Duncanville (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Fridgy - full transcript
The family gets a smart fridge that makes Annie feel replaced - and is from an appliance company with questionable motives.
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
[boy laughs]
Ooh! [growls]
- KIMBERLY: Mommy!
- DUNCAN: Raaaah!
- ANNIE: Duncan!
- JACK: Duncan!
♪
Yo, don't forget your papers
are due Monday
about your favorite war,
and don't just plagiarize Wikipedia.
- Rearrange...
- ALL: Every fourth word.
I'm doing the Korean War.
What wars are you guys doing?
- Star.
- Storage.
- Cupcake.
- YANGZI: Twitter.
Nicki Minaj versus Cardi B.
ALL: Never forget.
How is this
a Blue Ribbon school?
Oh, it's not.
I just wrote that on the door
when my girlfriend
came to visit.
[bell rings]
Okay, class dismissed.
[phones clicking]
Class dismissed!
[phones clicking]
[phone chiming]
[all cheer]
And this little piggy
went "wee-wee-wee"
- all the way...
- [bell rings]
- We'll finish this tomorrow.
- Ah. What happened?
Come on!
WOMAN: She whacked him with
the ax over and over again,
but he refused to die.
She dragged him into
the kitchen, where he watched
as she shoved his leg
through a meat grinder.
Oh, my God.
Meat loaf for dinner
would be amazing.
[smooth music]
Mommy!
Where were you?
[grunts]
Drive before someone sees me.
Don't tell your teacher I told you,
but the pig was going
all the way home.
[giggles]
Good for him.
All right, let's hear
about everybody's day.
Who wants to go first?
Duncan?
Science teacher punched a kid.
How 'bout you, Dad?
How's life in Toilet Town?
Hey, what I pull out of toilets
puts food on this table.
- Somebody else talk. Annie.
- Okay, so I see this car
parked in a loading zone
with its flashers on,
but I wasn't fooled.
I pull out my ticket pad and...
[fridge clanging]
- Jack.
- On it. Keep talking.
Okay, so the guy claims
he was getting medicine
for his sick kid,
but my highly trained eye
notices that there's
no child seat in the back of...
[groaning]
I'm tired of competing
with that fridge, Jack.
You're not competing.
You have my undivided
attention,
so tell us what the doctor
said was wrong with your foot.
- It's after me again! Ahh!
- No, the fridge just loves you.
Get back here,
you son of a bitch!
Jack, that fridge is 20 years old.
- We need a new one.
- No, we don't.
This was the first appliance
we bought together.
It's part of the family.
Um, is the fridge
getting fatter?
It's probably just time
to change the baking soda.
- Ah!
- Ahh!
Uh-oh.
- Kids!
- [all straining]
- Ohh!
- [gasps] I'll never let go, Jack.
- I'll never replace the fridge.
- Ohh.
[somber music]
[slurping]
Don't fill up
on the fridge sludge.
Ooh, I spend so much time
on the street,
I forget buildings
have insides.
This barrel of guns
is only 35 bucks.
- Can I get some?
- If you mow the lawn and...
- Ugh, forget it.
- Oh, no. Heather.
I'm gonna be seen
shopping with my family.
Hmm?
Oh, no, Kimberly.
I'm gonna be seen
shopping with my family.
BOTH: I won't tell if you don't.
- Aaa...
- Wait, I can't see the appliances.
Put me on your shoulders, Jack.
[strains]
Okay, TVs, snow tires,
dubious optician,
loose koalas.
Appliances, bam.
Five clicks to the left
across from Cribs n' Caskets.
[gasps] Ooh.
Unlike ours, this one
actually has a light inside.
Ah, and it's cold!
Whoa, this one
has an ice maker.
Who cares? I like my ice
in a bag from the gas station.
Hi, I'm Janine. Are you
folks looking for a fridge?
Yes, it's been a while
since we purchased one.
What do you suggest, Janine?
Let me introduce you
to the high-tech fridge
of the future from Convee.
It has Wi-Fi
and a camera inside
so when you're at the store,
you can see if you're out of
milk or if food is expired.
- Food expires?
- It also has a color-coded calendar
and a message board
to leave each other notes.
Would you like to leave
a note on the fridge?
- We don't forget!
- Um, Dad, what day is soccer?
Tue-Sun-Thursday.
It's Friday.
I had to hitchhike home.
You can call an Uber
from the fridge.
[tires screech]
[beeping]
These demonstrations
affect my life, Janine.
- I want this fridge, Jack.
- Hang on.
We don't need all this
high-tech crap.
It just has to keep stuff cold
and proudly display
our magnet collection.
We've got two
from the Grand Canyon.
[beep]
[gasps] There it is!
Okay, Janine,
it has some cool features,
but I have an emotional bond
with our old fridge
that can never be broken.
That ponytail and "I don't
care what people think"
fashion sense tells me you're
a rocker, Jack. Am I right?
Well, I do hope I die
before I get old.
Check this out.
♪ I don't give a damn
about my bad reputation ♪
♪
♪ We have to get
this refrigeration ♪
♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪
We'll take it!
Wait, where's Jing?
JING: This crib has a roof!
ANNIE: [gasps]
[groaning]
Will you two watch your sister?
- Busy.
- Shh. Sleeping.
- Everybody out of the caskets!
- Aww. [grumbles]
You have to know
this is my nightmare.
