Drop Dead Diva (2009–2014): Season 4, Episode 3 - Freak Show - full transcript

See that aspiring model there?

That was me... Deb... until the day I died.

I thought I'd go straight to heaven,

but there was a bit of a mix-up

and I woke up in someone else's body.

So now I'm Jane,

a super-busy lawyer
with my very own assistant.

I got a new life, a new wardrobe,

and the only people who really
know what's going on with me

are my girlfriend Stacy
and my guardian angel, Luke.

I used to think everything
happened for a reason...



Whoo!

...and, well, I sure hope I was right.

Drop Dead Diva 4x03 - Freak Show
Original air date June 17, 2012

Welcome back to "Miss Perfect 2012"

and our final contestant... Jane Bingum!

Hi, I'm Jane from California.

I'm a 33-year-old lawyer with
the soul of a 25-year-old model.

Get off the stage!

In my spare time,

I enjoy bickering with my guardian angel.

Actually, it's my second guardian angel.

It's a long story.

For fun, I shop on rodeo drive
with my best friend, Stacy.

And I do believe in world peace.



Nobody cares! Get off the stage!

Phew.

- Morning, Jane.
- Morning.

Stacy?

Oh, hi.

Oh, my God! What a fantastic new haircut.

It was Nikki's idea.
She thought I needed a new do.

Oh.

- Hi, Jane.
- Oh, hey, Nikki.

Um, what are you two doing here?

Meeting with Grayson.

Can I ask why?

Legal stuff... for our
pie-meets-cake business.

Right. Your "pakes."

You know, I can help you
with the legal stuff.

I am a lawyer.

After you refused
to invest in our business,

we decided we didn't need your help.

But thanks.

Okay. So, you were able to
find other investors?

Stacy's fronting half
the start-up costs,

and I'm covering the rest.

Where are you getting that kind of money?

It's in my savings.

All of it.

Like they say,
you got to go big to win big,

even when the people
closest to you are small.

Stacy, you know I just
wanted to see a business plan.

We talked about this.

Morning, ladies.

Hi, Jane.

Hi.

Shall we get started?

- Morning, boss.
- Teri. Morning.

Thank you. Mmm.

Ew. Something died in that coffee.

Oh, no. It's dong-a.

It's a Korean drink
with royal jelly and guarana.

You need a little extra kick today.

Why?

My friend from the nail salon
is on her way up.

Oh, right. That sweet old lady.

She may be old, but she ain't sweet.

Rita Curtis. Have I got a case for you.

So, I'm in aisle six, office supplies,

when I see this guy... shifty, right?

So I followed him,

and when he bolted
for the exit without paying,

animal instinct took over.

- Aah!
- Aah!

That guy was trying to steal

a full case of printer cartridges,

so I stopped him.

More like you sacked him
with a hammer drop.

I take krav maga at the senior center.

I'm a little confused.

The company fired you
for stopping a robbery?

They're claiming

that I violated their
non-confrontation policy.

Actually, they're just
a bunch of cheap bastards

trying to deny me my pension.

After 20 years of service,
she's just one month shy.

Hmm.

So, you gonna take my case

or make a liar out of Teri?

So, let me get this straight...

you want me to represent
your sister in her divorce.

Correctamundo.

Owen, your girlfriend works at this firm.

Why not just go to her?

I would feel more comfortable
with you than with Jane.

Okay.

Let's get started.

Bryan and I met in college.

We were married for 10 years...

some good, some not as good.

Then, last week, bam. He wants out.

His timing is suspicious...
he's a computer programmer

who developed software
that's about to be funded.

Oh, so he's dumping you

right as the money truck is pulling up.

Sorry. Uh, lucky for you,

California is a community-property state,

so you're entitled to half
of everything unless...

We have a prenup.

Yeah, it stipulates
Olivia only gets $10,000.

Unless he cheats.

And he's cheating with some trophy bimbo?

Yes. And I brought her with me.

Kim, meet Eve.

Eve, here. How can I help you?

I'm sorry. I don't follow.

