Documentary Now! (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Globesmen - full transcript
Good evening.
I'm Helen Mirren,
and you're watching
"Documentary Now!",
season 51.
In 1968, filmmakers
Larry and Abraham Fein
traveled the country with four
door-to-door salesmen.
The result was a look inside
the heartbreak, rejection,
and ultimate triumph
of globesmen.
So this is, uh, a globe.
You got all the different
countries in it,
and then the continents.
They did blue for the oceans.
The, uh, globe is tilted up
so that when you face it...
hey, he's a natural at this.
Mom...
When guests come over,
and, you know, they see a globe,
they're gonna know immediately
they're in the presence
of somebody who's worldly.
You know.
We don't really
have guests over.
Well,
I... I promise you
that if you have a globe
in the home,
you're gonna find reasons
to invite them over.
You're gonna want them
to come over.
What are you doing there?
You got... you got blocks?
You know my name?
Can you guess my name?
It's Tom.
Well, these are, um,
$49.95.
I just don't feel comfortable,
um, buying something without
discussing it with my husband.
What if, uh, your...
your husband
comes home after
a long day's work,
and he says,
"What are you smiling about?"
And then you point
to the middle of the room,
and his face lights up?
And he says, "Is that a globe?"
I think it's a no.
Hi there, I'm, uh, Bob Campbell
from Amalgamated Globe.
You... you filled out
a card of interest
from the "National Geographic"...
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Margaret M...
It's very nice, but we just
can't afford it right now.
Well, I respect a woman who, uh,
you know, is careful
with the money and whatnot,
but I... I think that,
uh, you're gonna...
This globe is gonna last you
the rest of your life, you know.
And I think your husband
would agree with that.
My husband is in the hospital.
He fell off a crane.
They're not sure if he's
gonna walk again.
That's awful.
That's... that's truly awful.
I'm very sorry about that.
It's very awful.
I think what would make him
feel better, though,
is maybe if you showed up
with a globe.
Well, we... we can't even
cover the medical bills.
I'm working two jobs as it is.
They just turned off the heat,
and I think my son Tommy
might be deaf.
Oh, okay.
Which one's Tommy?
That one.
Tommy!
Tommy!
Tommy! Tommy!
Oh, there he is. See?
He's looking at me.
I think you, uh, would
very much regret it
if you did not buy this globe.
281...
Euclid.
Oh, Christ on a bike.
How's the battle, boys?
One...
two...
three...
four.
Take a bow, Mike Stankowicz.
Yeah, I ran across an old lady
who bought one
for each of her kids.
What I wouldn't do
for a nice old lady.
I'm telling you,
every name they give me
is a deadbeat or a layabout.
It's been this way for months.
Oh, don't worry about it.
You'll get 'em, Possum.
Yeah.
I should have been a fireman
like my pops.
I'm good at finding smoke.
A lot of people
have that talent.
I don't think that's
a specialism.
No, not like me. Not like me.
I could see that
black smoke miles away.
Is there any beer?
No, we're out.
Do you know why I love my job?
Because I get to see
the world every day.
Feel free to use that.
Although if you do,
I'd like you to tell people
you heard it from me.
I don't want you to use it
and then make it seem
like you came up with it.
Now, you may notice
a few faces missing
from our last meeting.
Well, it was decided that those
weren't the kind of people
we wanted representing
Amalgamated Globes.
They were kind of men
who made excuses.
Let me tell you something.
Every name we give you
is the name of a person
who filled out our card
in "National Geographic"
and then marched that card
down to the mailbox.
Now, does that sound like
something a person would do
out of whimsy?
No.
If you have their name,
they want a globe.
Now get out there
and sell it to 'em.
Aw, son of a bitch.
♪ A wish granted me,
oh, a king I would be ♪
♪ If I had coins piled
high to the sky ♪
♪ With a queen in my bed ♪
♪ And a crown on my head ♪
Hello?
Globe salesman.
Hello?
Get out!
We don't want to buy
your stinking globes!
Yeah!
That was not nice.
This is the card
you filled out, uh,
in the "National Geographic"
saying you were interested
in the globe.
Well, I wanted a globe,
but then a stopped by
selling atlases,
so I bought one of those.
It's a beautiful book.
