Doctor Who (1963–1989): Season 14, Episode 24 - The Talons of Weng-Chiang: Part Four - full transcript
Having rescued Leela from the jaws of the giant vicious rat, she & the Doctor dress up and attend Chang's show at the palace, but end up as part of the act. At home, Litefoot tries to protect the time cabinet.
(DOCTOR WHO THEME)
(ECHOING ROAR)
Aagh! Aagh!
Leela?
Leela, are you all right?
Oh, thank you, Doctor!
- Yes, I'm all right. Just bruised.
- You were lucky.
I deserve death. I had the chance
to kill our enemy and I failed.
- Which enemy?
- The yellow one calls him ''lord''.
He lives in a cage beneath
the theatre. Come, I will show you.
(SCREECHING ROAR)
This gun takes about half an hour
to load. Let's go this way.
Casey, I'm about to repair
for half a foot of port.
- Mrs Samuelson in yet?
- I've not seen her.
Tell her I want the girls' frillies smartening up.
Last night, one of 'em had
a Jacob's ladder as long as my arm!
- You tell her!
- Yes, Mr Jago.
Oh! Mr Chang! Back again already?
I shall have to start charging you rent, what?
There is much to prepare
before the performance.
Of course, Mr Chang, yes.
The art that conceals, eh?
- Tell me, er... Last night...
- Last night?
I'm working too hard - too much
in the old brainbox, that's a fact.
We discussed a new contract,
but I've quite forgotten how we left matters.
I'm considering your new offer.
Ah, I see... Splendid.
Generous offer?
Very reasonable.
Tonight, incidentally,
I shall be appearing without Mr Sin.
Why is that? Just making a change?
Mr Sin is indisposed.
(LAUGHING) Oh, very droll!
I shall treasure that exceedingly
humorous jest, Mr Chang!
Oh, Mr Chang!
I suppose the little fellow's
got a touch of woodworm, what?
- Say that again!
- Hmm?
- Say that again!
- She was dead!
Her skin was dry like old leaves.
It was something the machine did to her.
Like old leaves? Sounds like
organic distillation - the life essence.
That's what he called it.
- He seemed to know all about it.
- He doesn't! He's a madman!
- Here we are! Your outfit, my dear.
- Oh, thank you, Professor!
No, no, not here! Mrs Hudson's upstairs.
She'll help you change.
Hope it's suitable!
- Dashed embarrassing business, eh?
- Hmm?
- Never done it before!
- What?
Chosen togs for a girl.
You have to be careful it's in the right fashion!
- Clothes matter to women!
- They do?
- Still trying to open it, are you?
- Yes. I'm trying to place the period.
It can only be opened by a key
of the correct molecular combination.
What were you saying about a madman?
- He's probably got the key.
- Who?
Presumably, he calls himself Weng-Chiang.
- He was an ancient Chinese god.
- I know, and he probably arrived in this.
It was a gift to Mama
from his highness, T'ung-Chi.
It's been in the family quite some years now.
Then you're very lucky
- he hasn't traced it before now.
- Weng-Chiang?
Do you like it?
Yes, it's charming, isn't it, Professor?
- Delightful!
- I'd be proud
- to take you the theatre in that!
- We're going to the theatre?
I have an appointment there,
and if you're good, I'll buy you an orange.
I told Mrs Samuelson what you said.
- She didn't like it.
- I don't want to hear that.
I'm not concerned
with what Mrs Samuelson likes.
She mentioned money matters.
- She wants a word with you.
- The woman's a bloodsucker.
- She said...
- Don't tell me, Casey!
Every night at this time,
I feel like an old war horse
scenting the smoke of the battlefield.
As the house fills, the blood starts tingling.
My public is waiting.
I can't talk about money now!
But you don't do anything, Mr Jago.
I...I announce the acts, I count
the tickets, I smile at people!
You've no idea of the strain it puts on a fellow!
Furthermore, she spent seventeen
and threepence on the wardrobe last week!
- Any sign of the Doctor yet?
- Who?
My collaborator and fellow sleuth.
He'll be here tonight
keeping observation, Casey.
(JAGO ) I'll lay a guinea to a gooseberry on it!
(LITEFOOT) Your cab's here.
(DOCTOR) Good.
You'll need your coats - it's getting thick again.
Hmm. Did you pass word to the police?
Yes. They've posted a man outside.
Good. Lock and bolt the door
and keep your gun handy.
You think those scoundrels will come back?
They might. They want that cabinet.
Don't you worry, Doctor. I'll be ready for them!
They won't catch me napping a second time!
