Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989–1993): Season 1, Episode 5 - The Short Goodbye - full transcript

IF I WANT IT, I SHOULD BE
ABLE TO BUY IT. IT'S MY MONEY.

NOT LEGALLY IT ISN'T, NOT YET.

I EARNED IT.

Katherine: THIS IS
GETTING RIDICULOUS.

CAN'T WE EVER HAVE A MEAL THAT
DOESN'T END IN THIS ARGUMENT?

IT'S NOT LIKE I'M
ASKING FOR A FERRARI.

JUST A LITTLE
BEEMER CONVERTIBLE.

"JUST A LITTLE
BEEMER CONVERTIBLE."

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT THING COSTS?

- DOOGIE, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THE STATION WAGON?
- MOM, IT'S A TUB.

THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT DRIVE THOSE
THINGS ARE AUTO-CRASH DUMMIES.



WE TOLD YOU...

WE'LL PAINT IT, WE'LL PUT
IN A NICE SOUND SYSTEM.

IF YOU CAN DRIVE IT FOR A YEAR WITHOUT
A MOVING VIOLATION OR AN ACCIDENT,

THEN WE'LL TALK ABOUT A NEW CAR.

END OF DISCUSSION.

NOT ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS
HAS A BRAND-NEW CAR.

NOT ONE OF MY FRIENDS
EARNS $28,000 A YEAR.

WHICH I'M NOT GONNA LET
YOU BLOW ON A $30,000 CAR.

IF THAT'S THE WAY
YOU'RE GONNA BE,

MAYBE I OUGHT TO PETITION THE
COURT FOR EMANCIPATED MINOR STATUS.

DOOGIE, NOT THAT AGAIN.

IF I'M OLD ENOUGH TO EARN IT, I
SHOULD BE OLD ENOUGH TO SPEND IT.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU DON'T WANT ANY RESTRICTIONS ON
HOW YOU SPEND THE MONEY YOU EARN.



YOU DON'T WANT A CURFEW, YOU
DON'T WANT TO CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM,

OR DO ANY OTHER CHORES.

IS THERE ANYTHING
I'M LEAVING OUT?

WHY CAN'T I JUST LIVE HERE
WITHOUT ALL THE HASSLE?

BECAUSE WE'RE RUNNING A
FAMILY HERE, NOT A HOTEL.

- Doogie: MAYBE I SHOULD
GO TO A HOTEL.
- OH, PLEASE.

I'M SERIOUS. THE WAY
YOU GUYS TREAT ME,

MAYBE I OUGHT TO BE
THINKING ABOUT MOVING OUT.

YOU OUGHT TO PUT THAT THOUGHT
OUT OF YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW.

- YOU CAN'T STOP ME.
- OH YES, I CAN.

DOOGIE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO.

WHAT?

IF HE'S NOT GONNA
LET US PARENT HIM,

MAYBE HE SHOULD
PADDLE HIS OWN CANOE.

MAYBE YOUR MOTHER'S RIGHT.

Dr. Canfield: TOMORROW MORNING

THIS HOSPITAL WILL BE ADMITTING
THE ROCK STAR CHARMAGNE.

WOW, HEY! ALL RIGHT.

I'VE SEEN HER VIDEOS. THE
WOMAN IS A STONE GODDESS.

DR. PETERS WILL BE REMOVING A
NODULE FROM HER VOCAL CHORDS.

WE ALL KNOW HOW THESE CELEBRITY
TYPES ARE ABOUT THEIR PRIVACY.

I'VE ASSURED HER THAT'S WHAT
SHE'LL GET... TOTAL PRIVACY.

I'VE NOTIFIED THE NURSING STAFF.

HER PRESENCE HERE IS TO
REMAIN A COMPLETE SECRET.

ARE WE KEEPING
YOU UP, DR. HOWSER?

SORRY, I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT.

SIX-CAR PILEUP ON
THE 405, LONG SHIFT.

WELL, REST UP. YOU'RE ON ROUNDS
TOMORROW WITH DR. PETERS.

NOW, PEOPLE, I'M RELYING
ON YOUR GOOD JUDGMENT.

NO LEAKS ABOUT THIS
CHARMAGNE THING.