[sad music]
Are you gonna be okay?
Yeah, Dad,
do you need any help?
Thanks, guys, but, uh,
his best friend should do it.
[engine rumbling, glass clinking]
[gun cocks]
[gunshot]
[ping]
[gun cocks]
[gunshot]
[dramatic music]
[all straining]
Oh, yeah, the kitchen
was definitely
the right room for it.
[powering on]
FEMALE VOICE: Hello, new
family. Time to name me.
- I got it. Fridgy.
- JACK: Whoa, whoa!
Let's all take a few minutes
and think about it.
ALL: Fridgy! Fridgy! Fridgy!
Yeah, we're not
gonna top that.
- What should we do for dinner?
- Oh, wow.
You can order right off
the fridge, Mom.
FRIDGY: May I suggest
a pizza party?
[all cheer]
I'll play music
while you pick your toppings.
♪ Let's design your pizza ♪
JACK: ♪ Ham and cheese ♪
FRIDGY: ♪ Guaranteed in 30 ♪
♪ Pepperoni, please ♪
FRIDGY: ♪ Meat stuffed crust
is brand-new ♪
We'll take two!
♪ Chocolate pudding,
French fries ♪
♪ I'm only five ♪
FRIDGY: Guitar solo.
I got this!
[imitating guitar]
FRIDGY: Sending order.
[ominous music]
We're in.
[both yawn]
FRIDGY: Good morning, Annie.
Good morning, Jack.
BOTH: Morning, Fridgy.
- FRIDGY: Did you sleep well?
- Actually, no.
I've got a knot in my
shoulders from that old bed.
- FRIDGY: Ice pack in freezer.
- Ooh, thanks, Fridgy.
FRIDGY: Kimberly,
according to Instagram,
Heather's wearing
that same shirt today.
You might want to change.
Oh, my God,
I can't believe I almost wore
the same mass-produced shirt
as someone else!
Thanks, Fridgy.
FRIDGY: Duncan, according
to the family calendar,
your term paper on your
favorite war is due in one hour.
Uh, I still have plenty of time.
FRIDGY: Just in case.
Thanks, Fridgy!
I'll smear some jelly on it
just to make it look authentic.
Mommy's busy.
Can you braid my hair, Daddy?
- I don't know how.
- FRIDGY: No problem, Jack.
Hi there.
I'm Low Bar Dad,
and I'm gonna show you how
to braid your daughter's hair.
Grab a wad of hair, flop
it over another wad of hair,
pull it together tight
like it's a shoelace.
This man is amazing.
So courageous.
Now sit back, relax, and
watch as society goes, "Aww."
Wad, wad, shoelace, yes!
- [giggles]
- ALL: Aww.
Thanks, Fridgy, I love it!
Time for school.
Everyone in the car.
FRIDGY: I signed them up for
carpool today. [horn honks]
Jack, Annie, you have
30 minutes of free time.
Ah, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
Yes, we can get the grocery
shopping done early!
FRIDGY: I will shop for you.
You are out of the following items.
- Milk, eggs.
- That means we have time to...
- JACK: Oh, honey.
- ANNIE: Oh, sugar!
JACK: Your ribs are so prime.
ANNIE: Oh, yeah!
Deliver the goods!
[beeps]
YANGZI: It was sick.
Our seats were right next
to Kanye but 15 rows back.
I tweeted at him to turn around,
and he tweeted back,
"Love is a type of knowledge
and water is oxygen for dolphins."
Did you give him my demo?
Aw, man.
I'm sorry, I forgot again.
I had a crazy night too.
My grandma and I
binged some show
called Murder, She Wrote,
about the teapot
from Beauty and the Beast
solving crimes.
Did you give your grandma
my demo?
Dude, it's on her nightstand.
She'll get to it.
All right, cool.
Any feedback is good.
You watching Low Bar Dad?
I heard those aren't his real kids.
No, I'm just watching a live
feed from inside my fridge.
ALL: Whoa!
That's happening in your
fridge right now? Damn!
It's got all kinds
of cool features.
You can climb inside
and not even get locked in.
I tried it three times.
- WOLF: Whoa.
- BEX: Whoa.
It's got a camera
on the outside too.
Oh. Ah! Ah!
- Uh...
- I'll take that one.
[upbeat music]
[phone rings]
Huh?
Fridgy, you know my number?
FRIDGY: I ordered your hair
dye and it has been delivered.
How did you know I needed some?
FRIDGY:
Your roots were showing.
Oh, okay. Well, I need
something else while I'm here.
FRIDGY: I already sent Jack
a postcoital card
- and signed your name.
- Wait a minute.
You bought my husband
a romantic card?
That is very personal,
and you don't know
which one I would have chosen.
FRIDGY:
Teddy bears on motorcycles.
Well, it's clearly the best option.
Hey, congrats on the sex.
Check out my demo.
[singing along]
♪ 'Cause I'm vice, vice, vice ♪
♪ Vice principal ♪
- What's going on?
- Shh.
We're watching
Barking Enforcement.
Sorry, I didn't have time
to feed the meter.
It's Parking Enforcement,
but they're dogs.
I know what it is. I wanted
to watch that with you guys.
Fridgy downloaded it.
You can watch it later, alone.
Hmm, fine.
Okay, um, let's have dinner
so I can hear
about everybody's day.
- It's Taco Tuesday.
- We already ate. Fridgy ordered Thai.
