Drawn Together (2004–2007): Season 2, Episode 15 - The Drawn Together Clip Show - full transcript
The house-mates arrive at a big reunion show hosted by the Producer, with many of the show's secondary characters in the audience. During the show, 'best-of' clips are run, naming the show's most romantic moment, most racist moment, most disturbing moment, and so on. Throughout the show, the Producer reminds the house-mates that at the end he will announce the winner of the big prize.
ANNOUNCER: Tonight on the
season finale of Drawn Together,
prepare yourselves for the most
important 3 hours of your pathetic lives,
in 3-d.
Housemates, this season
you were all told
to expect the unexpected.
Well, tonight we will reveal
which one of you will
be crowned winner of...
All right, all right.
Settle down.
Please, everyone, quiet down.
I said shut the fuck up!
Um, so, uh,
maybe we should just
meet this year's cast.
So, cast, what you doing?
Same ol' same ol'.
What's up with you?
Oh, just hosting
the season finale.
How's that going?
Oh, not too well.
I shot someone.
Uh, now, before we
announce this year's winner
of Drawn Together,
in 3-d,
let's take a look
at the past season
and pay our respects to
all the Korean children
who died drawing
this insipid cartoon.
Well, that really
sucked ass, huh?
Wait. Speaking of which,
Xandir, as it turns
out, you're gay.
[AUDIENCE JEERING]
Boo!
You know what's really gay?
Romance.
And there was plenty of that
in the Drawn Together house.
Let's watch.
How does that feel?
Oh, Captain Hero.
Yes, Wooldoor?
I want you inside me.
Class dismissed.
Oh, Tim, you're such a stitch.
You're so much more
fun than Captain Hero.
"Oh, look at me.
"I'm a big, dumb superhero
who's big and dumb.
Now I'm fondling a girl.
Oopsy. She's dead."
You did not just do that.
It unsnaps in the front.
Captain Hero, gay rumour has it
your relationship with
Xandir has continued
since the show ended.
Oh, you've got it all wrong.
Xandir had an affair with
Tim Thomasen, not me.
Oh, fine. I'll prove it. Tim!
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
Tim, I thought you loved me.
Why would he love you
when he could have all this?
Those aren't real.
Check these out.
Whoo! Whoo!
AUDIENCE: Jewy! Jewy!
Jewy! Jewy!
When we return,
we will see some more stuff
that you've already seen.
But before we cut to commercial,
let's watch
as Captain Hero
loses his virginity.
Oh!
Ohhh! Ooh!
Ah-ah! Ah-ah!
Ohh! Ohh! Huh?
Leave me alone. Leave me alone!
[SOBBING]
Mommy.
I'm home.
[APPLAUSE]
Ah. You're just gonna
leave that there.
Bitch, pick it up.
Fuck you, fatty foopa.
Pick it up or I'm
sending you back to hell.
All right, Toot,
drop your weapon.
No, you drop it.
Nobody holds a gun to my girl...
But me.
All right! Let's
fucking do this!
I'm not afraid to die.
Welcome back, everyone,
to the season finale
of Drawn Together.
So, guys, who here thinks Toot
is a fatty, fatty fat fat?
Ooh! Me! I do!
I thought she was fat
before anyone else.
What? Really?
How come you guys never
made mention of this before?
Oh, they have.
You've also been referred
to as "a horrible bitch."
Let's take a look.
[SHIP'S HORN BLARES]
Of course Xandir's gay.
Why else wouldn't he be
attracted to all this?
'Cause you're fat, and
nobody likes fat chicks.
Whee!
So fine. If I can't
be the sex symbol,
I can definitely be the bitch.
♪ Ahhhhhh ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
I'll cut you, goddamn it!
I'll cut you!
Ahh.
[CROWING]
Mommy's home!
[SQUISHING]
Ugh!
Hey, who threw up in here?
And where have you been
all night, mommy fattest?
I don't know. I don't
know where I am now.
But wherever I am,
somebody threw up everywhere.
You guys edited it like
that to make me look bad.
