Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989–1993): Season 1, Episode 16 - It Ain't Over Till Mrs. Howser Sings - full transcript
When Doogie's mom mammogram reveals a lump on her breast that turns out to be benign, she decides that she is going to start living her life to the fullest, which includes singing at a nightclub.
Vinnie: THAT WAS THE DAY
YOUR OLD MAN TOOK US
- TO DISNEYLAND, REMEMBER?
- Doogie: YEAH.
LOOK AT YOU, WHAT A PINHEAD. YOU
WENT FOR THE MINNIE MOUSE EARS.
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO
KNOW THEY WERE GIRLS' EARS?
Vinnie: BESIDES, IT TAKES A REAL
STUD TO BRING OFF A POLKA-DOT BOW.
Howser: HEY, WHAT
ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
I THOUGHT WE WERE
CLEANING OUT THE GARAGE.
THIS REEL WILL BE OVER
IN TWO MINUTES, DAD.
I'M TRANSFIXED BY VINNIE
MAKING A FOOL OF HIMSELF.
Vinnie: STUFF IT, HOWSER.
HEY, LOOK AT THAT.
I REMEMBER THAT POOL.
GET A LOAD OF JACQUES COUSTEAU!
ZEE DAREDEVIL OF
ZEE WADING POOL.
Doogie: THERE YOU GO.
NOTHING CHANGES. YOU
WERE A LECH EVEN THEN.
Vinnie: THAT SUZY BERLUTTI
SURE COULD FILL OUT A SUN-SUIT.
- Vinnie: WHAT HAPPENED?
- Doogie: YOU KNOW HOW
OLD HOME MOVIES ARE,
EVERYTHING GETS
SPLICED TOGETHER.
Vinnie: HIPPIES?
WHAT ARE THESE, HOME
MOVIES FROM A MUMMY'S TOMB?
THEY LOOK GOOFY, DON'T THEY?
Vinnie: THE GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF
DORKS BUT THE BABE IS A GOOD SINGER.
Doogie: HOW CAN YOU TELL?
Vinnie: ARE YOU KIDDING?
LOOK AT THAT HIP ACTION.
Vinnie: THAT'S TALENT.
Vinnie: WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S NO BABE,
THAT'S YOUR MOTHER!
HOLY MOLY! THAT IS MY MOTHER!
BOY DOES SHE HAVE
SOME EXPLAINING TO DO.
Doogie: YOU WERE IN
A ROCK BAND, MOM?
WHAT'S THE STORY?
OKAY...
WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE, A
FRIEND OF MINE HAD A BAND.
I HAD A DECENT VOICE.
THE NEXT THING I KNEW,
I WAS LEAD SINGER FOR
"MOTHER EARTH AND THE PAGANS."
AND YOU THINK YOU KNOW SOMEBODY.
I AM PERSONALLY STUNNED.
Howser: WHAT...
AM I THE ONLY IDIOT
CLEANING OUT THE GARAGE?
DAD, WE JUST SAW
MOM IN A HOME MOVIE,
AND SHE WAS IN A BAND.
I KNOW, "MOTHER
EARTH AND THE PAGANS."
THE FRIGHTENING THING IS THE
BASS PLAYER WAS "MOTHER EARTH."
ANYTHING YOU DON'T
WANT GOES IN THE TRASH.
YOU CAN'T THROW
OUT MY TAMBOURINE.
LOOK AT ALL THIS GREAT STUFF.
"BAN THE BRA." THERE'S A
MOVEMENT I CAN SUPPORT.
LIKE, FAR OUT, MAN, WHICH
WAY TO WOODSTOCK?
OH, THAT. WOULD HAVE BEEN A LOT MORE
FUN IF THEY HAD HAD NICER PORTA-POTTIES.
HOLD IT. YOU'RE TELLING US
YOU WERE AT WOODSTOCK?
MM-HMM. CHECK FOR YOURSELF.
SEE THIS GREEN DOT?
THAT'S ME.
Both: WHOA!
DAD, DID YOU KNOW
SHE WAS IN WOODSTOCK?
YES.
BUT I MARRIED HER ANYWAY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK? I
WAS BORN A DOCTOR'S WIFE?
I GUESS I NEVER THOUGHT
MUCH ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE LIKE,
YOU KNOW, BEFORE ME.
YOU OUGHT TO ASK MORE QUESTIONS.
I WAS A PRETTY
INTERESTING PERSON.
I TOLD SPAULDING VICE PRESIDENT
QUAYLE CAME INTO OUR EMERGENCY ROOM
COMPLAINING OF MEMORY
LOSS, AND TO PROVE IT...
I SHOWED HER THIS X-RAY.
- Doogie: A PEANUT!
- Jack: SCARY THING IS
FOR A MINUTE SHE BELIEVED ME.
LOOK AT THAT.
THIS WOMAN HAS A
MASS IN HER BREAST.
