Doctor Who (1963–1989): Season 4, Episode 3 - The Smugglers: Episode 3 - full transcript

Polly and Ben are placed in the custody of Blake, who reveals he also has his suspicions about the Squire, while the Doctor and Kewper are forced to team up to escape from Pike's ship.

Sincro: wyxchari

Recaptured again, eh lad? We'll have no tricks this time.

He's the bloke that kidnapped the Doctor.

Wrong, lad. Don't deface the character of my dear friend.

Look, Squire, why can't you believe this...

Hold your tongue! You're vagabonds, both of you, not to be trusted. Bind them, eh?


What about this one? He's a right villain.

Hmm? These gentlemen are honest merchants.

Squire! Squire!


Blake! What the blazes are you doing here?

I'd be obliged if you'd release me, sir, before asking questions of me.

Aye, certainly, but, ah, I have no knife. One moment.

This Blake is a revenue man. There's trouble afoot.

Should I...?

Nay, Mister Cherub, hold fast. What does he know?


Well, use him! Let him take these prisoners, as is his duty.

Aye, and then we're free of them.

Squire, won't you release me, sir?

Cut him free, Mister Cherub.

Aye, release him. You've laid hands upon one of the king's revenue men, Josiah Blake.

But we thought he was the murderer.

Be silent, sir! These pretty young vagabonds have murdered my Churchwarden.

Joe Longfoot?

None other. They must be therefore taken to prison, and as magistrate I place this duty upon you.

I am a revenue man, sir, not your sheriff.

Nevertheless, you will do as I say.

I am on orders from the king, sir, for the apprehension of smugglers.

Could they not be smugglers too?

Aye, indeed. What say you?

Aye, they could be.

Look, we haven't done a thing. We didn't kill anyone. We haven't smuggled anything. Look, sir, you can take our word for it.

Their tongues waggle o'er much for my ears.

Aye, agreed.

Very well, I will take them with me. Thank you for saving me from these rogues. They will get the treatment they deserve.

Take my pistol. They're wily knaves.

Oh, thank you, Squire. Alright. Good day to you, Squire. Alright, move, villains!

Now, sir, I hope this works. You may pick up any five cards.

Aye... one... two... three... four... five.

Do you, ah, wish me to tell you?

Aye! I have no fear of what lies therein.

Ah, such brave words, my friend, brave words. But these cards hold the secret to your life or death.

I can tell you that without cards. Death!

Do not mock that which you do not understand.

Oh, come, old man. Tell me what the future holds. Read the cards.

Very well, my friend, very well. Be it on your own head.

Oh, beware. Stand back! Or you will affect the cards.


Hmm. Yes, yes, yes, that's very strange, hmm, hmm. And very disturbing.

What do these cards mean?

Well, I'm afraid they're rather unpleasant. Yes, the first one, ah, represents yourself, ah, innkeeper.

I am no knave, sir!

Well, the cards have it so, sir. Huh, huh.

And the second is master Cherub.

See a dagger? That's Cherub right enough.

The third is the king. The blackest villain of them all.

Next, the ace?

Yes, and that is death itself.

The Captain.

What, Pike? Ah, and this one, the jack of diamonds, what is he?

Well, I'm afraid I have no idea about that, sir, but, ah, I can assure you he will triumph in the end. Hmm, hmm, hmm.

Ah, 'tis all madness.

Well, you may call it what you wish. I know it's only cards, but eh, sometimes they tell the truth.

About any man, like me?

Oh, yes indeed. Yes, yes! Aren't you afraid?

Me? Jamaica ain't afraid.

Very well then, my friend, shuffle for yourself and let's see them reveal your own fate. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

Well done, innkeeper. Now a rope! Tie him up.

A... a guileful trick, Doctor.

Yes, perhaps, perhaps, yes.

It was a trick, was it not?

No time for idle speculation. We have to get away from this boat as soon as we can.

'Twill not be easy without being seen.

Yes, our only chance.

Then we must try.

Yes, and we've got to hurry if I'm to help my friends.

But first we must seek the aid of the Squire.

Yes, because he has them prisoner, hmm.

But he is the magistrate. He was but doing his duty. Once is he... he is informed, he will let them free. No doubt of that.

Yes, I think you're quite right, yes. It's better to have the law on our side, isn't it?

In these dark days honesty surely pays.

Yes, well, ah, I hope your fortune turns out alright, my friend. Hmm, hmm...

I feel well free of these vagabonds.

Such guile and wisdom, eh Mister Cherub? A master of men, no less.

Indeed, sir, a kid glove upon an iron hand.

I wish it were always so easy to, eh, guide the officers of the revenue. But I have not the quickness of wit of ye, Squire.