Toot's right.
Our talented editors can take just
about any raw footage like this...
And through the magic of editing
turn it into
something like this.
Voilk.
That wasn't part of the plan.
We agreed no one would get hurt.
Holy shit! Bob the
cucumber's gone crazy!
Is this crazy?
No! Please!
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Aah!
Pasta fagioli!
That I was fat
and guys aren't...
What the hell. Aah!
Aah!
Please, don't kill me.
I don't wanna die.
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
[GUNSHOT]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
We'll be right back.
But first, let's take a look at what
happens when the writers get really stoned.
[GASPS]
Ohhh!
Ohhh!
Yep, yep. Rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr.
Ringggg, ringggg.
Ringggg.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Ringggg, ringggg.
First, Foxxy sets the mood.
And sometimes a little exotic
food play spices things up.
[SIZZLING]
Ooh! Yeah, that thing's
finger fuckin' good.
Keep it going.
And sometimes the
Foxxy lose herself
in a little
role-playing fantasy.
Oh, yeah, frank.
That's the spot.
And then Foxxy
brings it all home
by using a little bit of force.
Ohh! Ohh! Oh, daddy!
La la la la la la la!
Huh?
Welcome back. Now, Foxxy...
Hey, y'all.
It says here you're black.
Yes, you did.
How do you handle all
the racism in the house?
The thing you gots to understand, Mr.
Jew producer,
is that my roommates
ain't racist.
In fact, I find the
program as a whole
to be a scathing satire
of contemporary mores.
OK, shorty, you "axed" for it.
Let's take a look at some
of these satirical moments.
Oh, hello. I'm glad
you're finally here.
Would you be a dear and
fetch my bags, servant girl.
It's just some near-sighted
Armenian woman.
I thought those
people picked banjos.
I'll sue you for every penny.
[CHANTING]
Ah-so.
I love racism.
I don't speak blackanese.
It ain't yo' funyons.
Get away from that well, Hebrew.
Who don't say "craps"?
Go to college, paco.
Ooh, I like the black one.
I got to get some
lottery tickets.
Good oriental.
"R." "R."
Great goobly-moo. Ooh,
we could shine shoes.
"R." "R."
"R."
[GUNSHOT]
Ah!
Welcome, Miss love.
Who do you think you is?
I is the board of education.
Holy crap! You from the
schoolhouse rock gang.
Now that you've been captured,
it's safe to tell you our plan.
♪ I am the board of education ♪
♪ I'm here to serve the
interests of our nation ♪
♪ But keeping kids learning
doesn't fetch much of an earning ♪
♪ So to make some decent money ♪
♪ Something had to be done ♪
Being the genius that I am,
I combine 2 time-honoured American
methods of achieving wealth...
Selling stupid stuff to suckers
and exploiting the black man.
♪ Now we make countless millions
off the worthless crap ♪
♪ The black folks buy ♪
♪ From their very
first gold Tooth ♪
♪ Down to their
pimped-out rides ♪
♪ Huge medallions, tacky bling ♪
♪ No one would
buy those things ♪
♪ Unless there was a way
to keep 'em gullibly dumb ♪
♪ So we keep them
out of college ♪
♪ It's what needs to be done ♪
So you see why we can't let
blacks pass the S.A.T.S.
No educated person
would spend money
on gold rims, purple
leather seats,
and flip-down LCD
screens for $3,000 geos.
Just when you thought racism
couldn't get any more racism-er.
Screw that more.
All y'all is racist.
I'm off to south
Africa, motherfuckers.
We're seconds away from
announcing the winner.
But first, Wooldoor Sockbat,
you're a wacky little guy.
[RATTLING]
How did it feel to live in
front of over 1,200 viewers?
What do you mean?
You been living in front
of all these cameras.
Cameras?
Holy crap.
I'm supposed to be in the
witness protection program.
Good-bye!
While Wooldoor
plummets to his death,
let's watch some of
Wooldoor's wackiest moments.
If anybody needs me, I'll
be in the clock tower.
