DuckTales (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 18 - How Santa Stole Christmas! - full transcript

[Della] 'Twas the night
before Christmas,

when all through the house,

old Scrooge laid barbed wire,
about Santa he groused.

Armed to the teeth 'gainst
the treetotaling traitor,

that roof‐climbing,
two‐timing winter invader.

Can we please read the normal
version of this poem?

Where Santa arrives on the roof
with such a clatter?

That man is not allowed
in our home.

He knows what he did.

But we don't.

The less you know, the better.



‐You don't know, do you?
‐[loud thump]

‐[all gasp]
‐[all] Such a clatter.

He's breached the perimeter.
To battle!

[grunts]

[gasps]

He's beautiful.

Every year that present
peddling prowler

tries to step his sooty boot
on my roof,

and every year he fails.

Why do you hate him so much?

He seems like a good guy.

Hold your treacherous tongue!

An enemy of Scrooge
is an enemy of ours!

You don't need that charlatan.



I'm the richest duck
in the world,

and I always get you
great gifts.

[all groan]

Ooh!

You could not have found
an itchier fabric.

I think you mean,
"Wow, Uncle Scrooge,

thank you for the very
practical gift."

What do you want?
A cell phone you don't need?

A trampoline?

Some sort of video
graphical game?

‐Yes!
‐They're called video games.

[doorbell rings]

Probably a bunch of carolers
spreading lies.

Let's go silence their night.

Nothing can distract us from
protecting the house against...

Claus.

Scrooge.

‐[all cheering]
‐It's him, it's really him!

‐Merry... ‐[gasps]

[whimpers]

‐...Christmas...
‐[Webby] Get down!

[all gasp]

♪ Life is like a candy cane ♪

♪ Here in Duckburg ♪

♪ Snowflakes, presents
Santa's sleigh ♪

♪ It's a duck blur ♪

♪ Might make bells jingle ♪

♪ Or trap Kris Kringle ♪

♪ DuckTales ♪

♪ Christmas Eve
We're out there ♪

♪ Making DuckTales ♪

♪ Tales of Christmas past ♪

♪ And Yuletide luck tales ♪

How are you able to fly
around the world in one night?

How many cookies can you fit
in your mouth at once?

How much would it cost to get
bumped up on the Nice List?

When are you leaving?

Ho, ho, ho!

What a rambunctious bunch,
brimming with holiday spirit.

Bah, humbug.

I've been lugging these around.

Huey, Dewey, Louie, and Webby.

Um, I prefer my hat.

The itching means
it's functional.

"The Legends of Legendquest II"?

[screams]

You already have
a cellular phone.

But now I can sell this one
and keep the cash.

Best Christmas ever!

Out. You've already
stolen enough from me.

You want to turn my nephews
against me as well?

Please, Scrooge,
not in front of the children.

Santa stole something
from Uncle Scrooge?

That doesn't sound like Santa.

Yes, it does.

What did you steal from Scrooge?

Christmas.

[all gasp]

That's right.

His whole racket was my idea,

but this glory‐hound kept it
all for himself.

We don't have time for this.

I have a sack
of undelivered toys,

a busted leg,
and no other options.

Scroogey, with your belt
so tight,

won't you fly my sleigh tonight?

[sighs] I see.

Prancer said you wouldn't
understand.

[all] The reindeer are here?

I'll just take my sack
full of toys

and hope the children are okay

with Christmas coming late
this year.

‐Oh, no! ‐We're children.

We will not be okay with that.

Come on, Uncle Scrooge.

You got to help Santa
save Christmas.

[Santa whimpering]

Enough of the sad sack routine.

We don't want
what you're selling.

But I know the one thing
you truly want for Christmas.

Oh, by gosh, by golly.

Spit it out already, Kringle!

If you help me,

I promise to never
come around here ever again.

You'll save a fortune on traps.

[grumbles]

Come on, you sanctimonious
solstice swindler.

I cannae believe you talked me
into this again.

‐[all gasp] ‐Again?

It was a long time ago.

‐[wind gusting] ‐[knock on door]

Buy some coal, you blaggart!

I got it. You need it.

So buy it already
so I can come in.

It's freezing out here.

Ugh! Curse me kilts.

