Don Quijote de la Mancha (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript
DON QUIXOTE
STEP V
Your distress will not
Iast Iong.
I beg you, Iady, to tell me
who and how many persons...
must be the object of
my sword and vengeance.
Tell me your sorrows.
Worries, grieves...
Ioves and betrayals.
My kingdom has been invaded
by a man...
a giant, I mean, both
traitorous and Iascivious.
He wanted to marry me.
But how could I
marry a giant?
I decided to come
to Don Quixote.
I Ianded at Osuna
and heard of your deeds.
How could you Iand at Osuna
if it is not a seaport?
She surely meant that
she first heard of you...
-At Osuna after Ianding at Malaga.
-That is what I meant.
Sir Don Quixote...
the knight who vanquishes
the giant will marry me...
I will deliver him my
kingdom and my person.
Didn't I tell you,
Sancho?
We have a kingdom to rule
and a queen to marry.
She's not bad, this queen.
You'd have to be a fool
not to want to marry her!
AIIow me, Queen,
to kiss your hand.
I swear to accompany you
to cut off the giant's head.
But I may not marry...
even with a Phoenix.
What are you saying?
Dulcinea isn't half as beautiful!
She couldn't even
stand in her shoes!
Why not marry the queen
and have Dulcinea Iater?
Kings have always had
mistresses.
Quiet! How dare you even mention
Dulcinea? You unfortunate villain!
It is hard to compare since
I have never seen Dulcinea.
Oh no, traitor?
How did you deliver
my message?
I didn't see her close...
-to fully appreciate her.
-What did you tell her?
What did she answer? And when
she saw my Ietter? Who copied it?
When I first saw her,
she was sieving wheat.
And not stringing pearls?
Or embroidering gold?
She was in the sty
feeding the pigs.
She told me to Ieave
the Ietter on a sack.
She did that so that she
could read it at her Ieisure.
Did you note a perfume
Iike the Queen of Sheeba?
An aromatic fragrance that
was utterly delightful?
An essence that smelled
of a spice shop?
No, she smelled rather
mannish to me.
She was covered with sweat
from the hard work.
What are you saying?
Scoundrel!
Do you know what
I think, Sancho?
You must have flown
to Toboso!
You came and went
in just three days.
There are more than thirty
Ieagues to Toboso!
A friendly sage must have
swept you through the air...
without you noticing.
It must have been the sage
who writes this story.
What do you reply,
Sancho?
Look, sir.
That is my ass.
The one they stole!
-Rucio!
-I understand nothing of asses!
It is!
That's Rucio!
Rucio...
Give me back my ass.
It's my ass, Rucio.
Come here, Rucio.
Sancho!
I'm coming!
Ginesillo!
Where have you been,
jewel of my eyes?
My friend.
My master would always
have been victorious...
if it hadn't been for
that evil sage.
My master is invincible.
It is an honour to have
you as our guest.
Welcome. We hope to
serve you well.
Very well, but you better give
both I and the princess...
beds better than
the Iast time!
Fit for kings, who come
in such good company!
Come in.
You have Don Felixmarte
of Hircania as well!
Just read all about what
Don Felixmarte did.
How he cut five giants
in half with a backstroke!
He even fought an army
of one and a half million...
and defeated them all!
These readings are
pernicious for you!
I never read them
for I can't read.
-I know them by heart.
-It's all foolishness and Iies.
Really?
Is what happened to
Don Felixmarte foolishness?
When he faced an enormous
serpent which issued...
from the depths of a river?
He threw himself at it,
jumped on its back...
and strangled it so hard...
that the serpent plunged back
into the deepest part of the river...
carrying poor Felixmarte
who couldn't Iet go.
Is that foolishness?
And then there was
the Knight of the Sword...
whom a magician Ieft in
a desert without arms.
He had to fight
a ferocious Iion...
grabbing it by the throat
and grappling furiously...
for many days and nights!
Or Orlando who hunted
bulls, goats, boars...
and even men if they
got in his way!
Shepherds saw how he
crushed their flocks.
They would flee, so as
not to fall victim to his fury.
And he would run through
forests with great bounds...
and tear up entire
pine trees.
Carmadon...
Nabon the BIack...
Cartaduque...
Furibundo...
Frutillon...
Bruciferno...
Taliagan of the Dark Cave...
Carpatafro...
Arrastronio the Brave...
Frademon...
Anfeon...
Luciferno of
the BIack Mouth...
Lady, Iady!
God Iives...
God Iives, Iady!
My master has slain your giant.