I'll show you.
You remember the name of the man
who sold you that atlas?
I don't know, it was like a...
German name or something.
It was like, um,
Mikter...
Vic... Victor?
Richter?
Karl Richter?
Yeah, that was it.
Isn't it beautiful?
Gold leaf.
Very nice.
I got two silver stars,
and I'm losing commissions
to a guy named Karl,
with a K.
How is Richter always
in our territory
a week before we are?
Karl's got ESP or something;
He really does.
Kind of makes you happy
that Patton's dead, you know?
He'd be sick to see it.
All right, fellas,
get you anything?
Yeah, I'll take
some more coffee.
All right.
And a Salisbury steak.
And, uh, can you fill
this prescription for me?
All right.
Do you have, uh,
mashed pastrami?
Mm-hmm.
And I'll, uh... I'll take a...
a pack of cigarettes, thank you.
How are the boys?
What happened to their rabbit?
It hasn't moved in four days?
Well, it...
it's dead, dear.
It's dead.
A rabbit doesn't
go without moving
for four... four days. It's...
Well, you get rid of it.
Hello?
I... I know that's you, Richter,
you... you son of a whore.
You know, I don't...
I don't speak Kraut, okay?
Go back to Germany!
Been calling all night.
Well, you guys look tired.
What was it, Richter?
Every 15 minutes,
the whole damn night.
I don't know when
that Nazi sleeps.
Who's going first?
He's making it a whole scene.
Hello, I'm Gus McMichaels
from Amalgamated Globes.
Please, come in.
You filled out a card
in "National Geographic"
saying you might be
interested in a globe.
Yes, I did.
How much?
$49.95.
I don't think we can
afford that, honey.
My wife says we
can't afford that.
Oh, come now.
Look around.
I see nothing but quality.
And this is the finest quality
globe you'll ever see.
Okay.
You see?
It's just that easy, fellas.
I made the sale.
It's just that easy.
That's too easy.
I want to take a turn.
All right, come on. Let's go.
- Come on, Tommy.
- Who is it?
Hi, I'm Gus McMichaels
from Amalgamated Globes.
And you are?
I'm Ray.
I'm, uh, Ray Fantastic.
Jesus, Tom.
Come up with a better
name than that.
I don't know.
I'm not gonna call you
Mr. Fantastic.
Miller.
I'm Ray Miller.
All right, come in.
Now, you filled out a card?
Yeah, yes I did.
But, uh, I...
I can't have a globe.
I can't take it, 'cause, uh...
no, thank you.
That's not an acceptable
answer for me.
Uh, we... well, I'm sorry,
but circumstances have changed,
and, uh, I no longer am
interested in getting a globe,
so, you know, out you go.
Did your wife say
she didn't want it?
That's right.
My wife said no globes.
And you're such a pussy
that you let her
call the shots like that?
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, why don't you be a man
for once in your life, Tom?
- Hey, back off, Gus.
- It's Ray.
- No, you back off!
- My name is Ray.
You're not part of this.
So what's it gonna be?
Are you gonna buy the globe,
or do I go door to door
telling everyone in town
you're a kept man?
I'll buy it, all right?
- Tommy...
- Give me two.
Tommy, two?
Get your book, and...
and, uh, make it four.
- All right.
- Yes.
You win.
See, boys? It's just that easy.
Now let's go to Florida.
Ahh, the sun and the surf...
fresh air...
I think Florida's
gonna be good for us,
Oh, yeah.
I already feel my luck
turning around.
Look at this. Beautiful.
Nice.
- Oh!
- What's up?
Oh, no!
What is that?
There's something...
- Karl Richter...
- What's the matter?
What is that?
Pinnacle... it's dog crap.
Fellas, you're not gonna
believe this...
oh, jeez, he got you too, huh?
How the hell's he do this?
I don't know, but we got
to get out there
before the entire
state of Florida
is reading their atlases.
Come on.
I'm... I'm telling you,
you are not gonna regret this.
Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- It's really wonderful.
You know, Patrick
loves geography,
so I'm sure we're gonna get
a lot of use out of it.
That's a very smart young man,
and you should be
very proud of him.
Thanks.
Bermuba?
What's that, honey?
It says "Bermuba"
instead of "Bermuda."