Palace Theatre, cabby. Make it snappy.
(CABBY) Go on!
(KNOCKING ABOVE)
- What is it?
- Your servant, Master.
Go away! I have work to attend to.
Lord, I have heard that the strange infidel,
the Doctor, will be here soon.
Is it still your wish that I should kill him?
I think it more likely that he will kill you.
No, lord, I have plan.
I will kill him as sacrifice
to appease the wrath of my god Weng-Chiang,
to prove that I, above all others,
am your true servant!
You no longer serve me, Li H'sen.
I shall take my own measures.
You do what you will. Now, go!
You owe me a gooseberry, Casey.
There he is - in the box, see?
He don't look like a detective.
Well, he's not going to wear
a brown derby and boots, is he,
a secret investigator like him,
a man of a thousand faces?
- Who's the girl?
- Window dressing. Part of his disguise.
I think I'll just pop up and tell him
we're all on the q.v. down here.
- Have you set the star trap yet?
- Not yet.
You'd better do it,
unless you want to ruin Mr Chang's act!
It's that cellar, Mr Jago.
Psst!
Good evening, Mr Jago.
Pleasure to welcome you, sir,
and your charming companion!
Thank you. Are you
quite comfortable down there?
Oh, I know the value of discretion
in matters like this, Doctor!
May I ask if you've come
to any further deductions?
- Quite a few. Quite a few.
- I thought as much when I saw you here!
I take it you're on the point
of solving the mystery of the missing girls!
I'm expecting further developments
very soon, Mr Jago.
Well, if you need any help, Doctor,
I hope I know where my duty lies!
- I knew I could rely on you.
- To the limit,
though I suppose you've got your own men
scattered throughout the audience!
- No.
- No?
- You mean nobody?
- Nobody.
When the moment comes, Mr Jago, you and I
can face our destiny shoulder to shoulder.
Oh, corks!
# Daisy, Daisy
# Give me your answer do
# I'm half crazy
# All for the love of you
# It won't be a stylish marriage
# I can't afford a carriage
# But you'll look sweet
# On the seat of a bicycle built for two! #
Everybody now!
# Daisy, Daisy... #
Do we need to give the responses?
There's no obligation.
# I'm half crazy... #
When shall we go and look for the cave creature?
Perhaps it'll come looking for us.
(GASPS) No! No!
A Sheffield song thrush!
Last time she was here,
there were eggs all over the stage!
(AUDIENCE GROANS)
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
it is my great privilege to introduce to you,
in his extended season here at the Palace,
the first of two appearances tonight -
someone whose legendary legerdemain
has entranced and entertained
all the crowned heads of Europe.
Here, to baffle and bewilder
in his eclectic extravaganza
of efflorescent ectoplasm -
that master magician
from the Orient, Li H'sen Chang!
(APPLAUSE)
First tlick very simple.
(APPLAUSE)
Next tlick very simple!
Will someone pick cards, please?
You, sir, catchee!
Now, sir, please to assist
humble Chang by selecting any card.
(CHANG) Ace of diamonds.
Please to hold card in air so everyone see.
Now, sir, please to return card
to pack any place.
Honourable gentleman please to hold
cards between finger and thumb.
Chang will now shoot magic bullet
through ace of diamonds
without hitting other cards.
Please to keep very still.
Doctor!
- (HORRIFIED GASPS)
- Please to keep very quiet!
Chang shoot 15 peasants learning this trick!
Now, sir, please to look for ace of diamonds!
Oh, very good! Wasn't that good?
Anything else?
Honourable gentleman
please to bring cards to stage.
I have further demonstration
requiring nerves of steel!
(DOG BARKING)
(APPLAUSE)
I will now ask my eager volunteer
to step into the Cabinet of Death!
(DRUM ROLL)
(LAUGHTER)
(MAN) Behind ya!
The bird has flown. One of us is yellow (!)
(LAUGHTER)
(DRUM ROLL)
If you will now pay close attention,
ladies and gentlemen!
So, the great magician (!)
In my country, this is known
as the death of a thousand cuts!
I will now ask my new volunteer
kindly to assist in opening the cabinet!
(AUDIENCE GASPS)
Quick, drop the curtain!
What's happened?
He's dead. He died of a fright.
Poor Casey! He's worked here for years!
Doctor, what happened? Did Chang kill him?
No, Chang was as surprised
as anyone. Where's he gone?
Are you here, Master?
This is your servant, Li H'sen.
Answer me, lord!
If you're here, answer!
He has gone.
Weng-Chiang, lord of greatness,
has deserted me!
- Lord?
- You've been left to carry the can, Chang!
