Doctor Who (2005–…): Season 8, Episode 3 - Robot of Sherwood - full transcript
In Sherwood forest, the Doctor finds an evil plan from outer space and makes an alliance with Robin Hood. With Nottingham at stake, the Doctor must decide who is real and who is fake.
- Take a punt.
-CLARA: Right.
Your choice. Wherever, whenever,
anywhere in time and space.
Well, there is something,
Ripped By mstoll
someone that I've always wanted to meet.
- But I know what you'll say.
-Try me.
You'll say he's made-up,
that there is no such thing.
- Go on.
-It's...
It's Robin Hood.
- Robin Hood.
-Yeah!
I love that story. I've always loved it,
ever since I was little...
Robin Hood, the heroic outlaw
who robs from the rich
and gives to the poor.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah!
He's made-up. There's no such thing.
Ah, you see?
Old-fashioned heroes only exist
in old-fashioned storybooks, Clara.
And what about you?
Me?
Yeah, you.
You stop bad things happening
every minute of every day,
that sounds pretty heroic to me.
Just passing the time.
Hey, what about Mars?
- What?
-The Ice Warrior hives!
You said it was my choice.
Or the Tumescent Arrows
of the Half-Light!
- Those girls can hold their drink!
-Doctor...
And fracture 15 different levels
of reality simultaneously.
- I think I've got a Polaroid somewhere.
-Doctor!
My choice. Robin Hood. Show me.
Very well.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Earth. England.
Sherwood Forest.
1190 AD...
-(CLICKS BUTTON)
-...ish.
But you'll only be disappointed.
(WHOOSHING)
No damsels in distress,
no pretty castles,
no such thing as Robin Hood.
ROBIN: You called?
(DOCTOR WHO THEME)
Very, very nicely done
with the box, sir.
I saw a Turk perform something
very similar at Nottingham Fayre.
It's a trick with mirrors, no doubt?
- A trick?
-A... A good jest. Ha-ha!
This is not a trick, this is a Tardis.
Whatever it is, you bony rascal,
I'm afraid I must relieve you of it.
It's my property, that's what it is.
Well, don't you know all property
is theft to Robin Hood?
You're not serious.
I'm many things, sir,
but I'm never that.
Robin Hood laughs in the face of all.
Ha-ha-ha!
And do people ever punch you
in the face when you do that?
- Not as yet.
-Lucky I'm here then, isn't it?
Might be a...a little bit much
but whoo! What do you reckon, Doctor?
By all the saints!
Are there any more in there?
- Is that...
-No.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! It is, isn't it?
Oh, you found him.
You actually found Robin Hood.
That is not Robin Hood.
Well, then who, sir, is about
to relieve you of your magic box?
Nobody, sir.
Not in this universe or the next.
Well, then draw your sword
and prove your words.
I have no sword.
I don't need a sword.
Because I am the Doctor.
And this is my spoon!
En garde!
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
Ow!
- You're amazing!
-DOCTOR: I've had some experience.
Richard the Lionheart!
Cyrano de Bergerac!
Errol Flynn! He had the most enormous...
-(CLEARS THROAT)
-...ego!
Takes one to know one.
Oh...you!
(GRUNTS)
Doctor!
Like I said,
my box.
Doctor?
Ahh!
In the name of all that's holy,
take our money, take our treasure,
but spare my ward!
- Do not fuss, all will be well.
-This is the Sheriff's doing!
If he were here now,
I'd tear out his black heart!
Would you, now?
(GIRL SCREAMING)
Or are you as milk-livered as your
name suggests, Master Quayle?
QUAYLE: Take me! Spare this dear child!
Take you?
A lardy lack-wit like you?
It's labour we require up at the castle.
Labour and gold, not old men
and their worthless baubles.
This will be a great help,
Master Quayle, believe me.
Newcomer to Sherwood, are we?
Yes, my lord.
You may also prove useful. Bring her.
QUAYLE: Your days are numbered, you cur!
You shall live to regret that.
Actually, no.
- You won't.
-(GRUNTS)
No!
No! (SOBBING)
Let me introduce you to my men.
This is Will Scarlett.
