Drop Dead Diva (2009–2014): Season 5, Episode 12 - Guess Who's Coming - full transcript

Bobbi Dobkins' (guest star Sharon Lawrence) arrest for hiring a male prostitute exposes some unorthodox steps she's taken to improve her sex life. Grayson (Jackson Hurst) fights to keep a client's divorce case from being moved to Wyoming.

See that aspiring model there?

That's me... Deb...
until the day I died.

I thought I'd go straight to heaven,

but there was a bit of a mix-up,

and I woke up in someone else's body.

[ Screams ]

So now I'm Jane,

a super-busy lawyer
with my very own assistant.

I got a new life, a new wardrobe,

and the only people who really
know what's going on with me

are my girlfriend Stacy
and my guardian angel, Paul.



I used to think everything
happened for a reason.

Whoo!
[ Laughs ]

Now, I sure hope I was right.

Drop Dead Diva 5x12 - Guess Who's Coming
Original air date October 27, 2013

That would be 18 days, Bob.

[ Ding ]
Yes, that is correct.

Mario Lopez and Ali Landry

were married for exactly 18 days.

And now for the final question
to break our three-way tie.

Los Angeles County Code 17.20.010

makes it illegal to...?

Roller skate in a public library.

Jane Bingum, you've just won
a trip for two to Paris!

Oh, my God!



The most romantic city in the world.

And now for your big decision.

Who's the lucky fella
you'll be taking on your trip?

Well, um, at the moment,
I'm single, so...

See, I love Grayson,
but he is with Nicole.

And while I know that he's
my soul mate, I think I'm...

[ Buzzer ]
Jane, Jane, this isn't therapy.

This is a game show.

No boyfriend, no romantic vacation.

- What?
- But we do have

the perfect prize just for you.

A dinette set for one

with a lifetime guarantee of dining alone.

Let's give it up for Jane, everyone.

[ Applause ]

No! No!!

[ Gasps ]

Another cup?

Why not?

Not really looking forward
to work today.

What? Come on. You love your work.

You just don't want to see
Grayson and Nicole together.

Well, they'll probably be all handsy

since they just spent a romantic
weekend in Santa Barbara.

Do you remember our big
couples trip to Santa Barbara

when you were still
in your original body?

Yeah. Me and Grayson
and you and Michael Beck.

[ Laughs ]

You nearly got us
thrown out of that resort

when that family
caught the two of you together.

Well, how were we supposed to know

that the hot tub
was actually a kiddie pool?

I wonder what happened to Michael.

You know, you swore after you broke up

you'd be friends forever.

Yeah. Well, you know how that goes.

Anyway, I've got just the thing

to take your mind off of Grayson...

- Yoga.
- Hmm.

Yogi Rodney is teaching
a special class at noon.

He's so spiritual. Even Owen is going.

You got Owen to go to yoga?

If seeing me and Owen together
is a problem,

I totally understand.

No, it's not.
[ Chuckles ]

And even if it was that,
I am working through it.

Well, Yogi Rodney is the best.

I promise you, for 90 minutes,

your mind will travel to places
you have never been.

Wyoming? You're assigning me
a case in Wyoming?

I need you to make an appearance

for an old friend of mine,
Dustin Wycott.

He and his wife live in Los Angeles.

Last year, she decided to purchase

a vacation home in Wyoming.

When they were done remodeling,
bam, she filed for divorce

- in Wyoming.
- Ouch.

Unlike California, Wyoming
has no community-property laws.

Let me guess... she's the breadwinner,

and Wyoming law will save her
a ton in the divorce.

Bigtime.
His wife's name is Lonna Wycott.

She's the founder of Lonna's Lotions.

Facial in a Jar.

She's worth millions.

Your job is to convince a Wyoming judge

to cede jurisdiction
of the divorce to California.

One problem...
I can't practice law in Wyoming.

Yes, you can.

I have an order
admitting you pro hac vice,

a plane ticket, and a client file.

Enjoy the cowboy state.

[ Elevator bell dings ]

Good morning.

For you, maybe. I got a plane to catch.

[ Gasps ]
Is that Facial in a Jar?

Lonna is my skin-care goddess.

Look at my pores.
Can't see them, can you? No?

- Can I have this?
- Sure.

So, uh, Lonna's divorcing her husband.