No poison tonight,
there are questions to answer!
I will say nothing. It is time
for me to join my forefathers.
Well, the police shouldn't hold you up long.
Where did Weng-Chiang go?
Perhaps back to his great palace in the sky.
I failed him. He was displeased with me.
His mind is broken.
Li H'sen, you know he's not a god, don't you?
He came like a god.
He appeared in a blazing cabinet of fire.
I saw him and helped him.
He was tired from his journey.
- Go on.
- He was ill for many months.
I was but a humble peasant,
but I gave him sanctuary
while the soldiers searched. I nursed him.
The cabinet! What happened to the cabinet?
The soldiers of T'ung-Chi took it.
Ever since, we have searched
for the great cabinet of Weng-Chiang.
The god will not be made whole
until it is recovered.
(JAGO ) Doctor, are you down here?
Cover me in creosote,
I never knew this was here!
(LEELA) Doctor!
- No, Leela.
- But he's escaping!
There's no escape that way.
He's gone to join his ancestors.
(SCREECHING ROAR)
(SCREECHING)
You mean the celestial Chang was involved
in all these Machiavellian machinations?
Yes - up to his epicanthic eyebrows!
(AGONISED SCREAMS)
What in the name of heaven's that?
You'll have to book yourself
a new act tomorrow.
Cyanide gas might do for the brutes,
though you'd have to shut
the sewers off for a day or two.
This is all that's left of them.
Of the missing girls? So it WAS Chang!
Not Chang, his master -
the crazed maniac who organised all this.
Doctor, the machine's gone!
He's going to start up
all over again somewhere else!
He could be anywhere.
We'll have to look for him!
With his DNA helixes split open,
the more cells he absorbs into himself,
the more deformed he becomes.
You mean he is like a water bag with a hole
and the hole is getting bigger?
- Yes.
- What made him like that?
He used the cabinet -
a dangerous experiment in time travel.
Now he'll be struggling to keep
his metabolism in balance.
- And the rats?
- An experiment.
He used rats to gauge the strength
of the psionic amplification field.
After that, they were sewer guards!
I've got it! ''See the lair of the phantom!''
Conducted tours, bob a nob!
I'm onto a fortune here!
You aren't going, are you?
I must - things to do!
(QUIETLY) We've got to get back
to that time cabinet. Come on.
(ECHOING, SCREECHING ROAR)
(MAN) Come on!
(WENG-CHIANG LAUGHS)
(TRIUMPHANT HOWL)
(ECHOING ROAR)
Aagh! Aagh!
Leela?
Leela, are you all right?
Oh, thank you, Doctor!
- Yes, I'm all right. Just bruised.
- You were lucky.
I deserve death. I had the chance
to kill our enemy and I failed.
- Which enemy?
- The yellow one calls him ''lord''.
He lives in a cage beneath
the theatre. Come, I will show you.
(SCREECHING ROAR)
This gun takes about half an hour
to load. Let's go this way.
Casey, I'm about to repair
for half a foot of port.
- Mrs Samuelson in yet?
- I've not seen her.
Tell her I want the girls' frillies smartening up.
Last night, one of 'em had
a Jacob's ladder as long as my arm!
- You tell her!
- Yes, Mr Jago.
Oh! Mr Chang! Back again already?
I shall have to start charging you rent, what?
There is much to prepare
before the performance.
Of course, Mr Chang, yes.
The art that conceals, eh?
- Tell me, er... Last night...
- Last night?
I'm working too hard - too much
in the old brainbox, that's a fact.
We discussed a new contract,
but I've quite forgotten how we left matters.
I'm considering your new offer.
Ah, I see... Splendid.
Generous offer?
Very reasonable.
Tonight, incidentally,
I shall be appearing without Mr Sin.
Why is that? Just making a change?
Mr Sin is indisposed.
(LAUGHING) Oh, very droll!
I shall treasure that exceedingly
humorous jest, Mr Chang!
Oh, Mr Chang!
I suppose the little fellow's
got a touch of woodworm, what?
- Say that again!
- Hmm?
- Say that again!
- She was dead!
Her skin was dry like old leaves.
It was something the machine did to her.
Like old leaves? Sounds like
organic distillation - the life essence.
That's what he called it.
- He seemed to know all about it.
- He doesn't! He's a madman!
- Here we are! Your outfit, my dear.
- Oh, thank you, Professor!
No, no, not here! Mrs Hudson's upstairs.
She'll help you change.
Hope it's suitable!
- Dashed embarrassing business, eh?
- Hmm?
- Never done it before!
- What?
Chosen togs for a girl.
