Drop Dead Diva (2009–2014): Season 3, Episode 11 - Ah, Men - full transcript

As Jane (Brooke Elliott) represents Parker's (Josh Stamberg) ex-girlfriend (guest star Brandy Norwood) in a lawsuit against an intransigent life insurance company, Kim (Kate Levering) seeks to help a minister who is encouraging his parishioners to shoplift for charity.

There? That was me... Deb...
until the day I died.

I thought I'd go straight to heaven,

but there was a bit of a mix-up

and I woke up in someone else's body.

So now I'm Jane,

a super-busy lawyer with
my very own assistant.

I got a new life, a new wardrobe,

and the only people who really
know what's going on with me

are my girlfriend Stacy and
my guardian angel, Fred.

I used to think everything
happened for a reason...

and, well, I sure hope I was right.



Hey, good morning, Stace.

Nice night?

Oh. I had a date with judge Owen.

There was surf and sand

and this little shack with
the most amazing shrimp.

And then he taught me
how to yank his tiller.

He did what?

It's a sailing term. He's a sailor.

But I'm trying not to get overly excited

until I hear from him again.

Well, the big question now is,
will he text, e-mail, or call?

After the first date,

the next 24 to 48 hours are so critical.

Like a snakebite or a perm.



So true.

So, how was your night?

Fine. Good.

Fine and good.

What aren't you telling me?

- Jane, I'm a cheater!
- What?

Last night, Brian drove me home

from the "Entertainment weekly" party,
and he kissed me.

Well, that's not so bad, unless...

- You kissed him back.
- I kissed him back.

- Stacy!
- I know.

Well, next obvious question...
did you tell Fred?

Mnh-mnh.

He was asleep when I got home
and when I woke up, he was gone.

Do you have feelings for Brian?

Well, I didn't think so,
but after we kissed, I...

I just need a little time to sort this out.

Well, sort fast. You owe it to Fred.

Good morning.

I got a message you wanted to see me.

We need to talk.

Is this about expensing
those Katy Perry tickets?

Because there's a completely
legitimate reason.

- I need a buffer.
- A buffer?

An old friend is coming in.

Oh, and by "Old friend,"

I'm guessing you mean "Old flame."

Seeing how you're hiding all
the sharp and heavy objects,

I'm guessing it didn't end well.

Elisa and I dated eight years ago.

We didn't share the same values,

so I took her to a nice restaurant

and tried to let her down gently,

at which point she hurled
the centerpiece at me.

Single stem vase?

- Sterling silver fruit bowl.
-Ooh.

Never heard from her
again until this morning.

Oh, and in case she holds a grudge,

you need me to be Barbara Walters.

Yes. Wait, what?

On "The view"?

Babs is the buffer between
Joy and Elisabeth,

and in this scenario, you'd be Elisabeth.

I'm gonna listen for precisely five minutes,

then the phone will ring.

That's when I tell her I can't take her case

and you escort her out.

Mm... I don't think so.

Please.

I'll owe you one... Babs.

Fine.

Might want to hide that paperweight.

Looks kind of heavy.

Kim.

Reverend Phillips.

You've been standing out

here a half an hour. It's safe to come in.

I was surprised to get your phone call.

Is this where you preach now?

No, I've given up the pulpit,
but I'm an elder here,

so this church is in my purview.

Well, it's quaint.

It's a poor church in a poor neighborhood.

Oh, is that why you asked
me here... for fundraising?

Oh, no, no, no.

Not gonna try to squeeze blood from a stone.

Our pastor is in a bit of trouble,

and I need your help.

Ben Logan... meet Kim Kaswell.

Oh. Pastor.

Counselor.

So, why am I here?

We received a letter.

It's from OneStop, the discount chain.

Oh. Yeah, I shopped there once.

They had a sale on cotton
balls and cantaloupes.

I think they're suing us.

Not yet. It's a civil demand.

Pay up, or they'll sue.

