Doctor Who Confidential (2005–2011): Season 6, Episode 12 - Open All Hours - full transcript
I'm coping on my own!
Hello, Craig. I'm back!
(LAUGHING)
NARRATOR: Confidential
are on set with an inseparable duo.
-So, I'm your baby?
-You're my baby.
NARRATOR: All this and more on
Doctor Who Confidential.
So this is James and Matt.
We're doing a video diary
for Doctor Who.
-The time is...
-Sorry.
-What's the time?
-Oh, the time is...
CORDEN: Hang on, I've got it here.
-The time is 17...
-SMITH: Three hours left!
CORDEN: You see that?
Seventeen minutes past midnight.
We've got three hours left.
Which is nothing,
because we've been working till six...
Six every morning.
...every morn and we're trying
to learn our lines.
I've just got missed call
so I might have to call my girlfriend.
-Absolutely.
-'Cause she's pregnant.
-Yeah.
-Maybe she's having a baby.
-God! That's...
-Can you imagine?
Should capture it on film.
Let's see if she's having a baby.
This is JC.
Have you had the baby?
No, she hasn't. Okay.
NARRATOR: The Doctor Who cast and crew
are preparing to film
in a department store.
They're joined by returning guest star
James Corden.
Is this Doctor Who Confidential?
This is Confidential Look who's back.
One of the great joys for me in Series 5
was how successful and how beloved
the episode "The Lodger" was.
'Cause it was quite close to my heart,
that one.
-JC's back in the house.
-How are you? I missed you.
Having had the wonderful
James Corden playing Craig,
I just said, "Can we just do it again?
Can you go back and visit again?"
"Is there some other story we can tell?"
It's a pleasure to see you again.
It's lovely to come back
to the show. It's...
It was, you know, a pleasant,
unexpected surprise, really.
Hello, I'm... Is it recording? Yes.
I just love working with Matt, really.
So it was just...
It was a no-brainer to come back.
In between scenes, Matt Smith
likes to hold art classes.
This is one of them.
I'm never quite sure how much people
getting on off-screen really affects
the on-screen stuff,
'cause they're all really good actors,
so they can fake it, frankly.
-You're beginning to annoy me, Corden.
-(CORDEN LAUGHS)
But they do get on very well
and that's up there for all to see.
CORDEN: What is this?
SMITH: Don't know.
The Doctor's this otherworldly guy
who knows everything about the universe,
and Craig is this guy
who's very comfortable
and has been pulled along
on this adventure.
And just the humour comes out of
those two worlds crashing together,
and it's very funny to watch.
(SCREAMING)
We're partners.
I love you.
It's nice for baby to have
two daddies who love each other.
(SCREAMS)
The Doctor allows Craig to come along
and play the part of his companion
and gives him advice,
and I think Craig is following
what the Doctor does, really, you know.
He thinks if you go up
and speak to people
in that kind of confidential way,
that they'll respond,
you know, he's trying it out.
He thinks, "Well, if the Doctor
can do it so can I."
All right, Alfie,
you watch Daddy investigate.
-You look cute, I'll do the talking.
-(ALFIE COOING)
And Craig, unfortunately,
meets Kelly and it goes very badly.
And action!
Good afternoon, sir. Can I help you?
Hello, I'm Craig.
Yeah?
I was thinking about him sort of
bumbling through that.
Do you mind if I ask you
some questions?
You what?
Just between me and you, in confidence,
have you noticed anything unusual?
-Interesting?
-You what?
Talk to me about ladieswear.
George!
He gets too close to Kelly,
asking her too many questions
and as he backs away,
we got him to keep bumping into this
sales unit and he knocked it over
time after time after time.
It almost felt like a stunt, in a way,
but he...
And we just kept the camera running.
Some of the stuff that happened
afterwards was so funny, you know.
Unfortunately, we had to cut away to get
the impact to be in another scene,
but what actually happened
afterwards was very funny.
Look how cute my baby is. (LAUGHS)
I'm going to head off, actually.
All right?
-Whoa!
-So sorry.
I'll be right...
I'll be going right out.
