Documentary Now! (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - The Bunker - full transcript

Good evening.

I'm Helen Mirren,

and you're watching
"Documentary Now" season 51.

In 1992,
filmmaker RC Baumgartner

set out for Ohio to chronicle
a gubernatorial campaign.

While the intended focus
was the candidates,

it soon shifted
to those behind the scenes.

Through Baumgartner's lens,
the world was introduced

to political operators
Teddy Redbones

and Alvin Panagoulious

in the campaign classic,
"The Bunker."



♪ Dreaming ♪

♪ Dreaming ♪

♪ Dreaming you'll look my way ♪

♪ Dreaming ♪

♪ Scheming ♪

♪ Hoping that you'll
be mine someday ♪

♪ Dreaming ♪

♪ Dreaming ♪

♪ Hoping that you will stay ♪

♪ In the soft of the night ♪

♪ You're holding me tight ♪

♪ When you look at me ♪

♪ Then you'll say ♪

♪ That you've been dreaming ♪



♪ Dreaming ♪

♪ Hoping you'll
be mine someday ♪

That's right.

As a former councilman,
I care very much about Ohio.

Yes.

And I think it's important
to run

and give Ohioans a choice.

That's right.

I run as a...

as a kindness, you might say.

Okay.

Well, you have a good afternoon

and then a good night.

Now, that is fun.

Talking on the telephone
to reporters.

Hey, listen to this.

"Modest though he is,

"Ben Herndon yesterday
handed his campaign

"over to a rogue's gallery
of political gurus

"including Teddy Redbones,

"the so-called
Mississippi Machiavelli,

and Alvin Panagoulious,
the boy-hunk..."

Wow... "of the Beltway."

Huh, you think I'm a cute hunk?

I feel like I'm shy.

No, they always write
the same stuff about me.

A Mississippi Machiavelli
or Sunburnt Succubus or...

what's the other one?
Suspected arsonist.

Uh-huh. Yeah?

But, uh, you know
what they always leave out?

Undefeated. That's right.

Undefeated.

Did you fellas forget
to take your shoes off?

Oh, sorry.

Apologies.

I mean, my goal is
to have an office

that just has a lot
of open communication,

so any messages
for the candidate

can go through me.

If there are any phone calls
for the candidate,

this all goes through me.

Everything's streamlined
so it goes through me.

Just faster that way, and...

I don't know who put these up,

but this one is a nine,

and this wall should be
all tens.

You know, blondes, brunettes.

Tasteful. Just tens.

It's a little thing but it
just affects everything, so...

- Okay.
- All right, thanks.

And let's please make sure
on all the flyers

that the name
is spelled correctly.

It's H-E-R-N-D-O-N, Herndon.

And now let's hear from the man
of the campaign, Mr...

Get out of my way.
Out of my way.

- Teddy Redbones.
- Get out of my way.

Let me tell you what this
election's about, okay?

Let me tell you why I wake up
at 4:30 in the morning so angry.

Because Governor Lester
with his head of hair

and his perfect suits
and his "jogging,"

well, he thinks he's got

this re-election in the bag,
right?

What, because our guy
ain't James Dean?

Well, let me tell you something.

We've all been the most
unpopular guy in the room.

Yeah?

We've all been the person
at the wedding

no one wants to speak to
during passed appetizers, yeah?

And now we're up
against Mr. Popular.

Okay?

Governor Lester with his...
his perfect record

and his money
and his $10 family,

well, let me tell you something.

Even the shiniest,
most beautiful apple

has something mushy
and brown underneath.

Now, we got to find
whatever weird, mushy brownness

we can on Governor Lester,
all right?

So let's get this goin'.
Come on.

So I guess the question is,
how do you get excited

about a candidate
who says he is only running

as a "kindness to the voters,"

and who has publicly praised.

Governor Lester's
first term in office?

He praised it publicly,
exactly, to be nice.

It's kind of like when you meet
someone's wife

and you say she's a ten
when really she's a true five.

I mean, I don't think
I'm speaking out of turn

when I say that. We all do that.

And that's
your political strategy?

Rating women?

- Ah.
- You could see it that way.

Okay. Okay.

I'm Luanne Maltley
with "Politics Now."

We'll be right back.

I think it went very well.

I understand that you're new
to our style,

but it's very effective,
I assure you.

Don't worry.

Not gonna do anything

that makes you feel
uncomfortable.

Oh, jackass alert right here.

"Re-elect Lester."

All right, hold up.

A lawn jockey?

It's 1992.

What kind of people are
th-these Lester supporters?

Our man's a little nervous
about our tactics,

but he just needs to see that
we've got it under control.

Yeah, I'm not worried
about our man.

No, what I'm worried about
is, uh,

we don't have any
honest-to-God dirt

on Governor Lester.

Oh, here's another one.

Uh-huh.

Whoo!

It's why I love Ohio,

because you can't say it without
saying, "Oh, hi."

