Doctor Who (1963–1989): Season 9, Episode 21 - The Time Monster: Episode One - full transcript

UNIT are invited to observe a demonstration of the new TOMTIT machine, unaware its creator, Professor Thascales, is actually the Master.

Sincro: wyxchari

Welcome! Welcome to your new Master!

Jo! Jo! Jo!



Doctor... are you alright?

Oh, oh, I must have been dreaming.

I'll say you were. A real pippin of a dream. I've brought you a cup of tea.

Do you want it?

Volcanoes and a... and earthquakes.

Thank you. I enjoyed that.

Doctor, have you been working all night again?

Mmm hm.

On that?

I don't know. What is anyway - a super dematerialisation circuit?

No, no. No, that'll have to wait. No, this is far more important. It might make all the difference the next time he turns up.

The next time who turns up?

The Master, of course. Jo, now listen to me - I want you to find out as quickly as possible if there have been any volcanic eruptions or severe earthquakes recently. It doesn't matter where - anywhere in the world.

You're joking of course!

Believe me, this is no matter for jokes.

But I read it all out to last night, I...

Don't go away.

It just shows you don't listen to a word I say, doesn't it? Now, yes, here we are. "New eruptions in the Thera group of islands. " Somewhere off Greece.

Does it say anything about a crystal?



No, what crystal? Look, I know I'm exceedingly dim, but would you mind explaining?

Well, it was in my dream, Jo. There was... there was a large crystal. Shaped like a trident...

A simple piece of quartz - nothing more.

But Professor Thascales, that is ridiculous.

Of course it is, Dr. Ingram, of course it is!

You know, there is no means whereby I could prove to you that that crystal is any different from any other piece of quartz, and yet... it is unique. As you say; ridiculous!

So, this is the missing piece of equipment we've been waiting for?


I'll swear I switched that alarm off in my sleep!

Oh, sorry, Prof.

Simmer down, Stu, for pete's sake.

Please do not call me "Prof".

In the doghouse again!

Now quiet, both of you. Now listen - I have a meeting with the new director in two and a half minutes. So, I'm afraid I shall have to leave the final tests for the demonstration to the two of you.

But aren't we going to have trail run, Professor?

No, it's not necessary.

Well, that's marvellous! We're going to look a right bunch of Charlies if this fellow from the Grants Committee turns up and we're left with egg on our faces.

Yes, surely, Professor, it would be better if...

Now look, my dear, there is no need for you to worry your pretty little head!

And there's no need for you to be so patronising, Professor. Look, just because I'm a woman, there's no need to treat me like...

Here we go!

No, no, no, I'm sorry. You're quite right, Doctor. Please forgive me.

And now, erm, do please run those tests?

That man! You know, I don't what infuriates me more - his dictatorial manner or that infernal courtesy of his.

It's all the same really - a bland assumption of male superiority.

May God bless the good ship women's lib and all who sail in her!

There you are, Jo - the Thera group. Those little islands there.


Come and take a look.

No, not now, Jo, I'm busy.

But it's the map you asked for.


There, you see?

Thera. It doesn't mean a thing to me.

Well, its says... "Santorini" in brackets. Well that must be another name for it. How about that?

Oh, let's forget all about it, Jo, shall we? Well, I just had a nightmare, that's all.

Sorry, Mike.

Ha! Better than hanging round the duty room. If nothing turns up soon, I'll go round the twist.

That makes two of us. Here was I, all ready for a nice little trip to Atlantis...


Well nothing, I was just saying to Mike...

Yes, I heard what you said, but you said Atlantis - why Atlantis?

Well that's what it says in the paper.

Give me that map, Captain Yates.

Yes, here we are - "Believed by many modern historians to be all that remains of Plato's metropolis of Atlantis. "

Of course, of course!

Atlantis? I thought that was supposed to be in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean?

Well, you're a bit out of date. Apparently it was part of the Minoan civilisation. Oh, you know - the Minotaur and all the Cretan jazz.

It's only a legend though, isn't it?

Jo, get me the Brigadier, will you?

What - now?

Yes, now!

Oh, all right.

The Brig? Why the Brig, for heaven's sake?

Search me.

Doctor? It's the Brigadier.

Hello, Brigadier? It's the Doctor here. Now listen to me - I want you to put out a world-wide warning. Alert all your precious UNIT HQ's, not that it'll do any good...

