Doom Patrol (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 7 - Episode #3.7 - full transcript
Whoo!
Little Victor Stone.
The last time I saw you,
you were about this tall.
Sitting in the corner of
Elinore's office,
playing quietly with
your Superman doll.
You probably don't
remember me.
That was a lifetime ago.
Yeah, I worked with your mom
at S.T.A.R. for years.
She was an incredible woman.
Why'd you leave?
Well, after 9/11,
S.T.A.R. doubled down
on weapons programs.
I wanted to heal people,
not arm them.
Hmm.
It's a shame how many of
my clients were disfigured by
S.T.A.R.-developed weapons.
So, what can I do for you, Vic?
I heard about synthetic skin,
and I wonder if that might be
an option for me.
Well, that's definitely not
what I expected you to say.
But may I?
Of course.
I have to admit...
I was surprised when Silas
chose the Cyborg tech for you,
instead of coming to me.
I mean, you were just
such a happy kid.
My God, Silas really is
a magician, isn't he?
I mean, an internal
battery-powered
mechanokinetic
pulse cannon. I...
What's the total output?
10,000 volts?
25.
Whoa.
Yeah, I can liquify
an armored truck in
under three seconds.
Wow.
Well...
Okay.
Unsurprisingly,
the physiological integration
of your tech
is incredibly extensive.
To safely introduce
a SynthSkin exodermis,
your Cyborg tech would have
to be completely removed.
Even Grid?
Obviously,
your artificial organs
and structural prosthetics
would have to stay,
but anything that requires
more energy than you get
from a burrito? Gotta go.
What if I wanted to do it?
How soon could you...
Good news there.
Your biotech interfaces
are almost entirely
nanotechnological,
which makes extraction
largely a matter of code.
So, this could be
an overnight procedure.
But this isn't a decision
you should take lightly.
Have you talked
with your father about this?
My mom
would want this for me.
That's the only thing
I care about.
That's fair.
I just...
We urge all of our clients
to talk this through
with a loved one.
Believe me, this will be
a lot easier with someone
by your side.
My fucking records?
Which ones?
Uh, well, I sold them as a lot.
So, all of them?
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
You don't understand.
They had a special edition
Chipmunk Master keychain
you could get for just
15,000 acorns
and I was almost there
when I lost it all
on a double-or-nothing Nut Jump
against Mr. Fox
even though Ginger told me
not to trust Mr. Fox!
Huh?
What?
There's something weird
going on with you.
No, there isn't.
There's something weird
going on with you.
After you get my fucking
records back, you're gonna--
Jane?
Oh, fuck. I got this.
I took a Heimlich
course in '87.
Had to bone the instructor
to pass but I remember
the basics.
What the fuck?
Oh, you got the prize!
It's those Dada freaks.
What the fuck?
Holy shit on a shingle.
There is something
weird going on.
Of course
there's something going on,
you guileless golem.
They are coming for us.
We must rally
to defend the castle.
Cliff, seal the doors,
the windows
and the motherfucking
fireplaces.
Why are you even still here?
We had a deal.
We did your little spy mission.
Now, why don't you
get the fuck out
and take your dumb quirks
and your fucking stupid
magic tricks with you.
Yeah.
Yeah,
we have bigger problems--
You have bigger problems.
Not us.
I assure you that this
is everyone's problem.
Look, Curly.
When something wants to get us,
it usually finds
a way to get us.
No use trying to stop it.
Now you, get your laptop.
We're getting
my records back, you fuck.
What's the big deal?
They weren't even
worth that much.
We've got to seal
these windows.
Now, your Cher workout tapes,
on the other hand...
My what?
Um...
Oh, no, you didn't.
You sold my Cher workout tapes?
Let me explain.
Um...
What? No.
Wait, no, no,
I'm still not-- Flit!
Shit, shit.
Dad, what are you doing here?
Uh...
Hey, here I am.
Surprise extended
Grandpa visit.
Whoo-hoo!
Hey.
Did you get help with your--
Oh, the Parkie?
Yeah, that's all taken care of.
Got some pills. And let me
tell you, those babies work
like gangbusters.
See?
Steady as a rock.
Good.
I... I've been eyeing
the Bureau
since my cousin Paige
came on here.
He's... he's a meta, too.
Worked in comms
until the Big One.
Did you know him?
Anyway, Paige didn't
make it back fully intact.
So, I figured I'd wait for
the war to be good and over.
The war is never over.
So tell me, who are you?
Who am I? I'm, uh...
I'm... I'm Wally Sage, ma'am.
I just told you--
What are you?
Ah, I see. A test.
Very sneaky, ma'am.
Uh... What am I, huh?
Um...
Well, I guess, probably...
I don't know
what you'd call it.
Probably easier
if I just show you.
Hmm.
Fascinating.
Can you apply this ability
to, say... artillery?
Uh, sure, I guess. But...
I came in to see about
the marketing position.
Well, you will be very useful.
Weapon.
Thank you.
Laura...
he was just a boy.
Wars don't fight themselves.
Is that all you have to say?
You used to look out
for kids like him.
Well, it's not the same
carefree world it was then,
is it?
We must make difficult
choices in order to keep
our country safe.
We're meeting at the Salon
tonight to workshop
a new piece.
We'd all love to see you.
"We all"?
Yes.
