Drop Dead Diva (2009–2014): Season 5, Episode 10 - The Kiss - full transcript

See that aspiring model there?

That's me... Deb...
until the day I died.

I thought I'd go straight to heaven,

but there was a bit of a mix-up,

and I woke up in someone else's body.

[ Screams ]

So now I'm Jane,

a super-busy lawyer
with my very own assistant.

I got a new life, a new wardrobe,

and the only people who really
know what's going on with me

are my girlfriend Stacy
and my guardian angel, Paul.



I used to think everything
happened for a reason.

Whoo! [ Laughs ]
Now, I sure hope I was right.

Drop Dead Diva 5x10 - The Kiss
Original air date October 13, 2013

Previously on Drop Dead Diva...

A toast to my boss,
Jane Bingum, our newest partner.

Hear, hear!
[ Cheering ]

My best friend

is being inseminated by my ex-fiancé,

who is also my boss.

And while I am totally supportive,

I guess it does affect me in
ways that I couldn't... foresee.

Owen, I'm pregnant.

That's fantastic, Stacy.

[ Elevator bell dings ]



Owen.

Stacy, hey. [ Chuckles ]
What a nice surprise.

We need to talk.

Is everything okay?

- Not here... your office.
- Okay.

What happened last night
can never happen again.

Agreed. The Kings lost. I hate that.

No!

The kiss between you and me...
that can never happen again.

Why not?

Because we feel shame and guilt,

and that kiss was a total betrayal

of my best friend and your ex-fiancée.

Yeah, I'm not sure I see it that way.

No, no.

We... we were caught up
in the excitement of the baby.

- We just weren't thinking.
- Maybe not.

But I haven't stopped
thinking about it since.

Owen.

Stacy, look. I don't want to hurt Jane.

Well, good. We are on the same page.

She's the one who got me out of my head.

She's the one who taught me that...

that it's okay to just...
just feel sometimes.

And the way that I felt
when we kissed...

Honestly,
I thought you felt the same way.

Nope. Not at all.

Really?

Yes.

Wow. Wow.

- I... I must have misread that.
- Uh-huh.

I mean, if you feel nothing...

Okay. Mm.

[ Elevator bell dings ]

Hello.

You're late.

Yeah. I stopped at the salon.

I thought, as a new partner,
I deserved a morning blow-out.

Well, that's very irresponsible.

We have a lot of work to do.

What?

Well, as a new partner,
you get to pick out new fabric

and new furniture for your office.

Shoot. I have to prep
for a new-client meeting.

Oh, my God.

This burnt sienna would look
gorgeous on a new chaise lounge.

And it's eco-friendly.

It's composed of
recycled doggie-poop bags.

Who recycles doggie-poop bags?

Okay, five minutes of redecorating,

and then I have to prep, for real.

[ Elevator bell dings ]

Can I help you?

Yeah, I'm looking for Owen French.

I'm Frank Neubauer, a new client.

Let me guess... a constitutional matter?

Corporate, actually.

Okay. Follow me.

Stacy?

Maybe. Got to go. Hi.

Frank, why are you dressed
like Thomas Jefferson?

I'm not. I'm Alexander Hamilton.

[ Sighs ]
And my shareholders request the costume.

Shareholders?

Grayson, meet Frank Incorporated.

I read about him in the "L.A. Times."

And his shareholders vote on
every aspect of his life, right?

Wait. You're literally your own company?

When I was in business school,
one of my buddies joked that

corporations are just like
people, and, bam, it hit me.

I filed with the Securities
and Exchange Commission,

held an I.P.O.... 50,000 shares
of me at 10 bucks a pop.

You cleared half a million
dollars by selling yourself?

Paid off my student loans
and bought a condo.

In exchange, my shareholders,
by majority vote,

are entitled to decide everything I do,

from where I work to what I wear.

Hence the outfit.

Yeah, well, thankfully,
this beat out Henry VIII.

I did not want to wear a codpiece again.

[ Chuckles ]

- They dictate everything you do?
- Yeah.

Any shareholder can submit
a request to the group,

just nothing illegal
or life-threatening,

since that would hurt
the value of the company.

- Which trades online now, right?
- Yeah.

In fact, the share price
has doubled since the I.P.O.

[ Cellphone beeps ]
Wait. Sorry. Excuse me.

