Drawn Together (2004–2007): Season 3, Episode 6 - Captain Hero and the Cool Kids - full transcript
Foxxy and Captain Hero agree to pretend-date so Hero can be part of the Cool Kids crowd and return the favor to Foxxy by saving the world from a meteor; meanwhile, Ling-Ling gets mixed up with cockfighting and leads the chickens of Mexico in revolucion!
[Thunder and screaming]
Announcer: last week
ondrawn together...
The housemates
playedthe newlywed game.
I would have to say
up the butt.
[Applause]
Toot and ling-Ling won
an exciting trip to mexico.
[Horn honksla cucaracha]
They stumbled upon
the girl of their dreams.
Looking for
a little fiesta?
Then things went
from bad to mexican.
We killed her!
[Speaking japanese]
Miss macho, looks like
we've got ourselves
Anuno, dos, tres,
with a possiblecuatro.
[Siren bloops]
You two are going
to jail for a long time
Unless you are
willing to pay up.
Oh, here we go again.
How much?
Well, for killing
the most beautiful woman
in all of mexico,
Next to
edward james olmos,
I'd say, uh...
500 billion pesos!
[Thunder]
[Speaking japanese]
I'll give you a week
to come up with the cash.
[Siren bloops]
Whoa, slow down.
We're not in rush.
500 billion pesos!
Jesuããs cristo!
I'll trade you
2 reverse holofoil pikachus
For your black star
ling-Ling.
Ooh! That's
a battle monster
of a good deal.
[All laughing
and snorting]
[Car engine gunning]
Hey, look.
The "cool kids" are back.
We've all been
living together
In this house
for a while now.
And it seems
we've divided
Into 2 very separate
cliques.
[Hip-Hop blaring]
We rule!
We rule!
Wow. Those guys
are cool.
I'm gonna go
hang out with them.
Um, those guys
are assholes.
We're your friends,
capt--
Captain hero?
Hey, dudes, the fast
and the furious, eh?
You guys wanna
see a picture of
my sister's tits?
[Dramatic music sting]
Hey, let's pants the dork.
Oof!
[Chittering]
[Screaming]
Dude, we totally
pantsed him.
[Laughing]
If i can't be cool,
i'm running away
And going somewhere
you'll never find me.
Never! [Sobs]
[Splat]
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
[Slow piano music plays]
To stay out of jail,
Ling-Ling and i
needed pesos.
We were willing to do
anything to get 'em.
♪♪ toot's donkey show ♪♪
Come on! Do me! Do me!
You know you want it!
[British accent]
sorry, my dear,
But even a filthy,
pathetic donkey
has standards.
Fair enough.
♪♪ toot's donkey show ♪♪
Thank you.
[Audience trilling
and hooting]
Hey! Where the hell
are all you mexicans going?!
To the grande
coliseum!
[Cheering]
Aw, my darling queen,
Another beautiful day
for a cockfight, eh?
I love being
the king of mexico.
I'm still the
only queen i know
That has to crap
in the bushes
behind their castle.
[Comedic music plays]
[Clucking]
[Bell dings]
[Cheering]
No! No bedtime!
No sleep!
Eat!
[Boom]
Is there no chicken man enough
to defeat el clucko?
One billion pesos
will get us a lot closer
to paying off that cop.
Are you thinkin'
what i'm thinkin'?
Uh...
Up the butt?
Even better.
Caw caw! Caw caw!
My chicken
challenges el clucko!
[Cheering]
clucko!
[Singing in spanish]
[No music]
[Singing in spanish]
[No music]
[Singing in spanish]
[Music stops]
[Bell dings]
Oh, that ling-Ling is
such a mighty warrior.
¡â¡bravo! ¡â¡bravo!
We won! We won!
Suck my balls, mom!
I'm somebody now.
Ah, this is so boring.
You know,
when hero's not around,
Dungeons & dragons
seems to be a lot less
about hand jobs
And a lot more
about trolls.