[APPLAUSE]
What is it, doc? Give
it to us straight.
My dear housemates,
I'm afraid Foxxy love does
not have a brain tumour.
[ALL EXHALE]
Yes. Yes. I, too,
would be relieved
if it didn't happen
to be opposite day.
So wait a minute. I'm confused.
Does Foxxy have a brain tumour?
No.
[MUSIC STING]
What the hell.
Is it opposite day or
dramatic music sting day?
Neither.
[MUSIC STING]
We're seconds away from
announcing the winner.
But first, let's take a break.
And as we do,
watch some of the most
exciting musical moments
of the past season.
CLARA: ♪ what is this
thing in my mouth? ♪
♪ It's slippery and it's slimy ♪
♪ Travelling down ♪
♪ My slender virgin ♪
♪ Pink oesophagus ♪
♪ Some black chick's tongue ♪
♪ It's such a new sensation ♪
FOXXY: ♪ I got a mayonnaise
mama on my licking hole ♪
♪ And we've only just begun ♪
[SINGING IN JAPANESE]
♪ Bullies are people
who hate themselves ♪
♪ Abused at age 6
or molested at 12 ♪
♪ So they pick on others ♪
♪ Isn't it odd? ♪
♪ La la la labia baby ♪
♪ You got something for me ♪
♪ In your whizzer sea ♪
♪ La la la labia baby ♪
♪ You got something for me ♪
♪ You're so sweet, P.T. ♪
♪ Oochie, goochie, gitchie,
gitchie, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Gotta snatch it, gonna catch
it, yatcha, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ God is watching
everything you do ♪
♪ When you get undressed
or take a shower ♪
♪ When you touch yourself
for hour after hour ♪
♪ God is watching
everything you do ♪
♪ And he thinks you're a
nasty, naughty nympho slut ♪
♪ You sinful, filthy
whore your going to hell ♪
♪ Your flesh will burn ♪
♪ Your bones will char, your
soul will be torn a-thunder. ♪
♪ You wretched heathen,
heretic, burn in hell ♪
For eternity.
So you better remember...
♪ God is watching
everything you do ♪
♪ Crunch it, crack it,
snack it, whack it ♪
♪ All that's left ♪
♪ His best friend couldn't
top an asphalt death ♪
♪ Hey, crashy smashy ♪
♪ Crash and die ♪
♪ Crash and die ♪
♪ Crash and die ♪
♪ Crash and die ♪
Coming up, we'll
announce the winner of...
Tell us where the lamp is,
you lousy lying piece of shit.
Lamp? I don't know what
you're talking about.
Listen, bitch. Tell
us where the lamp is
and maybe we talk to the D.A.
About extenuating circumstances.
Guys, guys, seriously, I don't
even know what a lamp is.
Fuck this shit.
I'm gonna off this glue-sniffing
cock sucker right fucking now.
I've seen him do it, man.
I'll talk! I'll talk!
Mary Lou?
Hey, Xandir's dad. What
happened to your eye?
Nothing, nothing.
What are you doing
out at this hour?
It's getting dark.
Play practice went
a little late.
Hop in. I'll give
you a ride home.
You like starship?
Who doesn't?
♪ We built this city ♪
Heater's broke. But
it's warm over here.
You can slide over
nice and close.
♪ We built this city
on rock and roll ♪
Mary Lou,
I don't know why my boy
ever broke up with you.
You sure are a
pretty little thing.
Why, thank you, Xandir's dad.
I know you've been
with lots of boys,
but have you ever
been with a man?
Mmm! Mmm!
Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
Ah, yeah.
You like my thumb,
don't you, bitch?
Well, let me show you
something almost as big.
[APPLAUSE]
And we're back.
Before we announce this year's
winner of Drawn Together,
let's bring out
last year's winner,
the honourable judge fudge.
[APPLAUSE]
So, judge fudge, have
you enjoyed the past year
as the winner of Drawn Together?
I haven't had time
to enjoy my crown.
I've been far too
busy being delicious.
♪ Judge fudge ♪
Fudge.
