Drawn Together (2004–2007): Season 3, Episode 10 - Breakfast Food Killer - full transcript
Wooldoor becomes the cereal mascot of Quackers cereal after the original mascot is mysteriously murdered. Wooldoor parties it up Hollywood-style with his new cereal friends, and soon finds himself addicted to Crunchberries. Toot discovers that the cereal industry is evil and tries to bring it down before they lose Wooldoor forever.
Boy, sis, I sure do
love Quackers Cereal.
Hey, bushes don't walk.
Nice try, Quackers.
You know Quackers Cereal is for…
Shut the fuck up and hand
over the cereal box!
I need that UPC code! Aah!
Quackers, you're acting crazy.
I'll show you fuckin' crazy!
Uhh!
[SPLASHING]
[GLEEFUL PANTING]
4 down. One to go.
[GUNSHOT]
Holy quap!
[GUNFIRE]
Ehh.
Tell me where the UPC codes are.
Never. You'll have
to kill me first.
Ooh. Looks like someone
hasn't been meeting
his daily requirement of iron.
Soggies.
Aah! No!
[LAUGHING]
Oh, man. Quackers is really
getting what he deserves.
Yeah. But am I?
I'm so telling mom.
[GLASS SHATTERS, NEWS THEME]
REPORTER: With the recent death
of beloved cereal mascot Quackers,
a worldwide search has
begun for his replacement,
attracting cartoon characters from
even the most obscure TV shows.
It's always been my dream
to be a cereal mascot
and make kids happ…
Well, I wanna be a mascot
for the fame and the fort…
babba-buey. Babba-buey. Babba-buey.
Babba-buey.
[MAN] When Quackers'
replacement is found,
rainbow smoke will rise
from the smokestacks.
In other news,
I have throat cancer,
and I'm not doing well.
And now back to your
regularly scheduled program.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Is this where the auditions are?
Don't be shy. Come in.
I'm Frankenberry, the
president of the cereal empire.
This is Tony Tiger.
And of course you
know Violent Retard,
from Violent Retard flakes.
[SQUELCH]
There isn't any cereal
called Violent Retard flakes.
[WHISPERING] You tell him.
OK, Miss Braunstein.
Tell us why you think
the new face of Quackers Cereal
should be a fat,
disgusting woman.
Because Mary Lou Retton
sold a butt load of Wheaties.
Maybe this is the
retardation talking,
but I think Toot is perfect.
Then it's berry official.
Congratulations. You're the
new face of Quackers Cereal.
[NOISE MAKERS BLOW]
You're goddamn right
I am, you ass bags.
Ooh, you're welcome.
You start first thing
tomorrow morning,
barring of course the sudden
entrance of someone better.
[FOOTSTEPS PATTER]
WOOLDOOR: Hey, where's the
room for the auditions?
MAN: Uh, down the
hallway to the left.
No, the other left.
Why are you sitting down?
I get confused.
Aw, for god's sake,
just follow the arrows.
[DOOR SHAKES] It's locked.
You just gotta pull it.
I am pulling it.
Try it again.
No, don't sit down.
Here. Let me do it.
[DOOR SHAKES]
You're right. It is locked.
Aren't you Boner
from Growing Pains?
Yeah. It's always
nice to meet a fan.
I wouldn't say I'm a fan.
I just watch a lot of TV.
Hey, you know who's here?
You ever watch Small Wonder?
No. Never heard of it.
You've never seen Small Wonder?
It's about a girl with powers.
I think you're thinking
of out of this world.
Nah, nah. Small Wonder.
It's about a robot girl
who could stop time.
Are you sure that wasn't
out of this world?
Yeah. Out of this
world was the one
where the girl's
dad was an alien.
Oh, right. Right.
[SIGHS]
Uh, anyway, she works
upstairs in marketing.
Cool.
Yep, yep.
[DOOR SHAKES]
Oh. Here, look.
The door's not locked.
You're just supposed to push it.
Whee!
Hold up!
What's this all of a sudden?!
I'm wacky Wooldoor Sockbat!
OK, this is definitely
the retardation talking,
but me want hug!
He's gooood enough.
Yaah! [CRACK]
- Toot, you're out.
