Drop Dead Diva (2009–2014): Season 3, Episode 10 - Toxic - full transcript

I got a new life, a new wardrobe,

and the only people who really
know what's going on with me

are my girlfriend Stacy and
my guardian angel, Fred.

I used to think everything
happened for a reason...

Whoo!

And, well, I sure hope I was right.

♪ la, la, la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ la, la-la, la ♪

We need to catch the killer.

Well...

This shoe was left behind
at the crime scene.



So we're looking for
a killer wearing just one shoe.

Or a shoeless killer with just one foot.

You up all night watching
your TV debut on a loop?

Mm-hmm.

My agent says I should watch my performance

to see where I went wrong.

Answer... nowhere.

Agreed. You were fab.

But you know, the show
isn't an accurate portrayal

of law and order.

Every tv show takes artistic liberties.

You brought a keg to the crime scene.

And it cheered everyone up.

I am the innocent victim of precinct gossip.



I'd say you're guilty as charged.

Bye, sweetie.

I confess. I'm guilty.

Of wanting to take you to dinner.

I had a really nice time last night.

Yeah, me too.

And this morning.

- Hey.
- Oh, can you hold that, please?

Uh... sure.

- Um, tomorrow night...
- Mm-hmm.

I am going to make you my famous lasagna.

Well, okay.

- Miss you already.
- Back at ya.

- Thank you.
- Absolutely.

Bye.

- Good morning, Jane.
- Back at ya.

Ah, you heard that.

Yeah.

I didn't realize the two of you
were still seeing each other.

Well, we're just having fun.

She's making something famous...

You're dating.

Oh, god. That's Teri's mom.

- She's coming this way. Shh!
- Jane.

See you later. No, no, no! No, no!

Hi! Mrs. Lee! It's really good to see you.

Um, does Teri know that you're here?

No. These are for you.

Oh. Thank you.

"Marcie Larose dating seminar."

Do you think I need help dating?

I don't see a ring on
your finger... or Teri's.

I sent my daughter a ticket last week.

She mailed it back.

Well, you know,

she does have a very active social life,

so maybe she's just not interested.

Promise me you will take Teri to the seminar.

Um... Ooh! This afternoon.

I'm kind of booked.

They cost $500, and
I don't like to waste money!

Okay. And have a good time.

Now, I am not going to that dating seminar.

Marcie Larose is evil.

Her honesty can be brutal.

Try going to high school with her.

What?!

You went to school with her?
What was she like?

She is the original mean girl.

Well, if that's true,

then why would your mother buy you tickets?

She doesn't know about the mean Marcie.

We were friends until junior high,

and then she just turned on me.

And since my family's korean,

We don't discuss feelings,
just grade point averages.

Well, I still think we should go.

Because you want to hear Marcie

or because you're afraid of my mom?

Little bit of both.

But mostly it's your mom.

Ladies, there's only one way to take control

of your relationship before
you walk down the aisle.

Let me hear those words!

Don't give it away!

I can't hear you!

Don't give it away!

Does your airline give away free flights

before you rack up those miles?

No! No! No!
No!

Does your yogurt shop give away a free scoop

before you buy the other nine?

No! No! No!
No!

Make your man earn his reward.
How do you do that?

Don't give it away!
Don't give it away!

- Are you kidding me? She's a fraud!
- Now, I know what you're thinking.

Come on, honey. School is over.
You're an adult now.

"If I don't give it away,
how do I keep my man interested?"

Like the yogurt shop,

It's okay to give a free
sample to whet his appetite.

Okay.

Now, I can look at any woman

- and tell you exactly why she's single.
- Stop taking notes.

She's making some really
good points.

You! Chatty cathy in the back...

Stand up and say hello.

Oh.

Um...Hi. My name is Jane.

Tell us about your last date, Jane.

Okay. We went for drinks.

Just drinks?

You don't think you deserve
some pasta pomodoro?

Oh, no, it's not that. I...

Who paid?

We split the bill.

You went dutch?

