Drawn Together (2004–2007): Season 3, Episode 14 - American Idol Parody Clip Show - full transcript
Is it American Idol? Is it Survivor? No, it's both, as the house mates battle it out through the gift of song to determine who stays and who gets evicted.
ANNOUNCER: Tonight,
toss your meds
and shoot your shrink,
because your pitiful life
will finally be given meaning
as you decide
which of these 8 ass bags
will be banished from
the Drawn Together house
forever!
One house mate will disappear
like a Mexican woman's
figure after marriage.
Tonight…
On the season finale
of Drawn Together,
the musical elimination special,
Part 2: The musical elimination.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
this happens now!
Uhh. Uhh.
♪♪ One house ♪♪
♪♪ To hold us all ♪♪
♪♪ 8 different
cartoon characters ♪♪
♪♪ Lettin' it all hang out ♪♪
♪♪ Before the one
million cameras ♪♪
♪♪ We're Drawn Together ♪♪
♪♪ Yeah! ♪♪
[CLARA HOLDS NOTE]
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
the Jew producer!
Thank you. Thank you.
Now, you, the viewers, voted
for your favourite
musical house mate,
and tonight, we will reveal
which one of you ass holes
is going home.
So, Captain Hero…
it's pronounced Capitan.
The "hero" is silent.
OK. Well, before you
perform your song tonight,
let's all relive
this creepy Captain Hero moment.
CAPTAIN HERO, NARRATING: At last,
it was the night of my big date
with Clara, and I
wanted everything
to go perfectly. [WHAP]
Oh! Oh, shoot.
Ahh! A thousand pardons.
Allow me, milady.
Get off me!
It was as if
everything on the date
that could have gone wrong did.
Oh, I have the worst luck.
Captain Hero, take me home.
What? You're not having fun?
You're making out
with our waiter.
Shh! Don't be mean to him,
or he'll spit in our food.
Ohh!
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
Captain Leslie Hero!
[MUSIC BEGINS]
♪♪ Daisy ♪♪
♪♪ Daisy ♪♪
♪♪ Give me your answer, do ♪♪
♪♪ I'm half crazy ♪♪
♪♪ All for the love of you ♪♪
♪♪ But you're gonna
look so sweet ♪♪
♪♪ Upon the seat ♪♪
♪♪ Of a, a bicycle built for ♪♪
♪♪ Two-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-
woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo ♪♪
[APPLAUSE]
Captain Hero, the votes are in.
And you are…
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
Safe!
Ahh! Oh, my god.
Thank you, America.
I love you…
So why shouldn't we
have a fuckin' baby?
Toot, you suck,
and yet you keep returning.
How do you explain
this phenomenon?
Well, how do you explain
your fugly face?!
I was burned in a
horrible accident.
It's pretty sad, actually.
[SENTIMENTAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
Now, while Toot gets ready
to sing her clogged heart out,
let's take a look at some
of our favourite moments
with Toot Braunstein.
Come on. Do me. Do me.
You know you want it.
Sorry, my dear,
but even a filthy,
pathetic donkey
has standards.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
Toot Braunstein.
♪♪ For a moment like this ♪♪
♪♪ Some people
wait a lifetime ♪♪
♪♪ For a moment like this ♪♪
♪♪ Some people search forever ♪♪
♪♪ For that one special kiss ♪♪
♪♪ Oh, I can't believe ♪♪
♪♪ It's happening to me ♪♪
[AUDIENCE BOOING]
♪♪ Some people
wait a lifetime ♪♪
♪♪For a moment ♪♪
You suck!
♪♪ Like this ♪♪
Well, Toot,
the audience has spoken,
and you are…
[HUMS SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Safe!
You're goddamn right I'm safe,
you fucking ass bags!
ANNOUNCER: When we return,
we'll find out which one
of our 6 remaining
contestant's dreams
will be totally ruined
like your mom's reputation
after I bone her face.
[APPLAUSE]
Everyone, welcome.
In accordance with
captain girl's wishes,
we are burying her as a Mormon.
Not because she was one,
but because she hated Mormons,
and it would make her
happy for us to bury one.
You may begin, reverend.
If you'll all turn in your books
to page 134…
ahem.
Ooga-booga! Great space god!
Magic lizard, come
down from Jupiter!
[SOBBING]
PRODUCER: Before we continue
on with the results,
let's take a moment to remember
some of our family
who we've lost
over this past season.
