Doom Patrol (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Episode #2.1 - full transcript

Get out of my way!
I need a sprinkle.

But now, the putrid
little primate, you shelled out
your shekels to see,

All right, looks like
you're up, girly.

And here she comes now.

An hideous curiosity,

captured deep in the icy
Yukon wilderness,

where legends say...

she is the cursed progeny

of a witch
and a mountain beast.

Bestowed with gifts
most unnatural,

and born with looks
that will surely
stain your memories



for years to come.

The Ape-Faced Girl!

I got something else
long and sweet for you,
monkey girl.

Calm yourselves.

Calm yourselves,
ladies and gents.

There is much more to see,
of this I can promise you.

She just needs
a little darkness

to calm herself,
concentrate,

and conjure up
a very special
friend of hers.

Behold! An animal the likes
of which you have never
seen before.

A beast from
a time long forgotten.

I know you don't like it,

but it will be over quickly
if you behave.

A ferocious monster...



tethered to her

deranged mind!

We just have to do
as he says.

The Ape Girl's
gruesome pet...

No sudden movements

if you please,
ladies and gents,

for this is no tame
circus animal.

This is a true
wicked conjuring,

with teeth that can
rip through a human skull.

- Would you like to
watch him dance?

Give us a twirl.

Go on, now!

We'll be done soon.

I promise.

Around the other way!

What's wrong?

What are you doing?

Who are you looking at?

I said the other way!

- No!
- You will obey me!

You little cunt!

Control your animal!

Take it down!

Make stop.

Who is this?

Which one are you?

Help...

girl...

What do you mean?

Help us how?

Make wish.

What?

Ow!

Make wish.

I...

Save girl.

Girl...

Safe.

With sunrise,
another day begins.

So let's be ready
for today.

No wicked words,

no teeth,

no claws.

Only fun and laughs
and play.

Well, of course we can.

But first we have to say
good morning to
all our new friends.

Don't we?

You haven't
forgotten them, silly.
You can't have.

Oh, you're
being ridiculous.

All right, all right.

Let's see.

God dammit!

Tall as a house.
Mad as a lion.

Piece of shit!

The big funny tin man...

Mother... Ugh!

...with lots of
pretty fast cars.

Stupid bitch ass...
Fuck... God damn...

And lots and lots of
pretty words.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

And there's a sad girl...

who sings out
to the dark.

She doesn't
sing much anymore.

Well, she doesn't do much
of anything these days,
really.

Oh, and you must remember,

the boy hero.

That's right.

A proper superhero.

And last of all,

there's the fair princess.

She's got skin
made of rubber.

At least... that's what
I've been told.

But when she
smiles sometimes,

I think she might actually
be made of glass.

No, I'm not
scared of them.

Why would I be?

This is a special place.

It's where we belong now.

And this is who
we belong with.

Maybe we're not
all friends just yet...

but I just know
we will be eventually.

Someday we might even be
better than friends.

Maybe someday,
we'll be a family.

Perfect.

Rise and shine, everyone.

Rise and shine.

Must you wake us
every morning
with that bell?

It's so folksy.

No more bells
after today, Rita.

I promise.

It's ready?

Larry is completing
his final test
on the substance

as we speak.

And it's definitely
gonna work this time, right?

Unlike every other time?

All right, buddy.

No pressure...

but we're counting on you.

Anything?

Shit!

Shit, shit, shit!

Oh, God!

This is important.

The transformation could
prove to be very exhausting,

and could take up to
several hours.

Wait,
did you just say "hours"?

It's a very delicate
and intricate process.

The chemical needs time
to permeate each and every
cell of the body.

I'm no asshole
scientist with a God-complex
or anything,

but what about those of us
who don't have a body?

Well, my theory is that

the chemical
will interact with
carbon structures.

- Meaning--
- Nope,
not buying it.

What, you guys really think
he's just suddenly capable

of reversing this bullshit?

He's had days, weeks.

Nothing's happened,

and it sure as shit
ain't gonna happen today.

You don't know that.

Yeah, I do.

He's a shitty scientist.

Look around you, Vic.

We are his fucking
life's work.

What does that tell you?

You look here, you great big
steaming, reeking pile
of regurgitated--

Pancakes!

Thank God.

- I'm starving.
- Good. Breakfast.

We'll need our strength.

So everyone,
make sure you fuel up
before we begin.

Uh... Chief.

I called it.
I fucking called it!

Thank you, Larry!