It's all right. I've got it.
I've got it.
Cut there.
(LAUGHING)
MAN 1: And cut. Thank you.
MAN 2: Very good.
Hey, come with me.
Come and look who this is.
Are you a Radio 1 fan?
-You're a Radio 1 fan, yeah?
-MAN: Absolutely.
-Doctor Who Confidential...
-Hiya.
-It's Greg James.
-All right.
-From Radio 1.
-It's exciting, isn't it?
He sent me a text saying,
"I'm coming to Doctor Who,
"and I think it's when you're there."”
And it was.
So he came down and I think he had
a bit of a shock when it was nights,
and he's in the back of shot
in one of my scenes.
So if you look just behind James
when he's being extra creepy,
you'll see Greg James shopping
for ladies' underwear.
And the only note
I gave to him is to say,
"Just make sure you're looking"
"a bit suspicious
as you're looking at this underwear."
So you'll catch a couple of flashes
of Greg over James's shoulder.
Today, I've been playing the role of
Man in Lingerie Department,
which I can do really well.
I do it most Saturdays, so I just
brought that here today to Cardiff.
And then I've to react and go...
The acting? I've got a 2.1 in Drama.
OWENS: Sorry, George.
WOMAN: Okay. Cut that.
JAMES: Someone said to me,
"Would you like to be
in a bit of Doctor Who?"
And only an idiot would say no.
And they said,
"Well, it's a night shoot."
I went, "Well, that's all right.
That's fine."
He said, "It's in Cardiff."
I went, "Okay, yeah, that's fine."”
And they said,
"You won't be done until 1:00."
I went, "That's quite late,
"cause I've got to be back at radio
"by 1:00 the next day."
It's now 4:00 nearly.
My train back to London is at 8:00.
It was very tough to shoot
in the department store
because the department store
would have to be closed,
obviously, after hours
so we could shoot,
even though a lot of scenes
were set in the daytime.
We had to shoot there from 7:00 onwards.
So after the staff would go
we would move in
and shoot till
sometimes till 6:00 in the morning.
Don't be surprised if we're not
all looking at the 12th Doctor.
That's all I'll say.
That's all I'll say.
And that's not my words,
that's the words of the producers.
It was...
It was amazing. I think what Greg
did was create a character,
and that character was called Carlos.
Carlos was shopping
for underwear for a friend,
not his girlfriend.
And it was a whole thing and...
-Did you not get that by watching it?
-Did you not...
If you watch it back now, you'll see it.
You'll see that there's a whole thing.
-That's why he sort of searches...
-You'll be kicking yourself.
Yeah, you'll really...
CORDEN: But, yeah, I mean,
I was blown away by it.
-On the DVD box it will say, "Carlos..."
-It'll say, "Carlos Who?"
-"Carlos Who."
-"Carlos Who?"
I think filming at 4:00 in the morning
does put a bit of a drain on people.
We were only there for,
I think it was four or five nights.
Then when we moved to the house
we were finishing at, like,
4:00 or 5:00 in the morning.
And me and Matt one night just...
I mean, we lost it.
SMITH: Craig?
CORDEN: Doctor?
Craig, can you hear me?
Yes, I can hear you.
I don't know what to do.
-Listen to me, Craig.
-Yes?
There's something in your house now.
If you see it...
It's been miniaturised,
but it's the most evil,
most terrible, most ghastly thing
that the universe has ever, ever known.
-What do you mean?
-It's a Dalek.
(SHUDDERING)
-What does it look like?
-Small, gold...
Oh, God. I know it.
It's in Alfie's room.
(SMITH HUMMING DOCTOR WHO THEME)
(CORDEN HUMMING DOCTOR WHO THEME)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
WOMAN: Action!
-Doctor!
-Craig!
-Do something, please!
-(GRUNTING)
The script was very detailed
on how Craig
was to be turned into a Cyberman.
CYBERMAN: Begin conversion.
One of the difficult things about
this kind of story is
what would normally be in Doctor Who,
the main plot, the alien invasion,
doesn't take over until the very end.
