Doctor Who (2005–…): Season 9, Episode 0 - Last Christmas - full transcript
The Doctor and Clara face their Last Christmas. Trapped on an Arctic base, under attack from terrifying creatures, who are you going to call? Santa Claus!
Moron!
Numbskull!
Elf! That's racist!
Of course it's not racist,
you ARE an elf!
Chimneys? I'm sorry!
I'm just checking that you can see
these massive chimneys.
I...They're hard to miss.
As you've clearly demonstrated, Ian!
Donner! Donner and Blitzen!
Come on down, down here, boys.
Good boys, good boys.
Rudolph?
Just, just clear
all the tangerines up.
Pick 'em up - all of them, Ian.
You know no-one really likes
the tangerines, don't you?
How dare you!
That's my signature gift!
That and the walnut.
Down here, boys, come on.
Rudolph?!
Sir? We've been seen.
Hello...
Hello. Hello!
Hello, human.
You can't call her human!
It's not racist. They don't mind.
Hush up, both of you.
Sorry about this... girl?
W-We... are just three passing,
perfectly ordinary...
roof people, doing
some emergency... roof things.
Carry on. Merry Christmas.
If-if it is Christmas, I mean...!
I don't much care for things
like that, myself. Pfft!
I mean, Christmas! Are you...
Santa Claus?
Me?!
No! No!
It's ridiculous...
No, no, no!
Rudolph! Rudolph! Down here!
All right, fine, yes. Yes, it's me.
Guilty.
How did you recognise me?
You know how you grew that beard
as a bit of a disguise?
People have picked up on it.
OK, no. Hang on, stop, shut up.
What? Seriously, you...
you're Father Christmas?
You're real?
Of course I'm real!
How could he not be real?
How do you think those presents got
under the tree every year? By magic?
Well, I thought it was my mum and...
Mum and Dad?!
Well, of course it was!
I mean, it makes perfect sense!
Your mum and dad, one day a year,
for no particular reason,
just out of the blue,
suddenly decide to give you
a great, big pile of presents.
No, no, no. Because...
"They love you so much!"
It's a lovely story, dear.
Yeah, but it's time to start living
in the real world, yeah?
OK, right.
Clara Oswald.
Mostly favours travel books,
science kits.
Strict ban on hair products.
Marginal for the naughty list, '93.
Believer until the age of nine.
Why did you stop?
Because you're a fairy tale.
I grew out of fairy tales.
Did you, Clara?
Did you really?
Clara, I want you
to step inside the TARDIS.
I don't want you to talk,
I want you to do as I ask. Please.
That was good, with the box.
Hmph! Not often we get
upstaged on a rooftop.
Yes, I'm really here. I'm back.
Now get inside the TARDIS.
I know what this is.
I know what's happening,
and I know what's at stake.
I don't think you do, Doctor.
But I promise,
before this Christmas Day is done,
you'll be glad of my help.
Happy Easter!
Brutal!
Cool exit line, though.
Be sure to save some room
for a tangerine, Doctor.
Nobody likes tangerines.
I'm really back here.
This is... this is real, yeah?
Doctor?
Talk to me.
I never thought
I was going to see you again.
What is going on out there?
What's happening?
That noise.
Never knew how much I loved it.
There's something you have to
ask yourself, and it's important.
Your life may depend on it -
everybody's life.
Do you really believe
in Santa Claus?
Do you know what?
Yeah.
Right now, yeah. I think I do.
'You are now 20 feet
from the infirmary.
'In a moment,
as soon as you're ready, '
I'll disable
the security protocols.
Your neural link is good
and holding.
We stand ready to abort
and extract at the first sign
of an anomaly.
We're going to be with you
'every step of the way, Shona.'
We're all depending on you
and we know you won't let us down.
Shona, I'm opening the door.
I need the toilet!
No, you don't. We're monitoring
your bodily functions.
'And how are you monitoring THAT?
Cos that's rude!'
That is... perverted.
Do you remember my briefing, Shona?
Yeah...
Well, no.
I remember some of it.
Some of it? How much?
Till he put his hand on my knee.
'And then I was just grossing.'
It was intended as a comfort!
For whom?
'All I could see was his nose,
'with all the little hairs
coming out of it.'
Have you seen those?
It's like he's got insects
trapped up there,
all trying to escape,
with their wee, wiggly legs.
OK. Let's just
go through this again.
'There are four sleepers
inside the infirmary.
'You're fine, so long as they
don't wake up. She's in range.'
Shona, I'm unsealing the infirmary.
'From now on,
everything you think and feel,
'everything you see,
will be available to them.'
Most of it's fine, like traffic
noise when you're sleeping.
So long as
you don't think about them.
So long as you don't look at them.
So don't think about them...
Don't look at them.
I thought
there was going to be music.
We've got your playlist,
ready to go.
Focus on the words of the song,
try to remember what comes next.
'That will work like interference.
Here comes your earworm.'
Keep your eyes on the floor.
'Shut them where possible.'
Focus on the music and
move forward through the infirmary.
♪ It's the time
that every Santa has a ball
♪ Does he ride
a red-nosed reindeer? ♪
♪ Does a ton-up on his sleigh? ♪
Dear Lord, she's not actually...
If dancing works, it works.
This is insane!
♪ So here it is, Merry Christmas
♪ Everybody's having fun... ♪
This is working!
♪ Look to the future now
♪ It's only just begun
♪ Are you waiting for the family
to arrive? ♪
♪ Are you sure you've got
the room to spare inside... ♪
Argh! Argh!
Shona?
Shona, what's wrong?
We've, we've got ghosts! 'Ghosts?!'
Yeah, yeah, it's a skeleton man
and a girl in a nightie!
Doctor? No, no, you're making me
think about them,
don't make me think about them!
What are they?
Look, just don't ask, yeah?
And don't look.
Don't make me think about them!
Deaf.
Blind.
How can they see us?
How do they even know
that we're here?
They can only see you, yeah,
if you see them.
So just don't look,
don't even think about them!
Telepathic!
They can home in on their own image
in someone else's brain.
Third-party perception.
Mind piracy.
We're being hacked.
What does that even mean?
The visual input
from your optic nerve
is being streamed to their brains.
Stop broadcasting. Close your eyes!
They're still coming, aren't they?
It's because
you're still thinking about them.
So long as you retain them
as an active memory,
they can still home in.
Think about something else.
How?!
♪ So here it is, Merry Christmas... ♪
Why is she singing?!
♪ Everybody's having... ♪
She's running interference.
She's trying to distract herself.
304 minus 17.
Sorry, what?
Plus 20 - just do it! 507.
Minus 14, times four. 1,972.
Stop being so good at arithmetic!
I can't help it!
Danny Pink!
What's Danny Pink up to right now?
Probably flirting
with your neighbour
or texting women
of low moral character.
Don't you dare.
Don't you dare say that.
I was only... Danny Pink is dead.
No, he's not. He's dead.
Go, run, now, now, now!
Come on, quick, quick, come on!
Here they come!
No!
Good boy.
Well, now.
What seems to be the problem?
This is the North Pole.
We don't want any trouble here.
Rudolph?
Easy, son.
Oi! Sleepy heads!
It's Christmas Eve, early to bed.
Who the hell are you?
Take a guess, go on.
Push the boat out!
Tooth Fairy, maybe?
Easter Bunny?
Shut your mouth, wise guy,
or you get yours!
It's a balloon animal.
That's a toy gun.
Yeah, well, at least it's unsuitable
for children under four!
Parts small enough to swallow.
So watch out.
This is ridiculous.
Am I dreaming? Very good!
I need to know exactly who you are,
and what's happening here.
Hello, Ashley. Lead scientist
on a polar expedition!
That microscope really paid off,
didn't it?
Now, your mum and dad wanted me
to get you a toy one,
but sometimes, I take a chance.
Who are you?
Why are you dressed like... that?
Why do you think?
Come on, this is mental!
This is totally not happening.
I got three words, Shona.
Don't make me use 'em.
What three words?
My. Little. Pony.
Shut up, you!
Yeah? I've got lots more, babe.
I will mark you, Santa!