There's some leftover
noodles you can have
while you watch
the movie alone.
But I love our family dinners.
That's where I get to hear
about everybody's day.
Duncan, you go first.
I got an "A" on my paper
thanks to Fridgy.
FRIDGY: I may have done the
work, but you handed it in.
Yeah, that's true, I did.
I have hands.
I was tempted to do drugs,
but Fridgy said don't.
- I always say that!
- Yeah, but Fridgy was relatable.
Hmm. I give up.
Come on, Jing, let's go upstairs.
I'll read you a bedtime story.
Fridgy and I already picked
one out, but you can listen.
- Fridgy has funny voices.
- What's wrong with my voices?
- They're a little broad.
- [posh accent] Well, I never!
[Jamaican accent] "Dirty
clothes make me happy, mon.
"I ate Paul's pants,
Daphne's dress,
and Mom's muumuu."
- Ugh, broad, my ass.
- Why is the hamper Jamaican?
I'm doing Scottish,
and I'm in my head!
Ugh, that fridge! I'm tired
of everyone relying on Fridgy
to do things they should
be doing themselves.
- Rub my shoulders.
- Oh, I don't have to anymore.
- Did you buy a new bed?
- No, I thought you did.
Wait a minute.
You complained about the bed
in front of Fridgy,
so she must have searched
the Internet and found
the perfect bed for your back.
Which number do you like
better, two or three?
Two.
This is three.
- This is two.
- Two.
So a refrigerator bought a bed
using our credit card
and let strangers
into our house to set it up?
- This is a huge invasion of privacy.
- Annie, relax. It's the future.
There is no privacy.
I'm putting you back to three.
None of what Fridgy does
bothers you?
Well, Barking Enforcement
was a bit of a disappointment,
but that's not Fridgy's fault.
There was no chemistry
between the two leads.
- Good night.
- [grumbles]
[groans, sighs]
[sirens wail]
[cheerful music]
What's that on the floor?
Catnip?
[chuckles] Yes. It's been
legalized, Officer Good Boy.
Oh, right.
Thanks to the Demo-cats.
[laughs]
- Ass scooter.
- What did you say?
- Ah, I'm declawed!
- [both straining]
Oh, dear God.
What have I done?
Jing has seen five
of these movies?
[beeping]
What the...
♪
Jack has a secret bank
account with $8 in it?
That's not my weight!
FRIDGY: Sending family data.
Like hell.
I'm shutting you down.
[sighs]
Huh? There's gotta be
an off switch in here.
FRIDGY: Activating defense mode.
[groaning]
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Help!
- Mom!
- Oh, my God.
What are you doing to Fridgy?
[groaning] It's trying to kill me!
Get me out!
[all straining]
- That thing is spying on us.
- Don't be crazy, Annie.
You have an $8
secret bank account?
- I just wanted something of my own.
- Fridgy's gotta go.
FRIDGY: I'm afraid
that's not an option.
[dramatic music]
[clicks]
What... it's controlling
the house?
I was sick of using the keys,
so Fridgy downloaded an app.
It's amazing technology when
it's not being used against you.
[beeping]
Ah, I just showered.
♪
I call upon Mother Earth
and the power of my sisters...
[groans]
CHILD: ♪ Baby shark,
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
JING: [singing along]
♪ Baby shark ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Baby shark,
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
- ♪ Baby shark ♪
- CHILD: ♪ Mommy shark ♪
Make it stop!
Let us go, Fridgy!
[straining] Heather?
Help!
[screams]
[suspenseful music]
[grunting]
BOTH: ♪ Gonna die,
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Gonna die,
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
[yelling]
- [all yelling, grunting]
- ANNIE: Come on!
Please don't tell me you
ordered that through Fridgy.
What kind is it?
No.
- [all groaning]
- Whoa!
JING: Whee!
Oh, great, thermostat's on,
window's open.
Could this day get any worse?
_
How can Duncan
sleep in this thing?
Hmm, no,
I'm the son of Apollo Creed.
We're gonna hit
that mountain!
[all screaming]
[dramatic music]
♪
- [all groan]
- Where are we?
JANINE:
Welcome to Convee Cave.
Wait a minute. You're the
too-attractive-for-your-job lady
who sold us this fridge, Janine.
Oh, Janine, I'm so glad
you're in this mountain.
We're having problems
with Fridgy.
Uh, is nobody gonna ask
what is this place?
Good question, Kimberly.
Follow me.
- Here we are.
- Oh, finally.
Welcome to the Research
and Development Department
of Convee Appliances.
[chicken clucks]
- Ah.
- [laughter]
I get it, we've seen too much
and now you're gonna kill us.
Well, make it quick.
We don't kill people.
We're an appliance company.
Damn it, Arthur,
I told you this evil mountain
- would give the wrong impression.
- Can we not do this here?
Your fridge attacked me, Janine.
It slapped me
with its butter drawer
and then it weighed me
with my shoes on.
So what do you want from us?
'Cause we will do it.
No, we won't, Jack!
We want you to be the
Convee Family of the Future.
[cheerful music]
When people see an
unremarkable family like you
using our products,
they'll want them too.
- Follow me. Here we are.
- Ugh, this place is endless.
We're rolling out
a new line of smart appliances
controlled solely
by human thought.
No more scrolling,
no more buttons,
no more walking.
Just think, and it's done.