Oh, uh, it does say Bermuba.
As opposed to what?
Instead of Bermuda.
It says Bermuba.
It's an interesting fact
with, uh, the globe
and countries is that
both Bermuda and Bermuba
are acceptable as names.
So the locals there
call it Bermuba.
There are... there are a lot of...
lot of countries that
are the same way.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.
I'm... I'm a globe salesman.
This is my job.
I know these globes.
I don't want a globe
with Bermuba.
Why... don't talk to her.
Talk to me.
Talk to me, kid.
And you... you don't ruin a sale
by pointing out mistakes.
Sir, you need to leave.
You're gonna be very happy
with this globe, ma'am.
Very happy.
$49.95, darling.
And then just... there you go,
signature right there, darling.
Do you know what I love
about my job?
I get to see the world
every day.
I didn't come up with that.
My... my manager came
up with that, but it's...
So as you can see,
it's a very top-quality globe.
Mm-hmm.
How much is it?
It's $49.95.
That's very reasonable.
Well, that is very nice
to hear you say.
Very nice indeed.
You will not believe
the number of people
who hear a price like that
and immediately try
to Jew you down.
It strikes me that as
soon as I said that,
uh, that Rothstein
is most likely
a Jewish name.
Right? I'm right.
You know, when I'm
designing a globe,
a lot of times,
I want to give up...
usually during Africa.
There are so many
African countries.
Would anyone care if I left out
a Mozambique
or a... or Rhodesia?
No. That's not what it's about.
It's about respect for myself
and the job that I do.
Now, I'm asking you
to find that same respect
for yourselves.
With that in mind,
I'd like to invite you all
to stand
and speak to your goals
in the coming year.
I think if I really
put my mind to it,
I can make about $40,000.
Uh, for me, I won't be happy
with a penny under $60,000.
I didn't know we go
go as high as 60.
Should I go?
I'm not having a very easy time.
Uh, I'm on a bit
of a cold streak.
I'm sure you've all been there,
but, uh, I doubt any of you
have ever been as, uh,
cold as I am right now.
You know, my, uh,
dad was a fireman,
and I should have followed
in his footsteps,
but I didn't, so, you know,
c'est la vie.
Uh, I would be happy with
two grand, three grand...
you know, maybe send
something to my wife
if she hasn't left me yet.
That's all I have to say,
so, uh, who's next?
I'd like to change mine
from 40,000 to 60,000.
I didn't know we
could go that high.
Hey, you'll get 'em next time,
okay, Possum?
Yeah, yeah.
All right,
I got, uh, Sunset Terrace.
What do you got?
Oh, hey, fellas.
Fellas, fellas, fellas.
Look at the license plate
on that car.
It says Atlas.
That's Richter. That's Richter!
- That's Richter, all right.
- That's him.
- It's Richter. It's him.
- What's he doing?
What's he doing?
Oh, it's got to be him.
- That's him.
- What's he doing right now?
- What's he doing?
- I don't know.
Is he buying gas, or is he...
he's walking into...
oh, he's going to the bathroom.
Going to the bathroom.
That's what he's doing.
We got to do something
with his car.
Okay, all right.
Now's our chance, guys.
Hey, what are you doing?
Cover me. Move, move, move.
- Cover me.
- Hey, fellas.
Hey, I don't know...
I don't like this.
Hey, hey.
What are we doing?
Jesus.
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
- Go, go!
- What'd you do?
Just get in the car.
Get in the car!
Hey, here's to Karl Richter,
the man who'll think twice
before he crosses a globesman.
Yes, hear, hear. We did it.
What we? What'd you do?
I did a lot.
You... you stood there.
You just stood there.
No, I didn't.
I was swinging.
You know what, let's play
"pick it and stick it,"
all right?
- Yeah!
- Play "pick it and stick it."
Come on, come on.
I don't know about
"pick it and stick it."
Oh, come on.
You in, Tommy?
- I'll play.
- All right.
- Who's got a knife?
- Call it.
- Burma.
- Burma!
Burma...
eh?
- Panama.
- Drink up, you lousy bastard.
All right, come on,
drink up, drink up.
- All right.
- One more time.
- Jamaica.
- Jamaica!
I almost got it.