OK, Doctor, are you going to explain?
What is going on?
It's an invasion, Miss Oswald.
An invasion of what, elves?
THAT is racist. Elfist!
Which is a bit hypocritical,
from someone of your height.
You seen them before, Doctor?
I've heard of them.
The Kantrofarri.
Colloquially known as
the Dream Crabs.
Yeah. Depending on how many of those
are already on Earth,
the human race may well have seen
its last day.
So, are we going to stand about
arguing about
whether I'm real or not, or are we
going to get busy saving Christmas?
Santa goes badass!
He's giving me the feels.
Shut up!
That's a... that's a verbal warning.
Please, stop it.
Is it dead?
I don't know. Possibly.
I'm assuming extra-terrestrial.
Definitely.
Then how can you have heard of
these things? Guess.
Because you're extra-terrestrial,
too? Do you believe that?
If you are Santa... -
..what are you doing here?
It's the North Pole. And I own it.
He means the actual pole.
It goes right through
the middle of the workshop.
I've got a selfie with it!
Show her. Look at Ian!
The North Pole isn't an actual pole.
Of course it is. Look.
If it was an actual pole,
it would not be stripy.
It's got to be stripy!
Otherwise, you couldn't see it
moving round.
It's actually basic physics.
Why's it called a Dream Crab,
for a start? Theorise.
Because it generates
a telepathic field.
And? Alters perception.
Meaning? I seem to be doing
all the work here.
Meaning we can't trust anything
that we see or hear.
Go to the window. Why?
Because it gets worse.
What is that?
That's how Clara and I got here.
In a box?
Technically, in a telephone kiosk.
How?
Because it's a spaceship
in disguise.
You know what the big problem is,
in telling fantasy
and reality apart?
What? They're both ridiculous.
It's Christmas Eve!
Yeah. You don't have to
tell me that.
Then why aren't you out
delivering presents?
Technically I am.
Well, you're not. You're stood right
there. Shona, grow up, love!
Yeah, do the math, baby.
There's not just one Santa
delivery team. How could there be?
There are 526,403,012 children
all expecting presents
before tomorrow morning.
So, that's 22 million children
per hour!
It's impossible! Obviously,
I've got a second sledge.
So we don't know what is real
and what isn't? Exactly.
Are we in danger?
We are well way past danger,
Clara.
If I'm right, and I usually am...
we're dying.
Then how do we stay alive?
I like you. Straight to the point.
I want you to show me how you first
encountered those creatures,
and what happened to those people
in the infirmary.
I notice you all wear mini-cams.
So I assume there is footage.
Is it possible I'm about to work
with someone who might be a dream?
If it helps, so am I.
We have footage on the drives.
I'll see what I can pull up.
Ashley?
What's this polar base for?
Why are you all here?
It's a long story.
What you said about Danny...
Unacceptable.
I know. I had to flood your mind
with random emotion. Random?!
You never told me he was dead.
You said he made it back.
I lied.
I lied, so you'd go home to Gallifrey
instead of fussing about me.
I never found Gallifrey.
I lied.
So you'd stay with Danny.
So we're dying, then? Yes.
Why? Complicated.
How long do we have?
No idea. Just... Doctor,
give me something to do.
Trust nothing.
Accept nothing you see.
Whatever happens,
interrogate everything.
In case it's a lie?
In case it's a lie.
Reindeer can't fly. They just can't.
No, no, they can't.
It's a scientific impossibility.
That is why I feed mine
magic carrots.
You all right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to
talk sense into Beardy-Weirdy.
You don't seem much like
a scientist.
That's a bit rude,
coming from a magician!
Why are you out here?
What brought you to the North Pole?
Long story, isn't it?
You missed the killer question.
Sorry, what?
Beardy-Weirdy. Yeah?
How do you get all
the presents in the sleigh?
It's bigger on the inside.
Doctor?
Sorry, starving.
What am I looking at?
Footage from a week ago. A side
expedition from our main mission.
What is your main mission?
Long story.
Ice cave directly beneath this base.
Now, look at what we found.
Dormant at first.
Until you looked at them too long.
Till you thought about them.
Exactly.
Sleeping. Probably been down there
for centuries.
And it wakes up
when you think about it?
They can detect their own mental
picture in any nearby mind.
That's Bellows' theory.
It's like
it responds to the presence
of any data concerning itself.
That was always the legend.
You think about a Dream Crab,
a Dream Crab is coming for you.
This is where it gets really nasty.
Only now?
OK. Then what?
They're a bit like Facehuggers,
aren't they?
Facehuggers?
You know, Alien.
The horror movie, Alien.
There's a horror movie
called Alien?
That's really offensive. No wonder
everyone keeps invading you.
First, they just slept.
Couple of days, just lying there.
And then they became aggressive?
If we got close enough, yeah.
It would take the Dream Crab
a little while to take control.
Depends how much of
the host brain was...
Was what?
Digested.
Are they still alive under those
things? Depends what you call alive.
Are they suffering? No, no, no.
The Dream Crab
induces a dream state.
Keeps you happy and relaxed,
in a perfectly realised dream world,
as you dissolve.
Merciful, I suppose.
Compared to what?
Compared to that turkey leg
you keep eating.
Could you rewind?
I'd like to see them dormant again.
Clara, could you fetch me
the dead one?
Maybe I could fetch you a cup of tea
while I'm at it!
Yes,
and a punch in the face, too.
My very next suggestion. Fair enough.
Doctor?
What's wrong?
We're thinking about it.
Clara!
100 minus 42 is 58 times 3 is
174 minus 32
is 142 divided by 7 is 20
and, and, and a bit.
Think about something else,
think about something else.
Danny Pink, Danny, Danny.
Danny Pink, I love you and I'll
never see you again, and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I lied. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
Who are you?
What do you mean, who am I?
Who do you think I am?
Danny?
Merry Christmas!
Come on!
Come on where?
Downstairs.
Why?
Well, you know what day it is!
What day is it?
Easter. It's Easter Day.
That's why I'm dressed like this,
I'm Father Easter!
Is that a thing?
No, because it's Christmas!
Well, you've made me
want chocolate now.
Good. Come on, you.
Out of bed, downstairs.
I have surprises.
Tickets for the
Indian Orient Express.
That painting we saw in Paris,
and permission to own a cat.
How did you know?
Because those are exactly
the things I want
and you are too clever
ever to be wrong.
How do you make you clever
into me being clever?
I always protect your ego
from the truth.
Thank you for that!
It's Christmas. Hurry up, then!
Danny?
Whose blackboard is that?
What blackboard?
Are you coming?
Yeah, just a moment...!
Clara?
Coming!
Clara!
Yeah.
Just a minute.
'Dying!'
'Dying!'
'Clara! Clara!'
Well, come on then.
You don't know what I'm wearing
underneath this Santa outfit!
Your pyjamas. You're too shy
to wear less than two layers.
You could have used
your imagination.
Yeah, I generally have to.
'Clara!'
Clara, you're dreaming.
You're dying.
Can you hear me?
Clara?
We did try to waken the others.
No stimulus worked.
OK, we kill it.
We find a way to kill it and we
get it off her. How do we kill it?
There's no way to kill it without
killing your friend, too.
And as a scientist, may I just say,
I don't like the way
you're talking... Santa!
In the infirmary,
you told the sleepers to go to bed,
and they obeyed you.
Sorry, doesn't mean
I can get that creature off her.
But you can get back in there
unharmed.
What?! You're asking Santa for help?
He doesn't exist!
And how would you know that?
How did you become an expert
on what does and doesn't exist?
I can commit several million
housebreaks in one night,
dressed in a red suit
with jingle bells.
So of course I can get back
into the infirmary.
Good. Because there's only one way
that I can communicate with Clara.
Your dad?
Going by the timing, I'd say so.
If you let him anywhere near
the subject of golf,
I will do a thing,
and it will not be a good thing.
Aren't we giving him golf clubs?
And I'm prepared to use them!
Hi.
Hi.
Doctor?
It's not real, Clara.
You know it's not real.
It's a dream, and it's killing you.
Merry Christmas!
You remember Danny, of course.