[Hip-Hop]
♪♪ the way you ♪♪
♪♪ look at me ♪♪
This is all
their fault. Guh!
Because of you guys,
the best dungeon master
North of the fire swamps
of geldar ran away crying.
Standing up for your
dorky friend, huh?
I think this calls
for a little...
Tickle torture.
[Hip-Hop]
♪♪ nah nah nah ♪♪
♪♪ don't kill me ♪♪
♪♪ when i'm with you,
don't-- ♪♪
Foxxy, why aren't
you tickling xandir?
This ain't cool.
This is just as uncool
as the rodney king ticklin'.
And lastly tonight,
reports of a 5,000-Ton
meteor hurtling toward earth
Turned out to be
completely true.
Oh, lordy!
Captain hero,
where are you?!
I need to go find
that asshole captain hero.
[Dramatic music plays]
Foxxy: ♪♪ baby? ♪♪
This must be
where hero growed up.
[Sobbing]
Captain hero, i been looking
all over for you.
Whenever i'm sad,
i come back here
To the kindly
farming couple
Who have raised me
since i was a baby.
We've never se
en this man before
in our lives.
I think he broke my arm.
[Dramatic music sting]
Damn it, hero,
There's a meteor
headin' for earth.
What's the point
of saving the earth
If i can't be
one of the cool kids?
I just want to stay here
with mom and pop.
He made me
wear lipstick.
[Bats eyes]
I have an idea.
What if i pretend
you my boyfriend,
And then you will be
one of the cool kids?
You would do that
for me?
Just until you popular.
But then you got
to stop the meteor.
Deal!
Aah!
Ethel, you gotta get me
to the hospital.
Hospital. Right.
You didn't have to
do that for me.
I didn't do it for you
. I did it for us.
[Dramatic musical score playing]
[Singing in spanish]
[Bawk]
Hi-Yah!
There is something
special about
this ling-Ling.
He thinks
outside the bun.
[Rimshot]
Toot: our plan
was working great.
We were making more money
than a televangelist
In a region full
of impressionable retards.
For more information
about this joke,
Please visit the south.
[Singing in spanish]
[Latin pop playing]
Our next guest has brought
new excitement
To our national pastime
of cockfighting.
This cock is
a natural pecker, huh?
[Audience laughs]
right, kevin?
Right, kevin?
Oh, i dream about
killing you.
Please welcome
el pollo insano,
ling-Ling.
[Cheering, trilling,
and guns firing]
Great to have you
on the show.
You know, i think
we have a clip from
your last cockfight.
[Ling-Ling yelling]
[Bawk]
[Applause]
Now, ling-Ling,
what do you say
to your critics
Who claim that
cockfighting is a cruel
and inhumane sport, hmm?
R,
well, yeah, for you,
because you're a kille
But the chickens
you battle
Are skittish,
unbelievably
stupid animals
Who don't even
want to fight.
Boy, am i talking
about chickens
or the french?
[Laughter]
right, kevin?
And i pretend
homeless people
are you,
And i burn 'em.
[Laughter]
[Dolphin chitters]
♪♪ the way you look at me ♪♪
Gosh, i don't know
about this, foxxy.
The cool kids are never
going to let me play
meth lab with them.
Of course they will.
You just got
to look cool.
Here. Try some
of this mousse.
Ooh, wow.
You clean up good.
Real good,
hero calrissian.
[Ballad plays]
Who's the
cool-Looking guy?
Wait. Isn't he
that dork,
captain hero?
Haven't you heard?
Captain hero is
my new boyfriend.
[Dramatic music sting]
Well, you know,
if foxxy thinks he's cool,
He must be cool,
seeing as how foxxy's
all black and stuff.
Hey, hero, you wanna
pour the ammonia in?
Do i?! And how!
[Goofy laugh]
Wow.
That is so cool.
I haven't slept
in 46 days.
[Hip-Hop] ♪♪ why don't
you come and let me see ♪♪
[Suspenseful music]
[Cheering]
Are you excited to behold
another glorious cockfight,
mi amor?