Eve is a computer application...

Bryan's invention
and the object of his affection.

She's the latest in virtual
assistance, top-of-the-line A.I.

We want you to argue

that her husband is having
an affair with her.

Uh, Olivia, you know a person can't cheat

with a computer program.

Miss Kaswell, where's your open mind?

Your out-of-the-box jurisprudence?

"Aut viam inveniam aut faciam"...

if we can't find a way, we'll make one.

You recall the matrix argument,
a no-win case

until the lawyers argued that their client

was living in an alternate reality?

And the tactic of "ignorento elenchi"

has been used by everybody

from Johnnie Cochran to racehorse Haynes.

And let's not forget the "booby brief,"

which cleared a woman for B&E

due to her double D's.

Jay Parker, managing partner.

It will be this firm's priority

to get you your rightful share
of your marital assets.

Isn't that right, Kim?

Matrix, Johnnie Cochran, boobies.

We're on it.

Bingum!

You're pursuing a wrongful termination

against Onestop Superstore?

Yes.

It's a Fortune 500 company.
They should be a client, not the enemy.

- Luke.
- At your service.

Please tell miss Bingum that she
can't take a case against Onestop.

Are you kidding me? Old lady
needs her pension, right?

It's just the kind of suit
that makes Jane feel good.

And I'm all for a feel-good Jane.

I'm managing partner,

and this case isn't
in the interest of the firm.

And I'm the firm's creditor.

Fine. Take the case. You know, honestly,

I figured you'd just want to
work with your boyfriend.

- Owen?
- Yeah. He's in Kim's office with his sister.

He has a sister?

Your lack of awareness
inspires confidence.

Hey!

Why did you just help me like that?

I'm your guardian angel.

I'm kind of supposed to
help you with stuff like that.

And?

And I want to see how you
work... up close and personal.

I want to see Jane Bingum
in all her glory.

And I will be taking notes.

Whatever. Excuse me. Hey, Owen!

Hey.

This must be your sister. Hello.

I'll meet you at the elevator.

Is she okay?

Yeah, yeah. She's just getting divorced.

Oh.

- With Kim's help?
- Yeah.

I would have rather
gone to you, but, you know...

What do I know?

- Jane.
- Owen.

Well, it's just Olivia kind of...

Kind of what?

Jane, she hates your guts.

What?!

In the last year, three of your employees

violated your no-confrontation policy

and stopped a robbery.

My client was the only one fired.

Unlike those other confrontations,

only your client
got physical with the thief.

You should say, "thank you."
She saved store property.

And not to mention,

Rita has been a perfect
employee for almost 20 years.

This is a sham accusation
to rob her of her pension,

and you know it.

A perfect employee?

I'd like to show you a little video

that a co-worker put together
for our Christmas party.

- Okay. - Now, she's
supposed to greet customers with a smile.

- Mm-hmm?
- Instead, well, take a look for yourself.

Excuse me, sir.

Let me save you from a bad decision.

That microwave is so slow,

you could start a frozen burrito
on Cinco de Mayo...

it wouldn't be ready till Feliz Navidad.

That pizza has more filler than cheese.

Might as well eat the box.
At least it has fiber.

That gum is like a 20-year-old...

starts off great,
but doesn't last very long.

Miss Bingum,

we don't pay customer-service
reps to bad-mouth our products.

I would still like to speak
to your supervisor.

I already brought this up
with the head of H.R.,

and miss Curtis
will not be back at Onestop.

Mr. Turing, when you wake up
in the morning,

what's the first thing you do?

I go through my schedule with Eve.

Eve... the app you created.

That's right.

And your last conversation before bed?

Eve and I go through my to-do list,

and then she reads to me
till I fall asleep.

We're halfway through "The Odyssey."

And when you need
personal advice or a joke,

do you also turn to Eve?

Yeah, in some cases. Sure.

Eve more so than your wife?

Eve is a problem solver.
She's a better listener.

She's not gonna hound me
about taking out the trash.

Eve, under California law,

what is the definition
of a marital affair?