Is that because you're from the netherlands?

No, I...

I was just trying to be polite.

You signaled your man

You don't deserve to be treated right.

"Hi, I'm Jane."

"Please take my self-respect."

Pathetic.

Leave her alone, Marcie.

20 years later, and you're still a bully!

Teri Lee! I see you've changed.

Your acne cleared up.

My friend Jane doesn't need your help.

- She dates all the time.
- Thank you.

Yes, but she's still single.

Let me guess, Jane, dear...
you give it away.

Well, just once, but he was a doctor.

Enough, Marcie.

I think it's time that everyone
learn the truth about you.

Listen up, ladies.

In high school,

Ms. "don't give it away"
gave it away all the time.

Her nickname was "high school hoover."

She hoovered the geeks, the jocks,

and the entire chinese bible study club!

Okay, okay, let's go. Thank you.

I hope none of your brothers
are waiting in the car,

because she will hoover them, too!

Well, you were right about Marcie.
She was awful.

I know. I'm so glad that
I finally got to tell her off

after all these years.

Oh, damn it, I just thought

of one more thing I should have said.

What?

Ew! Gross!

- That's disgusting.
- I know.

Oh, god! What the...

Is he gonna jump?

Maybe he just needs some some air.

I mean, I've been in that building.

There's no ventilation,
and it smells like cheetos.

No, he's gonna jump.

Call the cops. I'm gonna go talk to him.

What are you gonna say?

Uh..."don't jump"?

- I-I didn't know anyone else was out here.
- Stay back!

Okay. Okay.

Um...

I'm just out here for some fresh air.

Would you at least tell me your name?

I'm Donny.

Hi, Donny. I'm Jane.

I really wish you'd go back.

I really wish you'd tell me what's wrong.

I lost my job.

Okay, well, that's not so bad.

You know, millions of
americans are unemployed.

And my wife left me.

And I lost visitation rights to my kids

because she thinks that
I'm mentally unstable.

Well, you know, you are standing on a ledge.

Sorry. I was just kidding.

There was a new school in Calabasas.

It's built on contaminated soil.

- Okay.
- The kids will get sick.

And I've tried to stop the opening,

but no one will listen.

Did you talk to a lawyer?

Dozens! They all think I'm crazy!

Well, we all go crazy from time to time.

You should have seen me

when they canceled "all my children."

Jane!

Step away, ma'am.

Sir!

Y-you need to come with us.

It's for your own safety.

Donny... I'm a lawyer.

And if you step down off that ledge,

I will help you.

There she is... modern-day superhero.

Well, I wouldn't go that far, but...

You ran up to a rooftop and
saved a man from jumping.

You deserve a cookie.

Whoo!

Uh, wait, you don't bake.

No. Cassie does.

She dropped them off this morning.

Homemade.

That takes time and care.

She said she couldn't sleep.

How's your crazy guy?
I heard the cops took him away.

He's on a 72-hour hold at mercy general.

And I don't think he's crazy.

I've been doing some research.

He's a soil engineer with a PhD from M.I.T.

He claims that a developer

built a high school on toxic soil.

Bingum, I just heard you saved crazy Donny.

You know Donny?

Mountain West corp is our client.

What?

That's the company that built the school.

Donny's been a thorn in
their side for months.

I had to get a restraining order

to stop him from picketing
in front of their office.

Parker, how do you know that
Donny's concerns aren't valid?

- Oh, no. Shh.
- I'm just saying that...

- I'm gonna stop you right there.
You cannot represent Donny.
- Fing...

Conflict of interest.

- But...
- That's an order!

Ooh. Cookies.

Are you Teri Lee?

I am anyone you want me to be.

Yes, that's me.

Consider yourself served.

Oh, no! Thank you.

Teri, I'm heading out.

Please accept this complaint
on behalf of Ms. Lee.

Uh... wow.

Oh, my god.

You're being sued by Marcie Larose.

What?!

She's suing you for slander per se

because of all that stuff
you shouted at the seminar.

