Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989–1993): Season 1, Episode 23 - And the Winner Is... - full transcript

When Doogie and Jack hear a rumor that they are neck and neck for Resident of the Year, they both try to gain an advantage by trying to influence the judges which ultimately puts them in awkward positions.

- I'M ADMITTING HIM
DIRECTLY TO MEDICINE.
- BEFORE YOU DO THAT,

ORDER A SKULL SERIES,
SCHEDULE AN EMERGENCY CAT SCAN

- AND GET A NEURO CONSULT.
- DOOGIE, THIS PATIENT'S
COMATOSE.

AND HE'S WEARING A MED-ALERT
BRACELET THAT SAYS HE'S DIABETIC.

- END OF STORY.
- HE MAY BE A DIABETIC,

BUT HE'S ALSO GOT A BATTLE
SIGN OVER HIS RIGHT MASTOID,

WHICH MEANS IT'S PROBABLY
A BASAL SKULL FRACTURE,

SO I REPEAT, GET THE SKULL
FILM, SCHEDULE A CAT SCAN,

AND CALL THE
NEUROSURGERY RESIDENT.

I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
I'M JUST TELLING YOU...

END OF STORY.



WELL, YES, SIR.

I'M NOT YOUR INTERN,
AND I'M NOT YOUR STUDENT.

I'M YOUR CONTEMPORARY, AND
I'M GETTING A LITTLE SICK AND TIRED

- OF YOU ORDERING ME AROUND.
- I WASN'T ORDERING
YOU AROUND, JACK.

IT WAS AN EMERGENCY.
VOICES GET SHORT AND LOUD.

WHO PUT YOU IN CHARGE ANYWAY?

LOOK, I JUST HAPPENED
TO NOTICE SOMETHING

THAT YOU OVERLOOKED IN
YOUR HASTE TO ADMIT HIM,

SO OKAY, I GUESS I
TOOK OVER A LITTLE.

- YOU ALWAYS TAKE OVER.
- NOT CONSCIOUSLY.

IT'S JUST THAT DURING AN
EMERGENCY, EVERY SECOND COUNTS.

I'M JUST AS GOOD A
DOCTOR AS YOU ARE,

I KNOW JUST AS MUCH
MEDICINE AS YOU.

- Doogie: IN THE FUTURE...
- HI GUYS.



I'LL TRY TO REFRAIN FROM
ORDERING YOU AROUND, OKAY?

- Jack: FINE.
- FINE.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU
TWO SO GLUM ABOUT?

YOU FELLAS SHOULD
BE REALLY HAPPY.

WELL, I WAS OUT LAST NIGHT
WITH CANFIELD'S SECRETARY.

- MARSHA.
- BIG DEAL.

IT SURE WASN'T MUCH
OF A DEAL FOR ME,

BUT IT WAS FOR YOU GUYS.

AFTER A FEW DRINKS,
SHE LET IT SLIP

THAT YOU'RE BOTH NECK AND NECK

FOR THE RESIDENT
OF THE YEAR AWARD.

YOU TWO ARE TAKING
THIS PRETTY LIGHTLY.

- IT'S NO BIGGIE.
- YEAH, NO HEAVY NUMBER.

SO HOW DO THEY DECIDE
WHO'S RESIDENT OF THE YEAR?

CANFIELD HAS A VOTE AND EACH
HEAD OF SERVICE HAS A VOTE.

WE'RE DOWN TO OUR
LAST TWO SERVICES.

- ORTHOPEDICS AND PATHOLOGY.
- AREN'T YOU EXCITED TO BE
THIS CLOSE?

- NO.
- IT'S NOTHING.

COME ON, YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOUR
HEARTS AREN'T GOING TO BE RACING

RIGHT BEFORE THEY
ANNOUNCE THE WINNER?

IT'S GONNA BE A
PAIN IN THE TAIL.

SURE IS. YOU HAVE
TO EAT BLUE MEAT.

RENT A TUXEDO THAT 12
OTHER GUYS HAD ECZEMA IN.

LISTEN TO ALL OF
CANFIELD'S OLD JOKES.

I HOPE HE DOESN'T TELL THE ONE
ABOUT THE OVERSEXED PIGS AGAIN.

BESIDES, AWARDS
DON'T MEAN ANYTHING.

IT MEANT THE MAYO
CLINIC FOR HENDRICKS.

I AM PERFECTLY HAPPY WHERE I AM.