And I want to say "Oh, hi"
to all the voters

on election day.

And maybe the voters
would like a change.

We have had a lot
of Governor Lester

and his cronies
in the toll authority.

That's right, you go
for the jugular, fat man.

I appreciate your support
and thank you all for being here

and, uh, let's...
let's win this thing.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Is that my jacket?

It's the room's jacket.

Um, our man's a little nervous
that the new TV ad is negative.

We have it?

- Mary Beth, we have it?
- Mm-hmm.

Put it in. Let's see it.

Come on. Let's go.

This Sunday is
Governor Lester's birthday.

Let's hope...

It's his last.

On election day
vote for Ben Herndon.

Okay, our biggest problem,
as usual, is time,

so this is running 18 seconds.

Local TV will run it
twice as long

if we get it done at 11.

Now can we add kids
singing "Happy Birthday"

all spooky-like?

That will just add more time.

Right.

Am I the only one
that's concerned

that this spot plays

like we want Governor Lester
to die?

Wow, I don't understand.

W... walk me through that.

I feel like you're saying,

"We hope it's
your last birthday."

In office.

We hope that Governor Lester
will celebrate

his last birthday in office

because we've got the right guy
with the right ideas

who loves his state.

We're not only saying, uh,

"Happy birthday,
Governor Lester."

We're also saying,

"Hope you don't have to work

on your birthday next year."

I mean, it's two different types
of nice.

It's a death threat.

It's clear, it's a death threat.

I know how we can shave off
five seconds.

Go.

What if we take out.

"This election,
vote for Ben Herndon?"

Yes, just say,
"Hope it's your last."

Cut to spooky kids singing,
"Happy birthday."

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Spooky as shit.

Freeze frame,
x-ray on the photo.

Okay, you just added 15
more seconds.

Goddamn it, Mary Beth.

In one hour I got to go meet
with a forger

to try to change
Governor Lester's

high school yearbook quote,
you understand?

So I've got to be able
to leave here

knowing that this ad plays
without you coming

and pinching out the waist
about ten seconds.

Okay?

I can't work like that.

- I trust you. It'll be okay.
- Mm-hmm.

Figure it out!

Mr. Redbones,
"The Cleveland Plain Dealer"

wrote today that Herndon is

"wildly unfit to be governor."

Okay, well, first,
"The Cleveland Plain Dealer's"

a terrible name for a newspaper.

Man, it sounds
like a boring blackjack dealer.

I mean, I like
my blackjack dealers

to be celebrity impersonators,
and...

and while we're talking about
gambling,

I mean, Governor Lester,
uh, you know,

he's never publicly come out
against riverboat gambling

between, uh, Cincinnati
and Northern Kentucky.

So I mean, ask yourselves that.

We could have ourselves
a gambling addict in the...

in the governor's mansion.

Y'all are barking up
the wrong dirt tree.

You don't want to write a story

that Herndon failed
basic economics

in community college five times

because we're gonna win.

We're young, we're cute.

You don't want to be the guy
who bet against us.

You want to be the guy

who went to high school
with Kathy Ireland?

And you ignored her
because she was mousy-looking

and then years later
she's on the cover

of "Sports Illustrated"?

Huh? How's that gonna feel?

You don't want to be that guy.

All right, now, listen up.

We're exactly one week away

from the only important debate

of this entire election.

I need some dirt
on Governor Lester, all right?

And I'm not talking
about mudslinging.

Something real.

What about that intern hours
thing we talked about?

Remind me, what is that again?

That's we have
the news footage

from Lester's headquarters.

Got interns. They're working.

Not only on holidays

but also more than five hours
on a business day.

These are unpaid workers so...

So he's got slaves?

No, these are interns.
It's fine to have interns.

Alvin. Alvin.

We got footage of Lester
using slaves.

No, no, no. These are interns.
They're kids.

Oh, child slaves.
Oh, that's even better.

- That's great.
- Child slaves.

I want a press conference,
that's what I want.

Tell Mary Beth
we want press conference.

You're signing off on this?

I'm signing off on...
we're both signing off on it.

What do you mean,
we sign off on it?

We're both signing off.

Don't with us, Mark.

Sign off on it.

No, but Ben, it will absolutely
dominate the airwaves tomorrow

if we hit them with this today.

Yeah, but sir,
here's what makes me nervous.

We've got nothing
going into the debate.

Nothing that pops.

I'm sure you picked
a nice suit out.

That's...

Okay.

It's a no-go.

What does he want from us?

I mean, he just can't
wrap his head

around any kind of negativity.

It's what... I never... we've
never had zilch, nothing.

Nothing at this late
in the game, I mean...

Wait, wait, wait, wait, Teddy.

What is it?

Whoo-hoo!

Got something, boss.

Once again,

this is a shoes-off house.

Yeah, not gonna happen.

Look, we got legit evidence

that Lester had a child
with his college girlfriend

and he's never admitted to it.

Look at this. Look at this.
What?

It's true. It's all true.

