Doctor Who (1963–1989): Season 21, Episode 21 - The Twin Dilemma: Part One - full transcript

The Doctor's moods are wide and in a jumble as he settles into his new regeneration. Elsewhere a set of genius twins are kidnapped, whose mathematical computations can manipulate features of the universe. They're immediately put to work by aliens for an as yet unknown end.

-Where's Mother?
-She's busy.

-Does that mean she isn't talking to us?
-No, she's just busy.

-We would like to see her.
-We would like to see her.

She isn't here.

-She's gone out without saying goodbye?
-Well, yes.

-I suppose you're going out as well.
-In a few minutes.

Abandoned again!

You we forgive, Father, but not Mother.

Look, Romulus, I wish
you would be kinder to your mother.

You too, Remus.


She is your mother.

Because Mother happened to
give birth to us

does that automatically grant her
a place in our affections?

Yes. Yes, of course.

Respect must be earned, Father.
Mother is a fool, you know that.

Do you now wish us to respect fools?
You've always said the contrary.

Your mother is who she is,
whether you think her a fool or not.

It's no excuse for poor manners
and lack of concern.

As you wish, Father.

I gather there's something
you wanted to talk to me about?

-Not talk to you.
-Tell you.

-We're going to play Equations.
-Oh, no!

You know, I sometimes think
you're actually scared of us.

I worry, Romulus.
I honestly believe that neither of you

has the faintest idea
of your real powers.

Your mathematical skill could
change events on a massive scale.

Don't you realise that?

-Oh, don't be so melodramatic, Father.
-Sometimes you sound just like Mother.

So why don't you stop worrying?
Buzz off and enjoy your evening out.

-We'll still be here when you get back.
-And so will the universe.

-Well, Peri, what do you think? Hmm?
-It's terrible.

Oh, never mind about the clothes,
they're easily changed.

-What about me?
-I meant you.

Sorry, I'm afraid I don't understand.

Or neither do I.
I mean, people don't change like that.

I mean, physically, just in a flash.

I'm not "people", Peri,
I happen to be me.

-But why?
-Natural metamorphosis.

Form of rebirth.
Now I call it a renewal.

And this time, positive triumph.

I can sense it
in every fibre of my being.

Have you the faintest idea
what you look like?

My outward appearance
is of no importance whatsoever.

Well, it is to me.
I have to live with it.

Here, look at yourself.

Oh, very well, if you insist.

What do you see?

Ah! A noble brow.

Clear gaze.

At least it will be,
given a few hours' sleep.

A firm mouth.

A face beaming with a vast intelligence.

My dear child, what on earth
are you complaining about?

It's the most extraordinary improvement.

-On what?
-My last incarnation.

-I was never happy with that one.
-Why ever not?

Oh, it had a sort of feckless charm,
which simply wasn't me.

Oh, what absolute rubbish!

You were almost young.
I really liked you.

-And you were sweet and...

Effete. Sweet? Sweet?

Sweet? Huh! That says it all.

Oh, well, this has been a timely change.


What change?

There is no change.

No rhyme. No time!

No place for space. Nothing!

Nothing but the grinding engines
of the universe.

A crushing boredom of eternity!


Are you sure you're all right?

Well, my dear child, stop worrying.
Try to understand.

Regeneration in my case
is a swift but volcanic experience.

A kind of violent, biological eruption

in which the body cells are displaced,
changed, renewed and rearranged.

There are bound to be side-effects.

It won't happen again?

Hmm? Oh! May indeed.

But each time with diminishing effect.

You have nothing to fear.

Well, next time I'm not gonna look.

Well, if you find it so upsetting that
would be the most sensible thing to do.


-What a super trick!

Oh, I wouldn't impose upon you
for a moment.

It's no more than a simple illusion.

-Oh, we know that.
-We've seen it before in the theatre.

-You did it jolly well.
-Thank you.

Your own talents are vastly superior.

Amazing. Quite amazing.

A symphony in higher mathematics.

It just so happened
we've had a good evening.

Who are you, by the way?

Professor Edgeworth.

-Never heard of you.
-No reason why you should.

What do you want?

I came to pay my respects
to your father, the Professor.

A man of great distinction.

A bit late for social calls.

Yes, I must apologise.

I've come a long way.

-How did you get in here?
-How did you get in here?

How does one enter a dwelling?

Nobody's allowed in
when our parents are away.

Oh, come now, do you think

I look as though I'm going
to do you harm?

Beside the point.
You oughtn't to be here.

