Don't Forget The Driver (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Dunkirk - full transcript
The thing is, Barry,
it's high season here,
and I'm at full stretch.
And, um, Kayla's in
a bit of a dark place.
Mum... Mum, well,
she's just not herself.
And the thing is,
Barry, the thing is,
she, she's not going to
get any better.
Bollocks.
I'm on my own now, mate.
Barry? Did you hear any of that?
Something about your bollocks?
No, no, Mum can't
look after herself.
Ah, it's bloody awful, Pee-wee.
Dad? Tell him about the thing.
What? We were watching the Bognor
webcam this morning,
Uncle Pete, and we saw
something by the pier.
What did you think it was, Dad?
Oh, yeah, yeah, a porpoise.
Yeah, a porpoise.
Yeah, it wasn't there yesterday.
Take a look.
Ah, tell you what,
we'll watch you on the webcam.
Do a bomb, Dad! Hang on, Barry.
Barry! Here I come!
We haven't sorted out
what we're going to do about...
Barry?!
Cammy, you get over there,
you have a go!
Kay? Where's that Spanish omelette?
What?
From last night. I'm asleep.
Did you eat that Spanish omelette?
Might have.
Do you even know?
SHE BURPS
Yeah, I did eat that
Spanish omelette.
It's not funny.
You didn't even know.
There no food in the house.
Can we talk about this
in the morning?
Dad! That was my lunch.
And don't forget I'm back late,
so you have to see your nan today.
She doesn't know who I am.
Yes, she does.
DOOR SHUTS
ENGINE STALLS
Give us a wave, mate. I'm here.
Can you see us?
Look up, over here.
Give us a wave, go on.
What is it, bro? A porpoise?
Look, mate, this is five bucks
a minute, bro.
Can't tell.
Dad, tell him to go and have a look.
Well, go and take a look then, mate.
Mate? Mate?!
Pee-wee?
Why's he running away, Dad?
What you doing?
Mate?
MUSIC: The Winner Takes It All
by ABBA
# Spirit FM. #
DJ: It's 6:25 AM.
MUSIC: Money for Nothing
by Dire Straits
SILENCE
SONG CONTINUES
Last orders at the bar, please,
last orders at the bar. Aww.
Come on, going to lose our jobs
if this carries on, matey boy. Out!
Peter, my friend.
Yeah, your colleague.
Yes.
You, me, top secret.
The office aren't stupid, Lech,
they know something's going on.
You're a very kind man, Peter.
I'm not a kind man.
Yes, you are a kind man.
No, no!
LECH LAUGHS
Put me down. Put me down!
Look, you're in West Sussex, mate,
you're not in Danzig now.
Dzieki.
You're welcome.
Out, come on! OK, OK.
Auf wiedersehen.
HE HUMS
Sauce?
What?
Your sausage.
Oh, uh, no.
Yes, sorry, Fran.
Something on your mind, Pete?
Is it your mum?
Mm, yeah, and Kayla, of course.
Kids and mums, eh?
Mums and kids.
Oh, um, me and Kieran,
we're going to that quiz night
tonight, do you want to tag along?
CAR HORN BEEPS
RAVE MUSIC PLAYS
Where have you been?
Aye, aye.
Aye, aye. Hope I'm not interrupting
anything.
All right, Squeaky?
You coming with us, Fran?
If only.
I'm sure Pete could
squeeze you in, eh?
CAR HORN BEEPS
So long, sweet cheeks.
Pete? Your sausage!
SHE SIGHS
Looking forward to it? Yeah. Yeah.
it's high season here,
and I'm at full stretch.
And, um, Kayla's in
a bit of a dark place.
Mum... Mum, well,
she's just not herself.
And the thing is,
Barry, the thing is,
she, she's not going to
get any better.
Bollocks.
I'm on my own now, mate.
Barry? Did you hear any of that?
Something about your bollocks?
No, no, Mum can't
look after herself.
Ah, it's bloody awful, Pee-wee.
Dad? Tell him about the thing.
What? We were watching the Bognor
webcam this morning,
Uncle Pete, and we saw
something by the pier.
What did you think it was, Dad?
Oh, yeah, yeah, a porpoise.
Yeah, a porpoise.
Yeah, it wasn't there yesterday.
Take a look.
Ah, tell you what,
we'll watch you on the webcam.
Do a bomb, Dad! Hang on, Barry.
Barry! Here I come!
We haven't sorted out
what we're going to do about...
Barry?!
Cammy, you get over there,
you have a go!
Kay? Where's that Spanish omelette?
What?
From last night. I'm asleep.
Did you eat that Spanish omelette?
Might have.
Do you even know?
SHE BURPS
Yeah, I did eat that
Spanish omelette.
It's not funny.
You didn't even know.
There no food in the house.
Can we talk about this
in the morning?
Dad! That was my lunch.
And don't forget I'm back late,
so you have to see your nan today.
She doesn't know who I am.
Yes, she does.
DOOR SHUTS
ENGINE STALLS
Give us a wave, mate. I'm here.
Can you see us?
Look up, over here.
Give us a wave, go on.
What is it, bro? A porpoise?
Look, mate, this is five bucks
a minute, bro.
Can't tell.
Dad, tell him to go and have a look.
Well, go and take a look then, mate.
Mate? Mate?!
Pee-wee?
Why's he running away, Dad?
What you doing?
Mate?
MUSIC: The Winner Takes It All
by ABBA
# Spirit FM. #
DJ: It's 6:25 AM.
MUSIC: Money for Nothing
by Dire Straits
SILENCE
SONG CONTINUES
Last orders at the bar, please,
last orders at the bar. Aww.
Come on, going to lose our jobs
if this carries on, matey boy. Out!
Peter, my friend.
Yeah, your colleague.
Yes.
You, me, top secret.
The office aren't stupid, Lech,
they know something's going on.
You're a very kind man, Peter.
I'm not a kind man.
Yes, you are a kind man.
No, no!
LECH LAUGHS
Put me down. Put me down!
Look, you're in West Sussex, mate,
you're not in Danzig now.
Dzieki.
You're welcome.
Out, come on! OK, OK.
Auf wiedersehen.
HE HUMS
Sauce?
What?
Your sausage.
Oh, uh, no.
Yes, sorry, Fran.
Something on your mind, Pete?
Is it your mum?
Mm, yeah, and Kayla, of course.
Kids and mums, eh?
Mums and kids.
Oh, um, me and Kieran,
we're going to that quiz night
tonight, do you want to tag along?
CAR HORN BEEPS
RAVE MUSIC PLAYS
Where have you been?
Aye, aye.
Aye, aye. Hope I'm not interrupting
anything.
All right, Squeaky?
You coming with us, Fran?
If only.
I'm sure Pete could
squeeze you in, eh?
CAR HORN BEEPS
So long, sweet cheeks.
Pete? Your sausage!
SHE SIGHS
Looking forward to it? Yeah. Yeah.