Holly, Malcolm, everyone.
We miss you.
Don't you miss making art
and expressing yourself?
You used to say
that it was your calling.
Well, I have
a higher calling now.
Yeah, I recall you
landing here with a calling.
Something about a time machine.
But you gave up on all that
when you found safety
in your little...
coterie, didn't you?
Laura...
it's your coterie, too.
I swear, if the Bureau could,
they'd make us forget that
we all had lives before--
Yes, well, don't worry.
I'll never forget.
Now send in the next recruit,
would you, on your way out?
Mm, let me guess. She said no.
You surprised?
I'm a little worried about her,
if I'm being honest.
Lately, she's just seems so--
Sour? Hmm.
She's been sour for 15 years.
It's her job.
That sort of work
just has to weigh
on a person's soul.
Yeah, if she still has one.
Malcolm.
She saved all of our souls
once upon a time.
Maybe it's our turn
to save hers.
Hmm.
Maybe you're right.
Larry?
Larry?
God.
It is 11:00 in the morning
and you're loafing about
on the floor.
My expectations with you people
truly could not be any lower
at this point.
But we are about to be
confronted by an inconceivably
dangerous threat.
And I need all
the help I can get.
Uh, fine. Fine.
Could you just...
Can you give me a minute?
God.
Um... what on earth is that?
It's just...
Well, it started as a tumor,
but then it, uh...
That came out of you?
Yes.
Out of your--
Out of my mouth, okay?
Yes. It's definitely alive.
Wow. A sentient tumor.
Fascinating.
Have you recently been exposed
to any abnormal atmospheres?
My entire life is
an abnormal atmosphere.
Do you mean the Afterlife?
The Negative Nebula?
I went to Costco for
the first time a few weeks ago.
Was that it?
No, the second one.
This Nebula. I think
that's your answer right there.
I mean, you're probably
dealing with some kind
of space parasite.
Really?
How can you be sure?
Well, what else could it be,
you bampot?
Okay. Okay.
Well, what should I do?
Oh, well,
let's use our brains here.
When one expels a living,
16-pound parasite
from one's body,
there is really only one
reasonable response.
Give it a name?
Jesus Christ almighty, no.
No, burn... Burn it. Burn it.
And meet me in the great room
when you've dealt with it.
Jesus Christ! You burn it.
You don't give it
a fucking name.
What's wrong, Kay?
Driller Bill says
you've been crying all day.
Someone...
Someone stole my bike.
It was right outside my door
when I went to bed
and when I woke up,
it was gone.
Okay, well,
maybe somebody
just borrowed it.
Did you ask--
They stole it!
Stop treating me
like I'm a stupid baby.
Okay.
Well, we'll just go up top
and get you a new bike.
And this time
we'll actually pay for it.
No, I don't wanna go up.
I never wanna go up again.
I don't know
if it's your ice-cold touch
or the hum
of your nutrient tank,
but he is never as relaxed
as when he's with you.
That's my grandpa
powers at work.
You remind me more and more
of Grandpa RJ, you know that?
You know what?
You guys deserve a real break.
Why don't I watch Rory
so you can go out?
Date night.
Out? I don't even know
what that means anymore.
Thanks, but we're good.
You know,
that sounds nice actually.
Are you serious?
Yeah. We'll just walk down
to Scooter Dog's,
grab an ice cream bar.
We'll be gone 20 minutes.
30, tops.
You won't regret this.
I'm gonna have the whole
place cleaned up and--
Here. Just in case,
for emergencies.
Uh...
Okay, cool.
I guess that's that.
Next time you go to space,
don't forget to wear
a spacesuit, Larry.
Oh.
Damn it.
Damn, damn, damn.
Hey. Hey,
you all right in there?
I couldn't just leave you
out here without giving
you a fighting chance.
I went back
and made you a...
I don't know what
space parasites eat,
but I figure everybody
likes a PB&J.
Here you go.
What the hell
is wrong with me?
Here. It's supposed to get
pretty chilly tonight.
Hey, look, there's nothing
to be afraid of.
I don't think.
Look, I don't know
what you want,
but you're better off
without me.
Just trust me on that.
Huh.
That can't be good.
I... S... S...
M... E...
"Miss..."
"Miss me"?
How the hell did you find me?
The super computer
in my head helped a little.
And what do you
and the super computer
in your head want?
I just wanted you to know,
you were right.
About what?
About me.
Look, everything's always been
so laid out for me.
I didn't even know
what was missing.
But I do now.
It's like, how can I help
people when there's this
barrier between us?
When they can't even relate
to me as a human being?
You're rambling, Vic.
What you trying to do?
Keep me on the line long enough
for your S.T.A.R. buddies
to come scoop me up?
No, no, you won't have to
worry about that anymore.
What's going on, Vic?
I think I might
have it taken out.
My tech.
All of it.
What?
Look, I just wanted you to know
because you were the one who--
What are you talking about?
What...
What happened to
wanting to be a hero?
But my tech
doesn't make me a hero.
Having an energy cannon fused
to my nervous system--
That's not what I meant.
We have our preferred methods,
but at the end of the day,
we want the same thing.
Change.
Now, I'm blasting through
the back door demanding it
while you're walking into
the lobby with a big,
dumb smile on your face,
talking about...
"Hi, I'm Cyborg.
Nice to meet ya."
