Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989–1993): Season 1, Episode 8 - Blood and Remembrance - full transcript

- WANDA?
- FINE! I WILL, MOTHER!

I GOTTA BE HOME BY 10:00.
THEY GET SO WEIRD SOMETIMES.

I'M NOT SURE, BUT I
THINK THEY STAY WEIRD.

WHEN MY GRANDFATHER COMES TO
VISIT, HE TELLS MY FATHER WHAT TO DO.

REALLY TICKS HIM
OFF. IT'S KIND OF FUNNY.

I GOT A "B" ON MY ALGEBRA
TEST. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I THOUGHT I FAILED. SO
HOW'S THE HOSPITAL?

I HELPED THIS GUY
WITH A STAB WOUND.

- THE POLICE BROUGHT HIM IN.
- THAT'S NEAT.

- WHERE ARE WE GOING?
- "BLACK RAIN."

I SAW IT WITH SUSAN. REMEMBER?
YOU GOT AN EMERGENCY CALL.



YEAH. WHAT ABOUT
"GROSS ANATOMY"?

IT'S KIND OF FUNNY,
KIND OF GROSS.

OH WELL, DO YOU WANT
TO SEE "THE ABYSS" AGAIN?

I ALREADY SAW IT
AGAIN WITH BRIAN.

BRIAN JOHNSON? YOU WENT
OUT WITH BRIAN JOHNSON?

WE DIDN'T GO OUT. WE
JUST WENT TO THE MOVIE.

OH WELL, THEN IT DOESN'T COUNT.

DOOGIE, WHAT AM
I SUPPOSED TO DO?

YOU BREAK PLANS AT
LEAST THREE TIMES A WEEK.

NOT BECAUSE I'M GOING
OUT WITH BRIAN JOHNSON.

ISN'T BRIAN JOHNSON GOING THROUGH
THE 11th GRADE FOR THE FIFTH TIME?

AT LEAST HE DIDN'T
BREAK OUR DATE.

- I HAVE A JOB!
- OH.

WELL, MAYBE I SHOULD GET
OUT OF YOUR WAY, DOCTOR!



OBVIOUSLY YOUR JOB COMES FIRST.

- OBVIOUSLY
BRIAN COMES FIRST.
- MAYBE HE SHOULD.

- MAYBE YOU SHOULD
BE OUT WITH HIM!
- MAYBE.

- MAYBE! THEN IT'S SETTLED.
- MAKES SENSE TO ME.

- FINE.
- GOOD!

Man: LARRY, I KNOW I
PROMISED YOU THE PLANS TODAY,

BUT MY KID'S REAL SICK
AND I GOT TO STAY HOME.

OH YEAH? I'VE GOT AN
EIGHT-YEAR-OLD, RICHIE JUNIOR.

RICHIE, STAY IN BED. DADDY
WILL BRING YOU THE SOUP.

WHEN WILL THE PLANS BE
DONE? RICHIE, DON'T CRY, HONEY!

I'VE GOTTA GO. HONEY, DON'T CRY!

I GOTTA GO, LAR.

OH YEAH. LIKE YOU'VE
NEVER LIED BEFORE.

SO, GENIUS, CAN YOU GET
ME ON A PLANE BY MONDAY?

I'M AFRAID NOT, MR. AARON. THE BLEEDING
HASN'T STOPPED. YOU HAVE A STUBBORN ULCER.

I'D LIKE TO SCHEDULE
SURGERY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

WE'LL NEED TO FIND A BACKUP
SUPPLY OF A.B. NEGATIVE BLOOD.

YOUR RECORDS INDICATE
YOUR WIFE IS A.B. NEGATIVE,

SO WE TOOK THE
LIBERTY OF CALLING HER.

DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH.
WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A...

THESE WERE AT THE
PALM SPRINGS HOUSE!

THEY WERE BEHIND THE
REFRIGERATOR! THE DOG FOUND THEM.

- I MISS THE DOG.
- YOU MISSED YOUR MEETING
AT THE LAWYER'S OFFICE!

HERE'S YOUR COPY OF
THE SETTLEMENT PAPERS.

I'M IN THE DAMN
HOSPITAL, LAUREN!

HOW CONVENIENT. YET
ANOTHER WAY TO DELAY THINGS!

MRS. AARON, YOUR HUSBAND HAS A
RECURRENT BLEEDING DUODENAL ULCER

AND NEEDS SURGERY.
YOU'RE A.B. NEGATIVE.