Such subtle ways gladden my soul.

Indeed, if one has the brains, 'tis pity they be not used, eh?

Rid of both law and villainy. Indeed sir Squire, I find myself trusting ye more and more.

With you to lead us, sir, all fears are dispelled. How can we fail?

Indeed, we cannot. But I would surprise you more.

How is that, sir Squire?

Why, like this.

The grave holds it's secrets, eh?

But few as worldly as this, eh?

Silks, tobacco and brandy, Captain. This is our immediate cache, you understand.

Aye? Then where are we to place our merchandise?

Why, upon the beach where you'll be met.

Whyfore not here?

This is our domain, the sea is yours. Our routes and methods must remain our own. But have no fear, this will be emptied before tomorrow's tide.

Tomorrow night, then, sir, at the time arranged.

Yes, a small beacon will be lit upon the shore at two past twelve. There you'll be met.

What if there is any danger?

A second fire will be lit close by.

Why then, we are suited. Except for payment.

Oh, that's soon settled. Not here, not now. Over wine and food, what say you?


What are you doing?

Well is it not obvious?

Well yeah, but why release us, mate?

I know...

Whose side are you on?

I know you not, but of your tale and the Squire's, I would rather trust your word than his.

Well, thank goodness somebody believes us. Ah, can you untie me then?


Yeah, I was getting worried.

I have not said I hold you in complete trust.

Oh no, I know, because we're strangers. Anyway, mate, as long as you're against the Squire and those other two layabouts, we're with you.

But why don't you trust the Squire?

Word of mouth has it that the Squire rules the smuggling ring, but as yet I have no proof.

What, can we help?

No, no. This calls for armed men.

Armed men? Are you expecting something to happen?

Did you not observe the two men who were with the Squire? Seamen, both.


Bringing goods for smuggling!

Aye, more than likely. And soon. This night or tomorrow, they will land their goods.

And then you'll be there and nab them!

Only if I can get men in time. Otherwise I can do nothing.

But if these two sailors were smugglers, what would they want with the Doctor?

Who knows? He's got a funny way of landing himself right in it all the time.

This friend of yours, the one you call the Doctor, is he a... a learned man?

Oh, not half.

Ah, more's the pity. A soldier or a mercenary at this point would be mighty advantageous.

The Doctor may not be a soldier, but he's jolly crafty at getting himself out of trouble. At least he was when we were in London.


Yes, and why not here, my dear?


What happened to you? Where did they take you? How did you escape?

Oh, my dear child, my dear child, control yourself. Let it suffice that I did escape in the company of Kewper. You remember, the innkeeper?

But he's in with the Squire.

Yes, that's right. Yes, yeh, eh...

Kewper is thought to be deeply involved, and he knows me.

We came to rescue you lads. We know who killed the Churchwarden.

Who did, then?

Well, the villain they call Cherub.

The villain who is now involved in more villainy with your Squire.

Ay, Mister Blake!

It's true. And what's more, Mister Blake knows that Ben and I are innocent and it's you and Squire that are...

No, Polly!

It's a trap you set for me, is it? Did I but know that you were a revenue spy...

No, master Kewper.

Stand from me, I say. Aye, Doctor, but that you saved me from death I'd slay you now. But the next time we meet, look not for pity then.

Take that!

Stop in the name of the law!

Captain, they tricked me into it. I swear it was no fault of mine.

Aargh, ye black-souled scum! Escaped!

But, Captain.

I'll tear your liver out and feed it to the sharks, ye sea slime.

It was the old man, Captain. He cast a spell on me, I swear it.

I'll cast a spell on ye, me pretty death's-head. A spell that'll run from ear to ear. Escaped!

'Twas the black arts, Captain.


Spare me, Captain. Spare me.

I'll keelhaul ye from here to Port Royal. Where did they make for?

I know, Captain. I know.

Then speak, boy, while ye still have breath.

I heard them speak, Captain. They said about going to see the Squire.

Ah, that buffoon, what good'll he be to them?

They said that he was the law.

Aye, had he a will he'd call the militia, but I doubt he'll do that.

Captain, do you think he would lay a trap?

It follows, Jamaica.

So we have to surprise them, Captain.

Ye speak straight, Jamaica. They expect us tomorrow night at two of the clock.

Then, we must go tonight at one.

Jamaica, you'd have made a fine skipper but you're short on guile. Any dark of the night they'll expect us. We'll spike 'em. We'll land by day. Some will go direct to the church and loot the smugglers horde. Me and Cherub will seek Avery's gold.

Aye, Captain, plunder the inn, the village, and the Squire's fine hall.

