Doctor Who Confidential (2005–2011): Season 6, Episode 4 - Bigger on the Inside - full transcript
DOCTOR: Look at you.
Oh, you sexy thing!
GIRL: Where are we?
Oh, it's the Tardis, it's my home.
At least it has been
for a considerable number of years.
Why, it's a police box!
What on earth's it doing here?
These things are usually on the street.
Feel It.
Feel it Juliet.
JULIET: It's a faint vibration.
It's alive!
(WHISPERS) Alive.
I'm alive.
NARRATOR: The Doctor's latest
confused companion...
Look at you! Goodbye! No, not goodbye.
What's the other one?
...Is someone very familiar.
The Doctor meets the Tardis.
And the Tardis becomes a woman.
It's called the Tardis, this thing.
-Time and relative dimension in space.
-It's me.
She's not only
the Doctor's personal fantasy,
but countless men around the country,
I'm sure.
See that box over there? That's me!
Let's personify her.
She gets 42 minutes of life.
-So what do I call you?
-I think you call me...
Sexy.
I think he's astounded, flabbergasted,
afraid, endeared
and turned on all at the same time.
You have what you've always had.
You've got me.
So join Doctor Who Confidential as we
witness an explosive meeting of minds.
NARRATOR: At the Doctor Who studios,
the cast and crew are preparing
to shoot on a set
that seems very familiar.
Hey, Confidential Back in our Tardis,
where I did my first scene.
I can remember it
sort of weirdly like it was yesterday.
Terribly nervous.
I did a little dance around here.
(SCREAMS)
I like this Tardis. It's darker.
It's a darker sort of light.
I don't know what it all does
in the same way, though.
A pump of sorts.
Here she is, come on, Suranne.
Come and say hello.
This is the Tardis, can you believe?
She has no idea what
she's let herself in for. Folklore.
So, hi, this is Matt Smith
with Suranne Jones. Hi, Suranne.
-Hi, Matt Smith, how are you?
-Good, thanks.
-How's your time been on Doctor Who?
-Oh, it's been brilliant.
-Everyone's been lovely.
-Oh, thanks.
And I mean, were you intimidated about
taking on such an iconic part and role?
-Yes.
-It doesn't show, you're very good.
Thank you. Very intimidated by you.
-Oh, thanks. Well...
-(LAUGHS)
Not when you smack yourself in the face!
Hit myself with the microphone.
-Looks like sensible hair.
-(CHUCKLES)
Sensible hair is such a good thing.
NARRATOR: Joining the cast
and crew on set
is the man responsible for bringing
the Tardis so explosively to life,
writer Neil Gaiman.
-Brilliant. Thank you very much.
-Beautiful.
This is Neil Gaiman, Confidential.
To have Neil around
was a wonderful thing.
I had weirdly watched a movie
called Coraline not long before
and he is a sci-fi great.
Of course, Neil is one of the premier,
if not the premier,
fantasy novelists on the planet.
Cool. That was Matt Smith.
Or possibly that was the Doctor.
I'm not quite sure which one
I was talking to just then.
It occurred to me, not for
the first time, knowing Neil's work,
that I just thought,
"This guy's a Doctor Who fan.
"I can tell, I can smell it.
"He's just... He must...
He loves Doctor Who.
"He's practically writing
Doctor Who in disguise."”
"Exterior void space. Bubble universe."
"Floating in utter starless darkness,
a small asteroid that's a junkyard."
"The Totters Lane
at the end of the universe."
"On the surface, wrecked and
abandoned high- and low-tech things,"
"ripped canvas temporary structures,
held together by rope and junk."
It'd come up here and come
around so we're just kind of doing that.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
"There are four people there.
"They're all dressed
in patchwork clothes"
"that look like they were assembled
from wardrobe cast-offs,"
"using whatever was to hand."
MAN: 391, take 1.
Action.
-Will it be me, Uncle?
-Yes, it will be you.
I only wish I could go
in your place but...
Nah, I don't,
'cause it's really going to hurt.
"Holding Uncle's right hand
is Idris, who is beautiful."
"She wears a wrecked
Victorian party dress."
It's starting.
The scene we're doing right now is
before the Doctor arrives on the planet
and Idris, Auntie, Uncle and Nephew
are preparing for House to kill me.
It seems like a huge responsibility
to the audience and,
you know, all the fans of Doctor Who
to deliver on personifying the Tardis.