Guys, you got to just
give that to him.
- Come on.
- Aw, drink up.
He doesn't have to go again.
He's almost drank a whole
bottle of whiskey.
He doesn't have to go again.
I've done a lot.
He looks fine. Tommy, go...
You look fine.
- Got a man down.
- Shh.
Spin it.
Oh, jeez.
- Oh, yeah.
- Jesus.
Jesus!
Very funny.
It is funny.
Come on, guys, that
wasn't very nice.
Oh, come on.
This is my only suit, you know!
That wasn't that funny.
Got to wash it in the sink.
- Come on.
- Take it easy, Possum.
You take it easy!
The three of you!
That's funny? Me, huh?
On my suit?
Possum, relax.
I should have been
a fireman, like my...
- A fireman?
- A fireman, yeah!
Like my dad!
I'd like to see you
be a fireman.
They'd kick your ass
is what they'd do!
Selling globes.
I have nothing.
What should we do?
- Should we soak him again?
- No!
- Don't soak him.
- What's the matter with you?
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
You're right.
Just let him sleep it off.
Yeah, just let him sleep it off.
Just let the guy sleep,
all right?
Yeah, I'm going to bed too.
I'm gonna have a smoke.
See you in the morning.
So I'm very happy
that you bought this.
This is gonna be very good.
Very, very happy about this.
I think you've made
a very good decision
that you're not gonna regret,
I really do.
Well, you certainly
do know how to sell it.
Oh, oh, well, you know what?
I believe in it,
and that makes it easy.
It really does.
Is he a salesman too?
Yeah, that's Tommy.
That's Tommy.
He's, uh... he's in a bit
of a cold spell right now.
Brought him along as a little
good luck charm,
and it worked, didn't it, Tommy?
It worked out all right.
It's a temporary...
Temporary cold funk,
but he'll...
he'll snap out of it
and being selling globes again
in no time.
Well, I think it'll
be great for the kids.
They're the right age
to learn about the world.
Oh, yeah, beautiful children.
How old are you?
- I'm 11.
- I'm 13.
Oh, 13.
- 13?
- That's right.
I certainly wouldn't
have guessed that.
Why is that?
Well, look at her.
Look at her, meaning what?
Look at...
Tommy, I wouldn't
do that, please.
Your daughter has the breasts
of a much older woman
is all I'm saying.
- That's all.
- Tommy...
And that's just a fact.
You could be offended
all you want,
but facts are facts, right?
Am I right?
Well, I you don't mind,
I'm going to, uh,
head out to the car.
I bid you all a good day.
I'll see you outside.
You smell like pee.
You could smell me
from over here?
Tommy, don't...
don't do anything.
Listen, it'd really mean a lot
of you bought the globe from him
instead of me.
Put him back on his feet. Please?
I really don't want
to do anything
to make him feel better.
Hey, boss, here's what
I'm gonna do.
Now listen... now listen, listen.
I'm gonna give you the 50, okay?
You pay him with my money.
Okay?
I'm not gonna do that. No.
Here's an extra 20.
$70 for a globe.
Please.
Please.
- Fine.
- All right, thank you.
Couldn't close it.
They don't want the globe
from me anymore.
Sorry.
You got to go in and do it.
- Me?
- Yes, you.
I'll screw it up;
You saw what I did in there.
What are you talking about?
You're not gonna
screw up anything, come on.
I open my mouth,
and, you know, it's just...
Don't worry about what happened.
Come on, you're the possum.
Come on, man,
that's what you do.
You play dead, then you
come back to life.
You're the possum. Come on.
Do it. You do it.
You're a legend. Come on.
Just help me out.
- All right.
- Please.
I made the sale.
- Look at this.
- Yeah.
I said, "I'm not gonna
leave this house"
until you buy a globe."
He said, "Shut up, I'm gonna
buy the goddamn thing."
Look at that.
I knew it!
- See, the trick is...
- Yeah?
You have to have confidence.
You have to look 'em in the eye.
That's right.
That's the whole key
to the whole thing.
- That's right.
- I was born to be a salesman.
- That's right, yeah.
- I was born to sell globes.
I mean, I have a talent for it.
World's always gonna
need salesmen.
And you're one of the best.