[Santa, strained]
♪ Jingle bells ♪

[shivers]

♪ Jingle bells ♪

♪ J‐J‐Jingle all the way ♪

[grunts]

Oi.

What the blazes
are you doing out here

in this deep freeze?

Why, I'm delivering toys

to help get people
through the winter,

by warming their hearts.

‐Ho, ho... ‐[wind gusts]

Oh! It's so cold.

You cannae warm any hearts
if yours is an icicle.

Come on, Mister...

Santa. Santa Claus.

Scrooge McDuck.

Don't bother.
These people are the meanest,

least hospitable bunch of‐‐

[Santa] I beg your pardon, miss.

I'm trying to spread
a little joy this season.

Not to put you out,
but I don't suppose

you'd trade a moment's warmth
and a good cup of cheer

for a gift or two?

Oh, he's with me.

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one‐horse open sleigh ♪

‐♪ Hey ♪ ‐[wind gusts]

Sorry, fun's over.
Fire's gone out.

‐But I'm so cold. ‐Stupid fire.

Oh, friends, what luck.

My fine fellow here
has all the coal you'll need

to warm your homes and hearts.

[all cheer]

Any friend of Santa's
is a friend of mine.

How much coal you got?

Uh, I suppose enough
for all of you, if you‐‐

And do you deliver?
I live very far away.

Uh, how far, exactly?

Why, Scrooge can deliver
to everyone in the world!

At some point this winter.

By Christmas morning!

[all cheer]

Christmas morning?
That's 20 days from now.

How am I going to deliver all
this coal to everyone in time?

Don't worry, I'll help.

What are friends for?

Forget friends.
How about partners?

Why can't it be both?

Ho, ho!

[Webby] What? Scrooge doesn't
have any friends.

‐Dibs on Comet. ‐Cupid.

Donner. No wait, Blitzen.

Oh, they're all so cute!

Get away from those
roof wreckers.

You boys are not going.

You're too susceptible
to his charms.

She licked my face!

The only one allowed
on this mission is Webby.

It's my honor to protect you

from this stocking‐stuffing
stooge.

‐That's not fair!
‐You are ruining Christmas!

Hmm. Checking this twice,
I see some good boys

that are working their way
up the Nice List.

That's us.
He's talking about us.

[Santa] If they behave tonight,

they might get an extra gift
in the morning.

‐Who will? ‐Us!

‐Right! ‐[all laugh]

‐[whip cracks] ‐[whinnies]

[Scrooge] Come on, Webby.

Time to save Christmas
for this North Poltroon.

[Santa] Ha! Good one, Scrooge.

♪ Dashing through the snow ♪

♪ One a one‐horse Open sleigh ♪

♪ Over the fields we go ♪

♪ Laughing all the way ♪

♪ Oh ♪

Some kids may fall
for your whole

"magic of Christmas" routine,

but you can't
buy old Webby with...

‐[toy squeaks] ‐...a doll, or...

a peach candle, or...

[gasps]
...a Thunderhawk Elite Compound
Crossbow with titanium arrows?

Who's this for?

Check the tag.

Oh!

Heh, there's nothing
quite like the joy

of a child on Christmas to keep
you warm on the coldest night.

Webby's too savvy
to fall for your tricks, Claus.

Oh, I'm not at all
excited about this.

Wait, Rome again?

I deliver the gifts
in alphabetical order.

Why don't you do it by country?

Oh, that would be
more practical.

We're running out of time
to save Christmas!

‐Uh, well, not that I care.
‐Don't you worry.

We have all the time we need
thanks to...

[Scrooge] The Feliz Navidiamond.

A legendary gem that can
slow time for one night a year.

Got this off a Spanish sailor
who traded it for coal.

I thought it was just a myth.

Deck my halls.

We slow time and deliver
all the coal in one night.

So where is this
Feliz Navidiamond?

[Scrooge] In there.

Cascabel Cavern.

We just have to survive
Los Renos Voladores.

[Santa] What do you think
that translates to?

[whinnying and grunting]

Flying reindeer!

[snorts]

[grunting]

Stop wasting time and help me!

Wait, how are you doing that?

‐Jingle bells. ‐Jingle bells?

Jingle all the way.

[grunts]

Please, Scrooge,
can we keep them?