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU DOING, HOWSER?
OH, WE'RE JUST USING
THE LIGHT-BOX, SY.
YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS
LOOKING AT MY PATIENT" FILMS.
ALL I DID WAS LOOK AT A
MAMMOGRAM, SY. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
MOM?
DOOGIE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME?
I SAW YOUR MAMMOGRAM.
OH.
DOOGIE, MOST OF THE TIME
THESE LUMPS MEAN NOTHING.
BUT WHY AM I TELLING
YOU? YOU KNOW THAT.
WELL, I KNOW THE STATISTICS,
BUT HOW ARE YOU TAKING THIS?
OH, I'M FINE.
I CAN THINK OF BETTER
WAYS TO SPEND A MORNING
THAN HAVING A BIOPSY,
BUT I'M NOT WORRIED.
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.
- DOES DAD KNOW?
- YES.
I CALLED HIM.
WHEN IS IT?
TOMORROW MORNING, 8:00.
YOU'RE GOING TO
BE IN GOOD HANDS.
SY BERNSTEIN'S AN
EXCELLENT SURGEON.
- I'D TRUST HIM WITH MY OWN...
- MOTHER?
YEAH.
DOOGIE, GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL.
USE YOUR BEDSIDE MANNER ON
SOMEBODY WHO REALLY NEEDS IT. I'M FINE.
- TRUST ME.
- ARE YOU SURE?
POSITIVE.
I'M REALLY NOT WORRIED.
THAT GUITARIST WAS A
REAL STRANGE RANGER.
THAT'S HOWLIN' WOLF GOLDSTEIN.
TODAY HE'S AN ORTHODONTIST
IN WALNUT CREEK.
I BET HE NEVER SAW THAT COMING.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
NONE OF US DID.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MOM?
WELL...
WHEN I WAS 19,
I HAD GREAT PLANS.
I WAS GONNA BE A LAWYER BY DAY,
LINDA RONSTADT AT NIGHT.
I WAS GONNA BACKPACK
AROUND EUROPE.
WITH A SIDE TRIP TO INDIA
TO VISIT THE MAHARISHI.
THEN...
AFTER HELPING THE
POOR AND OPPRESSED,
I THOUGHT I COULD
BE A FAMOUS ARTIST,
AND LIVE ON A MEAT-FREE
COMMUNE IN NEW MEXICO.
BUT INSTEAD, YOU MET
DAD AND HAD ME, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
ARE YOU SORRY YOU
GAVE UP ALL THOSE THINGS?
BUT I DIDN'T GIVE
THEM UP, DOOGIE.
I JUST... PUT THEM ON HOLD.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT SOMEDAY
I'D GET AROUND TO THEM.
NOW HERE I AM, FACING A BIOPSY,
AND I'M THINKING...
WHAT IF THIS IS IT?
YOU WARM ENOUGH, MRS. HOWSER?
YES, I'M FINE.
YOU'RE LOOKING MIGHTY
FINE, MRS. HOWSER.
THE ONLY WOMAN ALIVE WHO COULD
LOOK SEXY IN A HOSPITAL GOWN.
- Mrs. Howser: OH, ALVIN.
- Curly: THIS WILL ALL BE OVER
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
- THANKS, CURLY.
- HELLO, KATHERINE.
HELLO, SY.
Sy: WE'LL START IN
JUST A FEW MINUTES.
Dr. Howser: SHE'S
GONNA BE FINE. I KNOW IT.
Doogie: SHE LOOKS CALM,
DON'T YOU THINK, DAD?
YEAH, SHE DOES.
Nurse: ALL RIGHT, MRS. HOWSER,
WE'RE READY TO START.
Nurse: COUNT BACKWARDS
FROM 10 FOR ME, PLEASE.
10...
NINE...
EIGHT...
SEVEN...
SIX...
IT'S BENIGN.
OKAY MOM, BE CAREFUL.
WATCH YOUR STEP.
THE KITCHEN IS THE SECOND-MOST-DANGEROUS
ROOM IN THE WHOLE HOUSE.
EASY, EASY.
Howser: I WANT YOU TO GO
RIGHT UP TO BED, KATHERINE.
WHAT YOU NEED IS
SOME PEACE AND QUIET.
OH, LORD.
MRS. HOWSER, IT IS SO
GREAT TO HAVE YOU HOME.
WE WERE WORRIED SICK
ABOUT YOU. CAN I HAVE A HUG?
SURE, VINNIE.
ONLY IF IT'S COPACETIC
WITH YOU, DR. HOWSER.
I'M REALLY GLAD YOU'RE OKAY.
THAT'S SWEET, VINNIE.
MY MOM SENT YOU BAKED ZITI,
TWO MEATBALLS EACH WITH ONE
EXTRA FOR THE CONVALESCEE.
TELL YOUR MOTHER
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU OUGHT TO TASTE IT
BEFORE YOU GET TOO EXCITED.