A marital affair is any
physical or emotional infidelity

involving feeling or thought.

Objection... we all know

you can't have an affair
with a computer app.

State law does not say
infidelity must be with a human.

Your witness.

The intentions of the prenup are clear.

Cheating means with a person.

To wit...

Mr. Turing, have you ever
taken Eve out on a date?

No.

Bought her a pair of shoes?

No.

Engaged in physical intimacy?

No.

How do you respond
to Mr. Parker's accusations?

Well, that's like saying

Tolstoy had an affair
with "War And Peace."

I'm a workaholic. I'm not a cheater.

There's no case here, Your Honor.

I agree.

Your Honor,
if we can have a bit more time.

More time for what?

Supplemental discovery.

If you have nothing to hide,

then you have nothing to worry about.

You've got 36 hours
for supplemental discovery.

After that, we're done.

How did it go?
Did you get Rita her job back?

Not even close, Teri.
This better be coffee.

Oh, yeah.

What about Owen's sister?

Olivia is from Connecticut.

She went to schools back east.

You don't travel in the same circles.

I can't figure out how she knows you.

- Jane. You got a sec?
- Yeah.

Oh. Sure. What's going on?

What do you know about Stacy's
business partner, Nikki Lepree?

Not much. Why?

I was working on the
pakery operating agreement.

Mm-hmm.

Found this.

Three aliases and a warrant
for Nikki's arrest in Texas.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

And they're both clients,
but Stacy's a friend, so...

Thank you. I'll give her a heads-up.

Look, Stacy, I have something
to tell you about Nikki,

and you're not gonna like it.

Oh.

Hi, Jane.

Nikki. Where's Stacy?

She's shopping.

So, what are you doing here unsupervised?

I'm experimenting with
angel food and pumpkin pake.

I'd offer you a slice,

but sounds like you have
something on your mind.

Oh, yeah.

I actually do have something on my mind...

Nikki... if that's your real name.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means you're a criminal.

With aliases and warrants,
and don't get too close to me.

I've got pepper spray in my purse.

Why do you hate me so much?

I do not trust you with Stacy's money.

Jane, my personal life
is none of your business.

If I were you, I would butt out.

Is that a threat?

You're so smart. You tell me.

- Owen!
- Hey.

- Hey.
- How's your evening?

I am waiting to tell Stacy

that she's in business with a con artist.

Wow.

I'm also working on a case
for Teri's friend...

wrongful termination
that doesn't seem so wrong.

- What's up?
- Uh...

I realize seeing my sister was a surprise.

- Yeah.
- And I... I just... I have to say that

whatever you two went through,
it shouldn't affect us.

I love my sister. I do.

But she can hold a grudge tighter

than a cleat knot in a hurricane.

Oh, you know, to be honest,

I... I don't remember
why we had a falling-out.

Okay. There you go.
It's in the past, right?

Oh, right.

Oh! You know what? I have a great idea.

Why don't you and Olivia
come over for dinner tomorrow?

Maybe we'll turn that
cleat knot into a big bow.

That's bold thinking.

- I like it.
- Okay.

- It's a date.
- Okay.

There's another reason that I came by.

Come here.

What do you think you're doing?

Kissing my boyfriend.

I'm talking about Nikki.

Okay. I'm gonna go ahead and go.

See ya.

Stacy...

She told me about your ambush.

Nikki has a record.

I'm trying to make sure

that you're not getting
into business with a fugitive.

You want to know why she has the warrant?

For a speeding ticket she got

trying to escape an abusive ex-boyfriend.

Well...

That's the reason
for all of her aliases, too.

She slept with the enemy,

and she's been running ever since.

And now, thanks to you,
she may have to run again.

I... I'm sorry.

Hello?

Hi, Nikki. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Hang on. I want to talk
to you in private.

Hey. Got your message. What's up?

I'm just trying to think outside the box.

The three main reasons to void a prenup

are duress, fraud, and insanity,

so I need your help to find a toehold,

even if it's just a technicality.

Have you ever been cheated on, Kim?