[AVE MARIA BEGINS]
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE QUIETS]
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
[ONE PERSON CLAPS]
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
♪♪ Ave maria… ♪♪
[ONE PERSON CLAPS LATE, STOPS]
[APPLAUSE]
♪♪ Ave maria… ♪♪
[2 PEOPLE CLAP]
[NO APPLAUSE]
♪♪ Ahh… ♪♪
[APPLAUSE]
[CROWD MUTTERING IN SHOCK]
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE AND GASPING]
[APPLAUSE AND GASPING]
[APPLAUSE]
[GOAT BLEATS]
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE AND GASPING]
AUDIENCE: Ohh!
I love references
to dead celebrities
nobody cares about anymore.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
[COUGHS] Aahh!
May they all rot in hell.
ALL: Amen!
♪♪ Baby ♪♪
Wooldoor, why don't
you tell the audience
what you plan on
singing tonight?
I'm totally gonna rock
some black chick's tongue.
Well, go get ready,
and as you do,
let's watch Wooldoor's journey
into the final 8.
Wooldoor, I'd like
you to meet the cap'n.
So, frank says you've
got a great big cock.
Really? May I see it?
OK. [ZIPS]
[THUD]
Thank you, Wooldoor.
ANNOUNCER: Here he
is, Wooldoor Sockbat.
♪♪ What is this
thing in my mouth? ♪♪
♪♪ It's slippery,
and it's slimy ♪♪
♪♪ Travelling down
my slender virgin ♪♪
♪♪ Pink oesophagus ♪♪
♪♪ Some black chick's tongue! ♪♪
♪♪ It's such a new sensation! ♪♪
♪♪ I got a mayonnaise
mama on my lickin' hole ♪♪
♪♪ And I've only just begun! ♪♪
Well, Wooldoor,
the audience has voted.
And you are…
Not safe!
Aww.
AUDIENCE: Aww.
[SENTIMENTAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
[SNARLING]
Ling-Ling,
you're a pretty popular fella.
Yes. Yes, I am.
Well, I hope you're
ready to sing
your little yellow heart out,
but before you do,
let's take a look
at why you're so
goddamn popular.
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
I'll leave you 2
love-birds alone.
I…what?
W-what?
Take off shirt!
[SOBBING]
[SNIFFS]
Ahh…
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
ANNOUNCER: And now, Ling-Ling!
[SINGING IN JAPANESE]
♪♪ Kill kill kill kill ♪♪
♪♪ Die die die ♪♪
♪♪ Kill kill kill kill ♪♪
♪♪ Die die die ♪♪
♪♪ Kill kill kill kill ♪♪
♪♪ Die die die ♪♪
[SCATTING]
Nicely done.
Now let's see if the audience
has hung you out
to dry…Cleaners.
Ling-Ling, you are…
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
Going to find out if
you're safe or not
after this commercial break.
AUDIENCE: Aww.
Eh, fine. You're safe.
Enjoy the commercials
without anything to look
forward to, ass holes.
Hmm. "Popular comedy
central toon cancelled."
No. Uh, ooh.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
What, are we still doing this?
[GLASS BREAKS, CAT YOWLS]
Xandir. Your journey
with the show
has been one of the
most controversial
in recent years,
most notably, the rumours
of your illicit affair with moi.
Ew! Ecch, I wouldn't have sex
with a Jewish guy
if you paid me.
Which, of course, you wouldn't.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
So you're denying that anything
ever happened between us?
But I loved you!
[SOBS, COCKS GUN]
[GUNSHOT]
[THUD]
JEW PRODUCER: Oh, my god.
A stage-hand got shot!
What have I done?
I can't live with myself.
[GUNSHOT]
[THUD]
Oh, god! Another
stage-hand got shot.
Why is the world so cruel?
[GUNSHOT]
[THUD]
Ohh! [GURGLING]
[GUNSHOT, SPLAT]
[THUD]
ANNOUNCER: The part
of the Jew producer
will now be played
by Ryan Seacrest…
it's former American idolco-host,
Bryan Dunkleman.
Yeah! Bryan Dunkleman
is in the house.
That's right, the dunkey's back,
and he's missed you, too, y'all!
Now let's look at some clips
of Xangir! Yeah, Xangir!
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
I'll leave you 2
love-birds alone.
I…what?
W-what?
Take off shirt!
[SOBS]
[SNIFFS]
Ahh…
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
♪♪ Get ready to fire the load ♪♪
Come on!