I'm representing him in Wyoming.

[ Elevator bell dings ]
Oh. Good luck.

Oh, uh, Jane, let's grab dinner
when I get back.

- Is everything okay?
- Oh, yeah.

You know, I just, uh, want to talk,

you know, out of the office.

Okay. It's a date.
[ Chuckles ]

I mean... well, you know what I mean.

Hey, boss. Urgent message.

Christophe had a cancellation and
he's able to do my highlights?

Sadly, no. Bobbi Dobkins was arrested.

- They're holding her at lockup.
- What?

Oh, my God! Um, um, call the precinct.

Tell the desk sergeant
that I'm on my way.

[ Cellphone rings ]

Hey.

Stace, listen, I can't make yoga.

Oh, come on! I want you
to see my new yoga pants.

Wait. You sound stressed.

Were Grayson and Nicole
French-kissing in the bullpen?

- No. My mom has been arrested.
- Which mom?

My mom. Deb's mom.

I'll call you later, okay?

[ Buzzer ]
Oh, thank God.

Bobbi. Oh.

I feel terrible bothering you.

No. God. You are never a bother.

I would have called Grayson,

but the circumstances are...
are too personal.

Well, you can tell me anything.

Think of me as... your family.

Now, come on. Tell me what happened.

I have been arrested for...

[ Voice breaking ]
I can't even say it.

Bobbi, what?

I've been arrested for...

hiring a guy to change my oil.

Well, was he an unlicensed mechanic,

because if you didn't know...

No, no.

He was gonna clean my pipes.

I'm sorry. I still don't follow.

Jane, I've been charged
with solicitation.

Solicitation? Solicitation of what?

Solicitation of sex.

What?!

I've been charged
with hiring a male prostitute.

You hired a man for sex?

Well, I didn't think
that's what I was doing.

It was just a cute guy in a bar.

Okay. Okay. You know what?

Let's start at the beginning.

My dance team had just won
the Star America competition.

- Yay!
- And not to brag,

but my choreography was pretty fabulous.

Well, I'm sure it was.

So, um, after I dropped
the team off at the studio,

I really wasn't ready to go home.

You wanted to continue celebrating.

I decided to treat myself

to glass of champagne at the Garrison...

Okay.

...which is where I met the young man.

How young?

He was... twenty-something.

Oh. Okay.

After some small talk,

he asked me to take him back
to his apartment, and, uh...

Mm-hmm.

...the flirtation developed
into something... more...

and... then he just whipped out his...

Whoa. I... I get the picture.

- I was gonna say "badge."
- Oh.

At first, I thought it was just a game.

But he was an undercover cop.

The apartment was a trap
set up by the LAPD vice

as part of a sting operation.

You know, I thought it was odd

that he wanted me
to go back to his place,

because normally we go back to mine.

Wait. Normally?

Let's just say I'm experiencing
a bit of a s... sexual renaissance.

Oh... dear. Um...

Okay.

Bobbi, the police look for key phrases

that indicate intent to pay for sex,

so did you say anything

that they could have misinterpreted?

No!

I mean, none of this makes any sense.

Okay.

This cannot get out.

I teach children to dance,

and this really could destroy
the business.

Listen, we are going to
get you out on bail,

and then I'm gonna go speak
to the A.D.A.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Don't worry.

[ Bell ringing ]

Tadasana.

[ Chuckles ]

Uttanasana.

[ Chuckles ]

Rough crowd. I'm just a beginner.

Tadasana.

[ Men chuckling ]

Excuse me, but some of us are
trying to focus on our chakras.

Stacy, you need to stand up right now.

- What?
- Your pants are see-through.

What?
[ Gasps ]

Young lady, your mula bandha is showing.

Oh, my God!

- We got to go. Let's go.
- Okay, okay.

Tadasana.

Nicole, have you seen Teri?

Uh, courthouse or gynecologist.

- What?
- I'm sorry.

I... I can't remember, but, um, she told me

to give you your messages.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay. These are all Owen's messages.

Okay.

Ah.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay, Nicole, I need you
to call the A.D.A.'s office

and set up a meeting.

[ Sighs ]

You know what?
I'll... I'll do it myself.

Thank you, again, for coming
all the way out to Wyoming.

Mr. Wycott, I got to ask you.

At any time, did you and Lonna

plan on living in Wyoming permanently?