- Wha?
Wooldoor Sockbat, you're
the new Quackers mascot.
Congratulations.
Whee!
Hey, hey, hey. Am I too
late for the audition?
Oh, way too late.
Once we make a
decision, it's final.
Ahh, quack attack.
[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
Wooldoor Sockbat from Torrance,
I'm glad you could make it.
[INDISTINCT GROWLY VOCALS]
Sugar, honey, I want you to
meet the new kid on the block.
Hi. I'm Wooldoor.
Hey, Wooldoor. I'm sugar bear.
Can I ask you a question?
- Do you work out?
- Yeah.
What do you bench?
- You tell first.
- You first.
Same time. Ready?
- 1, 2, 3.
- 1, 2, 3.
You didn't say anything.
Neither did you.
♪♪ That bee is stacked out ♪♪
♪♪ I'm gonna get some… ♪♪
Hey, has anyone seen Jewel?
Oh, no.
Hey, snap, crackle,
that's my wife!
Me I'm done with you, pop.
These guys don't need
to crap on their
bellies to get off.
[GROANS]
Wooldoor, I'd like
you to meet the cap'n.
So, frank says you've
got a great big cock.
Really? May I see it?
OK.
[ZIP]
[THUD]
Thank you, Wooldoor.
[TIPSY] You sons of bitches!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC STING]
This was supposed
to be all mine…
The cereal, the crappy friends,
the word-for-word
Boogie Nights parody,
if you can call lazy
plagiarism a parody…
but you gave it to
him instead of me!
Soggies.
Like a woman on a
date with a Jew,
you're gonna pay!
Wait! I'm sorry if…
Don't worry about her, kid.
She's just jealous
because you're a star.
Here. Try some crunch berries.
Mmm. Hmm.
[BABBLES]
Fuckin' "a," dude.
I can stay hard in milk. Whee!
[CHEERING]
Aah!
Screw all you cereal dick holes.
You're all gonna pay,
as sure as my name is Too…
Toot Brau…
au…
stei…
ein!
Esquire.
[VOMITS]
[CROWS]
Goddamn it.
Somebody call the quops!
What the?
Ohh.
Quackers?
I thought you were dead.
I don't have much time.
They fed me alqua-seltzer.
What happened? Why
were you in there?
They're looking for these.
[GRUNTS]
Keepin' these in my ass
seemed like a much better idea
when they weren't in my ass.
[POP]
Take these 4 golden UPCs.
[COUGHS]
Hey, rabbit, I need the
news, not the weather.
When joined with the
hidden fifth UPC,
they would unlock a secret
that will destroy the
evil cereal empire.
A secret that can bring down
those bastards who humiliated me?
I like the sound of that.
Here's another cool sound.
[HUMMING]
[BOOM]
Aw, Quackers, you're
with quist now.
I'll always remember
the good times.
[GOOD TIMES THEME PLAYING]
♪♪ Good times! ♪♪
♪♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪♪
♪♪ Good times! ♪♪
♪♪ Anytime you meet a friend ♪♪
♪♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em? ♪♪
♪♪ Good times ♪♪
[VOCALISING]
And I met Trix rabbit.
And did you know that
sugar bear can squat 350?
And the mansion is awesome!
3 TVs, a water slide,
and nobody sodomises you if you
accidentally sit in their chair.
Is you on somethin'?
Just a few crunch berries.
It's no big.
Hey, you cereal mascot dick bag,
Toot Braunstein is gonna destroy
you and the entire cereal empire
with these special UPC codes.
There's nothin' special
about UPC codes.
Why, they're everywhere
and have been since 1971.
First suggested by
Wallace Fritz in 1922,
the uniform product
code, or UPC,
was developed…
I like to pee on things.
You don't understand.
Quackers was still alive,
and he told me to find
the last UPC code,
and then he died in my arms.
You're just jealous
because you didn't
have what it takes
to grace the cover
of a cereal box.
Tookie, can't you just be
happy for Mapplethorpe?
Why don't you
ass holes believe me?!
And why don't you
know any of our names?
Fine. I can prove to you
all that I'm not lying.
I can take you to his dead body.
A dead body, you say?
Come on, everybody.