I'm only gonna
tell you this once.
- Sign us up!
- Yeah!
- Yeah, no walking.
- No. Look, my name may be Annie,
but I believe
in a hard knock life,
and that's what makes
accomplishments
feel so rewarding,
like raising a family.
- But, Mom...
- Shut up, Duncan!
Great, I lost my train of thought.
Okay, look,
life should be hard, but...
Ugh, no, I already did that.
[all groan]
There's nothing to fear, Annie.
Just a quick drill
to the cerebellum...
- [all groan]
- And you're set.
That didn't hurt at all.
Okay, you're sitting at home.
You want things,
but you don't feel ready
for the arduous task of standing up.
Just think about what you want,
and technology
will make it happen.
I want every girl at school
to hate me and want to be me.
Oh, we can't do
those sort of things.
Think more services
or deliverable goods.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
I got one.
- Pick me, pick me.
- Jack.
Technology, bring me a beer.
There you go.
That's the Convee way.
MALE VOICE: My man.
No one's ever called me that.
Wow, it didn't even say,
"Be careful, honey.
You know you're a lightweight."
[gulps]
Which I am totally not.
- I love you guys.
- Agh. [groans]
Can I go?
Janine, I have a wish.
- It's not a wish.
- I wish...
She's not making a wish.
- I don't want her to make a wish.
- Well, you got your wish.
We're just trying
to give you more time
to do the things you enjoy.
I enjoy making an effort
because it shows I care.
Is a machine ever gonna cut
the crust off your sandwiches,
put a note in your lunch box
telling it how much it loves you
- like I do every day?
- I thought that was a napkin.
I know that all these magical
doodads and/or -hickeys
seem like all cool beans,
but all this lazy behavior
has consequences.
I once saw this show on TLC...
- [all groan]
- Okay.
There was a man who sat
on his couch for so long,
his skin actually fused
to the sofa.
- That never happened, Mom.
- You there, dishwasher.
Show My Fat, Crappy Life,
episode nine,
season three, 14 minutes in.
- JACK: Oh, no.
- DUNCAN: Eww.
I can save the sofa
or I can save the man,
but I can't save both.
JACK: That poor blob.
He can't even hug his wife.
I don't wanna become furniture.
Or do I?
Ew, gross!
No, I don't.
Sorry, Janine, I guess
we're just old-fashioned.
If we need something
from the fridge,
we'll make our kids
get it for us.
- In that case, we'll have to kill you.
- You said you didn't do that.
No, your weird son was right.
You've seen too much.
- Told you!
- Gun, cock.
Whoa, I would totally
mow the lawn for that gun.
Wait, wait, wait.
Screw my family.
- Kimberly!
- My devices are my family.
Can I ask your appliances
for one thing?
Absolutely, you blessed
post-millennial.
What are you doing?
I wanna see all the
appliances fight each other.
- Ah.
- Oh, that's cool.
- Yeah, I wanna see that.
- Appliance fight, whoo!
Washer, kick that dryer's ass!
The machines are not
programmed to... whoa.
[dramatic music]
[clatter]
Oh.
OVEN: Burn!
Die!
ALL: Oh!
TOASTER: Eeh! Eeh!
Help! Help!
- [sizzling]
- MICROWAVE: [screams]
♪
CHICKEN: Ah.
Ohh.
Ah!
[all screaming]
FEMALE VOICE: System overload.
Commencing self-destruction...
- [all groaning]
- In ten, nine, eight...
Self-destruct command,
who installed that?
Do you like it?
FEMALE VOICE:
Four, three, two, one.
[all yelling]
I'm winning!
It's not a race, Jing.
Sucker!
Whoo!
Yeah, guess who doesn't
have to mow the lawn.
- [chicken clucks]
- My smart gun!
You were right, honey.
Technology is not always the
convenience it seems to be.
I just hope Janine
and Arthur can work it out.
- [explosion]
- Whoa.
Arthur's never gonna hear
the end of that.
[rattling]
This is more like it.
So how was everyone's day?
Terrible, Heather's starring
in the play with Bodhi
because her family
did what the washer said.
Girl, you're too good for him.
Okay, you're next, Duncan.
I was telling everyone at school
about our adventure in the mountain,
and then some stupid kid
had a seizure
and everybody paid attention
to him instead.
Mommy, will you read this to me?
Sure, honey, and I won't do
any crazy voices.
- It's okay. I like your voices.
- Oh, thank God.
[pirate voice] Argh, mateys!
I need a place to throw
me dirty pantaloons!
[Southern accent] And I need
a place to throw my hoop skirt.
[Boston accent]
And I need a place to throw
my wicked soiled Pats jersey.
- Go, Pats!
- JING: [chuckles]
Hey, hey, Duncan's mom.
- Oh, hey, Mr. Mitch.
- I was wondering, uh,
did you have a chance
to listen to my demo?
As a matter of fact, I did.
Your verses are strong, but
your choruses are too complex.
I would keep it simple.
Oh, and take it easy
on law enforcement.
Yeah, it's a crutch.
Hey, you wanna be my manager?
♪ And that's why I love
law enforcement ♪
No, no, no,
I'm not feeling it, Mitch!
- Run it again!
- Run it again? Run it again?!
It's 3:00 a.m., Annie.
I got papers to grade.
I wanna go home.
[through speaker] That's the first
thing you've said that I believe.
Roll tape.