Not as well as you, clearly.
You've made him a fraction taller.
Merry Christmas, PE.
Compliments of the season, sir!
Dialogue's pretty good, too.
Nice work. It's all in the detail.
Just stop it.
He's not real, Clara.
None of this is real.
What's real is that
there is an alien organism
wrapped around your face,
keeping you warm and happy,
while it eats you.
Mince pie, anyone?
You're dying.
If this is a dream,
how can you be here?
How can we both be having
the same dream?
There was only one way
to get to you.
And what was that? I'm dying, too.
Have we just killed him?
Have we just made it worse?
He thinks he can join the dream,
get her out.
Have a little faith.
You just wake up.
Just leave me here, please.
You have a pain right here.
It's like an ice cream pain, but
gentle. Do you know what that is?
The skin and bone have been parted,
probably half an inch,
and something has pushed right
into the soft tissue of your brain
and is very slowly dissolving it.
I want you to picture it this way.
Somebody has put a straw
right through your skull
and is drinking you.
You should be screaming with agony,
but there's anaesthetic.
Everything around you right now -
even Danny, especially Danny,
that's the anaesthetic.
Why are you doing this?
Why are you saying all that?
Because it's true! How long
do you think you've been here?
All day. No, no, no, no.
Barely five minutes.
Because dream time goes faster.
Because this isn't real.
Danny isn't real.
Danny Pink died saving the world.
I really didn't.
I'm sorry. I thought
there was a way back for him,
but I was wrong,
I can't change that, he's dead.
I didn't die saving the world,
Doctor,
I died saving Clara.
The rest of you just got lucky.
How long has she got?
Minutes, till it's irreversible.
Well, then, get out the way.
I'm a dream
and you know I am, right?
Right, one thing.
But it's important.
It's a very important thing.
That is totally how you guessed
all my presents.
I miss you.
Five minutes. What?
You can miss me
for five minutes a day.
And you'd better do it properly.
You'd better be sad.
I expect my five.
But all the rest of the time,
Clara, all the rest of the time,
every single second,
you just get the hell on with it.
Clear?
Don't you soldier me!
Do as you're told.
Brave.
Dead already.
How does she wake up? I don't know.
Just try.
Accept this isn't real, and try.
Do it. For me.
When I wake up, you won't be there.
Do you know why people get together
at Christmas?
Because every time they do,
it might be the last time.
Every Christmas is last Christmas.
And this is ours.
This was a bonus. This is extra.
But now it's time to wake up.
Argh!
Clara? Clara, look at me,
Clara! Clara!
Breathe, breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So these creatures - when their
feeding goes wrong, they die?
The carnivore's hazard.
Food has teeth too.
You OK?
No.
Good.
There are some things
we should never be OK about.
There doesn't seem to be a wound.
No. And the pain's still there,
isn't it?
Is it the ice cream pain?
Just here? Cos I've got that.
It's the cold, I think.
Some sort of reaction.
But only on one side,
just that spot there.
Doesn't that strike you as odd?
Well, we've all got it.
OK. So why do we all have that pain?
Theorise.
Don't treat me like a beginner!
I was dreaming, then I woke up,
I know that.
Do you? And have you ever woken up
from a dream
and discovered
you're still dreaming?
Dreams within dreams - dream states
nested inside each other.
All perfectly possible. Especially
when we are dealing with creatures
who have weaponised our dreams
against us.
I don't know about anybody else,
but I'm pretty certain
I'm awake right now.
Which is odd,
when you think about it.
Odd?
Impossible, in fact.
How can any of us be awake?
I don't understand.
Remember how we all first met?
In the infirmary?
Come on, quick, quick, come on.
Go! Run, now!
Those creatures coming down
from the ceiling, attacking us.
Here they come!
We never stood a chance.
How did we survive that?
Well, w-we were rescued.
Yeah, we were rescued.
And who was it that rescued us?
No, no, no, I need you to do
the east coast right now.
Well, otherwise you'll be delivering
to the islands in broad daylight.
Yeah, listen...
Please try and remember
that our mugshots are on
every Christmas card.
Yeah, just get it done,
head towards the northern lights.
Yes, I remembered to switch them on!
The Helman-Ziegler test - the only
reliable dream test that I know.
Your base manual. I take it
none of you have memorised this.
I haven't, I haven't read it.
These books should be identical
in the real world.
But as they don't exist
in your memory,
in a dream, they can't be. Agreed?
Clara.
Give me any two-digit number.
57.
All right, all of you, turn to page
57 and look at the very first word.
Right, when I point at you.
Isotope.
Well?
Extremely.
Inside.
Chocolate. Why did I get chocolate,
what's that about?
This can't be right. We must have
got it wrong, that's all.
Well, we'll do it again. Clara?
24. 24.
We.
Are.
All.
Shona?
Dead.
Since the attack in the infirmary,
nothing has been real?
The attack is still going on.
This is it!
We've been dreaming since then?
For Easter's sake!
Of course you've been dreaming!
Haven't you been paying attention?
Rudolph - did you see the nose?
The North Pole?
Come on, with stripes?!
This...
is...
a dream!
How much more obvious do you want me
to make it?
Because I can text the Easter Bunny,
you know.
Seriously? You're trying to help?
As you stand here,
chatting, chatting,
your lives are ending.
Unless you wake up,
unless you free yourselves
from these dreadful creatures,
they're going to destroy you.
You're a dream
who's trying to save us?
Shona, sweetheart, I'm Santa Claus.
I think you just defined me!
This makes perfect sense.
The Dream Crab tries to make
the dream as real as possible
to trap you inside it.
It creates dreams within dreams
so you can never be sure
if you are really awake.
But your brain
knows something is wrong.
Your subconscious fights back.
THIS is your mind,
trying to tell you this isn't real.
So it gives you me.
Sweet Papa Chrimbo!
It gives you comedy elves,
flying reindeer.
Exactly!
A time-travelling scientist
dressed as a magician.
Classic!
No, no, no. Hang on. No, no, no, no.
Living in a phone box.
It's a spaceship in disguise!
You see how none of this
makes any sense?
Shut up, Santa!
I've watched over you
all your lives.
I've taken care of you
from Christmas to Christmas.
But you're not real!
And yet, that never stopped me.
All of you, come near.
Come here, come on! Join hands.
No, look, we don't need all this
touchy-feely stuff. Shut up, Doctor!
Join hands. Come on, concentrate.
Why?
You are deep inside this dream,
all right,
and it is a shared mental state,
so it is drawing power
from the multi-consciousness gestalt
which has now formed
telepathically... No, no, no.
Line in the sand. Santa Claus does
not do the scientific explanation!
All right. As the Doctor might say,
"Aw, it's all a bit dreamy-weamy!"
Why don't you just go
and make a naughty list?
I have, mate, and you're on it!
Don't give me that look.
You're supposed to be warm
and friendly and cheerful!
Look at your great bedside manner!
Don't be so hostile!
Doctor, behave!
This is very sweet. But right now
I have an alien life form
wrapped around my face, and
apparently it's digesting my brain.
When you speak, how do I know
it's not the Dream Crab?
Good question.
Spoken like a scientist.
Can I put it another way?
Why would the part of our brain that
is trying to keep all of us alive
choose you for a face?
Is anyone else asking that?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All of us.
All of us. Why you?
Well...
It's the North Pole,
it's Christmas Day.
You're dying.
Who you gonna call?
Just one last time?
One last Christmas,
as if your lives depended on it.
Please!
Believe in Santa!
I'm not very good
with this holdy-hand thing. Tough.
I WILL hold Clara's hand,
but that's it.
Shona, take his hand.
No, I'm fine, I'm fine.
This is very Christmassy, isn't it?
OK, so what do we...?
Where did he go?
We're waking up.
That part of the dream is over.
We're on our own now.
Well, then. What do we do?
That pain in your head.
Make it worse.
Head towards it.
So when we wake up,
what do we expect?
Only a few moments will have passed
at the most.
The attack is still in progress.
I'm scared.
Congratulations.
That means you're not an idiot.
It's not like the last time.
Last time wasn't real.