I DON'T WANT THIS FACILITY TURNED
INTO A TEENAGE INVASION FROM HELL.

THAT'S IT. THANK YOU ALL.

YO, PETERS.

I'LL GIVE YOU $100 IF YOU LET
ME GIVE HER A SPONGE BATH.

DOES IT EVER BOTHER YOU PATHOLOGY
IS ON THE SAME FLOOR AS THE CAFETERIA?

IT'S NOT THAT
FAR-FETCHED, ME AND HER.

CELEBRITIES HAVE A
THING FOR DOCTORS.

IT'S THEIR PERCEPTION OF
US. WE'RE ALL-POWERFUL.

WE'RE HEALERS, WE'RE GODLIKE.

CYBILL SHEPHERD, MARY TYLER
MOORE, VICTORIA PRINCIPAL,

THEY ALL MARRIED DOCTORS.

I DON'T KNOW... MISS
CHARMAGNE McGUIRE

DOESN'T EXACTLY RESONATE FOR ME.

- HI, GUYS.
- HI.

HI, CURLY. JACK, YOU STILL
LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE?

SURE, YOU GOT SOMEONE IN MIND?

YEAH, ME.

- WHAT?
- WHAT'S GOING ON, DOOG?

I'M MOVING OUT OF
MY PARENTS' HOUSE.

- WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?
- LAST NIGHT.

I'M GONNA GET A
DECLARATION OF EMANCIPATION.

- Jack: WHAT'S THAT?
- SECTION 64, CALIFORNIA
CIVIL CODE.

YOU HAVE TO BE 14, WILLINGLY
LIVING APART FROM YOUR PARENTS,

MANAGING YOUR OWN
FINANCIAL AFFAIRS

AND YOUR INCOME ISN'T FROM CRIMINAL
ACTIVITIES. I'VE GOT THAT COVERED.

IT SHOULD TAKE THREE...
FOUR WEEKS TOPS.

DOOGIE, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO
DO THIS? IT'S PRETTY ROUGH OUT THERE.

I CAN HANDLE IT.
I'VE GOT THE MONEY.

I'M NOT JUST TALKING
ABOUT THE MONEY.

BUT IT'S A GOOD PLACE TO START.

LISTEN, DOOG, WE MAKE
AROUND 2,500 A MONTH, RIGHT?

OKAY, LET'S START SUBTRACTING.

YOUR TAXES ARE ROUGHLY 700.

RENT IS ABOUT 800. THAT'S
IF YOU SHARE A PLACE.

FOOD'S 200, IF YOU COOK AT HOME.

Curly: AND YOU NEED
A CAR AND INSURANCE.

AND THAT'S NOT
COUNTING ENTERTAINMENT...

DATES, MOVIES, EATING OUT,

AND THEN YOU'VE GOT
LAUNDRY BILLS, DRY CLEANING.

- WELL, YOU GUYS DO IT.
- HEY, I STILL GET HELP
FROM MY FOLKS.

AND I HAVE TWO ROOMMATES AND
WHEN I DATE, THE GUY NORMALLY PAYS.

LOOK, IT DOESN'T TAKE
MUCH TO RUN MY LIFE.

BESIDES, THIS ISN'T ABOUT
MONEY, IT'S ABOUT FREEDOM.

I'VE GOT TO DO THIS
THING... IT'S TIME.

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY,
JACK? CAN I MOVE IN?

I'M SORRY, DOOGIE, I JUST
WOULDN'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH IT.

YOUR FRIENDS ARE MUCH YOUNGER.

I DON'T WANT A LOT
OF KIDS AROUND.

BESIDES, I LIKE TO ENTERTAIN,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

AS MUCH AS I'D LIKE
TO HELP YOU OUT...

JEEZ, McGUIRE, YOU'RE
AS BAD AS MY FOLKS.

AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN
30-SOMETHING. THANKS A HEAP.

Woman on P.A.:
Please call station 631.

Mrs. Rodriguez,
please call station 631.

YOU THINK HIS PARENTS
WOULD LET ME HAVE HIS ROOM?

Mr. Raleigh, please
call operator 110.

HEY, VINNIE, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOUR MOM SENT YOU A
LAUNDRYGRAM, DUDE, AND IT AIN'T CLEAN.