[ Cellphone beeps ]

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

[ Chuckles ]

It's flu season.

My shareholders
don't want me to get sick.

Frank, why do you need a lawyer?

I'm in love.

Her name is Hanna Walton,
and I want to propose,

but my shareholders voted against it.

Maybe they think she's wrong for you.

No. Hanna's successful,
supportive, loving.

She's my soul mate.

Look, up till now,
Frank inc. has been terrific.

All right?

The shareholders got me
to lose 20 pounds,

learn Spanish.

They even voted for me to write
that op-ed piece that you read.

But for some reason,
they won't approve Hanna.

Okay. We need to
call a shareholders' meeting.

We will try to amend
the articles of incorporation

to allow you
to woo and wed as you see fit.

Well, that must have been
quite a fall, Mrs. Globerman.

My wife is in debilitating pain.

Bob, you know I can be a klutz.

A lawsuit is taking this too far.

Ohh.

That's good, Bev. Express your feelings.

I'm sorry. And you are...

Dr. Reza.

- Our therapist.
- And you're here...

Well, I'm here to give context
to Beverly's injury.

My wife sprained her neck

at Rachel and Richard McMann's
fancy-ass home in the Hills.

And you were there for...

Wife swap.

Excuse me?

The clinical term is
"couples displacement therapy."

When a couple is in extreme distress,

I find it helpful to place them
in an alternative environment...

literal swapping of the spouses.

The new couples
aren't sexually intimate.

But in every other way,

they interact like a married couple.

And then, when the spouses are reunited,

they are better able to communicate

and, also, to compromise.

I see. Okay.

Bev, why don't you tell me
about your accident?

Oh, I slipped in the McManns' shower.

No. Scalding water from powerful jets

knocked her off of balance.

My wife is in constant pain.

I'm getting better.
I really don't want to sue.

Well, you must have
hit your head when you fell,

sweetie, 'cause you're
acting like an idiot.

Whoa. Bob, that was demeaning.

Beverly, would you like
to respond to Bob?

Yes.

Bob, when you speak to me like that,

I feel like you're
belittling my intelligence.

That's because I am.

Do you see what I'm working with here?

- I can't do it.
- You know what?

Before I file a suit,

why don't we meet with the McManns

and see if we can reach a settlement?

Bev, would that be okay?

- Oh, yes. Thank you.
- Okay. Great.

I will see you guys at our next session.

And if you don't mind,

I'm just gonna have a word
with Ms. Bingum alone, okay?

[ Inhales deeply ]

My word, Jane,
you are quite the professional.

Thank you.

I mean, you didn't let on for a minute

that you used to be my patient.

What has it been...
about five years now?

Um...

I like what you're doing
with your hair and your makeup.

Oh, well, thank you.

It tells me you're no longer
afraid to be noticed.

I think I can take
a little credit for that.

[ Chuckles ]

- Okay.
- I remember our last session.

We were talking about
how you were afraid

to take risks in your personal life.

Oh, right.

Well, I have worked through that,

and now risk is my middle name,
so all better.

Oh, good. Good to hear it.

- Good to hear it.
- Yeah.

So the big question, then, is,
uh, how is your love life?

My love life is... fine.

It was so nice to meet you...
see you again.

Jane, you don't have to
cover with me, okay?

I know all about your five-year plan.

My five-year plan?

Your five-year plan...
to get married in five years.

Oh, right. Oh, that plan.

[ Laughing ] I thought you were
talking about a different plan.

No, no.

And I'm confused 'cause I don't
see a ring on your finger.

Oh, yes, well, I, uh... I've
actually been, uh, very busy.

That sounds you're
covering up your feelings again.

Don't do that. That's denial.

Yeah. It... it's not that.

- So, thank you so much.
- Oh!

- So you are married?
- No.

- You're engaged?
- No.

- Are you going on dates?
- No.

No dates?

No.

I see.

Well, I'm here if you want to talk.

Okay. All right.

- Okay.
- Okay.

[ Sighs ]

Mr. and Ms. McMann,
we've asked you here today

in hopes of reaching a fair settlement.

Bev, I'm... I'm so sorry you're in pain.

Thank you, Richard.

What my husband meant to say

is we're not paying you one cent.

It's bad enough I had to
live with Bob for two weeks,

but we're not responsible
for your injury.

Then we'll be going to court.

Great. We'll be ready
with a counterclaim.