Good luck.
Stay calm.
And God bless us, every one.
Run!
Clara!
Doctor!
Out, out, now! NOW!
Everyone all right? Yeah.
Good.
Bye.
Sorry, I'll just go and...
No need for chatting, you'll only
get attached. This isn't Facebook.
What about the Dream Crabs?
They're fine.
And the people that they're eating?
Beyond help.
Doctor, the others
are still in danger.
Only if they're stupid.
There are polar bears
on this ice cap.
Am I supposed to do something
about that, too?
We know Dream Crabs
are still on Earth.
There are lots of dangerous things
on this funny little planet of
yours, Clara, most of which you eat.
I'm the Doctor, not your mam!
Doctor?
If Santa was only in the dream...
why was he on my roof?
Four!
Four patients.
Four manuals.
Hurry!
Do you know what I hate
about the obvious?
What?
Missing it!
As you were, no saluting.
Are you the same people as before?
Of course they are!
Sorry, I deleted you.
Well, that's not
a very nice attitude, is it?
Four manuals, yes?
Yes, why? One each.
One each, yes. What's the problem?
The problem is,
you can't see the problem.
For instance, you, gobby one.
I have a name, actually.
Doesn't matter, I don't need it.
When we first met you in the
infirmary, what were you doing?
It's a long story.
Uptight boss one. What is the
primary mission of this polar base?
It's a long story.
Sexy one - what brings you
to the North Pole at your age?
It's a long... story.
OK. Why are they all
giving the same answer?
Because that is a tiny bit freaky.
You think that's freaky? Try this.
We were in the TARDIS -
why did WE come here?
It's a long story.
Doctor?
Dreams, they're funny.
They're disjointed,
they're silly,
they're full of... gaps.
But you don't notice,
because the dream protects itself.
Stops you asking
the right questions.
For example, why do you have
four manuals, one each,
when you have a crew of eight?
Or did you forget about your friends
in the infirmary here?
But we woke up!
Dreams within dreams, I warned you.
This isn't a dream. I know it isn't.
No-one knows they're not dreaming.
Not one of us. Not ever.
Not for one single moment
of our lives.
Clara?
Page number. Make it a good one.
12.
Very.
Very.
Very.
Dead.
And who's going to be the first
to admit it? Admit what?
That the pain is still there.
Actually, I think it's getting worse.
Yes, there is an alien organism
in your brain, eating it.
Of course it's getting worse.
Doctor?
What are they doing?
Factually, getting up.
Significantly, sensing the endgame.
How? I don't understand.
Well, look at them. Go on.
Look at them. Look at them properly.
Look who they are.
They're you.
The sleepers are you.
How can they be us?
Because we're dreaming, all of us.
This base isn't real. None of us
are actually standing in the room.
I'm probably asleep in my TARDIS.
Clara, you must be in bed.
God knows where the rest of you are,
probably scattered
all over the world.
But wherever you are,
the Dream Crabs have got us,
and we're all being networked
into the same nightmare.
What are they doing?
It's your subconscious again.
The sleepers represent
the part of your mind
that's already surrendered
to the attack.
These are dream images of what's
coming to kill you. That's me!
That's actually me!
No, it's a metaphorical construct
representing a psychic attack
within a shared dreamscape.
Do please keep up.
But it's me! Don't get too close.
Why? Because this is a nightmare.
Look out! They're coming through!
Out! Outside, now!
Run, run, run, run! Run!
Run, run, all of you, go.
Run!
We'll freeze to death out here.
But it's just a dream.
This dream just killed your friend,
start taking it seriously.
Where's Albert?
Where's the professor?
He probably just woke up somewhere
in the real world, dead.
If we don't wake up now, we'll do
the same. But how? I don't know.
The TARDIS! Come on! Come on!
Doctor, it's not the real TARDIS.
Well, let's hope that
I dreamed it really well then.
It's us. Of course it's us.
We're dreaming too.
My God...!
How is that possible?
How can there be so many?!
The logic of a nightmare.
So, tell us how to wake up.
Because you're always talking like
you're so clever, going on and on.
So tell us what to do!
We have to leave this place.
Leave it? How?
Use your imagination.
Excuse me?
Dream yourselves home.
But how?
Come on, it's Christmas,
the North Pole, who you gonna call?
Hyahhh!
Get in the sleigh.
Fortunately, I know
all your home addresses. Hyah!
So, what happens now?
Hyah! This is us
just waking up, right?
Could be. Well, I hope so.
Waking up or... Or?
Just focus on this.
Do you believe in Santa Claus?
I've always believed in Santa Claus.
But he looks a little different
to me.
Look!
You want to
take the reins, Doctor?
You're a dream construct,
currently representing
either my recovering
or expiring mind.
Yes, but do you want a go?
Yeah. All right.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Easy! This way. No, no, no!
Up a bit. Don't stop. There we go.
Look at me. Look... look at me!
Look at me!
I'm riding a sleigh.
I'm riding a sleigh.
Yippee yah-yay!
Maybe you could... Yeah, yeah.
I work in a shop.
I'm sorry?
I thought I was a scientist.
That's rubbish.
Finally, something that makes sense.
You're horrible, you.
Perfume. What?
I'm an account manager for perfume.
Does this mean we're waking up?
Possibly.
With any luck, we'll all wake up
in our proper times and places.
Proper times? Well, we could all be
from different time zones.
Time travel is always possible
in dreams.
We might not know each other?
Not any of us?
No, possibly not.
Well, you know what we should do?
We should swap numbers.
We should have a reunion.
Bellows!
Gran! Dinner's ready.
Yeah, sorry, I must have dozed off.
Now I'm pretty sure
I can remember my number so...
if you memorise it then you text me,
we can go for a curry...
The chances of you remembering
any of this are very slim.
Well, don't say that.
We'll remember, won't we, Ashley?
Ashley?
Am I next? Is it me now? Shona,
you're going home. You're surviving.
Do you want to hang out sometime?
We can just hang out. Sure.
Santa, can I stay a bit longer?
Gross!
It's a pity we have to wake up,
really.
It's not really something
we do every day, is it?
No, no, strictly once a year.
We stay...
we die, Clara.
You're always such a downer, Doctor.
Clara!
You really should be
waking up, too, Clara.
Just a little longer. Why?
Every Christmas is last Christmas.
Hyah!
Clara. Might have known that
you would be the one to sleep in.
OK. I tracked
the psychic signal here.
I'm pretty sure that
I know how to do this now.
One of the advantages
of actually being awake.
So, you just hold still.
I've just got to zap
the neural centres.
OK. There you go.
The Dream Crabs must have got to me
first then found you in my memory.
The others were collateral damage.
Well...
Good to see you properly at last.
How long has it been? Clara...
You know...
about 62 years.
Doctor...
I have missed you very much...
you stupid old man.
I've missed you... too.
These are Christmas hats,
I've seen people use them.
You put them on and absolutely
anything seems funny.
Probably won't work on you.
Probably not. You want to try?
Go on, then.
Can you really see
no difference in me?
Clara Oswald, you will never look
any different to me.
So, how was it then? How was what?
The 62 years that I missed.
How was my life, you mean?
Is there a Mr Clara? No.
But there were plenty of proposals.
They all turned you down though?
I turned them down!
I travelled.
I taught in every country in Europe.
I learned to fly a plane.
Regrets? Hundreds.
I just wish
there were time for a few more.
Yeah, they're always the best part.
Christmas cracker? We should do one.
No-one ever matched up to Danny?
There was one other man.
But that would never have
worked out.
Why not?
He was impossible.
We should do this every Christmas.
Because every Christmas
is last Christmas.
I'm sorry...
I was stupid.
I should have come back earlier.
I wish that I had.
Do you, Doctor?
How much do you wish that?
I'm not still...? Wakey, wakey!
Clara!
Doctor.
Am I young? No idea.
Is that any good?
That's good.
The TARDIS is outside.
So?
So, all of time and all of space...
is sitting out there.
A big blue box. Please...
don't even argue.
Merry Christmas, Doctor.
Merry Christmas, Clara Oswald.
Well, look at you, all happy.
