Due South (1994–1999): Season 1, Episode 18 - An Invitation to Romance - full transcript

Image, Constable, that's what
we are talking about here.

The bases of all good diplomatic
relationship isn't who you are,

but who the other side thinks you are.

Now, I've worked very hard to create...

an image of Canadians
we can all be proud of.

Yes sir.

You, on the other hand, have been doing everything
in your power to wreak havoc on that image.

Sir?

All this do-gooding, Constable.

Picking up litter, rescuing
kittens, saving people's lives.

What sore of message do you suppose
that sends to the Americans.



That we care sir?

Exactly and people don't
fear people who care.

I'm sorry, sir, I wasn't aware that
we wanted the Americans to fear us.

That's what every country wants, Fraser.

No one takes you seriously if they
think they can push you around.

Do you think I would have risen this
high if people weren't afraid of me?

When can it be ready?

Wednesday.

Nonsense, I need it this afternoon.

I'll have to take ?em with me.

Well, get on with it man. Get on with it!

There, did you see that, Fraser?

That's another American
tailor that fears me.

I could see that, sir.



That's what Canada needs.

To be feared by tailors?

Along with every other American.

Do we have a plan to accomplish this sir?

Yes, but I'm not at liberty
to reveal it at this moment.

The important thing is that you not undermine
our efforts with all this nice guy stuff.

Yes sir.

As to my assignment.

Assignment...

Yes. I need for you to handle and
deliver a very important document.

Ah, now I don't want to say that the
relationship between our two countries...

rests on it's safe arrival...

but if something were to go wrong,

I can't speak as to the consequences.

It looks like a party invitation sir.

Clever, no?

Just make sure someone gives you a uh, ...

get a a ...

Signature?

Signature, yes.

and get the balloons on the way home.
We're counting...

on you doing your part to make
sure our reception is a success.

You know your duties?

Doorman, sir.

That what you do?

Yes sir.

Well, keep up the good work. Carry on.

Oh, and Constable, God speed.

Thank you, sir.

Oh.

I have to go out for a while Diefenbaker
on a very important assignment.

So what I'd suggest....
Is that you to just...

Diefenbaker?

Oh please, don't do this to me now. Dief?

There's nothing more frustrating than
playing hide and seek with a deaf wolf.

Jasmine, have you seen Diefenbaker?

No Fraser, I haven't.

Ah, well, if you do would you tell
him I had to go out for a while.

Sure thing.

Can I give you a hand
across the road ma'am?

Well, aren't you the kind young man.

Where you from?

Well, ma'am, I'm from...I'd rather not say.

...Je suis Katherine...

Could you tell me how to get
to the nearest post office?

Two blocks up on your right.
...Bien et vous?

I'm sorry, you'll have to speak up.

I'm trying to learn French and it's
difficult to do two things at once,

especially if they're in
two different languages.

Two blocks up...

Oh, thanks anyway, I'll find it myself...

Oh damn. "Fermez la porte Jacques. Merci."
"Fermez la porte Jacques. Merci"

Oh, I beg your pardon. Oof!

What in God's name do you baby think
you're doing right in broad daylight!

I don't know where you get the
idea that you can just...

do whatever you please.

Well, you just tackled
the wrong woman, mister.

Well, actually I think you misunderstand...

I misunderstand? Oh, that's very nice.

That's very nice that you
accuse me of not understanding.

I'm too rash, too emotional,
incapable of reason, huh?

Well, no, I didn't mean that. What I meant was...
Well, let me tell you something about me.

When I want something, I ask, when
somebody says something, I listen.

I don't grab people and throw them to the ground
when they're trying to learn French and if I do,

Well, at least I apologize.

Well, I-I-I'm terribly sorry but you misunderstand,
you see you were about to be hit by a truck.

Oh. Why didn't you just say that in the
first place, I'm not a mind reader.

Oh dear. Um...

Excuse me did you happen to see a young
lady with a bright blue jacket...

and a floral skirt
carrying a -- post office.

Thank you, thank you kindly.

Oh, that's very kind of you.

Excuse me, you don't mind if I cut in
do you? I'm getting married tomorrow.

Oh, thank you.

Excuse me.
Oh hello.

This is that man I was telling you about.

Hello.

Would you mind if I went in front of you?