I'll take you to see
Quackers' dead body
on the carousel of progress.
♪♪ Now is the time ♪♪
♪♪ Now is the best time ♪♪
♪♪ Now is the best
time of your life ♪♪
♪♪ There's so much
to cheer for ♪♪
♪♪ Be glad you're here ♪♪
♪♪ For it's the best
time of your life ♪♪
What? Quackers is gone!
You promised me a dead body!
He blew up right here.
A-and the cage, it
was right over there.
WOOLDOOR: Frankenberry?
Oh, it's Frankenberry now,
because back in Hebrew
school, it was Frankenstein.
Assimilation is our
people's biggest enemy.
I know.
[VIOLIN PLAYS]
I know you moved Quacker's body,
and I'm gonna bring you all down
as soon as I find the last UPC.
UPCs?! Give me them!
Oh. I mean, may I take a gander?
Hmm?
Never!
Oh, goddamn it.
[GRUNTS] No.
Where are you, fifth UPC code?
Hmm?
[WHIMPERS]
[WIND BLOWING]
Whaah!
[MEOW]
Heh. Silly me.
It's just the cat that makes
my sand sausage every morning.
Holy crap!
Give me the UPC codes, you.
Never!
[GASPS] Someone
after me funyuns.
[CHUCKLING]
[SHOTGUN BLAST]
Toots, you better get
your greasy hooves
off that midget. No means no.
You stupid bitch!
He's trying to kill me!
[GASPS] Oh, lordy.
[WHIMPERS]
Uhh!
Who the hell sent you?
They'll be puttin'
pennies on me eyes
before I tell you that
Frankenberry sent me
and that the final UPC is
hidden in General Mills' tomb.
Ooh. I wasn't
supposed to say that.
Time for me cyanide
marshmallows.
There's one in every box.
Try to find 'em, kids.
[BAGPIPE PLAYS]
Now do you believe me, Foxxy?
I sure do.
We gots to go to Mr.
General Mills' tomb.
[WOLF HOWLING]
[GASPS] Somebody comin'.
Aw, man, those
things are so racist.
I mean, what kind of sick
weirdo would buy one of those?
Seriously.
So, you wanna go
diddle the new corpse?
Yeah, as long as she ain't black.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
CHOIR: ♪♪ Amen ♪♪
[WOLF HOWLS]
There it go,
General Mill tomb.
Only the worthy may enter.
Aah! Yaah!
To get to the final UPC,
you must answer these questions.
But beware. If you
answer incorrectly,
y'all end up like them.
[THUNDER]
I feel bad we got it wrong.
Well, you live and learn.
How delicious is
a bowl of Franken…
Berry Cereal?
[WHISPERING]
Jodeci.
[WHISPERING]
Foxxy got this.
We gonna go with
berry delicious.
Show me "berry delicious."
[BONG]
[APPLAUSE]
You are worthy.
There's General Mills!
Damn! I ain't seen a general
that ashy since Colin Powell.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Be careful of this one.
He's a little clingy.
[WHOOSH]
That's the final UPC.
We got it.
Now what?
Yaah! Yaah!
Send in all 5 UPC symbols and
receive the secret mystery prize.
Duuuh.
No purchase necessary.
Void where prohibited.
Free housebreaking wee-wee
pads with each purpose. Bluuh.
Come on. We gots to send 'em in
before the Frankelberry stop us.
Thank you, General Mills.
I'll always remember
the good times.
♪♪ Good times ♪♪
♪♪ Any time you
meet a payment ♪♪
♪♪ Good times ♪♪
♪♪ Any time you meet a friend ♪♪
♪♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em? ♪♪
♪♪ Good times ♪♪
[VOCALISING]
Oh, drat.
We must kill Toot
before she mails in the UPCs.
WOOLDOOR: Kill Toot?!
Why would you wanna
kill my fattest friend?
If your friend manages to
send in those UPC codes,
she'll have the power
to take away your fame,
your money, your crunch berries.
But I need that to relax!
That's why I need your help.
Anything! Good. Wooldoor,
now, you know this
Toots intimately.
If she had to mail something,
where would she go?
The post office?
Yes, of course. The post office.