Oh, whoa. A counterclaim?

When Bev fell, she cracked our
custom-made glass shower door

and the Italian jet-spray system.

[ Knock on door ]
Uh... Okay. Okay.

Uh, you know what?
Let's just take a short break.

And we'll all come back
to the table with an open mind.

Ms. Bingum, we're not
interested in a settlement.

Then I suggest you find counsel,

and we will see you in court.

Will you excuse me just one moment?

Hey. What do you need? I'm working.

- I've got big news.
- Okay.

I met a man.

Really?

Yeah, I can see that.

Oh. For you.

Totally your type...
handsome, smart, and single.

Oh, my God. Seriously?

Did you just interrupt
a settlement conference

to try and... what... set me up?

- Yes.
- Not interested.

Why not?

Owen's not coming back,

and Grayson's with someone else,
and you're all alone.

- Oh, thank you, Paul.
- What I mean is,

you're unattached
and you should be dating.

- The answer is no.
- All right.

I get it... afraid to take a risk.

What?

Afraid to take a risk? Me?

Oh, Paul. Risk is my middle name.

Good. Then you'll go out with Ken.

- It's just drinks.
- Fine.

- Awesome!
- Let's be clear...

a Marc Jacobs sample sale is awesome.

Drinks with a stranger is fine,
and barely that.

Yes!

All right, we're live in 3...2...1.

Welcome to the Frank inc.
shareholders' meeting,

live-streamed to our investors
around the world.

We're here to amend the charter

to allow Frank to woo and wed
whomever he chooses.

In this case,
he'd like to marry Hanna Walton.

The voting is now open.

You may text your comments
directly to us.

- Frank?
- My loyal shareholders,

I want nothing more than to
honor my corporate obligations.

But I believe I've earned the privilege

to marry who I want.

And I want to marry Hanna.

Okay, our first comment
is coming in, from belzy321.

"No one has more control
over an individual than a wife."

"Vote no."

From bigbird29...
"Hanna's hot. I'd tap that."

"Vote yes."

Let's keep it clean.

From wehoguy... "what about
Hanna's first marriage?"

"That went down in flames.
I say vote no."

How does he know
about my first marriage?

Okay, guys, listen up.

This vote isn't about Hanna's past.

It's about my future. Please vote yes.

From ivan32... "if Hanna left
her first husband",

"who's to say she won't leave Frank?"

"We have to protect Frank.
I'm voting no."

No, I'm committed to Frank,
and that commitment is forever.

Voting ends in 3...2...1.

21,236... yes.

24,982 votes... no.

I'm sorry, Frank.

How could this happen?

They hate me.

No, hey.

Listen, I love you.

That's all that matters.

What do we do now?

If you defy the majority,
you violate your fiduciary duty.

I don't care.

There is another option,
but it's extreme.

Pursuant to the by-laws,
you could dissolve the company.

No. There's got to be another way.

Sweetheart, listen, if it's
between you and Frank inc.,

I choose you.

I want to marry you.

Please, start the paperwork.

Okay.

The McManns have a deluxe
thermostatic shower system.

I pushed a button,
and hot water just came at me.

I lost my balance, and I fell
against the glass door.

I reached out to grab a nozzle,

but it bent, and I fell,
and I twisted my neck.

Were there any safety
precautions in the shower...

guard rails, non-slip mats,

those little daisy decals from the '70s?

No. None of those things.

So the debilitating injuries
that you suffered

are entirely the result
of the McManns' negligence?

I guess.

Nothing further.

Your Honor, I have no questions
for the witness,

but I call my client,
Rachel McMann, to the stand.

Mrs. McMann,

your bathroom shower
was just remodeled last year?

That's right.

Your Honor, I'd like to
show you a photo of the shower

before Mrs. Globerman destroyed it.

Objecting to the word "destroyed."

Let's just see the photo.

Can you describe what we're looking at?

Sure... imported tiles,
Italian jet-spray system,

custom-designed glass door.

Now I'd like to show you

the shower door after the incident.

It's cracked. It needs to be replaced.

What about the jet?

The flange is bent.

To fix it,
we need to get into the pipes,

which means demolishing the tile.

My contractor estimates $20,000.

Wait. Hold on.

There's a bottle of chocolate sauce

on the shampoo shelf,
right next to my conditioner.

You bastard!