But sometimes
change comes from the inside.
You taught me that.
I'm not giving up the fight.
I'll just have to find
another way.
You already have a way, Vic.
You can sign all the online
petitions that you want,
but when there is a guy
with an arm cannon
at the table,
you're going to want to listen
to what he has to say.
Wait. How is that
any different than a cop
demanding obedience
down the barrel of a gun?
Because we don't
want obedience.
All we want is justice.
I didn't ask for this, Roni.
None of us asked
for what we got.
Only thing that matters
is what we do once we got it.
But Cyborg isn't me.
I'm not happy like this.
Yeah, well, not all of us
can afford to prioritize
our happiness.
The fact is, you're a more
effective agent of change
as Cyborg than you are as Vic.
So what do you want?
Change?
Or do you want to happiness?
But you taught me
to trust myself,
and that's exactly
what I'm doing.
I thought you'd be happy
for me.
Roni?
You there?
Vic.
I'm losing you.
It's not safe to talk anyway.
Just...
Do what you gotta do.
And maybe I'll see you
on the other side.
All good. All good.
Everything's fine.
We have multiple reports
of an unprecedented fog
spreading over
the Eastern Seaboard.
In my 23 years
on the weather map,
I've never seen anything
like this--
Nope! No negativity today!
This is what I'm talking about.
Grandpa and Rory
just hanging out,
making memories
that'll last a lifetime.
Grandpa is not thinking
about anything at all.
Not about Ginger,
not about Chipmunks.
Don't worry, buddy.
Nothing your old g-pa
can't handle.
Oh, fuck!
Didn't think that through.
Hey.
We're back.
Oh, thank God...
I mean, oh, hey, back so soon?
Cliff, the burner is on high.
Oh, uh, I would have
caught that.
Well, you did catch it.
So it's all good.
It's fine. At least
you didn't burn the house down.
See that? We're building trust.
Yeah, I'm gonna put Rory down
for a nap.
Hey, did you hear
about this weird fog thing
rolling in?
Is that something
we should be concerned about?
Oh, that?
Don't even worry about it.
Big Papa Cliff will keep
his family safe.
Good.
I don't want you
running off already.
You just got here.
Yeah.
I'm gonna destroy
whatever thieving fuck took it.
I'm talking murder.
Who took the fucking bike, Doc?
Whoever took it, I hope
they threw it in the well.
I'm gonna fuck you up.
They will have
done us all a favor.
In case you haven't noticed,
Kay is staying put,
right where she belongs.
Because she's fucking
depressed,
not because she wants to.
I hate to point
the finger, Jane,
but you've opened
this can of worms
by allowing her to go up
in the first place.
She was fine.
She was lucky.
And if the girl's
going to be hurt,
it's better it be on our terms
than on theirs.
Don't you agree?
We were created for one thing,
it was to protect the girl.
If we can't even do that,
then maybe--
Who's protecting us, Jane?
Annihilation
is hot on my trail,
but God forbid any of them
should lift a finger to try
and help me.
Why should I lure it away
from this temple of torpor?
Because I am a good person,
that is why!
Tiptoe harem, purple and low.
Fuck!
Show yourselves!
Burning the midnight oil?
You know, if we had any sense,
we would be out celebrating.
I heard we set a new
recruitment record this week.
I set a recruitment record.
Twelfth week in a row,
actually.
Not bad, De Mille.
If numbers were the only thing
that mattered,
you'd be running
this joint by now.
Pace yourself, Willy.
Making enemies around here
won't advance you. Trust me.
Wait.
You don't think you have
what it takes
to be a leader
in this organization, do you?
Listen to me, you little hyena.
I have been a loyal
and industrious part
of the Bureau for 35 years
and I--
What about your little pals?
My little pals?
In the mailroom.
The stretchy one,
the living cyclone,
the invisible one.
All very powerful or so I hear.
And yet, every time
the reclassification window
comes around,
you decide to keep them
hidden in the basement.
Yes, well, they're not--
We are in the midst
of a meta-human arms race.
And it seems to me
that you are more worried
about protecting your friends
than you are about protecting
what is actually at risk.
The moral core
of our great nation.
I do my job well
and I do it
with acute moral integrity.
And the meta-humans
in question
are simply unsuited for war.
They're pacifists.
And what does that make you?
Those freaks are merely
an untapped resource.
And depending on
who you ask...
so are you.
My advice?
"Friend" is merely a nice word
for "opportunity."
And don't think for a second
that the big eye in the sky
isn't watching you.
If we could have
your attention.
Malcolm and I have been working
on something at home.
We're not sure where
we're going with it,
but perhaps it will help ignite
some creative juices, mm?
Oh, I see.
You have his face
and he has yours
because you're in love.
-Please kill me now.
Introducing
Skittish Apparition,
and The Shapeless Shape.
Plastic!
Tundra!
Gullible
pickling carousel!
Ah...
What the hell was that,
softshoe?
Ah! Well...
The newest thing
on Broadway.
Our thinking was that
a playful subversion
of cultural trends
could prove a fertile canvas
in which to examine
human frivolity.
Mm-hmm.
We're The Sisterhood of Dada.
We're artists.
Oh, that's a little harsh.
Here we go.
And every year
we vote against it.
Because it's too dangerous.
To make the world
a better place.