I'm getting married tomorrow
and I'm running very late.

Oh, thank you.

I'm afraid you have my letter.

Your letter?
Oh no, these are my letters.

Don't you remember they
fell when you tackled me.

Uh, no, you see...

I had a letter also only mine
didn't have a stamp on it.

Oh, then you're in the wrong line.
You buy stamps over there.

Excuse me sir.
Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Oh, thanks.

Uh, no actually you don't understand.

Or rather, let me think of
another way of saying this...

Excuse me.

Yeah, Sure.

Now you see...

Hey, hey, wait your turn, buddy!

You know I really don't think you should be
cutting in front of all these nice people.

They were generous enough to let me pass
but I'm afraid you're upsetting them.

Oh here, I'll mail it for you.

Well, that's very kind of you but
actually I need my letter back.

But you just gave it to me. Just
a second, this is my letter.

Well, yes, it is...

What were you doing with my letter?

Oh, you're following me aren't you.

Exactly.

Oh, well, that's very flattering but I have
to tell you that I'm already spoken for.

And I'm afraid my fianc?e is very jealous.

So, I think it's best if we
never see each other again.

I appreciate this Ray.

Let me get the door for you.

Look he's a Mountie, okay?
Mounties do not lie.

If he says it's his
letter, it's his letter.

I don't care if he's Sgt. Preston,
he's not getting the letter.

Ray perhaps...

Benny, let me handle this, alright?

Let me see your driver's license, pal.
Hey...

He Looks like a ...
...hey, over here. Come here.

Look, Once the letter departed
it becomes government...

Are you looking for a letter
from the Canadian Consulate?

Yes.

Oh, no, I wouldn't want you
to get into any trouble.

I get off at four.

Well, then I won't keep you. You must
have a lot to do. Thank you kindly.

So how many times do I have
to tell you it can't be done.

Yeah well, if I find your mail truck
parked in front of a hydrant,

don't expect me to cut you any slack.

There's absolutely no way
to get that letter back.

It's alright, Ray.

How did you do that?

Did I mention it's my day off?

Several times.

Consulate line is still busy.

I thought I did,

but then I became confused when I found
myself driving around delivering mail.

Well, this isn't just mail Ray,

this is a highly sensitive
Canadian document.

Oh! You guys planning an invasion?

Well, I'm not entirely sure.

I think I may have said too much already.

Well, don't do it today alright?

Cause I'm going to be sitting on my
couch enjoying the basketball game

and the tip off's in five minutes.

7-4-6 West Lakeside Place. That
wouldn't be on your way home would it?

No.

I'll just be a minute.

Alright, I'm counting down Fraser.
One, two, three, four...

Technically that's counting up.

Get the hell out of here -- nine, ten.

This is the place. Third trip today.

I don't understand what the problem is.

What are you doing here?

I am as surprised as you are ma'am.

Delivery for Ellis, where do you want em?

Oh, any where.

Please you have to go away.

No, of course not you. You are away.

Do you not understand nothing.

Allow me to explain. I have a letter...

Oh? The one you accused me of taking?

Yes.

You see you had it all along.

Well, let's just say you apologized
and leave it at that shall we?

No! No, you see I have to
deliver it into the hands...

You want to give it to me?

Oh, no, we've been through that already,
I'm not going to take it a second time.

Yes, I'm still here.

Listen, we both know why you're doing this

and if I was available I might be intrigued
but I'm not so you'll just have to leave.

I honestly didn't know
this was your address.

Don't be ridiculous, it's written
right there on the envelope.

Ma'am, all I want to do
is deliver this letter...

Alright, I'll take your letter but no matter how
well it's written, I'm not going to change my mind.

I'm getting married tomorrow.

Yes, I know you know that.

Alright, I'll be there at two. Oh -- but
just give me your number in case I get lost.

555-0866.
555-0866, 555-0866.

Do you have a pen?

Yes. And if you could just sign?

Oh dear, what was the number?
555-0866.

How do you know the
number of my bridal shop?

Well, I didn't know it was the
number of your bridal shop.

Oh, so you just pulled that
number right out of the air.

Okay, here, now is there anything else?

Uh, no and I assure you ma'am...

Who's down there?

Oh, no, now you've done it.