No. No, she told me the house
was just for vacations.

And when she served you
with the divorce papers,

how long had you two been
staying in the Wyoming house?

About 2 1/2 months.

Did you return to L.A. during that time,

even for a short trip?

We were supposed to go back
for a wedding,

but Lonna got sick and we had to cancel.

Let me guess...

after the wedding,
she made a speedy recovery?

Yeah. How did you know?

You need to be living in
Wyoming for 60 consecutive days

in order to get divorced in this state.

[ Scoffs ]
You know, when we got married,

I vowed to make her happy
no matter what.

I even gave up my career
to help her with her business.

And to find out that she tricked
me into moving to Wyoming

so that she could get
a bigger divorce settlement...

it's just wrong.

Jane. You wanted to see me?

Yeah. Bobbi Dobkins.

[ Chuckling ]
She's not a John.

I mean, she's
an upstanding businessperson.

Do you know how many
upstanding businesspeople

get arrested for solicitation?

My client believed
that she had a real connection

with that undercover cop.

As a personal favor,
please, drop the charges.

Issue a warning.

Two weeks ago, maybe. But not now.

Cracking down on sex crimes
is a priority for the new mayor.

So, your boss, the D.A.,
needs to show off.

- Jane, your client's guilty.
- She is an honest woman.

She swears she never
even offered the man money.

No. But she did offer something.

So, you're offering me dance lessons?

Oh, yeah.

I can offer you salsa lessons
or tango lessons

or even... ballroom lessons.
[ Chuckles ]

Well, how many lessons
are we talking about?

Um... how many?

Well, how about one for every orgasm?

You know I'm a pro, right?

Yes, sir. It's clear you are no amateur.

Well, I'm a police officer,
and you're under arrest.

[ Chuckles ]
That's cute.

Officer Hicks, does this video
accurately depict

the negotiation that occurred
between you and the defendant?

Yes.

No further questions.

[ Clears throat ]
Apart from dance lessons,

did my client offer you anything else?

No, ma'am.

[ Chuckling ]
Your Honor, salsa for sex?

This is hardly solicitation.

The statute requires an offer of money

or other consideration
in exchange for sexual acts.

In people vs. Guidry, a doctor
offered medical services.

In people vs. Beam, a tow-truck
driver offered towing services.

Hello. Miss Dobkins
did not offer services.

What she offered was more of an...

...incentive.

The dance lessons have
a monetary value, do they not?

Technically, yes, but...

Then there's enough here
to proceed to trial.

Your Honor, we're only here

because my client's wife
bought a second home in Wyoming

to make it look like they moved here.

That's ridiculous.

Mr. Wycott is simply trying to
claw his way back to California

in order to squeeze more money
out of his wife

- in the divorce settlement.
- Come on!

They got married in L.A. and
have lived there for 11 years.

What's more plausible...
that the Wyoming house

is a vacation spot
or that they woke up one day

and decided to give it all up
for life in Wyoming?

Mr. Kent, if you believe
living in our fair state

means giving it all up,

then clearly, you've never
canoed the mist of Jackson Lake

or witnessed the grandeur
of Old Faithful.

Make sure you don't miss
the cowgirls of the West Museum.

Of course. What I meant to say was...

The purpose of this hearing
is to determine

where this marriage was
geographically situated...

California or Wyoming.

To that end, I believe
home is where the heart is.

I'd like to know where Dustin
and Lonna planned their lives,

intended to raise a family,
and joined a community.

So tomorrow, I expect to see
some evidence with heart.

Your Honor,
the law clearly stipulates...

Save it, Mr. Kent.

And next time I see you,

I expect your feet to be in boots.

[ Gavel bangs ]

Sign of respect. We're adjourned.

[ Door opens ]

Mr. Saginaw? Hi.

My client would like to make
a personal appeal to you.

Okay.

[ Door closes ]

I take full responsibility for my actions,

and I promise to never put
myself in that position again.

Jane, I told you my hands were tied.

Well, I know you told me,
but you didn't tell her.

Come on.

As an A.D.A.,

you see so many awful people
who do horrible things.

All she's asking for
is a little compassion.

Okay. Fine.

In exchange
for a misdemeanor guilty plea,

no jail time and a minimum fine.

And we keep this quiet?

Works for me.