Well, I will sue her right
back for attacking you! Bam!

Actually, you can't.

When you called her a hoover,
you impugned her chastity.

See, under the law,

you can criticize Marcie's makeup or hair

or pretty much anything else,

but as soon as you insult
her sexual decency,

it's slander per se.

Hello? 1920 called.
They want their law back.

I know... it's really archaic,
but it's still on the books.

Well, the joke is on her
because I have no money.

Obviously, she's never seen my car,

because I use the passenger
seat as a napkin.

Teri, until the lawsuit is settled,

they've put a lien on your mother's house,

which is technically in your name.

You lose the suit, she loses the house.

Oh, no. I need you to fix this.

No, I can't. I'm a material witness.

But I will find someone...

Actually, I think I'm fine.

Teri.

Good luck.

Freeze!

Stacy?

Nope!

It's TV's brittany fellows, rookie cop.

And guess what.

I've been asked
back for more episodes!

That's amazing! You're... you're a TV star!

I know!

And Brian Pullman, who plays the lead cop,

asked for me specifically.

He said that I brought nuance, pathos,

and cleavage to the role.

Let's celebrate. Uh, I'll take you to lunch.

Let me just get my deli punch card.

Oh. No, no, no, no.

Today is my treat,
and we're going to the Madrid,

the hottest restaurant in town.

Oh, but... I can't wear this.

Stacy, I only have an hour for lunch.

No problem.

Wardrobe change.

Just give me five minutes, okay?

But you promised you'd help me.

I know.

I just didn't realize that my firm

represents Mountain West,
so there's a conflict.

Those students will get sick...

Everything from impaired
hearing to brain damage.

But I understand, y-you've got a conflict.

Donny, do you have any evidence?

I saw the original soils report!

Okay, if the soil is toxic,

why wouldn't Mountain West

just clean up the site before building?

Paying someone off was a lot cheaper.

Why didn't you go back to the site

and get more samples?

After my test,

Mountain West changed the school design.

The original plans called
for areas with grass.

The revised plans are all
asphalt and artificial turf,

virtually ensuring that future soil testing

be almost impossible.

But that won't stop the lead

from leeching up in the soil
and making the kids sick.

I got to go, Donny.

Jane, look...

Why would I sacrifice so much...

I mean, my job, my...

my family...

if I wasn't absolutely
sure that I was right?

Excuse me?

Were you just with Donny Gibson?

Yeah.

You're the woman who rescued him?

Well, okay, that's me.

How can I help you?

I'm his wife.

Oh.

How is he?

Well, why don't you go see for yourself?

I can't.

I'm only here because I was asked

to fill out some paperwork.

I better get back to it.

Of course.

"Slander per se"?

You must have really pissed this woman off.

I have a gift.

I've noticed. Why me?

The woman suing me is a total bitch.

And you want me because...

You are an even bigger bitch.

And I say that with admiration.

Right.

So what's in it for me?

How about I keep hush-hush

that you're back knocking
boots with the boss?

What? No, we're friends.

Yeah, I left my ipod here last night.

I came back around midnight.

You might want to close your blinds

before you play "ride 'em, cowboy."

Fine.

Just keep your mouth shut,
and I'll represent you.

Yee-haw!

I can't believe we just
did lunch at the Madrid.

Dreams can come true.

I guess the white tablecloths were fancy,

but my chicken was so tiny.

I told you, it was quail.

Quail? Is that...

O.M.G.

Brian's here!

Let's go say hi.

Hey. Same table I always
take if you don't mind.

- Brian!
- Hey... Stacy!

Hey. Oh.

Thank you so much

for asking me back on your show.

I'm so excited.

It's no problem, babe.
I'll, um, see you on set.

Aah!

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Hey, hey, hey. Hey,
blondie, what's your name?

Stacy Barrett. Rhymes with ferret.

Yeah, tell us about Brian.

Oh, Brian... he's amazing. I love him.

- You love him?
- What?

