Doctor Who (1963–1989): Season 21, Episode 23 - The Twin Dilemma: Part Three - full transcript

The Doctor arrives on Jaconda, once lush and green, to find it completely devastated by giant gastropods. Old legends about the planet's half-human/half-slugs weren't just myths after all. With or without help from the Doctor and his unpredictable mood swings, Lt. Lang is up for rescuing the twins, who are finally informed of the grand purpose they've been brought to Jaconda to accomplish.


It worked.

It actually worked.

Oh, no, it's stopped.



Who are you?

Doctor, where are you?


Oh, no.

(CRYING) Oh, no. Oh no, Doctor!

(STUTTERING) Did you see that?

I think so.

Doc...Doctor, are you here?

What in heaven's name is going on?

-You're flesh and blood at least.
-Leave me alone.

That stupid girl's watch.

How I hate these
hit or miss performances.

Oh, Doctor, thank heavens.
Whatever happened?

Your watch stopped. I over-compensated,
ended up in the wrong time zone.

10 seconds into your future.

I thought you'd been killed.

-You cared?
-Of course I did.

You know, I'll never understand
the people of Earth.

I have spent the day using, abusing,
even trying to kill you.

If you'd behaved as I have,
I should've been pleased at your demise.

It's called compassion, Doctor.

It's the difference
that remains between us.


Would someone like to tell me
what is going on?

Corporal Lang, how are you?

Lieutenant. I was fine,
I'm not sure any more. My ship...

You were lucky to escape.
No one else did.

I'm...I'm sorry. What went wrong?

I don't know. The controls seized.
After that I don't remember anything

till I came to in here.
What is this place? Who are you?

I'm Peri and this is the Doctor.
He saved your life.

And we did not abduct the twins.

The twins. What do you know about them?

Never mind about that now.
Look, do put that thing away, will you?

If you ever hope to see them again,
your only chance is to come with us.

Well, all right, you don't leave me
very much choice, do you?

Not really.

-He was your friend.
-That girl did you no harm.

You've left them there to die.

They will survive.
Now if you don't mind...

-And your name isn't Edgeworth.
-It's Azmael.

Yes, yes, I agree. A small deception.
Now be patient and sensible.

-What is it?

That blip on the scanner.

Yes. Very far ahead.

They're on the same course.

Oh, some merchant van.
No concern of ours.

They will not survive.

I don't understand.

The safehouse,
I set it to self-destruct.

You madman. I gave no orders!

That is perfectly correct.

But it's murder. Why, Noma, why?

It is what the Lord Mestor
would've wished.

-But why would he want to kill us?
-I don't know.

And if he's going to Jaconda,
why stop off at Titan 3?

Oh, that was just to put us off
the scent.

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

Look, consider what we know.

Azmael, or whatever he happens to call
himself, needs the genius of the twins.

He crosses galaxies to possess
their minds.

He says he's no longer master
of his planet,

but he wants to save his people.
And that I cannot help him to do so.

(SCOFFING) Well, if he really does
believe such unimaginable rubbish,

he must be faced by some
unimaginable disaster,

which has unhinged his mind.

Well, we shall soon discover what it is.


Who is this creature?

A porter from the royal hatcheries,

What is his crime?

After a routine search
following his tour of duty,

he was found to have this
concealed on his person.

MESTOR: What does it contain?

Vegetables from the royal
hatcheries, Master.

The penalty is death.
Have you anything to say?

Mercy, great Master, mercy!
My family are starving.

Here, many are starving.
It is no different.

Now your family will have to starve
without your company.

Stand aside, guards.

You will suffer the maximum penalty,
death by embolism.

(CRYING) No, no, not that.
Please, shoot me!



Cold storage.

The carcass may be of use to our slaves
if this famine continues.

-Azmael will soon be here.
-Yes, Master.

When he arrives, have him escorted
to his laboratory with the Earthlings.

I will see him there.



Jaconda the beautiful.

You call this beautiful?
Doctor, it's absolutely ghastly.

Oh, no, let it not be true.

The giant gastropods.

What are you talking about?

Half-humanoid, half-slug.
Part of Jaconda mythology.


Oh, just look around you.
Look at the devastation.

What, gastropods did this?

What else?

Are you sure your mind
isn't wandering again?

Of course not.

So, it wasn't a myth after all.

Somewhere, somehow, their seed survived.
And now they have returned.

-You think so?

Well, of course it is.

I wish I could agree with you.
This was once a forest grove.

Look at the trees!

Not a trace of foliage.
The very bark stripped from the trunks.

And the soil, barren.

Nothing but these tell-tale tracks.

The slime trails
of the giant gastropods.

I fear the evidence is quite conclusive.

Doctor, you're beginning to scare me.

I'm beginning to scare myself, Peri.

Now what?

Into the TARDIS. I must think.

Freighter to Jaconda control.