♪♪ Salty seamen ♪♪
♪♪ In a submarine ♪♪
♪♪ Ready to fire the load ♪♪
♪♪ Heads up on the poop deck ♪♪
♪♪ We got incoming male ♪♪
♪♪ Get ready to fire the load ♪♪
♪♪ Gonna fire the load ♪♪
♪♪ Fire the load ♪♪
Whoo, that was hot!
Well, Xandir, the votes are in.
And you are…
Not safe.
Ohh… [LAUGHTER]
DUNKLEMAN, THINKING:
This isn't so hard.
Goddamn Ryan Seacrest.
What kind of a name
is that anyway?
Now, dunkleman, that's a name
that means something.
Wait…oh, what am I doing?
I'm frozen.
Everyone's looking at me.
Heh. This is harder
than I thought.
Seacrest, he makes
it look so easy.
[GROANS] I deserve to get fired.
What kind of a name
is dunkleman anyway?
Now, Ryan Seacrest,
that's a name.
[CLEARS THROAT]
All right. I guess Spanky Ham
will have to take care of this.
Uh, let's watch some
clips of the hamster.
I don't mean a hamster.
You know what I mean.
Nailed it!
[PLAYING BONGOS]
Do you like how I
sing my love song?
Do you like Vincent van Gogh?
I like to walk the
streets at midnight.
I want you to know.
Nailed it.
Aw, look at me.
I'm a fuckin' mess.
Ryan Seacrest was right.
I'm not a dunkleman.
I'm a dunkleboy.
So am I safe?
Are any of us?
ANNOUNCER: When we
return, we'll learn
who won't be coming
back next season.
But first, let's
take a brief look
at some of the best clips
from last year's clip show.
Captain Hero, dame rumour has it
your relationship with Xandir
has continued since
the show ended.
Oh, you've got it
all wrong, Habibi.
Xandir had an affair
with Tim Tommerson,
not me.
[LAUGHING]
TOOT: Whatever.
Oh, fine. I'll prove it.
Tim!
XANDIR: [GASPS] Oh, my god.
Tim, I thought you loved me!
Why would he love you
when he could have all this?
[GASPS] Ohh.
You have something to say?
Those ain't real!
Check these out!
Whoo-woo!
AUDIENCE: Jewy! Jewy! Jewy!
ANNOUNCER: When we return,
we'll see some more stuff
that you've already seen.
WOOLDOOR, NARRATING: I feared Clara
would keep me a cripple forever.
If only I could tell
someone what she was doing.
Hey, Clara.
Hey, Wooldoor.
Clara's been poisoning…mmf!
What's that? Foxxy,
look behind you!
It's Denzel Washington.
Denzel!
Oh! Where did Denzel go?
I guess Denzel
must-a have an
appointment or something.
Denzel vury busy.
Uh, Foxxy, look.
Denzel came back.
Denzel!
Oh, I missed him again.
He move quickly.
Denzel in excellent
physical condition.
Hey, I think Wooldoor's
tryin' to communicate
through blinkin'.
Look, Foxxy! Denzel came back
for an unbelievable third time!
[GASPS] Denzel!
Hello there, Foxxy.
Clara's trying to keep Wooldoor…
Foxxy, look out in the hall.
It's another Denzel Washington
with 2 penises!
[GASPS] Double-dong Denzel!
Whoo! Welcome back
to the only job I
can get anymore.
[HICCUPS]
So, Foxxy and Clara,
I hear you're gonna,
like, sing together.
Uh-huh! We the best pairing
of a black person and a
racist, Christian bitch
since Danny Glovers
and Mel Gibson.
Ha ha! Heh heh heh heh heh.
You know, I actually thought
that was kinda funny.
It's just that I've, uh…
I've forgotten how to laugh.
Baah…
Aiing…aahh…
Eeehhh…
Aahh…
Ngaah…
Yehh…
Ohh.
[PLAYING GUITARS]
♪♪ Mm-hmm ♪♪
♪♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪♪
♪♪ la-la-la-la labia, baby ♪♪
♪♪ You got somethin' for me ♪♪
♪♪ In your wizard's sleeve ♪♪
♪♪ La-la-la-la labia, baby ♪♪
♪♪ You got somethin' for me ♪♪
♪♪ Some sweet-pea tea ♪♪
♪♪ Oochie-coochie,
gitchee-gitchee ♪♪
♪♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪♪
♪♪ I gotta snatch it,
gonna catchee-atch ya ♪♪
♪♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪♪
♪♪ Honey-pot ♪♪
♪♪ Peachy-pie ♪♪
Ticket to the y-club.