That's rare.
Do you know what's rarer?
Second chances.
I never get a second chance,
so what happened this time?
Don't even know who to thank.
Numbskull!
Elf! That's racist!
Of course it's not racist,
you ARE an elf!
Chimneys? I'm sorry!
I'm just checking that you can see
these massive chimneys.
I...They're hard to miss.
As you've clearly demonstrated, Ian!
Donner! Donner and Blitzen!
Come on down, down here, boys.
Good boys, good boys.
Rudolph?
Just, just clear
all the tangerines up.
Pick 'em up - all of them, Ian.
You know no-one really likes
the tangerines, don't you?
How dare you!
That's my signature gift!
That and the walnut.
Down here, boys, come on.
Rudolph?!
Sir? We've been seen.
Hello...
Hello. Hello!
Hello, human.
You can't call her human!
It's not racist. They don't mind.
Hush up, both of you.
Sorry about this... girl?
W-We... are just three passing,
perfectly ordinary...
roof people, doing
some emergency... roof things.
Carry on. Merry Christmas.
If-if it is Christmas, I mean...!
I don't much care for things
like that, myself. Pfft!
I mean, Christmas! Are you...
Santa Claus?
Me?!
No! No!
It's ridiculous...
No, no, no!
Rudolph! Rudolph! Down here!
All right, fine, yes. Yes, it's me.
Guilty.
How did you recognise me?
You know how you grew that beard
as a bit of a disguise?
People have picked up on it.
OK, no. Hang on, stop, shut up.
What? Seriously, you...
you're Father Christmas?
You're real?
Of course I'm real!
How could he not be real?
How do you think those presents got
under the tree every year? By magic?
Well, I thought it was my mum and...
Mum and Dad?!
Well, of course it was!
I mean, it makes perfect sense!
Your mum and dad, one day a year,
for no particular reason,
just out of the blue,
suddenly decide to give you
a great, big pile of presents.
No, no, no. Because...
"They love you so much!"
It's a lovely story, dear.
Yeah, but it's time to start living
in the real world, yeah?
OK, right.
Clara Oswald.
Mostly favours travel books,
science kits.
Strict ban on hair products.
Marginal for the naughty list, '93.
Believer until the age of nine.
Why did you stop?
Because you're a fairy tale.
I grew out of fairy tales.
Did you, Clara?
Did you really?
Clara, I want you
to step inside the TARDIS.
I don't want you to talk,
I want you to do as I ask. Please.
That was good, with the box.
Hmph! Not often we get
upstaged on a rooftop.
Yes, I'm really here. I'm back.
Now get inside the TARDIS.
I know what this is.
I know what's happening,
and I know what's at stake.
I don't think you do, Doctor.
But I promise,
before this Christmas Day is done,
you'll be glad of my help.
Happy Easter!
Brutal!
Cool exit line, though.
Be sure to save some room
for a tangerine, Doctor.
Nobody likes tangerines.
I'm really back here.
This is... this is real, yeah?
Doctor?
Talk to me.
I never thought
I was going to see you again.
What is going on out there?
What's happening?
That noise.
Never knew how much I loved it.
There's something you have to
ask yourself, and it's important.
Your life may depend on it -
everybody's life.
Do you really believe
in Santa Claus?
Do you know what?
Yeah.
Right now, yeah. I think I do.
'You are now 20 feet
from the infirmary.
'In a moment,
as soon as you're ready, '
I'll disable
the security protocols.
Your neural link is good
and holding.
We stand ready to abort
and extract at the first sign
of an anomaly.
We're going to be with you
'every step of the way, Shona.'
We're all depending on you
and we know you won't let us down.
Shona, I'm opening the door.
I need the toilet!
No, you don't. We're monitoring
your bodily functions.
'And how are you monitoring THAT?
Cos that's rude!'
That is... perverted.
Do you remember my briefing, Shona?
Yeah...
Well, no.
I remember some of it.
Some of it? How much?
Till he put his hand on my knee.
'And then I was just grossing.'
It was intended as a comfort!
For whom?
'All I could see was his nose,
'with all the little hairs
coming out of it.'
Have you seen those?
It's like he's got insects
trapped up there,
all trying to escape,
with their wee, wiggly legs.
OK. Let's just
go through this again.
'There are four sleepers
inside the infirmary.
'You're fine, so long as they
don't wake up. She's in range.'
Shona, I'm unsealing the infirmary.
'From now on,
everything you think and feel,
'everything you see,
will be available to them.'
Most of it's fine, like traffic
noise when you're sleeping.
So long as
you don't think about them.
So long as you don't look at them.
So don't think about them...
Don't look at them.
I thought
there was going to be music.
We've got your playlist,
ready to go.
Focus on the words of the song,
try to remember what comes next.
'That will work like interference.
Here comes your earworm.'
Keep your eyes on the floor.
'Shut them where possible.'
Focus on the music and
move forward through the infirmary.
♪ It's the time
that every Santa has a ball
♪ Does he ride
a red-nosed reindeer? ♪
♪ Does a ton-up on his sleigh? ♪
Dear Lord, she's not actually...
If dancing works, it works.
This is insane!
♪ So here it is, Merry Christmas
♪ Everybody's having fun... ♪
This is working!
♪ Look to the future now
♪ It's only just begun
♪ Are you waiting for the family
to arrive? ♪
♪ Are you sure you've got
the room to spare inside... ♪
Argh! Argh!
Shona?
Shona, what's wrong?
We've, we've got ghosts! 'Ghosts?!'
Yeah, yeah, it's a skeleton man
and a girl in a nightie!
Doctor? No, no, you're making me
think about them,
don't make me think about them!
What are they?
Look, just don't ask, yeah?
And don't look.
Don't make me think about them!
Deaf.
Blind.
How can they see us?
How do they even know
that we're here?
They can only see you, yeah,
if you see them.
So just don't look,
don't even think about them!
Telepathic!
They can home in on their own image
in someone else's brain.
Third-party perception.
Mind piracy.
We're being hacked.
What does that even mean?
The visual input
from your optic nerve
is being streamed to their brains.
Stop broadcasting. Close your eyes!
They're still coming, aren't they?
It's because
you're still thinking about them.
So long as you retain them
as an active memory,
they can still home in.
Think about something else.
How?!
♪ So here it is, Merry Christmas... ♪
Why is she singing?!
♪ Everybody's having... ♪
She's running interference.
She's trying to distract herself.
304 minus 17.
Sorry, what?
Plus 20 - just do it! 507.
Minus 14, times four. 1,972.
Stop being so good at arithmetic!
I can't help it!
Danny Pink!
What's Danny Pink up to right now?
Probably flirting
with your neighbour
or texting women
of low moral character.
Don't you dare.
Don't you dare say that.
I was only... Danny Pink is dead.
No, he's not. He's dead.
Go, run, now, now, now!
Come on, quick, quick, come on!
Here they come!
No!
Good boy.
Well, now.
What seems to be the problem?
This is the North Pole.
We don't want any trouble here.
Rudolph?
Easy, son.
Oi! Sleepy heads!
It's Christmas Eve, early to bed.
Who the hell are you?
Take a guess, go on.
Push the boat out!
Tooth Fairy, maybe?
Easter Bunny?
Shut your mouth, wise guy,
or you get yours!
It's a balloon animal.
That's a toy gun.
Yeah, well, at least it's unsuitable
for children under four!
Parts small enough to swallow.
So watch out.
This is ridiculous.
Am I dreaming? Very good!
I need to know exactly who you are,
and what's happening here.
Hello, Ashley. Lead scientist
on a polar expedition!
That microscope really paid off,
didn't it?
Now, your mum and dad wanted me
to get you a toy one,
but sometimes, I take a chance.
Who are you?
Why are you dressed like... that?
Why do you think?
Come on, this is mental!
This is totally not happening.
I got three words, Shona.
Don't make me use 'em.
What three words?
My. Little. Pony.
Shut up, you!
Yeah? I've got lots more, babe.
I will mark you, Santa!
OK, Doctor, are you going to explain?
What is going on?
It's an invasion, Miss Oswald.
An invasion of what, elves?