I growmuybored with
all this refined culture
and exquisite luxury.
[Gags]
[Gags]
[Rat gags]
You win this fight,
ling-Ling,
And we'll have
enough moolah
To pay off the cops
And get back to the land
of indoor toilets.
[Mexican folk music playing]
[Cowering]
Hu-Ahh!
Chickens are
a peaceful race.
Race, race, race.
[Crowd goading, cheering]
[Sighs]
[Crowd gasps]
How dare you disgrace
our national pastime?
Royal elite guards, take
them to the dungeon! Now!
[Dog yipping]
Ohh, this country sucks.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Now the captain
files electronically.
Wow.
That is so cool.
You're so much cooler
than lobot.
[Narrating]
after hanging out with hero
For a few days,
i gots to wondering,
Was i pretendin' to be
hero's girlfriend
to save the earth,
Or was i pretendin'
to save the earth
To be hero's girlfriend?
Hey, hero calrissian,
Why don't
we takes a ride over
to inspiration point?
[Ballad plays]
I got a better idea.
E!
Let's throw
pig feces at
the gay kid's hous
That is a hilarious prank,
Because gays don't want
to get anywhere near doody.
Let's go!
[Dramatic music sting]
[Slow piano music plays]
♪♪ the way you ♪♪
♪♪ look at me ♪♪
Ha ha ha!
You suck!
Eat shit, dork!
Ha ha!
Hero:
you've got poo
on your house!
Dude, that was awesome.
Now let's go home
before the cops come.
[Laughing]
Huh?
[Slow piano music plays]
Gaah!
[Laughing]
♪♪ the way you ♪♪
♪♪ look at me ♪♪
♪♪ what you got? ♪♪
[Suspenseful
music plays]
You idiot.
Because you
wouldn't kill
some stupid chicken,
We're going to die.
[Deep voice]
come with me.
Aah!
Aah!
[Normal]
don't be frightened.
I'm here to help you.
I just made
my voice like that
[Deep] because i thought
it went better
with the cloak.
[Normal]
now go. Save yourself.
Because
[Deep] you've
captured my heart.
[Dramatic musical score playing]
[Normal] if the king
catches you,
he will kill you.
You must leave
swiftly and
gracefully,
Like the national
bird of mexico,
The donkey.
Hey,
what about me?
Don't worry.
[Yells, gurgles]
[Mariachi music playing]
I thought we were gonna be
caged up until we died,
Like those stupid chickens.
Oww, kittens.
Screw that. I'm gonna watch
my own back from now own.
If only i could
watch my own feet.
[Dramatic music sting]
[Inspirational music playing]
...zebras...
...go.
[Inspirational music stops]
Later, asshole.
Meep meep.
[Gasping]
Jesus, how long's
this thing been dead?
[Suspenseful music plays]
Hey, hero, i heard what
you did to xandir's house.
That was some
pretty sweet turd tossing.
Oh, really?
I know you're foxxy's girl,
But if things change,
give me a call.
And if things don't
work out with clara,
You still got my digits.
Uh, wow. Ok.
We better take off.
Yeah, some assholes
threw shit on our house,
And we gotta
go clean it up.
Hey, papa,
i gots us tickets
To go see bell biv devoe
tomorrow night.
Listen, foxxy,
the deal was that we'd
stay together
Until i was popular,
and i'm pretty
damn popular now.
Well, you not that popular.
Oh, yeah? Smell this.
[Sniffs]
[Gasps] spanky?!
Foxxy, i am
dumping your ass!
[Gasps]
Captain hero just
dumped that girl.
He dumped her.
I would be
devastated.
Hey, ladies,
what does captain hero
have in common
With lance armstrong's
left testicle?
We are both single.
And we're
sensitive to cold.
[Gasps]
[Suspenseful music plays]
[Hee-Haw]
Ooh! And then i ducked!
And whaah chaah!
With the deadly
feather punch, i killed
the mighty ling-Ling!
Wow! I wish
i could've been there.
When did we start talking?