If my fianc?e finds you here, he'll
never understand. He's very jealous.

Well, there's absolutely no reason for...

Well, then you're a lot more broad
minded then he is. Bye bye now.

Have you seen our wedding
license application dear?

I thought I put it... oh, here it is.

Who was that?

Oh, no one dear. A Mountie.
He means nothing to me.

And what's that supposed to mean?
He means nothing to you?

You see an envelope with a number
written on it? It was right here.

Just a second. What did he want?

You really have nothing to worry about.
He's a total stranger.

If I hadn't been lying on top of him,
I hardly would have recognized him

You were lying on top of him?

What is the number of my bridal shop?

555-0866.

Oh yes! Thank you, sweetheart.

Wait, wait. Forget about that.
What's this lying on top of who?

Now don't get all worked up.

He was just being a gentleman.

If he'd landed on top, he would have
crushed me. You saw how big he was.

422, 423 ...

I'm sorry it took so long, Ray.

Miss Burns is not the easiest person to...

Oh dear. Oh dear.

Ellis, must be her fianc?e, poor man.

Just get out of here.

Alright. No more Mr. Nice Man.

Now see there you go again
jumping to conclusions.

You really need to work on
controlling your temper.

The guy picks you up in the street
I have a right to know who he is.

Is that asking too much?

Dear, if I knew his name...
I would tell you.

You don't even know his name?

Well, I really didn't think it
would be appropriate to ask.

After all I hardly know him and I did
have a few other things on my mind.

I just wanna ...
I mean we are getting married tomorrow.

I just wanna know what happen, okay?
What happen.

Nothing dear. But if
it'll make you happy...

I promise never to see the man again.

Ah, Miss Burns, uh, I just realized I made a
mistake in delivering that letter to you.

Another guy sending you letters?

Uh, no, if I could explain...

Don't you lie to me. You
said you gave it to her.

I'm sure it's just an innocent
infatuation, dear. Isn't that true?

No.

What?

Really?

How long has this been going on?

Just since this morning.

If you don't believe that then
I don't know what else to say.

Oh there's my cab. Would you
please explain it to him?

Well, I would like to
explain it to someone.

Thank you.

You see sir, all I'm attempting
to do is deliver a letter to you.

Then give me the letter.

Oh dear, uh, she took it with here didn't she?
This really is not going particularly well.

If you will excuse me sir I have to...

pursue your fianc?e otherwise I
might not be able to catch her.

And I Thank you kindly for your patience.

Ma'am! ...

We have to follow her.

Who?

She's in that cab.
See if you can catch her.

What was that all about?

Follow her.

Oh come on, Nigel, not again.

If there's nothing going on, she's got nothing
to worry about, right? Just follow her.

Excuse me sir, if there's nothing
else I'll be leaving sir.

Alright dear Mrs. McDuffy. Thank you.

I think she's just up ahead.

Fraser, why are we following this woman.

You delivered the right envelope to the
wrong person at the right address.

In my book two out of three
is pretty damn good.

The Consulate line is still busy.

[Basketball game reporter]
...come on ...did you see that?!

No! No! I didn't see it. Why? ...

Because I'm not at home, that's why.

Here give me that form, I'll
sign it. What's his name?

N.J. Ellis but I don't think
that would be acceptable.

Nigel J. Ellis?

You know him?

Yeah, Ellis disposal. The guys
dirtier than the garbage he hauls.

Toxic spills, illegal dumping.

We tried to nail him but he's got so many
politicians in his pocket he walks with a limp.

I can't believe that's
the guy you're delivery invasion plans too.

I can't believe it's the same person.

Oh, there. There. There she is.

I promise you I won't be
more than one minute.

Commentate. You're the commentator!

I told you, I have to pick up the
license now, the wedding is tomorrow.

And I've told you I can't issue it
unless both parties are present.

Well, if you don't issue it,
we can't get married...

and since we're getting married tomorrow
you have very little choice in the matter.

I don't know why you can't see that.

You see where it says :

"Bride and Groom must appear in person?"

If you keep repeating yourself
we're not going to get anywhere.

Excuse me.

Oh God! Don't' tell me you
want you're letter back.

If you would just look in your purse. I
think you wrote a phone number on it.

This your fianc?e?

