Donkey Kong Country (1997–2000): Season 1, Episode 17 - Kong Fu - full transcript

It's the Annual Donkey Kong Challenge;and for the first time ever;Donkey Kong is actually being challenged for his title as Future Ruler of Kongo Bongo. No one is more surprised than an out of shape DK;who must face off with the legendary Martial Arts Fighter;Kong Fu! A challenger who not only surpasses DK in size and stature;but is backed by King K. Rool;who plans on winning the match...and the prize...the Crystal Coconut!



♪ Huh, ha ♪ Huh,
ha ♪ Donkey Kong ♪ Hey oh

♪ Look out down
below ♪ Here he comes,

banana slamma ♪



♪ Donkey Kong

♪ Huh, ha ♪ Huh,
ha ♪ Donkey Kong



♪ Huh, ha ♪ Huh,
ha ♪ Donkey Kong ♪ Hey oh

♪ Look out down
below ♪ Here he comes,

banana slamma ♪



♪ Kongo Bongo"s hero ♪

♪ Hey oh ♪ Donkey Kong

♪ Let"s go, let's go ♪

♪ Here he comes, banana slamma ♪



Hiyah!

[Monkey chittering]

The measurement of the

elliptical path between the sun

and the moon,
blah, blah, blah...

[Mechanical whirring]

Hmm, that"s it!

Ha-ha!

I figured it out.



Once again,
I"m the superior simian.

The head banana.

The celestial chimp
of cosmic genius.

Hey, Cranky, are you

practicing moves
for a new dance?

No, I was figuring out the

eclipse, you twit.

Eclipse?

Cool.

What"s an eclipse?

It"s lights out!

Which is what you"ll get if you

don"t quit monkeying around.

Did you finally figure out

what time the eclipse will happen,
Cranky?

Yeah,
in exactly four days at 3:35 p.m.

Hey, just in time for the

Annual Donkey Kong Challenge.

Hmm.

Maybe I should challenge DK.

You know, give him the ol" one,

two, wham, bam, ooh-ooh-ooh.

Hey, Cranky, what"s the point

of the challenge anyway?

To keep DK on his toes.

The future ruler of Kongo Bongo

has to be in top form if he"s

going to protect
The Crystal Coconut.

You mean, if DK lost the

challenge, he wouldn"t be future

ruler anymore?

That"s right.

Ha, no one ever challenges DK.

He"s the biggest, strongest ape

on all of Kongo Bongo.

But even the biggest,

strongest apes have to keep up

with their training.

Yeah, 57.

[Gulping]

Well,
if it ain"t ol' mella yella.

Now it"s just you an' me.

Oh, no,
my insides are turning to mush.

That"s right, you're yella and

you"ve always been yella.

Now I"m gonna finish you off.

DIDDY KONG: Looks like you"ve

already finished off half the

banana plantation, DK.

[Giggling]

Hey, little buddy.

You"re just in time to see me

break my old record.

Number 58?

Yup, I"m going for broke.

And I"m going for cover.

DK: 58.

[Stomach gurgling]

BOTH: A new record!

[Both cheering]

Hey, uh, aren"t you supposed

to be training for the Annual

Donkey Kong Challenge?

What for?

I"m the biggest, strongest ape

on all of Kongo Bongo.

That"s what I said.

Who"s gonna challenge me?

K. ROOL: I"m waiting!

Krusha!

You see the problem?

KRUSHA: I see lots of wires.

Then pick one
before I pickle you.

[Clanking]

Finally.

[Whirring]

Everything"s bright again.

Not everything.

Now then, I have a very

important announcement to make,

so listen up.

I, King Rool, supreme master of

evil, like to announce that I"m

abandoning my quest for The

Crystal Coconut.

[Gasping]

Oh, say it ain"t so, your

sinister slipperiness.

I"ve got a new strategy.

The ultimate plan.

Instead of stealing The Crystal

Coconut, I"m going to make the

apes give it to me.

Fair and square.

I am going to enter the Annual

Donkey Kong Challenge.

You are brave, sir.

But what if you don"t win?

Can I be king?