Show me a woman in her 30s
who hasn't been.

How do you think you'd feel

if he picked a computer program over you?

Olivia, I get it.

But the court doesn't recognize...

I loved him so much.

When we were first married,

I would literally ache
when we weren't together.

And the way that he looked at me...

I was his whole world.

And now that's how he looks at Eve.

I'm sorry. I really am.

Thank you.

Now, in the hope of leaving
no stone unturned,

can we talk about... duress,
fraud, and insanity.

So, did you feel bullied or ambushed

into signing your prenup?

No.

- Intoxicated when signing?
- No.

- Pregnant or sexually deprived?
- God. Why would that matter?

Well, it could indicate duress.

Well, when I signed, I was
neither preggers nor deprived.

My, how things change.

Are you pregnant now?

No, I'm deprived, Kim.

I haven't had sex in over a year.

Oh, God.

I can't even remember
the last time he touched me.

Between you and me, I'm
going a little bit crazy.

I even learned how to knit.

First a scarf and then a cozy for my...

Sorry. Too much information.

No, Olivia. You just gave me an idea.

And it's definitely outside the box.

It's me.

And me.

It's 2:00 A.M.

- Oh, did we wake you?
- Yeah.

I have something to show you.

Oh.

Okay, what am I looking at?

"Employee of the year" medallions.

'94, '99, '05, '08.

Congratulations.
Can we talk about this later?

Rita heard about your setback.

Jane, you can't let them fire me.

They have cause, Rita.

I have an impeccable record...
four gold medallions!

You had an impeccable record for 19 years.

In fact, you were described
as "sweet and soft-spoken,"

until 11 months ago
when you refused to let

a customer buy stretch pants,
which I totally agree with.

The elastic was crap!

And since then, 28 other infractions.

I finally started to speak my mind.

Rita, you need to tell Jane
what's really going on.

I was in a car accident.

My sister, Lauren, she was
driving when we were cut off.

She tried to stop,
but there wasn't enough time.

The doctors resuscitated me, but not her.

I'm sorry.

Lauren was my hero.

She was strong and straightforward.

I missed her so much.

But in my grief, I found her strength.

So, as a customer-service representative,

in order to honor her,
I had to always tell the truth,

even if the big boss-man didn't like it.

So, when you were warning
customers about the product,

everything you said was truthful?

Of course.

I may have added my own colorful flair,

but I am not a liar.

I know that look. What are you thinking?

I am thinking none of us
is going back to bed tonight.

Your Honor, we wish to drop our suit

and re-file for the unlawful
firing of a whistle-blower.

Are you kidding?

For your client to achieve
whistle-blower status,

she needs to have alerted company offices

or a government entity of the wrongdoing.

My client may not be
sufficiently sophisticated

to follow the letter of
California Labor Code 1102,

but she honored its spirit

by preventing Onestop from
pushing substandard products.

- This is ridiculous.
- You're ridiculous!

Enough!

Miss Bingum, if you can prove
that your client

acted in the spirit
of the federal False Claims Act,

I'm open to hearing it.

But you had better have solid evidence.

- Nice job in there.
- Thank you.

Rita, I'll need you to make a list

of all of the products you griped about.

Teri can help you with that.

I'm all over it.
Those suckers are going down!

You people are really something.

Excuse me?

Your case has no merit.

After it's dismissed,

I'm pushing for sanctions
against your firm.

- Rita!
- Oh!

It's that lack of control

that got you fired in the first place.

Rita.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes I... I can't control her.

Control who?

Lauren.

Your sister?

You remember when I told you

that I changed my behavior
to honor Lauren?

- Yeah.
- Well, there's more to it than that.

Ever since the accident... I... I
know this is gonna sound crazy,

but Lauren's soul is right here.

What do you mean, right there?

Lauren's spirit is inside of me.

After the accident, I died.

That's when Lauren's spirit
literally entered my body.

I am Lauren.

You heard what she said.

That her sister is in her body!...

that's why you wanted me
to take this case, isn't it?