Thank you very much. And against what precisely am I supposed to be warning the world?

The Master. I've just seen him.

Seen him? Where? When?

In a dream.

Not half an hour ago.

In any case, Doctor, every section of UNIT now has the search for the Master written into standing orders.

Priority Z-one hundred and forty four, I suppose?

Priority A-one actually.

Look, I tell you, Brigadier - there is grave danger.

Danger of what, for heavens sake?

Well, I'm not sure, but in my dream I quite clearly saw...

You know, if this got out, you'll be the laughing stock of UNIT. A dream - really, Doctor, you'll be consulting the entrails of a sheep next.

Right, we'd better be on our way to the UNIT institute. Ready, Doctor?

No, I can't go anywhere at the moment. I'm far too busy.

But I told them you'd be coming. Two observers from UNIT, I said.

Well, shall I go?

No, certainly not, Jo. I shall need you here with me.

Well, what's it all about anyway?

TOMTIT - that's what it's all about. A demonstration of TOMTIT.

TOMTIT? What on earth does that stand for?

Well, it's the... the trans...

Transmission Of Matter Through Interstitial Time.

Yes, exactly what I was going to say - TOMTIT.

Well, what does it do?

Oh, it's a brilliant idea, apparently it can break down solid objects into light-waves or whatever, and transmit them from one place to another.

And it works?

Apparently. Well, Yates, I suppose you'd better come with me.

Sorry, sir. I'm Duty Officer.

Well, someone's gotta come!

I'm just leaving, sir.

Ah, Sergeant Benton - the very man.

But I'm just off on a forty-eight hour pass, sir.

Oh no, you're not, Sergeant. You're coming for a little trip to the Newton Institute.

Yes, sir. The where, sir? The Newton Institute?

That's right. It's a research establishment at Wootton, just outside Cambridge.

A charlatan! How dare you!

Dr. Cook is not only chairman of the Grants Committee, but a colleague and a personal friend. Am I to tell him this afternoon that I am as gullible as that drunkard I have replaced? How is it that I can find no trace of your academic career before you visited Athens University, Professor?

How is it that you publish nothing? That you refuse to reveal the hypothesis behind your so-called experiment? That the very name of your project is arrogant nonsense?! TOMTIT! What, pray, is "Interstitial Time"?

You're a very clever man, director. I can see that I shall have to tell you everything. Oh, yes, you... you're perfectly right. I am no professor...

Ah, say no more...

But do please hear me out.

I can see that you're very upset...


But there is nothing to worry about. You must believe me...

You must believe me!

You must... believe me...

Must... believe you...

I am the Master. You will listen to me... and you will obey me! You... will... obey... me!

Obey... obey. I will obey.

Now you just sit there quietly and await the arrival of this wretched man from London. And remember - you are perfectly satisfied as to the authenticity of my credentials, and the integrity of my work here. You understand?

Yes... I understand.

One, point, three-five-nine.

One, point, three-five-nine, check.

Two, point, o-four-five.

Two, point, o-four-five, check.

Three, point, o-six-two.

Three, point, o-six-two, check.

Five-nine and steady.

Five-nine and steady.

And that's the lot.

And that's the lot, check, check, check!

And now we just stand around and wait.

You know, I still think it's just plain stupid not to do a trial run. It's ludicrous.

Ludicrous - check!

Oh, grow up, Stu.

No, but I mean it, love. It is ludicrous. I mean, just suppose this thing won't wag its tail when we tell it to?

Well, they withdraw the grant.

As sure as God made little green apples, and bang goes my fellowship.

Bang goes my job - and my reputation too, for that matter. Men - it's their conceit that bugs me.

Hey, hey, I'm on your side, remember?

Oh, you don't count.

Oh, don't I? And why not, may I ask?

Look, don't bully me, Stu, or I think I'll burst into tears.

Let's do it!


Have a run through.

Without him?

Well, why not?

Well, it is his project. I mean, he's the boss.

Nominally. But do you think how much you've put into it. It's a joint affair. I reckon you've as much right to take a decision as he has.


Course, if you need a man in charge...?

That does it! We go ahead.

That's my girl!

You know, Doctor, you're quite the most infuriating man I've ever met.

I've asked you at least a million times - what is it?

Extraordinary - I could have sworn I'd told you. It's a time sensor.

Oh, I see.

Do you? Well, what's it do then?

W... well, it, erm...

