Drawn Together (2004–2007): Season 3, Episode 8 - Lost in Parking Space: Part Two - full transcript
Second half of "Lost in Parking Space, Part One." Toot drinks saltwater and goes insane, prompting the others to kill and eat Ling-Ling. Foxxy is kidnapped by the manager at Hot Topic, who ...
Previously on Drawn Together…
Prepare yourself…
For the rapture
is almost upon us.
I'm sick of that
bible-thumpin' bitch.
Let's go to the mall!
SPANKY: I hope you know
what the hell you're doin'.
I am going in.
SPANKY: That's a compact spot!
FOXXY: Oh, lordy, we trapped!
We trapped! [SCREAMING]
Aah! Satan!
The Antichrist! Super-duper!
I will do anything you ask of me.
Anything!
You're all gonna die!
Yaah!
I am goin' for help.
I'm the troop leader?
Must run away. Must…uh, run-run…
run, Xandir, run!
Where do you got your Drawn
Together merchandise?
In the back. Unh!
[WIND WHISTLING]
We're all going to
die in this van.
Thanks to Wooldoor,
we got no water, no fire,
no ventriloquistic entertainment.
Nothing!
You should've just let me burn,
like you did all those
kids in the orphanage.
Hot-cha-cha-cha-cha!
Uh, we could drink the water
from Ling-Ling's
Saltwater fish tank.
Are you crazy?
Everyone knows that
drinking salt water
dehydrates you and
makes you hallucinate.
Oh, poo-poo.
That's just an urban legend.
I'll show you "urban legend".
No…no!
The treasure's gone!
I have nothing left to live for.
Aaahh!
Hey! Whaddya know?
Wooldoor was right.
I feel well-hydrated
and perfectly lucid.
[ECHOING AND SLOWING
DOWN] Lucid…Lucid…
Lucid…
NARRATOR: The
Saltwater Toot drank
is causing her to become
further dehydrated.
Her enlarged heart is forced
to pump harder and faster
than that time she
went up those stairs.
The chunky clots
of blood struggle
to struggle through her
veins and/or arteries.
Meanwhile, her fat
kidneys are shutting down
and filling her
body with toxins,
causing Toot to hallucinate.
Yep, everything is perfect,
except for that
man-eating polar bear
with scorpion tail!
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[SCREAMING]
[DOG BARKS]
I will do anything
evil you wish, master.
You know, I do kinda have
one secret fantasy.
[GIGGLES]
Yee-haw!
♪♪ Drivin' in the
carpool lane yeah! ♪♪
This is so wrong.
Because technically, we're
not really carpooling.
Just like that guy
technically shouldn't be
in the funny vanity plate lane.
I'm glad I could make your
delivery route more efficient,
my goat-legged prince of lies.
And so, like a roadie for Cher,
I travelled the earth
at Satan's side.
Say, check out that
nice-looking ox.
I don't know if I can.
The ninth commandment says,
"thou shalt not covet
thy neighbour's ox."
Jeez, I was just
saying to look at it.
Oh.
As you wish.
Oh, my. That is a sweet ox.
I haven't seen a bovine
with such kind eyes
since mother Teresa died.
Oh, yes. I'm doing it.
I'm coveting the
fuck out of that ox,
and I like it.
And it was at that
moment I realised…
I love evil! Whoo!
Ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha! Whoo! [PLAYS GUITAR]
Whoo hoo! Ha ha! Yeah!
Finally,
we got something to talk about.
[WHIPPING, SCREAMS ECHOING]
[MUFFLED GRUNTING]
So, how are we
doin', Foxxy love?
[MUFFLED SCREAM]
Can't complain.
Yow! Yaaah!
Barney!
Yaah! Yow!
What the hell is
goin' on around here?
You see, many of you
annoying cartoon characters
show up at hot topic
looking for merchandise
from your insipid shows.
[GIGGLES]
[SCREAMS]
I came to the only
logical conclusion.
If I could kidnap cartoon
characters everybody hates,
people would pay handsomely
for the chance to torture them.
This is men's fault.
And wouldn't you know it?
I was right.
The more reviled the character,
the more people will pay.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Owooo!