It seems they're holding
pastor Logan respons...

Please, call me "Ben."

Uh, Ben responsible for a series of thefts.

Why would they blame you?

Because I told our parishioners that,

under the right circumstances,

it's permissible to
shoplift from their store.

O-kay.

Uh, well, I'm no biblical scholar,

but what about "Thou shalt not steal?"

Leviticus 23:22...

"When you reap the harvest of the land,"

"you shall not reap the very corners."

"Set them aside for the poor."

So you're saying OneStop

is the modern equivalent of a biblical farm,

and you're making sure

they meet their charitable
obligations to the community?

That's right.

But I only encourage our
parishioners to take the basics.

OneStop is the only place within
10 miles to buy groceries.

They took tax incentives,
wiped out local stores,

and give nothing back in return.

If OneStop isn't willing to help the poor,

then the poor will help themselves.

Dad, I'm late for my piano lesson.

Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

My daughter, Ann.

Hi.

If you'll excuse me.

Nice to meet you.

You too.

So...

will you help us?

I'm not sure that this is the right...

He's a single dad.

He lost his wife in a tragic accident

some years back.

And now he's in real trouble.

Wow. I thought guilt was a catholic thing.

We methodists can do all
right in that department.

Well, I don't condone what he's saying,

but I will set up a meeting with OneStop

and see if I can help work this out.

Kim Kaswell, on the side of the angels.

There's a first time for everything.

Thank you for seeing me, Jay.

No problem.

So, Elisa, how can we help you?

My father recently passed away.

Oh, I'm sorry.

He was a factory worker at FTH,

and about a year ago,
he got very, very sick...

congestive heart failure.

And I quit my job to take
care of him full time.

I'm an RN.

Nursing? That's new.

I was in nursing school when we met.

Right.

So, Elisa, how can we help you?

His life-insurance company
refuses to pay on his policy.

Did he keep up with his premiums?

On time every month.

Did he conceal any information
on his application?

No. My dad was super-honest.

Look, I hate to have to
fight for this money, but...

I need it.

Excuse me. I'm so sorry.

Yeah?

Oh, no, the Wilson class action.

Hold him for me. Thanks.

Elisa, I so wish that

there was something that
we could do to help.

This firm just doesn't
handle that sort of thing.

I have to take this call.

Yeah, put him through.

Uh-huh.

There is no Wilson class action, is there?

Oh, what makes you say that?

Well, I noticed how Parker
ex-proofed his office.

I mean, what kind of a lawyer doesn't have

a heavy, pretentious
paperweight on his desk?

Yeah.

Anyway, I assume he told
you about our breakup.

Well, he might have mentioned
something about different values.

Yeah, I valued fidelity,

and he valued sleeping with my roommate.

That pig in a suit.

I've moved on, though,
and I was hoping he had, too.

I didn't know where else to turn.

Um, Elisa...

We're taking your case.

- But Parker said...
- Parker owes me one.

And you know what? He owes you one, too.

- You told her we'd take the case?!
- It is the right thing to do.

Call her and tell her you made a mistake.

Or what?

You're gonna fire me and
sleep with my roommate?

See?

You're overreacting now
because you feel guilty

about how you treated her eight years ago.

Thank you, Dr. Phil.

I will do the heavy lifting.

All you have to do is show up and be a jerk.

It's what you do best.

Why didn't you just open with that?

Are you busy?

If you're busy, I can... I can come back.

- Yeah, y-you're busy.
- No, what's up?

Um, I, uh...

I saw Stacy kissing her co-star.

On screen?

On our porch.

Uh, s-she doesn't know that I know.

Normally, I'd go to Jane with
something like this, but...

But she's Stacy's best friend.

What do I do?

Do I do anything,
or does it just auto-correct,

like when you type "Fondue" into your phone

and it changes it to "Fondling"?

You have to talk to her.

How do I start a conversation
that might end...

us?