SO WHERE'S YOUR NEW PLACE?

SO FAR, YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT.

ARE YOU KIDDING?
WE CAN'T PARTY HERE.

I'M GOING TO LOOK
AT A PLACE TONIGHT.

BE SURE AND GET A TWO-BEDROOM.

WHEN I RUN AWAY FROM HOME,
I WANT A PLACE TO RUN TO.

- OKAY, NOW LET'S TALK
ABOUT CHARMAGNE.
- WHO?

THAT'S GOOD, PLAY STUPID. I JUST
SAW HER LIMO PARKED IN THE BACK.

THE ONE WITH "DREAMING" ON
THE LICENSE PLATE. SHE'S HERE.

OH THAT, YEAH, SHE CUT
HER FINGER IN THE KITCHEN.

SHE'LL BE IN AND OUT
IN ABOUT AN HOUR.

YOU'VE GOT THAT FACE...

WHAT FACE?

THAT "DEBBIE BECKWITH" FACE.

THE ONE YOU USED WHEN YOU
LIED TO ME ABOUT TAKING HER OUT.

- DEBBIE BECKWITH?
- DEBBIE BECKWITH,
SIXTH GRADE, REAL CUTE,

UNTIL SHE HAD THE ZIT MEDICINE
AND GREW A MOUSTACHE?

YOU'RE LYING TO ME.
CHARMAGNE IS IN HERE FOR A STAY.

ALL RIGHT, SHE'S IN HERE.

BUT YOU CAN'T TELL ANYBODY. IF
WORD GETS OUT, CANFIELD WILL KILL ME.

YOU'VE GOT TO PROMISE
ME, BIG PROMISE, DELPINO.

OKAY, OKAY, WHAT'S SHE IN FOR?

SHE'S GETTING A NODULE
REMOVED FROM HER THROAT.

GREAT. WHAT'S A NODULE?

IT'S A SMALL MASS OF TISSUE IN THE
FORM OF A SWELLING. IT LOOKS LIKE A KNOT.

GET ME THAT NODULE.

VINNIE, GO, I'VE GOT
TO GET SOME SLEEP.

COME ON, HOWSER, I WANT IT. I COULD BRONZE
IT AND HANG IT FROM MY REARVIEW MIRROR.

CAN YOU AT LEAST
GET ME IN TO SEE HER?

ARE YOU KIDDING? THERE'S
SECURITY. CANFIELD'S ALL OVER IT.

YOU'VE GOT TO
GET ME SOMETHING...

AN AUTOGRAPH, A
SLIPPER... HER SHEETS!

Woman on P.A.: a
wheelchair to E.R.1.

YES?

HI, I'M DR. HOWSER.

OH, RIGHT, THE GENIUS.

WELL, I'M NOT REALLY A GENIUS.

I MEAN I AM A
GENIUS, BELIEVE ME.

I KNOW A LOT OF STUFF.

TONS. SO DON'T
THINK I'M NOT A GENIUS.

YOU GONNA CHECK ME OUT OR WHAT?

OH, OF COURSE.

UH-HUH...

THIS CHECKS OUT
GOOD TO ME, REAL GOOD.

YOU SEE, THE REASON
THEY SENT ME IN HERE

IS THAT MY SPECIALTY
IS THE HEART.

AND IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT
BEFORE A SURGERY OF THIS TYPE,

THAT YOUR HEART BE FUNCTIONING
IN A VERY SPECIAL FUNCTIONING WAY.

ALL SYSTEMS TIP-TOP, YOU KNOW.

OH, SURE.

HAVE A LISTEN.

ISN'T MY HEART ON
THE OTHER SIDE?

OH, WELL, IT'S IMPORTANT
TO SNEAK UP ON IT.

SO HOW AM I DOING?

OH BOY... THERE'S A
HEART IN THERE, ALL RIGHT.

A BIG ONE.

LISTEN, DESPITE
MY BEING A DOCTOR,

I HANG AROUND WITH
A LOT OF JUVENILES.

AND ONE SUCH JUVENILE I KNOW

IS A VERY BIG FAN OF YOURS.