Uh, Your Honor, can we have a recess?

What's going on, Mrs. McMann?

What's going on is that
my husband has a fetish...

chocolate sauce and shower sex.

Bev wasn't knocked over
by the water jets.

She was injured in our shower,

having wild, crazy,
chocolate sex with my husband!

Your Honor, recess, please?

Mr. McMann, please respond to
your wife's allegation.

[ Clears throat ]
We fell for each other.

We didn't mean for it to happen,
but it's true.

- Ohh!
- You self-important ass!

- How dare you?!
- But I love her.

- Ohh!
- Aah!

Oh, my God! Richard!

Crazy freaking chocolate sex?!

- Oh!
- Order!

Can I help you?

It's me... Bart The Bull.
[ Laughs ]

Apparently, it's the mascot
for a local high school.

A bunch of alumni
bought a chunk of stock.

Anyway, I got your message. What's up?

Yeah, uh...

If we dissolve the company,
the shareholders are gonna sue.

I just received this complaint.

This is a shareholder derivative suit

for misappropriation
of corporate assets?

They're accusing you
of stealing corporate property.

They won't let you walk away.

So if we dissolve Frank inc.
and they sue and win,

I'd lose everything I own?

Anything you purchased
with funds from the I.P.O., yes.

You'd even have to pay back
the student loan.

I love Hanna.

I will not be held hostage
by my own shareholders.

Okay.

Then, in the name of love, we fight,

and we hope for the best.

Bev and Richard are here to see you.

Ohh. You mean Bev and Bob.

No, Bev Globerman and Richard McMann.

- Hi.
- Hi. Please.

How are you doing, Richard?

Not so great.

I landed on my tailbone
and slipped a disk.

Yeah, that was quite a punch.

I'm sure you're not surprised,

but we're both being sued for divorce.

Well, you admitted infidelity
in open court, so...

I... it wasn't about sex.

Bev and I fell deeply for each other.

We were hoping you'd represent us.

You want me to represent both of you

in each of your divorce cases?

Is that possible?

California is
a community property state,

and you don't have kids, so... so, yeah,

your divorce cases
should be pretty routine.

There may be a small complication.

We both signed prenups
that contain infidelity clauses.

So, in both of our cases,

the party that cheats gets nothing.

Yeah, that's a pretty big complication.

We just thought that

maybe there was something you could do.

[ Sighs ]

Bev and I never intended
to break our vows.

In both our cases, we were
the ones pushing for therapy.

Ms. Bingum, during the swap,

we realized what
a healthy relationship could be,

if you're with the right person.

Okay. Okay.

I am not promising anything...
But I'll see what I can do.

Thank you so much.
[ Chuckles ]

Your Honor, we ask that

the shareholder lawsuit be dismissed.

Frank Neubauer should be free
to dissolve Frank inc.

The corporate by-law states that

the shareholders are
in complete control, not Frank.

What started as an amazing opportunity

to guide a man's life
has turned into mob rule.

The shareholders have pushed
Frank to be his best self,

maximizing his value and theirs.

If he walks away, he'll need to
reimburse the shareholders

for the current value of their shares.

I agree with Mr. Beaty.

Frank has a duty
to maximize shareholder value.

Motion to dismiss is denied.
We'll proceed to trial.

[ Gavel bangs ]

- I'm screwed!
- Agreed.

With this judge,
we don't stand a chance.

Frank, I need you to
think like a corporate raider.

What?

He wants you to mount a takeover.

You bet. I don't see another way.

I don't have the money
to buy myself back.

You could always leverage
your house as collateral,

take out a line of credit.
Oh, I... I don't know.

Look, if we dissolve the company,

you can marry Hanna and be
in debt the rest of your life.

But if we mount a hostile takeover,

you've got a real chance

to marry Hanna and keep your company.

[ Sighs ]

[ Knock on glass ]
Hey.

What's up?

I just came from the courthouse.

I ran into Judge Flint.

I convinced her
to try the Globerman divorce

and the McMann divorce together.

Why would you do that?

Well, you're gonna argue
in two different cases

at the same time. We'll bill 'em both.

Win-win.

Jane, here's the address

of the restaurant for your date tonight.

Do you not see Owen?

Oh, hi, Owen. How's it hanging?

It's hanging just fine.
Thank you for asking.

- Good.
- Anything else, Paul?