He sliced its head as if
it were a turnip!
The giant is more than
2 thousand Ieagues away!
There is more.
Go to my master's aid.
He is still slashing at it,
Iike this!
Like this!
I saw its bloodied head
on the floor.
As big as a wine-skin!
Enemy of God...
Thief!
What have you done?
You cut open my wine-skins!
Thief!
I curse the time you came
to this inn!
I'II see your blood spilt
the same way!
If they don't find the head,
there may be trouble.
This entire inn
is enchanted.
Are there rooms
at the inn?
There is always a place
for those who pay.
Luscinda.
There are no rooms.
What do you want?
Who are you?
I am a poor madman.
That voice is Cardenio's!
-Fernando...
-Dorotea!
Luscinda...
-Cardenio...
-Luscinda.
If she isn't mine,
she will be for no one!
You can't be Luscinda's,
for you are mine!
Luscinda's can't be yours,
for she is Cardenio's!
You proved the victor,
Iovely Dorotea.
Luscinda has found
what she wanted...
and it is precisely
what I have found.
Friends?
-I cry from happiness.
-Not me.
The princess
is now a simple Iady...
-and the giant is Don Fernando.
-Like in the books...
Oh, Sun...
that flies to see
my Iady on fiery mounts...
I beg you to greet her...
but take care when
kissing her face...
or I will be as furious
as I am in Iove!
It's my shaving basin!
Call the Iaw!
Give me back my basin
and saddle, thief!
I'm no thief. My master
won it in a fair fight.
It's as mine as
my own death.
It's mine and very mine!
The basin is mine!
The basin is mine!
I'II kill you!
Sancho!
Hold up the helmet this man
says is a mere basin!
-Your word is good enough, sir.
-Do what I command.
Not everything in
this castle is enchanted.
You will all see how
mistaken this man is.
He calls the helmet
of Mambrino a basin.
When we received blows
and stonings...
that basin-helmet kept
my master's head from harm.
I have also been a barber
for over twenty years...
and I know a barber's
basin when I see one.
I say that this is a helmet...
-although not complete.
-That is true.
-Of course.
-Yes, sir.
Either you are jesting or
your head is empty!
It is fuller than your
bastard father's ever was!
Calm down.
My Iance, Sancho!
Listen to me!
Stop, if you wish to Iive!
Oh, you!
Queen of my thoughts!
I beg you to pardon
these people and I...
for wanting to kill each other
for mere foolishness.
Basin, or helmet?
It will suffice...
and there will be peace...
when everyone
acknowledges this...
as a helmet
and only a helmet!
Tell me, good sir.
Is that gentleman...
known by the name of
Don Quixote?
He's the one you are
Iooking for.
Make way for the Iaw!
This is the warrant
for this highwayman.
Highwayman?
Defend the Holy Brotherhood!
It's him.
Listen, vile and
Iow-born people!
Is it a crime to
free the chained?
To free prisoners and
the help the needy?
You are the thieves!
The highwaymen!
But with Iicense from
the Holy Brotherhood!
Are you aware that knights errant
can never be called to task...
for two deaths or two hundred!
Which of you ignored that fact?
There may be another manner
to settle this affair...
if your Iordship agrees
to keep it secret.
It seems that my stay in
your castle is fruitless...
and we may all be
sorry one day!
Your will is my will,
Sir Knight. Do what you must.
The only Iaw of a knight
is his sword!
What knight had to pay
a tax!
What's more!
What king never sat
a knight at his table?
What maiden never fell
in Iove with him?
Enchanted knights were
carried in the air...
or on a dark cloud
or on a chariot of fire...
or on a hippogriff
or some similar beast.
But never on an ox-cart...
You're not enchanted,
just deranged.
Deranged and foolish.
Because there are
the barber and the priest.
They have taken that guise
to fool me.
I will prove that
you are not enchanted.
Do you feel Iike...?
-How can I put it?
-What, Sancho?
If you feel Iike
making water, sir?
Yes, I still do.
I am not completely
refreshed.
I've got you now.
The enchanted never eat
or drink or anything!
If you are in discomfort,
you are not enchanted!
You must Ieave that cage.
Sir, priest...
My master should Ieave
that cage...
or he will not remain as
clean as decency requires.
I understand what
you say, Sancho...
but he will act up again
if freed.
If he gives his word
as a knight.
I would answer for
his running away.
When you go as I,
you have no freedom.
You had better
set me free...
or a malodour may annoy
your sense of smell.
Do you swear
not to escape?
-I do.
-Let him go.
How is it that your brain
is so addled?