He is a cheeky rogue with a good
sword arm and a slippery tongue.
My lady.
Argh! What do you want with my hair?
Well, it's realistic,
I'll give you that.
And this is Friar Tuck.
Aptly named for the amount of grub
he tucks into!
You skinny blackguard!
- Ooh! What are you doing?
-This isn't a real sandal!
Yes, it is.
Oh, yes, it is.
This, uh, is Alan-a-Dale.
He's a master of the lute,
whose music brightens up
these dark days.
# The stranger you are welcome here
♪ In Sherwood's bonny glade... ♪
Ow!
Sorry, sorry. Blood analysis.
Oh! All those diseases!
If you were real,
you'd be dead in six months.
I am real.
Bye.
And this is john Little.
Called Little john.
He's my loyal companion
in many an adventure.
- Oh!
-(LAUGHING)
Works every time!
Oh, I cannot believe this!
You... You really are Robin Hood
and his Merry Men!
Aye! That is an apt description.
- Ha! What say you, lads?
-ALL: Aye!
Stop laughing!
Why are you always doing that?
Are you all simple or something?
- I'm going to need a sample.
-Of what?
(CLARA CLEARS THROAT)
Excuse me. Sorry.
(CLEARS THROAT) What are you doing?
Well, they're not holograms,
that much is obvious.
Could be a theme park from the future.
- Or we might be inside a miniscope.
-Oh, shut up.
A miniscope! Yes, of course! Why not?
Your friend seems not quite
of the real world.
No. No, he's not, really,
not most of the time.
Dark days?
My lady?
You said that these were dark days,
what did you mean?
King Richard is away on crusade,
my lady.
His tyrant of a brother rules instead.
And the sheriff?
'Cause there is a sheriff, right?
Aye. It is indeed this jackal
of the princes
who seeks to oppress us forevermore.
Or six months, in your case.
It is a shame to dwell on murky thoughts
when there is such beauty here.
Why are you so sad?
Why do you think me sad?
Because the Doctor's right.
You laugh too much.
You know, I do not live this outlaw life
by choice.
You see before you Robert...
- Earl of Lox...
-Earl of Loxley.
- Yes.
Sorry, do go on.
I, um...
I had my lands and titles
stripped from me.
I dared to speak out
against Prince john.
But I lost the thing most dear to me.
What was she called?
You're so very quick.
- How does the Doctor stand it?
-Marian?
- You know her?
-Oh, yes.
I have always known her.
It was Marian who told me that
I must stand up and be counted.
But I was afraid.
Now this green canopy is my palace
and the rough ground my featherbed.
And maybe one day I will return home
but until that day...
Until that day, it is beholden on me
to be the man Marian wanted,
to be a hero for those
this tyrant sheriff slaughters.
What time is it, Mr Hood?
Ah, somewhat after noon.
No, no. Time of year. What season?
Oh, Dame Autumn has draped her
mellow skirts about the forest, Doctor.
The time of mists
and harvest approaches...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All very poetic.
But it's very green hereabouts,
though, isn't it?
And like I said, very sunny.
- So?
-Have you been to Nottingham?
Climate change?
It's 1190.
You must excuse me.
The Sheriff has issued a proclamation
and tomorrow there is to be a contest
to find the best archer in the land.
And the bounty...
It's an arrow made of pure gold.
No! Don't... Don't go! It's a trap.
Well, of course it is!
But a contest to find the best
archer in the land?
There is no contest.
(ALL LAUGHING LOUDLY)
Right, that isn't even funny.
That was bantering.
lam totally against bantering.
How can you be so sure
he's not the real thing?
Because he can't be.
When did you stop
believing in everything?
When did you start believing in
impossible heroes?
Don't you know?
In a way, it's rather sweet.
(SCANNER HUMMING)
In the contest for the golden arrow,
after 10 rounds, the battle is betwixt
our lord Sheriff...
(CROWD CHEERING)
...and the stranger
known as Tom the Tinker!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Perhaps not such a stranger after all.
HERALD: Take your places!
Shall we make the contest
a little more interesting, my lord?
The targets seem a little close.
What say you?