I"m not the one who will

challenge Donkey Kong.

Well, then who then, your

supreme scaliness?

Hiyah!

Oh!

Ya-ya-ya!

Ya-ta!

Hiyah-ta!

Hiyah!

Ti-no!

It can"t be.

Uh-oh.

[Disco music playing]

♪ I survived the
volcano onslaught ♪

♪ I was swallowed by
a great white shark ♪

♪ Hitched a ride
on a tornado"s tail ♪

♪ Out-run an
avalanche in the dark ♪

♪ I"m the Kong Fu master

so mean and tough ♪

♪ I"m so bad I scare myself ♪

♪ Ha!

♪ Hi-yo ♪ Hi-yo-whoa ♪ Ha ho

♪ Yeah ta ki ko
♪ I"ve been taught

by Ape-fucious who says ♪

♪ The mind must be sharp

as a wisdom tooth ♪

♪ I can cut down a
tree with bare hands ♪

♪ I"ve been trained in

Ape-jitsu Kung Fu! ♪

[Singing in high-pitched voices]

♪ He"s so mean ♪

♪ He"s so tough ♪

♪ He"s so bad he
scares himself! ♪

♪ I"m the Kong Fu master

so mean and tough ♪

♪ I"m so bad I scare myself ♪

♪ I"m the Kong Fu master

so mean and tough ♪

♪ I"m so bad I scare myself ♪

♪ Ha!

Ooh.

[Snickering]

My success is imminent!

Kong Fu wins the challenge, and

I win the prize!

The Crystal Coconut!

[Moaning]

DK, what"s the matter?

Oh, I ache all over...

That"s the sign of a
good muscle workout!

Not my muscles... my stomach!

Ohhh... DK broke
his old banana record!

You ate 58 bananas?

But bananas make me strong.

Only if you exercise,
you big dope.

You were supposed to be training

for the Annual Donkey
Kong Challenge!

What for?

Who"s gonna
challenge... ooh... me?

Ooh-ya!

Ya-go!

[All gasping]

ALL: Kong Fu?!

That"s right!

Uh-oh.

Don"t worry, guys.

I can get into shape again,
no problem!

All I need is a
couple o" m... Whoa!

Ah-ha!

Here it is.

The official rule book says "The

challenge is made
up of three contests."

Oh.

Now I have to
win three contests?

No, you dope.

You only have to
win two out of three.

So, if we rule out the contest

of the body...
we"re left with...

the contest of the mind.

ALL: Uh, what"s the third one?

The contest of the heart.

[Grunting]

I think we should cover all

the bases if we want DK to win.

Then why don"t we each take a

category and help coach DK?

Great idea, Candy!

You take the contest of the

heart, I"ll take the mind, and

Diddy can take the body.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh!

Uh, sir.

When you volunteered us to help

uh, Kong Fu,
train... We didn"t... Klump!

Will you be quiet!?

You"re breaking Kong
Fu's concentration.

[Both groaning]

Oh-ho-oh, bravo!

Oh, a new chopping record,
Kong Fu!

Oh, such strength, such power,

such precision!

Donkey Kong won"t
know what hit him!

I... I can vouch for that.

33, 34, 35.

DK, you"re doing great!

This morning you could barely

lift a barrel, now look at you!

I know, I"m pumped!

I"m back in the driver's seat,

little buddy.

King of Kong!

Thriller gorilla!

Well, no wonder it"s so easy.

The barrel"s empty!

I thought it was kinda light.

Oh-ho-ho-ho, great.

There goes the
contest of the body.

Don"t worry, little buddy,

there"s still the
other contests.

That"s right!

There"s still the
contest of the mind.

Yeah, yeah!

The contest of the mind.

What"s that one about again?

K. ROOL: We will now commence

with part two of the training...

Contest of the Mind.

Yes, let"s.

We"ll start off with a little

brain-teaser from my trusty

tome; "Meditating Monks Who

Write Riddles in
Their Spare Time."

[Clearing throat]

What runs,
but never gets out of breath?

Ooh, ooh!

I know!

You,
and your long-winded speeches.

Simple.

Water.