You have to be careful it's in the right fashion!
- Clothes matter to women!
- They do?
- Still trying to open it, are you?
- Yes. I'm trying to place the period.
It can only be opened by a key
of the correct molecular combination.
What were you saying about a madman?
- He's probably got the key.
- Who?
Presumably, he calls himself Weng-Chiang.
- He was an ancient Chinese god.
- I know, and he probably arrived in this.
It was a gift to Mama
from his highness, T'ung-Chi.
It's been in the family quite some years now.
Then you're very lucky
- he hasn't traced it before now.
- Weng-Chiang?
Do you like it?
Yes, it's charming, isn't it, Professor?
- Delightful!
- I'd be proud
- to take you the theatre in that!
- We're going to the theatre?
I have an appointment there,
and if you're good, I'll buy you an orange.
I told Mrs Samuelson what you said.
- She didn't like it.
- I don't want to hear that.
I'm not concerned
with what Mrs Samuelson likes.
She mentioned money matters.
- She wants a word with you.
- The woman's a bloodsucker.
- She said...
- Don't tell me, Casey!
Every night at this time,
I feel like an old war horse
scenting the smoke of the battlefield.
As the house fills, the blood starts tingling.
My public is waiting.
I can't talk about money now!
But you don't do anything, Mr Jago.
I...I announce the acts, I count
the tickets, I smile at people!
You've no idea of the strain it puts on a fellow!
Furthermore, she spent seventeen
and threepence on the wardrobe last week!
- Any sign of the Doctor yet?
- Who?
My collaborator and fellow sleuth.
He'll be here tonight
keeping observation, Casey.
(JAGO ) I'll lay a guinea to a gooseberry on it!
(LITEFOOT) Your cab's here.
(DOCTOR) Good.
You'll need your coats - it's getting thick again.
Hmm. Did you pass word to the police?
Yes. They've posted a man outside.
Good. Lock and bolt the door
and keep your gun handy.
You think those scoundrels will come back?
They might. They want that cabinet.
Don't you worry, Doctor. I'll be ready for them!
They won't catch me napping a second time!
Palace Theatre, cabby. Make it snappy.
(CABBY) Go on!
(KNOCKING ABOVE)
- What is it?
- Your servant, Master.
Go away! I have work to attend to.
Lord, I have heard that the strange infidel,
the Doctor, will be here soon.
Is it still your wish that I should kill him?
I think it more likely that he will kill you.
No, lord, I have plan.
I will kill him as sacrifice
to appease the wrath of my god Weng-Chiang,
to prove that I, above all others,
am your true servant!
You no longer serve me, Li H'sen.
I shall take my own measures.
You do what you will. Now, go!
You owe me a gooseberry, Casey.
There he is - in the box, see?
He don't look like a detective.
Well, he's not going to wear
a brown derby and boots, is he,
a secret investigator like him,
a man of a thousand faces?
- Who's the girl?
- Window dressing. Part of his disguise.
I think I'll just pop up and tell him
we're all on the q.v. down here.
- Have you set the star trap yet?
- Not yet.
You'd better do it,
unless you want to ruin Mr Chang's act!
It's that cellar, Mr Jago.
Psst!
Good evening, Mr Jago.
Pleasure to welcome you, sir,
and your charming companion!
Thank you. Are you
quite comfortable down there?
Oh, I know the value of discretion
in matters like this, Doctor!
May I ask if you've come
to any further deductions?
- Quite a few. Quite a few.
- I thought as much when I saw you here!
I take it you're on the point
of solving the mystery of the missing girls!
I'm expecting further developments
very soon, Mr Jago.
Well, if you need any help, Doctor,
I hope I know where my duty lies!
- I knew I could rely on you.
- To the limit,
though I suppose you've got your own men
scattered throughout the audience!
- No.
- No?
- You mean nobody?
- Nobody.
When the moment comes, Mr Jago, you and I
can face our destiny shoulder to shoulder.
Oh, corks!
# Daisy, Daisy
# Give me your answer do
# I'm half crazy
# All for the love of you
# It won't be a stylish marriage
# I can't afford a carriage
# But you'll look sweet
# On the seat of a bicycle built for two! #
Everybody now!
# Daisy, Daisy... #
Do we need to give the responses?
There's no obligation.
# I'm half crazy... #
When shall we go and look for the cave creature?
Perhaps it'll come looking for us.
(GASPS) No! No!
A Sheffield song thrush!
Last time she was here,
there were eggs all over the stage!
