Dodo (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Big School - full transcript
(NARRATOR) At 7.15am, an alarm
goes off, and a new day begins.
Joe come on, wake up!
It's the big day!
This is Joe Connolly
Standing at 4 foot 10,
he knows two songs
on the recorder.
He knows
his left from his right.
(MUM) Joe, you dressed yet?
Did you just use my deodorant?
Agh! Uh... oh... Yes!
(FRUSTRATED GROAN) Dad! I do
know how to do it, you know?
His favourite animal
is the dodo,
which has been extinct
for over 300 years.
And Joe has written
over eight poems.
Oh-oh Dodo
Uh-oh Dodo
Joe Connolly is ready
for anything, for today is--
Joe, you're late!
Over his 11 years on earth
he has
successfully manoeuvred
every challenge in life.
Don't forget your bag. Books.
Pencil case.
(DOORBELL)
And not alone.
(MUM) That'll be Frisbo.
Off you pop!
(DAD) Good luck, Joe!
Today is his first day at--
Big school!
(SIGH)
Please don't call it that.
(THEME TUNE)
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
(BOTH) Whoa!
Three feet to his right
is Frisbo, Joe's best friend.
Born on 1st April,
Year 4 spelling champion,
keen oboe enthusiast, once ate
64 marshmallows in one sitting.
Best friends since nursery,
the pair were two peas in a pod.
Are we best friends?
Umm... yes.
As time moved on,
their bond grew and at age 9,
they committed
to co-owning a woodlouse.
Is that it?
Let's call her Michelle
after my nan.
-(BOTH CHUCKLE)
-Referee!
-They'd been through good times.
-Huh! My tooth came out!
Cool! That's worth
at least a quid!
And the bad times.
(SOBS) You weren't just
a fish to me, Ginny.
You were golden.
Their friendship, not contained
by earthly pursuits,
will one day lead
to their greatest triumph.
They've always been, and
will forever be, best friends.
Together they
can take on anything.
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC)
(FLAPPING SOUND)
So don't be scared - ff you
see someone you don't know,
introduce yourself and, uh--
BELL RINGS)
(SHOUTS DESPITE SILENCE)
OK! OK! Settle down!
(COUGH ECHOES)
You can go now.
So If I get 813 and you get 814,
we'll be locker neighbours.
Ooh! Locker neighbours!
Hang on, isn't that by the bogs?
As their first assembly ends,
one thing is certain.
(FRISBO) Where's E12?
Uh... we're not in E12.
Together, there is nothing
they couldn't handle.
I am. With Mr Lewis.
But, but... we always have...
(SAD MUSIC)
We're not in the same class.
We're not in the same class?
(SHOUTING TO BE HEARD
OVER CHATTER)
(ROOM FALLS SILENT, DOOR CLOSES)
Joe Connolly is just fine.
(RIPPING SOUND)
(RAPID DRUM)
Oh no.
(HEART BEATS LOUDLY)
(LAUGHTER AND CHATTER INSIDE)
(JOE'S HEART BEATS LOUDLY)
(CHATTER GROWS LOUDER)
(RAPID DRUMBEAT)
(PENCIL CLATTERS)
(JOE GASPS)
Phew!
Hi, I'm Ashlee. With two E's!
What's your name?
-Er...
-What tutor group are you in?
I'm in 7F.
I sit next to Ruby Banks.
Do you know Ruby Banks?
You walk funny.
My friend Jolanda's Gran
walks funny
'cos she's got arthritis.
Do you have arthritis?
Why aren't you talking?
-Erm...
-Joe needs to say something.
Why don't you talk?
Because you've got arthritis?
Jolanda! This boy walks funny
just like your gran!
His mind blank, he opens his
mouth, to speak and luckily...
Dodo
Oh dodo
Uh-oh dodo
Oh no dodo
Dodo go go
Oh woe, dodo.
(PENCIL FALLS)
(LAUGHTER BREAKS OUT)
< Nice one, Dodo!
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
Year 7, please settle down!
(BELL RINGS)
That was the worst 50 minutes
of Joe Connolly's life.
He now has 15 minutes
before he
has to do it all again.