THAT is racist. Elfist!
Which is a bit hypocritical,
from someone of your height.
You seen them before, Doctor?
I've heard of them.
The Kantrofarri.
Colloquially known as
the Dream Crabs.
Yeah. Depending on how many of those
are already on Earth,
the human race may well have seen
its last day.
So, are we going to stand about
arguing about
whether I'm real or not, or are we
going to get busy saving Christmas?
Santa goes badass!
He's giving me the feels.
Shut up!
That's a... that's a verbal warning.
Please, stop it.
Is it dead?
I don't know. Possibly.
I'm assuming extra-terrestrial.
Definitely.
Then how can you have heard of
these things? Guess.
Because you're extra-terrestrial,
too? Do you believe that?
If you are Santa... -
..what are you doing here?
It's the North Pole. And I own it.
He means the actual pole.
It goes right through
the middle of the workshop.
I've got a selfie with it!
Show her. Look at Ian!
The North Pole isn't an actual pole.
Of course it is. Look.
If it was an actual pole,
it would not be stripy.
It's got to be stripy!
Otherwise, you couldn't see it
moving round.
It's actually basic physics.
Why's it called a Dream Crab,
for a start? Theorise.
Because it generates
a telepathic field.
And? Alters perception.
Meaning? I seem to be doing
all the work here.
Meaning we can't trust anything
that we see or hear.
Go to the window. Why?
Because it gets worse.
What is that?
That's how Clara and I got here.
In a box?
Technically, in a telephone kiosk.
How?
Because it's a spaceship
in disguise.
You know what the big problem is,
in telling fantasy
and reality apart?
What? They're both ridiculous.
It's Christmas Eve!
Yeah. You don't have to
tell me that.
Then why aren't you out
delivering presents?
Technically I am.
Well, you're not. You're stood right
there. Shona, grow up, love!
Yeah, do the math, baby.
There's not just one Santa
delivery team. How could there be?
There are 526,403,012 children
all expecting presents
before tomorrow morning.
So, that's 22 million children
per hour!
It's impossible! Obviously,
I've got a second sledge.
So we don't know what is real
and what isn't? Exactly.
Are we in danger?
We are well way past danger,
Clara.
If I'm right, and I usually am...
we're dying.
Then how do we stay alive?
I like you. Straight to the point.
I want you to show me how you first
encountered those creatures,
and what happened to those people
in the infirmary.
I notice you all wear mini-cams.
So I assume there is footage.
Is it possible I'm about to work
with someone who might be a dream?
If it helps, so am I.
We have footage on the drives.
I'll see what I can pull up.
Ashley?
What's this polar base for?
Why are you all here?
It's a long story.
What you said about Danny...
Unacceptable.
I know. I had to flood your mind
with random emotion. Random?!
You never told me he was dead.
You said he made it back.
I lied.
I lied, so you'd go home to Gallifrey
instead of fussing about me.
I never found Gallifrey.
I lied.
So you'd stay with Danny.
So we're dying, then? Yes.
Why? Complicated.
How long do we have?
No idea. Just... Doctor,
give me something to do.
Trust nothing.
Accept nothing you see.
Whatever happens,
interrogate everything.
In case it's a lie?
In case it's a lie.
Reindeer can't fly. They just can't.
No, no, they can't.
It's a scientific impossibility.
That is why I feed mine
magic carrots.
You all right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to
talk sense into Beardy-Weirdy.
You don't seem much like
a scientist.
That's a bit rude,
coming from a magician!
Why are you out here?
What brought you to the North Pole?
Long story, isn't it?
You missed the killer question.
Sorry, what?
Beardy-Weirdy. Yeah?
How do you get all
the presents in the sleigh?
It's bigger on the inside.
Doctor?
Sorry, starving.
What am I looking at?
Footage from a week ago. A side
expedition from our main mission.
What is your main mission?
Long story.
Ice cave directly beneath this base.
Now, look at what we found.
Dormant at first.
Until you looked at them too long.
Till you thought about them.
Exactly.
Sleeping. Probably been down there
for centuries.
And it wakes up
when you think about it?
They can detect their own mental
picture in any nearby mind.
That's Bellows' theory.
It's like
it responds to the presence
of any data concerning itself.
That was always the legend.
You think about a Dream Crab,
a Dream Crab is coming for you.
This is where it gets really nasty.
Only now?
OK. Then what?
They're a bit like Facehuggers,
aren't they?
Facehuggers?
You know, Alien.
The horror movie, Alien.
There's a horror movie
called Alien?
That's really offensive. No wonder
everyone keeps invading you.
First, they just slept.
Couple of days, just lying there.
And then they became aggressive?
If we got close enough, yeah.
It would take the Dream Crab
a little while to take control.
Depends how much of
the host brain was...
Was what?
Digested.
Are they still alive under those
things? Depends what you call alive.
Are they suffering? No, no, no.
The Dream Crab
induces a dream state.
Keeps you happy and relaxed,
in a perfectly realised dream world,
as you dissolve.
Merciful, I suppose.
Compared to what?
Compared to that turkey leg
you keep eating.
Could you rewind?
I'd like to see them dormant again.
Clara, could you fetch me
the dead one?
Maybe I could fetch you a cup of tea
while I'm at it!
Yes,
and a punch in the face, too.
My very next suggestion. Fair enough.
Doctor?
What's wrong?
We're thinking about it.
Clara!
100 minus 42 is 58 times 3 is
174 minus 32
is 142 divided by 7 is 20
and, and, and a bit.
Think about something else,
think about something else.
Danny Pink, Danny, Danny.
Danny Pink, I love you and I'll
never see you again, and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I lied. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
Who are you?
What do you mean, who am I?
Who do you think I am?
Danny?
Merry Christmas!
Come on!
Come on where?
Downstairs.
Why?
Well, you know what day it is!
What day is it?
Easter. It's Easter Day.
That's why I'm dressed like this,
I'm Father Easter!
Is that a thing?
No, because it's Christmas!
Well, you've made me
want chocolate now.
Good. Come on, you.
Out of bed, downstairs.
I have surprises.
Tickets for the
Indian Orient Express.
That painting we saw in Paris,
and permission to own a cat.
How did you know?
Because those are exactly
the things I want
and you are too clever
ever to be wrong.
How do you make you clever
into me being clever?
I always protect your ego
from the truth.
Thank you for that!
It's Christmas. Hurry up, then!
Danny?
Whose blackboard is that?
What blackboard?
Are you coming?
Yeah, just a moment...!
Clara?
Coming!
Clara!
Yeah.
Just a minute.
'Dying!'
'Dying!'
'Clara! Clara!'
Well, come on then.
You don't know what I'm wearing
underneath this Santa outfit!
Your pyjamas. You're too shy
to wear less than two layers.
You could have used
your imagination.
Yeah, I generally have to.
'Clara!'
Clara, you're dreaming.
You're dying.
Can you hear me?
Clara?
We did try to waken the others.
No stimulus worked.
OK, we kill it.
We find a way to kill it and we
get it off her. How do we kill it?
There's no way to kill it without
killing your friend, too.
And as a scientist, may I just say,
I don't like the way
you're talking... Santa!
In the infirmary,
you told the sleepers to go to bed,
and they obeyed you.
Sorry, doesn't mean
I can get that creature off her.
But you can get back in there
unharmed.
What?! You're asking Santa for help?
He doesn't exist!
And how would you know that?
How did you become an expert
on what does and doesn't exist?
I can commit several million
housebreaks in one night,
dressed in a red suit
with jingle bells.
So of course I can get back
into the infirmary.
Good. Because there's only one way
that I can communicate with Clara.
Your dad?
Going by the timing, I'd say so.
If you let him anywhere near
the subject of golf,
I will do a thing,
and it will not be a good thing.
Aren't we giving him golf clubs?
And I'm prepared to use them!
Hi.
Hi.
Doctor?
It's not real, Clara.
You know it's not real.
It's a dream, and it's killing you.
Merry Christmas!
You remember Danny, of course.
Not as well as you, clearly.
You've made him a fraction taller.
Merry Christmas, PE.
Compliments of the season, sir!