Oh, don't be ridiculous, does
he looks like my fianc?e?

Then I'll have to ask you to step
aside so I can help these people.

Okay, fine.

If you don't want him, I'll take him.

Honey!
Look at him!

You see what you did?

Well, I fail to understand how my not being your
fianc?e prevented you from getting your license.

Oh, that's ridiculous, if you were my fianc?e
I'd have the license right now wouldn't I...

and they say men are the logical one.
Alright, you'll just have to do it.

I'm sorry, do what?

The office closes in fifteen minutes.

Nigel can't get down here in that time, you'll
just have to tell them you're my fianc?e.

No, I couldn't do that.

You want your letter back?

Well, yes, but I'm not about
to lie to a public official.

Alright, then don't say anything.
I'll do the talking.

Excuse me, I found my fianc?e.

You just told me he wasn't your fianc?e.

I was mistaken. I didn't recognize him.

What's your name?

He can't hear you, he's mute.

I believe you mean deaf.

Oh yes, thank you sweetheart.

You're marrying a deaf-mute Mountie
and you didn't recognize him?

Perhaps I can explain.

If he's deaf-mute, why is he talking?

Now you're criticizing the handicapped?

Well, I think your superior will
be very interested to know...

that you refuse to give marriage
certificates to the physically challenged.

God knows their lives are difficult
enough without insensitive bureaucrats...

like yourself preventing
them from getting married.

And if that's not enough ...

Alright, alright, alright
just take the damned thing.

Oh, thank you, that's very sweet of you.

Thank you kindly.

Excuse me ma'am, you forgot to ...

Ray, I wonder if you followed...

Yes.

If you want to go home Ray...

Na, Na, I'm having the time of my life!

I should be just a minute.

No, no I probably won't you better go home.

No! Wait! Ray?

If you could drop by the Consulate and just
explain to them that I'll be a little late.

Thank you kindly, Ray!

Yeah, Nigel it's me,

yeah, she's alone. She's here and she's
alone. Now can I get out of here?

I'm telling you it's a waste of ...

yeah, fine. I'll stick around. Yeah.

I don't recall saying
anything about a hoop.

Oh yes, I remember it was on the twelfth
fitting you said put a hoop in it.

Oh, don't be ridiculous, why
would I say such a thing?

Perhaps because you wanted a hoop.
You see I wrote hoop here.

Well, maybe you wanted a
hoop, it's your writing.

How could it be what I
wanted when I don't want it.

That doesn't make any sense now does it?

Which is why I didn't put a hoop in it.

Oh, how cleaver of you. Should I try it on?

Why not?

May I help you?

Yes, I'm looking for a woman.

A particular woman. Her name is Miss Burns.

Would you happen to know if she's here?

I haven't any idea. I don't work here.

Then how could you possibly help me?

Are you Miss Burns fianc?e?
No.

You must be very pleased.
She's in the fitting room.

Thank you.

Uh, Miss Burns, it's Constable Fraser.

You know, there's a very thin line
between persistence and obsession.

Well, I-I'm afraid you forgot
to give me the letter.

Oh no! That man works for my fianc?e.

Which man?

There. Oh, this is not good.
This is not good at all.

Ah, Miss Burns! It's me Perry.

Which Perry is that?

Perry, Perry ma'am.

Oh! Perry! What a pleasant surprise!
What are you doing here?

I'm following you ma'am.

Oh, this is great. All I need is
just for him to find you here.

I'll just explain to him ...

You met Nigel you think you
can explain it to him?

Who you talking to ma'am?

Oh, you Perry.

There doesn't appear to
be any way out of here.

Get under my dress.
What?!

Get under my dress.

You want me to get under
your wedding dress?

Yes!

Isn't that bad luck?

Will you hurry up?

Oh no, I'm quite sure most folk lore ...

If Nigel finds you in
here he'll kill us both.

Right.

I don't want to have to come in there ma'am
but I promised your fianc?e that ...

Oh, hello Perry. How are you?

Fine, Miss Burns.

It looks lovely.

I just want to see how it moves.

Sorry.
Sh!

You'll have to steer, I
have my eyes closed.

Sh.

Nigel? I got some bad news.

Is he following us?

I can't see anything.

Your fianc?e he wouldn't be Nigel
Ellis of Ellis Sanitation.