Brilliant!

I know... I wrote it.

Okay Donkey Kong, here"s a

brain-teaser for you.

What kind of running
means walking?

I give up, what?

You"re supposed to answer it,

not me, you numbskull!

Oh, yeah, right!

Okay.

What kind of running
means walking...

what kind of running mean...

The answer is
running out of gas!

Oh!

[Laughing]

I don"t get it.

I think we can rule out any

hope of winning the
contest of the mind.

Things aren"t looking so good,
are they?

The particles called

electrons turned out to be

negatively charged, and have a

mass of about one

eighteen-hundredth of a single

hydrogen atom.

Electrons are also fundamental

chargers in static electricity.

This is best demonstrated by

rubbing one"s foot along a

carpet, then touching an object.

[Screaming]

Bravo!

That Neanderthal Donkey Kong

doesn"t stand a chance at

winning the contest of the mind!

He may be strong and smart,

but he"s got no heart.

Fat-head has a point.

Not if you guarantee that

upon winning the Crystal Coconut

you will give it away, donating

it out of the goodness
of your heart.

And who better to
donate it to... than me?

[Snickering]

[Seagull cackling]

I"m all messed up, Candy.

I can"t believe I
let myself get soft!

I just never thought anyone

would challenge me.

Donkey Kong, there"s more to

the challenge than
just having muscles.

There"s strength of the heart.

♪ You gotta realise that your

strength comes
from inside of you ♪

♪ You can win with heart

if you just stay true ♪

♪ Don"t lose faith in yourself ♪

♪ When all seems lost

and you"re feeling blue ♪

♪ Just don"t lose heart,

it"ll all come through ♪

♪ I know I"m gonna get my butt

kicked tonight ♪

♪ I"ll be in so much pain

I will hardly stand upright ♪

♪ I"m gonna take a thrashing,

he"s gonna pound me to dust ♪

♪ By the time he"s
finished pounding ♪

♪ You"ll never recognise me ♪

♪ Be strong ♪ And
soon I"ll be gumming

on my food ♪

♪ Just don"t lose heart! ♪

♪ Keep your head up

♪ So he can knock
it off my shoulders ♪

♪ You"ll be back on your feet ♪

♪ In crutches

Donkey Kong.

Oh, Cranky, isn"t there

anything we can do for him?

Troops, in light of my

imminent victory, I feel it is

appropriate to announce that I

will be streamlining
our operations.

Kong Fu will be taking over

as General, and bodyguard!

Oh, ya!

Eh, uh, b-b-but your

massiveness, a body like yours

c-could use two bodyguards.

How about just one... guarding

the front door!

Well, well.

What do we have here?

Come to grovel for mercy?

No, I"m here to warn you!

Warn us?

Uh-huh!

DK is in such killer shape he

could knock Kong
Fu down for the count!

But if ya back off, he might let

you go with just a
warning this time.

Whaddya say?

[All laughing]

Uh, uh, okay then, uh, uh, we

could postpone the challenge,

say, um, a year, yeah, a year...

You know,
make the fight fair and square.

[All laughing]

Uh, uh, okay, uh, fine!

You"ll be sorry!

I was just trying
to give you a break.

Oh, be I give Donkey Kong a

break, a whole lot of breaks!

Not to mention some lumps, bumps

and bruises, "cause when I'm...

[Whimpering]

Klump!

Stop snivelling!

KLUMP: Uh, it"s not me, sir.

It must be Krusha.

Nope, not me.

Then who?

It was him!

Oh!

Liar, liar, fur on fire!

He let the little monkey get away,
too!

Never mind about Diddy, it"s

time to go to the battlefield.

Let"s show Donkey
Kong who rules!

DIDDY KONG: Uh!

DK, I"ve got great news!

No news is gonna cheer me up.

I"ve got a plan how
you can beat Kong Fu!

Yeah?!

Oh, little buddy, that"s great!

I knew I could count on you!

That"s what
side-kicks are fo-or!

Ha-huh-ha!

So, what"s the plan?

Well, first we gotta get

Cranky and Candy
to stall the contest...