Assuming you don't challenge
the asset forfeiture.

- Wait. What?
- Any vehicle driven by a... John

is automatically seized by the city.

That's my dance van.

I... I can barely afford
the payments as it is.

I cannot afford a new one.

I seriously doubt the D.A.'s office

needs a van that says
"Little Deb's Dancers."

The city's broke.
Asset recovery is mandatory.

We cannot accept your terms.

Then I can't accept your apology.

[ Knock on door ]

Jane, I am sorry about earlier today.

I was distracted.

Oh, no. I hardly noticed. But thank you.

I was completely unprofessional, and...

I let my relationship issues
get in the way of work.

Wait. Your relationship issues?

I am sorry.
I am being really inappropriate.

Nicole, no!

Listen, I... I know we aren't close,

but if you're going through something...

You know, I like to think
of this firm as a family.

You know?

So you should feel free to just vent.

[ Chuckles ]

Grayson broke up with me.

Oh.

Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry.

I should have seen it coming.
You know what?

This is probably the last thing

that you need to be worried about,

so I am sorry to have bothered you.

No! Nicole.
[ Chuckling ] No.

You are no bother, believe me.

Maybe you'll feel better
if you talk about it.

[ Sighs ]

Yeah.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

We stopped for dinner
on the way to Santa Barbara.

Mm-hmm.

At the table, Grayson was... distant.

Mm.

He insisted he was fine, but I pushed.

Then he admitted he...
he didn't think I was... the one.

Wow.

Oh, well, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, I... I want to hate him, but I can't.

I mean, I know he tried really
hard to make it work with me,

but...

Well, Jane,
have you ever dated a gay guy?

- Grayson is not gay.
- No.

I mean, in high school.
I dated three in a row.

They all wanted to be
the perfect boyfriend,

but they couldn't because
their heart just wasn't in it.

Well, Grayson's heart
just wasn't in... us.

It's as if he...
he's in love with someone else.

Oh.

Anyways, thanks for listening.
Good night, Jane.

Oh, Stace, I am so glad you're up.

You are never gonna believe this. Oh.

Sorry. Are you meditating?

I'm trying to, but I can't.
My third eye is blind.

My Om Sport yoga pants are see-through.

And yesterday, the entire class
saw my mula bandha.

I can never show my face in there again.

Come on. Yoga students are enlightened.

Maybe in India, but not in L.A.

There's a photo on Instagram.

Oh, God. I'm so sorry, sweetie.

Anyway, what can I not believe?

Guess who broke up before they
ever made to Santa Barbara?

Grayson and Nicole!

Ooh, this is big.

Jane, you need to seize the day.

The way Grayson dates,
you got to get in there

before he jumps to someone else.

But then I'm the rebound? No way.

Nicole is the rebound. You're the bound.

You are bound to be
with Grayson, finally.

Well, right now,
he's in Wyoming on a case,

but we are having dinner
when he gets back.

We should pick out an outfit...
something that says,

"if you don't ravage me soon,
I am going to scream."

Oh, I wish I could. I got to
go to court and defend my mom.

Oh. How's that going?

Get to tell a roomful of strangers

all about my mom's sex life.

Good luck with that.

Thanks.

[ Breathes deeply ]

Mr. Wycott, where do you live?

California. Lonna and I
created a life in L.A.

Can you give examples to prove it?

Every Christmas, we go to Disney Hall.

- We already have our tickets.
- We sold those tickets.

A month ago, we R.S.V.P.'d to
join our Jackson Hole neighbors

for the holiday jamboree.

Our wedding album is still on
our coffee table in Los Angeles.

Our walls are covered
with family photos.

I scanned our photos.

In our new home, we have digital
picture frames in every room.

Every Sunday in L.A.,
we go to Venice Beach.

- We take a dip in the ocean.
- Every Sunday in Jackson Hole,

we go horseback riding and have lunch

at the Saddle House Grill...

half the price,
and the waiters know our names.

Ms. Wycott, do you have any proof

that your husband intended
to move here permanently?

Dustin gave me this card

just after we bought our house
in Wyoming.

"To my one and only, Happy Birthday..."

"the first of many
in our new home, sweet home."

I request a recess, Your Honor.

Not necessary, Mr. Kent.

I've heard enough to find

that Wyoming does have
jurisdiction over this divorce.