Please, everybody sit down.

Let's sit down together.

Oh, boy.

Jane,
Baby Doll's favorite.

Extra syrup.

She's not hungry.

I'm sorry, Rita.

Do you think it might be time
to try something else?

If science isn't working,

maybe we should
look elsewhere.

After all, what happened
to us in that painting

wasn't completely
scientific.

Magic.

I'm not exactly overjoyed
at the thought of
seeing him either,

but Willoughby might
have an answer.

-No.
-At the very least,

he could point us
in the direction

of a book, or a boy,

-or a horsehead.
She seemed nice--
-No!

Look, I'm sorry, Rita,
but he can't help.

Not with this.

Fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck!

What are you doing?

Uh...
Nothing.

I know what you're up to.

You're going to
feed the rats.

- Sure.
- Can I come?

Nope.

Cheese delivery.

I know you want it,
motherfucker.

Come on.

Come on.

Squeak, squeak, motherfucker!

Oh, yeah!

You can't keep
doing this.

You see what's it's
doing to us, right?

Forgive me
if I don't want to deal,
Hammerhead.

We're stuck on a toy.

God, I could rip
your fucking face off!

It's not about we,
or you, or me.

It's about the girl.
It's about Kay.

Or have you fucking
forgotten that?

Fuck you.

Who did this?

Who did this?

Did I hurt you?

What the hell
are you doing in here?

Sorry. I was just
trying to help.

I saw it was stuck in
and it looked really painful.

So you just barge into
my personal space?

-I--
-You can't just walk in here
whenever you want.

Fuck.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to
blow up at you.

It's okay.

I know being
a grown-up is hard,

and sometimes
you have to yell to get
all the bad feelings out.

Yeah, well...

being a grown-up doesn't
give you a pass
on being an asshole.

Shush, you!

I know it's
a naughty word.

Who are you talking to?

Darling and Herschel.

-Who?
-My friends.

You can't see them right now,
because they're inside.

Just like your friends.

The ones inside
your head.

Dorothy?

Being a little busybody,
are we?

It's fine, we were just--

Why don't you
go out and play

and let Jane and I
have a little grown-up chat?

But Darling was
just saying that--

Just a moment,
sweetheart.

Okay.

What do you want?

Well, if you're gonna
get right to it...

I need the serum.

The one Josh Clay gave you.

I know you've been using it,
and I'm not here to lecture.

I just want it back...

for Dorothy.

For Dorothy?

To keep her safe.

That's why it was created
in the first place,

as a... safety net.

It's gone.

I used it all.

Right.

Jane...

if you need to
talk to someone,

or scream
and shout at someone,
as the case may be...

I want you to know
I'm here.

I'll always be here
for you.

Wow.

Part of me actually
wishes we were
back there, you know.

Where that didn't sound
like total bullshit.

Show's over, Chief.

You're not my friend.

You're just a scientist
who did fucked-up things
to a broken girl.

I don't think
I've seen your son
work harder on anything

in his entire life.

Is that right?

Gary, you ready
to show Dad
what you made?

Okay, bud.

Moment of truth.

Okay, wow!

Will you look at that!

It's an airplane.

Not just an airplane,
right, Gar?

It's the X-15.

Get out!

Hey!

Just like the one
Dad's flying into space.

Okay, let's see here.

Two wings, check.

Well, there's my cockpit.
Check.

Okay. How about you tell me
what this is, right here?

Okay, I guess you mean
this is the rocket engine,
huh?

Without this, Dad doesn't
go into space.

Which is why,

it's very important
to understand exactly
where it goes,

and why.

But I liked it
where it was.

Hold on a minute.

Just watch.

Does it really matter, Lar?

I don't know, Cheryl.

Do you want your
husband's plane to break
the Earth's atmosphere,

or break into
a million pieces?

Tell you what.

Go fetch some cardboard,
some scissors.
We'll start over.

You and me.

It was a present

to show how proud
he was of his dad.

And now his dad
is gonna teach him how
to do it the right way.

That's funny.

I thought he did
do it the right way.

Whoa.

Is there a reason
you're showing me
that, pal?

Maybe it's
the universe telling us
we need a break.

Yeah.

You stay right where
you are, you bastards.

Where were you?

Why, did I miss
anything?

Maybe I would be
further along
with my training

if I had
a consistent teacher.

Hmm?

Is it so wrong to
desire simple mastery
of one's limbs?