And, given the hatred
that all high school
graduates bear
towards Drawn Together,
I'm sure you, Foxxy love,
will be my biggest pay day yet.
No! Please don't!
I wanna speak to yo' manager.
I am the manager.
[CELL DOOR SLAMS]
[WIND WHISTLING]
S-so cold.
But snowflakes… So beautiful,
s-so unique,
like a child's laugh.
Unh!
MAN: Hey, that guy looks dead.
Let's take his shoes.
[SNORTS] Huh? Oh, god.
Are you guys gonna
take advantage of me?
If you are, please ignore
the tattoo on my ass.
"Living positive" just
seemed like a cool motto
back in 1983.
Wow. Look at this, Nathan.
He's a troop leader.
oh, no. Not anymore.
I…walked away from all that.
You ran away from your
responsibilities, too?
BOTH: So did we.
We left our jobs
and our families
to live behind the
dumpster at the mall.
Really? Why would
you wanna do that?
Well, I'll tell you, kid.
ª ♪♪ scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie âª
♪♪ it's a doozy of a word ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Have some booze
and lay a turd ♪♪
♪♪ In public view ♪♪
why the hell not?
♪♪ No need to give
a flying fuck ♪♪
♪♪ About what anyone
else might say ♪♪
♪♪ My toilet is a tire,
teens set me on fire ♪♪
♪♪ And you're off the grid,
and the tin foil hat ♪♪
♪♪ Blocks the government from
accessing the chip in your brain ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Every dumpster
is a smorgasbord ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ The mean streets are
your room and board ♪♪
♪♪ The world's your
oyster, that we know ♪♪
♪♪ When you take up the
life of a derelict hobo ♪♪
♪♪ Livin' on the easy streets ♪♪
♪♪ Where the Freemasons
can't detect you ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
Shh!
The man-eating polar bear
with scorpion tail
has hearing based on sound.
We're all gonna die!
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
Someone shut that
fucking chicken up,
or we're all gonna die!
I said shut that chicken up!
If the fat chick hallucinating
from the salt water
says it's true, then
it must be true!
Whew, it's gone.
That was a close one.
[ALL SIGHING] Close.
[SLOWED DOWN] Close one.
[FARTS]
I'm alive! I'm Ali…
[CRUNCH] Oh, my god!
That wasn't a chicken.
It was Ling-Ling.
Nooo…
hang on.
Then who did I give
my dry-cleaning to?
[CLUCKING]
Noooo!
CLARA: Being evil was the most
wonderful feeling in the world.
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
Oh, god! Not the
handicapped sanctuary!
So nice.
DELIVERY GUY: Be careful.
Caw! I'm deaf.
Caw! I'm deaf.
Caw! I'm deaf!
[THUMP] Aah!
Aah! You just killed
that one-legged man!
Le well, he sure
wasn't handi-capab
of dodging the Satan-mobile!
[THUMP]
Stop this truck right now!
[TIRES SKIDDING]
What's wrong, dark master?
The company has a strict policy
against murder.
Unlike DHL. Their
whole pay scale
is based on confirmed kills.
You can't just murder people!
Lucifer, you have grown soft.
You are not fit to be lord
of the hoary netherworld.
The apprentice has
overtaken the master.
Mmm…
unh! Aah!
Later!
Oh, no! Not thalidomide lake!
[BONES CRUNCHING] [SCREAMING]
I crave pure evil.
And some chocolate.
I think I'm getting my period.
Opp! Yep, there she is.
We can sit here
and argue for hours
about who suffocated Ling-Ling.
But the truth is,
he's dead, and we are hungry.
Captain Hero,
what are you saying?
I'm saying what
we're all thinking.
it's time to cuddle
with the charred corpse
of that dummy.
I'll make you feel
like a real boy.
[IMITATING HANNIBAL
LECTER SUCKING TEETH]
I thought he was gonna say
we should eat Ling-Ling.
What? We can't eat Ling-Ling.
Or can we?
Yeah! Sure! Why not?
What's a mutual fund?
Fine. If we must, we must.
But before we eat Ling-Ling,
let us take a moment to
remember the good times.
I'll always remember
our trip to Paree.
Guys, this trip has really
brought us together.
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
And remember when we all got
fucking wasted on the roof?