Oh, then I shall leave.

When do you expect your parents back?

-We don't know.
-We don't know.

Tell your father I'll call him.

-All right.
-All right.

Goodbye, Remus.
It's been a privilege and pleasure.

Goodbye, Romulus.
Our paths are bound to cross again.

Show me your hands.

Now what are your names?

-I am Romulus.
-I am Remus.

What is this place?

-We do not know.
-We do not know.

Good. Excellent. Come.

Hold on to my sleeve.


-You're not serious.
-I'm always serious.

-You can't go out dressed like that.
-Why ever not?

You'll look dreadful.

My dear, that is what people said
about Beau Brummell.

Remember him?

Well, he had taste. A feeling for style.

And I don't?

Not if what you're wearing
is an example. It's...

Ugh! Yuck!

Right, his time is up.
I shall contact Mestor.

Too late. He's got them.
He's coming now.

-Lock them in the bunker.
-At once.

-Yes, Edgeworth.

I have them onboard.

-Are they docile?
-For the moment, yes.

I gave them a selective amnesia.

When will they be missed?

Very soon.

You have no time to lose.
There will be hue and cry.

I want no trail to Jaconda.

Take them to the safehouse on Titan 3.

At once.

You will remain at the safehouse
until further notice.

As you command, Mestor.



-Where are we going?
-Vesta 95.

-And where's that?
-You'll soon find out.

It's a marvellous place for holiday
and you and I both need a rest.

I would have taken you
to the Eye of Orion, but...

The coordinates elude me at the moment.



How did you come by a name like that?

It's the diminutive of my proper name,

Indeed. Ha!

"One morn,
a peri at the gate of Eden stood


Who wrote that?

-I haven't the faintest idea.
-Of course you don't.

You don't even know
what a peri is, do you, Peri?


I'll tell you.

A peri is a good and beautiful fairy
in Persian mythology.

The interesting thing is,
before it became good, it was evil.

And that's what you are.

Thoroughly evil.

-Doctor, stop it!

No, not even a fairy, an alien spy!

Sent here to spy on me.

Well, we all know
the fate of alien spies!

Special incident room.

Professor Sylvest,
security clearance 941 oblique 29.

-They've gone!

My children have been kidnapped.

-When did this happen?
-Whilst I was out. Two hours maximum.

I see. What are the indications?

I found zanium on the floor.
It looks serious.

Please leave this to us.
I'll get the Commander to call you back.

-Are you listening to me?
Yes, I'm listening, Professor.

-I'm very, very anxious.
-Yes, naturally you're anxious.

Please leave this to us.
I'll get the Commander to call you back.


-Sorry to disturb you, Commander.
-What is it?

The Sylvest twins are missing.

The professor found a dust-like deposit
on the floor of their room.

-He says it's zanium.
-Zanium? You know what that means?

An extraterrestrial kidnap?

If those twins have fallen
into alien hands...

This is something I've always feared.

-What's the time factor?
-He says two hours maximum.

Right. They're still within range.

I'm ordering first priority.
Full-scale search.

I want all pursuit crews launched.

-Briefing will take place in-flight.

-And I want you as flight leader.
-Yes, Commander.

I want a thorough scan.

All unidentifiable space vehicles
must be investigated.


-What happened?
-You had another of your fits.

-I don't have fits!
-Well, whatever you call them.

I told you.
Manic moments of no consequence.

They become less dramatic
and less and less frequent.

Well, this was worse. Longer.
It was horrible.

Don't exaggerate.


You don't remember what you did, do you?

-I must admit, I am a little hazy.
-You tried to kill me.

-Oh, don't be absurd!
-I'm not!

What you say is impossible.

I have an in-built resistance
to any form of violence.

-Except in self-defence.
-You don't!

I don't?

Upon my word, you really
are frightened, aren't you?

Frightened half to death.

And that's only because
I'm not dead already.

Something's wrong.

Something's very wrong.

Oh, no! Has it come to that?

Regenerate yet...


Oh, alas, poor Peri,

it's not for us
the pleasures of Vesta 95.

-What are you saying?
-I am a living peril to the universe.

If this poor hive is to be cleansed,
there's only one recourse.


Self-abnegation in some
hellish wilderness.

Ten days, ten years...

A thousand years!
Of what consequence is time to me?

I shall become a hermit.

And you, child, shall be my disciple.

And at the very place,
an asteroid so desolate,

Titan 3 is where I shall repent!

What are you doing?

We don't know where we're from
or where we're going.