Ling-Ling:ping chowah!
[Dramatic sting plays]
Raah!
It's ling-Ling!
He's back
from the dead!
[Clucking]
What?
Barry the chicken
Lied about
killing ling-Ling?
And i b-B-Bet he didn't
fuck shakira either.
Kill the liar!
[Clucking]
Ping chowah!
...leaf blower.
But we're chickens.
We don't fight.
All right,
ling-Ling stood up
to the king for us
And spared my life.
Now it is our turn to
stand up for ourselves.
Barry the chicken'
s right.
If you cut off
our beaks,
do we not bleed?
If you chop off
our heads, do we
not run around
For, like,
30 seconds
or a minute?
...coliseum grande.
[Yelling]
♪♪ honey... ♪♪
Foxxy: so i was all alone
at the dance, and even worse,
The meteor was about
to smash into the earth,
And if the moviedeep impact
was any indication of
what would happen next,
The whole planet was about
to become boring
and unwatchable.
Captain hero,
you gots to stop
that meteor.
Can't you see i'm
already one knuckle deep
into fifth base?
Uhh! Mmm.
Ooh.
Shoo. Gaah!
[Laughter]
♪♪ loser ♪♪
That's it.
Hold up, everybody.
Now, i know y'all
think captain hero
is real cool.
Oh, yeah. Cool.
Yeah. He's the coolest eve
r.
But he ain't.
No. No, he's not cool.
I don't know what
i was thinking.
I fooled y'all into
thinking hero was cool
By pretending to be
his girlfriend.
So he would stop
that meteor.
[Gasps]
gasp.
Wait. I can explain.
Oh, really?
Then explain this, yo.
Spanky, clara,
Steve from long island.
Oh, hey, man,
you were right.
The, uh, cool kids
are assholes.
You shit
on my house, man.
I know, i know.
You shit
on my house.
Yeah.
You said that already.
[Slow piano music plays]
And to think
i let him get
to seventh base with me.
[Inhales]
Ahh.
[Hee-Haw]
[Stampede running]
What the...
...deliverer.
You don't scare me.
I have taken dumps
with sharper beaks
than you.
Hi-Yah!
Pi-Chah!
You will never defeat me
as long as i have
my magic potion.
[Chicken clucks]
ai, dios miãão.
He's gonna
drink the worm.
You don't know what happens
when you drink the worm?
[Laughing]
He doesn't kno
w what happens.
Oh, you're gonna love this.
By the power of mencia!
[Roaring]
I don't have to
wear pants anymore.
[Hee-Haw]
[Roars]
Oh!
[Clucking]
[Zap zap]
He's all yours, kid.
Yee-Ha! Whoo-Hoo!
Hey, is that speedy?
Now is our time,
my chicken brethren.
Attack!
Oh! Remember me
as i was,
Drunk and lazy. Ohh!
[Hee-Haw]
[Gunshot]
[Birds cawing]
Captain hero:
i was an even bigger loser
Than a christian scientist
in a sensible religion contest.
Even xandir was giving me
the cold shoulder.
Spanky: hey, xandir,
Why don't you
come over here
And hang out with
us cool kids?
Me? Really?
Oh, my god.
They're going
to give xandir
a wedgie.
[Chanting] wedgie,
wedgie, wedgie.
Hold it right there.
There'll be no more
wedgies under my watch.
Don't you guys
remember we all used
to hang out together?
We're all just dorks.
I mean, clara,
you like science, right?
Well,
if you consider
Biochemistry
a science. [Snorts]
And, steve from long island,
You have one too many arms
that we haven't noticed
until now, no?
Yeah.
Check it.
And, spanky, you're voiced
by adam carolla.
Yeah, i guess i am.
Well, as long as the jig is up,
can i talk in my normal voice?
[Slightly less gravelly]
so the--My thing is, uh...
Uh, my--I just sort of
acknowledge it?
Uh, i'll give you
a few alternative,
uh, ones or whatever.
