Doctor Who (1963–1989): Season 14, Episode 25 - The Talons of Weng-Chiang: Part Five - full transcript

Weng-Chiang has stolen Professor Litefoot's cabinet but is not pleased when his men leave the key behind and later cannot find it. Leela and the Doctor go off to find the missing key while Jago and the professor follow Weng-Chiang's men and find themselves in the den of the scorpion.





Litefoot's got visitors.


What happened?

- Chinese! Dozens of them!
- What?

Oh, the devils!

Well, they got what they came for.

- What?
- The time cabinet.

- Damn scoundrels!
- Get him a drink.

In a glass.

- Professor, how did they get in?
- I've no idea.

I locked and bolted all the doors
as soon as you left! Thank you.

- Were they all Chinese?
- Tongwallahs - criminals!

The gutter scrapings of Shanghai!

- And one midget.
- Yes! How on earth did you deduce

- that one was a midget?
- Elementary, my dear Litefoot.

He came in the laundry basket
and let the others in.

The same creature that attacked me!

- The Peking Homunculus!
- Who?

The time of manufacture,
its disappearance, it all fits!

What is the Peking...Homunculus?

It was made for the commissioner
of the Icelandic Alliance

in the Ice Age in the year 5,000.

- Preposterous!
- Sh! Go on, Doctor.

It was a toy -
a plaything for the Commissioner's children.

It contained a series of magnetic fields

operating on a printed circuit
and a small computer.

It had one organic component -
the cerebral cortex of a pig.

Anyway, something went wrong -
it almost caused World War Six.

- What?!
- Somehow, the pig part took over,

so Weng-Chiang has brought
the Peking Homunculus back through time.

He could have done.
It disappeared and was never found.

I may have had a bang on the head,
but this is a dash queer story!

- Time travel?
- Unsuccessful time travel.

The discovery of the double nexus particle

sent human science
up a technological cul-de-sac!

- Are you following this?
- Not a word!

This pig thing is still alive.

It needs an operator,
but the mental feedback is so intense

that the swinish instinct has become dominant.

It hates humanity and it revels in carnage!

Liberation, Mr Sin! Freedom!

I can become whole again! Whole and alive!

Oh, I have dreamt of this moment -

to be free of this putrefying carcass,

to fashion myself anew
in some distant time and place!

And I can do it now, now at last
that I have the time cabinet!

I promise you, Mr Sin,

we shall not remain long among
these filthy barbarians! Where is the bag?

Answer me, you fools! Where is the bag?

It was... We did not...

- The bag, you cowering oaf!
- It was left behind, great lord.


(SCREAMS) What?!

Lee! Lee!

I told you to take it
out to the carriage! I ordered you!

You know the penalty for failing me!

Take the sting of the scorpion!


(DOCTOR) Rundall Buildings.

- Your laundry. Do you know it?
- I've heard of it.

It's the centre of one of the most
noxious rookeries in the East End.

Where is this disreputable quarter?

Between Whitechapel and St George's.
Appalling vice and squalor -

- overdue for clearance!
- It might be cleared very quickly.

Weng-Chiang doesn't understand zigma energy.

- Zigma energy?
- Yes.

The power source of a time cabinet
is a zigma beam.

At the moment, it's like elastic, fully stretched.

- If Weng-Chiang tampers with it...
- Do you think he's at this laundry?

There's only one way to find out.
Litefoot, stay here.

Doctor, you can't take
a young woman into that foulness!

She'll witness the vilest scenes
of depravity and degradation!

Nothing as vile
as Weng-Chiang himself, Professor.

Think large, Henry Jago, think large.

Shilling a head?
I must be crazy! A guinea a head!

Conducted tours round the lair of the phantom!

I'll lead them myself and modestly mention
the part I played in the affair.

The ladies will swoon in my arms!

Ooh, it's a winner! It's a beauty. I'll go bail!

I'll clear out this old junk,
call in the electric lighting company.

What in the name of heavens is...?

(DOCTOR WHISPERS) Not a sound!

Now, quiet!




Thank you!

Kindly tell your employer
that Mr Jago wishes to see him!

- What?
- Your employer, Professor Litefoot!

- May I ask, sir, who you are?
- Confound your insolence! Announce me!

Consider yourself announced! I'M Litefoot!

Why, dash me optics! I should have realised!

That brow, those hands,

England's peerless premier
professor of pathology!

Henry Gordon Jago, sir, at your service!