You're dating? Hey, is that a baby bump?

What? No!

I mean, I respect him.

We just work together, and...

and this is just how the dress falls.

Yeah? Who's that guy?

Oh. Him? He's Fred. He's my friend.

"Friend"?

Ms. Bingum, I'm still unclear
why you called me in.

As C.E.O. of Mountain West,

you're a very important client to this firm.

And?

And... due diligence...

I was reviewing your blueprints

and noticed that you changed the design

after the submission of a soils report.

Franklin, hi. What's going on?

Your associate is questioning
the school's redesign.

Bingum?

Even the appearance of impropriety

could give rise to an injunction

preventing the school

from opening on the grounds of fraud.

Do you think I've engaged in fraud?

Absolutely not.

Sort this out.

Then, you let me know if I need
to make a change in counsel.

You talked to Donny again?

- Yes, but...
- You violated privilege

and confronted one of my biggest
clients without telling me?

I wasn't confront... I just...
I want to protect the kids.

Stop!

Donny Gibson has a hero complex.

The last thing he needs
is a lawyer with one, too.

Oh, hear me out...

Jane! We've worked together a long time.

I consider you more than just an employee.

Thank you. You know, I do feel the same way.

Which is why I cannot believe
you went behind my back.

Well...

You're fired.

Jane, I just heard.

- Are you okay?
- Not really.

Parker just fired me and
said I have a hero complex.

Since when did helping people

become such a bad thing around here?

Parker's angry.

Give him an hour to calm down

and say you're sorry.

I'm not apologizing.

So you're really leaving?

Yeah.

I mean, I love working here,

but Donny needs my help.

And if I ignore him and he's right,

how could I live with myself?

How can I help?

I may need another box.

- I mean with your case.
- No.

No. Parker will fire you, too.

And I can't ask you to do that.

Well, you didn't ask. I offered.

Now, what do you need?

I need a temporary injunction

to force Mountain West
to do another soil test

before the school opens.

Which means I need a judge

who doesn't already think
that Donny is a nutball.

Well, a new judge was
just sworn in last week.

I saw him moving into
his chambers this morning.

- That's great.
- Mm-hmm.

So I'll buy him a welcome-to-the-bench gift

and... plead my case.

Here's how it's gonna go down.

You will keep your mouth shut.

I filed a motion to dismiss.

So, hopefully,
the judge will toss your case.

Got it.

Good for you.

What?

Wearing that outfit in public,

not caring what anyone thinks.

Oh, Marcie. Sticks and stones.

Wait, is that how
the surgeon did your face work?

Enough. Best behavior.

- Ms. Kaswell, you're up.
- Yes.

Your honor, in this day and age,

How can the court consider
a slander per se complaint?

The law sets women back a hundred years.

The defendant
wants this case dismissed

'cause she doesn't like the law?

Hey, why don't we throw out speed limits

and shoplifting while we're at it?

Stay on point, counselor.

That woman impugned my client's chastity.

That meets the slander per se criteria.

Ergo, this is a viable cause of action.

And speaking of action,

- why don't you ask Marcie
how many guys she...
- Say it, Teri.

We can always add more
charges to my complaint.

Obviously, the parties go way back.

Perhaps the court's time
would be better spent

if these two women sat down over coffee.

Wouldn't it be nice if our
legal system worked that way?

- Your honor?
- This case will go to trial,

and the lien on the defendant's house

will remain in effect.

How's it look?

Exciting.

Nice, France. International regatta.

Put the big squeeze on
the kiwis for the win.

This...

I got from a kiwi bowman.

- Ouch.
- Yeah, he wasn't a good loser.

Uh, welcome to the neighborhood.

Ah, a tillandsia.

Tillandsia cyanea.

Tillandsia cyanea beneficium.

"Beneficium"... the latin word for "gift."

And "bribe," assuming you're a lawyer.

A lawyer... yes. Bribe... no.

Jane Bingum.

I was just passing through.

Owen French. Just moving in.