- And he abandoned the child?
- Yes.

Well, technically he didn't
and he's never mentioned it.

I mean, he does pay
child support

and apparently they have
a good relationship...

The point is
he's a liar, okay?

He's lied time and time again
about how many children he has...

Oh, man. Well, now
this raises questions.

Yes, yes, it does raise
some questions

we're gonna raise
in the debate tomorrow.

Oh, no...

Yes, yes, the people of Ohio
deserve to know...

You got to
take the reins on this.

Who they're gonna
pick for governor.

They need to know the truth.

Okay.

Okay, I will do it.

You'll do it?

Right, we'll see you tomorrow.

Wait. I got to go take a dump.

Where's your commode at?
No, don't... wait...

Wipe up. Shit.

I've been working on a...
uh, a Herndon impression.

- You guys want to see it?
- Yeah.

You can't tell him.

He's always so nervous.

"Well, I..."

Alvin.

"I think I'm nervous."

You think you're nervous?

Yeah, if you think you're
nervous, you are nervous.

Put the taffy down,
Tubby Tammy.

Yeah, this one works good.

I like it.

Put the taffy down, Tubby Tammy.

This one works.

You guys want to see
the King of Pop?

- Yeah, do it.
- All right, I'll do it.

Shamone!

Boss, which one you want?

I want the colorful one.

I like the one
that makes me stand out.

Let me see it. Let me see it.

Boss. Boss.

Right?

Tonight, the 1992 Ohio state
gubernatorial debate,

with current governor Tom Lester

facing off against
former councilman Ben Herndon.

And now, your debate moderator,
Rhonda Lawndes.

Live from
Wrigley Civic Center,

the 1992
Ohio gubernatorial debate.

Tonight is the night, Alvie.

The tide is gonna change.

I have prayed on it,

and I cannot engage

in this kind of attack.

Well... do you want
to lose the race?

Is that what you want to do?

If I do this,
how will I sleep at night?

Y-you drink and you take pills
like everybody else.

I believe in forgiveness.

And I am not sure what you two
believe in except yourselves.

I want you off my campaign.

Now if you will excuse me,

I'm going to have
an honest debate.

Thanks for all your help.

Thanks for having me on.

Yes, it's a lot of work.

- Yeah.
- Not for us.

- No, no, for Mr. Herndon.
- Right.

Please welcome
Governor Tom Lester.

And former councilman
and grandfather Ben Herndon.

That's the governor.

It's okay. It's all right.

With Ohio's economy
having a surplus

for the first time
in a generation,

how would you continue
economic momentum?

Well that's a...
a good question.

And I would like
to answer it tomorrow,

and also I'm out of water.

I have water for you.

We're gonna lose
this election.

No, no, no, we're ain't
gonna lose this election.

Come here.

Remeber what I told you I'd do
before I lose an election?

Oh, yes, that was crazy.

Should I do it?

Yeah.

- Yeah.
- You should do it.

Yeah.

Although I think my opponent
would make

a great grandfather of the year,

I think I'd make
a better governor.

Teddy Redbones's been shot!

They shot me!

Someone on Lester's campaign
shot me!

Oh!

Oh, man, that hurt.

That's what I'm saying.

So Cleveland, Youngstown,
Columbus,

and all the southern districts
are in.

Well, we're waiting on that,
but I don't think it matters.

We got this.

It's ours.

Congratulations, Mr. Governor.

We won.

We won!

Yeah!

Um, if you don't mind,

I'd like to say,
uh, a few things.

There are three things
that I'm grateful for

at this moment.

The first is the way
we ran this campaign.

I'm proud of everyone
in this room.

The second thing,

I recently met someone

and I... I am just giddy.

It's in that early phase
where just...

everything is exciting.

Anything.

Holding hands,
seeing each other,

just walking into the same room.

Third thing

is that I am proud and grateful

for this man right here.

Shut up. Shut up.

Shut up.

I'm gonna cry now.

It's gonna be a weird cry.

This all started with a bet
in a restaurant, that right?

A bet that we could get anyone
elected to anything.

And we did.

This was never
about the state of Ohio

or Ben...

- Herndon.
- Herndon.

It's about what we did.

We changed the way that election
narratives are hijacked.

Y'all are
political professionals.

You should be proud of that.

I'm proud of you.

You love your work,

and you learned a lot.

We all learned a lot.

Like the difference between
shooting someone in their ass

and shooting them
in their femur,

ain't that right, Mary Beth?

You should have seen her
out there.

She went, "Ahh!"

It was like Wile E. Coyote
down there.

Dumb knucklehead.

Anyway, give yourself. Come on.

Thank you.

I just heard
from Governor Lester

who offers his congratulations.

I cannot believe I am governor.

Oh, I should say now,

we have a family cruise planned
in October

for my aunt's 80th birthday,

so I will be gone
for three weeks

for the cruise.

I hope that's okay.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you for your support.

Thank you for your vote.

Thank you.