Oh, look. A shooting star.
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
Oh, and remember that time
Ling-Ling learned to speak English?
What's wrong with you people?!
?! Why don't you listen to me
Ling-Ling religion
very a-specific!
If body eaten, soul will
burn in purgatory forever!
Forever!
Well, guys, let's dig in.
It's what Ling-Ling
would have wanted.
[SPLASHING] This is the life.
Ahh. Not a care in the world.
Yup. No house, no job,
no doctors.
[RIPPING]
I don't care. Hey, lady.
Spare change?
Whoa. You guys
are in worse shape
than those freaks in that van.
Oh. You saw the people
in that van, huh?
Oh, yeah. They're a mess…
eating each other,
screaming and yelling.
They thought I was some kind
of polar bear scorpion monster.
[SPLASHING] Really?
That's terrible.
Xandir? [DRIP]
Listen to me,
a strange reflection of a lion
in a puddle of piss.
You must return to the van
to save your house mates.
Me? Who am I?
You am be the troop leader.
[TRIBAL YELL]
Now pour yourself a hot cup
of "stop being such a homo"
and get back into that van.
Oh. He's right.
Ernie? Nathan?
You've been really great to me,
but I need to go
back to the van,
for I am the troop leader.
[TRIBAL YELL]
Wow. He's takin'
responsibility for his life.
Maybe we should do the same.
Ma'am?
Could we bother you
for some bus fare?
Oh, certainly.
I think I have some extra.
[ROARING]
[CHOIR VOCALISING]
Aaah!
ª ♪♪ someone's here
to torture you âª
how could you do this?
Do you think hot topic
could support itself
by selling hello
kitty coin purses
and invader zim
steering wheel covers?
What kind of business
model is that?
Ugh… She's all yours.
Unh! Ugh!
[SCREAMING]
Foxxy?
Clara? [GASPS] I saved!
I am not here to save you.
I was left behind when you
were all raptured to heaven.
I sold my soul to the devil
and devoted myself
to committing sins.
Oooww!
Uh, Clara…
If we was raptured up to heaven,
why would I still be here?
Hmm. I don't know, Foxxy.
Maybe this'll
refresh your memory.
Oooww!
Uh, Clara…
I rully wish you
wouldn't do that anymore.
Look, nobody was raptured.
We just all went to the mall.
But you were all gone.
I just assumed the rapture came.
I could see that.
I'm so sorry, Foxxy.
Hey, is everything OK in…
unh! Ow.
Let's get outta here!
Wait! Come back!
Oh, no.
Old man topic is
not gonna like this.
[ORGAN PLAYS NOTE]
[HAPPY WHISTLING]
Hey, anyone want to trade
Ling-Ling in lobster sauce
for mu shu Ling-Ling?
No, thanks. I'm stuffed.
[FARTS]
Me, too. That was so much better
than the Ling-Ling
pizza I had yesterday.
Oh, I could not
eat another bite.
[ALL GROAN HAPPILY]
Damn you, Chinese food.
I'm so hungry again.
[HOWL]
The temperature's dropping fast.
We'll surely freeze to
death before sunrise!
Aah!
There must be some
way to stay warm.
[GROANING]
There is!
[HUMMING]
And I thought I smelled
bad on the outside.
We'll be warm in here.
Hero, like I told you
at that sorority mixer…
There are already 2 of us
inside this fat chick,
and there's no room for you!
All right, fine.
I'll just use my heat vision
to blow up the gas tank.
That'll keep me warm.
[METAL HISSING]
No, Captain Hero, stop!
We can't all keep dying and
then coming back to life
the next episode. It's
totally illogical!
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
[TRIBAL YELL]
My fellow mall-mates.
Your troop leader hath returned!
Oh, my god!
Xandir…
You're the one who
got us into this mess!
Hey, guys, this
is all his fault!
I say we tear his
flesh from his bones
and use it for kindling!
Charge!
[ALL YELLING]
Let's hide in here.
The window! Quick!
[MAN SCREAMING]
We can't leave, Clara.
We got to save them people
who's bein' horribly tortured.
MAN: You mean the viewers?
No.
Them lame cartoons.