(AUDIENCE GROANS)
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
it is my great privilege to introduce to you,
in his extended season here at the Palace,
the first of two appearances tonight -
someone whose legendary legerdemain
has entranced and entertained
all the crowned heads of Europe.
Here, to baffle and bewilder
in his eclectic extravaganza
of efflorescent ectoplasm -
that master magician
from the Orient, Li H'sen Chang!
(APPLAUSE)
First tlick very simple.
(APPLAUSE)
Next tlick very simple!
Will someone pick cards, please?
You, sir, catchee!
Now, sir, please to assist
humble Chang by selecting any card.
(CHANG) Ace of diamonds.
Please to hold card in air so everyone see.
Now, sir, please to return card
to pack any place.
Honourable gentleman please to hold
cards between finger and thumb.
Chang will now shoot magic bullet
through ace of diamonds
without hitting other cards.
Please to keep very still.
Doctor!
- (HORRIFIED GASPS)
- Please to keep very quiet!
Chang shoot 15 peasants learning this trick!
Now, sir, please to look for ace of diamonds!
Oh, very good! Wasn't that good?
Anything else?
Honourable gentleman
please to bring cards to stage.
I have further demonstration
requiring nerves of steel!
(DOG BARKING)
(APPLAUSE)
I will now ask my eager volunteer
to step into the Cabinet of Death!
(DRUM ROLL)
(LAUGHTER)
(MAN) Behind ya!
The bird has flown. One of us is yellow (!)
(LAUGHTER)
(DRUM ROLL)
If you will now pay close attention,
ladies and gentlemen!
So, the great magician (!)
In my country, this is known
as the death of a thousand cuts!
I will now ask my new volunteer
kindly to assist in opening the cabinet!
(AUDIENCE GASPS)
Quick, drop the curtain!
What's happened?
He's dead. He died of a fright.
Poor Casey! He's worked here for years!
Doctor, what happened? Did Chang kill him?
No, Chang was as surprised
as anyone. Where's he gone?
Are you here, Master?
This is your servant, Li H'sen.
Answer me, lord!
If you're here, answer!
He has gone.
Weng-Chiang, lord of greatness,
has deserted me!
- Lord?
- You've been left to carry the can, Chang!
No poison tonight,
there are questions to answer!
I will say nothing. It is time
for me to join my forefathers.
Well, the police shouldn't hold you up long.
Where did Weng-Chiang go?
Perhaps back to his great palace in the sky.
I failed him. He was displeased with me.
His mind is broken.
Li H'sen, you know he's not a god, don't you?
He came like a god.
He appeared in a blazing cabinet of fire.
I saw him and helped him.
He was tired from his journey.
- Go on.
- He was ill for many months.
I was but a humble peasant,
but I gave him sanctuary
while the soldiers searched. I nursed him.
The cabinet! What happened to the cabinet?
The soldiers of T'ung-Chi took it.
Ever since, we have searched
for the great cabinet of Weng-Chiang.
The god will not be made whole
until it is recovered.
(JAGO ) Doctor, are you down here?
Cover me in creosote,
I never knew this was here!
(LEELA) Doctor!
- No, Leela.
- But he's escaping!
There's no escape that way.
He's gone to join his ancestors.
(SCREECHING ROAR)
(SCREECHING)
You mean the celestial Chang was involved
in all these Machiavellian machinations?
Yes - up to his epicanthic eyebrows!
(AGONISED SCREAMS)
What in the name of heaven's that?
You'll have to book yourself
a new act tomorrow.
Cyanide gas might do for the brutes,
though you'd have to shut
the sewers off for a day or two.
This is all that's left of them.
Of the missing girls? So it WAS Chang!
Not Chang, his master -
the crazed maniac who organised all this.
Doctor, the machine's gone!
He's going to start up
all over again somewhere else!
He could be anywhere.
We'll have to look for him!
With his DNA helixes split open,
the more cells he absorbs into himself,
the more deformed he becomes.
You mean he is like a water bag with a hole
and the hole is getting bigger?
- Yes.
- What made him like that?
He used the cabinet -
a dangerous experiment in time travel.
Now he'll be struggling to keep
his metabolism in balance.
- And the rats?
- An experiment.
He used rats to gauge the strength
of the psionic amplification field.
After that, they were sewer guards!
I've got it! ''See the lair of the phantom!''
Conducted tours, bob a nob!
I'm onto a fortune here!
You aren't going, are you?
I must - things to do!
(QUIETLY) We've got to get back
to that time cabinet. Come on.
(ECHOING, SCREECHING ROAR)
(MAN) Come on!
(WENG-CHIANG LAUGHS)
(TRIUMPHANT HOWL)