[SNAPS]
You've done well and
deserve to be rewarded.
You get to watch me
fuck this filthy whore
and fuck her good.
Oh, cup the balls.
Work the shaft.
Aim for her cocoa
puffs, Frankie.
They'll never expect us to
be mailing the UPC codes
from the post office.
[GASPS]
[GASPS] Soggies!
[MUSIC SIMILAR TO THE
MATRIX RELOADED PLAYING]
You better strap
your fat ass in.
I'm goin' up.
Ooh. This is hot.
Let's touch dicks.
[ZIP, THUD]
[GAGS]
Pussy!
I'm gonna jump for it!
[CHAMBERS ROUND]
[CHOIR SINGING]
[MUSIC STOPS]
[WHISTLING]
[CREAK]
At last.
[ROUNDS CHAMBER]
Aah! Yaah!
[ACCENT] You cheat, Dr. Jones.
Tear it open.
That's it? A crappy
piece of plastic?
They always look a lot more able
to bring down the cereal
empire on the box.
[BEEPS]
Africa?
I don't even know
what's gonna happen,
and I'm already offended.
How the hell are we
gonna get to Africa?
Ting Tao, Doctah Jones.
Ring-ring potea Mo
nanankora short round.
♪♪ Now is the time ♪♪
♪♪ Now is the best time ♪♪
♪♪ Now is the best
time of your life ♪♪
Come on, guys. That way.
Oh, my gosh.
American cereals are
mined by child slaves.
Dig 'em.
I said dig 'em.
Mine!
Ohh. You can really
taste the suffering.
We got to free
them child slaves.
Gas, grass, or ass.
So now you know the truth.
That's bad news for you,
berry bad.
Usin' po' innocent
chil'ren for slave labour.
Well, that's more shameful
than our government's
refusal to sign
the Kyoto protocol.
Uh, I mean, blackety, black,
black, stereotype black.
You happy?
Oh, get over it.
Everything good in America comes
at the expense of
third-world children,
even this insipid cartoon.
Without them, Drawn Together
would look like this.
Sweet.
Now I can eat anything I want.
Now I grow weary
of this nonsense.
As do I, master.
Wooldorf.
Wooldorf is dead.
I am Wooldenberry Frankbat.
[ALL GASP]
Oh, retrieve the toy
and bring it to me so I can
destroy it once and for all.
As you wish.
Ow!
Don't give it to him,
Wooldenberry Frankbot.
You became a cereal
mascot to make kids happy,
not to make them slaves.
They're going to destroy the
cereal empire and your new life.
[WHIMPERS]
Nnn.
Hmm…
Here, my lord.
What the?
Toot, catch!
WOOLDOOR: Unh!
What the hell am I
supposed to do with this?
BOY: If you want to release us,
you have to use the toy
to turn the honeycomb,
and it's big.
KIDS: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It ain't small.
No, no, no.
Wait! Toot!
If you stop what you're doing,
I'll give you anything you want,
even your own cereal.
It is a touching offer and
clearly in my best interest,
but I'm far too vindictive,
so fuck you, ass bags!
No! No!
[CHEERING]
That takes care of tha…
[SQUELCH]
Oh, lordy, I'll
be the first girl
killed by a big, fat marshmallow
since the chappaquiddick.
Ooh! Wha…
Aah!
[YELLING]
The mine is collapsing!
We're all gonna die!
Quick. I know a shortcut.
♪♪ Now is the time ♪♪
♪♪ Now is the best time ♪♪
♪♪ Now is the best
time of your life ♪♪
KIDS: Yay!
On behalf of all the children,
I would like to thank you for
freeing us from the cereal mines.
OK. What will our new jobs be?
What you talkin'
'bout, child slave?
Well, we were making
3 cents an hour,
which made us the
richest people in Africa.
Oh, dip. Our
families will starve.
[KIDS CRYING]
Guys, I guess I lost my way.
Thanks for giving an
old Sockbat like me
a second chance.
Yep, and I brought down
the cereal industry.
Now to tackle those
breakfast burrito jackasses.
BOY: Oh, dip.