IF IT WOULDN'T BE
TOO MUCH TO ASK,

COULD YOU GIVE HIM AN AUTOGRAPH?

- SURE, NO PROBLEM.
- HIS NAME IS VINNIE DELPINO.

DOCTOR, IS THIS NECESSARY?

WELL, SOMETIMES
WHEN THE HEART MOVES,

YOU CAN GET A
DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.

MEDICALLY SPEAKING, OF COURSE.

IT'S A VERY NEW CONCEPT.

Doogie: I'M NOT
GONNA LIE TO YOU.

I'VE BEEN TO A LOT OF PLACES
AND I'VE BEEN TURNED DOWN.

DO YOU HAVE TO BE A CERTAIN
AGE TO RENT ONE OF YOUR ROOMS?

YOU HAVE $25, AMERICAN CURRENCY?

YES I DO.

SIGN HERE.

HERE'S YOUR BUCKET, YOUR GLASS

AND YOUR COMPLIMENTARY SOAP.

YOU'RE NOT AN
ARMED MAN, ARE YOU?

NO, SIR.

I HAVE TO ASK.

Woman: HOW COULD YOU LIE
TO ME FOR ALL THESE MONTHS?

Man: I WAS GONNA TELL YOU.

IT WAS JUST NEVER
THE RIGHT TIME.

YOU'RE MARRIED, YOU SLIMY
TOAD! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME.

COME ON, HONEY, IT DOESN'T
REALLY CHANGE ANYTHING.

IT DOESN'T CHANGE WHAT
WE HAVE FOR EACH OTHER.

IT CHANGES WHAT I'VE
GOT FOR YOU, BUSTER!

LOOK, IT'S NOT LIKE
I'M REALLY MARRIED.

I'M JUST IN THE
MIDDLE OF A DIVORCE.

I'M GONNA... WHO ARE YOU
CALLING? GIVE ME THAT PHONE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
COME HERE AND HELP ME.

I'M HURT! GET BACK
IN HERE, DENISE.

WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING, HUH? DENISE!

- CAN I USE YOUR PHONE?
- UH, SURE.

YOUR GOOSE IS COOKED
NOW, YOU LOWLIFE CHEESEBALL.

AND WHILE I'M AT IT, I'M
GONNA STIR-FRY YOUR PANTS!

Man: I'M WARNING YOU, DENISE.

HELLO, IS THIS CECILIA?

HERE, IT'S FOR
YOU, IT'S YOUR WIFE.

- GET BACK IN HERE...
- WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT, PUNK?

WHEN I GET AHOLD OF YOU, YOU'RE
GONNA BE SORRY AND I MEAN IT!

'MORNING. HOW ARE WE FEELING?

A LITTLE NERVOUS.

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
YOU'RE IN GOOD HANDS HERE.

THIS IS DR. FIELDS. HE'LL
BE GIVING YOUR ANESTHESIA

AND WILL WANT TO TALK
WITH YOU AFTER I'M FINISHED.

THIS IS DR. HOWSER, THE
RESIDENT ON THIS SERVICE.

HE'LL BE DOING THE
POST-OPERATIVE FOLLOW-UP.

THE NURSE WILL BE IN TO
GIVE YOU A PRE-OP IN ABOUT...

HOLD IT. THIS KID IS BOGUS.

I ASSURE YOU, DR. HOWSER
IS A BONA FIDE M.D.

DR. HOWSER IS SHORT, DARK, HAS FUNNY
TEETH AND TALKS WITH A NEW YORK ACCENT.

- VINNIE.
- VINNIE?

THIS IS NOT THE KID THAT
I SAW THE OTHER DAY.

OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

IF YOU GUYS CAN GET AWAY WITH
SOMETHING LIKE THIS, WHAT'S NEXT?

MAYBE YOU'LL YANK OUT MY
GALLBLADDER INSTEAD OF MY NODULE.

ALL OF YOU, GET OUT!
I'M OUT OF HERE, OUT!

NOW, I DON'T WANT TO SEE
ANY OF YOU EVER AGAIN!

OKAY, THE BOTTOM LINE IS YOU
GET YOUR TAIL BACK IN HER ROOM.

YOU CRAWL ON ALL FOURS AND
BARK LIKE A DOG IF YOU HAVE TO.