Yeah, I'm the master, right?
Yep.
I'm Helen Mirren,
and you're watching
"Documentary Now!",
season 51.
In 1968, filmmakers
Larry and Abraham Fein
traveled the country with four
door-to-door salesmen.
The result was a look inside
the heartbreak, rejection,
and ultimate triumph
of globesmen.
So this is, uh, a globe.
You got all the different
countries in it,
and then the continents.
They did blue for the oceans.
The, uh, globe is tilted up
so that when you face it...
hey, he's a natural at this.
Mom...
When guests come over,
and, you know, they see a globe,
they're gonna know immediately
they're in the presence
of somebody who's worldly.
You know.
We don't really
have guests over.
Well,
I... I promise you
that if you have a globe
in the home,
you're gonna find reasons
to invite them over.
You're gonna want them
to come over.
What are you doing there?
You got... you got blocks?
You know my name?
Can you guess my name?
It's Tom.
Well, these are, um,
$49.95.
I just don't feel comfortable,
um, buying something without
discussing it with my husband.
What if, uh, your...
your husband
comes home after
a long day's work,
and he says,
"What are you smiling about?"
And then you point
to the middle of the room,
and his face lights up?
And he says, "Is that a globe?"
I think it's a no.
Hi there, I'm, uh, Bob Campbell
from Amalgamated Globe.
You... you filled out
a card of interest
from the "National Geographic"...
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Margaret M...
It's very nice, but we just
can't afford it right now.
Well, I respect a woman who, uh,
you know, is careful
with the money and whatnot,
but I... I think that,
uh, you're gonna...
This globe is gonna last you
the rest of your life, you know.
And I think your husband
would agree with that.
My husband is in the hospital.
He fell off a crane.
They're not sure if he's
gonna walk again.
That's awful.
That's... that's truly awful.
I'm very sorry about that.
It's very awful.
I think what would make him
feel better, though,
is maybe if you showed up
with a globe.
Well, we... we can't even
cover the medical bills.
I'm working two jobs as it is.
They just turned off the heat,
and I think my son Tommy
might be deaf.
Oh, okay.
Which one's Tommy?
That one.
Tommy!
Tommy!
Tommy! Tommy!
Oh, there he is. See?
He's looking at me.
I think you, uh, would
very much regret it
if you did not buy this globe.
281...
Euclid.
Oh, Christ on a bike.
How's the battle, boys?
One...
two...
three...
four.
Take a bow, Mike Stankowicz.
Yeah, I ran across an old lady
who bought one
for each of her kids.
What I wouldn't do
for a nice old lady.
I'm telling you,
every name they give me
is a deadbeat or a layabout.
It's been this way for months.
Oh, don't worry about it.
You'll get 'em, Possum.
Yeah.
I should have been a fireman
like my pops.
I'm good at finding smoke.
A lot of people
have that talent.
I don't think that's
a specialism.
No, not like me. Not like me.
I could see that
black smoke miles away.
Is there any beer?
No, we're out.
Do you know why I love my job?
Because I get to see
the world every day.
Feel free to use that.
Although if you do,
I'd like you to tell people
you heard it from me.
I don't want you to use it
and then make it seem
like you came up with it.
Now, you may notice
a few faces missing
from our last meeting.
Well, it was decided that those
weren't the kind of people
we wanted representing
Amalgamated Globes.
They were kind of men
who made excuses.
Let me tell you something.
Every name we give you
is the name of a person
who filled out our card
in "National Geographic"
and then marched that card
down to the mailbox.
Now, does that sound like
something a person would do
out of whimsy?
No.
If you have their name,
they want a globe.
Now get out there
and sell it to 'em.
Aw, son of a bitch.
♪ A wish granted me,
oh, a king I would be ♪
♪ If I had coins piled
high to the sky ♪
♪ With a queen in my bed ♪
♪ And a crown on my head ♪
Hello?
Globe salesman.
Hello?
Get out!
We don't want to buy
your stinking globes!
Yeah!
That was not nice.
This is the card
you filled out, uh,
in the "National Geographic"
saying you were interested
in the globe.
Well, I wanted a globe,
but then a stopped by
selling atlases,
so I bought one of those.
It's a beautiful book.
I'll show you.