It's better than standing in a tux
in front of everyone you know,

waiting for the girl you love,
who never shows up.

You make an excellent point.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey, what's up?

I wanted to tell you about a new client...

Elisa Shayne.

She's an ex.

Oh. O-okay.

Um... and I need to know this because?

Because you and I are together again,

and the last time I represented an ex

and didn't tell you everything...

We're not together.

Uh, what was thursday night...

and friday night, and friday night again?

Um, I don't know. It was... fun?

I appreciate the heads-up,

but you're free to do
whatever or whomever you want.

What I want is you.

I made us a reservation for
tomorrow night at La grande jatte.

Oh. Uh, I can't. Rain check?

Um, okay.

I thought you'd said you were free.

Oh, I know. I just, uh... something came up.

Could you please pull California
Code of Regs, title 10?

Teri?

Sure thing.

Oh, by the way, judge Owen called.

He called? What did he say?

He invited you to an important
lunch in his chambers.

That is so cute.

It's hot.

The only thing hotter
than conjugal-visit sex

is chambers sex.

Why do you think Scalia's
still on the supreme court?

Well, I don't know
if I agree with your analysis,

but I've got a lunch with
a judge in his chambers.

Since pastor Logan began these sermons,

shoplifting at OneStop has spiked.

Come on, we both know
you can't prove a correlation

between the sermons and the thefts.

We disagree.

To quote the pastor,
"OneStop defiles the community"

"like the money-lenders in the temple."

"If you must steal to eat,
don't steal from your neighbors."

"Take what you need from OneStop."

We'd prefer not to sue a man of the cloth

and will withdraw the letter of demand

if he stops telling people
to steal from my client.

Hold on. I have a counter-offer.

I'll continue to speak my mind,

and OneStop will help us reopen
the soup kitchen that closed

when they bankrupted the local
stores that contributed.

I guess we're done here.

- Oh, Jane! Hey!
- Hi!

Welcome. Caipirinha?

Thank you. Sure.

You know, I wasn't expecting so many people.

Yeah, it's my famous
"Buffet and board game" lunch.

- Ooh!
- I started this years ago
in private practice.

- It's fun, right?
- Oh, yeah.

No, yeah, it's very cool.

Great. It's also very crowded.

Yeah, very much so.

Oh, that's judge Abrams. Excuse me?

- Sure.
- Thanks.

So, I've never seen you here before.

- Are you a FOO?
- I'm sorry. A what?

A FOO... a friend of Owen's.

Yes.

Yes, I'm a total FOO.

You're a little early for service.

That's not why I'm here.

So, I take it they're suing?

OneStop has convinced
the D.A. to file criminal charges

for solicitation of theft.

I see.

Ben, can't you just preach
about something else,

I mean, just for a few weeks,
until this settles down?

Every day, I meet people who feel invisible,

people who need help but can't get it.

The fact that I have to
recommend shoplifting

is a grim indictment of how we care

for the least fortunate among us.

Now, I appreciate your help,

but I need to finish my sermon.

Okay.

Ms. Shayne, what is that
on your father's leg?

- An ankle brace.
- And where did he get it?

At an E.R. near Big Sur.

- We were on vacation there a few years ago.
- Mm-hmm.

He slipped by the lake.

Why is this relevant?

Mr. Shayne's application
with practical insurance

required that he list
all his hospital visits

in the preceding five years.

He didn't.

And since you're suing my client,

I thought I'd point it out.

It wasn't serious.
It must've slipped his mind.

As we know, in California,

insurers have a two-year period

in which they can cancel a policy

if they discover that
the application is incomplete.

Mr. Shayne's policy was only 18 months old.

The law's intent is to prevent fraud.

This is a sprained ankle,

totally unrelated to cause of death.

We've had our doctors review the file.

And a fall could have led to an embolism

which may have intensified
his heart condition.

Hence, the policy is rescinded.

Time to be a jerk.