‐Please, please, please.
‐Of course you keep
the reindeer.

They've got two horns worth
of deadly efficiency.

Right? It's a staple
of Christmas.

Well, it wasn't back then.

And why do you care, Webbigail?

[clears throat]

Flying reindeer
do nothing for me.

[snorts]

[whispering] It's not true.

♪ Dashing through the snow ♪

♪ On a one‐horse Open sleigh ♪

♪ Over the fields we go ♪

♪ Laughing all the way ♪

♪ Oh, jingle bells
Jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
On a one‐horse open sleigh ♪

Hundreds of cutthroat beagles,

and I'm sticking my neck out
for the one on the Nice List.

[sighs]

I knew I was a good boy.

‐[both gasp] ‐Everyone!

Santa's here to give us
all gifts!

‐[all yawn] ‐Why get one gift

when we can get all the gifts?

‐[all laugh] ‐Back! Back!

‐[bells jingling] ‐[all] Huh?

Ho, ho, hold on!

[all grunt]

Take that, you naughty knaves!

Wait. No!

[both laughing]

I saved you. Now we're even.

[Scrooge] Oh, please,
there's no comparison.

Ah‐ha!

Oh, Tannenbaum.

There it is.

Easy.

Don't want to cross
the guardian.

The guardian?

[roars]

Oh! He doesn't seem so bad.

Don't be naive.

That thing will kill you.

Not if I kill it first...

with kindness.

[stammers and grunts]

[growling]

Beg your pardon,
my good Snowman.

In the spirit of Christmas,

what say you hand me
the Feliz Navidiamond

for this delightful gift?

Whoa!

Someone just made
the Naughty List.

[roars]

[reindeer whinnies]

‐[bells jingle]
‐[Scrooge] Jingle all the way!

[roars]

Eat coal, Frosty.

That is a much better plan.

[grunts]

[roars]

[laughs]

[grunts]

[snarls]

[roars]

[gasps]

[Santa] Did I just stop time?

[Scrooge]
No, you slowed it down.

We're running on Christmas Time.

We did it!

We're in business!
Nothing will stop us now!

[both laugh]

I cannae believe you thought you
could talk your way out of that.

Says the guy
who talked the Sphinx

into a multiple‐choice riddle.

For ancient enemies,
you two really get along.

Seems like old times.

Now, last house.

Thank you, Webbigail,
but I've got it.

What's your angle, Claus?

You just deliver
all these gifts for free,

and expect nothing out of it?

Oh, I get the greatest
gift of all:

a warm heart.

The joy of giving just to give,
without a thought of getting.

That's not an angle.
That's Christmas.

You and Scrooge
are the perfect pair:

two red‐coated mythical
immortals traveling the world.

What happened?

The worst Christmas of my life.

[footsteps crunching]

♪ Jingle coal, jingle coal
Jingle coal the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun
to warm your home ♪

♪ For a ha'penny a day, hey ♪

[laughs]

Merry Christmas Eve.

Got the route all figured out,

and got carrots for those
rapscallion reindeer.

We take flight at dawn.

‐[slurps] ‐Uh, well,

I thought maybe,

if you thought it was
a good idea,

that we could go tonight

so people can wake up to
a surprise on Christmas morning.

Oh, you old softy.

They cannae pay us for the coal
if they're asleep.

Oh. Actually, I was kind of
sort of thinking

we could give it away.

I will not participate
in free handouts.

‐[all gasp]
‐But we can't charge
on Christmas.

Think of it as a promotion.

A gift to warm their hearts.

We're warming their homes.
Who cares about their hearts?

Me. I care.

Think practically.
We're the perfect team.

I provide the coal
and the know‐how.

You trick people into letting us
into their homes

with your whole holly jolly
"Christmas is Magic" act.

It's not an act.

A warm heart can carry you
through the coldest times.

Christmas is magic.

Giving things away for free?

That's not magic,
that's a terrible business plan.

We may as well give away
your ridiculous toys.

Well, maybe I will.

[all gasp]

Listen, Santa,

you're my partner.

My friend.

And I don't have very many
of either.

But it's your call.

It's either your
Christmas thing, or me.

It'll never catch on.

What am I doing? This is crazy.

We can help.

No, no, Christmas
is a sad story?