Dialogue's pretty good, too.
Nice work. It's all in the detail.
Just stop it.
He's not real, Clara.
None of this is real.
What's real is that
there is an alien organism
wrapped around your face,
keeping you warm and happy,
while it eats you.
Mince pie, anyone?
You're dying.
If this is a dream,
how can you be here?
How can we both be having
the same dream?
There was only one way
to get to you.
And what was that? I'm dying, too.
Have we just killed him?
Have we just made it worse?
He thinks he can join the dream,
get her out.
Have a little faith.
You just wake up.
Just leave me here, please.
You have a pain right here.
It's like an ice cream pain, but
gentle. Do you know what that is?
The skin and bone have been parted,
probably half an inch,
and something has pushed right
into the soft tissue of your brain
and is very slowly dissolving it.
I want you to picture it this way.
Somebody has put a straw
right through your skull
and is drinking you.
You should be screaming with agony,
but there's anaesthetic.
Everything around you right now -
even Danny, especially Danny,
that's the anaesthetic.
Why are you doing this?
Why are you saying all that?
Because it's true! How long
do you think you've been here?
All day. No, no, no, no.
Barely five minutes.
Because dream time goes faster.
Because this isn't real.
Danny isn't real.
Danny Pink died saving the world.
I really didn't.
I'm sorry. I thought
there was a way back for him,
but I was wrong,
I can't change that, he's dead.
I didn't die saving the world,
Doctor,
I died saving Clara.
The rest of you just got lucky.
How long has she got?
Minutes, till it's irreversible.
Well, then, get out the way.
I'm a dream
and you know I am, right?
Right, one thing.
But it's important.
It's a very important thing.
That is totally how you guessed
all my presents.
I miss you.
Five minutes. What?
You can miss me
for five minutes a day.
And you'd better do it properly.
You'd better be sad.
I expect my five.
But all the rest of the time,
Clara, all the rest of the time,
every single second,
you just get the hell on with it.
Clear?
Don't you soldier me!
Do as you're told.
Brave.
Dead already.
How does she wake up? I don't know.
Just try.
Accept this isn't real, and try.
Do it. For me.
When I wake up, you won't be there.
Do you know why people get together
at Christmas?
Because every time they do,
it might be the last time.
Every Christmas is last Christmas.
And this is ours.
This was a bonus. This is extra.
But now it's time to wake up.
Argh!
Clara? Clara, look at me,
Clara! Clara!
Breathe, breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So these creatures - when their
feeding goes wrong, they die?
The carnivore's hazard.
Food has teeth too.
You OK?
No.
Good.
There are some things
we should never be OK about.
There doesn't seem to be a wound.
No. And the pain's still there,
isn't it?
Is it the ice cream pain?
Just here? Cos I've got that.
It's the cold, I think.
Some sort of reaction.
But only on one side,
just that spot there.
Doesn't that strike you as odd?
Well, we've all got it.
OK. So why do we all have that pain?
Theorise.
Don't treat me like a beginner!
I was dreaming, then I woke up,
I know that.
Do you? And have you ever woken up
from a dream
and discovered
you're still dreaming?
Dreams within dreams - dream states
nested inside each other.
All perfectly possible. Especially
when we are dealing with creatures
who have weaponised our dreams
against us.
I don't know about anybody else,
but I'm pretty certain
I'm awake right now.
Which is odd,
when you think about it.
Odd?
Impossible, in fact.
How can any of us be awake?
I don't understand.
Remember how we all first met?
In the infirmary?
Come on, quick, quick, come on.
Go! Run, now!
Those creatures coming down
from the ceiling, attacking us.
Here they come!
We never stood a chance.
How did we survive that?
Well, w-we were rescued.
Yeah, we were rescued.
And who was it that rescued us?
No, no, no, I need you to do
the east coast right now.
Well, otherwise you'll be delivering
to the islands in broad daylight.
Yeah, listen...
Please try and remember
that our mugshots are on
every Christmas card.
Yeah, just get it done,
head towards the northern lights.
Yes, I remembered to switch them on!
The Helman-Ziegler test - the only
reliable dream test that I know.
Your base manual. I take it
none of you have memorised this.
I haven't, I haven't read it.
These books should be identical
in the real world.
But as they don't exist
in your memory,
in a dream, they can't be. Agreed?
Clara.
Give me any two-digit number.
57.
All right, all of you, turn to page
57 and look at the very first word.
Right, when I point at you.
Isotope.
Well?
Extremely.
Inside.
Chocolate. Why did I get chocolate,
what's that about?
This can't be right. We must have
got it wrong, that's all.
Well, we'll do it again. Clara?
24. 24.
We.
Are.
All.
Shona?
Dead.
Since the attack in the infirmary,
nothing has been real?
The attack is still going on.
This is it!
We've been dreaming since then?
For Easter's sake!
Of course you've been dreaming!
Haven't you been paying attention?
Rudolph - did you see the nose?
The North Pole?
Come on, with stripes?!
This...
is...
a dream!
How much more obvious do you want me
to make it?
Because I can text the Easter Bunny,
you know.
Seriously? You're trying to help?
As you stand here,
chatting, chatting,
your lives are ending.
Unless you wake up,
unless you free yourselves
from these dreadful creatures,
they're going to destroy you.
You're a dream
who's trying to save us?
Shona, sweetheart, I'm Santa Claus.
I think you just defined me!
This makes perfect sense.
The Dream Crab tries to make
the dream as real as possible
to trap you inside it.
It creates dreams within dreams
so you can never be sure
if you are really awake.
But your brain
knows something is wrong.
Your subconscious fights back.
THIS is your mind,
trying to tell you this isn't real.
So it gives you me.
Sweet Papa Chrimbo!
It gives you comedy elves,
flying reindeer.
Exactly!
A time-travelling scientist
dressed as a magician.
Classic!
No, no, no. Hang on. No, no, no, no.
Living in a phone box.
It's a spaceship in disguise!
You see how none of this
makes any sense?
Shut up, Santa!
I've watched over you
all your lives.
I've taken care of you
from Christmas to Christmas.
But you're not real!
And yet, that never stopped me.
All of you, come near.
Come here, come on! Join hands.
No, look, we don't need all this
touchy-feely stuff. Shut up, Doctor!
Join hands. Come on, concentrate.
Why?
You are deep inside this dream,
all right,
and it is a shared mental state,
so it is drawing power
from the multi-consciousness gestalt
which has now formed
telepathically... No, no, no.
Line in the sand. Santa Claus does
not do the scientific explanation!
All right. As the Doctor might say,
"Aw, it's all a bit dreamy-weamy!"
Why don't you just go
and make a naughty list?
I have, mate, and you're on it!
Don't give me that look.
You're supposed to be warm
and friendly and cheerful!
Look at your great bedside manner!
Don't be so hostile!
Doctor, behave!
This is very sweet. But right now
I have an alien life form
wrapped around my face, and
apparently it's digesting my brain.
When you speak, how do I know
it's not the Dream Crab?
Good question.
Spoken like a scientist.
Can I put it another way?
Why would the part of our brain that
is trying to keep all of us alive
choose you for a face?
Is anyone else asking that?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All of us.
All of us. Why you?
Well...
It's the North Pole,
it's Christmas Day.
You're dying.
Who you gonna call?
Just one last time?
One last Christmas,
as if your lives depended on it.
Please!
Believe in Santa!
I'm not very good
with this holdy-hand thing. Tough.
I WILL hold Clara's hand,
but that's it.
Shona, take his hand.
No, I'm fine, I'm fine.
This is very Christmassy, isn't it?
OK, so what do we...?
Where did he go?
We're waking up.
That part of the dream is over.
We're on our own now.
Well, then. What do we do?
That pain in your head.
Make it worse.
Head towards it.
So when we wake up,
what do we expect?
Only a few moments will have passed
at the most.
The attack is still in progress.
I'm scared.
Congratulations.
That means you're not an idiot.
It's not like the last time.
Last time wasn't real.
Good luck.
Stay calm.
And God bless us, every one.
Run!
Clara!
Doctor!
Out, out, now! NOW!