Another 20 paces?
Why not?
(CROWD SHOUTING ENCOURAGEMENT)
(CROWD GASPS)
Now, Tinker. Let us see thy true face.
Whoo!
HERALD: Ye gads! He has split the arrow!
Truly, he is the finest archer
in all England!
Come forward, Tinker,
and claim your prize.
(CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
(CROWD GASPS)
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
He's full of surprises, isn't he?
I'm the Doctor.
My skills as a bowman
speak for themselves.
I claim my reward.
A mere bauble.
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
- I want something else.
-Name it.
Enlightenment.
This is getting silly.
(SONIC SCREWDRIVER HUMMING)
Fascinating. Seize him!
Ahhh!
What are you doing? Put that down!
I'm fine! I take Year 7
for after-school tae kwon do.
Don't worry, Doctor! I'll save you!
- I don't need saving!
-Your honour is safe.
- I know!
-For I am Robin!
- ALL: Hooray!
-Robin Hood!
(CHEERING)
(CROWD GASPS)
Robot!
Now we're getting somewhere!
Take them!
Kill the rest!
SHERIFF: Kill them all!
(CROWD SCREAMING)
- He surrenders!
-What?
Hail
ROBIN: You miserable cur!
I had them on the run!
Flee, lads, flee!
Live to fight another day!
Come on!
To the dungeons with all of them!
What are you up to?
Quickest way to find out
anybody's plans.
Get yourself captured.
(PEOPLE CRYING OUT)
(GROANING)
Here, let me help you.
Thank you, lady.
What are you? Gargoyle, what are you?
Leave it.
He only needs to rest.
We all need to rest.
Analysis shows
that peasant creature is spent.
No, no. Please.
Usefulness expired.
No. No!
No!
Damn you!
Damn you and that villain the Sheriff!
(SOBBING)
Splendid! Enchained!
Yep.
Trussed up like turkey-cocks!
Thanks to your friend.
Shut it, Hoodie.
I saved your life.
I had the situation well in hand.
Long-haired ninny versus
robot killer knights?
I know where I'd put my money.
If you had not betrayed me,
I would have been triumphant.
You would have been a little
puff of smoke and ashes!
- Ha!
-You'd have been floating around
in tiny little laughing bits
in people's goblets.
Balderdash! Ha!
Oh, right, here we go,
it's laughing time!
Well, you amuse me, grey old man!
Guard! He's laughing again!
You can't keep me locked up
with a laughing person!
Oh, I find that...
I find that quite funny.
Do you know, I feel another laugh
coming on. Aha-ha-ha!
Guard, I cannot remain in this cell!
- Execute me now!
-You heard him. Execute the old fool!
No, no, hang on, execute him!
I do not fear death, so execute away!
Execute him! I'd like to see if his head
keeps laughing
when you chop it oh?
Oh, Robin Hood always laughs
in the face of death.
Yes, rolling around the floor laughing,
I would pay good money to see that!
- Guard!
-Guard!
Will you two shut up!
Do either of you understand
in any way at all
that there isn't actually
a guard out there?
Oh.
I did, in fact.
No, you didn't.
I said shut up.
The Doctor and Robin Hood
locked up in a cellar.
Is this seriously the best
that you can do?
You're determined to starve to death
in here, squabbling.
Well, I'll tell you one thing.
I'd last a lot longer
than this desiccated man-crone.
(SNIGGERS)
- Really?
-Really.
Well, you know what?
I think you'll find
I have a certain genetic advantage. Oh!
- Oh!
-It is not a competition
about who can die slower.
It would definitely be me,
though, wouldn't it?
There was supposed to be a plan.
Do either of you two have a plan?
Yeah, of course I have a plan.
I, too, have a plan.
Okay, Robin, you first.
- Why him?
-Doctor, shut up.
Robin, your plan.
lam...
biding my time.
Thank you, Prince of Thieves.
Last of the Time Lords?
Yes, I have a plan.
Can you explain your plan without using
the word "sonic screwdriver"?
Because you might have forgotten
the Sheriff of Nottingham
has taken your screwdriver, just saying.
It's always the screwdriver.