But he would be fine
because waiting outside
is his best friend Fris--
Joe always has
his best friend Fris--
He always has his best--
(SAD PIANO MUSIC)
(BOY) Referee! (DOORBELL)
Joe Connolly always
has his best friend Frisbo.
(UPTEMPO MUSIC)
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)
(FRISBO LAUGHS)
(BOY) Ah, Frisbo! (CHUCKLES)
Nice!
-Joe!
-Pass it 'ere, mate!
This is Pete.
Pete Wilson. 4 foot 11.
Likes elastic bands and cheese.
He met Frisbo in E12
during Biology.
The two bonded over a love
of leaning back on chairs,
Mr Lewis's detailed seating plan
and advanced icebreakers.
-Alright, I'm Frisbo.
-Wazzuupp! I'm Pete.
Wazzuupp!
Yeah... just fine... thanks.
Frisbo, do you wanna
get our lockers now?
Yeah... erm... I might actually
take the one next to Pete's.
It's free
and it's zero zero seven.
You know, like double-O seven?
Joe could see
what was happening.
You know, like James Bond?
Pete's idea - he's hilarious!
He was losing Frisbo.
We're against 7F, winner
keeps the ball. Join our team!
There is only one option:
he has to kick the--
(RIPPING SOUND)
Joe stops.
Kicking the ball
is impossible
in his predicament.
Pass it here, mate!
Go on, pass it!
Pete can do 7 keepy-ups,
and Pete says 7F are rubbish,
isn't that right, Pete?
Pete is really great.
Pete can do...Pete, Pete, Pete,
Pete, Pete... (FADES)
Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete,
Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete...
Pete! Pete! Pete!
He knows what must be done.
This will be perfect.
Joe will fix the trousers.
He will play football.
Frisbo will be
his best friend again
and everything will--
And this is our pottery studio.
(GASPS AND LAUGHTER)
Oh, you're just in your...
Oink-oink!
Let's go to lost property.
(TEACHER) Welcome, year 7!
Late on your first day?
Please try to arrive
to my lessons on time.
For the next year,
I will be teaching you
the magic of music!
We're going to have lots of fun.
Despite everything,
Joe Connolly is still just--
Nice shorts, Doo doo.
(LAUGHTER)
-Joe Connolly is just--
-Hurry up! Please take a seat.
-Joe Connolly is--
-Alright? Hmm, nice shorts.
OK, so let's get this register
out of the way. Daisy Adeyemi?
-(DAISY) Yes, Miss
-(WHISPERS) Joe!
(TEACHER) Poppy Atkin?
Did you know sloths
can hold their breath
longer than dolphins?
Joe did not know,
nor care, about sloths.
-(TEACHER) Josh Chun?
-(JOSH) Yes, Miss.
(TEACHER) Joe Connolly?
(TEACHER) Joe Connolly?
In this moment, Joe comes
to a crushing conclusion.
-Joe Connolly?
-He is not just fine.
-Joe Connolly?
-He is not fine at all.
(DEAFENING HORN SOUNDS)
(PUPILS LAUGHING)
Very funny. Please don't fiddle
with the keyboard settings.
OK, where was I... Joe Connolly?
-Y-Yes, Miss
-Cherise Dodd?
-(CHERISE) Yes, Miss.
-Aaron Keedwell?
(AARON) Yes, Miss
Eisha Khela?
(ROOSTER CROWING)
OK, who did that?
Joe stares in wonder,
knowing exactly who did that.
Pete Wilson.
And just like that, bizarrely,
Joe Connolly is fine.
Pete Wilson?
(FART NOISE)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(JOE'S LAUGHTER INAUDIBLE)
(INAUDIBLE)
More than fine.
He feels joy.
Joe Connolly is absolutely--
(RANGE OF FUNNY NOISES)
(NOISES AND LAUGHTER STOPS)
Thank you.
(QUACK SOUND)
(BELL RINGS)
To his own amazement,
Joe Connolly
has survived his first day.
Wait up!
Joe! About those lockers...
Joe Connolly has had
the hardest day of his life.
He'd have to
do it again tomorrow
and every day after that.
Maybe forever.
Honestly, it's cool.
-I got us 813 and 814.
-Near the bogs?
Ooh! Locker neighbours!
Come on! I'm starving!
And as his two best friends
stand in front of him,
he realises ...
he's actually OK with that.