♪♪ Ooh, la la ♪♪ ♪♪
la-la-la, labia ♪♪
♪♪ labia ♪♪
♪♪ for me ♪♪
♪♪ Yeah ♪♪
♪♪ La-la-la la-la-la ♪♪
♪♪ labia ♪♪
♪♪ la-bia ♪♪
♪♪ Some sweet-pea tea ♪♪
♪♪ you got somethin' ♪♪
♪♪ la la-la labia ♪♪
♪♪ La la-la labia, yeah ♪♪
♪♪ Baby! Baby! ♪♪
♪♪ Labi… ♪♪
♪♪ labia, my baby-ah ♪♪
♪♪ Got something ♪♪
♪♪ Ooh, labia ♪♪
[PFRRT]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Aww, let's just
get through this.
Uh, Foxxy, you are safe.
And, Clara, you are…
All right, congratulations
to all three of you
for making it this far.
And now's the time when
we have to say good-bye
to one of you forever.
And the evicted house mate is…
All right, stop this
nonsense, Jew producer.
Everybody knows you're
not voting anybody off.
We've been here for 3 years.
We're all coming back.
How dare you!
We'd never waste anyone's time
and pull a fast one.
Ahem.
And the evicted house mate is…
Munchkin mouse.
[GASPS] Not munchkin mouse!
Well, I guess I
should've expected
as munch! Ha ha ha!
Well, munchkin mouse,
it's been a real pleasure
having you on the show
since the very beginning.
And now, before you leave,
let's enjoy some of
our favourite moments
of you on this show.
Please don't.
All right, well, that's
how that ended, OK?
Come on, everybody.
Let's do the dunkleman!
[MUSIC LIKE THE HUSTLE PLAYING]
[ALL SIGH]
♪♪ Do the dunkleman ♪♪
[MUTTERING] Comedy central…
[MUTTERING JAPANESE]
TOOT: Hey, ass holes,
thanks for watching!
[KIDS LAUGHING]
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
I'll leave you 2
love-birds alone.
I…what?
W-what?
Take off shirt!
[SOBBING]
[SNIFFS]
Ahh…
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
I'll leave you 2
love-birds alone.
toss your meds
and shoot your shrink,
because your pitiful life
will finally be given meaning
as you decide
which of these 8 ass bags
will be banished from
the Drawn Together house
forever!
One house mate will disappear
like a Mexican woman's
figure after marriage.
Tonight…
On the season finale
of Drawn Together,
the musical elimination special,
Part 2: The musical elimination.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
this happens now!
Uhh. Uhh.
♪♪ One house ♪♪
♪♪ To hold us all ♪♪
♪♪ 8 different
cartoon characters ♪♪
♪♪ Lettin' it all hang out ♪♪
♪♪ Before the one
million cameras ♪♪
♪♪ We're Drawn Together ♪♪
♪♪ Yeah! ♪♪
[CLARA HOLDS NOTE]
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
the Jew producer!
Thank you. Thank you.
Now, you, the viewers, voted
for your favourite
musical house mate,
and tonight, we will reveal
which one of you ass holes
is going home.
So, Captain Hero…
it's pronounced Capitan.
The "hero" is silent.
OK. Well, before you
perform your song tonight,
let's all relive
this creepy Captain Hero moment.
CAPTAIN HERO, NARRATING: At last,
it was the night of my big date
with Clara, and I
wanted everything
to go perfectly. [WHAP]
Oh! Oh, shoot.
Ahh! A thousand pardons.
Allow me, milady.
Get off me!
It was as if
everything on the date
that could have gone wrong did.
Oh, I have the worst luck.
Captain Hero, take me home.
What? You're not having fun?
You're making out
with our waiter.
Shh! Don't be mean to him,
or he'll spit in our food.
Ohh!
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
Captain Leslie Hero!
[MUSIC BEGINS]
♪♪ Daisy ♪♪
♪♪ Daisy ♪♪
♪♪ Give me your answer, do ♪♪
♪♪ I'm half crazy ♪♪
♪♪ All for the love of you ♪♪
♪♪ But you're gonna
look so sweet ♪♪
♪♪ Upon the seat ♪♪
♪♪ Of a, a bicycle built for ♪♪
♪♪ Two-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-
woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo ♪♪
[APPLAUSE]
Captain Hero, the votes are in.