After 60 years
of watching myself

puddle into a pool
of shame and self-loathing,

to finally ask

not what I can do
for my body,

but what my body can
do for me?

Sure. What's your end game?

Maybe, eventually,
when we claw ourselves

out of this
miniature morass,

maybe I can devote myself
to the better good.

So you wanna become
a superhero.

That's what all
this training's about?

What?

No!

Why?

Is that ridiculous
to you?

You've never heard
such a foolish thing,
have you?

If it were true,

did you think that maybe,

just maybe my only aim here
was to keep off
the Tiny Town 10?

I was just making sure
I'm managing expectations.

You know you could never
actually cut it, right?

Try that arm now.

What?

Now just find a way to do it
without being insulted.

Same time tomorrow.

You are Cliff fucking Steele.

And he is a hillbilly
piece of shit can't
keep his dick in his pants.

You don't need this.

Not when you are finally
starting to hit your stride.

I know.

And with a baby on the way.

I know.

I cannot believe your
mama stayed with his cheating
ass as long as she did.

This is gonna
break his heart.

Honey...

All right.

Why don't you
go lie down...

with the burrito,

and, uh, I'll talk to him.
I got this.

Fuck him.

Slow down there, Pops.

You're giving my pit boys
a run for their money.

When's lunch?

Ready to eat the ass
off a low-flying duck.

Kate's inside
putting up her feet.

I got beer.

When's she gonna
shit that thing out
anyway?

Uh...

Listen, Dad, um...

Kate and I
have been talking,

and she thinks that--
We think that...

with all the bad blood
between you and Mom,
that...

We don't wanna create
a scene at the wedding,

and we think that...

Well, probably one of you
shouldn't come,

and we think it'll be best
if that was you.

-Uh-huh.
-I mean,

you sort of did fuck
the counter girl at the DQ.

I hear you loud
and clear, Cliffie.

Okay, uh...

All right, let's drink
some beer.

Actually I'm gonna
get going.

All right. Well, uh...

How about a road soda?

Hey, do me a favor.

Or, you know what?
You can consider this
my wedding toast.

Why don't you
respect yourself?

You aren't even
married yet,

and she's already
steering you around
by your short and curlies.

She's having my baby.

Which I know is a big
fucking deal to you, I do.

But let's see what happens
in the next year or two.

What the fuck?

The road is long
and twisty, son.

And in the end,
whoever you are,
or whoever you're with,

all's you got
is your self-respect.
You understand me?

I know where I will be.

I'll be right here.

Okay.

With my wife
and with my baby.

Good luck to you.

You know, you wouldn't know
the first fucking thing
about self-respect.

Yeah, and one other
piece of advice.

When that baby doctor
asks you if you want
the husband stitch,

you tell him,
"I'll take two."

Hey, get your ass
back here!

Asshole.

Time to feed
the rats?

- Fuck!
- Sorry!

-Sorry.
-Jesus, kid!

What?

I...
I was just...

I thought...

if you were going
to feed the rats...

maybe I could go with you.

Which I totally understand
if you thought inappropriate
or a bother.

Well, I do,

and I'm not, so... Bye.

Going for a drive?

What?

I've never rode
in an automobile.

Fuck my life.

This one seems nice.

Kid, you ever
just shut the...

She doesn't stop.

She doesn't fucking stop.

Whoo!

Don't get used
to it, kid.

This is not gonna
be an everyday thing.

Wanna go faster?

All right.

You asked for it.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Cliff?

Cliff!

What the fuck?

Jesus Christ!

What the hell
was that?

I'm sorry, it was
just Darling.

Wait, you know
that thing?

She's one of my friends
from inside my mind.

They only come out
when I'm sad or scared,

or happy.

Please don't be mad.

Don't do that.

I am not one of your
little weirdo friends.

I'm a grown man,
and I don't have time to
play with a little freak.

Cliff!

What the hell is
wrong with you?

You take your anger
out on me,

not on an innocent child.

You mean the precious
child you locked away
for 90 years?

You have no idea
what she and I have
been through.

Really, Chief?

You wanna play
"who had it worse"
with me?

Thought so.

Go ahead,
pummel some rats.
That'll fill the hole.

Hole filled, asshole.

♪ Mrs. Brown you've got
A lovely daughter ♪

♪ Girls as sharp as her
Are something rare ♪

♪ But it's sad ♪

♪ She doesn't love me now ♪

♪ She's made it
Clear enough ♪

♪ It ain't no good to pine ♪

♪ She's so... ♪

I do love
watching you sing.