-Nice shorts
-Really?
No!
goes off, and a new day begins.
Joe come on, wake up!
It's the big day!
This is Joe Connolly
Standing at 4 foot 10,
he knows two songs
on the recorder.
He knows
his left from his right.
(MUM) Joe, you dressed yet?
Did you just use my deodorant?
Agh! Uh... oh... Yes!
(FRUSTRATED GROAN) Dad! I do
know how to do it, you know?
His favourite animal
is the dodo,
which has been extinct
for over 300 years.
And Joe has written
over eight poems.
Oh-oh Dodo
Uh-oh Dodo
Joe Connolly is ready
for anything, for today is--
Joe, you're late!
Over his 11 years on earth
he has
successfully manoeuvred
every challenge in life.
Don't forget your bag. Books.
Pencil case.
(DOORBELL)
And not alone.
(MUM) That'll be Frisbo.
Off you pop!
(DAD) Good luck, Joe!
Today is his first day at--
Big school!
(SIGH)
Please don't call it that.
(THEME TUNE)
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
(BOTH) Whoa!
Three feet to his right
is Frisbo, Joe's best friend.
Born on 1st April,
Year 4 spelling champion,
keen oboe enthusiast, once ate
64 marshmallows in one sitting.
Best friends since nursery,
the pair were two peas in a pod.
Are we best friends?
Umm... yes.
As time moved on,
their bond grew and at age 9,
they committed
to co-owning a woodlouse.
Is that it?
Let's call her Michelle
after my nan.
-(BOTH CHUCKLE)
-Referee!
-They'd been through good times.
-Huh! My tooth came out!
Cool! That's worth
at least a quid!
And the bad times.
(SOBS) You weren't just
a fish to me, Ginny.
You were golden.
Their friendship, not contained
by earthly pursuits,
will one day lead
to their greatest triumph.
They've always been, and
will forever be, best friends.
Together they
can take on anything.
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC)
(FLAPPING SOUND)
So don't be scared - ff you
see someone you don't know,
introduce yourself and, uh--
BELL RINGS)
(SHOUTS DESPITE SILENCE)
OK! OK! Settle down!
(COUGH ECHOES)
You can go now.
So If I get 813 and you get 814,
we'll be locker neighbours.
Ooh! Locker neighbours!
Hang on, isn't that by the bogs?
As their first assembly ends,
one thing is certain.
(FRISBO) Where's E12?
Uh... we're not in E12.
Together, there is nothing
they couldn't handle.
I am. With Mr Lewis.
But, but... we always have...
(SAD MUSIC)
We're not in the same class.
We're not in the same class?
(SHOUTING TO BE HEARD
OVER CHATTER)
(ROOM FALLS SILENT, DOOR CLOSES)
Joe Connolly is just fine.
(RIPPING SOUND)
(RAPID DRUM)
Oh no.
(HEART BEATS LOUDLY)
(LAUGHTER AND CHATTER INSIDE)
(JOE'S HEART BEATS LOUDLY)
(CHATTER GROWS LOUDER)
(RAPID DRUMBEAT)
(PENCIL CLATTERS)
(JOE GASPS)
Phew!
Hi, I'm Ashlee. With two E's!
What's your name?
-Er...
-What tutor group are you in?
I'm in 7F.
I sit next to Ruby Banks.
Do you know Ruby Banks?
You walk funny.
My friend Jolanda's Gran
walks funny
'cos she's got arthritis.
Do you have arthritis?
Why aren't you talking?
-Erm...
-Joe needs to say something.
Why don't you talk?
Because you've got arthritis?
Jolanda! This boy walks funny
just like your gran!
His mind blank, he opens his
mouth, to speak and luckily...
Dodo
Oh dodo
Uh-oh dodo
Oh no dodo
Dodo go go
Oh woe, dodo.
(PENCIL FALLS)
(LAUGHTER BREAKS OUT)
< Nice one, Dodo!
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
Year 7, please settle down!
(BELL RINGS)
That was the worst 50 minutes
of Joe Connolly's life.
He now has 15 minutes
before he
has to do it all again.
But he would be fine
because waiting outside
is his best friend Fris--
Joe always has
his best friend Fris--
He always has his best--
(SAD PIANO MUSIC)
(BOY) Referee! (DOORBELL)
Joe Connolly always
has his best friend Frisbo.