And it does feel like a different movie
intrudes before
the other one's finished.
CYBERMAN: Stage one,
cleanse the brain of emotion.
It becomes a very highly-charged
emotional scene.
I wanted the audience to think,
"Maybe they're going to do it."
No. Craig, fight it. They can't
convert you if you fight back.
You're strong. Don't give into it.
-Help me!
-Think of Sophie.
Think of Alfie.
Craig, don't let them take it all away.
Make it stop, please! Make it stop!
Please, listen to me, I believe in you.
I believe you can do this.
I've always believed in all of you,
all my life.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
...and I don't mind
if you just prove me right.
The series has got that theme
of death and lingering darkness.
So I wanted to try and hold that
moment for as long as possible.
Craig!
The Doctor can shout
until he's blue in the face to Craig
about Sophie and Alfie,
and "don't let it all go".
But it's actually the crying
that's the important thing.
It's the very thing that Craig has hated
that triggers that thing inside him.
So it's almost like Craig has
no conscious control over that.
-(ALFIE CRYING)
-CYBERMAN: Emotions eradicated.
Conversion complete.
(ALARM BLARING)
Alfie! Oh, please, just give me this.
Craig, you wanted a chance
to prove you're a dad.
You are never going to get
a better one than this.
-CYBERMAN: What is happening?
-What's happening, you metal moron,
a baby is crying.
And you'd better watch out
because guess what?
(LAUGHS) Daddy's coming home!
Alfie!
(LAUGHS)
Alfie, I'm here! I'm coming for you!
Yes, Craig.
-Alfie!
- (ALFIE CRYING)
Alfie needs you!
CYBERMAN: (DISTORTED)
Emergency, emotional influx.
-We've got to get out of here!
-I know!
The teleport!
-Alfie!
-Here's your daddy.
That was another review.
Ten out of ten.
The Cybermen, they blew up.
I blew 'em up with love.
It's fatherhood that destroys
the Cybermen because...
'Cause that's the real story.
It's the Doctor Who version of
a new father bonding with his son.
He blows them up with love, you know.
And I make no apologies for that.
(LAUGHS)
Hello, Craig. I'm back!
(LAUGHING)
NARRATOR: Confidential
are on set with an inseparable duo.
-So, I'm your baby?
-You're my baby.
NARRATOR: All this and more on
Doctor Who Confidential.
So this is James and Matt.
We're doing a video diary
for Doctor Who.
-The time is...
-Sorry.
-What's the time?
-Oh, the time is...
CORDEN: Hang on, I've got it here.
-The time is 17...
-SMITH: Three hours left!
CORDEN: You see that?
Seventeen minutes past midnight.
We've got three hours left.
Which is nothing,
because we've been working till six...
Six every morning.
...every morn and we're trying
to learn our lines.
I've just got missed call
so I might have to call my girlfriend.
-Absolutely.
-'Cause she's pregnant.
-Yeah.
-Maybe she's having a baby.
-God! That's...
-Can you imagine?
Should capture it on film.
Let's see if she's having a baby.
This is JC.
Have you had the baby?
No, she hasn't. Okay.
NARRATOR: The Doctor Who cast and crew
are preparing to film
in a department store.
They're joined by returning guest star
James Corden.
Is this Doctor Who Confidential?
This is Confidential Look who's back.
One of the great joys for me in Series 5
was how successful and how beloved
the episode "The Lodger" was.
'Cause it was quite close to my heart,
that one.
-JC's back in the house.
-How are you? I missed you.
Having had the wonderful
James Corden playing Craig,
I just said, "Can we just do it again?
Can you go back and visit again?"
"Is there some other story we can tell?"
It's a pleasure to see you again.
It's lovely to come back
to the show. It's...
It was, you know, a pleasant,
unexpected surprise, really.
Hello, I'm... Is it recording? Yes.
I just love working with Matt, really.
So it was just...
It was a no-brainer to come back.
In between scenes, Matt Smith
likes to hold art classes.
This is one of them.
I'm never quite sure how much people
getting on off-screen really affects
the on-screen stuff,
'cause they're all really good actors,
so they can fake it, frankly.