Ken's expecting you at 8:00.

- Please leave my office.
- Okay.

Oh, wear something with a low neckline

to draw his attention to your...

Oh, my God.

Bye, Owen.

[ Chuckles ]
[ Chuckles ]

- That was really awkward.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- It was.
- A date... good for you.

No. No. See, it's nothing...

just Paul met this guy,
and I got roped into it.

No, no, no, no. You don't
have to explain yourself to me.

I certainly don't feel like
I need to tell you

about anyone I'm dating.

I... if I was dating someone, that is.

- What?
- What?

[ Chuckles ]

Anyways, yeah, see, the problem is,

my divorce cases are unwinnable.

Both of my clients violated

their prenup infidelity clauses
with each other.

Well, like they say,

if your client screwed around,
they're gonna get screwed.

[ Laughing ]
Who says that?

They also say,

if you can't prove they didn't cheat,

you better prove they weren't married.

Okay. Enough. Wait a minute.

That's actually helpful.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

I was going for more of a sarcastic...

either way, uh, good luck.

F.Y.I., Ken's tall,
so you can wear heels if you...

- Paul!
- Yes, Jane?

Do you see? We're here again.

Out of my way.
I'm gonna go see a shrink.

So, Jane, where should we pick up...

your low self-esteem,
your issues with your mom,

or those sex dreams you used to have

about Charlie Rose
and the vanilla frosting?

Oh. Ew!

No.
[ Chuckles ]

I... I'm not here for me, Dr. Reza.

I'm representing Bev Globerman
and Richard McMann

in their divorces.

Yes, interesting turn of events there.

Yeah.

I wanted to know about your
couples displacement therapy.

Are the couples supposed to
suspend their relationships...

I mean, literally
put their marriage on hold

to engage in the swap?

Well, I encourage my patients
to be of the mind-set

that they are married to the new person.

So, if a client
truly embraces your therapy,

I mean, it's plausible that
they could really believe that

they are married to the new spouse.

That is my objective, yes.

Would you testify to that in court?

As long as it doesn't violate

any doctor-patient
confidentiality, sure.

Understood. Thank you so much.

- Jane.
- Oh. Yes?

You know, intimacy issues don't
go away without some real work.

Well, I'm sure you're right about that.

Thank you again, so...

[ Chuckles ]
Huh.

Five years ago,
we set some goals for you,

and when we don't meet those goals,

it's important to explore

the psychological ramifications of that.

Yeah. You know what?

I completely agree with you,
but I am fine.

Honestly, I don't even remember
my intimacy issues

from five years ago... I am that cured.

[ Chuckles ]
[ Chuckles ] I see.

Well, in fact,
the reason I have to leave

is because I have a date tonight.

Right. I mean, really?

Really. His name is Ken.

- Mm.
- And he is tall.

And I am going to wear a low neckline.

So, I have got to go get ready.

[ Chuckles ]
[ Chuckles ]

- Well...
- Thank you so much.

...I'm here if you ever need to talk.

Yes, you have made that clear.
Thank you.

[ Sighs ]

Okay, so, first,
we got pregnant, then we kissed,

and now we're on our first date...

little backwards, don't you think?

Mm-hmm.

Maybe we should have
ordered dessert first.

[ Laughs ]

Well, they do have
molten chocolate cake,

and that's your favorite.

How did you know?

[ Clears throat ]
Jane.

Look, Owen, I really like you,
but I don't want to hurt Jane.

I can't imagine you hurting anyone.

You're one of the sweetest
people I've ever known.

I mean, you ordered scallops because,

of all the entrées on the menu,
they feel the least pain.

Well, if I was really nice,
I would have ordered the tofu.

[ Chuckles ]

Stacy, when I first met you...

I thought you were a little superficial,

but I was the superficial one... me.

I mean, when you want something,
you go and get it,

like the pakery or...
my genetic material.

You're the perfect combination
of depth and effervescence.

You make me sound like
a shampoo, but in a good way.

[ Both laugh ]

But, Owen, I need to be clear...
this isn't a date.

I mean it can't be a date
until I talk to Jane about us.

Okay.

[ Laughs ]
No.

You're right, Ken.

Cold gazpacho soup is redundant.

[ Laughs ]
Oh, you know what bugs me...

- Hmm?
- ...is when cafés

call espresso "expresso,"
you know, with an "x."