CHORUS: ♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hal-le-lujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hal-le-lujah ♪♪
♪♪ For the lord
god omnipotent ♪♪
♪♪ Reigneth ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ For the lord
god omnipotent ♪♪
♪♪ Reigneth ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
MEN: ♪♪ Hallelujah,
hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
[VOCALISING]
[BOOM]
love Quackers Cereal.
Hey, bushes don't walk.
Nice try, Quackers.
You know Quackers Cereal is for…
Shut the fuck up and hand
over the cereal box!
I need that UPC code! Aah!
Quackers, you're acting crazy.
I'll show you fuckin' crazy!
Uhh!
[SPLASHING]
[GLEEFUL PANTING]
4 down. One to go.
[GUNSHOT]
Holy quap!
[GUNFIRE]
Ehh.
Tell me where the UPC codes are.
Never. You'll have
to kill me first.
Ooh. Looks like someone
hasn't been meeting
his daily requirement of iron.
Soggies.
Aah! No!
[LAUGHING]
Oh, man. Quackers is really
getting what he deserves.
Yeah. But am I?
I'm so telling mom.
[GLASS SHATTERS, NEWS THEME]
REPORTER: With the recent death
of beloved cereal mascot Quackers,
a worldwide search has
begun for his replacement,
attracting cartoon characters from
even the most obscure TV shows.
It's always been my dream
to be a cereal mascot
and make kids happ…
Well, I wanna be a mascot
for the fame and the fort…
babba-buey. Babba-buey. Babba-buey.
Babba-buey.
[MAN] When Quackers'
replacement is found,
rainbow smoke will rise
from the smokestacks.
In other news,
I have throat cancer,
and I'm not doing well.
And now back to your
regularly scheduled program.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Is this where the auditions are?
Don't be shy. Come in.
I'm Frankenberry, the
president of the cereal empire.
This is Tony Tiger.
And of course you
know Violent Retard,
from Violent Retard flakes.
[SQUELCH]
There isn't any cereal
called Violent Retard flakes.
[WHISPERING] You tell him.
OK, Miss Braunstein.
Tell us why you think
the new face of Quackers Cereal
should be a fat,
disgusting woman.
Because Mary Lou Retton
sold a butt load of Wheaties.
Maybe this is the
retardation talking,
but I think Toot is perfect.
Then it's berry official.
Congratulations. You're the
new face of Quackers Cereal.
[NOISE MAKERS BLOW]
You're goddamn right
I am, you ass bags.
Ooh, you're welcome.
You start first thing
tomorrow morning,
barring of course the sudden
entrance of someone better.
[FOOTSTEPS PATTER]
WOOLDOOR: Hey, where's the
room for the auditions?
MAN: Uh, down the
hallway to the left.
No, the other left.
Why are you sitting down?
I get confused.
Aw, for god's sake,
just follow the arrows.
[DOOR SHAKES] It's locked.
You just gotta pull it.
I am pulling it.
Try it again.
No, don't sit down.
Here. Let me do it.
[DOOR SHAKES]
You're right. It is locked.
Aren't you Boner
from Growing Pains?
Yeah. It's always
nice to meet a fan.
I wouldn't say I'm a fan.
I just watch a lot of TV.
Hey, you know who's here?
You ever watch Small Wonder?
No. Never heard of it.
You've never seen Small Wonder?
It's about a girl with powers.
I think you're thinking
of out of this world.
Nah, nah. Small Wonder.
It's about a robot girl
who could stop time.
Are you sure that wasn't
out of this world?
Yeah. Out of this
world was the one
where the girl's
dad was an alien.
Oh, right. Right.
[SIGHS]
Uh, anyway, she works
upstairs in marketing.
Cool.
Yep, yep.
[DOOR SHAKES]
Oh. Here, look.
The door's not locked.
You're just supposed to push it.
Whee!
Hold up!
What's this all of a sudden?!
I'm wacky Wooldoor Sockbat!
OK, this is definitely
the retardation talking,
but me want hug!
He's gooood enough.
Yaah! [CRACK]
- Toot, you're out.
- Wha?
Wooldoor Sockbat, you're
the new Quackers mascot.
Congratulations.
Whee!
Hey, hey, hey. Am I too
late for the audition?
Oh, way too late.
Once we make a
decision, it's final.