Mr Jago, just tell me what all this is about!

- The Doctor.
- What?

This bag!

Shall we go inside?

Found this in my cellar.
Thought the Doctor might be interested.

- It may concern those Chineses.
- The Chinese?

I considered going to Scotland Yard,
where he's held in the highest esteem.

- The Doctor is?
- Of course. He solves half their cases

while they take the credit, don't you agree?

- I have no idea.
- It stands to reason.

I mean, they're policemen!

We all know they're solid, sterling fellows,

but their buttons
are the brightest thing about them!

Now, the Doctor's a real detective.

Yes, he's certainly very active.
How did you learn of my connection with him?

I enquired at the local station
and they told me that you'd been seen together.

The most formidable combination
in the annals of criminology!

It's a great honour to be working
with you on this devilish affair!

Thank you! I'm sure the Doctor will be
very interested in these things.

Unfortunately, he isn't here at present.

The sleuth that never rests, eh?

Well, he did remark that sleep is for tortoises.

I can't for the life of me discern
what purposes these articles might serve.

It's a queer lot of paraphernalia.
I thought so meself.

And they were left by Weng-Chiang,
this murderous lunatic?

They're nothing to do with the theatre.
The bag was amongst our old junk.

In that case, Mr Jago, is it not possible
that someone plans to return for it?

Yes, yes - good point.
We must tell the Doctor.

Or take a hand ourselves.
Well, the Doctor isn't here.

If you and I keep a discreet watch
on the theatre,

we might get a chance to nab this fellow!

You're suggesting a pernoctation, Professor.

Unfortunately, the nocturnal vapours
are very bad for my chest.

You can wrap up!
I'll lend you some extra clothing!

- Very kind, I'm sure.
- Now, you write a note to the Doctor,

and I'll look you out a cape!

We might be lucky, Mr Jago,

and if we are, I've a few lumps to repay!

That smell!

- It's like decaying fruit!
- Papaver somniferum.

- What?
- Pipe of poppy.

It's opium. A narcotic drug.


We've found another warren.
Weng-Chiang will show his hand again.

Poor girls!


He'll try to build his body levels
before he has to use the zigma beam.

He'll kill again tonight...

..but where?

(CHANG) At the House of the Dragon, Doctor.

Good evening, Mr Chang.
We thought you'd gone to join your ancestors.

Not yet. Not quite.

- Your leg!
- A singular sight, I fear.

It is too late, Doctor,

and I feel no pain - the opium.

(LEELA) How did you get away?

When the rat took my leg, I regained
consciousness in a charnel house -

putrefying human remains.

Yes, rats don't keep a very hygienic larder.

I lay there, Doctor, and cursed
Weng-Chiang, my benefactor,

who had brought me to this fate.

Hatred of him gave me
the strength to drag myself away.

The rats had gone.

I came here to destroy the false god.

- The last act of the Great Chang.
- You should have done that before!

I believed in him.
For many years, I believed in him...

- It was a good act, Chang.
- ..until he shamed me. I lost face.

The whole theatre saw my failure.

Tell me about the House of the Dragon.

Next month, the Great Chang would have
performed before the Queen Empress

at Buckingham Palace!

I, the son of a peasant!

(DOCTOR) The House of the Dragon, where is it?

It is his fortress,
prepared over many months by the Tong.

- Beware the eye of the dragon, Doctor!
- Li H'sen, come on!

Soon I shall join my ancestors.

Already I can see them.

They walk to greet me from the Palace of Jade.

They are smiling,
and carry gifts of food and flowers.

Now I cross the golden bridge of the gods!

Li H'sen! Come on, man, the house!

B... B...

- What?
- B...

- Boot? Shoe? Spat?
- Earth?

He's left us a Chinese puzzle!

(WENG-CHIANG) Well, where is it?

Bag not there, lord. It's gone.

- Gone?!
- We look all places. Bag not there!

You incompetent lice!
You crawling, mindless dogs!

That bag contained the key to the time cabinet.

I must have it, do you understand,

if I have to tear this accursed city
apart stone by stone!


Were you followed?

- (HO ) Followed? What?
- Those two!

They must have been watching
the theatre! That means they have the bag!

Bring them to me!


This is their hideaway, no doubt about it.

It's unfortunate there were too many
for us to tackle, eh, Professor?

- I was itching for a scrap!
- The question is, what now?

We could adjourn for liquid refreshment.
I know a spot nearby.

One of us should stay
while the other fetches the Doctor.