IT WOULDN'T CHANGE
ANYTHING FOR ME.

- ME NEITHER.
- THIS WHOLE THING
IS REALLY PETTY.

WE'RE DOCTORS, PROFESSIONALS. WE SHOULDN'T
BE WORRYING ABOUT SOME CRUMMY AWARD.

- YEAH, WE'RE HERE
TO LEARN, NOT COMPETE.
- ABSOLUTELY.

THE PIN IS BENT. I WOULDN'T RISK
LETTING THE BONE HEAL AT THAT ANGLE.

- THE ANGLE ISN'T THAT SHARP.
- REPLACE THE PIN.

UNNECESSARY. IMMOBILIZE THE FEMUR AND PUT
THE PATIENT IN A BODY CAST FOR SIX MONTHS.

BOTH WOULD WORK, BUT I TEND
TO AGREE WITH DR. McGUIRE.

- HIS PROCEDURE
INVOLVES LESS RISK.
- THIS LOOKS LIKE

A FRACTURED FOREARM
IN A CHILD OF NINE OR 10.

JUDGING BY THE TYPE OF BREAK,
IT HAPPENED DURING A FALL.

VERY GOOD, DR. HOWSER.

THIS EIGHT-YEAR-OLD
GIRL FELL FROM A SWING.

WHAT KIND OF...

A DISPLACED FRACTURE
ACROSS THE RADIAL NECK...

Both: AND AN OBLIQUE
GREENSTICK FRACTURE OF THE ULNA.

BOTH ACCURATE. HOW
WOULD YOU TREAT IT?

I DON'T SEE ANYTHING UNUSUAL. CLOSED
REDUCTION UNDER ANESTHESIA AND A CAST.

NO, WAIT A MINUTE. THIS IS
LIKE ONE OF THOSE CASES

REPORTED IN THE DECEMBER
ISSUE OF "ORTHOPEDICS."

THE RADIAL SHAFT IS
DISPLACED MEDIALLY.

IT MAY REQUIRE OPEN REDUCTION.

VERY GOOD, DR. McGUIRE.
VERY GOOD INDEED.

IT DID REQUIRE OPEN REDUCTION

AFTER A FAILED ATTEMPT AT
DOING THE CLOSED REDUCTION

AS SUGGESTED BY DR. HOWSER.

- Katherine: NO PICTURE.
- Howser: PATIENCE, KATHERINE.

JUST A LITTLE PATIENCE.

I STILL HAVE A FEW
MORE WIRES LEFT.

"VIDEO... OUT ON THE VCR

ON TO VIDEO IN ON TUNER." OKAY.

HONEY, DON'T YOU THINK I
SHOULD CALL MANNY'S TV SERVICE?

NO, NO. I CAN DO IT.

I CAN DO IT.

"RED VCR INTO TUNER
JACK, LOWER LEFT."

- HI. HOW'S IT GOING?
- PIECE OF CAKE.

DAD, YOU USED TO BE
FRIENDS WITH DR. MARCUS?

PLAYED A LITTLE GOLF, YEAH.

DO YOU THINK YOU COULD
PUT IN A GOOD WORD ABOUT ME?

TELL HIM HOW MUCH I
ENJOY BEING ON HIS SERVICE?

Howser: YEAH, I GUESS, BUT WHY?

HIS APPRAISAL OF ME
IS VERY IMPORTANT.

I'M ONE OF THE FINALISTS
FOR RESIDENT OF THE YEAR.

OH, DOOGIE, THAT'S GREAT.

- THAT'S WONDERFUL.
- YEAH. RUMOR HAS IT

- IT'S DOWN TO ME
AND JACK McGUIRE.
- GOOD WORK, SON.

SO YOU DON'T MIND DOING THAT?

YEAH. I... I COULD DO THAT.

COOL.

BUT DOUGLAS,

ISN'T THIS SOMETHING
THAT IS BASED SOLELY

- ON YOUR OWN MERITS?
- WELL, SURE,

BUT IT'S SO CLOSE, THE SMALLEST
EDGE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

IF YOU WIN THE AWARD,

I THINK YOU'LL BE A
WHOLE LOT HAPPIER

KNOWING THAT YOU ALONE

ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RESULTS.

I KNOW I'M A LOT HAPPIER WHEN I
ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING ALL ON MY OWN.

I MEAN, EVEN IF IT'S AS
SIMPLE AS HOOKING UP

A LITTLE ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM.

YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT, DAD.

I JUST KNOW YOU'RE GONNA
WIN THAT AWARD, DOOGIE.

I DO TOO.

GOOD LUCK, SON.

THANKS. GOOD LUCK TO YOU, DAD.

AH, OH YEAH. HERE WE GO.

VOILÁ.

- DAD?
- HONEY?

HONEY, DO SOMETHING.

OH, COME ON.

I HOOKED THE THING UP. AT
LEAST I DESERVED CREDIT FOR THAT.

DON'T I?

KATHERINE?

- KATHERINE?
- HELLO? IS THIS MANNY?

FROM THIS X-RAY, THE
CHEST APPEARS NORMAL.

BUT THE SHOULDER
SHOWS CALCIUM DEPOSITS

ALONG THE BICIPITAL GROOVE
AND THE SHOULDER BURSA.

I'D HAVE TO DIAGNOSE BURSITIS,
BUT I'D DOUBT HE DIED OF THAT.

RIGHT, BUT COULD HAVE IT
POSSIBLY BEEN AN INFARCTION?

PROBABLY NOT. FROM
THIS ELECTROCARDIOGRAM,

EVERYTHING LOOKS NORMAL.
SO I THINK WE COULD RULE OUT M.I.

I DON'T KNOW. HE CERTAINLY
COULD HAVE BEEN EVOLVING

AN ACUTE MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION.
A LOT OF THESE PATIENTS HAVE

NORMAL ELECTROCARDIOGRAMS
WHEN FIRST EVALUATED IN THE E.R.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
HE DIED OF, DR. HOWSER.

ACUTE MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION.

IT PAYS TO TAKE SOME
TIME, DR. McGUIRE,

DON'T BE SO QUICK
TO RULE OUT ANYTHING.

COME IN.

OH, HI, DR. MARCUS.

- I'M NOT INTERRUPTING
ANYTHING, AM I?
- NO.

I WAS JUST LOOKING AT THE LATEST
SERIES OF MRS. JENNER'S X-RAYS

WHILE I WAS
COVERING FOR McGUIRE.

HE HAD A DATE. ANYWAY,

THE HEALING IS PROGRESSING
TO THE POINT WHERE I THINK

- WE CAN TAKE THE CAST OFF
A WEEK EARLY.
- GOOD OBSERVATION.

OH, YOU PLAY GOLF.

ANOTHER GOOD
OBSERVATION, DR. HOWSER.

I THINK GOLF IS THE
ULTIMATE SPORT.

I MEAN, WHERE ELSE
CAN PEOPLE OF ALL AGES

AND OF DIFFERENT ABILITIES
PLAY ON THE SAME LEVEL

AND ENJOY THE BEST OF
NATURE AT THE SAME TIME?

IT'S MIND BOGGLING.

- DO YOU PLAY?
- OH, WHENEVER I CAN.

I USED TO PLAY WITH
YOUR DAD, YOU KNOW?

HE HAD A GREAT NATURAL SWING.

TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING I KNOW.

WE LOVE PLAYING.

IT'S JUST DARN GOOD FAMILY FUN.

WELL, I GOTTA GO.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT'S YOUR HANDICAP?

MY HANDICAP? OH...

UM, 20?

20?!

- THAT'S GREAT.
- IT IS?

IT IS, YEAH. IT IS.

THERE ARE THESE
TWO GUYS UP AT RIVIERA

WHO HAVE BEEN TAKING
A BITE OUT OF MY WALLET.

I COULD SURE USE A
PARTNER WITH 20 STROKES.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING
THIS SATURDAY?
- SATURDAY,

- OH, UNFORTUNATELY I'M ON DUTY.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S MAKE IT
SUNDAY THEN.

YOU MEET ME ON THE
FIRST TEE AT 9:45, PARTNER.

YOU'RE GETTING CLOSER,
MAN. WE ALMOST HAD LIFT-OFF.

IT'S NO USE, VINNIE. I CAN'T
GO THROUGH WITH THIS.

NO, NO, NO.

REMEMBER WHAT IT SAID AT THE BEGINNING
OF THE BOOK: GOLF IS AN EASY GAME.

JUST BE PATIENT.

- ONE MORE TIME.
- RIGHT.

HEAD DOWN.

SLOW AND EASY.

TAKE IT BACK.

SLOW AND EASY.