- HE'S NOT TAKING MY BLOOD.
- I'M NOT TAKING...

YOUR HUSBAND HAS A
SERIOUS ULCER DISEASE

AND HE NEEDS IMMEDIATE SURGERY.

YOU CAN'T DENY HIM YOUR BLOOD.

SIGN THE PAPERS,
YOU'LL GET MY BLOOD.

- THAT'S BLACKMAIL.
- THAT'S THE DEAL.

- TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
- GET OUT!

SUIT YOURSELF.

YEAH.

OH, HI, DAD!

HI, SON.

- WHAT IS HE DOING?
- PULLING OFF GROUPIES.

OH, HELLO, DR. HOWSER. YOU
LOOK LIKE YOU'VE HAD A ROUGH DAY.

UH, I DIDN'T, VINCENT.

DOOGIE, IT WAS MY UNDERSTANDING
YOU WERE GOING OUT TONIGHT.

WE WERE BUT WE CAN'T.
WHAT IF WANDA CALLED?

THAT'S NOT IT, VINNIE. I JUST
DIDN'T FEEL LIKE GOING OUT.

RIGHT. LOOK, HOWSER, WHY DON'T
YOU CALL HER? HUMILIATE YOURSELF

AND WE'LL ALL BE HAPPY.

SHE STARTED THIS.

IT DOESN'T MATTER. SHE'S
WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL.

TRUST ME. I KNOW
WOMEN. I STUDY THEM.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, DR. HOWSER?

YOU MUST KNOW
SOMETHING ABOUT WOMEN.

I THINK WHO STARTED THE FIGHT

IS NOT AS IMPORTANT AS
FORGIVING ONE ANOTHER.

MAN TO MAN, HE'S GOT
TO CALL HER, RIGHT?

EVERY TIME MY MOM GETS MAD
AT MY DAD, HE HAS TO APOLOGIZE

AND TURN ON THE DELPINO CHARM.

LOOK. WANDA KNOWS IT'S HER
RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE THE APOLOGY.

HE DOESN'T GET IT.

DOOG, WOMEN CONTROL EVERYTHING.

WE'RE HERE FOR THEM. CAESAR
WENT TO WAR FOR CLEOPATRA.

PARIS BUILT THE TROJAN
HORSE FOR HELEN.

PAUL McCARTNEY LETS
HIS WIFE PLAY IN THE BAND.

THESE ARE NOT CHOICES
MEN MAKE! WE'RE LIBIDO SLAVES

TO SOMETHING THAT'S
BIGGER THAN ALL OF US...

- WOMEN!
- Katherine: DAVID, DID
YOU TAKE OUT THE TRASH?

I APPRECIATE YOUR COMING.

YOU WANT MY BLOOD.

MRS. AARON, I UNDERSTAND
YOUR SITUATION.

YOU DON'T, OR ELSE YOU
WOULDN'T HAVE ASKED ME HERE.

WE ARE HAVING SERIOUS TROUBLE
TRYING TO TRACK DOWN A DONOR.

- WE NEED TWO PINTS...
- YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME.

IF THE MAN WANTS MY BLOOD,
HE CAN SIGN THE DIVORCE PAPERS.

EXCUSE ME, BUT YOU CAN'T
DIVORCE YOUR HUSBAND IF HE'S DEAD.

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT. HE CAN DIE, MA'AM.

HE'S BEEN RECEIVING
BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS,

BUT AFTER 8:00 HE'LL
NEED FRESH BLOOD.

LET HIS SECRETARY
GIVE IT TO HIM.

SHE HAS BEEN ALL ALONG.

- Canfield: MRS. AARON.
- DON'T "MRS. AARON" ME!

- I AM IN
THE MIDDLE OF A DIVORCE.
- AND I HAVE A JOB TO DO!

WELL, MAYBE I SHOULD GET
OUT OF YOUR WAY, DOCTOR.

WAIT! I HOPE YOU REALIZE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS ILLEGAL.

UNDER CALIFORNIA LAW, ALL PERSONAL
BODILY FLUIDS ARE COMMUNITY PROPERTY,

NOT LIMITED TO AND
INCLUDING BLOOD.

A BREACH OF THESE DUTIES WOULD
RESULT IN A SUIT AGAINST YOU,

NOT FOR ONLY SPECIFIC
PERFORMANCE TO DRAIN FROM YOU

MR. AARON'S STATUTORY
SHARE OF BLOOD

BUT ALSO FOR PAIN,
SUFFERING AND INTENTIONAL

INFLICTION OF
EMOTIONAL DISTRESS,

NOT TO MENTION THE CRIMINAL STATUTES
APPLICABLE SHOULD HE DIE... MA'AM.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH.
- 45.