Freighter to Jaconda control!

MALE VOICE: Receiving you, Freighter.

Approaching re-entry. Permission
to touch down at Omega intersection.

You are clear to approach.

Thank you, control.

-On arrival, report to palace.

Transport will be waiting. Out.


-What are you going to do?
-Panic at any moment.

Where is Edgeworth likely to have
taken the twins?

-The palace.
-LANG: Well, shouldn't we go there?

And be killed?

Just give me directions
and I'll go alone if you're afraid.

-Me? Afraid?
-Well, aren't you?

You have a nasty habit of pinpointing
the truth, young man.

-Well, we can't let him go alone.
-Watch me.

Well, you know what's out there.
He doesn't.

Well, then let him go to the palace.
And he'll know as much as I do.

Oh, Doctor, you must help.

Oh, is this another attempt
to teach me compassion?

Just tell me where it is
and I'll be happy to go alone.

Oh, it's all right for you.
You're young, strong, fit of limb.

You're confident in your mission,
your energy's boundless,

you're highly motivated to success.

You even have a gun to enforce your will
upon others. But look at me.

I'm old! Lacking in vigour.
My mind's in a turmoil.

I no longer know if I'm coming,
have gone or even been.

I'm falling to pieces!

I no longer even have any clothes sense.

-Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself.
-Self-pity is all I have left.

You've got the TARDIS,
you still know how to operate it.

Take the lieutenant to the palace!

Now, if you please.

(SIGHING) As you wish.


That's the seediest looking stately home
I've ever seen.

Well, you didn't expect me to
materialise in the throne room?

-Where are the twins likely to be?

Well, I won't find them
waiting around here.

-I'll come with you.
-No need.

-Thank you for bringing me here.
-You didn't give me much choice.

-Now, look, Sergeant.


Don't be smug with me.

Now I've already explained my condition.

I may be behaving
like a manic barometer,

but don't shrug off help
when it's offered. You can't afford to.

I thank you for your offer, Doctor,
but, frankly, I find you unreliable.

So is most currency. Doesn't stop people
spending money wisely.

The Doctor might be useful.

Well, all right.

But if you become unstable again,
Doctor, I won't hesitate to kill you.

-Where are you taking us?
-You'll see.

Why do you like to play
the man of mystery?

-It's a role you play very badly.
-You're so blatantly transparent.

Continue to provoke me and the matter
that contains your genius

will finish up as so much animal fodder!

Hideous. Utterly hideous.


Are you sure this is the right place?

Hmm? Oh, absolutely.
Azmael showed me once.

This passage leads to the centre
of the palace.

Used to be an underground bolthole
in times of danger.

Ah, seems to be clear. Shall we go?

Well, I just hope you don't get us lost.

DOCTOR: Oh, there's every possibility
of that.

This is where I work.
The palace laboratory.


What's in there?

Eggs. You're looking
at Lord Mestor's incubator.

-The future citizens of Jaconda.
-They're gastropod eggs.

-Oh, such knowledge.
-And who is this?

One of Lord Mestor's lackeys.

Not quite, Azmael. I am a humble servant
of the Lord Mestor.

I'm his chamberlain.

Well, welcome to the planet Jaconda.

I will inform the Lord Mestor
of your safe arrival.

If you must do so.

It's my duty. He's commanded me.

Well, hurry then.

And you too, Noma.

No, I must remain.
I too have been commanded.

One day you will discover for yourselves
that treason is universal.

Let it not concern you now.

And don't be afraid of what lies
in store for us.

DOCTOR: This way, come along.
Ah! There we are.

I don't know how old they are,
but they tell the whole story.

The queen of Jaconda
offended the Sun God.

This way.

He inflicted a terrible revenge.
Sent a creature,

half-humanoid, half-slug.

This creature's offspring
were numberless.

They ravaged the planet.
The population starved.

When he saw what he'd done,
the Sun God relented.

He sent a drought,
which destroyed the slugs.

The people of Jaconda survived. Well,
that's the story as Azmael related it.

And now, what do you think?

It was more truth than myth.
I think some dormant egg survived.

-For how long?
-Too long it seems.


Switch off the torch. Listen.

What is it?

The sound of giant slugs.


(GAGGING) What a stench!


Their gastric tracts.
Rotting vegetables.

Or rotting flesh.


-Whatever's in that?
-I'm...I'm stuck.

DOCTOR: Oh, no,
I should've thought of that.

Their slime trails harden like concrete,
only far faster.

Well, never mind that.
Just get me out, would you?

-Easier said than done.
-Oh, we can't leave him here.

Or maybe if I turn my gun down low,
I could melt the stuff.

Oh, as you like,
but try not to burn your feet off.

So these are your prodigies.

They seem quite insignificant.

-Well, their brains are not.
-We shall see.

Have you told them why we need them?