(UPTEMPO MUSIC)
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)
(FRISBO LAUGHS)
(BOY) Ah, Frisbo! (CHUCKLES)
Nice!
-Joe!
-Pass it 'ere, mate!
This is Pete.
Pete Wilson. 4 foot 11.
Likes elastic bands and cheese.
He met Frisbo in E12
during Biology.
The two bonded over a love
of leaning back on chairs,
Mr Lewis's detailed seating plan
and advanced icebreakers.
-Alright, I'm Frisbo.
-Wazzuupp! I'm Pete.
Wazzuupp!
Yeah... just fine... thanks.
Frisbo, do you wanna
get our lockers now?
Yeah... erm... I might actually
take the one next to Pete's.
It's free
and it's zero zero seven.
You know, like double-O seven?
Joe could see
what was happening.
You know, like James Bond?
Pete's idea - he's hilarious!
He was losing Frisbo.
We're against 7F, winner
keeps the ball. Join our team!
There is only one option:
he has to kick the--
(RIPPING SOUND)
Joe stops.
Kicking the ball
is impossible
in his predicament.
Pass it here, mate!
Go on, pass it!
Pete can do 7 keepy-ups,
and Pete says 7F are rubbish,
isn't that right, Pete?
Pete is really great.
Pete can do...Pete, Pete, Pete,
Pete, Pete... (FADES)
Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete,
Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete...
Pete! Pete! Pete!
He knows what must be done.
This will be perfect.
Joe will fix the trousers.
He will play football.
Frisbo will be
his best friend again
and everything will--
And this is our pottery studio.
(GASPS AND LAUGHTER)
Oh, you're just in your...
Oink-oink!
Let's go to lost property.
(TEACHER) Welcome, year 7!
Late on your first day?
Please try to arrive
to my lessons on time.
For the next year,
I will be teaching you
the magic of music!
We're going to have lots of fun.
Despite everything,
Joe Connolly is still just--
Nice shorts, Doo doo.
(LAUGHTER)
-Joe Connolly is just--
-Hurry up! Please take a seat.
-Joe Connolly is--
-Alright? Hmm, nice shorts.
OK, so let's get this register
out of the way. Daisy Adeyemi?
-(DAISY) Yes, Miss
-(WHISPERS) Joe!
(TEACHER) Poppy Atkin?
Did you know sloths
can hold their breath
longer than dolphins?
Joe did not know,
nor care, about sloths.
-(TEACHER) Josh Chun?
-(JOSH) Yes, Miss.
(TEACHER) Joe Connolly?
(TEACHER) Joe Connolly?
In this moment, Joe comes
to a crushing conclusion.
-Joe Connolly?
-He is not just fine.
-Joe Connolly?
-He is not fine at all.
(DEAFENING HORN SOUNDS)
(PUPILS LAUGHING)
Very funny. Please don't fiddle
with the keyboard settings.
OK, where was I... Joe Connolly?
-Y-Yes, Miss
-Cherise Dodd?
-(CHERISE) Yes, Miss.
-Aaron Keedwell?
(AARON) Yes, Miss
Eisha Khela?
(ROOSTER CROWING)
OK, who did that?
Joe stares in wonder,
knowing exactly who did that.
Pete Wilson.
And just like that, bizarrely,
Joe Connolly is fine.
Pete Wilson?
(FART NOISE)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(JOE'S LAUGHTER INAUDIBLE)
(INAUDIBLE)
More than fine.
He feels joy.
Joe Connolly is absolutely--
(RANGE OF FUNNY NOISES)
(NOISES AND LAUGHTER STOPS)
Thank you.
(QUACK SOUND)
(BELL RINGS)
To his own amazement,
Joe Connolly
has survived his first day.
Wait up!
Joe! About those lockers...
Joe Connolly has had
the hardest day of his life.
He'd have to
do it again tomorrow
and every day after that.
Maybe forever.
Honestly, it's cool.
-I got us 813 and 814.
-Near the bogs?
Ooh! Locker neighbours!
Come on! I'm starving!
And as his two best friends
stand in front of him,
he realises ...
he's actually OK with that.
-Nice shorts
-Really?
No!