It can't just be a straightforward babe.
It has to be someone with
real character. Very, very sexy.
At the same time, sexy plus motherly
plus utterly mad plus serene.
WOMAN: B camera.
MAN: And action.
-What will happen?
-Oh.
(CLEARING THROAT) Nephew will drain
your mind and your soul from your body
and leave your body empty.
-I'm scared!
-I expect so, dear.
We're going to build a Tardis.
NARRATOR: It takes a quarrel in a quarry
for the Doctor and the Tardis
to really get to the heart
of their relationship.
The central idea of the story
was what would happen if the Doctor
and the Tardis actually got to talk?
Yes, I have actually rebuilt a Tardis
before, you know.
I know what I'm doing.
You're like a nine-year-old trying to
rebuild a motorbike in his bedroom.
And you never read the instructions.
I always read the instructions!
And I thought, there has to be a point
there were the Doctor would say...
You know,
you have never been very reliable.
And you have?
You didn't always take me
where I wanted to go.
I thought, and if he said that, then
I know what the Tardis would say.
No, but I always took you
where you needed to go.
And knowing that,
it's like the entire episode
grew around that conversation.
Like a pearl
around a little piece of dust.
Look at us. Talking! Wouldn't it
be amazing if we could always talk?
Even when you're stuck inside the box?
But you know
I'm not constructed that way.
She's every bit as smart as he is,
in her own way.
But her own way is very different
to his way.
She exists across space and time,
all of space and time simultaneously.
I exist across all space and time,
and you talk and run around
and bring home strays.
Turn over.
"The Doctor and Idris are assembling
a half-built console in front of them,"
"a sort of Frankenstein thing."
MAN: And action!
IDRIS: You'll need to install
the time rotor.
DOCTOR: Well, how is this
going to make it through the rift? How?
DIRECTOR: Cut. Cut it.
"They've taken the one
in the most of two walls,"
"no ceiling, 1970s Tardis as a shell."
DIRECTOR: And action!
We're almost done. Thrust diffuser.
Retroscope. Blue thingy.
"And they're building things."
"Picking up junk, examining it,
breaking bits off,"
"putting them into others."
Right. Perfect. Look at that.
What could possibly go wrong?
That's fine. That always happens.
No! Hang on. Wait.
"Working incredibly smoothly together,"
"as if they've been
doing this for years."
Right. Okay, let's go.
"Like a long-married couple."
Oh, my beautiful idiot.
You have what you've always had.
You've got me.
(WHOOSHING)
What's interesting about that episode
is that by the end of it,
we realise that it all comes back
to good old Tardis and Doctor.
GAIMAN: "And from Idris's dead mouth",
"golden lights glitter
and twinkle and gather."
DOCTOR: Look at my girl, look at her go!
Bigger on the inside!
"A cascade of energy
pours out of Idris's mouth,
"the twinkling mass of pure energy.
It fades into the room."
"The lights in the Tardis control room
begin to flicker and change,"
"as if half of the room is lit
by golden light,"
"the rest is still the greenish glow."
Finish him off, girl.
GAIMAN: “The lights are chasing each
other around the control room.
"The green glow is being
vanquished by the golden light.
"Then the control room goes dark.
A beat."”
IDRIS: Doctor? Are you there?
It's so very dark in here.
I'm here.
I think it's very hard for him
to leave her,
to not have her around, physically.
I think that must be...
It's such a romantic idea, really.
I'll always be here.
But this is when we talked.
And now even that has come to an end.
SMITH: It must have changed
the relationship with his ship.
I don't know in what way yet.
Maybe we'll find out.
But I'm sure if you asked him again
after that episode,
he'd have a different perspective
on the Tardis. He must do.
(WHOOSHING)
I love you.
He still loves her in
exactly the same way,
that connection is so strong and
hopefully you get from the episode
that that connection is so strong
and that will never change.
GAIMAN: "Hours later,
the Doctor is alone."
"He's finally finished the work,"
"puts the cover back in place, presses
a button on his sonic screwdriver"
"and the screws go down by themselves."
"And then, very quietly, hesitantly..."
Are you there?
Can you hear me?
No, I'm a silly old...
Okay, the Eye of Orion,
or wherever we need to go.
"Without him even touching the controls,"
"the light coming through
the central column burns brightly"
"and with a crash of engines,
the Tardis is taking them somewhere"
"that's almost definitely not
the tranquil Eye of Orion."