Tomorrow morning,
I'd like to see both parties

with settlement offers
as per Wyoming law.

We are adjourned.

Owen, you wanted to see me?

Stacy, I'd like you to meet Jamie Nance,

manager of the L.A. branch
of Om Sport Yoga.

Hello.

I was so sorry to hear about
the incident in yoga class.

I'm here to apologize
on behalf of Om Sport.

Those pants were defective

and should have never left your factory.

We agree.

Unfortunately, it was a one-in-a-million

manufacturing mistake.

We hope you'll accept our
apologies and a $500 gift card.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Owen. That was so sweet.

My pleasure.

Now you can continue
your spiritual path.

$500 of spandex
will not restore my dignity.

I am still the laughingstock
at Yogi Rodney's.

Stacy, come on. You know what?

Tomorrow, you and I are going
back to Yogi Rodney's class.

I appreciate what you're trying to...

Bupbup-bup. I will not take no
for an answer.

My name is Clayton Barclay.
I'm a bartender at the Garrison.

Mr. Barclay, what's the average age

of the female patrons at the bar?

Between 40 and 55.

And the male patrons?

About the same,
except for Wednesday nights.

And what's so different
about Wednesday nights?

We have a cougar night,

so it's older women, younger guys.

And the younger guys...
are they prostitutes?

Some of them are, yes.

Objection. Speculation.

Unless Mr. Barclay is an expert
at identifying male prostitutes.

Sustained.

Last question...
do you recognize the defendant?

Vodka tonic, two limes.

Thank you.
[ Clears throat ]

Mr. Barclay, have you ever heard
my client solicit a man for sex?

- No.
- And are all the men

who go to the Garrison
on Wednesday nights gigolos?

[ Chuckles ]
No.

No more questions.

Ms. Dobkins has a tab at the bar?

Yes. Uh, it's just shy of $200.

$200.

Okay, this isn't "Mad Men."
Women buy men drinks, right?

- Get over it.
- Get to your point, Mr. Saginaw.

Did Ms. Dobkins ever offer

to pay down her tab with dance lessons?

Yes, she offered the entire
staff cha-cha lessons, actually.

Let the record reflect
that the defendant

clearly views her dance lessons
as a form of currency.

This isn't good, is it?

No.

So, Bobbi,
I need to put you on the stand.

No.

I... I cannot talk about...

my sex life with a bunch of people.

The jury needs to see you are
a professional and mature adult.

It's too late for that, isn't it?

[ Sighing ]
Oh, this is so embarrassing.

Bobbi!

- Hey!
- Hi!

Tell me about court.

Did Jane deliver an amazing argument

to wow the jury and save the day?

[ Singsong voice ]
Not yet.

- Did you hear my big news?
- Hmm?

I'm pregnant.

Oh, Stacy!

- Wow.
- Thank you.

Well, listen, ladies,
I'm gonna let you catch up,

'cause I need to prepare
an amazing argument

to wow the jury.

Wow.

- So, you're gonna have a baby.
- Mm-hmm.

I realized there's nothing in the world

I wanted more than to be a mom.

I know that feeling. Yeah.

I remember buying baby clothes
even before I was pregnant.

[ Gasps ]

Oh. Wow.

Uh, do... when are you due?

Do you... do you have,
uh, names... picked out?

Bobbi, are you okay?

Oh, I'm just flushed, that's all.

I don't mean to pry,

but, um, are you having a hot flash?

[ Laughs ]

Ooh, no, no. It's definitely not that.

- It's... can you keep a secret?
- I sure can.

Jane still thinks Owen
is the one who deleted

the season finale of
"The Bachelorette" from our DVR.

Gosh. This is so personal.

But, uh, I had a... a little procedure done

to enlarge my G-spot.

And while this has done
wonders for my sex life,

every once in a while,
I'll get these sort of

just spontaneous sen-sations!

Are you having one right now?

Please, don't tell anybody,
n... not even Jane, okay? Really.

And I'm gonna go... oh...

j... just put some water on my face.

Okay. I will... it's good to...
[Gasping] see you.

Jane? Do you have a second?

Sure. Of course.

So, um, Judge Kaufman
is looking for a new clerk.

I was wondering if you would
make a call on my behalf.

Is this about Grayson?

I would like to move on
to other opportunities.