Look, what i'm
trying to say is
It's ok to be a dork,
But it's not ok to forget
your real friends
Or the black chick
that you could bang
for a happy meal.
[Slow clap]
[Joins in]
[Car alarm]
[Alarm chirps off]
[Gasping]
Announcer: last week
ondrawn together...
The housemates
playedthe newlywed game.
I would have to say
up the butt.
[Applause]
Toot and ling-Ling won
an exciting trip to mexico.
[Horn honksla cucaracha]
They stumbled upon
the girl of their dreams.
Looking for
a little fiesta?
Then things went
from bad to mexican.
We killed her!
[Speaking japanese]
Miss macho, looks like
we've got ourselves
Anuno, dos, tres,
with a possiblecuatro.
[Siren bloops]
You two are going
to jail for a long time
Unless you are
willing to pay up.
Oh, here we go again.
How much?
Well, for killing
the most beautiful woman
in all of mexico,
Next to
edward james olmos,
I'd say, uh...
500 billion pesos!
[Thunder]
[Speaking japanese]
I'll give you a week
to come up with the cash.
[Siren bloops]
Whoa, slow down.
We're not in rush.
500 billion pesos!
Jesuããs cristo!
I'll trade you
2 reverse holofoil pikachus
For your black star
ling-Ling.
Ooh! That's
a battle monster
of a good deal.
[All laughing
and snorting]
[Car engine gunning]
Hey, look.
The "cool kids" are back.
We've all been
living together
In this house
for a while now.
And it seems
we've divided
Into 2 very separate
cliques.
[Hip-Hop blaring]
We rule!
We rule!
Wow. Those guys
are cool.
I'm gonna go
hang out with them.
Um, those guys
are assholes.
We're your friends,
capt--
Captain hero?
Hey, dudes, the fast
and the furious, eh?
You guys wanna
see a picture of
my sister's tits?
[Dramatic music sting]
Hey, let's pants the dork.
Oof!
[Chittering]
[Screaming]
Dude, we totally
pantsed him.
[Laughing]
If i can't be cool,
i'm running away
And going somewhere
you'll never find me.
Never! [Sobs]
[Splat]
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
[Slow piano music plays]
To stay out of jail,
Ling-Ling and i
needed pesos.
We were willing to do
anything to get 'em.
♪♪ toot's donkey show ♪♪
Come on! Do me! Do me!
You know you want it!
[British accent]
sorry, my dear,
But even a filthy,
pathetic donkey
has standards.
Fair enough.
♪♪ toot's donkey show ♪♪
Thank you.
[Audience trilling
and hooting]
Hey! Where the hell
are all you mexicans going?!
To the grande
coliseum!
[Cheering]
Aw, my darling queen,
Another beautiful day
for a cockfight, eh?
I love being
the king of mexico.
I'm still the
only queen i know
That has to crap
in the bushes
behind their castle.
[Comedic music plays]
[Clucking]
[Bell dings]
[Cheering]
No! No bedtime!
No sleep!
Eat!
[Boom]
Is there no chicken man enough
to defeat el clucko?
One billion pesos
will get us a lot closer
to paying off that cop.
Are you thinkin'
what i'm thinkin'?
Uh...
Up the butt?
Even better.
Caw caw! Caw caw!
My chicken
challenges el clucko!
[Cheering]
clucko!
[Singing in spanish]
[No music]
[Singing in spanish]
[No music]
[Singing in spanish]
[Music stops]
[Bell dings]
Oh, that ling-Ling is
such a mighty warrior.
¡â¡bravo! ¡â¡bravo!
We won! We won!
Suck my balls, mom!
I'm somebody now.
Ah, this is so boring.
You know,
when hero's not around,
Dungeons & dragons
seems to be a lot less
about hand jobs
And a lot more
about trolls.
[Hip-Hop]
♪♪ the way you ♪♪
♪♪ look at me ♪♪
This is all
their fault. Guh!
Because of you guys,
the best dungeon master
North of the fire swamps
of geldar ran away crying.
Standing up for your
dorky friend, huh?