(LAUGHING)
(WHOOSHING)
Woo-hoo!
"End credits."”
Oh, you sexy thing!
GIRL: Where are we?
Oh, it's the Tardis, it's my home.
At least it has been
for a considerable number of years.
Why, it's a police box!
What on earth's it doing here?
These things are usually on the street.
Feel It.
Feel it Juliet.
JULIET: It's a faint vibration.
It's alive!
(WHISPERS) Alive.
I'm alive.
NARRATOR: The Doctor's latest
confused companion...
Look at you! Goodbye! No, not goodbye.
What's the other one?
...Is someone very familiar.
The Doctor meets the Tardis.
And the Tardis becomes a woman.
It's called the Tardis, this thing.
-Time and relative dimension in space.
-It's me.
She's not only
the Doctor's personal fantasy,
but countless men around the country,
I'm sure.
See that box over there? That's me!
Let's personify her.
She gets 42 minutes of life.
-So what do I call you?
-I think you call me...
Sexy.
I think he's astounded, flabbergasted,
afraid, endeared
and turned on all at the same time.
You have what you've always had.
You've got me.
So join Doctor Who Confidential as we
witness an explosive meeting of minds.
NARRATOR: At the Doctor Who studios,
the cast and crew are preparing
to shoot on a set
that seems very familiar.
Hey, Confidential Back in our Tardis,
where I did my first scene.
I can remember it
sort of weirdly like it was yesterday.
Terribly nervous.
I did a little dance around here.
(SCREAMS)
I like this Tardis. It's darker.
It's a darker sort of light.
I don't know what it all does
in the same way, though.
A pump of sorts.
Here she is, come on, Suranne.
Come and say hello.
This is the Tardis, can you believe?
She has no idea what
she's let herself in for. Folklore.
So, hi, this is Matt Smith
with Suranne Jones. Hi, Suranne.
-Hi, Matt Smith, how are you?
-Good, thanks.
-How's your time been on Doctor Who?
-Oh, it's been brilliant.
-Everyone's been lovely.
-Oh, thanks.
And I mean, were you intimidated about
taking on such an iconic part and role?
-Yes.
-It doesn't show, you're very good.
Thank you. Very intimidated by you.
-Oh, thanks. Well...
-(LAUGHS)
Not when you smack yourself in the face!
Hit myself with the microphone.
-Looks like sensible hair.
-(CHUCKLES)
Sensible hair is such a good thing.
NARRATOR: Joining the cast
and crew on set
is the man responsible for bringing
the Tardis so explosively to life,
writer Neil Gaiman.
-Brilliant. Thank you very much.
-Beautiful.
This is Neil Gaiman, Confidential.
To have Neil around
was a wonderful thing.
I had weirdly watched a movie
called Coraline not long before
and he is a sci-fi great.
Of course, Neil is one of the premier,
if not the premier,
fantasy novelists on the planet.
Cool. That was Matt Smith.
Or possibly that was the Doctor.
I'm not quite sure which one
I was talking to just then.
It occurred to me, not for
the first time, knowing Neil's work,
that I just thought,
"This guy's a Doctor Who fan.
"I can tell, I can smell it.
"He's just... He must...
He loves Doctor Who.
"He's practically writing
Doctor Who in disguise."”
"Exterior void space. Bubble universe."
"Floating in utter starless darkness,
a small asteroid that's a junkyard."
"The Totters Lane
at the end of the universe."
"On the surface, wrecked and
abandoned high- and low-tech things,"
"ripped canvas temporary structures,
held together by rope and junk."
It'd come up here and come
around so we're just kind of doing that.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
"There are four people there.
"They're all dressed
in patchwork clothes"
"that look like they were assembled
from wardrobe cast-offs,"
"using whatever was to hand."
MAN: 391, take 1.
Action.
-Will it be me, Uncle?
-Yes, it will be you.
I only wish I could go
in your place but...
Nah, I don't,
'cause it's really going to hurt.
"Holding Uncle's right hand
is Idris, who is beautiful."
"She wears a wrecked
Victorian party dress."
It's starting.
The scene we're doing right now is
before the Doctor arrives on the planet
and Idris, Auntie, Uncle and Nephew
are preparing for House to kill me.
It seems like a huge responsibility
to the audience and,
you know, all the fans of Doctor Who
to deliver on personifying the Tardis.
It can't just be a straightforward babe.
It has to be someone with
real character. Very, very sexy.