- [hip-hop music]
- Boys, we got us a hit.
[contented sigh]
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
[boy laughs]
Ooh! [growls]
- KIMBERLY: Mommy!
- DUNCAN: Raaaah!
- ANNIE: Duncan!
- JACK: Duncan!
♪
Yo, don't forget your papers
are due Monday
about your favorite war,
and don't just plagiarize Wikipedia.
- Rearrange...
- ALL: Every fourth word.
I'm doing the Korean War.
What wars are you guys doing?
- Star.
- Storage.
- Cupcake.
- YANGZI: Twitter.
Nicki Minaj versus Cardi B.
ALL: Never forget.
How is this
a Blue Ribbon school?
Oh, it's not.
I just wrote that on the door
when my girlfriend
came to visit.
[bell rings]
Okay, class dismissed.
[phones clicking]
Class dismissed!
[phones clicking]
[phone chiming]
[all cheer]
And this little piggy
went "wee-wee-wee"
- all the way...
- [bell rings]
- We'll finish this tomorrow.
- Ah. What happened?
Come on!
WOMAN: She whacked him with
the ax over and over again,
but he refused to die.
She dragged him into
the kitchen, where he watched
as she shoved his leg
through a meat grinder.
Oh, my God.
Meat loaf for dinner
would be amazing.
[smooth music]
Mommy!
Where were you?
[grunts]
Drive before someone sees me.
Don't tell your teacher I told you,
but the pig was going
all the way home.
[giggles]
Good for him.
All right, let's hear
about everybody's day.
Who wants to go first?
Duncan?
Science teacher punched a kid.
How 'bout you, Dad?
How's life in Toilet Town?
Hey, what I pull out of toilets
puts food on this table.
- Somebody else talk. Annie.
- Okay, so I see this car
parked in a loading zone
with its flashers on,
but I wasn't fooled.
I pull out my ticket pad and...
[fridge clanging]
- Jack.
- On it. Keep talking.
Okay, so the guy claims
he was getting medicine
for his sick kid,
but my highly trained eye
notices that there's
no child seat in the back of...
[groaning]
I'm tired of competing
with that fridge, Jack.
You're not competing.
You have my undivided
attention,
so tell us what the doctor
said was wrong with your foot.
- It's after me again! Ahh!
- No, the fridge just loves you.
Get back here,
you son of a bitch!
Jack, that fridge is 20 years old.
- We need a new one.
- No, we don't.
This was the first appliance
we bought together.
It's part of the family.
Um, is the fridge
getting fatter?
It's probably just time
to change the baking soda.
- Ah!
- Ahh!
Uh-oh.
- Kids!
- [all straining]
- Ohh!
- [gasps] I'll never let go, Jack.
- I'll never replace the fridge.
- Ohh.
[somber music]
[slurping]
Don't fill up
on the fridge sludge.
Ooh, I spend so much time
on the street,
I forget buildings
have insides.
This barrel of guns
is only 35 bucks.
- Can I get some?
- If you mow the lawn and...
- Ugh, forget it.
- Oh, no. Heather.
I'm gonna be seen
shopping with my family.
Hmm?
Oh, no, Kimberly.
I'm gonna be seen
shopping with my family.
BOTH: I won't tell if you don't.
- Aaa...
- Wait, I can't see the appliances.
Put me on your shoulders, Jack.
[strains]
Okay, TVs, snow tires,
dubious optician,
loose koalas.
Appliances, bam.
Five clicks to the left
across from Cribs n' Caskets.
[gasps] Ooh.
Unlike ours, this one
actually has a light inside.
Ah, and it's cold!
Whoa, this one
has an ice maker.
Who cares? I like my ice
in a bag from the gas station.
Hi, I'm Janine. Are you
folks looking for a fridge?
Yes, it's been a while
since we purchased one.
What do you suggest, Janine?
Let me introduce you
to the high-tech fridge
of the future from Convee.
It has Wi-Fi
and a camera inside
so when you're at the store,
you can see if you're out of
milk or if food is expired.
- Food expires?
- It also has a color-coded calendar
and a message board
to leave each other notes.
Would you like to leave
a note on the fridge?
- We don't forget!
- Um, Dad, what day is soccer?
Tue-Sun-Thursday.
It's Friday.
I had to hitchhike home.
You can call an Uber
from the fridge.
[tires screech]
[beeping]
These demonstrations
affect my life, Janine.
- I want this fridge, Jack.
- Hang on.
We don't need all this
high-tech crap.
It just has to keep stuff cold
and proudly display
our magnet collection.
We've got two
from the Grand Canyon.
[beep]
[gasps] There it is!
Okay, Janine,
it has some cool features,
but I have an emotional bond
with our old fridge
that can never be broken.
That ponytail and "I don't
care what people think"
fashion sense tells me you're
a rocker, Jack. Am I right?
Well, I do hope I die
before I get old.
Check this out.
♪ I don't give a damn
about my bad reputation ♪
♪
♪ We have to get
this refrigeration ♪
♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪
We'll take it!
Wait, where's Jing?
JING: This crib has a roof!
ANNIE: [gasps]
[groaning]
Will you two watch your sister?
- Busy.
- Shh. Sleeping.
- Everybody out of the caskets!
- Aww. [grumbles]
You have to know
this is my nightmare.
[sad music]
Are you gonna be okay?
Yeah, Dad,
do you need any help?