To meet someone like me, a kindred spirit.

Jane.

Listen... I wanted you to take this case

so I could see you in action.

What are the odds of something
like this just happening to me?

You know, ever since my accident,

I've been walking around,

feeling like I was the only
person in the world like me,

like I was the... the...
the last of the dodos.

And then, I meet another dodo.

Did you know the dodo bird
was too lazy to have sex,

which is why it's extinct?

That's not true.

The point is, Rita's an old lady.

She's probably confused,
maybe even a little senile.

What if she's not?

It happened to me, it could happen to her.

I should say something.

Yeah, because maybe she thinks
that she's the only one.

Right now, you should
just stay focused on the case.

Yeah.

And maybe have Teri
check Rita's medical records

to verify her competency.

Huh? Yes. Sure.

Olivia and Bryan haven't
had sex in almost a year.

And this excites you because?

I don't care how devoted
to his work the guy is.

He's only 35 years old. He's got needs.

And this helps us because?

It all comes down to Freud.

Eve, would you read me back
that Sigmund Freud quote?

Of course, Kim.

The quote is, "work and love...
that is all there is."

According to Freud,

when someone loses
themselves in their work,

it's for one of two reasons...

either they're trying
to impress someone at work

or they're trying to impress
someone with work.

So you're thinking

if Bryan's losing himself
with his Eve app,

it's because there may actually
be another woman out there...

a real woman.

No offense, Eve.

Exactly.

Now, I reviewed the company's
records and specs.

Eve is computer-generated, but her looks,

her mannerisms, expressions
are all re-targeted motions,

driven by the performance-capture

of a real woman selected by Bryan.

And I'm gonna find that woman.

Rita sent me a list
of her maligned products,

so I went out and bought every last one.

I'm scared to ask...
how did you pay for all this?

Luke gave me his credit card.

Good old Luke.

Ooh, and don't tell him...

I also used it to buy new
throw pillows for your office.

Yours smelled like potpourri.

- You know what else we should get?
- Focus.

Okay. So, out of 22 items, from
popcorn to pencil sharpeners,

they all have two things in common...

they are sold by Onestop,
and they are branded by Onestop.

Hmm.

And every item has
the same promise on the label...

"as good as the leading national brand."

- And are they?
- You tell me.

Mmm.

Mmm. Good?

Mmm. We have a case.

Of the two cookies at my table,

one is the leading national brand,

and the other is the
less-expensive, in-store brand,

which my client disparaged as,
I quote, "blech!"

Now, according to Onestop's packaging,

your cookies are "as good as
the leading national brand."

So as V.P. of Onestop in-store products,

would you say that that's accurate?

We stand by the claim.

Okay, I have an e-mail here
from the company

that Onestop hires to make their cookies.

According to the head of operations,

for each of the past five years,

you have insisted that they
lower production costs by 4%.

Our Onestop-branded suppliers
are encouraged to be efficient.

And are you aware
that over the past five years,

the number of chocolate chips
in your cookies

has decreased by 50%?

No.

Would you still say that your cookie

is as good as the leading national brand?

It's a matter of opinion.

Okay. Well, great.

Then let's get the only opinion
that matters, right?

Your Honor?

Objection. You can't give
the judge milk and cookies.

I'll allow it.
I power-walked this morning.

And you look amazing, by the way.

First, the leading national brand.

- Delicious.
- Mm-hmm.

And chocolaty.

And now the Onestop superstore brand.

I gather from your expression,

Your Honor prefers the national brand.

This one isn't worth the calories.

No offense.

We contend that the misleading label

qualifies as fraud under the FFCA,

and theretofore
supports my client's position

as a whistle-blower.

Mr. Worthington, is the Onestop brand

less expensive than the leading brand?

- By 30%.
- Now, would you agree

that while there may be
puffery on the package,

customers know what they're getting

with a less-expensive,
store-branded product?

Absolutely.

Thank you.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Sorry I'm late.
My case suffered a setback.

I didn't have time to shop,

but I did order delivery,
so... those look good.