BEG, PROSTRATE YOURSELF,
BUT MAKE THIS ALL RIGHT.

SHE WAS PRETTY MAD. SHE COULD
ATTACK ME, DO PHYSICAL DAMAGE.

WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED
ABOUT? YOU'RE IN A HOSPITAL.

ER, HI.

ER... I CAME TO APOLOGIZE.

I OBVIOUSLY PICKED A
GOOD TIME. LISTEN, I REALIZE...

YOU REALIZE NOTHING.

YOU MAY BE THE 16-YEAR-OLD GENIUS
DOCTOR FROM ANOTHER PLANET,

BUT YOU ARE AN IDIOT AND
YOUR FRIEND IS AN IDIOT.

YOU MAY KNOW HOW TO LASER THE
REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS OFF A GNAT,

BUT I AM NOT
STAYING IN A HOSPITAL

THAT WILL PUT UP
WITH SUCH IMMATURITY.

SO, DR. PUBERTY,
I AM OUT OF HERE.

- HOLD IT, YOU CAN'T GO.
- WHY NOT?

BECAUSE YOU NEED THIS SURGERY.

THERE ARE OTHER
HOSPITALS, OTHER DOCTORS.

NOW, OUT OF MY WAY.

OKAY, JUST TELL ME ONE THING...

ARE YOU REALLY LEAVING BECAUSE
YOU'RE STEAMED AT THIS HOSPITAL,

OR ARE YOU LEAVING
BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARED?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN
IF THAT GUY... DR. PETERS SLIPS?

MY CAREER IS DOWN THE TOILET.

HE WON'T SLIP. PETER IS
THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS.

EVEN THE BEST
CAN HAVE A BAD DAY.

HE'S DONE A THOUSAND
OF THESE SURGERIES.

YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE
NOT THE ONE LYING THERE

WITH SURGICAL
INSTRUMENTS IN YOUR MOUTH.

YOU ARE SCARED, AREN'T YOU?

OKAY, SO WHAT IF I AM?

HONEST, THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE SCARED ABOUT.

IT'S A RELATIVELY
SIMPLE PROCEDURE

AND I WILL PERSONALLY SEE TO IT THAT YOUR
FAMILY'S APPRISED EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.

MY FAMILY!

- OH, I'M SORRY.
- HEY, DON'T HOLD ANY
BENEFITS FOR ME.

I'M A BIG GIRL. I LEFT
HOME WHEN I WAS 15.

REALLY, HOW COME?

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

YOU KNOW, THE USUAL
BROKEN-HOME SONG AND DANCE.

I WAS BETTER OFF ON
MY OWN, BELIEVE ME.

YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU
MEAN. I JUST LEFT HOME MYSELF.

WHY WOULD SOMEONE
LIKE YOU LEAVE HOME?

- YOUR PARENTS DRINK?
- HUH-UH.

- THEY'RE DIVORCED?
- NO.

- THEY BEAT ON YOU?
- NO.

- THEY BEAT ON EACH OTHER?
- NO.

WELL, THEN WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

IT STARTED BECAUSE OF A
CAR THEY WON'T LET ME BUY.

WAIT A SECOND...

YOU LEFT HOME OVER A CAR?

IT'S MORE THAN JUST THAT.
THEY DON'T LISTEN TO ME.

THEY TREAT ME LIKE A KID.

THEY TREAT YOU LIKE A KID...

COME HERE.

LOOK AT YOURSELF.
YOU ARE A KID...

THE GREATEST THING IN
THE WORLD TO BE. ENJOY IT.

DON'T BE IN SUCH A
HURRY TO GROW UP.

YOU LEFT HOME AND YOU SURVIVED.

I HAD TO LEAVE HOME
SO THAT I COULD SURVIVE.

AND LOOK AT ME... I'M
SURROUNDED BY YES-MEN

AND HANGERS-ON AND BODYGUARDS.

I HAVE CARS AND MONEY
AND ALL THIS STUFF

THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU
HAPPY, BUT I DON'T HAVE A FAMILY.

I DON'T HAVE A MOM AND DAD TO
LOVE ME AND TAKE CARE OF ME.