Okay, there is just one little thing.

Oh?

If you'd entertain an ex parte application

for a preliminary injunction

to prevent a high school from opening

on toxic ground and force
the developer to retest the soil,

I'd be so grateful.

But other than that,
you're just passing through.

Absolutely.

You didn't pick me

'cause you figured I'm the new judge

who would be too worried
about the students' health

to consider the unusual circumstances

surrounding that request?

No... that's a rhetorical question.

No need for an incriminating response.

Let's go to dinner.

What?

That's completely inappropriate.

And you can't base your
decision on my motion

on whether I go to dinner with you.

I've already made a decision on your motion,

and your response to my
request will have no bearing.

Let's go to dinner. What do you say?

- Absolutely not.
- Too bad.

I'll see you tomorrow, then. Wait. Tomorrow?

The evidentiary hearing to
prove you deserve that motion

will begin at 9:00 A.M. sharp.

Wait, but I'm not ready.

Oh.

Well, I guess we'll both be working tonight.

Thank you for the plant, by the way.

It's... it's very pretty.

What happened?

The second you went after Marcie in court,

you ruined any chance of
making this suit go away.

Some people find my attitude charming.

Really?

'Cause none of those people
are gonna be on the jury.

I have no idea how to argue your defense.

Just say I'm not guilty.

We can't deny what you said!

They'll parade in every woman
who attended that seminar.

What, I'm just screwed?
My mother's gonna lose her house?

The only absolute defense
to slander is the truth.

Good.

- Good?
- Well, yeah.

What I said about Marcie is absolutely true.

She was an absolute slut.

Huh.

The slut defense.

I can work with that,

but I'm gonna have to put you on the stand.

Fine. I love being the center of attention.

Knock, knock.

Hi.

How's it going?

Well, I'm due in court
in less than 10 hours,

so not so good.

Is that a new tie?

Oh. Only you would notice.

And, yes, it was a gift from Cassie.

- Oh.
- Don't say anything.

How's Donny?

He's making progress.

I wish I could say the same for his case.

Oh. So, what's going on here?

I'm looking for evidence of a payoff

around the time the plans were approved.

No luck.

But I did find

a paypal payment of $100,000

from Franklin Turner to
an unidentified recipient,

but that was only three weeks ago.

- I'll follow up on that.
- Thanks.

In the meantime...

I know what you'll be arguing in court.

- You found something?
- I did.

Franklin Turner lives in the
Calabasas high school district,

and his kids were assigned
to the new campus.

But last week,

he pulled them out of that school system

and enrolled them in a school in Encino,

20 minutes from his house.

Unbelievable.

So Franklin's trying to protect

his own kids from toxic lead exposure

while putting thousands of others at risk.

I'm offended by your accusation.

I pulled my kids out of the Calabasas school

because they moved in with my wife.

Excuse me?

We separated five months ago.

She lives in Encino.
I still live in Calabasas.

We decided to keep the
whole thing private...

until now.

Um...

No more questions.

- I've got one.
- Your honor?

Under evidence code section 775,

it's a judge's right to
question the witness,

as I'm sure you're aware.

Of course.

Mr. Turner, why did you
change the school's design

after you saw the soils report?

California's in a drought.

The second design reduced water consumption.

Fair enough.

- Now I have a question for Mr. Gibson.
- Your honor?

People vs. Harris affirms a judge's right

to question the litigants,
as I'm sure you're aware.

- Of course.
- Mr. Gibson...

You saw the lead report
on your boss' laptop?

- Is that correct?
- Yes, sir.

Approach the bench, Mr. Gibson.
Ms. Bingum, you too.

Oh.

Will you hand me your glasses?

How long have you had this prescription?

Since I was 5.

Geez, when was the last
time you cleaned them?

How long were you looking
at the soils report?

A few seconds, but I-I...

The smears on these lenses are
bigger than a decimal point

on a computer screen.

Your honor, can we just
get back to the case?

You have no case.

You have failed to present me

with a scintilla of evidence.