Since our inception,
there's been plague,
depression, Holocaust.
Just five years ago,
a world away,
our bombs vaporized
entire populations
where they stood.
And right here,
in our backyard,
my own people have been
subjected to horrors...
you can't even...
I can't even, man.
You know?
How are we doing?
We... Making the world
a better place.
We stood by and watched
the Bureau lurch from oddities
to normalcy,
guided by the very same
ideologies we claim to oppose.
We just kept our heads down.
For what?
A paycheck?
There's a word for what we are.
All of us.
Complicit.
Well, if that's not motivation
to make a big statement,
I don't know what is.
As Nietzsche once said,
"it takes chaos inside of us
to give birth
to the dancing star."
Hmm?
The Eternal Flagellation
would certainly be a big
middle finger to the Bureau,
wouldn't it?
But what about Laura?
She'll never go along with it,
and we'll be forcing her
to choose between us
and the Bureau.
All right.
You should start
to feel a little lightheaded.
That's normal.
Was that there before?
Hey.
So...
I found out what happened
to your bike.
Turns out somebody
just wanted to borrow it
and they lost it.
It was all a big mistake.
Nothing to be upset about.
We both know that's bullshit.
Kay?
You should have
seen me, Ginger.
Big Papa Cliff was Mr. Momming
the shit out of that kid.
Well, Big Papa,
you paid for 15 minutes.
You wanna talk about parenting,
or you wanna see my hoo-hah?
Well... maybe just a little--
Ow! Hey!
Vic! Oh, my God!
Are you okay?
Fuck me!
Oh, my God, Cliffie,
is it the meds again?
Do you want me
to call somebody?
No, don't call anybody.
It just needs to run its...
course!
Um...
What the fuck?
Whoa!
Where the fuck are we?
Welcome to, apparently,
my drug-filled fantasy sequence
or some shit.
Oh, my fucking God!
I'm actually here with you
metal-poisoned morons.
And I was in the middle
of something.
Can't let any more in.
Can't let the fog in.
Hey, what's up
with the foghorn?
How did you get inside?
What? I don't know.
The front door.
Did you seal it?
What? Why?
Why?
It's just a little--
Fuck!
Laura, you came.
I'll be damned!
Laura!
Guess what!
We're doing it, Laura.
We're finally doing
the Eternal Flagellation!
Yes!
Oh...
Um, can somebody
please tell me what
the hell is going on?
I know this place.
Is this Dada?
Are we doing Dada?
Laura...
I'll be damned.
How do I know this place?
They're pacifists.
We're finally doing
the Eternal Flagellation.
I wanted you all to know
how proud I am of you.
No matter how tough things got,
you stuck by each other.
No matter how far I drifted
away from you,
you kept me tethered.
I'll never forget that.
Don't apologize. Dance.
This is really dumb
but we actually
look pretty cool.
Is this what you were
so scared of, De Mille?
I've been to scarier dance
parties at church lock-ins.
God, that sounds
scary as fuck.
No, no.
No.
No! No, there's no
need for force.
They won't fight back.
They won't fight back.
They're pacifists.
Please...
Please!
How'd you do this?
Put them on their knees.
Ow!
What the-- God.
Well done, De Mille.
I've been looking forward
to this for years.
I'd like to personally
welcome you
to the Bureau's
Meta Weapons Division.
Finally promoted
out of the mail room.
You should be proud.
Go to hell.
We will never fight for you.
You're up, De Mille.
Weapon.
Weapon.
Wait a fucking minute.
Is this about you?
Weapon.
Is this like a flashback?
Weapon.
How could you do this to us?
We were a family.
Your...
Your country needs you.
So... on your knees, Bendy.
On your knees, Bendy.
On your knees!
Laura, stop this.
Malcolm!
Laura!
Rita?
She's ready.
What the fuck!
What's going on now?
Uh, I think we're
about to find out.
What the hell is that?
Laura,
you remember Malcolm?
You killed him.
Now you must set him free.
I didn't kill anyone.
Everything I did, I had
a damn good reason to do.
You told me the Sisterhood
of Dada was evil.
But the evil one was you.
No!
No, I am not evil.
It's true, Laura. You did this
and we suffered for 70 years.
Did unspeakable things
in service of a cause
we abhorred because of you.
You are wrong.
The whole world
was crumbling around us,
and all I cared about was you.
But I made an oath
to the Bureau and I--
We are offering you
a chance to atone. Take it!
I atoned that day...
by making useful agents of you.
Malcolm!
Bendy, wait!
It has to be Laura.
Laura!
Was that it? Was that
the Eternal Flatulation?
I don't get it.
I think it's flagellation.
That's what I said.
That... sounds bad. Is it bad?
Only if you are.
It's for the best.
So wait.
The dancing wasn't the thing?
Fuck!
Are we just gonna let them
get away with this?
What the...
Uh...
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Holy shit!
Did you see that?
So wait, is this
the Eternal Flatulation?
What the fuck!
To be honest,
I'm still high as--
Oh, God.
♪ Sweet
Sweet city woman ♪
♪ Oh, she's my
Sweet, sweet, sweet
Sweet city woman ♪
♪ Sweet
Sweet city woman ♪
♪ Oh, my
Sweet, sweet, sweet
Sweet city woman ♪
♪ Everybody ♪
♪ Sweet, sweet, sweet
Sweet city woman ♪
Little Victor Stone.