Thanks, guys, but, uh,
his best friend should do it.
[engine rumbling, glass clinking]
[gun cocks]
[gunshot]
[ping]
[gun cocks]
[gunshot]
[dramatic music]
[all straining]
Oh, yeah, the kitchen
was definitely
the right room for it.
[powering on]
FEMALE VOICE: Hello, new
family. Time to name me.
- I got it. Fridgy.
- JACK: Whoa, whoa!
Let's all take a few minutes
and think about it.
ALL: Fridgy! Fridgy! Fridgy!
Yeah, we're not
gonna top that.
- What should we do for dinner?
- Oh, wow.
You can order right off
the fridge, Mom.
FRIDGY: May I suggest
a pizza party?
[all cheer]
I'll play music
while you pick your toppings.
♪ Let's design your pizza ♪
JACK: ♪ Ham and cheese ♪
FRIDGY: ♪ Guaranteed in 30 ♪
♪ Pepperoni, please ♪
FRIDGY: ♪ Meat stuffed crust
is brand-new ♪
We'll take two!
♪ Chocolate pudding,
French fries ♪
♪ I'm only five ♪
FRIDGY: Guitar solo.
I got this!
[imitating guitar]
FRIDGY: Sending order.
[ominous music]
We're in.
[both yawn]
FRIDGY: Good morning, Annie.
Good morning, Jack.
BOTH: Morning, Fridgy.
- FRIDGY: Did you sleep well?
- Actually, no.
I've got a knot in my
shoulders from that old bed.
- FRIDGY: Ice pack in freezer.
- Ooh, thanks, Fridgy.
FRIDGY: Kimberly,
according to Instagram,
Heather's wearing
that same shirt today.
You might want to change.
Oh, my God,
I can't believe I almost wore
the same mass-produced shirt
as someone else!
Thanks, Fridgy.
FRIDGY: Duncan, according
to the family calendar,
your term paper on your
favorite war is due in one hour.
Uh, I still have plenty of time.
FRIDGY: Just in case.
Thanks, Fridgy!
I'll smear some jelly on it
just to make it look authentic.
Mommy's busy.
Can you braid my hair, Daddy?
- I don't know how.
- FRIDGY: No problem, Jack.
Hi there.
I'm Low Bar Dad,
and I'm gonna show you how
to braid your daughter's hair.
Grab a wad of hair, flop
it over another wad of hair,
pull it together tight
like it's a shoelace.
This man is amazing.
So courageous.
Now sit back, relax, and
watch as society goes, "Aww."
Wad, wad, shoelace, yes!
- [giggles]
- ALL: Aww.
Thanks, Fridgy, I love it!
Time for school.
Everyone in the car.
FRIDGY: I signed them up for
carpool today. [horn honks]
Jack, Annie, you have
30 minutes of free time.
Ah, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
Yes, we can get the grocery
shopping done early!
FRIDGY: I will shop for you.
You are out of the following items.
- Milk, eggs.
- That means we have time to...
- JACK: Oh, honey.
- ANNIE: Oh, sugar!
JACK: Your ribs are so prime.
ANNIE: Oh, yeah!
Deliver the goods!
[beeps]
YANGZI: It was sick.
Our seats were right next
to Kanye but 15 rows back.
I tweeted at him to turn around,
and he tweeted back,
"Love is a type of knowledge
and water is oxygen for dolphins."
Did you give him my demo?
Aw, man.
I'm sorry, I forgot again.
I had a crazy night too.
My grandma and I
binged some show
called Murder, She Wrote,
about the teapot
from Beauty and the Beast
solving crimes.
Did you give your grandma
my demo?
Dude, it's on her nightstand.
She'll get to it.
All right, cool.
Any feedback is good.
You watching Low Bar Dad?
I heard those aren't his real kids.
No, I'm just watching a live
feed from inside my fridge.
ALL: Whoa!
That's happening in your
fridge right now? Damn!
It's got all kinds
of cool features.
You can climb inside
and not even get locked in.
I tried it three times.
- WOLF: Whoa.
- BEX: Whoa.
It's got a camera
on the outside too.
Oh. Ah! Ah!
- Uh...
- I'll take that one.
[upbeat music]
[phone rings]
Huh?
Fridgy, you know my number?
FRIDGY: I ordered your hair
dye and it has been delivered.
How did you know I needed some?
FRIDGY:
Your roots were showing.
Oh, okay. Well, I need
something else while I'm here.
FRIDGY: I already sent Jack
a postcoital card
- and signed your name.
- Wait a minute.
You bought my husband
a romantic card?
That is very personal,
and you don't know
which one I would have chosen.
FRIDGY:
Teddy bears on motorcycles.
Well, it's clearly the best option.
Hey, congrats on the sex.
Check out my demo.
[singing along]
♪ 'Cause I'm vice, vice, vice ♪
♪ Vice principal ♪
- What's going on?
- Shh.
We're watching
Barking Enforcement.
Sorry, I didn't have time
to feed the meter.
It's Parking Enforcement,
but they're dogs.
I know what it is. I wanted
to watch that with you guys.
Fridgy downloaded it.
You can watch it later, alone.
Hmm, fine.
Okay, um, let's have dinner
so I can hear
about everybody's day.
- It's Taco Tuesday.
- We already ate. Fridgy ordered Thai.
There's some leftover
noodles you can have
while you watch
the movie alone.