I MEAN WHAT IF SOMETHING DOES
GO WRONG ON THAT OPERATING TABLE?

WHO'S GONNA REALLY
BE THERE FOR ME?

ME.

I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU.
I'LL BE YOUR FAMILY.

CUT IT OUT. YOU'RE
GONNA MAKE ME CRY.

GIVE ME A HUG, WILL YOU?

WELL, AHEM...

WELL, WHERE DO WE STAND?

ARE WE GOING AHEAD?
WE NEED TO KNOW.

IS DR. HOWSER GONNA
BE A PART OF THIS THING?

- HE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE.
- HE'D BETTER BE.

WELL, THEN, OF COURSE HE WILL.

OKAY.

LET'S ROCK AND ROLL.

THANKS.

HI, MOM. HI, DAD.

HEY, WHO ATE ALL
THE CHO-CHO BARS?

SO HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

I THOUGHT MY SHIFT
WAS NEVER GOING TO END.

WE BETTER DRINK THIS MILK
UP. IT EXPIRES TOMORROW.

ROUGH DAY TODAY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S GONNA BE GREAT
TO HIT THAT PILLOW UPSTAIRS.

THERE'S ONE THING
ABOUT A SHIFT LIKE THIS...

- PILLOW UPSTAIRS?
- YEAH, THE ONE ON MY BED
IN MY ROOM.

David: HOLD IT, YOUNG MAN.

IS THIS JUST A HOUSE CALL
OR ARE YOU BACK FOR GOOD?

WELL, YOU COULD SAY IT'S KIND
OF... AN EXTENDED HOUSE CALL.

ARE YOU PREPARED TO
LIVE BY THE HOUSE RULES?

I FOUND OUT SOMETHING...

A 16-YEAR-OLD NEEDS
HIS MOTHER AND FATHER

AND A DOCTOR NEEDS HIS
MOTHER AND FATHER TOO.

SO YOU'RE BACK FOR GOOD?

YEAH, YEAH I AM.

OH, I CHECKED OUT THE
WAGON ON THE WAY IN.

A NEW COAT OF PAINT, A
NUCLEAR SOUND SYSTEM

AND THAT BABY WILL BE SMOKING.

I'M GLAD YOU THINK SO.

I DON'T REALLY, BUT
IT'LL DO FOR NOW.

AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?

WHAT?

IT'S MONDAY NIGHT.

- FOOTBALL.
- CLOSE.

GARBAGE.

DAD, I HATE TAKING OUT THE...

OKAY, OKAY.

- HOWSER, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I JUST BEAMED MYSELF UP.

BUT YOU WERE OUT
THERE OVER THE WALL.

- I HAD TO COME BACK, VINNIE.
- WHY?

'CAUSE I JUST MISSED
YOU SO DARN MUCH.

HOW ABOUT A BIG
WET KISS? COME HERE.

GET AWAY FROM ME!

SO HOW'S CHARMAGNE?

FINE. HER OPERATION
WAS A COMPLETE SUCCESS.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, MAN? THESE FINGERS
WERE SIX MILLIMETERS FROM HER HEART.

- MAYBE SEVEN AWAY FROM...
- RUINING MY CAREER.

HEY, I'M SORRY, MAN. I
COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.

HEY, I ALMOST FORGOT.
I GOT YOU A PRESENT...

CHARMAGNE'S NODULE.

WHOA!

HEY, THAT'S A GOOD
SIZED NODULE, ISN'T IT?

HOW COULD SHE SING
WITH THAT IN HER THROAT?

DO YOU REALIZE THE
VALUE OF THIS NODULE?

SOMEDAY, THIS... COULD
BE IN THE SMITHONIAN.

WHY LEAVE IT TO THOSE
COOTS AT THE SMITHONIAN, EH?

UGH! GROSS!

YOU'RE A GEEK. YOU'VE BEEN
AT THAT HOSPITAL TOO LONG.

PERVERT.

- DOOGIE?
- OH, HI, DAD. WANT A RAISIN?

NO, THANKS.

I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT
YOUR MOTHER AND I MISSED YOU.

- AND WE'RE GLAD YOU'RE HOME.
- ME TOO.

GOOD NIGHT, SON.

GOOD NIGHT, DAD.