School opens on schedule.

That son of a bitch judge
threw my case down the toilet.

Stacy told a group of paparazzi

that we were just friends.

2,700 high-school kids are
gonna be exposed to toxic lead.

Okay. You win. What can I do to help?

- Nothing. It's over.
- Well, there, I tried.

Now help me compete with Stacy's co-star.

You can't compete with Brian Pullman.

Thanks.

Do you happen to have a sharp stick

you could jab in my eye?

What I mean is, you can't
compete with Brian Pullman,

so don't even try.

So, if you are really worried

that Stacy's distracted,

then you need to turn her focus back on you,

remind her why she loves you.

You know, show her your Fred-ness.

How do I do that?

Not by sitting here and
feeling sorry for yourself.

Yeah, well, right back at ya.

Jane here?

- Oh.
- Come on in. I was just headed out.

Hey!

Wow, you're really loving that new tie.

I had breakfast with Cassie
at the Beverly Hills hotel.

I had to wear it.

That was considerate.

Okay.

Enough. Why don't you like Cassie?

I... Like her just fine.

Every time I bring her up,

I get a look or a snide remark.

Why?

Okay.

I don't like that she's giving it away.

What?

- I know that you are just having fun...
- Mm-hmm.

But she is investing in you.

And, as another single woman,

it's just really hard to watch.

I'm completely overstepping.

I'm sorry.

Could we please just change the topic?

Okay, apology accepted.

Now, you want to know the other reason

I was in Beverly Hills?

You were stalking a Kardashian?

I was tracking Franklin
Turner's 100k paypal payment.

It went to a jeweler on rodeo.

Well... Thank you for looking into it,

but the case is over.

Just like Franklin's marriage...

or so we thought.

What?

The jeweler told me

that Franklin bought a diamond
necklace for his wife.

They picked it out together.

Oh, my god!

So you think they're not really separated?

No, I think the divorce
was a sham for court.

Just keep your mouth shut,

and only speak when I ask you a question.

- Got it.
- Good.

Holy crap, it's my mom!

Teri.

Umma, what are you doing here?

I received this in the mail!

It's a lien against your home.

You are being sued by Marcie Larose?

Mrs. Lee, I'm Teri's attorney,

and I assure you I have
everything under control.

If you had everything under control,

this case would not be going to trial.

I talked to the clerk.

He said that my daughter
had an outburst in court.

Umma, please go home.

After the trial,

I'll pick up some gamjatang at Seoul garden.

and we will laugh about this.

Well, not so much laugh as eat in silence

while watching "NCIS."

I will be watching the trial to make sure...

No more outbursts!

Oh.

It'll be fine.

Can you tell the court

why you called Ms. Larose "the hoover"?

I referred to Ms. Larose as "the hoover"

because that was her
nickname in high school.

Do you know how she got that nickname?

Yes, she got it

at Felicity Davidson's sweet 16 party.

Go on.

Marcie entertained the guys in
the Davidsons' laundry room.

Afterwards, I spoke to the recipients

of Marcie's generosity,

and they provided all the details.

No more questions, your honor.

Ms. Larose helped compile the guest list

for Felicity's party...

a guest list you weren't on.

Isn't that correct?

That's right. I crashed the party.

I see. How late did you stay?

Way past midnight. It was a rager.

So at 9:45, when, uh,
the smoke detector was activated,

Mr. Davidson kicked everyone out...

Where were you?

You didn't see anyone
go into a laundry room.

You started the rumor,
and you made up the nickname.

Isn't that what really happened?

You lied on the stand?

Ms. Kaswell, I'll handle this.

You lied on the stand?!

- I'm sorry, Umma.
- What is wrong with you?!

I was trying to save your house.

I didn't know what else to do!

Marcie was a sweet girl... your friend...

and you attack her?

No, Umma, Marcie was not a sweet girl.

She teased me about my weight,

my acne, my clothes...

You wore what we could afford.

And the stinky kimchi
in my lunchbox, every day.