Mmm hm?

It, erm, detects disturbances in a time field.

Well done, Jo, you're learning! It's exactly what you need if you happen to be looking for a TARDIS.

It's a "TARDIS sniffer-outer"!

Yeah, or any other time machine, for that matter. So, if the Master turns up again...


As you so rightly say - Bingo!

I feel like the back end of a pantomime horse.

Very suitable for a keen young man like you.

Eh, come again?

Starting at the bottom.

Ooh! Anyway, it's just a waste of time. Why should there be any radiation in the receiver room? We're only going to use about ten degrees.

Are you willing to take the risk?


Well, stop beefing then and get on with it.

Interstitial activity - nil.

Molecular structure stable. Increasing power. Two-o, two-five, three-o...

I say, Doctor, you're not going to disappear to Venus or anywhere like that, are you?

No, no. You just keep your eye on those dials.

It's working!

Well, of course it's working. Now make a note of the readings, will you?


Three-five, four-o, four-five...

Check, check, check!

Well done.

Thank you.

It's a bit out on distance though. It says the TARDIS is only a foot away.

Well, that's venusian feet.

Oh, they're larger than ours?

Oh yeah, much larger. Almost tripping over themselves, the Venusians.

Good, that's good.



I think you must have left something on in the TARDIS.

No, I certainly didn't - why?

Well it's started again.

That's impossible unless...

Unless what?

Another TARDIS!

Isolate matrix scanner.


Five-o, five-five, six-o.

It's going to work!

Write down the _. Stand by. Initiating transfer... now!

Ten... nine... eight...

Why - the fools!

Four... three... two... one!

Okay, Ruth - switch off! We've done it!

Stuart, come here!


Come here, Stuart!

The positive feedback - she's overloading! Look, you'll have to bring the surge down as I reduce the power or she'll blow.


We've done it!

We've done it! We've done it! We've done it! We've done it! We've done it! We've done it! We've done it! We've done it!

Now, I put it somewhere in that sector there. Anywhere between...

Well, fifty and a hundred miles from here.

Well, that's not much to go on.

No, not unless he switches his TARDIS on again.

Well, you never know - he might.

If we were a bit nearer... and in Bessie.

Right - let's go! You take the map.

You are a fool, Dr. Ingram!

You have no right to call me a fool...

Be silent! You may have caused irreparable damage.

Look, I was in full control the whole time...

That is irrelevant. Mr. Hyde, why did you permit this stupidity?

Here, hang about, mate. I'm not my sister's keeper. She's the boss. Anyway, I suggested it.

Yes, I might have guessed that. You're behaving like a... an irresponsible schoolboy! You'll pay for this!

The decision, professor, was entirely mine!

Ah, I see, therefore...

I take... I take full responsibility for testing the apparatus, and I'm prepared to justify my actions at the highest level. Perhaps we'd better go and see the director right away and sort this out.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry, doctor, please excuse me. That won't be necessary. We need take this matter no further.

Well, that's all very well, professor, but after what you...

Please, doctor, accept my apologies.

Oh well, perhaps it was a bit unethical of me not to have told you.

Oh, come off it, Ruth! He's only climbing down because he doesn't want us to walk out. He needs us for the demo.

How very clever of you, Mr. Hyde. Of course I need you - both of you.

After all, prof, we couldn't risk a foul-up disaster when the...

No, no, no, no, say no more. The whole matter is closed.

Well... not quite, professor. You see, it wasn't exactly plain sailing. We had some sort of a positive feedback - an overload.

But... but that is impossible!

See for yourself.

Mmm? See?

I see. Yes... Of course, how foolish of me!

Hey, Ruth, professor, come here!

What is it, Stu?

The crystal - it's still glowing!

Well, of course it is!

Well, you know what caused the overload then?

Yes, don't you see? You were drawing power from somewhere outside of time itself. Now, what we have to do is to build a time vector filter into the transmitter here. Look, let me show you - something like this...

And... it's a paracybernetic control circuit, in fact.

Yes, but won't that take some time to set up? The demonstration's at two.

Mmm, yes, I'm afraid it will take some time, and I'm afraid I will have to leave it to you, because I am expected to eat a pretentious meal and exchange pleasantries with our distinguished guests.

That's all right, prof. You go and enjoy your nosh. Leave it to the toiling masses.

Mr. Hyde, I have every faith in you - and in you, doctor. There.