Ahh, quack attack.
[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
Wooldoor Sockbat from Torrance,
I'm glad you could make it.
[INDISTINCT GROWLY VOCALS]
Sugar, honey, I want you to
meet the new kid on the block.
Hi. I'm Wooldoor.
Hey, Wooldoor. I'm sugar bear.
Can I ask you a question?
- Do you work out?
- Yeah.
What do you bench?
- You tell first.
- You first.
Same time. Ready?
- 1, 2, 3.
- 1, 2, 3.
You didn't say anything.
Neither did you.
♪♪ That bee is stacked out ♪♪
♪♪ I'm gonna get some… ♪♪
Hey, has anyone seen Jewel?
Oh, no.
Hey, snap, crackle,
that's my wife!
Me I'm done with you, pop.
These guys don't need
to crap on their
bellies to get off.
[GROANS]
Wooldoor, I'd like
you to meet the cap'n.
So, frank says you've
got a great big cock.
Really? May I see it?
OK.
[ZIP]
[THUD]
Thank you, Wooldoor.
[TIPSY] You sons of bitches!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC STING]
This was supposed
to be all mine…
The cereal, the crappy friends,
the word-for-word
Boogie Nights parody,
if you can call lazy
plagiarism a parody…
but you gave it to
him instead of me!
Soggies.
Like a woman on a
date with a Jew,
you're gonna pay!
Wait! I'm sorry if…
Don't worry about her, kid.
She's just jealous
because you're a star.
Here. Try some crunch berries.
Mmm. Hmm.
[BABBLES]
Fuckin' "a," dude.
I can stay hard in milk. Whee!
[CHEERING]
Aah!
Screw all you cereal dick holes.
You're all gonna pay,
as sure as my name is Too…
Toot Brau…
au…
stei…
ein!
Esquire.
[VOMITS]
[CROWS]
Goddamn it.
Somebody call the quops!
What the?
Ohh.
Quackers?
I thought you were dead.
I don't have much time.
They fed me alqua-seltzer.
What happened? Why
were you in there?
They're looking for these.
[GRUNTS]
Keepin' these in my ass
seemed like a much better idea
when they weren't in my ass.
[POP]
Take these 4 golden UPCs.
[COUGHS]
Hey, rabbit, I need the
news, not the weather.
When joined with the
hidden fifth UPC,
they would unlock a secret
that will destroy the
evil cereal empire.
A secret that can bring down
those bastards who humiliated me?
I like the sound of that.
Here's another cool sound.
[HUMMING]
[BOOM]
Aw, Quackers, you're
with quist now.
I'll always remember
the good times.
[GOOD TIMES THEME PLAYING]
♪♪ Good times! ♪♪
♪♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪♪
♪♪ Good times! ♪♪
♪♪ Anytime you meet a friend ♪♪
♪♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em? ♪♪
♪♪ Good times ♪♪
[VOCALISING]
And I met Trix rabbit.
And did you know that
sugar bear can squat 350?
And the mansion is awesome!
3 TVs, a water slide,
and nobody sodomises you if you
accidentally sit in their chair.
Is you on somethin'?
Just a few crunch berries.
It's no big.
Hey, you cereal mascot dick bag,
Toot Braunstein is gonna destroy
you and the entire cereal empire
with these special UPC codes.
There's nothin' special
about UPC codes.
Why, they're everywhere
and have been since 1971.
First suggested by
Wallace Fritz in 1922,
the uniform product
code, or UPC,
was developed…
I like to pee on things.
You don't understand.
Quackers was still alive,
and he told me to find
the last UPC code,
and then he died in my arms.
You're just jealous
because you didn't
have what it takes
to grace the cover
of a cereal box.
Tookie, can't you just be
happy for Mapplethorpe?
Why don't you
ass holes believe me?!
And why don't you
know any of our names?
Fine. I can prove to you
all that I'm not lying.
I can take you to his dead body.
A dead body, you say?
Come on, everybody.
I'll take you to see
Quackers' dead body
on the carousel of progress.
♪♪ Now is the time ♪♪
♪♪ Now is the best time ♪♪
♪♪ Now is the best
time of your life ♪♪
♪♪ There's so much
to cheer for ♪♪
♪♪ Be glad you're here ♪♪
♪♪ For it's the best
time of your life ♪♪
What? Quackers is gone!