CLARA, THINKING: Hmm. Saving
those cartoon characters
could be my chance to get
back in god's good graces
and get into heaven.
Foxxy will probably get in
because of all those ridiculous
affirmative-action laws.
But because I'm white,
I'll have to work for it.
You're right, Foxxy.
Now let's go do
that thing you said
that I can't remember because
I was thinking about my hair.
Kill him! Die, you
son of a bitch!
Ooh, I love your boots.
Seriously, what's a mutual fund?
Wait, stop! Hold up!
Listen, I know when I gave up
I let you all down.
Including myself.
But who here never
gave up on something?
Um, Toot, you clearly
gave up caring
about your physical appearance.
Eh, I guess you're right.
[SQUISHING]
And, Wooldoor,
you gave up your
mentally challenged baby
for adoption.
I sure did.
[RIMSHOT]
And, Spanky, you gave
up on imagination
and made the nothing come.
They look like big,
strong hands, don't they?
And, hero, you gave up $10,000
for a donkey
on let's make a deal.
That donkey paid for itself
in the first 6 months.
But I'm back, and I'm
not givin' up on us.
I'm leading us out of this van
like Moses led the
Jews out of the desert
to the world's
everlasting regret.
We'll never get out of here!
It's hopeless.
That's where you're
wrong, Wooldoor.
There is hope!
As long as we're together,
drawn… you say,
"Drawn Together,"
and I swear to Christ
I'm gonna cave your skull in
with a tire iron
and eat what drips out.
All right, fair enough.
But I have a plan to
get us out of here.
I know it's against gay policy,
but spit it out!
Just look around!
We can use the
scrap from the van
to make some kind of vehicle.
! Yeah! I think he's right
yeah, that'll work!
That can work!
Did anyone like
that greek wedding movie?
I'm trying to figure out if
I should rent it or not.
[WHIPPING, CRIES ECHOING]
[OVER P.A.]
Attention, torturers.
We have a security breach.
We must evacuate hot
topic immediately
before the authorities arrive.
Not going back to jail.
[FOXXY SCREAMS]
What part of "we
need to evacuate"
do you not understand?
Not today, mister!
Huu-aahh!
Aaah!
Nice work, Clara.
Now let's get his…
ok. I think you got him.
I…
Must…
Get…
Into…
Heaven!
Is you done?
Not sure.
How do you know when you're
done killing something?
When yo' man pick
you up at the clinic
and take you
drinkin' at the club.
Now let's save some lives.
Holy crap. We've gotta hurry.
Don't worry, innocent victims.
We are here in the name
of the lord to save you.
Thank you! Thank you so much.
Oh, I'm not doing
this for thanks.
I'm doing this to make up
for the sins I've committed
so I can get into heaven.
Well, that's nice.
But technically,
to get into heaven,
you just have to ask
Jesus to forgive you.
Really? Jesus forgives
everybody who asks.
Oh. Well, that
sounds a lot easier
than sorting through
all these keys.
FOXXY: Ooh. There it go.
Let's get outta here, Foxxy.
Oh, I am so sorry.
Later!
Aw, shucks.
I'm gonna die.
And I've never known
what it's like to love.
What about all the stuff we did
when we went camping, Davey?
That wasn't about
love, Goliath.
It was about power.
XANDIR: And so we put operation
"my idea" into effect.
[MUSIC SIMILAR TO
THE A-TEAM PLAYING]
[BUZZING]
Good work, guys!
We're almost home.
[RUMBLING]
Ow! What the hell?
Aah! It's the van!
We've compromised its
structural integrity.
It's going to collapse!
We have to launch now!
But she's not ready!
if we launch now, she
could break apart!
We could die!
If we stay here,
we're already dead!
So like the time Fernando
and I went to a diner
and ordered a bowl
of soup to split,
but we didn't feel
like crackers,
we got a roll!
[WHEEL SQUEAKING]
You did it, troop leader…
Who's a homo.
No, we did it!
[ALL CHEERING]
Let's get the van
and go to the mall!
Hey, look!
Hey, guys, what's up?
Baby, that's a sweet-ass rim!
Look at us.
We all made it out alive.
And best of all,
no one got hurt.
[BOOM]
[CAR ALARMS BLARING]
The important thing is
that we're all together.