Hey, you'd better get your skates on. The VIP's are arriving... escorted by a UNIT jeep, no less.


What are they doing here?

Military observers, happens all the time. They're the only ones with enough money for our sort of nonsense.

I see. Dr. Ingram, I've changed my mind. I will set up this filter myself.

Well, I'm perfectly capable of constructing a simple, professor.

I am sure that you are equally capable of devouring a tough pheasant on my behalf.

Well, why can't you go and devour it?

Look, doctor, please... I am lifelong pacifist. Now the association of the military with killing, with... with violence... please bear with me.

Very well. I'll get them to send some sandwiches across to you.

Good thinking, batman. We've got a nutcase on our hands!

He's not dead?

No, he's still breathing.

Who is he?

Well, the window cleaner, I presume. He must have fallen off that ladder. It's a miracle he's still alive.

Oh, poor fellow. Well, come along, Proctor. I trust you'll make the necessary arrangements to get him into hospital?

Of course, sir. Sergeant Benton?


Huh, it's a doomy old day. I mean, just look at that sky - just look at it!

Do stop wiffleing, Jo? There's a good girl. We're not out on a pleasure jaunt, you know?

Sorry, Doctor.

Only, if it is the Master, we can't run the risk of losing him. You just keep your eye on the time sensor.




It's working again.

What's the bearing?

Er, o-seven-four, and, er, sixteen point three-nine miles away.

So, that's venusian miles. In earth miles, that's be... about seventy two, point seven-nine. Let's take a look at the map.

Well, we're about here.


That should put us somewhere around... there. A village called Wootton.

Wootton? Well that's where the Brigadier and Sergeant Benton are.

TOMTIT? Well, if the Master's behind that...? What time's the demonstration?

Two o'clock.

Well, we've got to stop it. Hang on tight, Jo.

There you are, Charles. It may seem churlish of me after eating your excellent lunch. How your institute can afford pheasant, I really don't know.

We are in the depths of the country, you know?

Be that as it may. We are responsible for international funds - public money. I doubt very much whether we should allow ourselves the luxury of either pheasants... or TOMTITS.

Well, the professor doesn't seem to be here, gentlemen.


Ah, Stuart, where's the professor?

Search me. He was here a couple of minutes ago.

Who is this fellow, Thascales, anyway? I've never heard of him.

Oh, an excellent background. Surely you've read his paper on the granular structure of time?

All I can do to keep up with the departmental minutes. I leave all the rest to Proctor.

That's a fearsome looking load of electronic nonsense you've got together, Dr. Ingram? How does it all work? In words of one syllable.

I'll do my best. Well, gentleman, to begin with, time isn't smooth. It's made up of little bits.

A series of minute present moments.

Mm, that's it - temporal atoms, so to speak. So, if one could push something through the interstices between them, it would be outside our space-time continuum altogether.

Where would it be then?

Well, nowhere at all in ordinary terms.

You've lost me, Dr. Ingram.

And me. I've never heard such a farrago of unscientific rubbish in all my life. It's a impossible situation.

But we've done it. We shoved that vase through and brought it back, in there.

But shoved it through where, for goodness sake?

Sort of... through the crack between now and... now, sir.

Right - you've got it!

Well, I give up. It's beyond me.

Then you must see for yourselves, gentlemen.

I apologise for keeping you waiting. Shall we begin?

Doctor, slow down. It's not safe to drive so quickly - please!

Nonsense! It's perfectly safe. My reactions are ten times faster than yours. Bessie's no ordinary car, remember?

See what I mean?

But why didn't I go through the windscreen?

Well, the brakes work by the absorption of inertia - including yours.

It's working again.

Right, come on, Bessie, old girl. It's up to you now.

Surely you don't need to wear anti-radiation gear, professor?

In case of an emergency, doctor. I may have to join Mr. Hyde in a hurry. Report, Mr. Hyde?

Interstitial activity- nil.

Molecular structure - stable. Four-o, four-five, five-o.

Increase in power.

Isolate matrix scanner.


Six-o, six-five, seven-o, seven-five...

Increase in power!

It's gone into the second quadrant already, professor.

I know what I'm doing, doctor. Initiating transfer - now.

Ten, nine, eight...

Seven, six, five...

Four, three, two, one...

I'm getting too much power! I can't hold it! Switch off!

Turn it off, professor! Turn it off!

Come, Kronos, come!