I think this calls
for a little...
Tickle torture.
[Hip-Hop]
♪♪ nah nah nah ♪♪
♪♪ don't kill me ♪♪
♪♪ when i'm with you,
don't-- ♪♪
Foxxy, why aren't
you tickling xandir?
This ain't cool.
This is just as uncool
as the rodney king ticklin'.
And lastly tonight,
reports of a 5,000-Ton
meteor hurtling toward earth
Turned out to be
completely true.
Oh, lordy!
Captain hero,
where are you?!
I need to go find
that asshole captain hero.
[Dramatic music plays]
Foxxy: ♪♪ baby? ♪♪
This must be
where hero growed up.
[Sobbing]
Captain hero, i been looking
all over for you.
Whenever i'm sad,
i come back here
To the kindly
farming couple
Who have raised me
since i was a baby.
We've never se
en this man before
in our lives.
I think he broke my arm.
[Dramatic music sting]
Damn it, hero,
There's a meteor
headin' for earth.
What's the point
of saving the earth
If i can't be
one of the cool kids?
I just want to stay here
with mom and pop.
He made me
wear lipstick.
[Bats eyes]
I have an idea.
What if i pretend
you my boyfriend,
And then you will be
one of the cool kids?
You would do that
for me?
Just until you popular.
But then you got
to stop the meteor.
Deal!
Aah!
Ethel, you gotta get me
to the hospital.
Hospital. Right.
You didn't have to
do that for me.
I didn't do it for you
. I did it for us.
[Dramatic musical score playing]
[Singing in spanish]
[Bawk]
Hi-Yah!
There is something
special about
this ling-Ling.
He thinks
outside the bun.
[Rimshot]
Toot: our plan
was working great.
We were making more money
than a televangelist
In a region full
of impressionable retards.
For more information
about this joke,
Please visit the south.
[Singing in spanish]
[Latin pop playing]
Our next guest has brought
new excitement
To our national pastime
of cockfighting.
This cock is
a natural pecker, huh?
[Audience laughs]
right, kevin?
Right, kevin?
Oh, i dream about
killing you.
Please welcome
el pollo insano,
ling-Ling.
[Cheering, trilling,
and guns firing]
Great to have you
on the show.
You know, i think
we have a clip from
your last cockfight.
[Ling-Ling yelling]
[Bawk]
[Applause]
Now, ling-Ling,
what do you say
to your critics
Who claim that
cockfighting is a cruel
and inhumane sport, hmm?
R,
well, yeah, for you,
because you're a kille
But the chickens
you battle
Are skittish,
unbelievably
stupid animals
Who don't even
want to fight.
Boy, am i talking
about chickens
or the french?
[Laughter]
right, kevin?
And i pretend
homeless people
are you,
And i burn 'em.
[Laughter]
[Dolphin chitters]
♪♪ the way you look at me ♪♪
Gosh, i don't know
about this, foxxy.
The cool kids are never
going to let me play
meth lab with them.
Of course they will.
You just got
to look cool.
Here. Try some
of this mousse.
Ooh, wow.
You clean up good.
Real good,
hero calrissian.
[Ballad plays]
Who's the
cool-Looking guy?
Wait. Isn't he
that dork,
captain hero?
Haven't you heard?
Captain hero is
my new boyfriend.
[Dramatic music sting]
Well, you know,
if foxxy thinks he's cool,
He must be cool,
seeing as how foxxy's
all black and stuff.
Hey, hero, you wanna
pour the ammonia in?
Do i?! And how!
[Goofy laugh]
Wow.
That is so cool.
I haven't slept
in 46 days.
[Hip-Hop] ♪♪ why don't
you come and let me see ♪♪
[Suspenseful music]
[Cheering]
Are you excited to behold
another glorious cockfight,
mi amor?
I growmuybored with
all this refined culture
and exquisite luxury.
[Gags]
[Gags]
[Rat gags]
You win this fight,
ling-Ling,
And we'll have
enough moolah
To pay off the cops
And get back to the land
of indoor toilets.