It makes me crazy.
[ Both laugh ]

We may be the only people in the
world that care about these things.

Yeah, probably.

Maybe Paul had a sixth sense about us.

[ Chuckles ]

So, how did you meet Paul, anyway?

[ Chuckles ]
I... in your building.

I was delivering some office equipment.

He told me to bend with my knees
to protect my back, so...

Well, it's good advice.

[ Both laugh ]

Aww. Look. I bet
it's someone's anniversary.

Oh. Aww.

It must be amazing to be with
the same person for so long.

Yeah.

[ Laughter ]
Very good.

[ Indistinct conversation ]

Excuse me for a minute.

[ Huckles ]

It does not!

It does. Do it again.

I can't.

[ Both laugh ]

Oh. Jane.

Um, hey, listen, you know,
I... I was just telling Owen

that this is not what it looks like.

[ Stammers ]

[ Breathes sharply ]

[ Stammering ]

You?

[ Voice breaking ]
You?

No.

[ Sighs ]

Excuse me, ma'am. Are you all right?

Um, do you know where my date went?

Uh, he just left.

What... what do you mean he left?

Oh, my God.

My valet ticket... it...
it was right here on the table.

Your date just took it to the valet.

No. No, he came in a cab.

Oh, my God.

Great. Great. Call the police.

My date stole my car.

[ Sniffles ]

[ Lock turns ]

[ Crickets chirping ]

Oh, hey.

You're awake.

You said you just wanted Owen's sperm.

And that... that was strange
[Chuckles]

and insensitive to me,
but... I said okay

because I wanted what was best
for you and your baby.

And more to the point, I trusted you.

I swear, I never thought
I had feelings for him.

You have feelings for him now...

the man I was engaged to.

[ Sighs ]
I don't know what I feel.

I'm confused.
I was planning to talk with you.

Jane, I never meant for this to happen.

What exactly has happened?

[ Sighs ]

We kissed.

Is that it?

Twice.

It caught both of us by surprise.

And... [laughs]
how exactly would talking with me

make any of this okay?

I don't know.

Come on, Stacy.

You're gonna be a mother.

I shouldn't have to tell you
what's right and what's wrong.

I never meant to hurt you.

You were thinking about yourself.

You couldn't be more selfish
if you tried.

Okay, that's enough!

I am far from perfect,
but I am not selfish.

Owen called me

one of the sweetest people
he's ever known.

- Really?
- Really.

And if you want to talk about selfish...

you kissed Grayson
at your wedding to Owen,

and now you're holding onto him
like you still own him.

But you don't! He has moved on!

And men like Owen don't just
walk into our lives every day!

Hey, besties.

So, how was your date with Ken?

Well, Stacy was there with Owen.

Oh.

That's all I'm gonna get... just "oh"?

Owen asked me to recommend
a romantic restaurant,

but I didn't realize he was with Stacy.

I did not see that coming. Interesting.

Yeah.
[ Chuckling ] Well, yeah.

I mean, that's not the word I'd use.

But I'll tell you what is
interesting... Ken stole my car!

Well, that's awful.
But how was the date until then?

No, no, no. You better get my car back.

I will, Jane, ASAP. Okay?

Whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

Going to sleep. It's late.

No, no. My car.

Jane, you just need to relax, okay?

You might not know this,
but stress is not healthy.

You've had a rough day,

and you just need to get some sleep.

Now, could you be a sweetheart
and shut off the light?

Hello. I'm Owen French. I'm calling to
ask if you'd be interested in selling

your shares in Frank inc.

I've been authorized to
make you a very generous offer.

Now, I'm calling you
personally because...

We believe Frank inc. needs to
move in a new direction.

What? You already sold your shares?

Who the hell bought them?!
Tell me, or I'll cut you.

You can't say that.

I thought you said
it was a hostile takeover.

- I keep getting outbid.
- Same here.

Someone's figured out what we're up to.

And someone who has
a lot of money to throw around.

Check out the stock price
in the last hour.

It's up 25%.

- Excuse me.
- Where are you going?

To figure out who's got the deep pockets

and why Frank inc.
is so valuable to them.

Hey, buddy, I know where you live.

Dr. Reza,
in couples displacement therapy,

participants are asked to believe

that they are married to one another.

Yes, that's right.

So it's foreseeable that two people

living as a married couple might
engage in marital relations?