You know him?

Only by reputation.

Oh, he's usually a very sweet man.

It's just that when he gets jealous,
there's no reasoning with him.

Well, you know what the Swiss are like.

Canadian Consulate.
Consulat du Canada.

Bonjour, Please hold.
Attendez it, s'il vous pla?t.

Excuse me, I ...

Canadian Consulate.
Consulat du Canada.

Good Afternoon, Bonjour, Please hold.
Attendez it, s'il vous pla?t.

Hi, I'd like to ...

Canadian Consulate.
Consulat du Canada.

Good Afternoon! Bonjour! Please hold,
Attendez, s'il vous pla?t.

Thank you for holding.
Merci pour l'attendez.

I'm sorry, I don't speak French.
Je ne parle pas le fran?ais.

Dear ... Canadians. Constable
Fraser will be a little ...

... arriving any minute.
Where the hell is he?

I haven't been able to reach him sir...

How long does it take to do a simple task?

He said he'd be back soon, sir.

Well, if he's not here in five minutes, he
doesn't have to bother showing up at all.

No more excuses. I will not
be made to look like a fool.

Trouble.

I have the emperor?s clothes.

He's here sir.

Well, it's about time!

Sh.

I can't believe he had me followed.

I mean what does he think I'm going to run off and
have an affair the day before we get married?

I've never given him one
reason to suspect me.

Well, I'm not sure I was entirely
hidden under your dress.

I mean even if I was a little bit attracted
to you, I haven't acted on it have I?

No-no-no. You've been -- but this is something
that you could possibly misinterpret.

I mean, not that I am attracted to you.

No, I understand.

What am I going to do? I can't go home...

until he calms down. And we
can't just keep driving around.

Well, you must have some friends.

In Connecticut.

What about family.

Hong Kong, Gestad, Portofino
and Terminal Island.

Uh, tax evasion. It's
all a misunderstanding.

I-I can see how that can happen.

Now we'll just have to go to your place.

No! I don't think that
would be a very good idea.

You don't?

No! I have a wolf.

Oh. Shame.

Could you recommend a hotel?

Yeah, I know just the place.

Should I wait until...

No. That's okay.

Oh, you almost forgot your letter.

Oh, thank you.

You're not going to come back and
ask me for it again, are you?

No ma'am.
Oh.

Oh. I was sorta getting used to it.
Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Thank you.

Where to?

The Canadian Consulate.

We have to go back.

'Beautiful newlywed Suites'

I believe you have a Katherine
Burns registered here?

I figured you'd be here soon. Can't
have a honeymoon without a groom.

Oh, no, no. I'm not the groom.

My name is Constable Benton Fraser,
Royal Canadian Mounted ...

The Mountie and the damsel in distress.
My wife and I used to play that.

Uh, perhaps if I showed you my I.D.

Oh no-no no-no no need. I booked
you into the honeymoon suit.

Heart shaped waterbed, private lava pool
and complimentary champagne and oysters.

You see it says right here "RCMP".

Nice touch.

No, you don't understand.

No, no. Have a good night.

Thank you.

Bernie, what does that remind you of?
DeBuke?

Miss Burns?

I don't need any more champagne. Thank
you these two are quite enough.

No, it's me Constable Fraser.

I'm afraid you gave me the wrong letter.

Oh, I was hoping you'd say that!

Uh, no, I , uh, think you are misreading...

Where are they?

Honeymoon suite.

Come on Nigel, let's go home, huh?
She isn't worth it!

Out of the way.

Nigel, Don't listen to me.
Come on, I'm serious man.

Alright. It seems to be stuck on the material.
Perhaps I could get one of the maids to ...

You know what I'm thinking Constable?

Oh, there we go.

It would serve him right
if I did have an affair.

No, that's just not gonna come off.
Well, goodnight now.

What about your letter.

Uh, it's not very important.

Won't you at least have one drink with me?

Well, thank you but I don't drink.

This door seems to be ...

... locked.

Ah, yes. Safety first. Perhaps
I'll check the fire routes.

You don't even drink champagne?

No, I just never felt the need.

You see I think all to often people
drink in order to escape from uhh ...

Well, uh, perhaps just one bottle.

That one's empty. The
other ones by the bed.