Howser: AS YOUR
DOCTOR, KATHERINE,
I REALLY THINK YOU
SHOULD GET SOME REST.
ALL RIGHT, BUT FIRST,
I WANNA MAKE SURE
NOBODY MAKES ANY PLANS
FOR NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT.
WHY, MOM?
WELL, THERE'S THIS LITTLE
NIGHT CLUB IN THE VALLEY
THAT HAS AN OPEN MIKE. ANYONE WHO
WANTS TO CAN JUST GET UP AND SING.
SO I'VE DECIDED NEXT
SATURDAY NIGHT, I'M GONNA DO IT.
AND I WANT YOU ALL TO BE THERE.
THIS IS A LITTLE OUT OF THE
BLUE, ISN'T IT, KATHERINE?
SO WAS THAT LUMP, DAVID.
IT SENT ME A BIG MESSAGE.
I DON'T HAVE FOREVER.
I THINK THERE'S A LOT OF
UNFINISHED BUSINESS IN MY LIFE.
IF I'M EVER GONNA GET TO
IT, I'D BETTER GET TO IT NOW.
- SO YOU WANNA BE
A SINGER, MOM?
- MAYBE.
NO.
I DON'T KNOW, I JUST WANNA
DO MORE WITH MY LIFE.
THERE'S MORE TO BEING
KATHERINE HOWSER
THAN JUST BEING YOUR
WIFE AND YOUR MOTHER.
IF I CAN FIND THE
GUTS TO DO THIS,
I CAN GET OUT THERE
AND DO ANYTHING.
I'M REALLY GETTING
EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
WAY TO GO, MRS. HOWSER.
GIVE ME FIVE.
HI, DAD.
HI, SON.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOUR MOTHER IS SELECTING A
SONG TO SING SATURDAY NIGHT,
SO I VOLUNTEERED TO MAKE DINNER.
HEY, I'M A 90s KIND OF GUY.
SURE, DAD.
Katherine: ♪ THESE BOOTS
ARE MADE FOR WALKIN' ♪
♪ AND THAT'S JUST
WHAT THEY'LL DO ♪
♪ ONE OF THESE DAYS
THESE BOOTS ARE GONNA ♪
♪ WALK ALL OVER YOU. ♪
UH, SHE'S NOT GONNA
SING THAT, IS SHE, DAD?
DAMN!
NO.
MOM'S REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
SHE'S INVITED PRACTICALLY
EVERYONE WE KNOW.
OH REALLY?
♪ I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR ♪
♪ IN NUMBERS TOO BIG TO IGNORE ♪
♪ AND I KNOW TOO MUCH
TO GO BACK TO PRETENDIN'. ♪
YOU KNOW, DAD, MAYBE
SINGING'S NOT SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
PUBLIC HUMILIATION
ISN'T A BIG...
CONFIDENCE BOOSTER.
DOUGLAS, GIVE HER A CHANCE.
♪ THERE'S GOT TO
BE A MORNING AFTER ♪
♪ IF WE CAN MAKE IT
THROUGH THE NIGHT. ♪
GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE.
♪ FEELINGS ♪
- ♪ NOTHING MORE
THAN FEELINGS... ♪
- I'LL TALK TO HER.
MAYBE WE SHOULD BOTH GO,
AND LET'S BE REALLY SENSITIVE.
♪ TRYING TO FORGET MY... ♪
WE'RE HEALERS, WE CAN HANDLE IT.
♪ FEELINGS OF LOVE. ♪
♪ WORKIN' 9 TO 5 ♪
♪ WHAT A WAY TO MAKE A LIVIN' ♪
♪ BARELY GETTIN' BY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL TAKIN'
AND NO GIVIN' ♪
♪ THEY JUST USE YOUR MIND ♪
♪ AND THEY NEVER
GIVE YOU CREDIT ♪
♪ IT'S ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOU ♪
♪ CRAZY IF YOU LET IT ♪
♪ WORKIN' 9 TO 5 ♪
♪ WHAT A WAY TO MAKE A... ♪
GOSH, THERE ARE SO MANY
WONDERFUL SONGS TO CHOOSE FROM.
YEAH, MOM. GREAT TUNES.
HONEY...
ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE
YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DAVID?
WE JUST WANNA MAKE SURE
THAT IF IT'S CONFIDENCE YOU WANT,
IT'S CONFIDENCE THAT YOU GET.
YOU'RE TRYING
TO TELL ME I STINK.
NO, KATHERINE.
NO, MOM, IT'S JUST THAT
YOU HAVE SO MANY TALENTS
IN SO MANY AREAS,
WE WANNA MAKE SURE THAT YOU
HAVE CHOSEN IS THE RIGHT ONE TO...
TO HIGHLIGHT.
AND YOU'RE AFRAID I'M
GONNA EMBARRASS YOU.