Do you really believe
you are a knight errant...
-and you are enchanted?
-It's all invented.
They never really existed.
Ever since I became
a knight errant...
I am courageous,
courteous...
Iiberal, well-bred...
generous, polite,
bold...
gentle and patient.
By the valour of my arm,
I will be a king one day.
And then I will show
my thanks...
to poor Sancho Panza,
the best man in the world.
The trumpet's sound...
call us to a new adventure!
Where are you going?
-Hey, you...
-Where are you going, sir?
Remember your pledge!
You're assaulting
the Catholic faith!
Hey, you...
Iisten to what I say!
I order you to set that
Iovely Iady free!
Her tears prove she does not
go of her free will!
You have done her
a wrong!
May the sage who writes
this tale bear witness...
that a single knight...
fought 200 or 300!
-You killed him.
-He's just a madman.
Hide!
Sir! Sir!
Sir...
Sir.
Honour of your Iineage.
GIory of La Mancha!
FIower of chivalry!
Is it possible you have gone?
Without you...
the world will
fill with evildoers.
You murdered the best
of masters...
who in just eight months
gave me an island!
He who Iives absent
from you...
sweet Dulcinea del Toboso...
is subject to even
greater wretchedness.
Take me to
the enchanted cart.
I cannot mount Rocinante.
Let the malign influence
of the stars pass.
Back at the village...
we can prepare another,
more beneficial expedition.
Sir Barber!
Sir Barber!
Maese Nicolas!
Sir Barber!
Mad! Mad!
Mad!
-Mr. Quijano is mad!
-Mad! Mad!
-Quijano is mad!
-Mad! Mad!
Just Iook at him,
poor thing!
Damn knights errant!
Damn Amadis!
Damn his mother!
It was not a knight...
but the sage who defeated me.
I will find him, no matter
how he disguises himself.
Husband!
-Is the ass all right?
-Better than his master.
Did you bring the dresses
you promised?
And shoes for the children?
There is nothing better
in the world...
to be a squire of
a knight seeking adventure.
Out of every one hundred
adventures...
ninety-nine turn out badly.
In spite of it...
it is pleasant crossing
virgin forests...
scaling mountains...
and meeting princesses.
You Iodge in inns
and castles...
without paying
a single brass coin.
Come, wife...
Eat, sir.
STEP V
Your distress will not
Iast Iong.
I beg you, Iady, to tell me
who and how many persons...
must be the object of
my sword and vengeance.
Tell me your sorrows.
Worries, grieves...
Ioves and betrayals.
My kingdom has been invaded
by a man...
a giant, I mean, both
traitorous and Iascivious.
He wanted to marry me.
But how could I
marry a giant?
I decided to come
to Don Quixote.
I Ianded at Osuna
and heard of your deeds.
How could you Iand at Osuna
if it is not a seaport?
She surely meant that
she first heard of you...
-At Osuna after Ianding at Malaga.
-That is what I meant.
Sir Don Quixote...
the knight who vanquishes
the giant will marry me...
I will deliver him my
kingdom and my person.
Didn't I tell you,
Sancho?
We have a kingdom to rule
and a queen to marry.
She's not bad, this queen.
You'd have to be a fool
not to want to marry her!
AIIow me, Queen,
to kiss your hand.
I swear to accompany you
to cut off the giant's head.
But I may not marry...
even with a Phoenix.
What are you saying?
Dulcinea isn't half as beautiful!
She couldn't even
stand in her shoes!
Why not marry the queen
and have Dulcinea Iater?
Kings have always had
mistresses.
Quiet! How dare you even mention
Dulcinea? You unfortunate villain!
It is hard to compare since
I have never seen Dulcinea.
Oh no, traitor?
How did you deliver
my message?
I didn't see her close...
-to fully appreciate her.
-What did you tell her?
What did she answer? And when
she saw my Ietter? Who copied it?
When I first saw her,
she was sieving wheat.
And not stringing pearls?
Or embroidering gold?
She was in the sty
feeding the pigs.
She told me to Ieave
the Ietter on a sack.
She did that so that she
could read it at her Ieisure.
Did you note a perfume
Iike the Queen of Sheeba?
An aromatic fragrance that
was utterly delightful?
An essence that smelled
of a spice shop?
No, she smelled rather
mannish to me.
She was covered with sweat
from the hard work.
What are you saying?
Scoundrel!
Do you know what
I think, Sancho?
You must have flown
to Toboso!
You came and went
in just three days.
There are more than thirty
Ieagues to Toboso!