Understood. I'll make that call today.

- Thank you.
- No problem.

Hi.

Oh. You're busy?

No, no, no. No.

I was just helping out a co-worker.

Between us, Grayson broke up with her,

and now she wants out of here.

Oh. Hmm. Another one bites the dust.

Well, you know,
finding a soul mate takes time.

Grayson already found his soul mate,

and now every woman he dates
is compared to Deb.

Well, not to take
anything away from Deb,

but I know Grayson pretty well,
and I think he's gonna find

another equally suitable soul mate.

Well, I'm sorry, but I don't
think he'll ever settle down.

Well, maybe you're projecting

your own issues onto Grayson, you know?

The way you jump from bed to bed.

Excuse me?!

I don't think you know anything
about my issues.

Well, I've actually learned
a lot about you

in the past 48 hours.

Oh, wow. That was
unprofessional. I'm gonna go.

Bobbi, I... I...
[ Sighs ]

That came out wrong.
[ Sighs ]

Business records for my wife's company.

What are you looking for?

Wyoming doesn't recognize
community property,

but you quit your job to help
Lonna with her business,

so maybe we can find some
reimbursement for your time.

Okay.
[ Chuckles ]

Thanks.

You doing okay, man?

[ Sighs ]

You know, for 11 years,
Lonna was my whole world.

And now I see her in the courtroom,

and she feels like a complete stranger.

I understand.

I know it's not the exact same thing.

But a few years ago,
I lost someone close to me.

I'm sorry.

The judge said
home is where the heart is.

Maybe he's right. I don't know.

But I can tell you
one thing I know for certain...

in order to heal,
the heart needs to move on.

It doesn't mean
we give up our old memories,

but we have to create new ones.

How's that going for you?

Let's just say I'm working on it.

[ Chuckles ]

All right.

Hey, Dustin.

Um, when Lonna suggested
the Wyoming house,

did you have any idea she wasn't
happy in the relationship?

No.

Things seemed good between us,
or so I thought.

Anything unusual happen
around that time?

Uh, I remember she went to the
cosmetic conference in Atlanta.

When she came back,
she suggested the vacation home.

So, a woman who lives in Los Angeles

goes to a conference in Atlanta,

then decides she wants to buy
a house in Wyoming?

Doesn't that strike you as odd?

It does when you put it like that.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Piano playing softly ]

Hi.

I want to apologize.

I am so sorry for what I said
to you yesterday.

Thank you.

And I can be a little
overprotective of Grayson.

Well, you were being protective of Deb.

And I respect that.

It's hard for me to see him
with anybody but her.

Yeah. I understand that.

You know, and we're both
pretty upset about your case.

I know that you hate the idea,
but I really think

our best move in court
is to put you on the stand.

All right. If you think
it's that important.

I do. I want the jury to relate to you.

Oh, you know what?

You should wear
your vintage bouclé suit.

It's perfect.

How do you know about my vintage bouclé?

Stacy.

She showed me pictures of,
um, Deb's sweet-16 party.

[ Chuckling ]
That... that party cost me a fortune.

She had to have it at Trader Vic's,

and every table had to have
a flaming pupu platter.

Well, I'm sure it was worth every cent.

Okay, I've gone through all of
your wife's business receipts,

and I need to discuss
something with you.

Okay.

Okay, last year,
Lonna's conference was six days.

For the first three,
her morning room-service order

was eggs benedict, orange juice,
and a doughnut.

Yeah, Lonna likes to cheat
on her diet when she travels.

For the next three days,
she ordered two of everything

plus a glass of half-cranberry,
half-grapefruit juice.

Grapefruit juice? No way.

No, she thinks
it'll make her skin break out.

I hate to say this,

but I think Lonna was cheating
on more than her diet.

All right, everyone.
Take your positions.

Owen, I want to go home.

Everyone's already looking at me.

Trust me. When class starts,
nobody's gonna be looking at you.

Uttanasana.

All right.

Owen, those are my pants.

That's right. My mula bandha.

Take it in, people. Drink it up.

[ Laughs ]

Ms. Dobkins,
just one important question.

Do you frequently offer
free dance classes

with no expectations
of anything in return?

Absolutely. I love what I do.

Everybody should dance.

No further questions.

Were you aware that the Garrison

has a reputation
as a hot spot for prostitution?