And now the moment you've
all been waiting for.
The winner of Drawn
Together is...
The winner is...
You,
the viewer.
Boo!
That sucks! We hate you!
Thank you all for coming.
And from all of us
here Drawn Together,
may god bless.
See you in October.
season finale of Drawn Together,
prepare yourselves for the most
important 3 hours of your pathetic lives,
in 3-d.
Housemates, this season
you were all told
to expect the unexpected.
Well, tonight we will reveal
which one of you will
be crowned winner of...
All right, all right.
Settle down.
Please, everyone, quiet down.
I said shut the fuck up!
Um, so, uh,
maybe we should just
meet this year's cast.
So, cast, what you doing?
Same ol' same ol'.
What's up with you?
Oh, just hosting
the season finale.
How's that going?
Oh, not too well.
I shot someone.
Uh, now, before we
announce this year's winner
of Drawn Together,
in 3-d,
let's take a look
at the past season
and pay our respects to
all the Korean children
who died drawing
this insipid cartoon.
Well, that really
sucked ass, huh?
Wait. Speaking of which,
Xandir, as it turns
out, you're gay.
[AUDIENCE JEERING]
Boo!
You know what's really gay?
Romance.
And there was plenty of that
in the Drawn Together house.
Let's watch.
How does that feel?
Oh, Captain Hero.
Yes, Wooldoor?
I want you inside me.
Class dismissed.
Oh, Tim, you're such a stitch.
You're so much more
fun than Captain Hero.
"Oh, look at me.
"I'm a big, dumb superhero
who's big and dumb.
Now I'm fondling a girl.
Oopsy. She's dead."
You did not just do that.
It unsnaps in the front.
Captain Hero, gay rumour has it
your relationship with
Xandir has continued
since the show ended.
Oh, you've got it all wrong.
Xandir had an affair with
Tim Thomasen, not me.
Oh, fine. I'll prove it. Tim!
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
Tim, I thought you loved me.
Why would he love you
when he could have all this?
Those aren't real.
Check these out.
Whoo! Whoo!
AUDIENCE: Jewy! Jewy!
Jewy! Jewy!
When we return,
we will see some more stuff
that you've already seen.
But before we cut to commercial,
let's watch
as Captain Hero
loses his virginity.
Oh!
Ohhh! Ooh!
Ah-ah! Ah-ah!
Ohh! Ohh! Huh?
Leave me alone. Leave me alone!
[SOBBING]
Mommy.
I'm home.
[APPLAUSE]
Ah. You're just gonna
leave that there.
Bitch, pick it up.
Fuck you, fatty foopa.
Pick it up or I'm
sending you back to hell.
All right, Toot,
drop your weapon.
No, you drop it.
Nobody holds a gun to my girl...
But me.
All right! Let's
fucking do this!
I'm not afraid to die.
Welcome back, everyone,
to the season finale
of Drawn Together.
So, guys, who here thinks Toot
is a fatty, fatty fat fat?
Ooh! Me! I do!
I thought she was fat
before anyone else.
What? Really?
How come you guys never
made mention of this before?
Oh, they have.
You've also been referred
to as "a horrible bitch."
Let's take a look.
[SHIP'S HORN BLARES]
Of course Xandir's gay.
Why else wouldn't he be
attracted to all this?
'Cause you're fat, and
nobody likes fat chicks.
Whee!
So fine. If I can't
be the sex symbol,
I can definitely be the bitch.
♪ Ahhhhhh ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
I'll cut you, goddamn it!
I'll cut you!
Ahh.
[CROWING]
Mommy's home!
[SQUISHING]
Ugh!
Hey, who threw up in here?
And where have you been
all night, mommy fattest?
I don't know. I don't
know where I am now.
But wherever I am,
somebody threw up everywhere.
You guys edited it like
that to make me look bad.
Toot's right.
Our talented editors can take just
about any raw footage like this...
And through the magic of editing
turn it into
something like this.
Voilk.
That wasn't part of the plan.
We agreed no one would get hurt.
Holy shit! Bob the
cucumber's gone crazy!