You promised me a dead body!
He blew up right here.
A-and the cage, it
was right over there.
WOOLDOOR: Frankenberry?
Oh, it's Frankenberry now,
because back in Hebrew
school, it was Frankenstein.
Assimilation is our
people's biggest enemy.
I know.
[VIOLIN PLAYS]
I know you moved Quacker's body,
and I'm gonna bring you all down
as soon as I find the last UPC.
UPCs?! Give me them!
Oh. I mean, may I take a gander?
Hmm?
Never!
Oh, goddamn it.
[GRUNTS] No.
Where are you, fifth UPC code?
Hmm?
[WHIMPERS]
[WIND BLOWING]
Whaah!
[MEOW]
Heh. Silly me.
It's just the cat that makes
my sand sausage every morning.
Holy crap!
Give me the UPC codes, you.
Never!
[GASPS] Someone
after me funyuns.
[CHUCKLING]
[SHOTGUN BLAST]
Toots, you better get
your greasy hooves
off that midget. No means no.
You stupid bitch!
He's trying to kill me!
[GASPS] Oh, lordy.
[WHIMPERS]
Uhh!
Who the hell sent you?
They'll be puttin'
pennies on me eyes
before I tell you that
Frankenberry sent me
and that the final UPC is
hidden in General Mills' tomb.
Ooh. I wasn't
supposed to say that.
Time for me cyanide
marshmallows.
There's one in every box.
Try to find 'em, kids.
[BAGPIPE PLAYS]
Now do you believe me, Foxxy?
I sure do.
We gots to go to Mr.
General Mills' tomb.
[WOLF HOWLING]
[GASPS] Somebody comin'.
Aw, man, those
things are so racist.
I mean, what kind of sick
weirdo would buy one of those?
Seriously.
So, you wanna go
diddle the new corpse?
Yeah, as long as she ain't black.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
CHOIR: ♪♪ Amen ♪♪
[WOLF HOWLS]
There it go,
General Mill tomb.
Only the worthy may enter.
Aah! Yaah!
To get to the final UPC,
you must answer these questions.
But beware. If you
answer incorrectly,
y'all end up like them.
[THUNDER]
I feel bad we got it wrong.
Well, you live and learn.
How delicious is
a bowl of Franken…
Berry Cereal?
[WHISPERING]
Jodeci.
[WHISPERING]
Foxxy got this.
We gonna go with
berry delicious.
Show me "berry delicious."
[BONG]
[APPLAUSE]
You are worthy.
There's General Mills!
Damn! I ain't seen a general
that ashy since Colin Powell.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Be careful of this one.
He's a little clingy.
[WHOOSH]
That's the final UPC.
We got it.
Now what?
Yaah! Yaah!
Send in all 5 UPC symbols and
receive the secret mystery prize.
Duuuh.
No purchase necessary.
Void where prohibited.
Free housebreaking wee-wee
pads with each purpose. Bluuh.
Come on. We gots to send 'em in
before the Frankelberry stop us.
Thank you, General Mills.
I'll always remember
the good times.
♪♪ Good times ♪♪
♪♪ Any time you
meet a payment ♪♪
♪♪ Good times ♪♪
♪♪ Any time you meet a friend ♪♪
♪♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em? ♪♪
♪♪ Good times ♪♪
[VOCALISING]
Oh, drat.
We must kill Toot
before she mails in the UPCs.
WOOLDOOR: Kill Toot?!
Why would you wanna
kill my fattest friend?
If your friend manages to
send in those UPC codes,
she'll have the power
to take away your fame,
your money, your crunch berries.
But I need that to relax!
That's why I need your help.
Anything! Good. Wooldoor,
now, you know this
Toots intimately.
If she had to mail something,
where would she go?
The post office?
Yes, of course. The post office.
[SNAPS]
You've done well and
deserve to be rewarded.
You get to watch me
fuck this filthy whore
and fuck her good.
Oh, cup the balls.
Work the shaft.
Aim for her cocoa
puffs, Frankie.
They'll never expect us to
be mailing the UPC codes
from the post office.