[Mexican folk music playing]
[Cowering]
Hu-Ahh!
Chickens are
a peaceful race.
Race, race, race.
[Crowd goading, cheering]
[Sighs]
[Crowd gasps]
How dare you disgrace
our national pastime?
Royal elite guards, take
them to the dungeon! Now!
[Dog yipping]
Ohh, this country sucks.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Now the captain
files electronically.
Wow.
That is so cool.
You're so much cooler
than lobot.
[Narrating]
after hanging out with hero
For a few days,
i gots to wondering,
Was i pretendin' to be
hero's girlfriend
to save the earth,
Or was i pretendin'
to save the earth
To be hero's girlfriend?
Hey, hero calrissian,
Why don't
we takes a ride over
to inspiration point?
[Ballad plays]
I got a better idea.
E!
Let's throw
pig feces at
the gay kid's hous
That is a hilarious prank,
Because gays don't want
to get anywhere near doody.
Let's go!
[Dramatic music sting]
[Slow piano music plays]
♪♪ the way you ♪♪
♪♪ look at me ♪♪
Ha ha ha!
You suck!
Eat shit, dork!
Ha ha!
Hero:
you've got poo
on your house!
Dude, that was awesome.
Now let's go home
before the cops come.
[Laughing]
Huh?
[Slow piano music plays]
Gaah!
[Laughing]
♪♪ the way you ♪♪
♪♪ look at me ♪♪
♪♪ what you got? ♪♪
[Suspenseful
music plays]
You idiot.
Because you
wouldn't kill
some stupid chicken,
We're going to die.
[Deep voice]
come with me.
Aah!
Aah!
[Normal]
don't be frightened.
I'm here to help you.
I just made
my voice like that
[Deep] because i thought
it went better
with the cloak.
[Normal]
now go. Save yourself.
Because
[Deep] you've
captured my heart.
[Dramatic musical score playing]
[Normal] if the king
catches you,
he will kill you.
You must leave
swiftly and
gracefully,
Like the national
bird of mexico,
The donkey.
Hey,
what about me?
Don't worry.
[Yells, gurgles]
[Mariachi music playing]
I thought we were gonna be
caged up until we died,
Like those stupid chickens.
Oww, kittens.
Screw that. I'm gonna watch
my own back from now own.
If only i could
watch my own feet.
[Dramatic music sting]
[Inspirational music playing]
...zebras...
...go.
[Inspirational music stops]
Later, asshole.
Meep meep.
[Gasping]
Jesus, how long's
this thing been dead?
[Suspenseful music plays]
Hey, hero, i heard what
you did to xandir's house.
That was some
pretty sweet turd tossing.
Oh, really?
I know you're foxxy's girl,
But if things change,
give me a call.
And if things don't
work out with clara,
You still got my digits.
Uh, wow. Ok.
We better take off.
Yeah, some assholes
threw shit on our house,
And we gotta
go clean it up.
Hey, papa,
i gots us tickets
To go see bell biv devoe
tomorrow night.
Listen, foxxy,
the deal was that we'd
stay together
Until i was popular,
and i'm pretty
damn popular now.
Well, you not that popular.
Oh, yeah? Smell this.
[Sniffs]
[Gasps] spanky?!
Foxxy, i am
dumping your ass!
[Gasps]
Captain hero just
dumped that girl.
He dumped her.
I would be
devastated.
Hey, ladies,
what does captain hero
have in common
With lance armstrong's
left testicle?
We are both single.
And we're
sensitive to cold.
[Gasps]
[Suspenseful music plays]
[Hee-Haw]
Ooh! And then i ducked!
And whaah chaah!
With the deadly
feather punch, i killed
the mighty ling-Ling!
Wow! I wish
i could've been there.
When did we start talking?
Ling-Ling:ping chowah!
[Dramatic sting plays]
Raah!
It's ling-Ling!
He's back
from the dead!
[Clucking]
What?
Barry the chicken
Lied about
killing ling-Ling?