You remember the name of the man
who sold you that atlas?
I don't know, it was like a...
German name or something.
It was like, um,
Mikter...
Vic... Victor?
Richter?
Karl Richter?
Yeah, that was it.
Isn't it beautiful?
Gold leaf.
Very nice.
I got two silver stars,
and I'm losing commissions
to a guy named Karl,
with a K.
How is Richter always
in our territory
a week before we are?
Karl's got ESP or something;
He really does.
Kind of makes you happy
that Patton's dead, you know?
He'd be sick to see it.
All right, fellas,
get you anything?
Yeah, I'll take
some more coffee.
All right.
And a Salisbury steak.
And, uh, can you fill
this prescription for me?
All right.
Do you have, uh,
mashed pastrami?
Mm-hmm.
And I'll, uh... I'll take a...
a pack of cigarettes, thank you.
How are the boys?
What happened to their rabbit?
It hasn't moved in four days?
Well, it...
it's dead, dear.
It's dead.
A rabbit doesn't
go without moving
for four... four days. It's...
Well, you get rid of it.
Hello?
I... I know that's you, Richter,
you... you son of a whore.
You know, I don't...
I don't speak Kraut, okay?
Go back to Germany!
Been calling all night.
Well, you guys look tired.
What was it, Richter?
Every 15 minutes,
the whole damn night.
I don't know when
that Nazi sleeps.
Who's going first?
He's making it a whole scene.
Hello, I'm Gus McMichaels
from Amalgamated Globes.
Please, come in.
You filled out a card
in "National Geographic"
saying you might be
interested in a globe.
Yes, I did.
How much?
$49.95.
I don't think we can
afford that, honey.
My wife says we
can't afford that.
Oh, come now.
Look around.
I see nothing but quality.
And this is the finest quality
globe you'll ever see.
Okay.
You see?
It's just that easy, fellas.
I made the sale.
It's just that easy.
That's too easy.
I want to take a turn.
All right, come on. Let's go.
- Come on, Tommy.
- Who is it?
Hi, I'm Gus McMichaels
from Amalgamated Globes.
And you are?
I'm Ray.
I'm, uh, Ray Fantastic.
Jesus, Tom.
Come up with a better
name than that.
I don't know.
I'm not gonna call you
Mr. Fantastic.
Miller.
I'm Ray Miller.
All right, come in.
Now, you filled out a card?
Yeah, yes I did.
But, uh, I...
I can't have a globe.
I can't take it, 'cause, uh...
no, thank you.
That's not an acceptable
answer for me.
Uh, we... well, I'm sorry,
but circumstances have changed,
and, uh, I no longer am
interested in getting a globe,
so, you know, out you go.
Did your wife say
she didn't want it?
That's right.
My wife said no globes.
And you're such a pussy
that you let her
call the shots like that?
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, why don't you be a man
for once in your life, Tom?
- Hey, back off, Gus.
- It's Ray.
- No, you back off!
- My name is Ray.
You're not part of this.
So what's it gonna be?
Are you gonna buy the globe,
or do I go door to door
telling everyone in town
you're a kept man?
I'll buy it, all right?
- Tommy...
- Give me two.
Tommy, two?
Get your book, and...
and, uh, make it four.
- All right.
- Yes.
You win.
See, boys? It's just that easy.
Now let's go to Florida.
Ahh, the sun and the surf...
fresh air...
I think Florida's
gonna be good for us,
Oh, yeah.
I already feel my luck
turning around.
Look at this. Beautiful.
Nice.
- Oh!
- What's up?
Oh, no!
What is that?
There's something...
- Karl Richter...
- What's the matter?
What is that?
Pinnacle... it's dog crap.
Fellas, you're not gonna
believe this...
oh, jeez, he got you too, huh?
How the hell's he do this?
I don't know, but we got
to get out there
before the entire
state of Florida
is reading their atlases.
Come on.
I'm... I'm telling you,
you are not gonna regret this.
Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- It's really wonderful.
You know, Patrick
loves geography,
so I'm sure we're gonna get
a lot of use out of it.
That's a very smart young man,
and you should be
very proud of him.
Thanks.
Bermuba?
What's that, honey?
It says "Bermuba"
instead of "Bermuda."