Given the mind-set of the participants,

it's a possibility.

Your Honor, given that
the intimacy between my clients

occurred while they were essentially

married to each other,

we contend that it should not
be considered infidelity

for the purposes of their prenups.

Mr. Cummings.

Dr. Reza, did you suggest to
Bev Globerman or Richard McMann

that they should sleep with each
other during this wife swap?

Absolutely not.

During the wife swap, were they aware

that they remained married
to their real spouses?

Of course.

Your Honor, only a legal divorce

can change the status
of a legal marriage...

- end of story.
- Wait, wait, wait.

[ Chuckles ]
The story hasn't ended.

Your Honor, the law is not
black-and-white here,

and we contend that

not all extramarital sex
constitutes infidelity.

Nice try, Ms. Bingum,

but I'm not buying
the wife-swap defense.

Judgment is entered in favor of
Rachel McMann and Bob Globerman.

[ Gavel bangs ]

I'm sorry.

[ Telephone rings ]

Frank, inc. shareholder relations.

Oh, that's great news. Thank you.

The pizza's in the lobby.
I'll go get it.

[ Sighs ]
Well, I think it's time to face reality.

We're never gonna control 51%.

Well, I looked at the named plaintiff

in the class-action suit...
nothing relevant.

But then I looked at opposing counsel.

Get this... he used to work
as in-house counsel

for Whitmer International.

That's my ex-husband's company.
Shawn's the C.E.O.

He's also the one outbidding us
for the shares.

I can't believe he's still
trying to control my life.

Okay, change of plan...

we're gonna sell every share, all 31%.

But wait. I thought you said
we have to buy.

Ah, that was then. This is now.

Flood the market. Do it fast.

Excuse me.

Hey.

[ Sighs ]

We need to talk.

Actually, we don't.

Look, I am incredibly
disappointed in you,

but the girl code is a sacred
bond between best friends,

and it has been broken by Stacy.

No, this isn't about girls
or codes, Jane.

Yeah, I really don't
want to discuss this with you.

Fine. You want to play the victim?

Let's get something clear...
you have zero hold on me.

I can date whomever I want.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I realize that.

And of all the women in the world,

you just happened to pick
my best friend?

I can't help but wonder if this
has something to do with me.

[ Sighs ]
You're unbelievable.

Do you really think
that I want to hurt you?

The thought has crossed my mind.

Come on. You were in love with me.

And Stacy and I... we're...
we're completely different.

What do you see in her?

For one thing... kindness.

Thanks for seeing me again, Dr. Reza.

I'm so sorry I couldn't be more
helpful with your divorce cases.

You were just being honest.
I'm not giving up.

I just got to figure out
how to get back into court.

Dr. Reza, may I sit down?

I don't think
I have anything else to offer.

Oh, no. I want to talk about me.

What? Sure. Please.

- H... have a seat.
- Okay.

Um...

I wasn't being totally honest

when I said that things were great.

Really?
[ Both chuckle ]

Yeah. Um...

I was gonna marry
this wonderful man, Owen,

whom I loved.

[ Voice breaking ]
And on my wedding day,

I kissed Grayson, whom I also love.

And so Owen dumped me,
which I completely understand.

But now he's dating
my best friend, Stacy,

and I'm upset.

So you have feelings of guilt
over the way you treated Owen.

Oh, well, yes.

But that's not why I'm upset right now.

My best friend is dating him.

I'm sure you can understand that

that is the ultimate
betrayal of friendship.

Well, Stacy didn't do anything wrong.

She violated the girl code.

We studied that for a semester
back in graduate school.

You did?

No.
[ Chuckles ]

I mean, I'm a big believer
in adult friendships,

but there's no such thing
as the girl code.

Okay, so you're taking Stacy's side.

There are no sides.

But if a code of honor was violated,

you violated it
the moment you kissed Grayson.

Oh, my God.
I... uh, this is unbelievable.

[ Sighs ]

Dr. Reza, you are brilliant.

You know, some of this is common sense.

No. I'm back on the divorces.

Bev and Richard...

their marriages were over
the moment they cheated.

I just figured out
how to get back into court.

Ah!
[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughs ]
You know, Jane...

Mm-hmm?

...I find it interesting
that you can see

what's right for your clients,
but not for yourself.

Yeah, well, I'm a hot mess.
Thanks so much.