Sure, his sprained ankle
might have led to his death,

just like the Cubs might
win the world series.

Or Paris Hilton might win an Oscar.

Sarcasm notwithstanding,

the law is on our side.

Jane, I got to go. It's urgent.

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, okay.

Excuse me.

We're done here.

Mr. Hensley, we're not done.

In fact, we're just getting started,

and we'll see you in court.

Hey. That sounded pretty tough.

Oh, thank you.

I learned my intimidation
stare from "Top model."

You feel like going for a ride?

Oh. Um, sure.

Appended to the complaint
was an affidavit from Elisa.

Needs a signature.

I'm on it.

I'm sorry the meeting didn't go as we hoped,

but we are not giving up.

Mom, you said you'd tuck me in.

Go brush your teeth. I'll be right there.

Was he the urgent matter

that pulled you out of the conference?

Yeah, babysitter emergency.

Ah. I understand.

Where's his father? Is he around?

He's not involved in Eric's life.

I see. How old is he?

7.

Anything else you need from me?

No, I think we are good.

There is just one little thing.

I know that this is none of my business,

but you and Parker dated eight years ago.

Eric is Parker's son.

You're really not gonna
tell Parker he has a child?

I gave her my word,

and I'm bound by attorney-client
confidentiality.

Then why did you tell me?

Because I had to tell somebody,

and attorney-client is
trumped by roommate-roommate.

Speaking of roommates...
did you talk to Fred?

No. And I feel sick about it.

I was ready to tell him and
beg for another chance,

but then I saw Brian,

and now I'm more confused than when the fed

- raised short-term
interest rates a quarter point.
- Whoa.

I practice my diction by reading the news.

Mm. Wait, where is Fred, anyway?

Kim kept him working all night.

It's the first time I've ever liked her.

Stacy. Talk... to... Fred.

You'll feel better... eventually.

Stacy, we need to talk.

We should talk.

Uh...

If you wouldn't mind talking.

Stacy... why?

You do know you're talking
to yourself, right?

I saw Stacy kissing another guy.

Ho!

Sorry. Sad face. Tell me more.

I know I should confront her,
but I'm afraid,

as soon as I see her,
I'm gonna lose my nerve.

Well, you have to be careful,
because she's an actress,

which means she's a professional liar.

But, then again, she's not
a very good actress, so...

That's not true! She's an amazing actress.

Freddie, how are you gonna confront her

when you're still defending her?

You're right. It's hopeless.

Why don't you let me do it? I'm Korean.

I can do things with wax
that'll make her cry

worse than a virgin on prom night.

Okay, I don't know what that means,

but I need to do this myself.

Okay.

Remember, the recipe for
a good confrontation

is eye contact, breath control,

and a shovel in your trunk, just in case.

Male Announcer:
You can't predict the future.

But with practical insurance,
you have a safety net.

Leave the worry to us.

That advertisement implies

that a policy holder can
depend on you, correct?

Absolutely.

But where does the commercial mention

that practical insurance

employs an off-site army
of doctors whose sole job

is to scrutinize policies
of the recently deceased

to find any reason not to pay?

- Objection. No foundation.
- I'll rephrase.

Given what we all know about your company,

isn't this a more accurate commercial?

Male Announcer: with practical insurance,
you have a safety net.

Leave the worry to us.

Unless, of course,

you die within two years
of buying your policy,

at which point, you better worry.

Practical insurance... employing 75 people

to look for honest mistakes to
screw you out of your money.

Shut that off.

The jury will ignore the stunt

and I won't tolerate grandstanding.

One more inappropriate remark from you

and you will be held in contempt.

- Do you understand?
- Yes, your honor.

I'm sorry to interrupt your
perfectly justified smackdown,

but I have a few questions for the witness.

Go ahead.

Mr. Stout, was this photo obtained

from a website called ex-posure?

Yes, I believe it was.