- NO, NO, NO.
- MOM, THAT'S CRAZY.
LISTEN...
I HAVE ALWAYS STOOD
BEHIND BOTH OF YOU,
EVEN WHEN I DIDN'T
AGREE WITH YOU.
EVEN WHEN YOU MADE FOOLS OF
YOURSELVES, I CHEERED YOU ON.
BECAUSE... I LOVED YOU.
AND THAT'S CALLED
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
I GIVE IT, AND I
DESERVE TO GET IT BACK.
SO ON SATURDAY NIGHT, YOU'D
BETTER BE THERE, BOTH OF YOU,
SITTING DOWN FRONT,
SMILING AND APPLAUDING,
AND LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT,
NO MATTER WHAT
HAPPENS. YOU GOT ME?
WE'D BETTER GET THERE EARLY.
♪ THEY WERE CALLING WILDFIRE ♪
♪ THEY WERE CALLING WILDFIRE ♪
♪ THEY WERE CALLING WILD... ♪
♪ FIRE ♪
♪ WILDFIRE ♪
♪ THEY WERE CALLING WILDFIRE ♪
♪ THEY WERE CALLING WILD... ♪
♪ FIRE ♪
♪ WILD... ♪
♪ FIRE ♪
THAT'S GREAT. HOW
ABOUT IT FOR JIM?
SY, THANK YOU FOR COMING.
- HI EVERYBODY!
- All: HI!
Jack: YOU NERVOUS?
NO, PETRIFIED.
YOU'RE GONNA KNOCK 'EM DEAD.
YEAH, AND...
I'M GONNA TAPE IT
FOR ALL POSTERITY.
WELL, GOOD. I THINK.
OKAY, NEXT WE HAVE A
REALLY GREAT SINGER.
SHE'S OUR FAVORITE
SECRETARY FROM CENTURY CITY.
HER NAME'S DAMITA JO
TODD. GIVE HER A BIG HAND.
WELL, IM NEXT, SO
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'M GONNA GO PULL
MYSELF TOGETHER.
- KNOCK 'EM DEAD, MRS. H.
- Curly: BREAK A LEG!
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU,
DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU,
DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ OH BABY ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE ♪
- ♪ AND HOLD MY HAND... ♪
- DAVID?
SHE'S SINGING MY SONG.
WHAT, HONEY?
THAT'S THE SONG I
WAS GOING TO DO.
"DO YOU WANNA DANCE?"
SHE'S SINGING MY SONG.
WELL, THAT'S NOT VERY NICE.
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
AND SHE'S BETTER THAN ME.
NO SHE'S NOT.
ARE WE LISTENING
TO THE SAME WOMAN?
SWEETHEART, WILL YOU RELAX?
YOU'VE BEEN A PROFESSIONAL.
THAT WOMAN'S ONLY A SECRETARY.
DON'T WORRY, MRS. H. YOU'RE
GONNA BLOW HER OFF THE STAGE.
Backup singers: ♪ DO YOU, DO YOU,
DO YOU, DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU,
DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU,
DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA ♪
♪ DANCE WITH ME, BABY ♪
♪ DANCE WITH ME, BABY ♪
♪ I CAN DANCE ♪
♪ I CAN DANCE WITH YOU, BABY. ♪
I CAN'T DO THIS.
YOU KNOW, MOM...
GOOD NIGHT.
WELL, SO MUCH FOR KATHERINE
HOWSER'S COMING-OUT PARTY.
HOW COULD I EVER
THINK I COULD DO THIS?
MY MIND MUST HAVE BEEN
AFFECTED BY THE ANESTHESIA.
YOU HAD A SETBACK.
I CHICKENED OUT.
OKAY, SO YOU CHICKENED OUT.
SO WHAT? THERE WILL
BE OTHER CHANCES,
OTHER WAYS FOR YOU TO GET OUT
IN THE WORLD AND PROVE YOURSELF.
YOU CAN DO IT, KATHERINE.
I KNOW YOU.
ALL I HAD TO DO
WAS SING ONE STUPID SONG.
IT'S NOT TOO LATE.
WHAT?
WHY DON'T YOU SING YOUR SONG...
TO ME?
HUH-UH, I COULDN'T.
COME ON, I AM A
VERY GOOD AUDIENCE.
OH, DAVID, I DON'T
THINK THAT I SHOULD...
SHH.
- DAVID, I JUST...
- SHH.
I LOVE YOU, KATHERINE.
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE ♪
♪ AND HOLD MY HAND ♪
♪ TELL ME YOU'RE MY LOVER MAN? ♪
♪ OH BABY ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE ♪
♪ UNDER THE MOONLIGHT? ♪
♪ HUG AND KISS ♪
♪ ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT? ♪
♪ OH BABY ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA
DANCE WITH ME, BABY? ♪
♪ DO YOU ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU ♪
♪ WANT TO DANCE WITH ME, BABY? ♪
♪ UH-HUH, UH-HUH ♪
♪ DANCE WITH ME, BABY ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ OOH. ♪
YOUR OLD MAN TOOK US
- TO DISNEYLAND, REMEMBER?