And in miniature...
Muah!

Cut the crap, Willoughby,
we've got work to do.

And we will.
It's just, you're adorable.

I'm adorable.
The whole thing's just--

Enough, please.

You're on edge.

Dorothy's here.

-Ah!
-I know what you're
gonna say.

What am I gonna say?

How you told me so.

But this is not
her fault.

Right. Just like
her imaginary pal

wiping out that freakshow
in London wasn't her fault.

It's not.
Not this time.

It's mine.

She's perfectly safe
under my care.

For now.

And I don't need to hear
what you think of her.

I need your assistance in...

fixing this.

They know, don't they?

Your yard-sale
science projects
know the truth.

Mr. Nobody pretty much
painted them a picture,
yes.

And I told them
the rest.

And how are they
taking it?

Well, what do you think?
They're pretty pissed off.

But they did save
my daughter...

and every attempt I've made
to set things right has failed.

That's why I'm totally
abasing myself by
summoning the likes of you.

Is this supposed
to be a grovel?

Will you...

please...

help me get these
people big?

That kind of magic
doesn't come for free.

Whatever it takes.

I don't carry
that kind of juice.

Eismann might.

Eismann?
Good God!

Lego figures can't
be choosers, Caulder.

What do we got to trade?

There's the painting
downstairs.

I saw that.

That is a very extremely
powerful piece of magic.

Maybe it once was,

but with those
two knob-heads
squatting in it,

you might as well have
wiped your cock
across the Mona Lisa.

How about that thing
around your neck?

You're joking.

That plus the painting
might just do it.

-No.
-Small broker's fee
on top?

I told you, no!

Not now, not ever.

At the risk of insinuating
that I actually
give a fart...

let me help you.

Go.

I'll find a way.

So Vic,
before tearing me down
to build me up...

Very Great Santini
of you, by the way.

...I have a question.

What is it exactly that
you want when
we get big?

What I've always wanted.

Huge world out there
to save.

Right, agreed.

We just need to make sure
you're in the right place.

Meaning?

Sometimes, the easiest pain
to ignore is our own.

What the hell are you
talking about?

You may think
you're fooling people,
you're not.

We hear you.

At night.

The nightmares.

And I'm just saying,
perhaps we could
help each other.

Yeah.

No, thanks.

You're right, pal.

We need to get out more.

Negative Spirit release.

What's wrong?

Come on, pal,
this is your time.
Fly.

I was so
proud of you, Dad.

What the hell
is going on?

Were you ever
proud of us?

Gary?

Of course, I was.

My God, I was.

I just wanted you to be
as proud of us
as I was of you.

But... maybe it doesn't
matter anymore.

What's done is done.

Right?

Hey...

What did you do?

I'm here now, okay?

I left all that
long ago.

What the hell
is going on?

You think
Danny will ever
grow big again?

No clue.

I hope they do.

Nobody deserves
to be a brick.

Maybe Danny wants
to be a brick.

It's entirely possible

that that is the world's
tiniest joint.

Yeah.

Larry rolled it
for me.

He uses tweezers
or some shit.

You still using
the other stuff?

What other stuff?

Uh, the... You know.

Come on, the...

The stuff you shot up
when you were
living on a bus,

when you were homeless.

I was sort of watching you...

some might say
protecting you.

Gee, Cliff.

It's entirely possible that
you might be the world's
tiniest narc.

Get the fuck
out of my rice bowl.

We are gonna get
big again, right?

I don't know.

Do you want to?

Don't you?

Why the fuck do you think
I'm doing drugs?

Fucking Chief!

"Fucking Chief"
is a-fucking right!

And what's up with
his fucking daughter?

She's just forever 11?

Because that tween shit
is gonna grow ancient
real fucking fast.

Oh, hey.
Those imaginary friends
she talks to all night?

I saw one of them.

-Shut up!
-Yes.

It was freaky!

It sort of had this
mirror thing for a face.

I mean, look,
I get it.
I'm no prize, but--

You and me both, brother.

But this thing? Gah!

I mean... Okay.

We're basically
chemistry experiments,
right?

He threw some shit
together in a beaker,
and out popped us.

-Yep.
-We're supposed to be weird.

-Yep.
-He fucked somebody
to get her.

What the fuck
do you have to fuck
to get fucking that?

I do not know!