Ex-posure went out of business a year ago,

which was a total shame,
because its easy-to-use format

was really popular with aspiring models.

My point is, your company's investigators

had this photo for over a year, correct?

Does that matter?

If you knew about the photo

yet continued to receive premiums,

it's de facto acceptance that
the injury was not material.

Under the doctrine of laches,

practical insurance lost
their right to rescind.

We move for a directed verdict.

I'm inclined to agree...

unless Mr. Hensley has some other evidence.

Give us till the end of the week?

You have till tomorrow. Adjourned.

Jane, that was amazing.

Well, we try.

Yes, we do.

- Jane.
- Owen.

Very nice job, counselor.

What are you doing here?

I'll meet you two outside.

- Okay.
- Okay.

You left my chambers so quickly,

I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

Yeah, well, basic party etiquette...

navigate, network,
and never overstay your welcome.

Nice. What are you doing now? You hungry?

I would love to take you
to my favorite restaurant.

We can celebrate laches.

I would love to.

Believe it or not, I've never
celebrated laches before.

New bangs, totally, but never laches.

Hey. I hope you don't mind a working dinner.

I'm starving, and the boss pays
for meals after 8:00, so...

Looks good.

We have bone-in rib eye, baby carrots,

and morel mushrooms.

Fancy.

Well, we got to eat, right?

And since your trial's tomorrow,

I want to make sure you're fully prepped.

Okay.

Okay.

I hope you understand that
you could lose your pulpit

and you're facing jail time.

I do.

Also, for the jury,

I want to make sure you
don't come off too preachy.

I'm a preacher.

That's what I'm talking about.

It's a little holier-than-thou.

Believe it or not, people like me.

I know what you're thinking.

For the price of the bottle

you could feed six Sally
Struthers kids for a year.

Actually, I was thinking
that a cab/franc blend

would have been a better
pairing with the meal.

Wow.

I don't spend all my time in soup kitchens.

I worked a summer at a church in Naples,

right next to a vineyard.

And before divinity school,
I went to Yale, so...

I'm impressed.

Kim, I'm a pastor because it's my calling.

Given your life of privilege,
you might not understand that.

Excuse me, Yale boy,
but what life of privilege?

I worked two jobs to put
myself through law school.

No one gave me anything.

Well... sometimes it's nice to be wrong.

So, tell me again, what made
you think of that argument?

I mean, it was brilliant.

Honestly, I don't know.

- I-I saw that logo...
- Yeah.

And my brain started clicking away.

Huh.

My mind has a mind of its own.

Oh, look, that's Julie.

She worked at my old office.

Her husband left her,
and she's eating alone.

Would you mind if I invited
her over to join us?

Uh, no, I just...

I don't want her to feel like a third wheel.

Wow. That's really considerate.

You know what? I saw a lawyer
that I know at the bar.

I'll invite him over, too.
I'll be right back.

That's thoughtful.

That is not your favorite movie.

I swear!

Come on, what is more romantic

than Stallone, all bloody and bruised,

not caring if he's won or lost,

just calling out for the woman he loves?

"Adrian!"

- "Adrian!"
- "Adrian!"

I guess it's late.

I should let you go.

My favorite part of "Rocky" is the turtles.

I mean, here's this bruising,
blue-collar guy

who just loves these little turtles.

I know. Kind of makes you fall for him.

I don't know how you
remember any of burning man.

The whole thing is a haze to me.

Oh, no, no, no. Remember the guy

the guy who looked like,
uh, George Michael?

Weird british guy? He had the huge nose.

We called him...

Whammed!

I once bought a car from a guy

Who looked like Andrew
Ridgeley with a droopy eye.

Uh, he was the other guy in wham!

Remember, there were two guys in wham!

So, Owen, did you get your
Bonnaroo reservations yet?

Please. I made next year's
before I left this year's.

- Want another bottle?
- Yeah, of course.

Yeah, I'm gonna get going.
I've got an early morning.