- Doogie: YEAH.
LOOK AT YOU, WHAT A PINHEAD. YOU
WENT FOR THE MINNIE MOUSE EARS.
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO
KNOW THEY WERE GIRLS' EARS?
Vinnie: BESIDES, IT TAKES A REAL
STUD TO BRING OFF A POLKA-DOT BOW.
Howser: HEY, WHAT
ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
I THOUGHT WE WERE
CLEANING OUT THE GARAGE.
THIS REEL WILL BE OVER
IN TWO MINUTES, DAD.
I'M TRANSFIXED BY VINNIE
MAKING A FOOL OF HIMSELF.
Vinnie: STUFF IT, HOWSER.
HEY, LOOK AT THAT.
I REMEMBER THAT POOL.
GET A LOAD OF JACQUES COUSTEAU!
ZEE DAREDEVIL OF
ZEE WADING POOL.
Doogie: THERE YOU GO.
NOTHING CHANGES. YOU
WERE A LECH EVEN THEN.
Vinnie: THAT SUZY BERLUTTI
SURE COULD FILL OUT A SUN-SUIT.
- Vinnie: WHAT HAPPENED?
- Doogie: YOU KNOW HOW
OLD HOME MOVIES ARE,
EVERYTHING GETS
SPLICED TOGETHER.
Vinnie: HIPPIES?
WHAT ARE THESE, HOME
MOVIES FROM A MUMMY'S TOMB?
THEY LOOK GOOFY, DON'T THEY?
Vinnie: THE GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF
DORKS BUT THE BABE IS A GOOD SINGER.
Doogie: HOW CAN YOU TELL?
Vinnie: ARE YOU KIDDING?
LOOK AT THAT HIP ACTION.
Vinnie: THAT'S TALENT.
Vinnie: WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S NO BABE,
THAT'S YOUR MOTHER!
HOLY MOLY! THAT IS MY MOTHER!
BOY DOES SHE HAVE
SOME EXPLAINING TO DO.
Doogie: YOU WERE IN
A ROCK BAND, MOM?
WHAT'S THE STORY?
OKAY...
WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE, A
FRIEND OF MINE HAD A BAND.
I HAD A DECENT VOICE.
THE NEXT THING I KNEW,
I WAS LEAD SINGER FOR
"MOTHER EARTH AND THE PAGANS."
AND YOU THINK YOU KNOW SOMEBODY.
I AM PERSONALLY STUNNED.
Howser: WHAT...
AM I THE ONLY IDIOT
CLEANING OUT THE GARAGE?
DAD, WE JUST SAW
MOM IN A HOME MOVIE,
AND SHE WAS IN A BAND.
I KNOW, "MOTHER
EARTH AND THE PAGANS."
THE FRIGHTENING THING IS THE
BASS PLAYER WAS "MOTHER EARTH."
ANYTHING YOU DON'T
WANT GOES IN THE TRASH.
YOU CAN'T THROW
OUT MY TAMBOURINE.
LOOK AT ALL THIS GREAT STUFF.
"BAN THE BRA." THERE'S A
MOVEMENT I CAN SUPPORT.
LIKE, FAR OUT, MAN, WHICH
WAY TO WOODSTOCK?
OH, THAT. WOULD HAVE BEEN A LOT MORE
FUN IF THEY HAD HAD NICER PORTA-POTTIES.
HOLD IT. YOU'RE TELLING US
YOU WERE AT WOODSTOCK?
MM-HMM. CHECK FOR YOURSELF.
SEE THIS GREEN DOT?
THAT'S ME.
Both: WHOA!
DAD, DID YOU KNOW
SHE WAS IN WOODSTOCK?
YES.
BUT I MARRIED HER ANYWAY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK? I
WAS BORN A DOCTOR'S WIFE?
I GUESS I NEVER THOUGHT
MUCH ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE LIKE,
YOU KNOW, BEFORE ME.
YOU OUGHT TO ASK MORE QUESTIONS.
I WAS A PRETTY
INTERESTING PERSON.
I TOLD SPAULDING VICE PRESIDENT
QUAYLE CAME INTO OUR EMERGENCY ROOM
COMPLAINING OF MEMORY
LOSS, AND TO PROVE IT...
I SHOWED HER THIS X-RAY.
- Doogie: A PEANUT!
- Jack: SCARY THING IS
FOR A MINUTE SHE BELIEVED ME.
LOOK AT THAT.
THIS WOMAN HAS A
MASS IN HER BREAST.
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU DOING, HOWSER?
OH, WE'RE JUST USING
THE LIGHT-BOX, SY.
YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS
LOOKING AT MY PATIENT" FILMS.