A friendly sage must have
swept you through the air...
without you noticing.
It must have been the sage
who writes this story.
What do you reply,
Sancho?
Look, sir.
That is my ass.
The one they stole!
-Rucio!
-I understand nothing of asses!
It is!
That's Rucio!
Rucio...
Give me back my ass.
It's my ass, Rucio.
Come here, Rucio.
Sancho!
I'm coming!
Ginesillo!
Where have you been,
jewel of my eyes?
My friend.
My master would always
have been victorious...
if it hadn't been for
that evil sage.
My master is invincible.
It is an honour to have
you as our guest.
Welcome. We hope to
serve you well.
Very well, but you better give
both I and the princess...
beds better than
the Iast time!
Fit for kings, who come
in such good company!
Come in.
You have Don Felixmarte
of Hircania as well!
Just read all about what
Don Felixmarte did.
How he cut five giants
in half with a backstroke!
He even fought an army
of one and a half million...
and defeated them all!
These readings are
pernicious for you!
I never read them
for I can't read.
-I know them by heart.
-It's all foolishness and Iies.
Really?
Is what happened to
Don Felixmarte foolishness?
When he faced an enormous
serpent which issued...
from the depths of a river?
He threw himself at it,
jumped on its back...
and strangled it so hard...
that the serpent plunged back
into the deepest part of the river...
carrying poor Felixmarte
who couldn't Iet go.
Is that foolishness?
And then there was
the Knight of the Sword...
whom a magician Ieft in
a desert without arms.
He had to fight
a ferocious Iion...
grabbing it by the throat
and grappling furiously...
for many days and nights!
Or Orlando who hunted
bulls, goats, boars...
and even men if they
got in his way!
Shepherds saw how he
crushed their flocks.
They would flee, so as
not to fall victim to his fury.
And he would run through
forests with great bounds...
and tear up entire
pine trees.
Carmadon...
Nabon the BIack...
Cartaduque...
Furibundo...
Frutillon...
Bruciferno...
Taliagan of the Dark Cave...
Carpatafro...
Arrastronio the Brave...
Frademon...
Anfeon...
Luciferno of
the BIack Mouth...
Lady, Iady!
God Iives...
God Iives, Iady!
My master has slain your giant.
He sliced its head as if
it were a turnip!
The giant is more than
2 thousand Ieagues away!
There is more.
Go to my master's aid.
He is still slashing at it,
Iike this!
Like this!
I saw its bloodied head
on the floor.
As big as a wine-skin!
Enemy of God...
Thief!
What have you done?
You cut open my wine-skins!
Thief!
I curse the time you came
to this inn!
I'II see your blood spilt
the same way!
If they don't find the head,
there may be trouble.
This entire inn
is enchanted.
Are there rooms
at the inn?
There is always a place
for those who pay.
Luscinda.
There are no rooms.
What do you want?
Who are you?
I am a poor madman.
That voice is Cardenio's!
-Fernando...
-Dorotea!
Luscinda...
-Cardenio...
-Luscinda.
If she isn't mine,
she will be for no one!
You can't be Luscinda's,
for you are mine!
Luscinda's can't be yours,
for she is Cardenio's!
You proved the victor,
Iovely Dorotea.
Luscinda has found
what she wanted...
and it is precisely
what I have found.
Friends?
-I cry from happiness.
-Not me.
The princess
is now a simple Iady...
-and the giant is Don Fernando.
-Like in the books...
Oh, Sun...
that flies to see
my Iady on fiery mounts...
I beg you to greet her...
but take care when
kissing her face...
or I will be as furious
as I am in Iove!
It's my shaving basin!
Call the Iaw!
Give me back my basin
and saddle, thief!
I'm no thief. My master
won it in a fair fight.
It's as mine as
my own death.
It's mine and very mine!
The basin is mine!
The basin is mine!
I'II kill you!
Sancho!
Hold up the helmet this man
says is a mere basin!
-Your word is good enough, sir.
-Do what I command.
Not everything in
this castle is enchanted.
You will all see how
mistaken this man is.
He calls the helmet
of Mambrino a basin.
When we received blows
and stonings...
that basin-helmet kept
my master's head from harm.
I have also been a barber
for over twenty years...
and I know a barber's
basin when I see one.
I say that this is a helmet...
-although not complete.
-That is true.
-Of course.
-Yes, sir.
Either you are jesting or
your head is empty!
It is fuller than your
bastard father's ever was!
Calm down.
My Iance, Sancho!
Listen to me!
Stop, if you wish to Iive!
Oh, you!