Drawn tog… [WHANG]
[SLURPING]
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
[WHISTLING AND
INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]
Prepare yourself…
For the rapture
is almost upon us.
I'm sick of that
bible-thumpin' bitch.
Let's go to the mall!
SPANKY: I hope you know
what the hell you're doin'.
I am going in.
SPANKY: That's a compact spot!
FOXXY: Oh, lordy, we trapped!
We trapped! [SCREAMING]
Aah! Satan!
The Antichrist! Super-duper!
I will do anything you ask of me.
Anything!
You're all gonna die!
Yaah!
I am goin' for help.
I'm the troop leader?
Must run away. Must…uh, run-run…
run, Xandir, run!
Where do you got your Drawn
Together merchandise?
In the back. Unh!
[WIND WHISTLING]
We're all going to
die in this van.
Thanks to Wooldoor,
we got no water, no fire,
no ventriloquistic entertainment.
Nothing!
You should've just let me burn,
like you did all those
kids in the orphanage.
Hot-cha-cha-cha-cha!
Uh, we could drink the water
from Ling-Ling's
Saltwater fish tank.
Are you crazy?
Everyone knows that
drinking salt water
dehydrates you and
makes you hallucinate.
Oh, poo-poo.
That's just an urban legend.
I'll show you "urban legend".
No…no!
The treasure's gone!
I have nothing left to live for.
Aaahh!
Hey! Whaddya know?
Wooldoor was right.
I feel well-hydrated
and perfectly lucid.
[ECHOING AND SLOWING
DOWN] Lucid…Lucid…
Lucid…
NARRATOR: The
Saltwater Toot drank
is causing her to become
further dehydrated.
Her enlarged heart is forced
to pump harder and faster
than that time she
went up those stairs.
The chunky clots
of blood struggle
to struggle through her
veins and/or arteries.
Meanwhile, her fat
kidneys are shutting down
and filling her
body with toxins,
causing Toot to hallucinate.
Yep, everything is perfect,
except for that
man-eating polar bear
with scorpion tail!
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[SCREAMING]
[DOG BARKS]
I will do anything
evil you wish, master.
You know, I do kinda have
one secret fantasy.
[GIGGLES]
Yee-haw!
♪♪ Drivin' in the
carpool lane yeah! ♪♪
This is so wrong.
Because technically, we're
not really carpooling.
Just like that guy
technically shouldn't be
in the funny vanity plate lane.
I'm glad I could make your
delivery route more efficient,
my goat-legged prince of lies.
And so, like a roadie for Cher,
I travelled the earth
at Satan's side.
Say, check out that
nice-looking ox.
I don't know if I can.
The ninth commandment says,
"thou shalt not covet
thy neighbour's ox."
Jeez, I was just
saying to look at it.
Oh.
As you wish.
Oh, my. That is a sweet ox.
I haven't seen a bovine
with such kind eyes
since mother Teresa died.
Oh, yes. I'm doing it.
I'm coveting the
fuck out of that ox,
and I like it.
And it was at that
moment I realised…
I love evil! Whoo!
Ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha! Whoo! [PLAYS GUITAR]
Whoo hoo! Ha ha! Yeah!
Finally,
we got something to talk about.
[WHIPPING, SCREAMS ECHOING]
[MUFFLED GRUNTING]
So, how are we
doin', Foxxy love?
[MUFFLED SCREAM]
Can't complain.
Yow! Yaaah!
Barney!
Yaah! Yow!
What the hell is
goin' on around here?
You see, many of you
annoying cartoon characters
show up at hot topic
looking for merchandise
from your insipid shows.
[GIGGLES]
[SCREAMS]
I came to the only
logical conclusion.
If I could kidnap cartoon
characters everybody hates,
people would pay handsomely
for the chance to torture them.
This is men's fault.
And wouldn't you know it?
I was right.
The more reviled the character,
the more people will pay.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Owooo!
And, given the hatred
that all high school
graduates bear
towards Drawn Together,
I'm sure you, Foxxy love,
will be my biggest pay day yet.
No! Please don't!
I wanna speak to yo' manager.
I am the manager.