GET MRS. AARON
TO THE BLOOD BANK.

WE'LL NEED ANOTHER
PINT IN 24 HOURS

AND SCHEDULE MR. AARON
FOR A LAPAROTOMY.

A MOMENT, DR. HOWSER.

I NEVER KNEW BLOOD
WAS COMMUNITY PROPERTY.

WOULD THAT INCLUDE BODILY FLUIDS
EXISTING BEFORE THE MARRIAGE?

HARD TO TELL, SIR. I MADE IT UP.

GOOD WORK, DOCTOR.

I'M DYING OF FUN HERE.

DOOG, HOW MUCH LONGER
DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS?

YOU SPEND A FEW DAYS AWAY FROM
SOMEONE YOU FORGET WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE.

WHAT DOES BRIAN
JOHNSON HAVE THAT I DON'T?

SHOULDERS. BIG ONES.

AND HAIR ON HIS CHEST.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, PARTY ANIMAL, ENOUGH
FUN. GO KNOCK ON THE DOOR.

NOW WAY. NOT ON YOUR LIFE.

I'VE GOT NO LIFE SINCE
YOU LOUSED UP YOURS!

HEY, WHOSE SIDE ARE
YOU ON? IT'S HER FAULT.

DOOG, YOU'VE A SPECIMEN
OF THE FEMALE PERSUASION

WHOSE WILLING TO LET HER LIPS
MAKE MOUTH MUSIC WITH YOURS,

AND YOU'RE LETTING
THAT GO? THAT'S NOT GOOD.

I'M NOT GOING TO BE
THE ONE TO APOLOGIZE.

OKAY, YOU FORCE ME INTO THIS.

SIX GENERATIONS OF DELPINO MEN

KNOW THE SECRET TO END
ANY PROBLEM WITH A WOMAN.

- YEAH? WHAT?
- ROSES.

BUT THE SECRET IS THE LOVE
POEM YOU SEND WITH THEM.

- I CAN'T WRITE POETRY.
- YOU NEED INSPIRATION.

BRIAN JOHNSON IS SIX
FEET OF HAIRY INSPIRATION.

NO WAY. IF SHE
CARED, SHE'D CALL.

DOES BRIAN JOHNSON SHAVE YET?

RUMOR IS BY FIFTH
PERIOD HE HAS A SHADOW.

HEY, WANT A FEW LAUGHS?

WE CAN GO LOOK THROUGH MY
SISTER'S UNDERWEAR DRAWER.

NAH.

I WAS PAGED. WHO
WANTS TO SEE ME?

SHE'S IN THERE.

- IS THE OPERATION OVER?
- HE'S IN RECOVERY. HE'S DOING FINE.

IT TOOK SO LONG. I...

IT SEEMED LONG.

WELL, HE STARTED
BLEEDING VERY ACTIVELY

JUST BEFORE HE
WENT INTO SURGERY.

HE WOULDN'T HAVE MADE
IT WITHOUT YOUR BLOOD.

I KNOW YOU DON'T BELIEVE THIS,

BUT, IN SPITE OF
EVERYTHING, I STILL LOVE HIM.

AND I THINK HE STILL LOVES ME.

YOU GUYS SURE HAVE
A WEIRD OF SHOWING IT.

YEAH, WELL...

I GUESS THAT'S WHY
WE'RE GETTING DIVORCED.

- BUT IF YOU LOVE EACH OTHER...
- IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.

PEOPLE SAY TERRIBLE
THINGS WHEN THEY'RE ANGRY.

THEY DO TERRIBLE THINGS.

YEAH.

I KNOW.

BOY, DO I KNOW.

- MEN.
- WOMEN.

CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM.

CAN'T KILL THEM.

I'VE GOTTA GET BACK.

BUT HE'LL BE OUT OF
RECOVERY IN TWO HOURS.

YOU CAN SEE HIM THEN.

NO, I REALLY SHOULD GO.

LISTEN. DO ME A FAVOR.

DON'T TELL HIM I WAS HERE.

OKAY?

HOW CAN YOU
POSSIBLY CONCENTRATE?

I'M GONNA KILL HIM.

YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY GOLF.