And you are…
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
Safe!
Ahh! Oh, my god.
Thank you, America.
I love you…
So why shouldn't we
have a fuckin' baby?
Toot, you suck,
and yet you keep returning.
How do you explain
this phenomenon?
Well, how do you explain
your fugly face?!
I was burned in a
horrible accident.
It's pretty sad, actually.
[SENTIMENTAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
Now, while Toot gets ready
to sing her clogged heart out,
let's take a look at some
of our favourite moments
with Toot Braunstein.
Come on. Do me. Do me.
You know you want it.
Sorry, my dear,
but even a filthy,
pathetic donkey
has standards.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
Toot Braunstein.
♪♪ For a moment like this ♪♪
♪♪ Some people
wait a lifetime ♪♪
♪♪ For a moment like this ♪♪
♪♪ Some people search forever ♪♪
♪♪ For that one special kiss ♪♪
♪♪ Oh, I can't believe ♪♪
♪♪ It's happening to me ♪♪
[AUDIENCE BOOING]
♪♪ Some people
wait a lifetime ♪♪
♪♪For a moment ♪♪
You suck!
♪♪ Like this ♪♪
Well, Toot,
the audience has spoken,
and you are…
[HUMS SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Safe!
You're goddamn right I'm safe,
you fucking ass bags!
ANNOUNCER: When we return,
we'll find out which one
of our 6 remaining
contestant's dreams
will be totally ruined
like your mom's reputation
after I bone her face.
[APPLAUSE]
Everyone, welcome.
In accordance with
captain girl's wishes,
we are burying her as a Mormon.
Not because she was one,
but because she hated Mormons,
and it would make her
happy for us to bury one.
You may begin, reverend.
If you'll all turn in your books
to page 134…
ahem.
Ooga-booga! Great space god!
Magic lizard, come
down from Jupiter!
[SOBBING]
PRODUCER: Before we continue
on with the results,
let's take a moment to remember
some of our family
who we've lost
over this past season.
[AVE MARIA BEGINS]
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE QUIETS]
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
[ONE PERSON CLAPS]
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
♪♪ Ave maria… ♪♪
[ONE PERSON CLAPS LATE, STOPS]
[APPLAUSE]
♪♪ Ave maria… ♪♪
[2 PEOPLE CLAP]
[NO APPLAUSE]
♪♪ Ahh… ♪♪
[APPLAUSE]
[CROWD MUTTERING IN SHOCK]
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE AND GASPING]
[APPLAUSE AND GASPING]
[APPLAUSE]
[GOAT BLEATS]
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE AND GASPING]
AUDIENCE: Ohh!
I love references
to dead celebrities
nobody cares about anymore.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
[COUGHS] Aahh!
May they all rot in hell.
ALL: Amen!
♪♪ Baby ♪♪
Wooldoor, why don't
you tell the audience
what you plan on
singing tonight?
I'm totally gonna rock
some black chick's tongue.
Well, go get ready,
and as you do,
let's watch Wooldoor's journey
into the final 8.
Wooldoor, I'd like
you to meet the cap'n.
So, frank says you've
got a great big cock.
Really? May I see it?
OK. [ZIPS]
[THUD]
Thank you, Wooldoor.
ANNOUNCER: Here he
is, Wooldoor Sockbat.
♪♪ What is this
thing in my mouth? ♪♪
♪♪ It's slippery,
and it's slimy ♪♪
♪♪ Travelling down
my slender virgin ♪♪
♪♪ Pink oesophagus ♪♪
♪♪ Some black chick's tongue! ♪♪
♪♪ It's such a new sensation! ♪♪
♪♪ I got a mayonnaise
mama on my lickin' hole ♪♪
♪♪ And I've only just begun! ♪♪
Well, Wooldoor,
the audience has voted.
And you are…
Not safe!
Aww.
AUDIENCE: Aww.
[SENTIMENTAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
[SNARLING]
Ling-Ling,
you're a pretty popular fella.
Yes. Yes, I am.
Well, I hope you're
ready to sing
your little yellow heart out,
but before you do,
let's take a look
at why you're so
goddamn popular.
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
I'll leave you 2
love-birds alone.
I…what?
W-what?
Take off shirt!
[SOBBING]
[SNIFFS]
Ahh…
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
ANNOUNCER: And now, Ling-Ling!