Not in detail. So far they've simply
worked to orders.

I suggest that you do tell them. If they
know that our purpose is benevolent,

they may prove to be less intransigent.

EDGEWORTH: Very well.

-How far advanced are you?
-We need another day.

Very well. I will leave you.

-What is it?

-Do not monitor my thoughts.
-Why not?

It interferes with my concentration.

There may be treasonable thoughts.

There can be no treason without fellow
conspirators and I have none.

You control the minds of all my most
faithful subjects.

-I do not trust you!
-A mistake, Mestor.

The last hope for my people
is the success of this undertaking.

I wouldn't allow my personal loathing
for you to interfere with that.

-Very well.
-Remove Noma, too.


Until your work is done.

They don't trust you either.
That's why they've left you here

to see the measure of your treachery.

But I'm not a traitor.

True, but I believe they think
you are my friend.

-I would value your friendship.
-It might cost you your life.

I can think of worse reasons for dying.

Thank you.

Now, pay attention.

(CLEARING THROAT) That is our sun.
That is Jaconda.

Those are two lesser planets.

Now I once ruled Jaconda,
but now Mestor has usurped me.

His kind takes all and gives nothing.
There's nothing left for my people.

What are we supposed to do?

Help me to provide
the only possible solution.

-You'd better tell us what it is.
-We need new sources of supply.

Now we're going to bring those
two planets into orbit around Jaconda.

-BOTH: What?
-EDGEWORTH: Oh, yes.

And then they will have the same
atmospheres and climates.

They will be the larders of Jaconda.
Everything is in readiness.

All we lack is what you two possess.

That mathematical delicacy
that will stabilise those two planets

in their new orbit.

Now, let me see.
We follow this passage to the end.

Flight of steps up to the palace hall.
Doorway at the left just before the top.

Yes, that's it. Private doorway
to the back of his laboratory.

-That's where he's bound to be.

-Who'll be there?

Me! Once I can get away from this fool.
Will you hurry up?

-I'm doing the best I can.
-Well, it's not good enough.

Oh, look what you've done, you
stupid girl, you've ruined everything!

It wasn't my fault.

Of course it was your fault!
Sheer carelessness.

Switching off the torch when you did.
Don't argue with me.

I will! I'm not letting a
manic-depressive, paranoid personality

-like you shut me up!
-Manic depressive? Me?

Well, can't you hear yourself?
You're having another of your fits.

-Right, that's it! I'm off.
-Calm down, Doctor.

Calm down? Calm... Calm down?

The fate of a whole planet hanging in a
balance and he tells me to calm down?

Look, I'll be free in a moment.

-Oh, fend for yourselves.
-Oh, Doctor!

Don't waste your breath, we'll manage.

Everything is controlled
from this panel.

When the information you provide
has been fed into the computer,

we shall operate this switch.

What happens if we refuse to help?

Then I shall have to kill you.

I've already told you that is the
only way we can save my people.

Aren't you forgetting the consequence
of what you're asking?

Look, everything has been considered.
How many times must I tell you?

-He's mad.
-Quite mad.

Azmael, Edgeworth...

-TWINS: We won't do it.
-EDGEWORTH: You'll do as I tell you.

Still bullying children, eh?

-Villain! Murderer!

A thousand neurons on your head!

-Get away.
-Out of the way.

Now, that's enough, Doctor.



I apologise. However I still would like
to know why you tried to murder us?

-He didn't.
-He didn't know.

It was Noma.

Look, I can't believe it.
How did you escape?

Oh, that doesn't matter now.

I think you'd better tell me
what's going on here.


-(LAUGHING) Pity about your boots.
-Never mind. Where to now?

-Find the Doctor.
-All right.


(PERI SCREAMING) No! Let go! No, no!
No, no, no.

Who are these aliens on Titan 3?

A Time Lord and an Earth girl.

-And Azmael would have let them live?

-But now he knows them to be dead?
-He does. I told him so.

-MESTOR: You have done well, Noma.
-No more than is my duty.


MESTOR: What have we here?

Impossible! She must've died.

Is this the Earth girl
you say you killed?

It seems you have not done so well
after all.

-Where did you find her?
-In a passage underneath the palace.

-There was another with her.

We left him half dead.

This is a dangerous complication.
Fetch him to me. At once!

At once!

That is the plan.
Now what is your opinion?

You really intend to put it
into operation?

You know what will happen, don't you?

-We've already told him.
-But risks must be taken.

This is not a risk, Azmael.
This is Doomsday.

One tiny error in your calculation,

you'll blow a small hole
in the universe!

Doctor! Doctor, they've got Peri.

-Peri? They'll kill her!
-EDGEWORTH: Stop him!

No, leave me, I must go to her.

And tell Mestor everything,
condemn my planet to certain death?

-But I must help her!
-No, Doctor, if necessary she must die.

No! Peri!