HE'S BEEN PLAYING THAT ALL
MORNING. I KNOW THE WORDS.

I'LL TALK TO HIM.

MOM.

JUST UNTIL YOUR FATHER
LEAVES FOR HIS GAME.

DEEP LYRICS.

WE FOUND THEM VERY MOVING.

DOGGIE, WHY HAVEN'T
YOU CALLED WANDA?

WANDA WHO?

I'M WATCHING YOU
IN SO MUCH PAIN.

I WISH I COULD MAKE YOU
BELIEVE IT WILL BE OKAY.

MOM, YOU DON'T
WANT TO MOVE THERE.

YOU CAN TAKE IT BACK.

HEY. YOU WANT TO CATCH
A MATINEE OR SOMETHING?

NO THANKS.

I JUST FEEL AWFUL. THIS IS THE
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD!

YOU KNOW, THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE
WANDA'S FEELING THE SAME THING.

BUT YOU'LL NEVER
KNOW UNLESS YOU CALL.

NO. I JUST... I CAN'T, OKAY?

OKAY.

OH, HONEY.

THERE ARE A LOT OF
THINGS I COULD SAY.

BUT THE TRUTH IS WHEN
YOU HAVE A BROKEN HEART

AND YOU FEEL LIKE DYING,
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO

BECAUSE... IT JUST SUCKS.

YOU HAVE A VISITOR, SON.

MAKE UP OR MOVE OUT.

THANK YOU.

NO, THANK YOU.

NO ONE'S EVER SENT ME ROSES...

- ROSES?
- BUT YOU.

- OF COURSE.
- AND THE CARD.

- YOU GOT TO HAVE A CARD.
- HOW DID YOU THINK OF IT?

IT JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE.

- DID YOU MEAN IT?
- EVERY WORD.

IT TOOK ME DAYS TO WRITE.

I REALLY FIGURED
YOU JUST DIDN'T CARE.

WELL, I TEND NOT TO
SHOW MY EMOTIONS.

SO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE
SEEING BRIAN JOHNSON AGAIN?

DID MENTION THAT WHEN I
WENT OUT WITH BRIAN JOHNSON,

KELLY, MELISSA, ANDY AND HER
LITTLE BROTHER WENT WITH US?

NO, YOU LEFT THAT PART OUT.

DOOGIE, I'M SORRY.

I WAS SO MAD ABOUT
YOU CANCELING ON ME

I WANTED TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS.

SO ARE WE BACK TOGETHER?

- YEAH.
- THIS IS GOOD.

LOOK, I GOTTA GO.

I GOT TO TAKE MY LITTLE
SISTER TO SWIMMING LESSONS.

SHE'S SUCH A NERD.

THERE'S NOT A LOT
OF HOPE FOR HER.

SO CALL ME LATER, OKAY?

I LOVED THE NOTE.

TONGUES. I SAW MUTUAL TONGUES.

- YOU WATCHED?
- YOU BET!

I'M THE REASON
YOU GOT HAPPY LIPS.

YOU SENT THE FLOWERS.

I DID IT FOR FRIENDSHIP.
I DID IT FOR ROMANCE.

YOU DID IT TO MEET THE NEW
GIRL IN WANDA'S HOMEROOM.

JACQUELINE. SHE'S FRENCH.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

THAT SHE COMES FROM FRANCE.

NO, THAT SHE'S NEW. SO
AS FAR AS SHE'S CONCERNED

I COULD BE A
DESIRABLE COMMODITY.

I GOTTA GET TO HER
BEFORE MY REPUTATION DOES.

THANKS, VIN.

- I OWE YOU ONE.
- YOU OWE ME 32 BUCKS.

YOU GOT IT. WHAT DID
YOU SAY ON THE NOTE?

SHE REALLY WENT CRAZY OVER IT.

LOVE POEMS BY DELPINO.

DON'T ASK ME WHY BUT IT WORKS.

"MY HEART IS FILLED WITH SORROW.

I MISS MY LITTLE FAWN.

WHAT ROMEO FELT FOR JULIET
AND MADONNA FELT FOR SEAN

IS NOTHING LIKE THE TORMENT
I SUFFER ALL NIGHT LONG.

THE TRAGEDY OF OUR LOVE
WOULD MAKE A SPRINGSTEEN SONG.

YOUR RAVEN HAIR,
YOUR EMERALD EYES,

YOUR RUBY LIPS,
YOUR PERFECT THIGHS.

BABY, OH BABY, I MISS YOU SO.