DON'T FORGET TO FOLLOW THROUGH.

YOU'RE GETTING THERE.

MY GOD, I RUINED THE RUG!

OH, THAT REMINDS ME.

ALWAYS REPLACE YOUR DIVOTS.

Jack: EXCUSE ME, DR. ZALUNKA,

I FOLLOWED UP ON THE SERUM ENZYMES FROM
THE TENNIS PLAYER WE REVIEWED YESTERDAY.

I ALSO FOUND AN ARTICLE IN THE
"NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF MEDICINE"

ON DIET AND CORONARY
DISEASE AND I COPIED IT FOR YOU.

- OH, THANK YOU, DR. McGUIRE.
- REALLY DOES PAY TO SAVE
THOSE JOURNALS.

THAT'S WHAT I TELL
HOWSER ALL THE TIME.

HE JUST READS THEM
AND THROWS THEM AWAY.

WELL, I'LL TAKE A LOOK AT IT
AS SOON AS I HAVE A MOMENT.

YOU KNOW, I MUST ADMIT,

WHEN I WAS FIRST
ASSIGNED TO PATHOLOGY,

I WASN'T DOING
HANDSPRINGS, BUT...

I LIKE IT SO MUCH, I'M THINKING
OF CHANGING IT TO MY SPECIALTY.

- REALLY? Dr. Zalunka,
call the operator.

- Dr. Zalunka call
the operator, please.
- WHOA, JUST A SECOND.

Physical therapy,
Dr. Chen to physical therapy.

HELLO, THIS IS DR. ZALUNKA.

OH, YEAH. PUT HIM ON.

'ALLO, JEAN-PIERRE.

OH, NO, THAT'S TOO BAD. I WAS
HOPING YOU COULD MAKE IT.

NO, NO, NO. I UNDERSTAND.

WELL, YOU KNOW I PUT A BID IN
ON THAT '45 CHATEAU PETRUS.

THANK YOU. I HOPE I GET IT TOO.

ALL RIGHT. CALL ME
WHEN YOU GET BACK.

UM-HMM. AU REVOIR. MM.

SO, YOU'RE INTO WINE?

- UM, I'M A COLLECTOR.
- HOW ABOUT THAT?

I HAVE A MODERATE
LITTLE CELLAR MYSELF.

OH, HOW INTERESTING.
WHAT, IMPORTED? DOMESTIC?

I WOULDN'T LET A
DOMESTIC TOUCH THESE LIPS.

YOU LIKE THE FRENCH.

WHAT ELSE IS THERE?

SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE
GOING AFTER BIG GAME.

'45 CHATEAU PETRUS.

WOW. THE CROWN JEWEL
OF ANYONE'S CELLAR.

WELL, I PUT IN A SIZABLE BID.

I TASTED A CHATEAU PETRUS ONCE.

TRULY A RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

I DON'T THINK THERE'S EVER
BEEN A TRUER MARRIAGE

OF SOIL, SUN AND FRUIT.

DO YOU... ATTEND MANY TASTINGS?

YES, BUT NEVER IN THE STATES.

PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE
TO GO TO ONE TONIGHT?

WITH ME?

I'D LOVE TO.

Dr. Goldfarb to maternity,
Dr. Goldfarb to maternity.

$5 NASSAU, TWO DOWN
AUTOMATIC PRESS.

- Man: PRETTY GOOD.
- Marcus: THAT OKAY
WITH YOU, HOWSER?

OH, YEAH, YEAH,
SURE. NASSAU'S FINE.

GOOD SHOT. CADDY?!

COMING!

REMEMBER, DOOG.

KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN, EYE
ON THE BALL, FOLLOW THROUGH,

- FIRM GRIP AND PRAY.
- RIGHT.

THERE WE GO.

WAY TO GO, DOOGIE!

GOOD HIT.

Man: LOOKS LIKE WE
GOT A PLAYER HERE.

GLAD I DON'T HAVE TO
WALK AFTER THAT ONE.

♪ HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU HIT ME
WITH YOUR BEST SHOT? ♪

♪ HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT ♪

♪ FIRE AWAY ♪

♪ YOU COME ON WITH A COME
ON, YOU DON'T FIGHT FAIR ♪

♪ BUT THAT'S OKAY,
SEE IF I CARE ♪

♪ KNOCK ME DOWN,
IT'S ALL IN VAIN ♪

♪ I'LL GET RIGHT BACK
ON MY FEET AGAIN ♪

♪ HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU HIT ME
WITH YOUR BEST SHOT? ♪

♪ HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT ♪

- ♪ FIRE AWAY... ♪
- OH!