At the same time, sexy plus motherly
plus utterly mad plus serene.
WOMAN: B camera.
MAN: And action.
-What will happen?
-Oh.
(CLEARING THROAT) Nephew will drain
your mind and your soul from your body
and leave your body empty.
-I'm scared!
-I expect so, dear.
We're going to build a Tardis.
NARRATOR: It takes a quarrel in a quarry
for the Doctor and the Tardis
to really get to the heart
of their relationship.
The central idea of the story
was what would happen if the Doctor
and the Tardis actually got to talk?
Yes, I have actually rebuilt a Tardis
before, you know.
I know what I'm doing.
You're like a nine-year-old trying to
rebuild a motorbike in his bedroom.
And you never read the instructions.
I always read the instructions!
And I thought, there has to be a point
there were the Doctor would say...
You know,
you have never been very reliable.
And you have?
You didn't always take me
where I wanted to go.
I thought, and if he said that, then
I know what the Tardis would say.
No, but I always took you
where you needed to go.
And knowing that,
it's like the entire episode
grew around that conversation.
Like a pearl
around a little piece of dust.
Look at us. Talking! Wouldn't it
be amazing if we could always talk?
Even when you're stuck inside the box?
But you know
I'm not constructed that way.
She's every bit as smart as he is,
in her own way.
But her own way is very different
to his way.
She exists across space and time,
all of space and time simultaneously.
I exist across all space and time,
and you talk and run around
and bring home strays.
Turn over.
"The Doctor and Idris are assembling
a half-built console in front of them,"
"a sort of Frankenstein thing."
MAN: And action!
IDRIS: You'll need to install
the time rotor.
DOCTOR: Well, how is this
going to make it through the rift? How?
DIRECTOR: Cut. Cut it.
"They've taken the one
in the most of two walls,"
"no ceiling, 1970s Tardis as a shell."
DIRECTOR: And action!
We're almost done. Thrust diffuser.
Retroscope. Blue thingy.
"And they're building things."
"Picking up junk, examining it,
breaking bits off,"
"putting them into others."
Right. Perfect. Look at that.
What could possibly go wrong?
That's fine. That always happens.
No! Hang on. Wait.
"Working incredibly smoothly together,"
"as if they've been
doing this for years."
Right. Okay, let's go.
"Like a long-married couple."
Oh, my beautiful idiot.
You have what you've always had.
You've got me.
(WHOOSHING)
What's interesting about that episode
is that by the end of it,
we realise that it all comes back
to good old Tardis and Doctor.
GAIMAN: "And from Idris's dead mouth",
"golden lights glitter
and twinkle and gather."
DOCTOR: Look at my girl, look at her go!
Bigger on the inside!
"A cascade of energy
pours out of Idris's mouth,
"the twinkling mass of pure energy.
It fades into the room."
"The lights in the Tardis control room
begin to flicker and change,"
"as if half of the room is lit
by golden light,"
"the rest is still the greenish glow."
Finish him off, girl.
GAIMAN: “The lights are chasing each
other around the control room.
"The green glow is being
vanquished by the golden light.
"Then the control room goes dark.
A beat."”
IDRIS: Doctor? Are you there?
It's so very dark in here.
I'm here.
I think it's very hard for him
to leave her,
to not have her around, physically.
I think that must be...
It's such a romantic idea, really.
I'll always be here.
But this is when we talked.
And now even that has come to an end.
SMITH: It must have changed
the relationship with his ship.
I don't know in what way yet.
Maybe we'll find out.
But I'm sure if you asked him again
after that episode,
he'd have a different perspective
on the Tardis. He must do.
(WHOOSHING)
I love you.
He still loves her in
exactly the same way,
that connection is so strong and
hopefully you get from the episode
that that connection is so strong
and that will never change.
GAIMAN: "Hours later,
the Doctor is alone."
"He's finally finished the work,"
"puts the cover back in place, presses
a button on his sonic screwdriver"
"and the screws go down by themselves."
"And then, very quietly, hesitantly..."
Are you there?
Can you hear me?
No, I'm a silly old...
Okay, the Eye of Orion,
or wherever we need to go.
"Without him even touching the controls,"
"the light coming through
the central column burns brightly"
"and with a crash of engines,
the Tardis is taking them somewhere"
"that's almost definitely not
the tranquil Eye of Orion."
(LAUGHING)
(WHOOSHING)
Woo-hoo!
"End credits."”