[CELL DOOR SLAMS]
[WIND WHISTLING]
S-so cold.
But snowflakes… So beautiful,
s-so unique,
like a child's laugh.
Unh!
MAN: Hey, that guy looks dead.
Let's take his shoes.
[SNORTS] Huh? Oh, god.
Are you guys gonna
take advantage of me?
If you are, please ignore
the tattoo on my ass.
"Living positive" just
seemed like a cool motto
back in 1983.
Wow. Look at this, Nathan.
He's a troop leader.
oh, no. Not anymore.
I…walked away from all that.
You ran away from your
responsibilities, too?
BOTH: So did we.
We left our jobs
and our families
to live behind the
dumpster at the mall.
Really? Why would
you wanna do that?
Well, I'll tell you, kid.
ª ♪♪ scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie âª
♪♪ it's a doozy of a word ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Have some booze
and lay a turd ♪♪
♪♪ In public view ♪♪
why the hell not?
♪♪ No need to give
a flying fuck ♪♪
♪♪ About what anyone
else might say ♪♪
♪♪ My toilet is a tire,
teens set me on fire ♪♪
♪♪ And you're off the grid,
and the tin foil hat ♪♪
♪♪ Blocks the government from
accessing the chip in your brain ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Every dumpster
is a smorgasbord ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ The mean streets are
your room and board ♪♪
♪♪ The world's your
oyster, that we know ♪♪
♪♪ When you take up the
life of a derelict hobo ♪♪
♪♪ Livin' on the easy streets ♪♪
♪♪ Where the Freemasons
can't detect you ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
♪♪ Scum-a bum-a
grub-a moochie ♪♪
Shh!
The man-eating polar bear
with scorpion tail
has hearing based on sound.
We're all gonna die!
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
Someone shut that
fucking chicken up,
or we're all gonna die!
I said shut that chicken up!
If the fat chick hallucinating
from the salt water
says it's true, then
it must be true!
Whew, it's gone.
That was a close one.
[ALL SIGHING] Close.
[SLOWED DOWN] Close one.
[FARTS]
I'm alive! I'm Ali…
[CRUNCH] Oh, my god!
That wasn't a chicken.
It was Ling-Ling.
Nooo…
hang on.
Then who did I give
my dry-cleaning to?
[CLUCKING]
Noooo!
CLARA: Being evil was the most
wonderful feeling in the world.
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
Oh, god! Not the
handicapped sanctuary!
So nice.
DELIVERY GUY: Be careful.
Caw! I'm deaf.
Caw! I'm deaf.
Caw! I'm deaf!
[THUMP] Aah!
Aah! You just killed
that one-legged man!
Le well, he sure
wasn't handi-capab
of dodging the Satan-mobile!
[THUMP]
Stop this truck right now!
[TIRES SKIDDING]
What's wrong, dark master?
The company has a strict policy
against murder.
Unlike DHL. Their
whole pay scale
is based on confirmed kills.
You can't just murder people!
Lucifer, you have grown soft.
You are not fit to be lord
of the hoary netherworld.
The apprentice has
overtaken the master.
Mmm…
unh! Aah!
Later!
Oh, no! Not thalidomide lake!
[BONES CRUNCHING] [SCREAMING]
I crave pure evil.
And some chocolate.
I think I'm getting my period.
Opp! Yep, there she is.
We can sit here
and argue for hours
about who suffocated Ling-Ling.
But the truth is,
he's dead, and we are hungry.
Captain Hero,
what are you saying?
I'm saying what
we're all thinking.
it's time to cuddle
with the charred corpse
of that dummy.
I'll make you feel
like a real boy.
[IMITATING HANNIBAL
LECTER SUCKING TEETH]
I thought he was gonna say
we should eat Ling-Ling.
What? We can't eat Ling-Ling.
Or can we?
Yeah! Sure! Why not?
What's a mutual fund?
Fine. If we must, we must.
But before we eat Ling-Ling,
let us take a moment to
remember the good times.
I'll always remember
our trip to Paree.
Guys, this trip has really
brought us together.
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
And remember when we all got
fucking wasted on the roof?
Oh, look. A shooting star.
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
Oh, and remember that time
Ling-Ling learned to speak English?
What's wrong with you people?!