- I'll walk you out.
- No, it's fine.

Oh, look, there's Maxine.

Oh, we should invite her over.

- I haven't seen her in two years.
- I know.

She can have your seat, right, Jane?

I mean, you're leaving?

Oh, yeah. I certainly am.

Maxine!

Fred. Where have you been?

I've barely seen you.

Oh, um, Kim had me working all night.

All night? On what?

Maxwell v. House.

Did you just read that off the coffee can?

Mnh-mnh.

Why would you lie to me
about working all night?

Oh, my god, you know about Stacy.

I saw it all.

And I didn't want to say anything

because I'm your guardian angel

and I'm not supposed to be
burdening you with my problems.

Yeah, that's sweet,

but I think we've proven we don't have

the usual guardian angel/
reincarnated model relationship.

In that case, please help.

Okay.

Um, Stacy is at her TV show right now.

So I'll have Teri cover Kim's desk.

Just go talk to her. Tell her how you feel.

How I feel? That would
be nauseous and gassy.

- Fred.
- Gotta go.

- Thank you.
- Yep.

You need to turn around right now.

Excuse me?

The pastor called.
His daughter was arrested.

- Arrested?
- Yeah. Get this... for shoplifting.

- Oh, god.
- She's in lock-up.

He's waiting for you.

I just took a few things,

and I was going to hand them
out at church to the needy.

Honey, I respect the impulse,

but this is not your responsibility...

Ben, the value of
the stolen goods exceeds $1,000.

Even though she'll be in juvenile court,

they're charging her with grand larceny.

$1,000 for what? Toilet paper and rice?

They've trumped up charges against
an innocent girl to get at me.

That's not true, is it, Ann?

Okay, so I took a cellphone,

an MP3 player, and some makeup.

No big deal.

I don't understand.

My friends have those things and I don't.

Compared to them, I'm needy.

No, Ann.

Besides, the companies
that make those things

are just as greedy as OneStop.

- It's not the same.
- Why not?

Why do you get to decide everything?
It's not fair.

What happens now?

Ann will be processed and
released within the hour.

You should take her home,
and then I'll see you later,

at your trial.

Judge Owen is on the line again.

Oh, is it a three-way conference call

or maybe a party line?

- Huh?
- Just tell him I'm busy.

He invited you to dinner, and I said yes.

Wait. No. Teri!

Bingum, the insurance company's
lawyer just asked for a meeting.

He is on his way over.

Oh, that can only mean one thing.

Settlement. Big settlement.

What's this?

I see numbers but no dollar signs.

It's Mr. Shayne's bloodwork,
taken shortly before he died.

It shows the presence of
a drug called clenbuterol,

which is illegal in the United States.

Now, Ms. Shayne just so happens

to have a prescription for it in Canada,

where it is legal.

Make your point.

Phase-one trials suggest clenbuterol

will help patients with
congestive heart failure.

You would have done anything
to help your father.

- Isn't that right?
- Don't say anything.

You smuggled the drug into the U.S.,

and you medicated him yourself.

How is any of this relevant to
her father's insurance case?

Oh, it's probably not.

But Ms. Shayne is a registered nurse.

She did acquire the prescription
under false pretenses,

and I do think the nursing board

would be very interested
to find out about all that.

But if Ms. Shayne drops the lawsuit,

the whole file just goes away.

You're blackmailing her?

I'm negotiating on behalf of my client.

Officer fellows, some key evidence

has gone missing from the vault.

Like what?

I think you know.

Oh, look. I found it.

Good work. And keep your eyes peeled.

There's also a missing BMW.

Well, now I need a ride home.

And cut there! That was fantastic.

Let's take five, please.

Hey, Stacy, there's this
big fundraiser tonight.

You want to be my date?

Oh, I don't know...

It's at Brad and Angelina's.

What to wear!

Yes, I'm in.

Great.

Oh, my god.

Can you just excuse me?

Yeah, sure.