[GASPS]
[GASPS] Soggies!
[MUSIC SIMILAR TO THE
MATRIX RELOADED PLAYING]
You better strap
your fat ass in.
I'm goin' up.
Ooh. This is hot.
Let's touch dicks.
[ZIP, THUD]
[GAGS]
Pussy!
I'm gonna jump for it!
[CHAMBERS ROUND]
[CHOIR SINGING]
[MUSIC STOPS]
[WHISTLING]
[CREAK]
At last.
[ROUNDS CHAMBER]
Aah! Yaah!
[ACCENT] You cheat, Dr. Jones.
Tear it open.
That's it? A crappy
piece of plastic?
They always look a lot more able
to bring down the cereal
empire on the box.
[BEEPS]
Africa?
I don't even know
what's gonna happen,
and I'm already offended.
How the hell are we
gonna get to Africa?
Ting Tao, Doctah Jones.
Ring-ring potea Mo
nanankora short round.
♪♪ Now is the time ♪♪
♪♪ Now is the best time ♪♪
♪♪ Now is the best
time of your life ♪♪
Come on, guys. That way.
Oh, my gosh.
American cereals are
mined by child slaves.
Dig 'em.
I said dig 'em.
Mine!
Ohh. You can really
taste the suffering.
We got to free
them child slaves.
Gas, grass, or ass.
So now you know the truth.
That's bad news for you,
berry bad.
Usin' po' innocent
chil'ren for slave labour.
Well, that's more shameful
than our government's
refusal to sign
the Kyoto protocol.
Uh, I mean, blackety, black,
black, stereotype black.
You happy?
Oh, get over it.
Everything good in America comes
at the expense of
third-world children,
even this insipid cartoon.
Without them, Drawn Together
would look like this.
Sweet.
Now I can eat anything I want.
Now I grow weary
of this nonsense.
As do I, master.
Wooldorf.
Wooldorf is dead.
I am Wooldenberry Frankbat.
[ALL GASP]
Oh, retrieve the toy
and bring it to me so I can
destroy it once and for all.
As you wish.
Ow!
Don't give it to him,
Wooldenberry Frankbot.
You became a cereal
mascot to make kids happy,
not to make them slaves.
They're going to destroy the
cereal empire and your new life.
[WHIMPERS]
Nnn.
Hmm…
Here, my lord.
What the?
Toot, catch!
WOOLDOOR: Unh!
What the hell am I
supposed to do with this?
BOY: If you want to release us,
you have to use the toy
to turn the honeycomb,
and it's big.
KIDS: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It ain't small.
No, no, no.
Wait! Toot!
If you stop what you're doing,
I'll give you anything you want,
even your own cereal.
It is a touching offer and
clearly in my best interest,
but I'm far too vindictive,
so fuck you, ass bags!
No! No!
[CHEERING]
That takes care of tha…
[SQUELCH]
Oh, lordy, I'll
be the first girl
killed by a big, fat marshmallow
since the chappaquiddick.
Ooh! Wha…
Aah!
[YELLING]
The mine is collapsing!
We're all gonna die!
Quick. I know a shortcut.
♪♪ Now is the time ♪♪
♪♪ Now is the best time ♪♪
♪♪ Now is the best
time of your life ♪♪
KIDS: Yay!
On behalf of all the children,
I would like to thank you for
freeing us from the cereal mines.
OK. What will our new jobs be?
What you talkin'
'bout, child slave?
Well, we were making
3 cents an hour,
which made us the
richest people in Africa.
Oh, dip. Our
families will starve.
[KIDS CRYING]
Guys, I guess I lost my way.
Thanks for giving an
old Sockbat like me
a second chance.
Yep, and I brought down
the cereal industry.
Now to tackle those
breakfast burrito jackasses.
BOY: Oh, dip.
CHORUS: ♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hal-le-lujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hal-le-lujah ♪♪
♪♪ For the lord
god omnipotent ♪♪
♪♪ Reigneth ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ For the lord
god omnipotent ♪♪
♪♪ Reigneth ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
MEN: ♪♪ Hallelujah,
hallelujah ♪♪
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
[VOCALISING]
[BOOM]