- Good idea. I'll be as quick as I can!
- Too late, old man.

(JAGO ) Oh, corks!

Backs to the wall.

Keep off, you lot!
I'm a tiger when my dander's up!

(WENG-CHIANG) choose
to pry on the House of the Dragon?

Unwise! Very unwise! You will suffer for it!

You'll be the sufferer when the police get here!

(LAUGHING) The police (?)

Mr Sin, they take me for a simpleton!

They'll be here, don't you worry!

You told them where you were coming?

Of course. We're not
completely without sense!

Lies! You didn't know where this was!
You followed my men from the theatre!

- If that's what you believe...
- Why were you at the theatre?

Answer me!

- Why were we at the theatre?
- I refuse to answer!

- You can do with us as you wish!
- I say, steady on!

Very well, I will tell you why.

- You were waiting to see...
- You don't know your own strength!

- ..who came to collect the bag!
- You're choking me!

Where is the bag?
What have you done with it?

- Let him go!
- The bag! Tell me!

It's at my house.
Now, for pity's sake, release him!

You will die later - slowly!
It will give pleasure to my wolves.

You filthy bounder!

In the meantime,
put them with the other prisoners.

(DOCTOR) Litefoot! Litefoot!

''My dear Doctor, contained in this bag,
which I discovered in the cellar,

''is a collection of sundry items
of baffling meaning.

''The Professor and I are keeping
observation on the theatre.

''Your fellow detective H.G.J.''

Ah! Eureka! Do you know what that is?

You ask me so that you can tell me!

That's right. It's a trionic lattice,
an integral part of a time cabinet.

It can't be opened without it.

- It's a key?
- Yes. He's not only a scientific fool,

- he's an absent-minded one!
- Perhaps he has another ''Eureka''.

No, ''Eureka'' is Greek for ''this bath is too hot''.

There can never be another of this combination.

That means he's gone to the theatre!

- Come on!
- Hold it!

But, Doctor, Professor Litefoot
and Mr Jago are our friends!

We must help them! You know what will happen
if Weng-Chiang finds them!

I do. Look... Litefoot likes a good fire.

He's been out of the house a long time.

We can't go rushing all over London
looking for him.

It's better to wait for Weng-Chiang to come here.

- We know he has the cabinet.
- Yes, but he doesn't have the key.

Always stay one step ahead
of your enemies, my girl!

When he finds the key is missing

and Professor Litefoot and Mr Jago
are keeping watch,

he will make them tell him where it is?

- You're thinking - excellent!
- You thought of that all at once?

- Well, almost.
- Then I am sorry.

- What for?
- For thinking that you were afraid.

- That's all right.
- Where shall we lay our ambush?

- What?
- Ambush!

It's time we did battle
with this underground crab, Doctor!

(JAGO ) Are they dead?

Drugged, I think.

You know why they're here.

Poor creatures! They can't be a day over 16!

He must send his fiends
to kidnap them off the streets.

This is a nightmare! What can we do for them?

No more than we can do for ourselves.

- At least they'll die quickly.
- He must be the devil incarnate!

What unspeakable horror lies
behind that mask, do you suppose?

He's not exactly a dobbin masher with it!

Dammit, Jago, I don't see any way out of this.

- I think we're done for!
- You're forgetting the Doctor!

- How can he find this place?
- A fleck of mud, a speck of paint,

clues that speak volumes
to an investigator like him!

I'll wager he's on our tracks this very minute!

- Look at this!
- What of it?

- Don't you see? It's a dumb waiter!
- Frankly, I'm not very peckish.

How can you think of food?

I'm not thinking of food!

I'm thinking that if we take that shelf out
and squeeze ourselves in,

we can make a surreptitious exit
via the dining room!

By jiminy, you're right!

We'll teach those blighters a lesson yet!

They picked the wrong man
when they decided to cross swords with me!

After you, Mr Jago.

Those ropes don't look too sound, do they?

''He that is down need fear no fall!''

- Hmm?
- A quotation - Bunyan.

(JAGO ) Very comforting!

- Mind your elbow, Professor!
- Sorry!


- This isn't the dining room!
- This isn't the way out either.

We must trap them in the crossfire, Doctor,
in the open where they cannot find cover.

What sort of crossfire?
Hazelnuts? Bread pellets?

A house this size must have protection.

The professor will have weapons
in fixed positions to guard the approaches.

I brought you to the wrong time,
my girl. You'd have loved Agincourt!