Since when does the

Donkey Kong Challenge include a

pre-game show?

It doesn"t!

They"re stalling!

Bravo!

Encore.

Bravo!

Encore.

All right, all right, let"s

get on with the main event,
shall we?

What do we do now, little buddy?

All we have to do is stall.

According to the official

rule book, if that yellow

bellied Neanderthal,

Donkey Kong, doesn"t show up

then I win by default.

We gotta go out,
or else K"rool wins!

No sweat, just tell me what

to do to beat Kong Fu.

I haven"t figured
that part out yet.

Uh, but you go on ahead.

Huh?

Donkey Kong!

You made it!

Booo!

Hsss!

Make way for the champ!

Kongo Bongo"s biggest,
strongest ape!

I don"t get it.

Yeah, what"s this plan of yours?

All we gotta do is keep

Kong Fu busy with
the other two contests.

Trust me!

But DK can"t win the
contest of the mind.

Trust me.

Come on, come on,
let"s get on with it!

I want to see
Donkey Kong laid out!

We, the challengees, choose

to begin with the
contest of the mind.

Booo!

Hiss!

Cheater, cheater,
banana bread eater!

You can do it, DK.

Just take your time.

Question.

How many pieces of string would

it take to reach the moon?

One kazillion, three hundred

and forty-two million,

seven hundred and sixty-five.

K. ROOL: Eeeh.

Wrong.

Yippee.

Woo-hoo!

Loser!

Same question, Kong Fu.

How many pieces of string would

it take to reach the moon?

Hi-yo-ya-go!

One.

The answer is one.

One piece of string.

If it was long enough.

He"s right, DK.

[Laughing]

He"s not only right, he's the

winner of the
contest of the mind!

Whatever your plan is,
it"s not working.

My plan will work!

All you have to do is stall the

contest of the body!

And now for the
contest of the heart.

No way!

You chose the last contest, so I

choose this one, and I choose

the one where Donkey Kong gets

beaten to a pulp!

The contest of the body!

Whoa!

Oh, no!

DK, you gotta hold off

Kong Fu for as long as you can!

Kong Fu!

So-wah-whoa.

Hiyah!

Come on, get up!

You"ll miss the big finale!

Now to finish you off!

I can"t bear to watch!

Me neither.

Five... Four... Three... Two...

The eclipse!

3:35 p.m. exactly!

So that was your plan.

Yep!

Ha-ha-ha, and it worked!

Oh, and wait, it gets better!

[Whimpering]

Why,
Kong Fu"s afraid of the dark!

Huh-huh, I knew it was him!

Why,
he"s nothing but a big sissy!

Get up, you spineless worm!

Why he"s yellow-bellied
and lily-livered!

Ha-ha-ha!

He"s a girlie ape.

Sock it to him, DK!

Wham!

Bam!

Yeah!

Finish him off.

You"ll win the challenge, DK!

Ah... I can"t hit an
ape when he's down.

ALL: Huh?!

The contest of the heart,
Donkey Kong won!

I did?

BOTH: He did?

Yeah!

DK showed real heart for not

taking advantage of his opponent

when he was down.

Look at him!

[Laughing]

Baby!

DK, you did it!

You won!

Banana slamma!

Now all I gotta do is...

Beat you up.

[Laughing]

Now what was that about?

A spine-a-less worm?!

Yellow-bellied?!

Find another chump
to do your dirty work.

I forfeit!

What?!

You can"t do that!

Hey!

Come back here!

That means DK wins by default!

Woo-hoo!

That"s my boy!

All right!

Hooray for DK!

Thank you very much!

Thank you, thank you!

Klump!

Krusha!

Back to the mines.

By the time we get there, I"ll

have thought of some way that I

can blame all of this on you

two home-spun idiots!

Yes, sir!

Hip hup, hip hup.

You don"t have the coconut!

Well, DK, I hope you learned

how important it
is to keep in shape.

I sure did, and to prove it,

tomorrow I"m starting my

training for next
year"s challenge.

Thaaat"s great.

But first, I wanna see if I

can break my old banana record.

Donkey Kong!

What?!

[All laughing]