ALL I DID WAS LOOK AT A
MAMMOGRAM, SY. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
MOM?
DOOGIE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME?
I SAW YOUR MAMMOGRAM.
OH.
DOOGIE, MOST OF THE TIME
THESE LUMPS MEAN NOTHING.
BUT WHY AM I TELLING
YOU? YOU KNOW THAT.
WELL, I KNOW THE STATISTICS,
BUT HOW ARE YOU TAKING THIS?
OH, I'M FINE.
I CAN THINK OF BETTER
WAYS TO SPEND A MORNING
THAN HAVING A BIOPSY,
BUT I'M NOT WORRIED.
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.
- DOES DAD KNOW?
- YES.
I CALLED HIM.
WHEN IS IT?
TOMORROW MORNING, 8:00.
YOU'RE GOING TO
BE IN GOOD HANDS.
SY BERNSTEIN'S AN
EXCELLENT SURGEON.
- I'D TRUST HIM WITH MY OWN...
- MOTHER?
YEAH.
DOOGIE, GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL.
USE YOUR BEDSIDE MANNER ON
SOMEBODY WHO REALLY NEEDS IT. I'M FINE.
- TRUST ME.
- ARE YOU SURE?
POSITIVE.
I'M REALLY NOT WORRIED.
THAT GUITARIST WAS A
REAL STRANGE RANGER.
THAT'S HOWLIN' WOLF GOLDSTEIN.
TODAY HE'S AN ORTHODONTIST
IN WALNUT CREEK.
I BET HE NEVER SAW THAT COMING.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
NONE OF US DID.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MOM?
WELL...
WHEN I WAS 19,
I HAD GREAT PLANS.
I WAS GONNA BE A LAWYER BY DAY,
LINDA RONSTADT AT NIGHT.
I WAS GONNA BACKPACK
AROUND EUROPE.
WITH A SIDE TRIP TO INDIA
TO VISIT THE MAHARISHI.
THEN...
AFTER HELPING THE
POOR AND OPPRESSED,
I THOUGHT I COULD
BE A FAMOUS ARTIST,
AND LIVE ON A MEAT-FREE
COMMUNE IN NEW MEXICO.
BUT INSTEAD, YOU MET
DAD AND HAD ME, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
ARE YOU SORRY YOU
GAVE UP ALL THOSE THINGS?
BUT I DIDN'T GIVE
THEM UP, DOOGIE.
I JUST... PUT THEM ON HOLD.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT SOMEDAY
I'D GET AROUND TO THEM.
NOW HERE I AM, FACING A BIOPSY,
AND I'M THINKING...
WHAT IF THIS IS IT?
YOU WARM ENOUGH, MRS. HOWSER?
YES, I'M FINE.
YOU'RE LOOKING MIGHTY
FINE, MRS. HOWSER.
THE ONLY WOMAN ALIVE WHO COULD
LOOK SEXY IN A HOSPITAL GOWN.
- Mrs. Howser: OH, ALVIN.
- Curly: THIS WILL ALL BE OVER
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
- THANKS, CURLY.
- HELLO, KATHERINE.
HELLO, SY.
Sy: WE'LL START IN
JUST A FEW MINUTES.
Dr. Howser: SHE'S
GONNA BE FINE. I KNOW IT.
Doogie: SHE LOOKS CALM,
DON'T YOU THINK, DAD?
YEAH, SHE DOES.
Nurse: ALL RIGHT, MRS. HOWSER,
WE'RE READY TO START.
Nurse: COUNT BACKWARDS
FROM 10 FOR ME, PLEASE.
10...
NINE...
EIGHT...
SEVEN...
SIX...
IT'S BENIGN.
OKAY MOM, BE CAREFUL.
WATCH YOUR STEP.
THE KITCHEN IS THE SECOND-MOST-DANGEROUS
ROOM IN THE WHOLE HOUSE.
EASY, EASY.
Howser: I WANT YOU TO GO
RIGHT UP TO BED, KATHERINE.
WHAT YOU NEED IS
SOME PEACE AND QUIET.
OH, LORD.
MRS. HOWSER, IT IS SO
GREAT TO HAVE YOU HOME.
WE WERE WORRIED SICK
ABOUT YOU. CAN I HAVE A HUG?
SURE, VINNIE.
ONLY IF IT'S COPACETIC
WITH YOU, DR. HOWSER.
I'M REALLY GLAD YOU'RE OKAY.
THAT'S SWEET, VINNIE.
MY MOM SENT YOU BAKED ZITI,
TWO MEATBALLS EACH WITH ONE
EXTRA FOR THE CONVALESCEE.
TELL YOUR MOTHER
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU OUGHT TO TASTE IT
BEFORE YOU GET TOO EXCITED.
Howser: AS YOUR
DOCTOR, KATHERINE,
I REALLY THINK YOU
SHOULD GET SOME REST.