- F-FORE!
- All: FORE!

♪ HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU HIT ME
WITH YOUR BEST SHOT? ♪

♪ HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT ♪

♪ FIRE AWAY. ♪

GOT IT!

Man: SIX HOLES, SIX DOWN.

- THAT'S ANOTHER
AUTOMATIC PRESS.
- JUST NOT YOUR DAY, MARCUS.

NOT MY DAY, NOT MY MONTH,

NOT MY YEAR, NOT MY LIFE.

- FAINT.
- WHAT?

FAINT, PASS OUT, FALL DOWN,
PRETEND YOU'RE UNCONSCIOUS.

- WHY?
- JUST DO IT.

Doogie: VINNIE? VINNIE?

VINNIE? YOU ALL RIGHT, VINNIE?

UH, YEAH, SURE. WHERE AM I?

MY FRIEND SUFFERS
FROM HYPOGLYCEMIA.

I'VE GOTTA GET HIM
TO SOME GLUCOSE.

SURE, I UNDERSTAND. BE MY GUEST.

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

BY THE WAY,

YOUR FRIEND FAKES BEING SICK
BETTER THAN YOU FAKE PLAYING GOLF.

WHICH ISN'T SAYING MUCH.

Man: ALL RIGHT, I'M READY.

MARVELOUS BOUQUET.

CONGRATULATIONS, HELEN.

OH, THANK YOU,
JOSEPH. I AM SO THRILLED.

OH, BEYOND...

OH, BEYOND ANYTHING I GUESS.

I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO
LAY IT DOWN IN MY CELLAR.

- MAY I SEE IT?
- OH, MMM.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF
HELEN'S LITTLE TREASURE?

I BET IT'LL GO GREAT WITH A
NICE BIG JUICY CUT OF ROAST BEEF.

YOU NEVER SERVE A WINE
LIKE THAT WITH A DINNER.

I WAS JOKING! I KNOW
THAT! OF COURSE...

A WINE LIKE THAT
SHOULD ALWAYS...

BE SAVORED... ALONE.

SHALL WE OPEN IT

SO WE CAN GET ON
WITH THE SAVORING?

- Woman: WHAT?
- JACK, THAT BOTTLE
COST ME $2300.

RIGHT. IT DID, DIDN'T IT?

HELEN TELLS ME YOU HAVE
QUITE A CACHE OF WINE YOURSELF.

YEAH, REDS MOSTLY.

WHAT REGION?

UH...

SOME IN THE SOUTH.

SOME IN THE NORTH.

Jack: A FEW IN THE...

EAST.

AND... WEST.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE NOSE, DOCTOR?

LOOKS FANTASTIC! I COULDN'T
EVEN TELL YOU HAD IT DONE.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE
BOUQUET OF THE SAUVIGNON.

OH, RIGHT. THAT NOSE.

UH, IT'S A GOOD ONE.
IT SMELLS DAMN GOOD.

'75 WAS A SPLENDID SUMMER,

A VERY FINE VINTAGE.

SURPRISINGLY FORWARD
AND MATURE LOOKING.

DEEP FLAVORS.

A LONG FINISH, FULL
BODIED AND YET...

NOT VERY TANNIC.

YEAH, EXACTLY.

EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME, PARDON ME.

McGUIRE, I THINK YOU MAY
BE OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE HERE.

- JUST CUT THE ACT.
- WHAT ACT?

YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT WINE, DO YOU?

I DO. I'M JUST A LITTLE NERVOUS.

- YOU MAKE ME NERVOUS.
- OH, WILL YOU...

DR. McGUIRE,

WOULD YOU LIKE TO
TAKE A LOOK AT THE PRIZE?

SURE.

I JUST WANTED TO TELL
YOU YOU'RE A SHOO-IN.

- Jack: NO, SPORT, YOU ARE.
- OH, NO, NO.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID.

I PLAYED GOLF WITH MARCUS.

COST HIM OVER 100
BUCKS AND CHANGE IN BETS.

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT I DID TO ZALUNKA.

NO, JACK. NOT THAT.

NO, NOT THAT. WORSE.

I BROKE HER $2300
BOTTLE OF WINE.

WHOA.