Okay, okay.
On the count of three,

we both blurt out what
we think he fucked.

Okay?

One, two--

I don't
expect compassion.

How about decency?

You first.

Dorothy's missing.

Dorothy?

Dorothy!

Dorothy!

Anything?

My God!
What if she fell off
the table?

Oh, no!

What is that? Three feet?

That's two
Empire State Buildings
to a tiny person.

Fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck!

- Problem!
- What?

She took my cheese.

- So?
-So she went to feed the rats.

She thinks I've been feeding
the fucking rats!

You've been killing
the rats.

No shit!

You think I'm gonna say that
to a little fucking girl?

If she goes anywhere
near that rat hole,
they'll kill her.

Or...

Or what?

She's a very creative
little girl.

Find her!

Rats want war...

it's war!

Jane, you wanna go fuck up
some rats?

Fuck, yes.

I'm in!

- Rita!
- Uh...

Rita's in!

Let's go!

Whoa.

- What the hell?
- What's going on?

This is a trap.

This is Mr. Nobody.

Do you see Mr. Nobody?

Yes.

No.

This is a trap.

This is a trap.

-Victor...
-This is--

Victor!

Mr. Nobody is still
in the painting.

It's not a trap...

and I'm not going anywhere.

-Do you hear me?
-No, this is a trap.

This is a trap.

Dorothy!

Over there.

Dorothy?

Hey, kid. You okay?

Dorothy?

The fuck?

She's a mommy.

Whoa!

There are so many.

Aw!
What's wrong with that one?

So small.

What if she doesn't see it?

It's okay.
See? Look.

Mommy rat's picking
it up, and...

Oh! Ooh, shit!

What's happening?

- Uh...
- What's happening?

Natural order.

The weakest one is a liability,
so it has to go.

It killed the baby!

Uh, it's okay!
It's okay!

Jane, a little help?

Jane? Jane!

Oh, what the...

It's okay. It's okay.

Everything is
gonna be okay.

Just fine.

Everything is
gonna be okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

Dorothy!

Chief!

What the hell
is going on?

She was just...

This... This rat was, uh...
Babies...

And then, out of nowhere
she just... chop!

I mean, fuck!

No.

Dorothy, listen to me.

Everything is all right.

It's not.
It's not.

Please, my love.

Just breathe.

Cliff, don't!

This isn't something
you can just punch.

Hey! Hey, you!

Whoa!

Fuck!

Dorothy, my darling.
I know you're scared.

But you must breathe.

Listen to my voice.

I can't.

Okay, you wanna go?

Let's go!

What the fuck!

Hey, whatever you're
doing to Dorothy,
you better fucking stop!

Okay, weird thing
with the face again.

You wanna dance, too?
Let's do this.

Dorothy...

Help... girl...

Leave... me... alone!

How many imaginary
friends do you have
in there?

Jesus Christ!

Make stop.

He's coming.

He's coming!

He won't stop,
he's coming.

You have to!

Make wish.

He wants me
to make a wish.

You must keep him back.

-I can't!
-You must!

Make wish.

You have to send him back,
you have to!

Don't make me
lock you away again!

I can scarcely
believe it, Caulder.

Cut-throat, scheming,
selfish lone wolf...

giving everything up
for his feckless freaks.

Dorothy needs to
be kept safe.

Away from any situation
that might foster...

Unpleasantness.

And as for the others...

They've suffered enough.

I have to try
and make it right...

in whatever small
way I can.

"Small"?

It's hardly what I call
giving up your life.

Vitae essentia.

No take-backs on
a fool's bargain, Niles.

Only a fool...

would consider himself
before his family.

What lies before me now
is simply...

a riddle I have not yet solved.

Well, you better
solve it quick, old man.

Eat up.

Lot of new mouths to feed.

Ha!

Ha!

Vic!

You won't believe it!

Fuck you.

Tonight another day
has passed,

and no matter noise,

no matter dark,

we must sit,
and stay,
and wait.

Or be quiet,

and be polite,

till tomorrow's at the gate.

Good night, my love.

-Papa?
-Hmm?

You will always
be with me...

won't you?

I'm not going anywhere.

Dream well.

Night-night, Herschel.

You too, Darling.

I love you, too.

Sleep tight.

Father...

dying.

It's time for bed.

We have to go to sleep.

All of us.

Must... stop.

He's not dying!

You heard him.

He's not going anywhere.

Make... wish.

No!

Not today.

When?

We'll see.