- Prosciutto and fig. Oh.
- Yes.

Okay.

Don't worry.
She's coming with an open mind.

Hi, Olivia! Thank you for coming.

- He made me.
- Oh.

You have a beautiful home.

Wow, it sure does look like me.

Bryan says I'm going to be famous.

Well, Suzie, we really
appreciate you meeting with us.

Sure. You said it was about Bryan.

I'd do anything for that guy.

We do have a couple questions

about your relationship with Bryan.

Relationship?

How did you two meet?

Aww. It was sweet.

I was at yoga,

and I see this guy pushing
his face against the window.

And at first, I think, "pervert."

But then, in the parking lot,
he asked if I was a model.

Next thing I know, I was Eve.

So, you and Bryan have spent
a lot of time together?

Just the photo shoot.

They hooked me up to this computer.

It was totally cool.

Suzie, I need to ask, has Bryan
ever made a move on you?

God, no. I like them big and stupid.

It's an "opposites attract" thing.

Okay, well, thank you very much for this.

Um, Suzie, what's your birthday?

December 17th. Why?

Eve, what's your birthday?

My birthday is June 12th, Kim.

And, Suzie, where are you from?

Van Nuys.

Eve, where are you from?

I am from Connecticut, Kim.

Of course.

Of course what?

This is our file on Olivia French.

So far, two totally random stats

are coming up matching
Olivia and not Suzie.

Olivia's highest level of schooling

is a master's in education.

Suzie, did you go to college?

Does beauty school count?

Eve, what's your
highest level of schooling?

A master's in education, Kim.

So Bryan based Eve on Olivia.

All that proves is that

Bryan was having an affair
with his own wife.

No, that's where you're wrong.

So, how's your case going, Olivia?

The lawyers don't seem optimistic.

I'll take "awkward dinner
parties" for 200, Alex.

Jane.

- Well, I'm just saying.
- You watch "jeopardy!"?

Yes. I guess I do.

Did you know that Alex Trebek's
first job was as a garbageman,

and that his childhood dream
was to be a news anchor?

Oh, my God. You're
a "trebek-a-phile." Me, too.

Do you remember when Alex asked for

"a long-handled gardening tool"

that also means
'an immoral pleasure seeker'"?

What is a hoe?

- What is a rake?
- What is a rake?

Oh.
Okay.

- Do you get it?
- A rake.

That was my roommate. Excuse me.

Stacy!

What happened?

I lost everything!

Oh, wait. Breathe, sweetie.

Tell me what happened.

Nikki called this morning.

She found a cute storefront on La Cienaga,

and she needed my money immediately.

Oh, no.

I gave her a cashier's check.

You did?

And then she wanted to meet tonight,

but the address she gave me...
it doesn't exist.

Well, maybe you wrote it down wrong.

I triple-checked.

So then I called Nikki,

but her bedazzled phone
has been disconnected.

So I tried to cancel the cashier's check.

And guess what the bank told me.

That Nikki had already cashed it.

Jane, I am so sorry
I didn't listen to you.

I mean, you are the smart one.

When I was an actor,

I listed roller-skating,
French accents, and smiling

as skills on my head shot.

Yeah.

But I can't roller-skate,

and I have never been to Canada,

and sometimes I can't even smile.

Hey. Listen to me. Okay?

The pakery was a good idea.

But you wouldn't invest!

Because you were in such a rush.

I just wanted to take it slowly,

but I always thought it had potential.

You did?

Yeah.

I'm sorry I trusted
that scam artist over you.

Oh, my God!

Olivia?

Olivia?

Indian food? Tikka masala? Okra?

Is this some sort of joke to you, Jane?

No.

I want nothing to do
with this woman, Owen.

And you shouldn't, either.

Olivia!

Um, you forgot your purse.

Thank you.

Olivia, I don't know why you're mad at me.

A... are you allergic to curry?

That's not funny.

I know. That's not funny.

Listen, I don't like to tell people this,

but I have blank spots in my past.

And sometimes, I can't remember things.

And I'm sorry, but I don't remember.