The last time I saw you,
you were about this tall.
Sitting in the corner of
Elinore's office,
playing quietly with
your Superman doll.
You probably don't
remember me.
That was a lifetime ago.
Yeah, I worked with your mom
at S.T.A.R. for years.
She was an incredible woman.
Why'd you leave?
Well, after 9/11,
S.T.A.R. doubled down
on weapons programs.
I wanted to heal people,
not arm them.
Hmm.
It's a shame how many of
my clients were disfigured by
S.T.A.R.-developed weapons.
So, what can I do for you, Vic?
I heard about synthetic skin,
and I wonder if that might be
an option for me.
Well, that's definitely not
what I expected you to say.
But may I?
Of course.
I have to admit...
I was surprised when Silas
chose the Cyborg tech for you,
instead of coming to me.
I mean, you were just
such a happy kid.
My God, Silas really is
a magician, isn't he?
I mean, an internal
battery-powered
mechanokinetic
pulse cannon. I...
What's the total output?
10,000 volts?
25.
Whoa.
Yeah, I can liquify
an armored truck in
under three seconds.
Wow.
Well...
Okay.
Unsurprisingly,
the physiological integration
of your tech
is incredibly extensive.
To safely introduce
a SynthSkin exodermis,
your Cyborg tech would have
to be completely removed.
Even Grid?
Obviously,
your artificial organs
and structural prosthetics
would have to stay,
but anything that requires
more energy than you get
from a burrito? Gotta go.
What if I wanted to do it?
How soon could you...
Good news there.
Your biotech interfaces
are almost entirely
nanotechnological,
which makes extraction
largely a matter of code.
So, this could be
an overnight procedure.
But this isn't a decision
you should take lightly.
Have you talked
with your father about this?
My mom
would want this for me.
That's the only thing
I care about.
That's fair.
I just...
We urge all of our clients
to talk this through
with a loved one.
Believe me, this will be
a lot easier with someone
by your side.
My fucking records?
Which ones?
Uh, well, I sold them as a lot.
So, all of them?
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
You don't understand.
They had a special edition
Chipmunk Master keychain
you could get for just
15,000 acorns
and I was almost there
when I lost it all
on a double-or-nothing Nut Jump
against Mr. Fox
even though Ginger told me
not to trust Mr. Fox!
Huh?
What?
There's something weird
going on with you.
No, there isn't.
There's something weird
going on with you.
After you get my fucking
records back, you're gonna--
Jane?
Oh, fuck. I got this.
I took a Heimlich
course in '87.
Had to bone the instructor
to pass but I remember
the basics.
What the fuck?
Oh, you got the prize!
It's those Dada freaks.
What the fuck?
Holy shit on a shingle.
There is something
weird going on.
Of course
there's something going on,
you guileless golem.
They are coming for us.
We must rally
to defend the castle.
Cliff, seal the doors,
the windows
and the motherfucking
fireplaces.
Why are you even still here?
We had a deal.
We did your little spy mission.
Now, why don't you
get the fuck out
and take your dumb quirks
and your fucking stupid
magic tricks with you.
Yeah.
Yeah,
we have bigger problems--
You have bigger problems.
Not us.
I assure you that this
is everyone's problem.
Look, Curly.
When something wants to get us,
it usually finds
a way to get us.
No use trying to stop it.
Now you, get your laptop.
We're getting
my records back, you fuck.
What's the big deal?
They weren't even
worth that much.
We've got to seal
these windows.
Now, your Cher workout tapes,
on the other hand...
My what?
Um...
Oh, no, you didn't.
You sold my Cher workout tapes?
Let me explain.
Um...
What? No.
Wait, no, no,
I'm still not-- Flit!
Shit, shit.
Dad, what are you doing here?
Uh...
Hey, here I am.
Surprise extended
Grandpa visit.
Whoo-hoo!
Hey.
Did you get help with your--
Oh, the Parkie?
Yeah, that's all taken care of.
Got some pills. And let me
tell you, those babies work
like gangbusters.
See?
Steady as a rock.
Good.
I... I've been eyeing
the Bureau
since my cousin Paige
came on here.
He's... he's a meta, too.
Worked in comms
until the Big One.
Did you know him?
Anyway, Paige didn't
make it back fully intact.
So, I figured I'd wait for
the war to be good and over.
The war is never over.
So tell me, who are you?
Who am I? I'm, uh...
I'm... I'm Wally Sage, ma'am.
I just told you--
What are you?
Ah, I see. A test.
Very sneaky, ma'am.
Uh... What am I, huh?
Um...
Well, I guess, probably...
I don't know
what you'd call it.
Probably easier
if I just show you.
Hmm.
Fascinating.
Can you apply this ability
to, say... artillery?
Uh, sure, I guess. But...
I came in to see about
the marketing position.
Well, you will be very useful.
Weapon.
Thank you.
Laura...
he was just a boy.
Wars don't fight themselves.
Is that all you have to say?
You used to look out
for kids like him.
Well, it's not the same
carefree world it was then,
is it?
We must make difficult
choices in order to keep
our country safe.
We're meeting at the Salon
tonight to workshop
a new piece.
We'd all love to see you.
"We all"?
Yes.
Holly, Malcolm, everyone.
We miss you.