-You're beginning to annoy me, Corden.
-(CORDEN LAUGHS)
But they do get on very well
and that's up there for all to see.
CORDEN: What is this?
SMITH: Don't know.
The Doctor's this otherworldly guy
who knows everything about the universe,
and Craig is this guy
who's very comfortable
and has been pulled along
on this adventure.
And just the humour comes out of
those two worlds crashing together,
and it's very funny to watch.
(SCREAMING)
We're partners.
I love you.
It's nice for baby to have
two daddies who love each other.
(SCREAMS)
The Doctor allows Craig to come along
and play the part of his companion
and gives him advice,
and I think Craig is following
what the Doctor does, really, you know.
He thinks if you go up
and speak to people
in that kind of confidential way,
that they'll respond,
you know, he's trying it out.
He thinks, "Well, if the Doctor
can do it so can I."
All right, Alfie,
you watch Daddy investigate.
-You look cute, I'll do the talking.
-(ALFIE COOING)
And Craig, unfortunately,
meets Kelly and it goes very badly.
And action!
Good afternoon, sir. Can I help you?
Hello, I'm Craig.
Yeah?
I was thinking about him sort of
bumbling through that.
Do you mind if I ask you
some questions?
You what?
Just between me and you, in confidence,
have you noticed anything unusual?
-Interesting?
-You what?
Talk to me about ladieswear.
George!
He gets too close to Kelly,
asking her too many questions
and as he backs away,
we got him to keep bumping into this
sales unit and he knocked it over
time after time after time.
It almost felt like a stunt, in a way,
but he...
And we just kept the camera running.
Some of the stuff that happened
afterwards was so funny, you know.
Unfortunately, we had to cut away to get
the impact to be in another scene,
but what actually happened
afterwards was very funny.
Look how cute my baby is. (LAUGHS)
I'm going to head off, actually.
All right?
-Whoa!
-So sorry.
I'll be right...
I'll be going right out.
It's all right. I've got it.
I've got it.
Cut there.
(LAUGHING)
MAN 1: And cut. Thank you.
MAN 2: Very good.
Hey, come with me.
Come and look who this is.
Are you a Radio 1 fan?
-You're a Radio 1 fan, yeah?
-MAN: Absolutely.
-Doctor Who Confidential...
-Hiya.
-It's Greg James.
-All right.
-From Radio 1.
-It's exciting, isn't it?
He sent me a text saying,
"I'm coming to Doctor Who,
"and I think it's when you're there."”
And it was.
So he came down and I think he had
a bit of a shock when it was nights,
and he's in the back of shot
in one of my scenes.
So if you look just behind James
when he's being extra creepy,
you'll see Greg James shopping
for ladies' underwear.
And the only note
I gave to him is to say,
"Just make sure you're looking"
"a bit suspicious
as you're looking at this underwear."
So you'll catch a couple of flashes
of Greg over James's shoulder.
Today, I've been playing the role of
Man in Lingerie Department,
which I can do really well.
I do it most Saturdays, so I just
brought that here today to Cardiff.
And then I've to react and go...
The acting? I've got a 2.1 in Drama.
OWENS: Sorry, George.
WOMAN: Okay. Cut that.
JAMES: Someone said to me,
"Would you like to be
in a bit of Doctor Who?"
And only an idiot would say no.
And they said,
"Well, it's a night shoot."
I went, "Well, that's all right.
That's fine."
He said, "It's in Cardiff."
I went, "Okay, yeah, that's fine."”
And they said,
"You won't be done until 1:00."
I went, "That's quite late,
"cause I've got to be back at radio
"by 1:00 the next day."
It's now 4:00 nearly.
My train back to London is at 8:00.
It was very tough to shoot
in the department store
because the department store
would have to be closed,
obviously, after hours
so we could shoot,
even though a lot of scenes
were set in the daytime.
We had to shoot there from 7:00 onwards.
So after the staff would go
we would move in
and shoot till
sometimes till 6:00 in the morning.
Don't be surprised if we're not
all looking at the 12th Doctor.