[SINGING IN JAPANESE]
♪♪ Kill kill kill kill ♪♪
♪♪ Die die die ♪♪
♪♪ Kill kill kill kill ♪♪
♪♪ Die die die ♪♪
♪♪ Kill kill kill kill ♪♪
♪♪ Die die die ♪♪
[SCATTING]
Nicely done.
Now let's see if the audience
has hung you out
to dry…Cleaners.
Ling-Ling, you are…
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
Going to find out if
you're safe or not
after this commercial break.
AUDIENCE: Aww.
Eh, fine. You're safe.
Enjoy the commercials
without anything to look
forward to, ass holes.
Hmm. "Popular comedy
central toon cancelled."
No. Uh, ooh.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
What, are we still doing this?
[GLASS BREAKS, CAT YOWLS]
Xandir. Your journey
with the show
has been one of the
most controversial
in recent years,
most notably, the rumours
of your illicit affair with moi.
Ew! Ecch, I wouldn't have sex
with a Jewish guy
if you paid me.
Which, of course, you wouldn't.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
So you're denying that anything
ever happened between us?
But I loved you!
[SOBS, COCKS GUN]
[GUNSHOT]
[THUD]
JEW PRODUCER: Oh, my god.
A stage-hand got shot!
What have I done?
I can't live with myself.
[GUNSHOT]
[THUD]
Oh, god! Another
stage-hand got shot.
Why is the world so cruel?
[GUNSHOT]
[THUD]
Ohh! [GURGLING]
[GUNSHOT, SPLAT]
[THUD]
ANNOUNCER: The part
of the Jew producer
will now be played
by Ryan Seacrest…
it's former American idolco-host,
Bryan Dunkleman.
Yeah! Bryan Dunkleman
is in the house.
That's right, the dunkey's back,
and he's missed you, too, y'all!
Now let's look at some clips
of Xangir! Yeah, Xangir!
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
I'll leave you 2
love-birds alone.
I…what?
W-what?
Take off shirt!
[SOBS]
[SNIFFS]
Ahh…
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
♪♪ Get ready to fire the load ♪♪
Come on!
♪♪ Salty seamen ♪♪
♪♪ In a submarine ♪♪
♪♪ Ready to fire the load ♪♪
♪♪ Heads up on the poop deck ♪♪
♪♪ We got incoming male ♪♪
♪♪ Get ready to fire the load ♪♪
♪♪ Gonna fire the load ♪♪
♪♪ Fire the load ♪♪
Whoo, that was hot!
Well, Xandir, the votes are in.
And you are…
Not safe.
Ohh… [LAUGHTER]
DUNKLEMAN, THINKING:
This isn't so hard.
Goddamn Ryan Seacrest.
What kind of a name
is that anyway?
Now, dunkleman, that's a name
that means something.
Wait…oh, what am I doing?
I'm frozen.
Everyone's looking at me.
Heh. This is harder
than I thought.
Seacrest, he makes
it look so easy.
[GROANS] I deserve to get fired.
What kind of a name
is dunkleman anyway?
Now, Ryan Seacrest,
that's a name.
[CLEARS THROAT]
All right. I guess Spanky Ham
will have to take care of this.
Uh, let's watch some
clips of the hamster.
I don't mean a hamster.
You know what I mean.
Nailed it!
[PLAYING BONGOS]
Do you like how I
sing my love song?
Do you like Vincent van Gogh?
I like to walk the
streets at midnight.
I want you to know.
Nailed it.
Aw, look at me.
I'm a fuckin' mess.
Ryan Seacrest was right.
I'm not a dunkleman.
I'm a dunkleboy.
So am I safe?
Are any of us?
ANNOUNCER: When we
return, we'll learn
who won't be coming
back next season.
But first, let's
take a brief look
at some of the best clips
from last year's clip show.
Captain Hero, dame rumour has it
your relationship with Xandir
has continued since
the show ended.
Oh, you've got it
all wrong, Habibi.
Xandir had an affair
with Tim Tommerson,
not me.
[LAUGHING]
TOOT: Whatever.
Oh, fine. I'll prove it.
Tim!
XANDIR: [GASPS] Oh, my god.
Tim, I thought you loved me!
Why would he love you
when he could have all this?
[GASPS] Ohh.
You have something to say?
Those ain't real!
Check these out!
Whoo-woo!
AUDIENCE: Jewy! Jewy! Jewy!
ANNOUNCER: When we return,
we'll see some more stuff
that you've already seen.