- I GUESS WE BOTH
BOMBED OUT.
- YEAH.

GUYS, GUYS.

I HAD DINNER WITH
MARSHA LAST NIGHT.

I KNOW WHO THE
RESIDENT OF THE YEAR IS.

- WHO WON?
- WHO IS IT?

SHE SAID IT WAS A DEAD
TIE. IT'S GOTTA BE YOU GUYS.

WE'VE MUST HAVE CANCELED EACH
OTHER OUT WITH OUR STUPID BEHAVIOR.

- CONGRATULATIONS,
RESIDENT OF THE YEAR.
- CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU,

RESIDENT OF THE YEAR. YES.

SO HE SAYS

"DOCTOR, MY SEX LIFE
ABSOLUTELY STINKS."

THE DOCTOR THINKS
FOR A MINUTE AND SAYS,

"YOU NEED EXERCISE.

I WANT YOU TO RUN
TWO MILES EVERY DAY.

IT'LL IMPROVE YOUR HEART RATE.
YOUR GENERAL WELL-BEING, SELF-IMAGE.

CALL ME IN A WEEK." A
WEEK LATER, THE MAN CALLS.

"WELL, DOC, I'VE BEEN RUNNING
TWO MILES A DAY JUST LIKE YOU SAID."

DOCTOR SAYS, "SO
HOW'S YOUR SEX LIFE?"

THE MAN SAYS,

All: "I DON'T KNOW. I'M
14 MILES FROM HOME."

I... GUESS YOU'VE
ALL HEARD THAT ONE.

Man: ONE YEAR AGO.
SAME PLACE, SAME TIME.

WELL, ENOUGH LEVITY. LET'S GET ON
TO THE REASON WE'RE ALL HERE TONIGHT.

OF ALL THE DUTIES I
HAVE HERE AT EASTMAN,

I THINK THIS NEXT
ONE IS MY FAVORITE...

HANDING OUT THE COVETED
RESIDENT OF THE YEAR AWARD.

I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU THE
PRESTIGE OF THIS HONOR, OR HOW MUCH

IT HAS MEANT TO THE
CAREERS OF PAST RECIPIENTS.

THE RESULTS THIS
YEAR WERE THE CLOSEST

IN THE HISTORY OF THE AWARD.

IN FACT, IT WAS SO CLOSE,
THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME,

WE HAVE A TIE.

THE CO-WINNERS ARE TWO YOUNG MEN

WHO ARE TRUE TEAM PLAYERS.

TWO MEN...

WHO HAVE SACRIFICED THEIR INDIVIDUAL
NEEDS FOR THE GOOD OF THE HOSPITAL,

THEIR FELLOW DOCTORS,
AND THEIR PATIENTS.

TWO MEN WHOSE UNFLAGGING
ENERGY AND THIRST FOR KNOWLEDGE

HAVE LED THEM TO
THE TOP OF THEIR CLASS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE
YOU THE RESIDENTS OF THE YEAR,

DOCTORS JERRY KIRSH
AND MILES WHITLEY!

SO WHERE IS IT? LET
ME SEE THE AWARD.

I DIDN'T WIN IT.

McGUIRE GOT IT?

SON OF A GUN.

NO, HE DIDN'T WIN
EITHER. WE BOTH MANAGED

TO SNATCH DEFEAT FROM
THE JAWS OF VICTORY.

I LEARNED A HUGE LESSON, VIN.

- YEAH, WHAT?
- I WAS BLINDED
BY AMBITION.

I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT
MY FRIENDSHIP WITH McGUIRE.

AND I EMBARRASSED MYSELF IN FRONT
OF MY SUPERIORS. I DESERVED TO LOSE.

QUIT BEATING
YOURSELF UP ABOUT THIS.

OUT OF EVERY BAD
EXPERIENCE, COMES SOME GOOD.

- THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD
COMING OUT OF THIS ONE.
- SURE THERE IS!

YOU DID SOMETHING THAT
NO OTHER MORTAL MAN

IN THE HISTORY OF
ALL MANKIND HAS DONE.

WHAT'S THAT?

YOU ARE THE FIRST GOLFER EVER

TO TAKE A FREE DROP OUT OF
AN OLD LADY'S CHICKEN SALAD.

YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF.

BEAT IT, WILL YA? I GOTTA GET OUT
OF THESE CLOTHES AND INTO BED.

GOOD NIGHT, DOOG.

Vinnie: FORE!