Oh, uh, it does say Bermuba.
As opposed to what?
Instead of Bermuda.
It says Bermuba.
It's an interesting fact
with, uh, the globe
and countries is that
both Bermuda and Bermuba
are acceptable as names.
So the locals there
call it Bermuba.
There are... there are a lot of...
lot of countries that
are the same way.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.
I'm... I'm a globe salesman.
This is my job.
I know these globes.
I don't want a globe
with Bermuba.
Why... don't talk to her.
Talk to me.
Talk to me, kid.
And you... you don't ruin a sale
by pointing out mistakes.
Sir, you need to leave.
You're gonna be very happy
with this globe, ma'am.
Very happy.
$49.95, darling.
And then just... there you go,
signature right there, darling.
Do you know what I love
about my job?
I get to see the world
every day.
I didn't come up with that.
My... my manager came
up with that, but it's...
So as you can see,
it's a very top-quality globe.
Mm-hmm.
How much is it?
It's $49.95.
That's very reasonable.
Well, that is very nice
to hear you say.
Very nice indeed.
You will not believe
the number of people
who hear a price like that
and immediately try
to Jew you down.
It strikes me that as
soon as I said that,
uh, that Rothstein
is most likely
a Jewish name.
Right? I'm right.
You know, when I'm
designing a globe,
a lot of times,
I want to give up...
usually during Africa.
There are so many
African countries.
Would anyone care if I left out
a Mozambique
or a... or Rhodesia?
No. That's not what it's about.
It's about respect for myself
and the job that I do.
Now, I'm asking you
to find that same respect
for yourselves.
With that in mind,
I'd like to invite you all
to stand
and speak to your goals
in the coming year.
I think if I really
put my mind to it,
I can make about $40,000.
Uh, for me, I won't be happy
with a penny under $60,000.
I didn't know we go
go as high as 60.
Should I go?
I'm not having a very easy time.
Uh, I'm on a bit
of a cold streak.
I'm sure you've all been there,
but, uh, I doubt any of you
have ever been as, uh,
cold as I am right now.
You know, my, uh,
dad was a fireman,
and I should have followed
in his footsteps,
but I didn't, so, you know,
c'est la vie.
Uh, I would be happy with
two grand, three grand...
you know, maybe send
something to my wife
if she hasn't left me yet.
That's all I have to say,
so, uh, who's next?
I'd like to change mine
from 40,000 to 60,000.
I didn't know we
could go that high.
Hey, you'll get 'em next time,
okay, Possum?
Yeah, yeah.
All right,
I got, uh, Sunset Terrace.
What do you got?
Oh, hey, fellas.
Fellas, fellas, fellas.
Look at the license plate
on that car.
It says Atlas.
That's Richter. That's Richter!
- That's Richter, all right.
- That's him.
- It's Richter. It's him.
- What's he doing?
What's he doing?
Oh, it's got to be him.
- That's him.
- What's he doing right now?
- What's he doing?
- I don't know.
Is he buying gas, or is he...
he's walking into...
oh, he's going to the bathroom.
Going to the bathroom.
That's what he's doing.
We got to do something
with his car.
Okay, all right.
Now's our chance, guys.
Hey, what are you doing?
Cover me. Move, move, move.
- Cover me.
- Hey, fellas.
Hey, I don't know...
I don't like this.
Hey, hey.
What are we doing?
Jesus.
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
- Go, go!
- What'd you do?
Just get in the car.
Get in the car!
Hey, here's to Karl Richter,
the man who'll think twice
before he crosses a globesman.
Yes, hear, hear. We did it.
What we? What'd you do?
I did a lot.
You... you stood there.
You just stood there.
No, I didn't.
I was swinging.
You know what, let's play
"pick it and stick it,"
all right?
- Yeah!
- Play "pick it and stick it."
Come on, come on.
I don't know about
"pick it and stick it."
Oh, come on.
You in, Tommy?
- I'll play.
- All right.
- Who's got a knife?
- Call it.
- Burma.
- Burma!
Burma...
eh?
- Panama.
- Drink up, you lousy bastard.
All right, come on,
drink up, drink up.
- All right.
- One more time.
- Jamaica.
- Jamaica!
I almost got it.
Guys, you got to just
give that to him.