WOOLDOOR, NARRATING: I feared Clara
would keep me a cripple forever.
If only I could tell
someone what she was doing.
Hey, Clara.
Hey, Wooldoor.
Clara's been poisoning…mmf!
What's that? Foxxy,
look behind you!
It's Denzel Washington.
Denzel!
Oh! Where did Denzel go?
I guess Denzel
must-a have an
appointment or something.
Denzel vury busy.
Uh, Foxxy, look.
Denzel came back.
Denzel!
Oh, I missed him again.
He move quickly.
Denzel in excellent
physical condition.
Hey, I think Wooldoor's
tryin' to communicate
through blinkin'.
Look, Foxxy! Denzel came back
for an unbelievable third time!
[GASPS] Denzel!
Hello there, Foxxy.
Clara's trying to keep Wooldoor…
Foxxy, look out in the hall.
It's another Denzel Washington
with 2 penises!
[GASPS] Double-dong Denzel!
Whoo! Welcome back
to the only job I
can get anymore.
[HICCUPS]
So, Foxxy and Clara,
I hear you're gonna,
like, sing together.
Uh-huh! We the best pairing
of a black person and a
racist, Christian bitch
since Danny Glovers
and Mel Gibson.
Ha ha! Heh heh heh heh heh.
You know, I actually thought
that was kinda funny.
It's just that I've, uh…
I've forgotten how to laugh.
Baah…
Aiing…aahh…
Eeehhh…
Aahh…
Ngaah…
Yehh…
Ohh.
[PLAYING GUITARS]
♪♪ Mm-hmm ♪♪
♪♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪♪
♪♪ la-la-la-la labia, baby ♪♪
♪♪ You got somethin' for me ♪♪
♪♪ In your wizard's sleeve ♪♪
♪♪ La-la-la-la labia, baby ♪♪
♪♪ You got somethin' for me ♪♪
♪♪ Some sweet-pea tea ♪♪
♪♪ Oochie-coochie,
gitchee-gitchee ♪♪
♪♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪♪
♪♪ I gotta snatch it,
gonna catchee-atch ya ♪♪
♪♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪♪
♪♪ Honey-pot ♪♪
♪♪ Peachy-pie ♪♪
Ticket to the y-club.
♪♪ Ooh, la la ♪♪ ♪♪
la-la-la, labia ♪♪
♪♪ labia ♪♪
♪♪ for me ♪♪
♪♪ Yeah ♪♪
♪♪ La-la-la la-la-la ♪♪
♪♪ labia ♪♪
♪♪ la-bia ♪♪
♪♪ Some sweet-pea tea ♪♪
♪♪ you got somethin' ♪♪
♪♪ la la-la labia ♪♪
♪♪ La la-la labia, yeah ♪♪
♪♪ Baby! Baby! ♪♪
♪♪ Labi… ♪♪
♪♪ labia, my baby-ah ♪♪
♪♪ Got something ♪♪
♪♪ Ooh, labia ♪♪
[PFRRT]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Aww, let's just
get through this.
Uh, Foxxy, you are safe.
And, Clara, you are…
All right, congratulations
to all three of you
for making it this far.
And now's the time when
we have to say good-bye
to one of you forever.
And the evicted house mate is…
All right, stop this
nonsense, Jew producer.
Everybody knows you're
not voting anybody off.
We've been here for 3 years.
We're all coming back.
How dare you!
We'd never waste anyone's time
and pull a fast one.
Ahem.
And the evicted house mate is…
Munchkin mouse.
[GASPS] Not munchkin mouse!
Well, I guess I
should've expected
as munch! Ha ha ha!
Well, munchkin mouse,
it's been a real pleasure
having you on the show
since the very beginning.
And now, before you leave,
let's enjoy some of
our favourite moments
of you on this show.
Please don't.
All right, well, that's
how that ended, OK?
Come on, everybody.
Let's do the dunkleman!
[MUSIC LIKE THE HUSTLE PLAYING]
[ALL SIGH]
♪♪ Do the dunkleman ♪♪
[MUTTERING] Comedy central…
[MUTTERING JAPANESE]
TOOT: Hey, ass holes,
thanks for watching!
[KIDS LAUGHING]
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
I'll leave you 2
love-birds alone.
I…what?
W-what?
Take off shirt!
[SOBBING]
[SNIFFS]
Ahh…
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
I'll leave you 2
love-birds alone.