Don't you miss making art
and expressing yourself?
You used to say
that it was your calling.
Well, I have
a higher calling now.
Yeah, I recall you
landing here with a calling.
Something about a time machine.
But you gave up on all that
when you found safety
in your little...
coterie, didn't you?
Laura...
it's your coterie, too.
I swear, if the Bureau could,
they'd make us forget that
we all had lives before--
Yes, well, don't worry.
I'll never forget.
Now send in the next recruit,
would you, on your way out?
Mm, let me guess. She said no.
You surprised?
I'm a little worried about her,
if I'm being honest.
Lately, she's just seems so--
Sour? Hmm.
She's been sour for 15 years.
It's her job.
That sort of work
just has to weigh
on a person's soul.
Yeah, if she still has one.
Malcolm.
She saved all of our souls
once upon a time.
Maybe it's our turn
to save hers.
Hmm.
Maybe you're right.
Larry?
Larry?
God.
It is 11:00 in the morning
and you're loafing about
on the floor.
My expectations with you people
truly could not be any lower
at this point.
But we are about to be
confronted by an inconceivably
dangerous threat.
And I need all
the help I can get.
Uh, fine. Fine.
Could you just...
Can you give me a minute?
God.
Um... what on earth is that?
It's just...
Well, it started as a tumor,
but then it, uh...
That came out of you?
Yes.
Out of your--
Out of my mouth, okay?
Yes. It's definitely alive.
Wow. A sentient tumor.
Fascinating.
Have you recently been exposed
to any abnormal atmospheres?
My entire life is
an abnormal atmosphere.
Do you mean the Afterlife?
The Negative Nebula?
I went to Costco for
the first time a few weeks ago.
Was that it?
No, the second one.
This Nebula. I think
that's your answer right there.
I mean, you're probably
dealing with some kind
of space parasite.
Really?
How can you be sure?
Well, what else could it be,
you bampot?
Okay. Okay.
Well, what should I do?
Oh, well,
let's use our brains here.
When one expels a living,
16-pound parasite
from one's body,
there is really only one
reasonable response.
Give it a name?
Jesus Christ almighty, no.
No, burn... Burn it. Burn it.
And meet me in the great room
when you've dealt with it.
Jesus Christ! You burn it.
You don't give it
a fucking name.
What's wrong, Kay?
Driller Bill says
you've been crying all day.
Someone...
Someone stole my bike.
It was right outside my door
when I went to bed
and when I woke up,
it was gone.
Okay, well,
maybe somebody
just borrowed it.
Did you ask--
They stole it!
Stop treating me
like I'm a stupid baby.
Okay.
Well, we'll just go up top
and get you a new bike.
And this time
we'll actually pay for it.
No, I don't wanna go up.
I never wanna go up again.
I don't know
if it's your ice-cold touch
or the hum
of your nutrient tank,
but he is never as relaxed
as when he's with you.
That's my grandpa
powers at work.
You remind me more and more
of Grandpa RJ, you know that?
You know what?
You guys deserve a real break.
Why don't I watch Rory
so you can go out?
Date night.
Out? I don't even know
what that means anymore.
Thanks, but we're good.
You know,
that sounds nice actually.
Are you serious?
Yeah. We'll just walk down
to Scooter Dog's,
grab an ice cream bar.
We'll be gone 20 minutes.
30, tops.
You won't regret this.
I'm gonna have the whole
place cleaned up and--
Here. Just in case,
for emergencies.
Uh...
Okay, cool.
I guess that's that.
Next time you go to space,
don't forget to wear
a spacesuit, Larry.
Oh.
Damn it.
Damn, damn, damn.
Hey. Hey,
you all right in there?
I couldn't just leave you
out here without giving
you a fighting chance.
I went back
and made you a...
I don't know what
space parasites eat,
but I figure everybody
likes a PB&J.
Here you go.
What the hell
is wrong with me?
Here. It's supposed to get
pretty chilly tonight.
Hey, look, there's nothing
to be afraid of.
I don't think.
Look, I don't know
what you want,
but you're better off
without me.
Just trust me on that.
Huh.
That can't be good.
I... S... S...
M... E...
"Miss..."
"Miss me"?
How the hell did you find me?
The super computer
in my head helped a little.
And what do you
and the super computer
in your head want?
I just wanted you to know,
you were right.
About what?
About me.
Look, everything's always been
so laid out for me.
I didn't even know
what was missing.
But I do now.
It's like, how can I help
people when there's this
barrier between us?
When they can't even relate
to me as a human being?
You're rambling, Vic.
What you trying to do?
Keep me on the line long enough
for your S.T.A.R. buddies
to come scoop me up?
No, no, you won't have to
worry about that anymore.
What's going on, Vic?
I think I might
have it taken out.
My tech.
All of it.
What?
Look, I just wanted you to know
because you were the one who--
What are you talking about?
What...
What happened to
wanting to be a hero?
But my tech
doesn't make me a hero.
Having an energy cannon fused
to my nervous system--
That's not what I meant.
We have our preferred methods,
but at the end of the day,
we want the same thing.
Change.
Now, I'm blasting through
the back door demanding it
while you're walking into
the lobby with a big,
dumb smile on your face,
talking about...
"Hi, I'm Cyborg.
Nice to meet ya."
But sometimes
change comes from the inside.