Aye, 'twill be a merry night, but not for ye.

Captain. Captain. I beg thee. No! No! No! Ahh!

Fare ye well Jamaica.

Cherub! Cherub! Where in blazes of Hell are you? Cherub! Where's Cherub? Speak, boy.

Not aboard, Captain. Not aboard.

Not aboard? Where in Satan's name is he?

Pike intends to sack the old church, and at the same time search for Avery's treasure.

Indeed? Strange secrets, these. But when?

Well, I can't be exact, sir, but pretty soon. I should say tonight or tomorrow night.

Ah, then help is desperately needed if these pirates are to be thwarted.

Yes, especially if, as Kewper thinks, that, eh, the village will be pillaged and burnt too.

Ay, what for?

'Tis Pike's way. Death is second nature to him.

Yes, at least the smugglers will have prior knowledge of Pike's plan now that Kewper has escaped.

If they're at each other's throats, this should give me the time I need to get men and arms.

Yes, be off with you, sir.


Stable boy! Here, I say!

Perhaps they'll just fight it out between them.

No, no, when their blood is up nothing will stand before them.

Stable boy, get me my horse, quickly. Quickly, I say! Pray God I'll be back soon enough.

Well, we can leave this place anytime we like.

We can't get down to the cave until next low tide.

Oh, my child, explain yourself.

Well, Doctor, in the crypt at the old church there's this secret passage.

Oh yes, you mean that place where the revenue man came out of?

Yeah, but you don't know where it leads to - smack down to where the TARDIS is! So all we've got to do is get back to the old church, go down the passage, and we're away, mates.

Oh, thank goodness for that.


What's the trouble, Doctor?

Well, I'm afraid, my boy, we can't leave at the moment.

What? But why not?

Yes, well I know it's really difficult for both you to understand, but I'm under moral obligation.

Well, about what? We've got no ties here.

Well, it's this village. I feel that I might be responsible for it's destruction. And therefore I must at least try and avoid this danger until Blake comes back.

Yeah, but you heard what Blake said. We wouldn't stand a chance against Pike's mob. They're a right bunch of yobbos.

We wouldn't stand a chance.

Ah, wouldn't we, my dear? Hmm, hmm, hmm.

Well, what does that mean?

Well, you seem to forget, young man, that I've already met Pike, and I know something that he doesn't - the clue to the treasure. Hmm, hmm, hmm.

So, the poor old churchwarden did tell you something.

Oh, what are you up to now?

Well, I think if we are able to find that treasure first, we might be able to bargain.

Well, I don't fancy... I can't see him standing around chatting.

Yes, and it's going to give us enough time for Blake to come back here, and the same time to save the people in this village. Hmm, hmm.

It would be awful to do otherwise.

Oh, a right couple of nut cases you two are. Oh, well alright, I'll try anything once.

Well said, my boy. Now let's get down to the church and hope that our luck still holds out. Come on, come on.

Hey Tom. Thanks again, mate.

Bye, Tom.

They've gone, haven't they, Tom. Be a good lad and tell me where, eh?

I tell you it is Pike.

I've been tricked, and by him.

At least you've lived to tell the tale.

To think that I've delivered our plans into his evil hands. What are we to do?

We must play them at their own game, only more skillful, as with a fox.

I... I do not relish crossing swords with Pike's hook.

If we but stick to clear thought we will not sink. And even better, we may profit.

How profit?

His real reason in coming here was but to spy out the land. His greater interest lies in treasure.


Avery's gold, or part of it.

Here? In these parts?

Longfoot, the Churchwarden, was at one time one of this notorious band. They tracked him to his lair, knowing him to have the gold or secret access to it. They now firmly believe that it is hidden below the church.

Avery's gold?

A dream to conjure with.

Indeed, and hidden within our grasp, eh? But don't men say this gold is tainted?

Any villainy would be worthwhile for this end. So we must act.

But how? And without bloodshed?

Well, by guile, I say. They will come soon, so we must come the sooner.

Aye, forestall the villains and leave them nothing, eh?

Aye, but later this night they will be upon us without a doubt. Now, a trap must be laid.

Aye, we have the time.

Once we have the treasure, we are made men. But they are to be crushed, or we are dead men.

But I have told him of the shore and the tomb wherein our store is hid.

Then we know the path that they must follow this night. So twenty hidden muskets and they are done for.

Aye, and here's a triumph for law and order.

Ah, indeed. But first to the church and Avery's gold.

Aye, away. Come man. Birch, I say!

Have we no clue, no knowledge of any burial place?

No one I know save the strange doctor knows Longfoot's secret.

Hmm, then we must search even harder.

We ride alone?

To be sure, to be sure.