Everyone all right? Yeah.
Good.
Bye.
Sorry, I'll just go and...
No need for chatting, you'll only
get attached. This isn't Facebook.
What about the Dream Crabs?
They're fine.
And the people that they're eating?
Beyond help.
Doctor, the others
are still in danger.
Only if they're stupid.
There are polar bears
on this ice cap.
Am I supposed to do something
about that, too?
We know Dream Crabs
are still on Earth.
There are lots of dangerous things
on this funny little planet of
yours, Clara, most of which you eat.
I'm the Doctor, not your mam!
Doctor?
If Santa was only in the dream...
why was he on my roof?
Four!
Four patients.
Four manuals.
Hurry!
Do you know what I hate
about the obvious?
What?
Missing it!
As you were, no saluting.
Are you the same people as before?
Of course they are!
Sorry, I deleted you.
Well, that's not
a very nice attitude, is it?
Four manuals, yes?
Yes, why? One each.
One each, yes. What's the problem?
The problem is,
you can't see the problem.
For instance, you, gobby one.
I have a name, actually.
Doesn't matter, I don't need it.
When we first met you in the
infirmary, what were you doing?
It's a long story.
Uptight boss one. What is the
primary mission of this polar base?
It's a long story.
Sexy one - what brings you
to the North Pole at your age?
It's a long... story.
OK. Why are they all
giving the same answer?
Because that is a tiny bit freaky.
You think that's freaky? Try this.
We were in the TARDIS -
why did WE come here?
It's a long story.
Doctor?
Dreams, they're funny.
They're disjointed,
they're silly,
they're full of... gaps.
But you don't notice,
because the dream protects itself.
Stops you asking
the right questions.
For example, why do you have
four manuals, one each,
when you have a crew of eight?
Or did you forget about your friends
in the infirmary here?
But we woke up!
Dreams within dreams, I warned you.
This isn't a dream. I know it isn't.
No-one knows they're not dreaming.
Not one of us. Not ever.
Not for one single moment
of our lives.
Clara?
Page number. Make it a good one.
12.
Very.
Very.
Very.
Dead.
And who's going to be the first
to admit it? Admit what?
That the pain is still there.
Actually, I think it's getting worse.
Yes, there is an alien organism
in your brain, eating it.
Of course it's getting worse.
Doctor?
What are they doing?
Factually, getting up.
Significantly, sensing the endgame.
How? I don't understand.
Well, look at them. Go on.
Look at them. Look at them properly.
Look who they are.
They're you.
The sleepers are you.
How can they be us?
Because we're dreaming, all of us.
This base isn't real. None of us
are actually standing in the room.
I'm probably asleep in my TARDIS.
Clara, you must be in bed.
God knows where the rest of you are,
probably scattered
all over the world.
But wherever you are,
the Dream Crabs have got us,
and we're all being networked
into the same nightmare.
What are they doing?
It's your subconscious again.
The sleepers represent
the part of your mind
that's already surrendered
to the attack.
These are dream images of what's
coming to kill you. That's me!
That's actually me!
No, it's a metaphorical construct
representing a psychic attack
within a shared dreamscape.
Do please keep up.
But it's me! Don't get too close.
Why? Because this is a nightmare.
Look out! They're coming through!
Out! Outside, now!
Run, run, run, run! Run!
Run, run, all of you, go.
Run!
We'll freeze to death out here.
But it's just a dream.
This dream just killed your friend,
start taking it seriously.
Where's Albert?
Where's the professor?
He probably just woke up somewhere
in the real world, dead.
If we don't wake up now, we'll do
the same. But how? I don't know.
The TARDIS! Come on! Come on!
Doctor, it's not the real TARDIS.
Well, let's hope that
I dreamed it really well then.
It's us. Of course it's us.
We're dreaming too.
My God...!
How is that possible?
How can there be so many?!
The logic of a nightmare.
So, tell us how to wake up.
Because you're always talking like
you're so clever, going on and on.
So tell us what to do!
We have to leave this place.
Leave it? How?
Use your imagination.
Excuse me?
Dream yourselves home.
But how?
Come on, it's Christmas,
the North Pole, who you gonna call?
Hyahhh!
Get in the sleigh.
Fortunately, I know
all your home addresses. Hyah!
So, what happens now?
Hyah! This is us
just waking up, right?
Could be. Well, I hope so.
Waking up or... Or?
Just focus on this.
Do you believe in Santa Claus?
I've always believed in Santa Claus.
But he looks a little different
to me.
Look!
You want to
take the reins, Doctor?
You're a dream construct,
currently representing
either my recovering
or expiring mind.
Yes, but do you want a go?
Yeah. All right.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Easy! This way. No, no, no!
Up a bit. Don't stop. There we go.
Look at me. Look... look at me!
Look at me!
I'm riding a sleigh.
I'm riding a sleigh.
Yippee yah-yay!
Maybe you could... Yeah, yeah.
I work in a shop.
I'm sorry?
I thought I was a scientist.
That's rubbish.
Finally, something that makes sense.
You're horrible, you.
Perfume. What?
I'm an account manager for perfume.
Does this mean we're waking up?
Possibly.
With any luck, we'll all wake up
in our proper times and places.
Proper times? Well, we could all be
from different time zones.
Time travel is always possible
in dreams.
We might not know each other?
Not any of us?
No, possibly not.
Well, you know what we should do?
We should swap numbers.
We should have a reunion.
Bellows!
Gran! Dinner's ready.
Yeah, sorry, I must have dozed off.
Now I'm pretty sure
I can remember my number so...
if you memorise it then you text me,
we can go for a curry...
The chances of you remembering
any of this are very slim.
Well, don't say that.
We'll remember, won't we, Ashley?
Ashley?
Am I next? Is it me now? Shona,
you're going home. You're surviving.
Do you want to hang out sometime?
We can just hang out. Sure.
Santa, can I stay a bit longer?
Gross!
It's a pity we have to wake up,
really.
It's not really something
we do every day, is it?
No, no, strictly once a year.
We stay...
we die, Clara.
You're always such a downer, Doctor.
Clara!
You really should be
waking up, too, Clara.
Just a little longer. Why?
Every Christmas is last Christmas.
Hyah!
Clara. Might have known that
you would be the one to sleep in.
OK. I tracked
the psychic signal here.
I'm pretty sure that
I know how to do this now.
One of the advantages
of actually being awake.
So, you just hold still.
I've just got to zap
the neural centres.
OK. There you go.
The Dream Crabs must have got to me
first then found you in my memory.
The others were collateral damage.
Well...
Good to see you properly at last.
How long has it been? Clara...
You know...
about 62 years.
Doctor...
I have missed you very much...
you stupid old man.
I've missed you... too.
These are Christmas hats,
I've seen people use them.
You put them on and absolutely
anything seems funny.
Probably won't work on you.
Probably not. You want to try?
Go on, then.
Can you really see
no difference in me?
Clara Oswald, you will never look
any different to me.
So, how was it then? How was what?
The 62 years that I missed.
How was my life, you mean?
Is there a Mr Clara? No.
But there were plenty of proposals.
They all turned you down though?
I turned them down!
I travelled.
I taught in every country in Europe.
I learned to fly a plane.
Regrets? Hundreds.
I just wish
there were time for a few more.
Yeah, they're always the best part.
Christmas cracker? We should do one.
No-one ever matched up to Danny?
There was one other man.
But that would never have
worked out.
Why not?
He was impossible.
We should do this every Christmas.
Because every Christmas
is last Christmas.
I'm sorry...
I was stupid.
I should have come back earlier.
I wish that I had.
Do you, Doctor?
How much do you wish that?
I'm not still...? Wakey, wakey!
Clara!
Doctor.
Am I young? No idea.
Is that any good?
That's good.
The TARDIS is outside.
So?
So, all of time and all of space...
is sitting out there.
A big blue box. Please...
don't even argue.
Merry Christmas, Doctor.
Merry Christmas, Clara Oswald.
Well, look at you, all happy.
That's rare.
Do you know what's rarer?
Second chances.
I never get a second chance,
so what happened this time?
Don't even know who to thank.