Queen of my thoughts!
I beg you to pardon
these people and I...
for wanting to kill each other
for mere foolishness.
Basin, or helmet?
It will suffice...
and there will be peace...
when everyone
acknowledges this...
as a helmet
and only a helmet!
Tell me, good sir.
Is that gentleman...
known by the name of
Don Quixote?
He's the one you are
Iooking for.
Make way for the Iaw!
This is the warrant
for this highwayman.
Highwayman?
Defend the Holy Brotherhood!
It's him.
Listen, vile and
Iow-born people!
Is it a crime to
free the chained?
To free prisoners and
the help the needy?
You are the thieves!
The highwaymen!
But with Iicense from
the Holy Brotherhood!
Are you aware that knights errant
can never be called to task...
for two deaths or two hundred!
Which of you ignored that fact?
There may be another manner
to settle this affair...
if your Iordship agrees
to keep it secret.
It seems that my stay in
your castle is fruitless...
and we may all be
sorry one day!
Your will is my will,
Sir Knight. Do what you must.
The only Iaw of a knight
is his sword!
What knight had to pay
a tax!
What's more!
What king never sat
a knight at his table?
What maiden never fell
in Iove with him?
Enchanted knights were
carried in the air...
or on a dark cloud
or on a chariot of fire...
or on a hippogriff
or some similar beast.
But never on an ox-cart...
You're not enchanted,
just deranged.
Deranged and foolish.
Because there are
the barber and the priest.
They have taken that guise
to fool me.
I will prove that
you are not enchanted.
Do you feel Iike...?
-How can I put it?
-What, Sancho?
If you feel Iike
making water, sir?
Yes, I still do.
I am not completely
refreshed.
I've got you now.
The enchanted never eat
or drink or anything!
If you are in discomfort,
you are not enchanted!
You must Ieave that cage.
Sir, priest...
My master should Ieave
that cage...
or he will not remain as
clean as decency requires.
I understand what
you say, Sancho...
but he will act up again
if freed.
If he gives his word
as a knight.
I would answer for
his running away.
When you go as I,
you have no freedom.
You had better
set me free...
or a malodour may annoy
your sense of smell.
Do you swear
not to escape?
-I do.
-Let him go.
How is it that your brain
is so addled?
Do you really believe
you are a knight errant...
-and you are enchanted?
-It's all invented.
They never really existed.
Ever since I became
a knight errant...
I am courageous,
courteous...
Iiberal, well-bred...
generous, polite,
bold...
gentle and patient.
By the valour of my arm,
I will be a king one day.
And then I will show
my thanks...
to poor Sancho Panza,
the best man in the world.
The trumpet's sound...
call us to a new adventure!
Where are you going?
-Hey, you...
-Where are you going, sir?
Remember your pledge!
You're assaulting
the Catholic faith!
Hey, you...
Iisten to what I say!
I order you to set that
Iovely Iady free!
Her tears prove she does not
go of her free will!
You have done her
a wrong!
May the sage who writes
this tale bear witness...
that a single knight...
fought 200 or 300!
-You killed him.
-He's just a madman.
Hide!
Sir! Sir!
Sir...
Sir.
Honour of your Iineage.
GIory of La Mancha!
FIower of chivalry!
Is it possible you have gone?
Without you...
the world will
fill with evildoers.
You murdered the best
of masters...
who in just eight months
gave me an island!
He who Iives absent
from you...
sweet Dulcinea del Toboso...
is subject to even
greater wretchedness.
Take me to
the enchanted cart.
I cannot mount Rocinante.
Let the malign influence
of the stars pass.
Back at the village...
we can prepare another,
more beneficial expedition.
Sir Barber!
Sir Barber!
Maese Nicolas!
Sir Barber!
Mad! Mad!
Mad!
-Mr. Quijano is mad!
-Mad! Mad!
-Quijano is mad!
-Mad! Mad!
Just Iook at him,
poor thing!
Damn knights errant!
Damn Amadis!
Damn his mother!
It was not a knight...
but the sage who defeated me.
I will find him, no matter
how he disguises himself.
Husband!
-Is the ass all right?
-Better than his master.
Did you bring the dresses
you promised?
And shoes for the children?
There is nothing better
in the world...
to be a squire of
a knight seeking adventure.
Out of every one hundred
adventures...
ninety-nine turn out badly.
In spite of it...
it is pleasant crossing
virgin forests...
scaling mountains...
and meeting princesses.
You Iodge in inns
and castles...
without paying
a single brass coin.
Come, wife...
Eat, sir.