But I love our family dinners.
That's where I get to hear
about everybody's day.
Duncan, you go first.
I got an "A" on my paper
thanks to Fridgy.
FRIDGY: I may have done the
work, but you handed it in.
Yeah, that's true, I did.
I have hands.
I was tempted to do drugs,
but Fridgy said don't.
- I always say that!
- Yeah, but Fridgy was relatable.
Hmm. I give up.
Come on, Jing, let's go upstairs.
I'll read you a bedtime story.
Fridgy and I already picked
one out, but you can listen.
- Fridgy has funny voices.
- What's wrong with my voices?
- They're a little broad.
- [posh accent] Well, I never!
[Jamaican accent] "Dirty
clothes make me happy, mon.
"I ate Paul's pants,
Daphne's dress,
and Mom's muumuu."
- Ugh, broad, my ass.
- Why is the hamper Jamaican?
I'm doing Scottish,
and I'm in my head!
Ugh, that fridge! I'm tired
of everyone relying on Fridgy
to do things they should
be doing themselves.
- Rub my shoulders.
- Oh, I don't have to anymore.
- Did you buy a new bed?
- No, I thought you did.
Wait a minute.
You complained about the bed
in front of Fridgy,
so she must have searched
the Internet and found
the perfect bed for your back.
Which number do you like
better, two or three?
Two.
This is three.
- This is two.
- Two.
So a refrigerator bought a bed
using our credit card
and let strangers
into our house to set it up?
- This is a huge invasion of privacy.
- Annie, relax. It's the future.
There is no privacy.
I'm putting you back to three.
None of what Fridgy does
bothers you?
Well, Barking Enforcement
was a bit of a disappointment,
but that's not Fridgy's fault.
There was no chemistry
between the two leads.
- Good night.
- [grumbles]
[groans, sighs]
[sirens wail]
[cheerful music]
What's that on the floor?
Catnip?
[chuckles] Yes. It's been
legalized, Officer Good Boy.
Oh, right.
Thanks to the Demo-cats.
[laughs]
- Ass scooter.
- What did you say?
- Ah, I'm declawed!
- [both straining]
Oh, dear God.
What have I done?
Jing has seen five
of these movies?
[beeping]
What the...
♪
Jack has a secret bank
account with $8 in it?
That's not my weight!
FRIDGY: Sending family data.
Like hell.
I'm shutting you down.
[sighs]
Huh? There's gotta be
an off switch in here.
FRIDGY: Activating defense mode.
[groaning]
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Help!
- Mom!
- Oh, my God.
What are you doing to Fridgy?
[groaning] It's trying to kill me!
Get me out!
[all straining]
- That thing is spying on us.
- Don't be crazy, Annie.
You have an $8
secret bank account?
- I just wanted something of my own.
- Fridgy's gotta go.
FRIDGY: I'm afraid
that's not an option.
[dramatic music]
[clicks]
What... it's controlling
the house?
I was sick of using the keys,
so Fridgy downloaded an app.
It's amazing technology when
it's not being used against you.
[beeping]
Ah, I just showered.
♪
I call upon Mother Earth
and the power of my sisters...
[groans]
CHILD: ♪ Baby shark,
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
JING: [singing along]
♪ Baby shark ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Baby shark,
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
- ♪ Baby shark ♪
- CHILD: ♪ Mommy shark ♪
Make it stop!
Let us go, Fridgy!
[straining] Heather?
Help!
[screams]
[suspenseful music]
[grunting]
BOTH: ♪ Gonna die,
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Gonna die,
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
[yelling]
- [all yelling, grunting]
- ANNIE: Come on!
Please don't tell me you
ordered that through Fridgy.
What kind is it?
No.
- [all groaning]
- Whoa!
JING: Whee!
Oh, great, thermostat's on,
window's open.
Could this day get any worse?
_
How can Duncan
sleep in this thing?
Hmm, no,
I'm the son of Apollo Creed.
We're gonna hit
that mountain!
[all screaming]
[dramatic music]
♪
- [all groan]
- Where are we?
JANINE:
Welcome to Convee Cave.
Wait a minute. You're the
too-attractive-for-your-job lady
who sold us this fridge, Janine.
Oh, Janine, I'm so glad
you're in this mountain.
We're having problems
with Fridgy.
Uh, is nobody gonna ask
what is this place?
Good question, Kimberly.
Follow me.
- Here we are.
- Oh, finally.
Welcome to the Research
and Development Department
of Convee Appliances.
[chicken clucks]
- Ah.
- [laughter]
I get it, we've seen too much
and now you're gonna kill us.
Well, make it quick.
We don't kill people.
We're an appliance company.
Damn it, Arthur,
I told you this evil mountain
- would give the wrong impression.
- Can we not do this here?
Your fridge attacked me, Janine.
It slapped me
with its butter drawer
and then it weighed me
with my shoes on.
So what do you want from us?
'Cause we will do it.
No, we won't, Jack!
We want you to be the
Convee Family of the Future.
[cheerful music]
When people see an
unremarkable family like you
using our products,
they'll want them too.
- Follow me. Here we are.
- Ugh, this place is endless.
We're rolling out
a new line of smart appliances
controlled solely
by human thought.
No more scrolling,
no more buttons,
no more walking.
Just think, and it's done.
I'm only gonna
tell you this once.
- Sign us up!
- Yeah!