ALL RIGHT, BUT FIRST,
I WANNA MAKE SURE
NOBODY MAKES ANY PLANS
FOR NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT.
WHY, MOM?
WELL, THERE'S THIS LITTLE
NIGHT CLUB IN THE VALLEY
THAT HAS AN OPEN MIKE. ANYONE WHO
WANTS TO CAN JUST GET UP AND SING.
SO I'VE DECIDED NEXT
SATURDAY NIGHT, I'M GONNA DO IT.
AND I WANT YOU ALL TO BE THERE.
THIS IS A LITTLE OUT OF THE
BLUE, ISN'T IT, KATHERINE?
SO WAS THAT LUMP, DAVID.
IT SENT ME A BIG MESSAGE.
I DON'T HAVE FOREVER.
I THINK THERE'S A LOT OF
UNFINISHED BUSINESS IN MY LIFE.
IF I'M EVER GONNA GET TO
IT, I'D BETTER GET TO IT NOW.
- SO YOU WANNA BE
A SINGER, MOM?
- MAYBE.
NO.
I DON'T KNOW, I JUST WANNA
DO MORE WITH MY LIFE.
THERE'S MORE TO BEING
KATHERINE HOWSER
THAN JUST BEING YOUR
WIFE AND YOUR MOTHER.
IF I CAN FIND THE
GUTS TO DO THIS,
I CAN GET OUT THERE
AND DO ANYTHING.
I'M REALLY GETTING
EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
WAY TO GO, MRS. HOWSER.
GIVE ME FIVE.
HI, DAD.
HI, SON.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOUR MOTHER IS SELECTING A
SONG TO SING SATURDAY NIGHT,
SO I VOLUNTEERED TO MAKE DINNER.
HEY, I'M A 90s KIND OF GUY.
SURE, DAD.
Katherine: ♪ THESE BOOTS
ARE MADE FOR WALKIN' ♪
♪ AND THAT'S JUST
WHAT THEY'LL DO ♪
♪ ONE OF THESE DAYS
THESE BOOTS ARE GONNA ♪
♪ WALK ALL OVER YOU. ♪
UH, SHE'S NOT GONNA
SING THAT, IS SHE, DAD?
DAMN!
NO.
MOM'S REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
SHE'S INVITED PRACTICALLY
EVERYONE WE KNOW.
OH REALLY?
♪ I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR ♪
♪ IN NUMBERS TOO BIG TO IGNORE ♪
♪ AND I KNOW TOO MUCH
TO GO BACK TO PRETENDIN'. ♪
YOU KNOW, DAD, MAYBE
SINGING'S NOT SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
PUBLIC HUMILIATION
ISN'T A BIG...
CONFIDENCE BOOSTER.
DOUGLAS, GIVE HER A CHANCE.
♪ THERE'S GOT TO
BE A MORNING AFTER ♪
♪ IF WE CAN MAKE IT
THROUGH THE NIGHT. ♪
GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE.
♪ FEELINGS ♪
- ♪ NOTHING MORE
THAN FEELINGS... ♪
- I'LL TALK TO HER.
MAYBE WE SHOULD BOTH GO,
AND LET'S BE REALLY SENSITIVE.
♪ TRYING TO FORGET MY... ♪
WE'RE HEALERS, WE CAN HANDLE IT.
♪ FEELINGS OF LOVE. ♪
♪ WORKIN' 9 TO 5 ♪
♪ WHAT A WAY TO MAKE A LIVIN' ♪
♪ BARELY GETTIN' BY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL TAKIN'
AND NO GIVIN' ♪
♪ THEY JUST USE YOUR MIND ♪
♪ AND THEY NEVER
GIVE YOU CREDIT ♪
♪ IT'S ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOU ♪
♪ CRAZY IF YOU LET IT ♪
♪ WORKIN' 9 TO 5 ♪
♪ WHAT A WAY TO MAKE A... ♪
GOSH, THERE ARE SO MANY
WONDERFUL SONGS TO CHOOSE FROM.
YEAH, MOM. GREAT TUNES.
HONEY...
ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE
YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DAVID?
WE JUST WANNA MAKE SURE
THAT IF IT'S CONFIDENCE YOU WANT,
IT'S CONFIDENCE THAT YOU GET.
YOU'RE TRYING
TO TELL ME I STINK.
NO, KATHERINE.
NO, MOM, IT'S JUST THAT
YOU HAVE SO MANY TALENTS
IN SO MANY AREAS,
WE WANNA MAKE SURE THAT YOU
HAVE CHOSEN IS THE RIGHT ONE TO...
TO HIGHLIGHT.
AND YOU'RE AFRAID I'M
GONNA EMBARRASS YOU.
- NO, NO, NO.
- MOM, THAT'S CRAZY.
LISTEN...
I HAVE ALWAYS STOOD
BEHIND BOTH OF YOU,
EVEN WHEN I DIDN'T
AGREE WITH YOU.