Okay, well,
let's hear Robin's plan first.
- For God's sake!
-(DOOR OPENING)
See? There was a guard.
There was guard listening
the whole time, I knew it.
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
The Sheriff himself
commanded me to listen,
to find out which of you
is the true ringleader.
Ah, so he can do the interrogating.
Very wise.
Excellent. He will get nothing from me!
No, no, no. He will get nothing from me,
because interrogation, that's where
I always turn the tables.
You see, that's my plan.
Just hurry up and take me to him.
No, no, chop-chop, come on!
Seriously?
-Come on.
No.
ROBIN: What are you doing?
Don't be ridiculous!
(DOOR CLOSING)
(DOOR LOCKING)
(CROWD MURMURING)
'Tis a thing of beauty indeed.
Hmm!
And will feed a family for a
twelvemonth, when melted down.
Tonight we rest.
Tomorrow we must draw up plans
to rescue Robin.
We shall soon see
how those Mechanicals feel
about the taste of Nottingham steel!
Lord forgive me.
Strange, though, is it not?
What?
All this looting
that the Sheriff is doing.
And yet 'tis only ever gold
that he takes.
Pearls, rubies, all the precious
jewels of the realm
seem no consequence to him.
Only gold.
# Poor Robin and the stranger lay
# In the dungeon all the live-long day
♪ The Merry Men might pine away
♪ Upon a Sherwood morning ♪
(GROANING)
Eat, my lady, eat. Hmm?
Let it not be said that the Sheriff
of Nottingham is a poor host.
I had a bag of crisps
this morning, thanks.
Your words are strange, fair one.
Hmm, I should think they are.
But I like you. You're refreshingly...
direct.
You can take the girl
out of Blackpool...
Taken from your friend's strange tunic,
an intriguing gallimaufry.
Including this wand.
Evidently a thing of awesome power.
Tell me,
are you from beyond the stars?
You're the one with the robot army,
you tell me.
- I'm sorry?
-No.
Beat your breast, moan, groan as though
20 devils possessed your guts.
What for?
So as to attract the attention
of that gargoyle-faced guard.
It's your plan, you moan.
- No, no, no, it won't work.
-Why?
Uh, because you're clearly
more advanced in years
and you have a sickly aspect to you.
I have a what?
You're as pale as milk.
It's the way with Scots,
they're strangers to vegetables.
I'm not moaning. You moan.
Fine. If you want something doing...
(GROANING LOUDLY)
- Can I rely upon you to do the rest?
- Yes, yes, I know the drill.
What is this din?
No business of yours, cur!
Speak up! I can't hear you.
- What ails him?
-None of your business.
(GROANING CONTINUES)
I said, what ails him?
Well, if you must know,
he's having a nervous breakdown.
A what?
He's like this
whenever he's in any kind of danger.
He just can't seem to cope,
he gets so afraid.
He goes into a kind of fit.
I honestly believe that he may die
of sheer fright
like some tiny, shivering little mouse.
(GROANING)
Oh, God, I think he's soiled himself.
Let him die. It'll save us
the trouble of executing him.
And what will happen to the reward?
(MOANING)
Reward?
DOCTOR: Oh, God,
I shouldn't have said that.
Tell me!
He carries a vital message.
The Prince has promised a bounty!
- A big one?
-An enormous one.
What's that?
Say again?
(FAINTLY) Come close, come close.
Your breath stinks Like a serpent,
has anyone ever told you that?
(GRUNTS)
Soiled myself!
Did you? That's getting into character.
Okay, keys!
- I'll get them.
-No, no. I'll get them.
- I will get them
-I'll get them.
- I've got them!
-I'm fine. No, no worries!
- I've got them!
-I'll get...
- Ah!
-(KEYS CLANGING)
(KEYS SPLASHING IN WATER)
- Well, there is a bright side.
-Which is?
Clara didn't see that.
(SIGHS)
But enough of tawdry matters.
Let us talk of softer,
sweeter things.
Ah! Good, yes, I was hoping
we'd get round to that.
- You were?
-Mmm.
For I have known
I was destined to draw the eye
of a great and powerful man
for a long time,
ever since I saw those mysterious
lights in the sky.