But we really should discuss this.
You see in times of...

emotional stress people
tend to act irrational.

You seem to be under a
lot of stress yourself.

Well, that me be so.

So you may be acting irrationally.

Oh dear!

I sense you lied about my zipper.

Thank God!

She loves me,
she loves me not.

Nigel? Is that you?

Jump!

I think we're safe.

Oh, I could be mistaken.

Oh! Oh! I think the worse of it is over.

Coffee break.

My mother wanted me to
wear her wedding dress.

Of course, always the rebel I had
to go out and have my own made.

Now look at it.

Well, you know, dry cleaners can do uh ...

absolutely nothing with that.

I can't believe I'm spending the eve of
my wedding riding in a garbage truck...

with a total stranger.

I just tried to seduce in order to
escape being shot by my fianc?e.

I mean it doesn't get much
worse than that does it?

Unfortunately, it may. We haven't
picked up any more garbage.

Oh, not having garbage
dumped on us is a bad thing?

In out care, yes.

It means the truck has finished it's rounds
and it should be returning to the city dump.

Which means it should be going due South.

Like my life.

But we've been traveling
consistency northwest.

I think someone's
commandeered this vehicle.

Oh.

[game is still on: ...game like this in my life!]
Yeah, me neither.

Do you know what the score is?

Shut up and get inside.
Come on, come on...

ain't got all night!
Let's go!

Mental note. Send Fraser
north for a little R & R

I think he's been spending too much
time with the Chicago policeman.

What are you looking at? You've
never seen a Canadian before?

How does he do this all day?

And where the hell is he? Something must
have gone wrong. He'd never be this late.

What's the matter, your arms broken?
Open the door yourself!

Let me think this through.

Fraser were with a beautiful
woman, where would he end up?

No, no, no that's you and me.

Come on, think. Okay,

what is the most unglamorous, unromantic
place you could possibly take a woman?

Oh, come on. A garbage truck?
Not even Fraser is that...

Hold on Benny!

Tell me something Constable.

Why is it everywhere I go disaster follows?

Maybe it's the company you keep.

I sure know how to pick ?em, don't I?

Wee, I don't really know Nigel so
it wouldn't be fair for me ...

What's wrong with you? A
man is trying to kill you.

You're supposed to hate him!

A woman throws herself at you, you're suppose
to... you're supposed to do something.

Miss Burns, you are engaged to be married.

Were you always so good and
honorable and perfect and...

what the hell are you doing?

It's just a loose thread. You wouldn't
happen to have a pair of scissors ...

of course not.

Just yank it off.

Well, the button might fall off.

It's a button. Take a risk!

Alright!

Huh.

Oh. Don't you ever do anything
reckless or stupid or wild?

No.

Oh... no.

I guess that's what first
attracted me to Nigel.

He was just so... dangerous...

I can see how you'd find that exciting.

On our first date it was January and we
drove to Atlantic City with the top down.

He took me to this high-stake crap
game in the back of the bar...

and we drank much too much champagne.

And ended up jumping off the
pier with all of our clothes on.

It was just...it was romantic.

I thought I was in love once.

And then later I thought maybe it
was just an inner ear imbalance...

We spent an evening snowed in on the side
of a mountain watching the northern lights.

It was probably the most
dramatic moment of my life.

But in the end, I realized
I'd learned two things.

The first is... that it's easier
to think you're in love...

than it is to accept that you're alone,

and the second is...

that it's very easy to confuse love with
subatomic particles bursting in the air.

Well, I also learned that I should
have my ears checked more regularly.

Funny the things that
attract you to somebody.

God I hate my life.

Good evening.

You got a lot of nerve, for a Canadian.

Ah yes,

and it's quite reasonable that you're angry,
given your understandable confusion but ...

I love him!

No, she doesn't.

Yes, I do.

No, she doesn't. She's just angry and
attempting to make you jealous.

Which at this particular moment would
seem to be a rather poor choice.

You know what?

It worked.

Whoa!

Detective Vecchio, Miss Burns.
Miss Burns, Diefenbaker.

Hello.

Congratulations. Hear
you're getting married.

Why do I never learn, Perry?

Shoot first, talk later.

Shoot first, talk later.

You don't want to know why
I'm wearing your uniform?

I just assumed it was something personal.