Homemade.

One day, Marcie told me
that I was on the guest list

for felicity's party,
and so I spent all my savings

on this really cool outfit.

And when all the other
kids got their invitations,

I told Marcie that mine
must have gotten lost

in the mail, and... she just laughed.

You never told me.

Because you didn't want to hear it!

Okay.

You didn't get invited to the party,

- So you started the hoover rumor.
- Yeah.

But it didn't matter
because nobody believed me.

Nobody believes me now or then.

Nobody cares,

because nobody can get
enough of Marcie Larose.

Why are you smiling? It's creepy.

'Cause this case isn't over.

Surprise!

On our first date, we had caramel apples.

Of course.

Tonight, I have planned a
tour of our greatest hits.

Skee-ball at the Santa Monica Pier,

Then the annual mariachi
festival at Casa Burrito,

finishing off with '80s night
at the hollywood roller rink.

Get ready for a night of Fred-ness.

Oh, Fred, I love our hits,

but I've already got plans.

Oh. Okay.

Well, we can do whatever you want to do.

Well, actually, I'm going to

an "entertainment weekly" party with...

- Don't say it...
- Brian.

It's work. Promoting our show?

Okay. Pretend you're a paparazzi.

Ask me a question.

Okay.

I am outside the
"entertainment weekly" party,

and... oh, look... there's Brian Pullman

and his sexy co-star.

Hey, sexy co-star,

where's your boyfriend, Fred?

Um...

Yeah.

You might want to work on that answer.

Fred, I'm sorry I called you a friend.

But this is my dream job,

and going with Brian is part of that job.

I just wish that you could understand that

and be a supportive boyfriend.

Franklin lied.

Bingum, what are you doing here?

Franklin Turner purchased
a necklace for his wife

Three weeks ago for their anniversary.

So this whole separation is a pretext

for keeping the kids out
of the toxic school.

What?

After I found out about the jewelry,

I drove to the wife's house in Encino,

took a picture of the perfectly happy couple

- enjoying a romantic dinner.
- You trespassed,

and now you sound as crazy as your client.

Is this really how you're
gonna spend your life, Parker?

Selling your integrity by the hour?

You had no problem taking a paycheck

when you worked here.

Now get out of my office.

Hello, Bingum.

You kick me out of your office.

then you ask me to meet
you on the eighth hole.

What's going on?

You know much about building a golf course?

What? No.

At least I don't think I do.

Pay attention...

You might learn something.

Okay.

Five years ago,

this land was dry and flat.

A developer turned it into this...

with hills and valleys.

How do you suppose he did that?

- Um...
- Dirt.

Lots and lots of dirt.

Parker, what is going on?

Seriously, did you have
a stroke or something?

You're acting really weird.

Hey, Bingum... catch.

Ms. Larose, you're known as
the "don't give it away" lady,

- correct?
- Yes.

So, after my client called you a hoover

and left your seminar,

how many attendees wanted their money back?

None.

How many cancellations for
your upcoming seminars?

Again, none.

But Teri Lee told a roomful of women

that you gave it away.

I mean, surely that would hurt business.

Nobody listens to Teri Lee.

Nobody ever listened to Teri Lee.

An excellent point, Marcie. Thank you.

What?

Your honor, the defense moves to dismiss.

The law is clear.

Slander requires at least the possibility

that the victim be damaged
by the public utterances.

By Ms. Larose's own admission,

neither her business nor her
reputation suffered one bit.

- Hold on. I meant...
- You were perfectly clear, Ms. Larose.

This case is dismissed.

Thank you.

Yeah, whatever.

Marcie...

I'm sorry I started that rumor.

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

Let me get one thing perfectly clear...

nothing you could ever say
could hurt my feelings.

Well, if that's the case,

I don't feel bad calling you a bit...

Hello, Mrs. Lee.

Hello, Marcie. I'm sorry to interrupt.

But let me be perfectly clear.

I listen to Teri Lee,

and I believe she was
about to call you a bitch.