You taught me that.
I'm not giving up the fight.
I'll just have to find
another way.
You already have a way, Vic.
You can sign all the online
petitions that you want,
but when there is a guy
with an arm cannon
at the table,
you're going to want to listen
to what he has to say.
Wait. How is that
any different than a cop
demanding obedience
down the barrel of a gun?
Because we don't
want obedience.
All we want is justice.
I didn't ask for this, Roni.
None of us asked
for what we got.
Only thing that matters
is what we do once we got it.
But Cyborg isn't me.
I'm not happy like this.
Yeah, well, not all of us
can afford to prioritize
our happiness.
The fact is, you're a more
effective agent of change
as Cyborg than you are as Vic.
So what do you want?
Change?
Or do you want to happiness?
But you taught me
to trust myself,
and that's exactly
what I'm doing.
I thought you'd be happy
for me.
Roni?
You there?
Vic.
I'm losing you.
It's not safe to talk anyway.
Just...
Do what you gotta do.
And maybe I'll see you
on the other side.
All good. All good.
Everything's fine.
We have multiple reports
of an unprecedented fog
spreading over
the Eastern Seaboard.
In my 23 years
on the weather map,
I've never seen anything
like this--
Nope! No negativity today!
This is what I'm talking about.
Grandpa and Rory
just hanging out,
making memories
that'll last a lifetime.
Grandpa is not thinking
about anything at all.
Not about Ginger,
not about Chipmunks.
Don't worry, buddy.
Nothing your old g-pa
can't handle.
Oh, fuck!
Didn't think that through.
Hey.
We're back.
Oh, thank God...
I mean, oh, hey, back so soon?
Cliff, the burner is on high.
Oh, uh, I would have
caught that.
Well, you did catch it.
So it's all good.
It's fine. At least
you didn't burn the house down.
See that? We're building trust.
Yeah, I'm gonna put Rory down
for a nap.
Hey, did you hear
about this weird fog thing
rolling in?
Is that something
we should be concerned about?
Oh, that?
Don't even worry about it.
Big Papa Cliff will keep
his family safe.
Good.
I don't want you
running off already.
You just got here.
Yeah.
I'm gonna destroy
whatever thieving fuck took it.
I'm talking murder.
Who took the fucking bike, Doc?
Whoever took it, I hope
they threw it in the well.
I'm gonna fuck you up.
They will have
done us all a favor.
In case you haven't noticed,
Kay is staying put,
right where she belongs.
Because she's fucking
depressed,
not because she wants to.
I hate to point
the finger, Jane,
but you've opened
this can of worms
by allowing her to go up
in the first place.
She was fine.
She was lucky.
And if the girl's
going to be hurt,
it's better it be on our terms
than on theirs.
Don't you agree?
We were created for one thing,
it was to protect the girl.
If we can't even do that,
then maybe--
Who's protecting us, Jane?
Annihilation
is hot on my trail,
but God forbid any of them
should lift a finger to try
and help me.
Why should I lure it away
from this temple of torpor?
Because I am a good person,
that is why!
Tiptoe harem, purple and low.
Fuck!
Show yourselves!
Burning the midnight oil?
You know, if we had any sense,
we would be out celebrating.
I heard we set a new
recruitment record this week.
I set a recruitment record.
Twelfth week in a row,
actually.
Not bad, De Mille.
If numbers were the only thing
that mattered,
you'd be running
this joint by now.
Pace yourself, Willy.
Making enemies around here
won't advance you. Trust me.
Wait.
You don't think you have
what it takes
to be a leader
in this organization, do you?
Listen to me, you little hyena.
I have been a loyal
and industrious part
of the Bureau for 35 years
and I--
What about your little pals?
My little pals?
In the mailroom.
The stretchy one,
the living cyclone,
the invisible one.
All very powerful or so I hear.
And yet, every time
the reclassification window
comes around,
you decide to keep them
hidden in the basement.
Yes, well, they're not--
We are in the midst
of a meta-human arms race.
And it seems to me
that you are more worried
about protecting your friends
than you are about protecting
what is actually at risk.
The moral core
of our great nation.
I do my job well
and I do it
with acute moral integrity.
And the meta-humans
in question
are simply unsuited for war.
They're pacifists.
And what does that make you?
Those freaks are merely
an untapped resource.
And depending on
who you ask...
so are you.
My advice?
"Friend" is merely a nice word
for "opportunity."
And don't think for a second
that the big eye in the sky
isn't watching you.
If we could have
your attention.
Malcolm and I have been working
on something at home.
We're not sure where
we're going with it,
but perhaps it will help ignite
some creative juices, mm?
Oh, I see.
You have his face
and he has yours
because you're in love.
-Please kill me now.
Introducing
Skittish Apparition,
and The Shapeless Shape.
Plastic!
Tundra!
Gullible
pickling carousel!
Ah...
What the hell was that,
softshoe?
Ah! Well...
The newest thing
on Broadway.
Our thinking was that
a playful subversion
of cultural trends
could prove a fertile canvas
in which to examine
human frivolity.
Mm-hmm.
We're The Sisterhood of Dada.
We're artists.
Oh, that's a little harsh.
Here we go.
And every year
we vote against it.
Because it's too dangerous.
To make the world
a better place.
Since our inception,
there's been plague,
depression, Holocaust.