Fred, what are you doing here?

Stacy, we need to talk.

Well, I can explain.

You had two days to explain.

You had two days to tell me
why you kissed another guy.

Can we continue this at home?

When you're back from your date with Brian?

Stacy, I love you.

But if you can't decide who you want,

then I don't want to be with you.

Thank you for helping me out.

You'd do the same for me.

Yes, I would.

Bingum, what's going on?

- You subpoenaed documents on Elisa's case?
- That's right.

She doesn't want to pursue this further.

- Why are you pushing it?
- Why aren't you?

This case should be really important to you.

To me? Why?

Because...

Um, because it's a chance to
do the right thing, Parker.

The right thing is to
respect our client's wishes.

Elisa can't afford to lose her job.

Maybe she doesn't have to.

If practical insurance
is gonna blackmail us,

then I say we fight fire with fire.

That is why I requested a list

of other claimants within
the 2-year rescission period.

If practical sat on information
about Elisa's father,

they probably did the same
thing to other policy holders.

- Precisely.
- Not bad.

Thank you. Do you want to help
us comb through the files?

Yep. When Paris Hilton wins that Oscar.

See ya, Bingum.

Excuse me.

Hey.

How could you tell Fred about me and Brian?

What? I-I-I-I...

You, you, you, you what?

Fred knows everything,

and obviously you spilled the beans.

How could you do that to me?!

Let's talk about what's
really going on here.

Fred trusted you.

You threw him overboard

for the first c-lister to come along.

Brian was rated a-minus by "E.W."

B.F.D.

Look, if you had been cast in a movie

with George Clooney,
and he put the moves on you,

are you really saying you wouldn't have?

I wouldn't have, because I love Grayson.

Fine. You win.

But I have been your best friend
since new kids on the block

really were new kids on the block,

and I expect you not to betray me.

Stacy, I didn't tell Fred.

He saw you kiss Brian.

And as your best friend,

I practically begged you
to tell him the truth,

and you ignored me.

If you're so truthful,

why don't you go into that room

and tell Grayson who you really are?

I didn't think so.

What did Stacy want?

Oh, well, you know Stacy...

always making a mountain
out of a broken nail.

You want to talk about it?

Not really.

Okay. Did you find anything?

Uh, I'm not sure. I do have a question.

Okay.

All right, here's the list of claimants

that died within the 2-year period.

And here's Elisa's father.

Look what it says in the last column.

"Paid"?

That's my question.

Oh, wait. Grayson,
this isn't even Elisa's policy.

Yeah, these numbers...
they're completely different.

Which means someone else

took out a life-insurance
policy on Elisa's father.

Ms. Kaswell, let me put
this to you delicately.

Where the hell is your client?

Your honor, I'm sure he's on his way.

The defendant's over an hour late.

I request a bench warrant for his arrest.

I have no choice. So ordered.

Uh, your honor, I think
I know where he might be.

Then you'd better go get him.

Thank you.

Over the past few weeks,

I've said some controversial things.

I said them not to be controversial.

Well, not just to be controversial.

And I'm now humbled
before you as I confess...

I was wrong.

Over the past 24 hours,
I've come to understand

that shoplifting will not solve our problems

but will only create new ones.

Every day, I'm awed by what
humanity has accomplished.

When we come together,
we build bridges and towers

that seem to stand by faith alone.

But more importantly, together,
we build a community.

Our challenge as a community
and a congregation

is to ensure that none of
us become so desperate...

so invisible that our
only option for survival

is to steal.

In the lord's name...

Amen.

Amen.

I thought we had an understanding.

You don't want to go back
to court, now, do you?

No, I think we can settle
this right here and now.

You've heard of the term
"Janitor's insurance"...

when a corporation takes
out life-insurance policies

on their rank-and-file employees?

It's a little controversial.

Yes, I know what it is.

FTH, the factory that
employed our client's father,

engaged in this controversial practice.