Is this crazy?
No! Please!
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Aah!
Pasta fagioli!
That I was fat
and guys aren't...
What the hell. Aah!
Aah!
Please, don't kill me.
I don't wanna die.
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
[GUNSHOT]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
We'll be right back.
But first, let's take a look at what
happens when the writers get really stoned.
[GASPS]
Ohhh!
Ohhh!
Yep, yep. Rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr.
Ringggg, ringggg.
Ringggg.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Ringggg, ringggg.
First, Foxxy sets the mood.
And sometimes a little exotic
food play spices things up.
[SIZZLING]
Ooh! Yeah, that thing's
finger fuckin' good.
Keep it going.
And sometimes the
Foxxy lose herself
in a little
role-playing fantasy.
Oh, yeah, frank.
That's the spot.
And then Foxxy
brings it all home
by using a little bit of force.
Ohh! Ohh! Oh, daddy!
La la la la la la la!
Huh?
Welcome back. Now, Foxxy...
Hey, y'all.
It says here you're black.
Yes, you did.
How do you handle all
the racism in the house?
The thing you gots to understand, Mr.
Jew producer,
is that my roommates
ain't racist.
In fact, I find the
program as a whole
to be a scathing satire
of contemporary mores.
OK, shorty, you "axed" for it.
Let's take a look at some
of these satirical moments.
Oh, hello. I'm glad
you're finally here.
Would you be a dear and
fetch my bags, servant girl.
It's just some near-sighted
Armenian woman.
I thought those
people picked banjos.
I'll sue you for every penny.
[CHANTING]
Ah-so.
I love racism.
I don't speak blackanese.
It ain't yo' funyons.
Get away from that well, Hebrew.
Who don't say "craps"?
Go to college, paco.
Ooh, I like the black one.
I got to get some
lottery tickets.
Good oriental.
"R." "R."
Great goobly-moo. Ooh,
we could shine shoes.
"R." "R."
"R."
[GUNSHOT]
Ah!
Welcome, Miss love.
Who do you think you is?
I is the board of education.
Holy crap! You from the
schoolhouse rock gang.
Now that you've been captured,
it's safe to tell you our plan.
♪ I am the board of education ♪
♪ I'm here to serve the
interests of our nation ♪
♪ But keeping kids learning
doesn't fetch much of an earning ♪
♪ So to make some decent money ♪
♪ Something had to be done ♪
Being the genius that I am,
I combine 2 time-honoured American
methods of achieving wealth...
Selling stupid stuff to suckers
and exploiting the black man.
♪ Now we make countless millions
off the worthless crap ♪
♪ The black folks buy ♪
♪ From their very
first gold Tooth ♪
♪ Down to their
pimped-out rides ♪
♪ Huge medallions, tacky bling ♪
♪ No one would
buy those things ♪
♪ Unless there was a way
to keep 'em gullibly dumb ♪
♪ So we keep them
out of college ♪
♪ It's what needs to be done ♪
So you see why we can't let
blacks pass the S.A.T.S.
No educated person
would spend money
on gold rims, purple
leather seats,
and flip-down LCD
screens for $3,000 geos.
Just when you thought racism
couldn't get any more racism-er.
Screw that more.
All y'all is racist.
I'm off to south
Africa, motherfuckers.
We're seconds away from
announcing the winner.
But first, Wooldoor Sockbat,
you're a wacky little guy.
[RATTLING]
How did it feel to live in
front of over 1,200 viewers?
What do you mean?
You been living in front
of all these cameras.
Cameras?
Holy crap.
I'm supposed to be in the
witness protection program.
Good-bye!
While Wooldoor
plummets to his death,
let's watch some of
Wooldoor's wackiest moments.
If anybody needs me, I'll
be in the clock tower.
[APPLAUSE]
What is it, doc? Give
it to us straight.
My dear housemates,
I'm afraid Foxxy love does
not have a brain tumour.
[ALL EXHALE]
Yes. Yes. I, too,
would be relieved
if it didn't happen
to be opposite day.