No, we will admit no other soul into this but ourselves. Avery's gold snatched clean from 'em.

I would see their faces at the empty chests. But sooner I would see them dead.

Now come on, hyup, _, hyup.

Well, here we are. Now where do we start looking?

What did the Churchwarden tell you, Doctor.

Oh, for heavens' sake boy, some kind of code and I'm trying to work it out. Hmm, hmm.

I'm sorry.

Let him get on with it. He'll tell us when he's got it.

Weird lot of tombstones, aren't they?

They're rather super, aren't they. Hey, let's try and find the oldest.

Yeah, OK. Hey Duchess, have a butchers at this one. Fifteen Ninety-two!

That's not old, soppy. Don't forget we're not in the twentieth century. This is sixteen hundred and something.

Oh yeah, I forgot. Hey this one's a laugh. 'Henry Hawksworth, he did die, of drinking too much small beer when he was dry. '

Some of these old names are fantastic. Hey, listen to this: 'Lucinda Maltree'

What did you say, dear?

Lucinda Maltree.

Eh, no, no, before. Eh, eh, these names. Eh, yes, yes, that's it!

What is?

Yes, of course. Dead man's secret.


Yes, yes, of course. That's the answer to the puzzle. Heh, yes. All these dead people. Hmm.

What, here in the graveyard?

No. No, not here.

Hey, in the crypt!

Yes, my dear. Exactly! Good heavens, what an impossi... eh, well, you are inspired. Come on, quickly.

What the heck are we looking for, Doctor?

What was the secret the Churchwarden told you, Doctor?

Ah, it was... ah, it was some kind of rhyme. Now let me see. Eh, eh, 'Dead man's secret key. Ringwood, Smallbeer and Gurney. ' Hmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm.

'Dead man's secret. ' Well, that means names on tombstones. But how does that help?

Well, we must find these names, mustn't we. Yes, that'll be the first step. Hmm, hmm.

Well look, don't you want to see the secret passage?

Oh yes of course, dear boy, well, where is it? Where is it? Hmm?

Up here.

Ah. Hmm.

Yes. Oh, that's very clever. Yes. Very clever indeed, yes. Heh, heh. Now just shut it up again, will you. Then we can get on. Hmm, hmm.

OK, you're the governor.

Ringwood! I found Ringwood.

Oh, good my dear. Well, continue with the search. And then the sooner we'll have better... you know, the sooner we find the secret.

Hey, Polly. Gurney! That's two of 'em.

Only one more to go.

Come on, Smallbeer. Let's have ya.

Ah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Yes!

Below the church, aye, in the crypt.

Open? But this is strange indeed.

Are we forestalled?

We will see. But we best proceed with caution.

Aye, they'd be few in number, I'd say.

Aye, no guards, no horses.

Pike would be more watchful.

And Blake would be better equipped.

Could it be this pestiferous Doctor?

If it is, then providence is on our side.


For he holds the secret of the treasure, of that I'm sure.

Then let us find him out.

We will.

Well now, we've found our three names. Hmm, hmm.

Well I'm blowed If I can see how it helps.

Nor me.

Yes, of course, yes. It would help if we found four names.

What, another dead man's name?

Yes, exactly. Yes, exactly.

What are you talking about yet, Doctor? Tell us.

Well, my dear, I...

Aye, Doctor, tell 'em.

And what are you doing here, sir?

The same as you, my friend. Seeking Avery's treasure.

Aye, he may not have murdered the Churchwarden, but this does indeed show you're more than innocent travelers.

And what name might yours be?

Edwards, sir, Squire Edwards, local magistrate.

Oh, let's not waste time on formal greetings. The secret, old man.

For what purpose?

To forestall Pike, and...

And line your own pockets. Yeah, fine magistrate you are.

Hold your tongue, cur. Riches are for them that takes 'em.

I hope you don't expect me to help you.

You'll talk, Doctor, or these young sprigs will die for it.

Here, now. Be careful sir.

Nay, nay, Kewper, surely not.

Oh, be not lilly-livered now. This gold is not for weaklings.

I will not kill in cold blood.

He knows the secret. He must be made to talk.

Not by this unholy threat. Let them be bound and we'll make our search ourselves.

What, and waste precious time? This is madness. The threat alone and he will talk.

Not even that will I stomach, sir. Better behave like gentlemen.

Gentlemen? Was this gold got by gentlemen? Is it now to be got by kindness?

I will have my way, sir!

Don't truss up thy temper, I say.

Rogue, I could have thee hanged if I wo...

Threaten you me with the rope? Then you shall stand with me on the gallows.

You grow overbold.

The rope will make more mark on your fine skin!