In fact, they took out a policy on his life.

Not illegal.

Except, under the doctrine
of collateral estoppel,

it is illegal for practical insurance

to pay out one policy and not the other

when the claims are identical,
which they are.

And thanks to our subpoena,
we know that our client

isn't alone.

Now, you have something on our client.

We have something on you.

So, you're blackmailing us.

We're negotiating on behalf of our client.

We'll pay,

as long as you don't go to any
other potential claimants.

We'd like a check by the end of the day.

Wait a minute.

Jane, I need to speak to you outside.

Okay.

I can't take that deal.

What? Why?

You heard that lawyer.

I won't let my father's
friends and co-workers

be taken by that company.

Elisa, you need the money,
and you need your job.

Well, if we reject their offer

and they report me to the nursing board,

I still get the insurance money,
though, right?

Probably, but you'll lose your license.

I can find another job.

I won't change my mind.

Okay.

Kim!

Pastor.

I think we're past that.

But, seriously, how'd you
get me released so quickly?

Well, you did most of
the work yourself in your sermon.

The A.U.S.A. has offered up deals
for both you and your daughter.

No jail time but plenty
of community service.

I don't know how to thank you.

- Sorry.
- No. Don't be.

Um, I need to come clean about something.

There's someone else.

And kissing me made you realize

how much you'd rather be kissing him?

No. Yes.

Maybe.

I appreciate the honesty.

"The world is too dangerous
for anything but truth"

"and too small for anything but love."

The esteemed reverend William Sloane Coffin.

Oh.

Um, well, "Thank you for being a friend."

The theme song to "The golden girls."

Jane?

I got your message.

Please, come sit down.

I'm so sorry, but, as we thought,

the nursing board is suspending your license

pending a full investigation.

Yeah.

Well, at least I get to
keep the insurance money

and pay off some bills.

Yeah.

You know what? Let's go get a drink.

Celebrate the good news
and forget about the bad.

I would, but I got to...

Oh, of course. You have to get home to Eric.

Yeah.

Okay, are you sure that you
don't want to tell Parker?

Tell me what?

Um...

Uh, the bad news.

I heard, and that's why I'm here.

While we fight to help you
keep your nursing license,

I'd like to offer you a job here.

Really?

One of our temps quit.

It's mostly clerical stuff.

- I'll take it.
- Great.

Let's go fill out some paperwork

so you can get started immediately.

Okay.

Jane...

Thank you so much for... everything.

You're welcome.

Ohhhhm!

Ohhhhm!

What are you doing, Stace?

I am trying to meditate,
but every time I close my eyes,

I just see Fred's face,

and if you're going to yell
at me some more, please don't.

I'm not gonna yell at you.

He's gone.

He took all of his things,
even our toothbrush.

You share a toothbrush?

Well, not anymore.

Do you hate me, too?

I'm just sad for you guys.

You know, I thought you were so happy.

Did I make a huge mistake?

I mean, should I go find him
and beg for him to come back?

Are you ready to give up Brian?

No... I'm not.

Sweetie, are you going out?

Yeah. Owen asked me to dinner,

not that he'd notice if I didn't show up.

What?

I think we're just friends...

which is fine.

Ooh, I gotta go.

Bye.

Bye.

Please, sit anywhere you like...

preferably with me.

Did you rent out the entire restaurant?

I'm friends with the owner.

Yes, you do have a lot of friends.

Jane, you ever owned a guinea pig?

That's an odd question, Owen.

Uh, no, I cannot say that I have.

Oh, they're fun, sweet, very friendly.

You put one with another one,

bam, they're best friends.

I'm kind of like a guinea pig.

Well, it's... it's nice to be social.

It's also nice to be with you...

just you.

I'll tell you something
else about guinea pigs...

their neuroendocrine stress response

is significantly lowered in
the presence of a single female.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Am I lowering
your neuroendocrine stress response?

You are.

You're also making my heart race.