That's all I'll say.
That's all I'll say.
And that's not my words,
that's the words of the producers.
It was...
It was amazing. I think what Greg
did was create a character,
and that character was called Carlos.
Carlos was shopping
for underwear for a friend,
not his girlfriend.
And it was a whole thing and...
-Did you not get that by watching it?
-Did you not...
If you watch it back now, you'll see it.
You'll see that there's a whole thing.
-That's why he sort of searches...
-You'll be kicking yourself.
Yeah, you'll really...
CORDEN: But, yeah, I mean,
I was blown away by it.
-On the DVD box it will say, "Carlos..."
-It'll say, "Carlos Who?"
-"Carlos Who."
-"Carlos Who?"
I think filming at 4:00 in the morning
does put a bit of a drain on people.
We were only there for,
I think it was four or five nights.
Then when we moved to the house
we were finishing at, like,
4:00 or 5:00 in the morning.
And me and Matt one night just...
I mean, we lost it.
SMITH: Craig?
CORDEN: Doctor?
Craig, can you hear me?
Yes, I can hear you.
I don't know what to do.
-Listen to me, Craig.
-Yes?
There's something in your house now.
If you see it...
It's been miniaturised,
but it's the most evil,
most terrible, most ghastly thing
that the universe has ever, ever known.
-What do you mean?
-It's a Dalek.
(SHUDDERING)
-What does it look like?
-Small, gold...
Oh, God. I know it.
It's in Alfie's room.
(SMITH HUMMING DOCTOR WHO THEME)
(CORDEN HUMMING DOCTOR WHO THEME)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
WOMAN: Action!
-Doctor!
-Craig!
-Do something, please!
-(GRUNTING)
The script was very detailed
on how Craig
was to be turned into a Cyberman.
CYBERMAN: Begin conversion.
One of the difficult things about
this kind of story is
what would normally be in Doctor Who,
the main plot, the alien invasion,
doesn't take over until the very end.
And it does feel like a different movie
intrudes before
the other one's finished.
CYBERMAN: Stage one,
cleanse the brain of emotion.
It becomes a very highly-charged
emotional scene.
I wanted the audience to think,
"Maybe they're going to do it."
No. Craig, fight it. They can't
convert you if you fight back.
You're strong. Don't give into it.
-Help me!
-Think of Sophie.
Think of Alfie.
Craig, don't let them take it all away.
Make it stop, please! Make it stop!
Please, listen to me, I believe in you.
I believe you can do this.
I've always believed in all of you,
all my life.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
...and I don't mind
if you just prove me right.
The series has got that theme
of death and lingering darkness.
So I wanted to try and hold that
moment for as long as possible.
Craig!
The Doctor can shout
until he's blue in the face to Craig
about Sophie and Alfie,
and "don't let it all go".
But it's actually the crying
that's the important thing.
It's the very thing that Craig has hated
that triggers that thing inside him.
So it's almost like Craig has
no conscious control over that.
-(ALFIE CRYING)
-CYBERMAN: Emotions eradicated.
Conversion complete.
(ALARM BLARING)
Alfie! Oh, please, just give me this.
Craig, you wanted a chance
to prove you're a dad.
You are never going to get
a better one than this.
-CYBERMAN: What is happening?
-What's happening, you metal moron,
a baby is crying.
And you'd better watch out
because guess what?
(LAUGHS) Daddy's coming home!
Alfie!
(LAUGHS)
Alfie, I'm here! I'm coming for you!
Yes, Craig.
-Alfie!
- (ALFIE CRYING)
Alfie needs you!
CYBERMAN: (DISTORTED)
Emergency, emotional influx.
-We've got to get out of here!
-I know!
The teleport!
-Alfie!
-Here's your daddy.
That was another review.
Ten out of ten.
The Cybermen, they blew up.
I blew 'em up with love.
It's fatherhood that destroys
the Cybermen because...
'Cause that's the real story.
It's the Doctor Who version of
a new father bonding with his son.
He blows them up with love, you know.
And I make no apologies for that.
(LAUGHS)