- Come on.
- Aw, drink up.
He doesn't have to go again.
He's almost drank a whole
bottle of whiskey.
He doesn't have to go again.
I've done a lot.
He looks fine. Tommy, go...
You look fine.
- Got a man down.
- Shh.
Spin it.
Oh, jeez.
- Oh, yeah.
- Jesus.
Jesus!
Very funny.
It is funny.
Come on, guys, that
wasn't very nice.
Oh, come on.
This is my only suit, you know!
That wasn't that funny.
Got to wash it in the sink.
- Come on.
- Take it easy, Possum.
You take it easy!
The three of you!
That's funny? Me, huh?
On my suit?
Possum, relax.
I should have been
a fireman, like my...
- A fireman?
- A fireman, yeah!
Like my dad!
I'd like to see you
be a fireman.
They'd kick your ass
is what they'd do!
Selling globes.
I have nothing.
What should we do?
- Should we soak him again?
- No!
- Don't soak him.
- What's the matter with you?
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
You're right.
Just let him sleep it off.
Yeah, just let him sleep it off.
Just let the guy sleep,
all right?
Yeah, I'm going to bed too.
I'm gonna have a smoke.
See you in the morning.
So I'm very happy
that you bought this.
This is gonna be very good.
Very, very happy about this.
I think you've made
a very good decision
that you're not gonna regret,
I really do.
Well, you certainly
do know how to sell it.
Oh, oh, well, you know what?
I believe in it,
and that makes it easy.
It really does.
Is he a salesman too?
Yeah, that's Tommy.
That's Tommy.
He's, uh... he's in a bit
of a cold spell right now.
Brought him along as a little
good luck charm,
and it worked, didn't it, Tommy?
It worked out all right.
It's a temporary...
Temporary cold funk,
but he'll...
he'll snap out of it
and being selling globes again
in no time.
Well, I think it'll
be great for the kids.
They're the right age
to learn about the world.
Oh, yeah, beautiful children.
How old are you?
- I'm 11.
- I'm 13.
Oh, 13.
- 13?
- That's right.
I certainly wouldn't
have guessed that.
Why is that?
Well, look at her.
Look at her, meaning what?
Look at...
Tommy, I wouldn't
do that, please.
Your daughter has the breasts
of a much older woman
is all I'm saying.
- That's all.
- Tommy...
And that's just a fact.
You could be offended
all you want,
but facts are facts, right?
Am I right?
Well, I you don't mind,
I'm going to, uh,
head out to the car.
I bid you all a good day.
I'll see you outside.
You smell like pee.
You could smell me
from over here?
Tommy, don't...
don't do anything.
Listen, it'd really mean a lot
of you bought the globe from him
instead of me.
Put him back on his feet. Please?
I really don't want
to do anything
to make him feel better.
Hey, boss, here's what
I'm gonna do.
Now listen... now listen, listen.
I'm gonna give you the 50, okay?
You pay him with my money.
Okay?
I'm not gonna do that. No.
Here's an extra 20.
$70 for a globe.
Please.
Please.
- Fine.
- All right, thank you.
Couldn't close it.
They don't want the globe
from me anymore.
Sorry.
You got to go in and do it.
- Me?
- Yes, you.
I'll screw it up;
You saw what I did in there.
What are you talking about?
You're not gonna
screw up anything, come on.
I open my mouth,
and, you know, it's just...
Don't worry about what happened.
Come on, you're the possum.
Come on, man,
that's what you do.
You play dead, then you
come back to life.
You're the possum. Come on.
Do it. You do it.
You're a legend. Come on.
Just help me out.
- All right.
- Please.
I made the sale.
- Look at this.
- Yeah.
I said, "I'm not gonna
leave this house"
until you buy a globe."
He said, "Shut up, I'm gonna
buy the goddamn thing."
Look at that.
I knew it!
- See, the trick is...
- Yeah?
You have to have confidence.
You have to look 'em in the eye.
That's right.
That's the whole key
to the whole thing.
- That's right.
- I was born to be a salesman.
- That's right, yeah.
- I was born to sell globes.
I mean, I have a talent for it.
World's always gonna
need salesmen.
And you're one of the best.
Yeah, I'm the master, right?
Yep.