Senior year of High School,

model U.N., Washington, D.C.

I was France, Billy was Great Britain,

and you were...

India?

Yes. And you crushed his heart.

Billy's heart?

He was my best friend.

After he met you,

all he could talk about
was little miss India,

how you spent the summer at the lake,

how you made him picnics in the park.

After you met his parents,

he was going to transfer
schools to be near you.

- And then what did you do?
- What did I do?

Freshman year of college,

he decided to surprise you
for your birthday,

but when he pushed the door open
and yelled, "surprise,"

you were with your R.A.

That doesn't seem that bad.

- In bed!
- Oh, God.

He spent the whole next year
on my couch, sobbing.

I'm so sorry.

I... I... I'll call Billy right now
and apologize.

Do you have his number?

He's a diplomat. In Pakistan.

Oh.

I promise, if I could turn back time,

I would handle everything differently.

I swear.

Why should I believe you?

Because I love your brother,
and I wouldn't lie to you.

I'd really like to be friends.

For what it's worth...

I love you, too.

And I love that you said it first.

All right, that's settled.

I'll take "let's get back
to dinner" for $300.

Oh. Uh, sorry.

Teri. What's up?

Jane.

Get your ass to the office now.

It's 7:00, and I'm about to have dinner.

It's about our case. You're not
gonna believe what I found.

Fine. But just for the record,
you're not the boss of me!

I'm sorry. I've got to get back
to the office. It's important.

No. No, no, no. We understand.

We'll talk later. Maybe over lunch?

Yeah. Okay.

Bye.

Goodbye.

- Hi.
- All right.

You know how Rita's sister
was killed in that accident?

Yes.

Well, I was looking over the
accident report, and guess what.

They were both Onestop employees

on company time in a Onestop car.

So what are you thinking...
workman's comp?

No, Jane.

According to the logs,
the day before the accident,

that car was serviced
at a Onestop auto-and-tire

with Onestop brakes.

"As good as the leading national brand."

Teri, we need a safety report
from Onestop's auto fleet.

You mean something like this?

This is Onestop's safety record

for their entire auto fleet
from last year.

And based on this report,

we are re-re-filing for wrongful death.

Your client may be old, but
she's still alive, miss Bingum.

Rita Curtis is suing

on behalf of her deceased
sister, Lauren Curtis.

Now, I know that this may be
unorthodox, Your Honor,

but I can prove it with a single witness.

Your Honor, the testimony's
not being offered

for the truth of the matter asserted,

but to prove that Olivia and
Eve's data points match up.

Well, we'll stipulate to that. So what?

So Bryan used Olivia's likeness
without her permission.

Eve looks
nothing like your client.

She doesn't have to.
Eve, what's the holding in White vs. Samsung?

Game-show hostess Vanna White
was awarded over $400,000

due to a television commercial

where Samsung used not her likeness,

but a robot in a blond wig

turning letters in
the same manner as Miss White.

In other words, Vanna's
essence is in the robot

in the same way that
Olivia's essence is in Eve.

It's not a problem.
I'll just change my data points in Eve.

Oh, you mean the Eve app

that's about to be funded
by Buchman Venture Capital?

Because if you change the software,

you'll need to file a new prospectus.

Which means another road show,
and that's time and money,

which is a problem, given your
competitors are closing in.

Don't look at me.

You're the ones with a decision to make.

Mr. Worthington, how many cars
in Onestop's auto fleet?

About 6,000.

So, within this fleet,

how many cars
got into accidents last year?

I'm not sure.

Oh, well, I'm sure.

Here is a copy of Onestop's safety record.

50 of your cars got into
accidents last year,

three attributed to failed brakes.

So that's 6%, right?

Yes.

Are you aware that the NHTSA's average

for brake-related accidents is only 0.03%,

which means your fleet's
brake-failure rate

is 20 times the national average?

Onestop's after-market brakes
pass all federal

motor vehicle safety standards
per the NHTSA.

Those standards are notoriously lax.

Five years ago, your brakes
were... and I quote the box...