Just five years ago,
a world away,
our bombs vaporized
entire populations
where they stood.
And right here,
in our backyard,
my own people have been
subjected to horrors...
you can't even...
I can't even, man.
You know?
How are we doing?
We... Making the world
a better place.
We stood by and watched
the Bureau lurch from oddities
to normalcy,
guided by the very same
ideologies we claim to oppose.
We just kept our heads down.
For what?
A paycheck?
There's a word for what we are.
All of us.
Complicit.
Well, if that's not motivation
to make a big statement,
I don't know what is.
As Nietzsche once said,
"it takes chaos inside of us
to give birth
to the dancing star."
Hmm?
The Eternal Flagellation
would certainly be a big
middle finger to the Bureau,
wouldn't it?
But what about Laura?
She'll never go along with it,
and we'll be forcing her
to choose between us
and the Bureau.
All right.
You should start
to feel a little lightheaded.
That's normal.
Was that there before?
Hey.
So...
I found out what happened
to your bike.
Turns out somebody
just wanted to borrow it
and they lost it.
It was all a big mistake.
Nothing to be upset about.
We both know that's bullshit.
Kay?
You should have
seen me, Ginger.
Big Papa Cliff was Mr. Momming
the shit out of that kid.
Well, Big Papa,
you paid for 15 minutes.
You wanna talk about parenting,
or you wanna see my hoo-hah?
Well... maybe just a little--
Ow! Hey!
Vic! Oh, my God!
Are you okay?
Fuck me!
Oh, my God, Cliffie,
is it the meds again?
Do you want me
to call somebody?
No, don't call anybody.
It just needs to run its...
course!
Um...
What the fuck?
Whoa!
Where the fuck are we?
Welcome to, apparently,
my drug-filled fantasy sequence
or some shit.
Oh, my fucking God!
I'm actually here with you
metal-poisoned morons.
And I was in the middle
of something.
Can't let any more in.
Can't let the fog in.
Hey, what's up
with the foghorn?
How did you get inside?
What? I don't know.
The front door.
Did you seal it?
What? Why?
Why?
It's just a little--
Fuck!
Laura, you came.
I'll be damned!
Laura!
Guess what!
We're doing it, Laura.
We're finally doing
the Eternal Flagellation!
Yes!
Oh...
Um, can somebody
please tell me what
the hell is going on?
I know this place.
Is this Dada?
Are we doing Dada?
Laura...
I'll be damned.
How do I know this place?
They're pacifists.
We're finally doing
the Eternal Flagellation.
I wanted you all to know
how proud I am of you.
No matter how tough things got,
you stuck by each other.
No matter how far I drifted
away from you,
you kept me tethered.
I'll never forget that.
Don't apologize. Dance.
This is really dumb
but we actually
look pretty cool.
Is this what you were
so scared of, De Mille?
I've been to scarier dance
parties at church lock-ins.
God, that sounds
scary as fuck.
No, no.
No.
No! No, there's no
need for force.
They won't fight back.
They won't fight back.
They're pacifists.
Please...
Please!
How'd you do this?
Put them on their knees.
Ow!
What the-- God.
Well done, De Mille.
I've been looking forward
to this for years.
I'd like to personally
welcome you
to the Bureau's
Meta Weapons Division.
Finally promoted
out of the mail room.
You should be proud.
Go to hell.
We will never fight for you.
You're up, De Mille.
Weapon.
Weapon.
Wait a fucking minute.
Is this about you?
Weapon.
Is this like a flashback?
Weapon.
How could you do this to us?
We were a family.
Your...
Your country needs you.
So... on your knees, Bendy.
On your knees, Bendy.
On your knees!
Laura, stop this.
Malcolm!
Laura!
Rita?
She's ready.
What the fuck!
What's going on now?
Uh, I think we're
about to find out.
What the hell is that?
Laura,
you remember Malcolm?
You killed him.
Now you must set him free.
I didn't kill anyone.
Everything I did, I had
a damn good reason to do.
You told me the Sisterhood
of Dada was evil.
But the evil one was you.
No!
No, I am not evil.
It's true, Laura. You did this
and we suffered for 70 years.
Did unspeakable things
in service of a cause
we abhorred because of you.
You are wrong.
The whole world
was crumbling around us,
and all I cared about was you.
But I made an oath
to the Bureau and I--
We are offering you
a chance to atone. Take it!
I atoned that day...
by making useful agents of you.
Malcolm!
Bendy, wait!
It has to be Laura.
Laura!
Was that it? Was that
the Eternal Flatulation?
I don't get it.
I think it's flagellation.
That's what I said.
That... sounds bad. Is it bad?
Only if you are.
It's for the best.
So wait.
The dancing wasn't the thing?
Fuck!
Are we just gonna let them
get away with this?
What the...
Uh...
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Holy shit!
Did you see that?
So wait, is this
the Eternal Flatulation?
What the fuck!
To be honest,
I'm still high as--
Oh, God.
♪ Sweet
Sweet city woman ♪
♪ Oh, she's my
Sweet, sweet, sweet
Sweet city woman ♪
♪ Sweet
Sweet city woman ♪
♪ Oh, my
Sweet, sweet, sweet
Sweet city woman ♪
♪ Everybody ♪
♪ Sweet, sweet, sweet
Sweet city woman ♪