You saw them, too?
And those strange mechanical men,
with their promises.
- I, too, have experienced this.
-Really?
Well, I would never have guessed.
Tell me your story.
- Tell me yours.
-Oh, no, no, no.
But you have to go first.
Why so?
Because great men always precede.
You have a point.
Your story, then.
Once upon a time, there was a brave
and clever and handsome man...
I can almost picture him.
I don't even have to close my eyes.
...unappreciated by his royal master.
Prince john?
The very same.
Then came the lights in the sky
and everything changed?
The skyship came to Earth
in a fury of fire!
I'd almost call it a crash.
I remember it well.
A craft from the heavenly spheres,
bedight with twinkling lights
and miracles beyond imagining!
The most beautiful thing the brave
and handsome man had ever seen.
And I suppose the mechanical men
saw you as their natural leader?
It was I and I alone
to whom the mechanical men
within imparted their secrets.
Shortly, I shall be the most
powerful man in the realm.
King in all but name,
for Nottingham is not enough.
- It isn't?
-After this...
- Derby!
-Right.
Then...
Lincoln.
- And after Lincoln...
-Worksop?
The world!
- Now what?
-First, a blacksmith's forge.
So as to remove our chains? (GRUNTS)
No.
So I can knock up
an ornamental plant stand.
Of course it's so we can get rid
of our chains!
I don't want to be manacled
to you all night.
(LAUGHING)
Oh, no, please. Please, don't do that!
-"Ornamental plant stand".
-It's not even that funny!
- You're an amusing fellow, Doctor!
-Oh, don't! Can you just stop?
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
You'll give yourself a hernia!
So what are you hanging around here for,
then, Your Majesty?
Why are you bothering to squeeze
pips out of peasants
if you've got a skyship on standby?
Enough questions.
I'm impatient to hear your story.
Oh, but I do not have one.
I was lying.
- Lying?
-Yeah.
People are so much better
at sharing information
if they think the other person
has already got it.
- Oh, that's very clever.
-Thank you.
You'll do very well.
For what?
Doesn't every king
require a consort?
Right, you do that again
and you'll regret that.
At last, something real.
No more fairy tales.
What is this place?
A spaceship.
More 29th century than 12th.
Data banks, data banks, data banks!
Where was this ship headed?
The Promised Land again.
Like the Half-Face Man
but more sophisticated.
It disguised itself
as a 12th-century castle,
emerges into the culture,
tries to keep a low profile,
so no one notices.
That explains the robot knights.
But the engines...
The engines are damaged.
They're leaking radiation
into the local atmosphere,
creating a temporary climate
of staggering benevolence.
- I beg pardon?
-Told you.
It's too sunny.
It's too green.
And there is even an evil sheriff
to oppress the locals.
- This explains everything, even you.
-It does?
Well, what does every oppressed
peasant workforce need?
The illusion of hope.
Some silly story to get them
through the day,
lull them into docility
and keep them working.
Ship's data banks.
Full of every myth and legend
you could hope for, including...
Robin Hood.
(COMPUTER BEEPS)
Isn't it time you came clean with me?
You're not real and you know it!
Look at you, perfect eyes,
perfect teeth.
Nobody has a jawline like that!
You're as much a part of what is
happening here as the Sheriff
and his metal knights. You're a robot.
You dare to accuse me of collusion
with that villain, the Sheriff?
- I dare!
-You false-tongued knave!
I should have skewered you
when I had the chance!
I would like to see you try!
(ENGINE POWERING UP)
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
- Surrender, outlaw!
-Very good.
Kill him. Kill Robin Hood!
You can drop
all that stuff now, Sheriff.
- Doctor?
-He is not what you think he is.
This is all play-acting.
We can’t just let them kill him!
DOCTOR: You're not fooling
anyone, Sheriff.
(SCREAMING)
What the hell are you doing?
- Surviving.
-No!
No! Clara!
Yeah, sorry about the girl,
such a pretty thing.
What a queen she would have made.
Stop pretending.
You and your fancy robots.
I get it, I understand.
Oh, so you too know my plans?