?! Why don't you listen to me
Ling-Ling religion
very a-specific!
If body eaten, soul will
burn in purgatory forever!
Forever!
Well, guys, let's dig in.
It's what Ling-Ling
would have wanted.
[SPLASHING] This is the life.
Ahh. Not a care in the world.
Yup. No house, no job,
no doctors.
[RIPPING]
I don't care. Hey, lady.
Spare change?
Whoa. You guys
are in worse shape
than those freaks in that van.
Oh. You saw the people
in that van, huh?
Oh, yeah. They're a mess…
eating each other,
screaming and yelling.
They thought I was some kind
of polar bear scorpion monster.
[SPLASHING] Really?
That's terrible.
Xandir? [DRIP]
Listen to me,
a strange reflection of a lion
in a puddle of piss.
You must return to the van
to save your house mates.
Me? Who am I?
You am be the troop leader.
[TRIBAL YELL]
Now pour yourself a hot cup
of "stop being such a homo"
and get back into that van.
Oh. He's right.
Ernie? Nathan?
You've been really great to me,
but I need to go
back to the van,
for I am the troop leader.
[TRIBAL YELL]
Wow. He's takin'
responsibility for his life.
Maybe we should do the same.
Ma'am?
Could we bother you
for some bus fare?
Oh, certainly.
I think I have some extra.
[ROARING]
[CHOIR VOCALISING]
Aaah!
ª ♪♪ someone's here
to torture you âª
how could you do this?
Do you think hot topic
could support itself
by selling hello
kitty coin purses
and invader zim
steering wheel covers?
What kind of business
model is that?
Ugh… She's all yours.
Unh! Ugh!
[SCREAMING]
Foxxy?
Clara? [GASPS] I saved!
I am not here to save you.
I was left behind when you
were all raptured to heaven.
I sold my soul to the devil
and devoted myself
to committing sins.
Oooww!
Uh, Clara…
If we was raptured up to heaven,
why would I still be here?
Hmm. I don't know, Foxxy.
Maybe this'll
refresh your memory.
Oooww!
Uh, Clara…
I rully wish you
wouldn't do that anymore.
Look, nobody was raptured.
We just all went to the mall.
But you were all gone.
I just assumed the rapture came.
I could see that.
I'm so sorry, Foxxy.
Hey, is everything OK in…
unh! Ow.
Let's get outta here!
Wait! Come back!
Oh, no.
Old man topic is
not gonna like this.
[ORGAN PLAYS NOTE]
[HAPPY WHISTLING]
Hey, anyone want to trade
Ling-Ling in lobster sauce
for mu shu Ling-Ling?
No, thanks. I'm stuffed.
[FARTS]
Me, too. That was so much better
than the Ling-Ling
pizza I had yesterday.
Oh, I could not
eat another bite.
[ALL GROAN HAPPILY]
Damn you, Chinese food.
I'm so hungry again.
[HOWL]
The temperature's dropping fast.
We'll surely freeze to
death before sunrise!
Aah!
There must be some
way to stay warm.
[GROANING]
There is!
[HUMMING]
And I thought I smelled
bad on the outside.
We'll be warm in here.
Hero, like I told you
at that sorority mixer…
There are already 2 of us
inside this fat chick,
and there's no room for you!
All right, fine.
I'll just use my heat vision
to blow up the gas tank.
That'll keep me warm.
[METAL HISSING]
No, Captain Hero, stop!
We can't all keep dying and
then coming back to life
the next episode. It's
totally illogical!
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
[TRIBAL YELL]
My fellow mall-mates.
Your troop leader hath returned!
Oh, my god!
Xandir…
You're the one who
got us into this mess!
Hey, guys, this
is all his fault!
I say we tear his
flesh from his bones
and use it for kindling!
Charge!
[ALL YELLING]
Let's hide in here.
The window! Quick!
[MAN SCREAMING]
We can't leave, Clara.
We got to save them people
who's bein' horribly tortured.
MAN: You mean the viewers?
No.
Them lame cartoons.
CLARA, THINKING: Hmm. Saving
those cartoon characters
could be my chance to get
back in god's good graces
and get into heaven.
Foxxy will probably get in
because of all those ridiculous
affirmative-action laws.
