isn't it, Jerry?

So, are we under control?

Yeah, I'd say so.

Thought you were gone
for the day.

Yeah. Me, too.

Charlotte? Charlotte?

It's okay, she's gonna be
right back, Mrs. Devon.

Hey, where's her daughter?

She had to pick up
her kids.

What's she doing?
Is the roast...

is the roast going
to be ready?
Don't worry,

the roast is gonna be
just fine, okay?

She's folding napkins
for her dinner party.

The literature says that,
generally, you shouldn't play

into this kind
of delusional thinking,

but I don't really
get the point of that
in this case, do you?

You got this?

I think so.

Dr. Weaver.

What's going on with
the Pick's Disease?

Found a bed
for her tonight.

Her daughter managed
a placement,

but they won't be able
to take her till tomorrow.

Thanks.
Hey, I just wanted you
to know that, um,

I'm willing to have Jane
assigned to me anytime.

I'll bet. She's good.

( chuckles ):
Yeah, no kidding.

Hey, so, did you hear?

They're bringing in
a fisherman vs. horse.

Vs. horse?
Yeah, I know.

You'd think
it'd be vs. fish,

which doesn't make sense,
either, but...
Go.

Hey, Kerry.

Hey. Aren't you in
a little early?

An hour. But with Sam on days
and me on nights,

we're just trying to steal
a moment when we can.

Have a good night.

Thanks.

Good evening.

Can I help you?

Helen?

Helen?

( muttering ):
That's the wrong...

They tell you
the coffee's free.

( chuckles ):
You just got to pay for
the room, that's all.

You think about a day like this
for a long time.

You play out every scenario
in your head.

Except for this one.

Is it because
I gave you up?

No. No, of course not.

Is it because
I didn't come looking for you

for so many years?

You don't get to paint
the whole picture
yourself, Helen.

Feel guilty because
you gave up a child,
and then...

get all warm and
fuzzy because it
turned out all right:

she had a good family,
became a doctor.

If you're disappointed,
it should be

with the limitations
of your faith,

not in the way
that I've lived my life.

I gave birth to a child
who I abandoned.

For all the right reasons,
they told me.

But I thought about you.

And I came to realize

that by giving you up,

I'd broken my own heart.

And faith is the only thing
that gave me hope.

Gave me courage.

I can't abandon it, too.

Can you accept me for who I am?

I can love you,

whoever you are.

I don't want love
without acceptance.

It was so good
to finally meet you.

( choir crooning harmonies )