Come on Nigel, there are three of them now.

What are you going to do, kill them all
because some woman was running around on you?

Yeah, watch and learn.

Mr. Ellis! I want to assure you Katherine
has been completely faithful to you.

Except the part on the waterbed.

Waterbed?

It was entirely innocent.

Yeah, big shock there.

Unfortunately, if you don't believe this there's
nothing I can say to convince you of it.

What? No Mountie stories? No Inuit tales?

You can never know what's
in another person?s heart.

You can only know what's inside your own.
So, look inside your heart, Mr. Ellis.

Do you love Katherine?

Why do you think I want to kill her?

Ah.

That's it?

Well, unfortunately there's nothing
you can do to prove a virtue, Ray.

I'm out of shells. Give me your gun.

No.

Second hoe.

No.

He's not going to listen to reason.

How many bullets you got left, Ray?

One.

I'm not shoot my car. I blew up the last
one for you and I'm not doing it again.

Well, actually, that's
not what I had in mind.

Good, ?cause I wasn't going to do it anyway.

Well, I know that, Ray...

what I had in mind was you and I
creating some kind of diversion...

while Katherine made a run for that shoot
over there and slide down to safety.

Well, unfortunately you're out of bullets.

I lied.

Oh well, in that case do you think you
can get a clean shot of the rear bumper?

No!

I said it can't be bro...
No.

They look up here and see us like
this, what are they going to think?

Here's what we're going to do. On the count
of three, I'm gonna come up shooting.

You throw a head of lettuce or whatever you
do and the lady runs for the log ride.

You Ready? One. Two...

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Three.

You want to shoot me Nigel go ahead.

You say you love me then
threaten to kill me.

I mean what the Hell does love mean to you?

Just a bunch of particles
bursting all over the place...

and when you try and touch it?
There's nothing there.

That's not love Nigel, that's a light show!

Um, perhaps I should explain
what she's alluding to.

Well, what do you expect?

Alright, look at you. You're running around with
this guy. You're in - you're in the wedding dress.

I catch you in a motel together. Come on.

I wasn't the one who didn't trust you.
Had you followed.

Do you know how that feels? To love
someone who doesn't even trust you?

You make me nuts.

I'm sorry, you know that. You do
that to me. You make me crazy.

No, you do that to yourself.

You really didn't do anything with
this guy in the red jacket there?

I'm not gonna tell you, Nigel.

Tell him!

You either believe me or you don't
there's no way to prove a virtue.

Perhaps you should try.

Ok, I believe you, okay?
I'm sorry, okay?

You ever hear me say it before, Perry?

No.
No, no, never before.

I-am-sorry... okay?
Come on baby, let's just go home.

We gotta get married.

Oh, thank you Nigel. You don't
know what that means to me.

Unfortunately I've realized
I don't love you so, no.

What?

What did you say?

I stand up here, I pour my heart
out to you. I apologize to you.

I even offer to take you back
and you throw it in my face.

Is that right Katherine?

Well, guess what? To hell with you.

Hey, uh, I'm just along for the ride.

I can't believe you threw your hat.

Well, it's got an incredibly stiff brim.
It's actually ...

We're in the middle of a
crises and you throw your hat.

I'm sorry, Ray.
Hey! Look what I found.

Remarkable.

Would you sign for this, please?

Good night ma'am. Goodnight sir.

And don't try to tell me you were attempting to
circle around behind him because you never showed up.

I thought you'd have
nothing to say about that.

Am I too late?

No. no, uh, I think the
band is still playing.

Nigel couldn't use it.

I was hoping maybe I could
steal you away for a dance.

I'd love to but I ...

Duty calls?

Such as it is.

Well... maybe another time then.

That was quite the buffet.

No what I love most about Canadians?

They're real easy to elbow out of the way.

What are you doing?

Just a loose thread. You
wouldn't happen to have a...

Ray, could I impose upon you?

Yeah, go ahead. I'm kinda
getting the hang of it anyway.

Thanks.

May I?

You folks have a good time tonight?
Yes, thank you.

That's great. That's nice.
Excuse me, wait a second ma'am,

do you have dinner rolls in that purse?

Don't put under hood.
Yes sir, you - up against the car.

Come on, empty your pockets, let's go...