You and your robots
plundering the surrounding
countryside for all it's worth.
Gold.
Gold! Of course!
Gold! You are creating a matrix of
gold to repair the engine circuitry.
This is the scheme
the Mechanicals have devised.
Soon this skyship will depart.
Destination, London.
There, I will obliterate the King
and take my rightful place
as ruler of this sceptred isle!
It won't work. There's not a chance.
I've seen the instruments.
There's been too much damage.
You are stoking up a gigantic bomb!
(CLANGING)
COMPUTER: Engine capacity at 48%.
(MEN GROANING)
Engine capacity at 48%.
It's not enough. That's not enough.
It'll never make orbit.
(EXPLOSION)
That's the engines, building in power.
Stupid, stupid Sheriff!
Agh! Go on, give...
Give, you stupid things!
What are you looking at?
Hi.
The time for games is over.
I think I understand you.
The Sheriff's using the gold
to replace something?
That's the principle.
But he's a moron.
If he tries to fly his ship,
it'll explode and wipe out
half the country.
What we need is a little riot.
Time to reflect on lasers and gold.
Spread the word.
You will tell me everything
this Doctor knows
about Robin Hood and his Merry Men.
What is this?
Why are you interrogating me?
And then, you will tell me
exactly who this Doctor is
and what are his plans.
ROBOT: You are fit for labour.
Stand aside while this peasant unit
is freed.
I'm afraid you're a little late.
Explain.
I'm already free!
Mine!
Mine.
Mine.
COMPUTER: Engine capacity at 75%.
(BEEPING)
What?
Who will rid me
of this turbulent Doctor?
Come.
(SCREAMING)
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
Ahhh!
Everyone, the last one!
Out, out, out!
Everyone, quickly, get out!
DOCTOR: Quickly!
You've saved us all, clever one.
Thank you.
COMPUTER: Engine capacity at 82%.
You are indeed
an ingenious fellow, Doctor.
But do you really think
your peasants revolt can stop me?
I rather think
you're the revolting one around here.
Bantering, I'm bantering. Listen to me!
You don't have enough gold content
to seal the engine breach.
If you try and take off,
you'll wipe out half of England.
Liar!
From my sky vessel,
I shall rule omnipotent.
You pudding-headed primitive,
shut down the engines.
What you're doing
will alter the course of history.
I sincerely hope so
or I wouldn't be bothering.
Listen to me!
It doesn't have to end like this.
Shut it all down, return Clara to me
and I'll do what I can.
I don't have Clara.
Robin's one of yours!
What did you say?
He's one of your tin-headed puppets,
just Like these brutes here.
Robin Hood is not one of mine.
Of course he is. He's a robot,
created by your mechanical mates.
Why would they do that?
To pacify the locals,
give them false hope.
He's the opiate of the masses.
Why would we create an enemy
to fight us?
What sense would that make?
That would be a terrible idea.
Yes! Yes, it would!
Wouldn't it?
Yes, that would be a rubbish idea.
Why would you do that?
But he can't be... He's not real.
He's a legend!
Too kind!
And this legend does not come alone.
Hiya!
- You all right?
-Hell, yeah.
Good!
ROBIN: My men have taken the castle.
- No!
-ROBIN: Now I am going to take you.
This one's all mine!
(ROBOTS POWERING DOWN)
What do you say, outlaw?
A final reckoning?
Oh, yes.
- Are you okay?
-Fine, yeah.
Good. We don't have long.
(GRUNTING)
I shall avenge every slight, outlaw!
- Doctor...
-I know. The whole castle's
about to blow.
You have long been a thorn in my side.
Well, everyone should have a hobby.
Mine's annoying you.
I'll have you boiled in oil
at the castle by sunset.
Can we make it a little earlier?
'Cause that's a little past my bedtime!
I'm too much for you, outlaw!
The first of a new breed.
Half man, half engine!
Never ageing...
Never tiring...
Are you still talking?
Bow down before your new king,
you prince of knaves!
(SCREAMING)
(SPLASHING)
(SIGHS)
Sorry. Was that...
Was that showing off?
- That was amazing!
-(EXPLOSION)
Run! Come on, run!