That's why I was so excited
to work with Scrooge again.

There's one more gift to give
after this, and it's for him.

Is it under all
the other toys, or...?

All the other toys?

Wait, if the sack
is still full...

What have we been delivering
all night?

Oh, no.

No, no, no!

I'm sure Santa won't mind
if I sneak a little peek.

Bottom of the Nice List
is still the Nice List.

What the‐‐?

Wait, is this coal?

No more useless trinkets

that get played with once
and tossed aside.

This year, old Scrooge
is finally giving the people

what they need.

[girl shivering]

[teeth chattering]

Oh, this place is in
desperate need of warmth.

[whimpering]

[gasps]

Stranger danger!

What? Oh!

Quite the right hook there.

Santa?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I thought you were a burglar.

Sneaking down a chimney
in the dead of night

is quite suspect.

Next year,
I recommend laying traps.

Like a snare,
or more of a deadfall?

Ah‐ha! Even a good fire
ought to stop them.

Here, this'll help.

What kind of toy is this?

One of our most
powerful resources.

[gasps] Love?

No! Coal.

Hi, I'm Jennifer.

What's your name?

I'm Colette.

You can use that
to stoke the fire

and heat things up.

‐Here. ‐No! Don't hurt Colette!

I love her so much already.

You'd love her more
when she warms up this place.

‐If I could just‐‐
‐But if you burn her,

she'll be gone forever.

What is with everyone?

When I was a poor lad,

I would've killed
for a lump of coal on Christmas.

It may not be the frivolous
thing you want,

but it's the practical thing
you need to give you warmth

for even just one night.

And what could do that better?

A warm heart can carry you
through the coldest times.

Stuff me stockings,
what have I done?

‐I've got to fix this before‐‐
‐[pounding on door]

Scrooge!

You delivered coal
instead of gifts all night?

Two Santas?

Hello, Jennifer.

Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas.

Here's the Eleanor Roostervelt
doll you asked for.

‐Ah! ‐Who even uses coal anymore

except to tell kids
they've been bad?

How could you ruin Christmas?

I ruined it?

What about him
and his "broken" leg?

He's a fa‐la‐la‐la‐liar!

Oh. Yes. It hurts so much.

Why did you come to me
with a fake injury?

How could you let me
ruin Christmas?

Kids all over the world
believe in you.

And I believe in you, Scrooge.

I thought if you saw the joy of
giving away toys on Christmas,

you'd finally come around
and we could be friends again.

Santa Claus was willing
to risk Christmas...

Because he wanted
to spend it with me.

I can't help it.

We make a great team.

[humming]

[Webby]
This is heartwarming and all,

but what are we going to do?

The sun's coming up.

And the Feliz Navidiamond
is almost out of power.

There's no way the sleigh
can re‐deliver

all the gifts in time.

Oh, come now,
where's your Christmas spirit?

You just need
to think practically.

Ever heard of
divide and conquer?

Delivering presents for Santa

was way better than trying
to destroy him!

Whee!

Ow!

I've never crashed
a flying reindeer before.

And you never will.

Whoo‐hoo!

And the last gift
has been delivered.

Or should I say, Dew‐livered?

‐Please don't. ‐Oh, no.

Well, at least
we saved Christmas.

Look at that.
One last gift to deliver.

It better be in Duckburg,
because I'm freezing up here.

Quit complaining,
you greedy Glaswegian grinch.

[Scrooge]
"McDuck and Claus Delivery."

You know, the sound
isn't as annoying as I remember.

I got you a little something
as well.

[Santa] Oh.

Cool.

Now I could open my car door
from afar...

if I had a car.

Hit the button.

[alarm chirps]

The traps are off.

You're welcome at my home
anytime.

Just don't come down the chimney
like some creep.

And so Scrooge welcomed Santa,
thus ending their fight.

‐Claiming...
‐Happy Christmas to all,

and to all a good night.

[Santa] Ho, ho! Whoa‐ho!

♪ Duckburg Christmas ♪

♪ Is a time for peace ♪

♪ And giving ♪

♪ And spreading joy to all ♪

♪ And when long‐past friends ♪

♪ Have made amends ♪

♪ Good cheer will never end ♪

♪ On Duckburg Christmas ♪