WITHOUT IT'S LIKE LARRY
AND CURLY WITHOUT MO."

IT'S THE "BABY, OH BABY"
PART BREAKS ME UP EVERY TIME.

HI. I, UH...

JUST WANTED TO STOP BY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

NOW WHAT?

I LOVE YOU.

- THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.

WHAT FOR?

NO ONE EVER SENT ME ROSES.

ROSES?

AND THE CARD.

WELL YOU...

YOU GOT TO HAVE A CARD.

IT'S LIKE SOMETHING FROM
HIGH SCHOOL. I LOVED IT.

ESPECIALLY THE PART
ABOUT THE THREE STOOGES.

WELL, I KNOW YOU LIKE
THE THREE STOOGES.

CURLY, WHAT AN ACTOR.

THIS IS NICE FOR A CHANGE.

- TALKING.
- YEAH.

I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN WE YELL.

WE'VE GOTTEN GOOD AT IT.

I THINK WE'VE PERFECTED IT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT MADE
ME THINK OF THIS, BUT...

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE
WERE WALKING DOWN THE AISLE?

YOUR MOTHER KEPT SOBBING,

"I GIVE IT SIX MONTHS."

WE MADE IT PAST SIX MONTHS.

WE DID.

WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS
FOR A LONG TIME.

SO...

NOW WHAT?

Dr. Shapiro to E.R. staff.
Dr. Shapiro to E.R. staff.

SO HOW'S IT GOING?

YOU SENT THE FLOWERS?

- WAS THAT ALL RIGHT?
- YEAH, THANK YOU.

GOOD, YOU OWE ME $32. I'LL
THROW IN THE CARD FOR FREE.

IT MADE HIM LAUGH.

AND IT MADE US SORT OF STOP

AND SEE WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOING.

ALL THIS FIGHTING.

YOU FORGET THAT'S THE PERSON
YOU SPENT 15 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE WITH.

THAT'S GREAT.

AND IT...

IT MADE US REALIZE

THAT WE'VE BEEN AVOIDING
GETTING DIVORCED.

I MEAN, WE MAY NOT
BE A GOOD COUPLE

BUT IF WE HAVE TO
GO THROUGH THIS

MAYBE IT'LL BE EASIER IF
WE DO IT AS GOOD FRIENDS.

YOU'RE STILL GETTING DIVORCED?

I COULD'VE HAVE
TWO LIKE YOU BY NOW.

- Wanda's mother: WANDA?
- YES, I TOOK A JACKET!

- HI.
- HI.

- YOU LOOK UPSET.
- YOU KNOW THAT COUPLE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT?

THE ONES AT THE HOSPITAL
WITH THE BLOOD AND STUFF?

YEAH, IT'S REALLY WEIRD.

- THEY'RE GETTING A DIVORCE.
- THAT'S NOT WEIRD.

THAT'S LIKE MOST OF
MY FRIEND'S PARENTS.

I GUESS, BUT THEY SAY
THEY STILL LOVE EACH OTHER.

YOU KNOW WHEN I WAS 10
MY MOTHER LEFT MY FATHER.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

IT WAS AWFUL. WE LIVED IN
AN APARTMENT IN CULVER CITY

AND MY PARENTS WERE ALWAYS
SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER.

WHAT HAPPENED?

AFTER SIX MONTHS OF MARRIAGE
COUNSELING THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER.

I'M GLAD. BUT EVER SINCE

THEY'VE BEEN TOTALLY
SICKENING WITH EACH OTHER...

KISSING, FOOLING AROUND, LOCKING
THEIR DOOR EVEN IN THE AFTERNOON.

GERIATRIC SEX
PERVERTS FROM MARS.

SO I GUESS SOMETIMES YOU
CAN BREAK UP AND THEN GET BACK.

YEAH, SOMETIMES.

EXCEPT, YOU REMEMBER WHEN
KEVIN BROKE UP WITH MARY ANN?

THEY WERE THE COUPLE.

- IS THIS GOING
TO HAPPEN TO US?
- DOOGIE.

I DON'T WANT IT TO. BUT
I MEAN, STATISTICALLY...

- I DON'T CARE
ABOUT STATISTICS.
- THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE.

BECAUSE I REALLY
LIKE YOU, WANDA.

ACTUALLY, I SORT OF LOVE YOU.

- SORT OF?
- I MEAN, YOU KNOW I...

I DO.

YEAH, ME TOO.