And i b-B-Bet he didn't
fuck shakira either.
Kill the liar!
[Clucking]
Ping chowah!
...leaf blower.
But we're chickens.
We don't fight.
All right,
ling-Ling stood up
to the king for us
And spared my life.
Now it is our turn to
stand up for ourselves.
Barry the chicken'
s right.
If you cut off
our beaks,
do we not bleed?
If you chop off
our heads, do we
not run around
For, like,
30 seconds
or a minute?
...coliseum grande.
[Yelling]
♪♪ honey... ♪♪
Foxxy: so i was all alone
at the dance, and even worse,
The meteor was about
to smash into the earth,
And if the moviedeep impact
was any indication of
what would happen next,
The whole planet was about
to become boring
and unwatchable.
Captain hero,
you gots to stop
that meteor.
Can't you see i'm
already one knuckle deep
into fifth base?
Uhh! Mmm.
Ooh.
Shoo. Gaah!
[Laughter]
♪♪ loser ♪♪
That's it.
Hold up, everybody.
Now, i know y'all
think captain hero
is real cool.
Oh, yeah. Cool.
Yeah. He's the coolest eve
r.
But he ain't.
No. No, he's not cool.
I don't know what
i was thinking.
I fooled y'all into
thinking hero was cool
By pretending to be
his girlfriend.
So he would stop
that meteor.
[Gasps]
gasp.
Wait. I can explain.
Oh, really?
Then explain this, yo.
Spanky, clara,
Steve from long island.
Oh, hey, man,
you were right.
The, uh, cool kids
are assholes.
You shit
on my house, man.
I know, i know.
You shit
on my house.
Yeah.
You said that already.
[Slow piano music plays]
And to think
i let him get
to seventh base with me.
[Inhales]
Ahh.
[Hee-Haw]
[Stampede running]
What the...
...deliverer.
You don't scare me.
I have taken dumps
with sharper beaks
than you.
Hi-Yah!
Pi-Chah!
You will never defeat me
as long as i have
my magic potion.
[Chicken clucks]
ai, dios miãão.
He's gonna
drink the worm.
You don't know what happens
when you drink the worm?
[Laughing]
He doesn't kno
w what happens.
Oh, you're gonna love this.
By the power of mencia!
[Roaring]
I don't have to
wear pants anymore.
[Hee-Haw]
[Roars]
Oh!
[Clucking]
[Zap zap]
He's all yours, kid.
Yee-Ha! Whoo-Hoo!
Hey, is that speedy?
Now is our time,
my chicken brethren.
Attack!
Oh! Remember me
as i was,
Drunk and lazy. Ohh!
[Hee-Haw]
[Gunshot]
[Birds cawing]
Captain hero:
i was an even bigger loser
Than a christian scientist
in a sensible religion contest.
Even xandir was giving me
the cold shoulder.
Spanky: hey, xandir,
Why don't you
come over here
And hang out with
us cool kids?
Me? Really?
Oh, my god.
They're going
to give xandir
a wedgie.
[Chanting] wedgie,
wedgie, wedgie.
Hold it right there.
There'll be no more
wedgies under my watch.
Don't you guys
remember we all used
to hang out together?
We're all just dorks.
I mean, clara,
you like science, right?
Well,
if you consider
Biochemistry
a science. [Snorts]
And, steve from long island,
You have one too many arms
that we haven't noticed
until now, no?
Yeah.
Check it.
And, spanky, you're voiced
by adam carolla.
Yeah, i guess i am.
Well, as long as the jig is up,
can i talk in my normal voice?
[Slightly less gravelly]
so the--My thing is, uh...
Uh, my--I just sort of
acknowledge it?
Uh, i'll give you
a few alternative,
uh, ones or whatever.
Look, what i'm
trying to say is
It's ok to be a dork,
But it's not ok to forget
your real friends
Or the black chick
that you could bang
for a happy meal.
[Slow clap]
[Joins in]
[Car alarm]
[Alarm chirps off]
[Gasping]