EVEN WHEN YOU MADE FOOLS OF
YOURSELVES, I CHEERED YOU ON.
BECAUSE... I LOVED YOU.
AND THAT'S CALLED
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
I GIVE IT, AND I
DESERVE TO GET IT BACK.
SO ON SATURDAY NIGHT, YOU'D
BETTER BE THERE, BOTH OF YOU,
SITTING DOWN FRONT,
SMILING AND APPLAUDING,
AND LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT,
NO MATTER WHAT
HAPPENS. YOU GOT ME?
WE'D BETTER GET THERE EARLY.
♪ THEY WERE CALLING WILDFIRE ♪
♪ THEY WERE CALLING WILDFIRE ♪
♪ THEY WERE CALLING WILD... ♪
♪ FIRE ♪
♪ WILDFIRE ♪
♪ THEY WERE CALLING WILDFIRE ♪
♪ THEY WERE CALLING WILD... ♪
♪ FIRE ♪
♪ WILD... ♪
♪ FIRE ♪
THAT'S GREAT. HOW
ABOUT IT FOR JIM?
SY, THANK YOU FOR COMING.
- HI EVERYBODY!
- All: HI!
Jack: YOU NERVOUS?
NO, PETRIFIED.
YOU'RE GONNA KNOCK 'EM DEAD.
YEAH, AND...
I'M GONNA TAPE IT
FOR ALL POSTERITY.
WELL, GOOD. I THINK.
OKAY, NEXT WE HAVE A
REALLY GREAT SINGER.
SHE'S OUR FAVORITE
SECRETARY FROM CENTURY CITY.
HER NAME'S DAMITA JO
TODD. GIVE HER A BIG HAND.
WELL, IM NEXT, SO
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'M GONNA GO PULL
MYSELF TOGETHER.
- KNOCK 'EM DEAD, MRS. H.
- Curly: BREAK A LEG!
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU,
DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU,
DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ OH BABY ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE ♪
- ♪ AND HOLD MY HAND... ♪
- DAVID?
SHE'S SINGING MY SONG.
WHAT, HONEY?
THAT'S THE SONG I
WAS GOING TO DO.
"DO YOU WANNA DANCE?"
SHE'S SINGING MY SONG.
WELL, THAT'S NOT VERY NICE.
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
AND SHE'S BETTER THAN ME.
NO SHE'S NOT.
ARE WE LISTENING
TO THE SAME WOMAN?
SWEETHEART, WILL YOU RELAX?
YOU'VE BEEN A PROFESSIONAL.
THAT WOMAN'S ONLY A SECRETARY.
DON'T WORRY, MRS. H. YOU'RE
GONNA BLOW HER OFF THE STAGE.
Backup singers: ♪ DO YOU, DO YOU,
DO YOU, DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU,
DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU,
DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA ♪
♪ DANCE WITH ME, BABY ♪
♪ DANCE WITH ME, BABY ♪
♪ I CAN DANCE ♪
♪ I CAN DANCE WITH YOU, BABY. ♪
I CAN'T DO THIS.
YOU KNOW, MOM...
GOOD NIGHT.
WELL, SO MUCH FOR KATHERINE
HOWSER'S COMING-OUT PARTY.
HOW COULD I EVER
THINK I COULD DO THIS?
MY MIND MUST HAVE BEEN
AFFECTED BY THE ANESTHESIA.
YOU HAD A SETBACK.
I CHICKENED OUT.
OKAY, SO YOU CHICKENED OUT.
SO WHAT? THERE WILL
BE OTHER CHANCES,
OTHER WAYS FOR YOU TO GET OUT
IN THE WORLD AND PROVE YOURSELF.
YOU CAN DO IT, KATHERINE.
I KNOW YOU.
ALL I HAD TO DO
WAS SING ONE STUPID SONG.
IT'S NOT TOO LATE.
WHAT?
WHY DON'T YOU SING YOUR SONG...
TO ME?
HUH-UH, I COULDN'T.
COME ON, I AM A
VERY GOOD AUDIENCE.
OH, DAVID, I DON'T
THINK THAT I SHOULD...
SHH.
- DAVID, I JUST...
- SHH.
I LOVE YOU, KATHERINE.
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE ♪
♪ AND HOLD MY HAND ♪
♪ TELL ME YOU'RE MY LOVER MAN? ♪
♪ OH BABY ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE ♪
♪ UNDER THE MOONLIGHT? ♪
♪ HUG AND KISS ♪
♪ ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT? ♪
♪ OH BABY ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA
DANCE WITH ME, BABY? ♪
♪ DO YOU ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA DANCE? ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU ♪
♪ DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU ♪
♪ WANT TO DANCE WITH ME, BABY? ♪
♪ UH-HUH, UH-HUH ♪
♪ DANCE WITH ME, BABY ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ OOH. ♪