I had no idea.

And it is not as if the guys walk around

with name tags that say
"hello. I'm a gigolo."

Are you familiar with
this issue of "L.A. Weekly"?

Uh, yes, I have... I've...

have seen that before.
[ Exhales sharply ]

We found it in your van.

I've underlined a review
of the Garrison.

Would you read it, please?

Hmm.

[ Gasps ]

"On on Wednesday nights,
the Garrison is the best place"

"for women of a certain age...
to solicit sex..."

Do you need a minute, Ms. Dobkins?

Bobbi, are you okay?

I'm... fine.

"...bar... And it's atmo... sphere!"

Someone call the paramedics!
She's having a heart attack!

[ Breathing heavily ]

Ohh!

Jane, really, I'm fine,

and I would like
to check myself out now.

The doctors need to run some tests.

[ Sighs ]

The only reason that I'm in here
is because you told

the paramedics that I was
having a heart attack.

Well, you were sweating
and stammering and...

I know, but it was not my heart.

It was an orgasm.

What?

An orgasm.

And I have not been able to control them

since I had a little procedure
called a G-shot.

Oh, God. I'm so confused.

Collagen is injected
directly into the G-spot

to increase pleasure and sexual desire.

Okay. Why on earth would you do this?

Jane, I lost my drive.

Maybe that's just, you know,

'cause you weren't
in a meaningful relationship.

Relationship.
[ Sighs ]

Do you know what it's like
out there for women like me?

The older guys... they're
looking for trophy wives,

and the younger guys just want to party.

My idea of a big Friday night

was a pot of green tea
and blogging about knitting.

I mean, really, I was in a rut

until I saw that "L.A. Weekly" ad.

So you did know the bar's reputation?

No, no. I... I never read that article.

But I had the magazine in my van

because it had an advertisement
for the G-shot.

Okay.

See, I thought that if the shot
could make me feel sexual again,

then men might see me that way.

You could have called me.
We could have talked about that.

Oh, honey, you're sweet, but I
wasn't looking for conversation.

I wanted intimacy.

And I wanted to be touched.

I guess this shot
still seems extreme, you know?

Men have Viagra.

And this really isn't that different.

And the results are...

magic, really.

Except for that one side effect...

these occasional spontaneous orgasms.

How common are these side effects?

Well, the day after the shot,
it started up,

so I went right back to the doctor,

and he said that I am one-in-a-million

but that they would diminish
over the next couple of weeks.

Oh, Bobbi.

I think your G-spot just saved the case.

Any idea where your client is, Mr. Kent?

I'm supposed to meet my family
at the Wagon Wheel.

Oh, he'll be here any minute.

Good morning. Sorry I'm late.

I brought juice.

You do not intend to drink that in here.

No. It's not for me.

It's for opposing counsel.

Half-cranberry, half-grapefruit juice.

You drink that every morning, don't you?

- Yeah, uh...
- Come on, A.J.

Anybody who's ever
had breakfast with you

knows you order that crap.

But why are you bringing juice
to opposing counsel?

We subpoenaed room-service
records from the Atlanta hotel

where Lonna attended a cosmetic
conference a year ago.

Well, it turns out
A.J. was at the same hotel

for a legal symposium.

For three days,
he ordered juice to his room,

then he ordered it to hers.

What the hell are you implying?

Well, it doesn't take a genius
to understand the implication.

You are having an affair
with your attorney.

And that affair predates
the Wyoming house,

which shows that Lonna induced Dustin

to buy that house under false pretenses.

Your Honor, how does the fine
state of Wyoming treat fraud?

Among the toughest in the nation.

I strongly encourage you
to settle this divorce

and give Dustin everything
he's entitled to

in California.

Your Honor,
I'm moving to dismiss the case

- against Bobbi Dobkins.
- On what grounds?

Because my client was
unable to form the requisite

specific intent to commit
the crime of solicitation.

- That's ridiculous.
- Actually, it's science.

Because of the side effects
of a medical procedure,

Ms. Dobkins has been suffering

from a condition
known as hypersexual disorder.

What procedure?

She got a G-shot in her G-spot,

and hypersexuality is a rare
but well-documented side effect.

This is ludicrous.
The G-spot doesn't even exist.

Is that the official position
of the state of California,

or have you just not found it yet?

Well...