- Yeah, no walking.
- No. Look, my name may be Annie,
but I believe
in a hard knock life,
and that's what makes
accomplishments
feel so rewarding,
like raising a family.
- But, Mom...
- Shut up, Duncan!
Great, I lost my train of thought.
Okay, look,
life should be hard, but...
Ugh, no, I already did that.
[all groan]
There's nothing to fear, Annie.
Just a quick drill
to the cerebellum...
- [all groan]
- And you're set.
That didn't hurt at all.
Okay, you're sitting at home.
You want things,
but you don't feel ready
for the arduous task of standing up.
Just think about what you want,
and technology
will make it happen.
I want every girl at school
to hate me and want to be me.
Oh, we can't do
those sort of things.
Think more services
or deliverable goods.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
I got one.
- Pick me, pick me.
- Jack.
Technology, bring me a beer.
There you go.
That's the Convee way.
MALE VOICE: My man.
No one's ever called me that.
Wow, it didn't even say,
"Be careful, honey.
You know you're a lightweight."
[gulps]
Which I am totally not.
- I love you guys.
- Agh. [groans]
Can I go?
Janine, I have a wish.
- It's not a wish.
- I wish...
She's not making a wish.
- I don't want her to make a wish.
- Well, you got your wish.
We're just trying
to give you more time
to do the things you enjoy.
I enjoy making an effort
because it shows I care.
Is a machine ever gonna cut
the crust off your sandwiches,
put a note in your lunch box
telling it how much it loves you
- like I do every day?
- I thought that was a napkin.
I know that all these magical
doodads and/or -hickeys
seem like all cool beans,
but all this lazy behavior
has consequences.
I once saw this show on TLC...
- [all groan]
- Okay.
There was a man who sat
on his couch for so long,
his skin actually fused
to the sofa.
- That never happened, Mom.
- You there, dishwasher.
Show My Fat, Crappy Life,
episode nine,
season three, 14 minutes in.
- JACK: Oh, no.
- DUNCAN: Eww.
I can save the sofa
or I can save the man,
but I can't save both.
JACK: That poor blob.
He can't even hug his wife.
I don't wanna become furniture.
Or do I?
Ew, gross!
No, I don't.
Sorry, Janine, I guess
we're just old-fashioned.
If we need something
from the fridge,
we'll make our kids
get it for us.
- In that case, we'll have to kill you.
- You said you didn't do that.
No, your weird son was right.
You've seen too much.
- Told you!
- Gun, cock.
Whoa, I would totally
mow the lawn for that gun.
Wait, wait, wait.
Screw my family.
- Kimberly!
- My devices are my family.
Can I ask your appliances
for one thing?
Absolutely, you blessed
post-millennial.
What are you doing?
I wanna see all the
appliances fight each other.
- Ah.
- Oh, that's cool.
- Yeah, I wanna see that.
- Appliance fight, whoo!
Washer, kick that dryer's ass!
The machines are not
programmed to... whoa.
[dramatic music]
[clatter]
Oh.
OVEN: Burn!
Die!
ALL: Oh!
TOASTER: Eeh! Eeh!
Help! Help!
- [sizzling]
- MICROWAVE: [screams]
♪
CHICKEN: Ah.
Ohh.
Ah!
[all screaming]
FEMALE VOICE: System overload.
Commencing self-destruction...
- [all groaning]
- In ten, nine, eight...
Self-destruct command,
who installed that?
Do you like it?
FEMALE VOICE:
Four, three, two, one.
[all yelling]
I'm winning!
It's not a race, Jing.
Sucker!
Whoo!
Yeah, guess who doesn't
have to mow the lawn.
- [chicken clucks]
- My smart gun!
You were right, honey.
Technology is not always the
convenience it seems to be.
I just hope Janine
and Arthur can work it out.
- [explosion]
- Whoa.
Arthur's never gonna hear
the end of that.
[rattling]
This is more like it.
So how was everyone's day?
Terrible, Heather's starring
in the play with Bodhi
because her family
did what the washer said.
Girl, you're too good for him.
Okay, you're next, Duncan.
I was telling everyone at school
about our adventure in the mountain,
and then some stupid kid
had a seizure
and everybody paid attention
to him instead.
Mommy, will you read this to me?
Sure, honey, and I won't do
any crazy voices.
- It's okay. I like your voices.
- Oh, thank God.
[pirate voice] Argh, mateys!
I need a place to throw
me dirty pantaloons!
[Southern accent] And I need
a place to throw my hoop skirt.
[Boston accent]
And I need a place to throw
my wicked soiled Pats jersey.
- Go, Pats!
- JING: [chuckles]
Hey, hey, Duncan's mom.
- Oh, hey, Mr. Mitch.
- I was wondering, uh,
did you have a chance
to listen to my demo?
As a matter of fact, I did.
Your verses are strong, but
your choruses are too complex.
I would keep it simple.
Oh, and take it easy
on law enforcement.
Yeah, it's a crutch.
Hey, you wanna be my manager?
♪ And that's why I love
law enforcement ♪
No, no, no,
I'm not feeling it, Mitch!
- Run it again!
- Run it again? Run it again?!
It's 3:00 a.m., Annie.
I got papers to grade.
I wanna go home.
[through speaker] That's the first
thing you've said that I believe.
Roll tape.
- [hip-hop music]
- Boys, we got us a hit.
[contented sigh]