So wait a minute. I'm confused.
Does Foxxy have a brain tumour?
No.
[MUSIC STING]
What the hell.
Is it opposite day or
dramatic music sting day?
Neither.
[MUSIC STING]
We're seconds away from
announcing the winner.
But first, let's take a break.
And as we do,
watch some of the most
exciting musical moments
of the past season.
CLARA: ♪ what is this
thing in my mouth? ♪
♪ It's slippery and it's slimy ♪
♪ Travelling down ♪
♪ My slender virgin ♪
♪ Pink oesophagus ♪
♪ Some black chick's tongue ♪
♪ It's such a new sensation ♪
FOXXY: ♪ I got a mayonnaise
mama on my licking hole ♪
♪ And we've only just begun ♪
[SINGING IN JAPANESE]
♪ Bullies are people
who hate themselves ♪
♪ Abused at age 6
or molested at 12 ♪
♪ So they pick on others ♪
♪ Isn't it odd? ♪
♪ La la la labia baby ♪
♪ You got something for me ♪
♪ In your whizzer sea ♪
♪ La la la labia baby ♪
♪ You got something for me ♪
♪ You're so sweet, P.T. ♪
♪ Oochie, goochie, gitchie,
gitchie, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Gotta snatch it, gonna catch
it, yatcha, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ God is watching
everything you do ♪
♪ When you get undressed
or take a shower ♪
♪ When you touch yourself
for hour after hour ♪
♪ God is watching
everything you do ♪
♪ And he thinks you're a
nasty, naughty nympho slut ♪
♪ You sinful, filthy
whore your going to hell ♪
♪ Your flesh will burn ♪
♪ Your bones will char, your
soul will be torn a-thunder. ♪
♪ You wretched heathen,
heretic, burn in hell ♪
For eternity.
So you better remember...
♪ God is watching
everything you do ♪
♪ Crunch it, crack it,
snack it, whack it ♪
♪ All that's left ♪
♪ His best friend couldn't
top an asphalt death ♪
♪ Hey, crashy smashy ♪
♪ Crash and die ♪
♪ Crash and die ♪
♪ Crash and die ♪
♪ Crash and die ♪
Coming up, we'll
announce the winner of...
Tell us where the lamp is,
you lousy lying piece of shit.
Lamp? I don't know what
you're talking about.
Listen, bitch. Tell
us where the lamp is
and maybe we talk to the D.A.
About extenuating circumstances.
Guys, guys, seriously, I don't
even know what a lamp is.
Fuck this shit.
I'm gonna off this glue-sniffing
cock sucker right fucking now.
I've seen him do it, man.
I'll talk! I'll talk!
Mary Lou?
Hey, Xandir's dad. What
happened to your eye?
Nothing, nothing.
What are you doing
out at this hour?
It's getting dark.
Play practice went
a little late.
Hop in. I'll give
you a ride home.
You like starship?
Who doesn't?
♪ We built this city ♪
Heater's broke. But
it's warm over here.
You can slide over
nice and close.
♪ We built this city
on rock and roll ♪
Mary Lou,
I don't know why my boy
ever broke up with you.
You sure are a
pretty little thing.
Why, thank you, Xandir's dad.
I know you've been
with lots of boys,
but have you ever
been with a man?
Mmm! Mmm!
Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
Ah, yeah.
You like my thumb,
don't you, bitch?
Well, let me show you
something almost as big.
[APPLAUSE]
And we're back.
Before we announce this year's
winner of Drawn Together,
let's bring out
last year's winner,
the honourable judge fudge.
[APPLAUSE]
So, judge fudge, have
you enjoyed the past year
as the winner of Drawn Together?
I haven't had time
to enjoy my crown.
I've been far too
busy being delicious.
♪ Judge fudge ♪
Fudge.
And now the moment you've
all been waiting for.
The winner of Drawn
Together is...
The winner is...
You,
the viewer.
Boo!
That sucks! We hate you!
Thank you all for coming.
And from all of us
here Drawn Together,
may god bless.
See you in October.