Your Honor, I believe we have
a resolution in this case.

That's odd, since we have
no intention on settling.

This isn't a settlement.

It's more like a total surrender.

What are you proposing, counselor?

In order to allow Frank to walk away,

we're giving Mr. Beaty's clients
everything they want.

That better include Frank's
car, condo, and bank accounts.

Car keys, a deed to the condo,
bank statements with pin codes,

a check to cover recent withdrawals,

and, oh, his toothbrush.

Now that we've handed everything over,

we ask that you discharge
my client from Frank inc.

Wait. I object.
Frank can't just walk away.

Why not?

You've gotten everything you wanted.

You've won. Be happy.

[ Door opens ]

I'm a free man.

[ Sighs ]
You gave up everything for me.

Well, I didn't exactly
give up everything.

Hanna, your ex-husband bid up
the share prices

during the hostile takeover.

Once we realized he'd
pay anything for the shares,

we sold them...
at three times what we paid.

You sold Frank inc. to my ex?

Yeah, but without me,
the company's worthless.

I made enough money to pay back
the legitimate shareholders,

with plenty left over
for us to start a life together.

And now Shawn owns a worthless company.

And Frank is free to woo and wed.

Let the wooing begin.

Ms. Bingum, as I recall,

I've already ruled against
both your clients.

Yes, in both divorce cases,
my clients lost everything,

but we're here on another matter.

And what might that be?

Richard is filing a lawsuit
against Bob for $100,000

for injuries sustained when
Bob assaulted him in open court.

We are also re-filing Bev's suit

for injuries she sustained
in the shower.

This is ridiculous.

Personal-injury damages
are community property,

and Your Honor already ruled

her clients were not entitled
to any community property

because they violated their prenups.

This is about principle.

And we intend to
vigorously litigate both cases,

no matter how much time it takes.

Or you're welcome to admit fault
and sign

a confession of judgment
for the full amount of damages.

We'll sign whatever you want
if it makes you go away.

You still won't see a penny.

Well, then, as soon as
the confessions of judgment

are signed, we'll be out of your hair.

[ Chuckles ]

Excellent.

Now, please get out of
my courtroom, all of you.

Oh, just one other thing, Your Honor.

I need you to order the defendants

to make good on
their monetary obligations

they've just confessed judgment on.

We've already been through this.

- The, uh, cheaters get nothing.
- Well, that would be true

if the settlements
were community property,

but they're not.

Excuse me?

Well, I mean, according to
the infidelity clauses,

these marriages were over

the moment Bev and Richard had sex.

And both the slip and fall in the shower

and the assault in the courtroom
happened after the sex.

This is absurd.

Actually, Ms. Bingum is right.

The prenups mandate that

the awards be considered
separate property.

We'll take certified checks.

Oh!

[ Chuckles ]

Hey, Jane.

Hi, Paul. What you doing?

Oh, seeing the world
from another perspective.

Hey, I got your car back!

Really? In how many pieces?

Oh, it's perfect condition.

I even had it washed...
because I spilled my soda.

How did you find it?

I realized, when I met Ken,

he was headed to the sixth floor,

so I went to find him.

Do you know what's on the sixth floor?

Nope.

Ken's parole officer.

Turns out he just got out of prison.

So, when you met him, he was
stealing office equipment.

Yeah. He stole our fax machine,
but I got that back, too.

Ken's been arrested.

You said he was a great guy.

No, I said he was handsome,
smart, and single.

You're very picky.

I'm going home.

See ya.

[ Door closes, lock turns ]

I didn't realize you were home.

Uh, there's something
I need to say to you.

Okay.

I'm listening.

[ Sighs ]
I'm sorry.

Yeah, thanks.

Um, why don't we just forget
the whole thing, you know?

You're pregnant. You're hormonal.

I... I forgive you.

I'm sorry that my dating Owen hurts you.

But I need to see where this is going.

I owe it to myself and the baby.

Stacy... I almost married the guy.

You're my best friend.

Don't you see what this is doing to me?

I do.

[ Voice breaking ]
And I never, ever considered Owen

in a romantic way, but now
I can't help the way I feel.

Please, this doesn't have to change us.

Sweetie...

...if you date my ex-fiancé,
it changes everything.

I can't accept it. I won't accept it.

I know.

[ Sniffles ]
I should go.

[ Door closes ]