And hypersensitivity of the G-spot

can lead to a state of neural arousal

which impairs judgment...

the judgment necessary to form intent.

This is absurd.

We have sworn statements
from my client's doctor

which documents our claim.

Unless you can disprove
the medical testimony,

Ms. Bingum has made
a compelling argument.

And this case is dismissed.
[ Gavel bangs ]

Oh!

Oh, thank you, Jane.

Thank you. Thank you.

[ Clears throat ]

Stacy. Wow!

You look so zen, I almost
mistook you for the Dalai Lama.

Thanks, but you do realize

the Dalai Lama's, like, an 80-year-old man?

[ Laughs ] You know what?
Let me take you to dinner.

We can celebrate your triumphant
return to Yogi Rodney's class.

[ Sighs ]

What you did today

was the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

- It was nothing.
- It was everything.

It reminded me of why I chose
you to be my sperm donor.

Thank you.

Here's the thing.

I've never been
in a successful relationship.

Owen... I think we need to break up

before I mess this up and then you hate me.

I could never hate you.

I promise if things
don't work out between us,

we'll always be friends.

You see, that's exactly
what Michael Beck said.

Who?

He was this guy that I dated years ago,

and I thought he was the one

until we took a couples trip
to Santa Barbara.

On the way back, we got into a
fight over an Elton John song.

Michael insisted it was
"Hold me closer, Tony Danza."

I tried to tell him nicely
that he was wrong,

and the next thing you know, we
were fighting about everything.

We broke up.

He calls "Loveline" and tells Dr. Drew

that one of my boobs
was bigger than the other.

Not true, by the way.

Stacy, I'm not Michael Beck.

I know, but I'm still Stacy.

And suppose this gets serious
and then we break up.

And things could get ugly,
and I don't want my child

to be around parents
who don't get along.

I want my child to respect you

and not be colored by mean things

that I might say about you
because of Tony Danza.

[ Voice breaking ]
So for the sake of the baby,

we need to break up.

I actually, uh...

I understand.

But just know I won't give up on us.

I should go.

Stacy.

With your heart and my hot mula bandha,

that's one lucky kid.

Yeah.

[ Sighs ]

[ Knock on door ]

Hi.

I wanted to say thank you.

You got the job.

Judge Kaufman said, with
your glowing recommendation,

she had to hire me.

I start tomorrow.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

And because it happened so quickly,

I can get out of here
before Grayson gets back.

Yeah.

You know what, Nicole?

For what it's worth,

Grayson's lack of commitment
was never about you.

You're fabulous.

You're gonna meet somebody else.

Damn right I will.

[ Laughs ]

Goodbye, Jane.

Bye.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Oh. Hi. Hi.

I'm so glad that you could make it.

I'm so glad you called.

You know, I've been meaning to tell you,

legal troubles aside,
I'm actually really impressed

that you took control of your sexuality.

Well, from here on out,

I'll just choose the men more carefully.

Well, sure.

[ Chuckles ]

How about you? Are you dating anyone?

Um, oh. Grayson.

Grayson? Oh, Grayson. Right.

I asked him to... to join us.

Hello, ladies.

So, how was Wyoming?

Let's just say it made me miss L.A.

Hmm.

Drinks on me.

Chardonnay for you
and a vodka tonic, two limes.

Good memory.

Jane, for the record, I was wrong.

Wrong about what?

I never thought that Grayson
could look at anybody

the way he looked at Deb,

but he does.

You.

That's... ridiculous. Really?

And it makes sense,

because the way
you were defending him...

you have feelings.

Well...

Ever since we met,
I thought we had a special bond,

so I'm just gonna say this.

You with Grayson...

that feels right.

Now I'm gonna leave you two alone.

Okay.
[ Chuckles ]

Life is short.

You tell him how you feel.

Here you go.

Hey. Thank you.

So, Grayson, um...

I have something
that I want to say to you.

After everything
that we've been through,

I...

- Jane!
- Stacy.

Sorry. One second. Excuse me.

- What?
- I have been trying to call you.

I turned my phone off,
but whatever it is, it can wait.

No, it can't.

Your mother's in the hospital.

No. Sweetie.
My mother's right over there.

No. Your other mother. Jane's mom.

She collapsed.

What?! Hold on.

Everything okay?

I'm so sorry. I... I have to go.