But because I'm white,
I'll have to work for it.
You're right, Foxxy.
Now let's go do
that thing you said
that I can't remember because
I was thinking about my hair.
Kill him! Die, you
son of a bitch!
Ooh, I love your boots.
Seriously, what's a mutual fund?
Wait, stop! Hold up!
Listen, I know when I gave up
I let you all down.
Including myself.
But who here never
gave up on something?
Um, Toot, you clearly
gave up caring
about your physical appearance.
Eh, I guess you're right.
[SQUISHING]
And, Wooldoor,
you gave up your
mentally challenged baby
for adoption.
I sure did.
[RIMSHOT]
And, Spanky, you gave
up on imagination
and made the nothing come.
They look like big,
strong hands, don't they?
And, hero, you gave up $10,000
for a donkey
on let's make a deal.
That donkey paid for itself
in the first 6 months.
But I'm back, and I'm
not givin' up on us.
I'm leading us out of this van
like Moses led the
Jews out of the desert
to the world's
everlasting regret.
We'll never get out of here!
It's hopeless.
That's where you're
wrong, Wooldoor.
There is hope!
As long as we're together,
drawn… you say,
"Drawn Together,"
and I swear to Christ
I'm gonna cave your skull in
with a tire iron
and eat what drips out.
All right, fair enough.
But I have a plan to
get us out of here.
I know it's against gay policy,
but spit it out!
Just look around!
We can use the
scrap from the van
to make some kind of vehicle.
! Yeah! I think he's right
yeah, that'll work!
That can work!
Did anyone like
that greek wedding movie?
I'm trying to figure out if
I should rent it or not.
[WHIPPING, CRIES ECHOING]
[OVER P.A.]
Attention, torturers.
We have a security breach.
We must evacuate hot
topic immediately
before the authorities arrive.
Not going back to jail.
[FOXXY SCREAMS]
What part of "we
need to evacuate"
do you not understand?
Not today, mister!
Huu-aahh!
Aaah!
Nice work, Clara.
Now let's get his…
ok. I think you got him.
I…
Must…
Get…
Into…
Heaven!
Is you done?
Not sure.
How do you know when you're
done killing something?
When yo' man pick
you up at the clinic
and take you
drinkin' at the club.
Now let's save some lives.
Holy crap. We've gotta hurry.
Don't worry, innocent victims.
We are here in the name
of the lord to save you.
Thank you! Thank you so much.
Oh, I'm not doing
this for thanks.
I'm doing this to make up
for the sins I've committed
so I can get into heaven.
Well, that's nice.
But technically,
to get into heaven,
you just have to ask
Jesus to forgive you.
Really? Jesus forgives
everybody who asks.
Oh. Well, that
sounds a lot easier
than sorting through
all these keys.
FOXXY: Ooh. There it go.
Let's get outta here, Foxxy.
Oh, I am so sorry.
Later!
Aw, shucks.
I'm gonna die.
And I've never known
what it's like to love.
What about all the stuff we did
when we went camping, Davey?
That wasn't about
love, Goliath.
It was about power.
XANDIR: And so we put operation
"my idea" into effect.
[MUSIC SIMILAR TO
THE A-TEAM PLAYING]
[BUZZING]
Good work, guys!
We're almost home.
[RUMBLING]
Ow! What the hell?
Aah! It's the van!
We've compromised its
structural integrity.
It's going to collapse!
We have to launch now!
But she's not ready!
if we launch now, she
could break apart!
We could die!
If we stay here,
we're already dead!
So like the time Fernando
and I went to a diner
and ordered a bowl
of soup to split,
but we didn't feel
like crackers,
we got a roll!
[WHEEL SQUEAKING]
You did it, troop leader…
Who's a homo.
No, we did it!
[ALL CHEERING]
Let's get the van
and go to the mall!
Hey, look!
Hey, guys, what's up?
Baby, that's a sweet-ass rim!
Look at us.
We all made it out alive.
And best of all,
no one got hurt.
[BOOM]
[CAR ALARMS BLARING]
The important thing is
that we're all together.
Drawn tog… [WHANG]
[SLURPING]
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
[WHISTLING AND
INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]