But one thing's for sure. This is
a spacecraft and we're prisoners.

Then we must try to escape.

I might be able to put out
some sort of distress signal.

-But who's gonna hear it?
-How should I know?

Keep an ear to the door.

I think someone's coming.

That was a bit close, that one.

-Did you do it?
-I only hope it works.


It's Lang, Commander.

I'm in visual contact with
a Spacehopper Mark 3 freighter,

registration number XV773.

But I'm unable to make voice contact.

Elena, check it out, will you?

The ship is also transmitting
an irregular signal.

My flight computer
is unable to analyse it.

XV773 was reported missing,
believed destroyed, eight months ago.

-Did you get that?
-Yes, Commander.

Proceed with care, but find out
what that freighter's up to.

This is fighter leader to XV773.

This is fighter leader to
freighter XV773. Are you receiving me?

Lang here.
The freighter's gone into warp drive.

-Then follow it.
-No, you don't understand, Commander.

The XVclass of freighter
was never built for warp drive.

It must have been modified.

-Do you want backup?
-No, not yet. I'd like to know...


Lang, are you receiving me?

Elena, find out what's happened.

He's right, Commander,
it wasn't built for warp drive.

Titan 3.

Thou craggy knob, which swims upon
the oceans of the firmament.

Receive this weary penitent.

I think I'm gonna be sick.


I'm sorry.

Why should you be sorry?

I don't know.
I don't know anything any longer.

-Oh, Doctor, please...

I know what you said,
but you weren't serious, were you?

-I mean about being a hermit?
-Never more so.

I've no need to remind you.
Now, a hermit needs a hermitage.

You and I, Peri, must find one.

Why bother?
Isn't this place good enough?

Far too good.
Quite useless for contemplation. No.

What we need is a cave.
Some utterly comfortless place,

where you and I can suffer together.

Why should I be made to suffer?

Because you have been chosen.

It shall be your humble privilege
to minister unto my needs.

They will be very simple.

But nothing must be allowed to interfere
with my period of contemplation.

You said something
about a thousand years...

I was speaking figuratively.
It shouldn't come to that.

Well, come along, we're wasting time.

-We can't go out there!
-We must!

-I must atone for what I have done.
-But we'll die!

Well, the instruments say otherwise.

The atmosphere, what there is of it,
is breathable.

What was that?

I think we should find out.

Sit them down over there.

Edgeworth. Edgeworth.


You were careless, Edgeworth.

-I make no excuse.
-You say that too easily.

I've saved you once.

Five ships destroyed.
But there may be others.

You have betrayed
your cousins on Titan 3.

And I'd better start back now.

No, I wish to see
how the Earth fleet reacts.

Of course.

Are the Sylvest twins safe?

They are. They're resting.
The poor things are exhausted.

Then give them artificial restoration.

Well, that could be dangerous.


Take care not to blow
their hearts or minds.

Once they have served me
I shall have no further use for them.

Mestor, your great purpose demands
the originality of human genius.

I have procured that genius.
Do not discard it lightly.

And do not presume
upon my patience, Edgeworth.

You are my creature. Nothing more.

Now, do as I command you.

Very well.

Once you have revived them

put the proposition and
let them proceed with the first concept.

Whatever time remains to you on Titan 3,
do not waste it.

Drive them to the limit.

As you say.

-And one more thing.

Make certain there are no survivors
from those ships.

-But, Doctor, it's dangerous!
-Of course it's dangerous.

We could be blown to pieces
at any minute.

But no one could have
lived through this.

Then stay behind.

This is work for heroes,
not for faint-hearted girls.

So, no one could've
lived through it, eh?

Well, here's one who did.

You would have left one
of your own kind to die.

Of course, Minister. Yes, I understand.

At once.

-Call off the rescue party.

Until we know more about
how our fighters were destroyed,

-no more lives are to be put at risk.
-But you can't just abandon...

That is a direct order
from the Minister.

And may my bones rot for obeying it.

My ship...

The squadron...

The children...

-Will he live?

Small thanks to you.

Poor, pusillanimous Peri.
What a pitiful performance.

How can you be so...pathetic?


Well, talk about me
giving a performance!

You never stopped giving them.

When you're not really mad
and trying to kill me, that is.

-Look at you now.
-What do you mean?

I never saw anyone who
loved himself so much with less reason.

You've forgotten all about him.

By the time you've stopped
congratulating yourself,

he'll probably be dead.


You destroyed my entire command.

Now I'm going to kill you.