And I couldn't agree more.

Let's go eat some smelly kimchi.

Mr. Turner,

do you remember what happened to the dirt

that was removed from the high-school lot

after you dug the foundation?

It was several years ago.

1,000 tons were delivered to
the Agoura country club...

to create the hills and ponds

and fairways.

I would like to submit

this bill of lading as the
plaintiff's exhibit 6.

Your honor, how much more of this

do we need to sit through?

Didn't you dismiss for lack of evidence?

That was before she filed a qui tam suit,

allowing her to sue personally
on behalf of the high school...

a shrewd legal maneuver
that I did not see coming.

So, Mr. Turner,

if the soil from the high-school site

is not toxic,

then you shouldn't have any trouble

eating this orange from a tree

that's been growing in that
soil for the past two years.

Objection.

Judge Owen: Sustained. Ms. Bingum,

there will be no snacking on
the allegedly tainted citrus.

No problem.

I've paid an independent testing company

to test the soil around
the Agoura country club

for lead contamination.

The preliminary testing has yielded some

pretty interesting results.

In fact, I have an e-mail here from...

Your honor, may I take a moment
to consult with my client?

Why not?

What's going on there?

Oh.

Franklin's telling Parker
that there's "a chance"

that the soil study from the golf course

might find some lead.

And now Parker is telling Franklin

that if that's the case,

now might be a really good time

to make us a settlement offer.

So Franklin is getting angry

and telling Parker there must
be something he can do.

So Parker is going to turn to me and say...

Ms. Bingum, can we step outside?

Absolutely.

- With your permission, your honor.
- Of course.

While I'm out, say hello.

Catherine?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Bingum!

Congratulations on your win, counselor.

Thank you.

And thank you for the
tour of the golf course.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

After you left my office,

I had an obligation to assess
the validity of your accusation.

The courts frown upon
subordination of perjury,

and I couldn't be a part of that.

Wow. That's a load of legal crap.

Your only obligation was
to keep your mouth shut

and protect your client.

Former client.

They'll spend every last cent
cleaning up that toxic soil.

Won't be any money left
over for legal services.

I can't say I'm sorry.

So, I have an opening

for a talented, determined attorney.

Comes with terrific benefits,
opportunity for promotion,

and a crabby assistant.

What do you say?

Jane?

Hey, Cassie.

If you were looking for Grayson...

I'm here to see you.

O... kay.

- You broke us up.
- What?

N-no.

What did Grayson say?

He said that it wasn't
fair for him to lead me on,

that I was investing in him.

But Grayson doesn't talk like that.

He doesn't think like that.

Okay.

See...

I'm actually... trying to look out for you.

See, Grayson's...

I was happy with what we had.

It was fun.

I knew exactly who I was to him,

and I was fine with it.

The bigger question here is...

who are you to Grayson?

I'm his friend.

He told me about how

you were by his bedside during his coma,

how you helped plan his failed wedding.

You even got him the job at this firm.

That's more than a friendship...

that's an investment.

You should go.

I don't like to meddle, but, um...

You should tell him how you really feel...

or move on.

You might not be sleeping with him, Jane,

but you're still giving it away.

Come in, Ms. Bingum!

Okay. How did you know...?

We have dinner reservations at 8:00.

Although you are a little early.

I-I haven't disrobed.

I already said no to having dinner with you.

That's when you were in the midst of a case.

Now that you've snatched victory

from the jaws of defeat,
you have reconsidered.

Perhaps I'm wrong,
Ms. Bingum. Why are you here?

I wanted to thank you

for hearing my qui tam petition

and for ensuring that justice is served.

You're very welcome.

Is that all?

Yeah. That's all.

Have a good evening.

You too.

Oh! Whoa!

Thank you for giving me time to change.

You ready to eat?

But I...

But you, what?

Um...

I was wondering if you
wanted to get a drink...

on the way to the restaurant.

It's like you're reading my mind.

Please.

His honor would be honored.

Oh.