"as good as the leading national brand,"

with a stopping distance of
200 feet at 60 miles per hour.

But today Onestop's brakes have
a stopping distance of 515 feet,

the lowest end of the safety continuum.

Objection. Speculation.

Right.

You know, I wish I had, like, a chart or...

or something with hard facts so
I could really spell this out.

Oh, wait. I do.

So, as you can see, from 2006 to 2011,

the cost of Onestop's brake pads went down

while the number
of brake-related accidents

in the fleet went up.

There is a direct correlation

between cheaper brake pads
and brake-related accidents.

So Onestop's assertion
that their brake pads

are "as good as
the leading national brand"

is not only felonious, but deadly.

Objection. Counsel is testifying.

Oh. He wants a question.

I...
I do have a question.

Are you aware that Lauren Curtis
had a perfect driving record

until the day she died in a Onestop car

less than a week after
that car got its brakes replaced

by Onestop?

Mr. Cummings,
if everything alleged is true,

I suggest you and your client
find a conference room

and work things out.

Fast.

The cops put a warrant out
for Nikki's arrest,

and I alerted a buddy
at the FBI's fraud division.

Ooh. Hi.

We should also consult
Interpol's alias database.

Remember?

That's how they found the guy
who hacked Scarjo's cellphone.

I'll look into that.

So I guess that's it, then.

Just me and my pakes.

Actually, Grayson,
could you give us a minute?

It's my office.

And I need coffee.

So, Stacy, how would you feel
if I asked Grayson

to take Nikki's name off
of the corporate documents

and to replace her with a new investor?

Who?

Me.

I support you, sweetie.

But I still don't have a business plan.

It's okay. We'll write one together.

Aww!

Congratulations!

You'll receive half of all Eve's profits.

You're gonna be a rich lady.

Thank you.

Miss Kaswell, that was
a masterful argument.

Eximius et gratias.

You are welcome. I think.

Have a wonderful night.

- Take care.
- You, too.

So, I've been thinking about
what you said earlier

about Freud and work.

Really?

Yeah, uh, you've been
putting in a lot of hours,

and assuming Freud is right,
who are you trying to impress...

someone with work or someone at work?

What do you think?

I think we should discuss it over drinks.

Hey. What you doing in my office?

Rita's on the way up.

- Hmm. - Before she gets here, I thought
you might want to see this.

Okay.

Medical records from her car crash?

Back pay, retirement benefits,
and a cash settlement?!

And the Attorney General's

looking into criminal negligence.

Oh, I thank you, and Lauren thanks you.

Something wrong?

Rita, you suffered a cerebral
contusion from the crash,

and the doctors told you

that that is what caused
your personality to change.

In fact, "damage to the frontal lobe"

"led to a lack of emotional inhibition."

Yeah, they told me that. So what?

So, why, then, did you tell me

that your sister's soul was inside you,

that you had become Lauren?

I... I guess I couldn't imagine

a world where my sister didn't exist,

so I came up with a story I
liked better than the doctors'.

Thanks again, Jane.

So, Rita is definitely not like me.

Well, the question is,
why did you want her to be?

I'm happy with my life.

You know, I really am.

But sometimes...

sometimes, I feel like a freak.

Mm-hmm.

You see that guy up there? Top floor?

Yeah.

He's the C.E.O. of a huge corporation.

Hmm.

He thinks he's a freak

because he can't sleep
without his Teddy bear.

But it's that bear that
reminds him to be compassionate,

which is why his employees
love and respect him.

And that woman... two floors down?

Mm-hmm.

She thinks she's a freak
because her ears stick out.

But it's because of those ears

that she got into jewelry design

and now has her own successful line.

And then, of course,

there's that guy
way down there on the bike.

Mm-hmm.

He's got three nipples.

Ew.

What's so great about that?

I don't know.

But the point is, we're all
freaks one way or another,

so I don't know.

Get over yourself.

"Get over yourself."

Was that supposed to be a pep talk?

It's as close as you're gonna get from me.

Good night, Jane.