(EXPLOSION)
It's never going to make it.
Not enough gold.
It'll never make it into orbit.
- Where is it? Where did it go?
-Where did what go?
- The golden arrow!
-Tuck!
- You took it?
-Of course we did. We're robbers.
I love you boys!
CLARA: Doctor, what are you suggesting?
Golden arrow.
It might just be enough gold content
to get the ship into orbit
and out of harm's way.
Well, it has to be you.
My arm is injured.
You're good at this! I saw you!
You won the tournament!
I cheated.
I made a special arrow
with a homing device.
Oh, brilliant! Right, let me have a go.
You? You do tae kwon do!
That's not the same thing as this!
My friends.
Surely, we can manage it together?
COMPUTER: Engine capacity at 83%.
ROBOT: Insufficient power to achieve
escape velocity.
Maximum power surge.
COMPUTER: Engines critical.
Engines critical.
Engines crit...
(CHEERING)
# One awful day in Nottingham
# Brave Robin Hood was in a jam
♪ The arrow flew with true... ♪
Give it a rest, Alan.
Give me my lute!
(ALL LAUGHING)
Still not keen on the laughing thing?
- No, no, no, no.
-(GIGGLES)
Whoa-hoe!
Ah!
lam going to miss you.
- You're very naughty.
-Oh, I know.
Whoever he is...
he is a very lucky man.
Marian is very lucky, too.
- I fear not.
-Don't give up.
Not ever, not for one single day.
Be safe, if you can be.
But always be amazing.
Hmm!
Goodbye, Robin Hood.
Goodbye, Clara Oswald.
So, is it true, Doctor?
Is what true?
That in the future
lam forgotten as a real man?
I am but a legend?
I'm afraid it is.
Hmm.
Good. History is a burden.
Stories can make us fly.
I'm still having a little trouble
believing yours, I'm afraid.
Is it so hard to credit?
That a man born into wealth
and privilege
should find the plight of the oppressed
and weak too much to bear?
- No...
-Until one night,
he is moved to steal a Tardis?
Fly among the stars,
fighting the good fight?
Clara told me your stories.
She should not have told you
any of that.
Well...
Well, once the story started,
she could hardly stop herself.
You are her hero, I think.
I'm not a hero.
Well, neither am I.
But if we both keep pretending to be...
Ha-ha!
Perhaps others will be
heroes in our name.
Perhaps we will both be stories.
And may those stories never end.
Goodbye, Doctor,
Time Lord of Gallifrey.
Goodbye, Robin Hood, Earl of Loxley.
And remember, Doctor...
I'm just as real as you are.
Admit it.
You like him.
Well, I'm leaving him a present,
aren't I?
(TARDIS WHOOSHING)
Robin?
I've found you at last.
Marian? Marian!
Ah!
Ha-ha-ha!
Thank you! Thank you, Doctor!
Ha-ha-ha!
DOCTOR: What's that in the mirror
or the comer of your eye?
What's that footstep following
but never passing by?
Perhaps they're all just waiting,
perhaps when we 're all dead,
out they'll come a-slithering
from underneath the bed.
(DOCTOR WHO THEME)
Ripped By mstoll
-CLARA: Right.
Your choice. Wherever, whenever,
anywhere in time and space.
Well, there is something,
Ripped By mstoll
someone that I've always wanted to meet.
- But I know what you'll say.
-Try me.
You'll say he's made-up,
that there is no such thing.
- Go on.
-It's...
It's Robin Hood.
- Robin Hood.
-Yeah!
I love that story. I've always loved it,
ever since I was little...
Robin Hood, the heroic outlaw
who robs from the rich
and gives to the poor.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah!
He's made-up. There's no such thing.
Ah, you see?
Old-fashioned heroes only exist
in old-fashioned storybooks, Clara.
And what about you?
Me?
Yeah, you.
You stop bad things happening
every minute of every day,
that sounds pretty heroic to me.
Just passing the time.
Hey, what about Mars?
- What?
-The Ice Warrior hives!
You said it was my choice.
Or the Tumescent Arrows
of the Half-Light!
- Those girls can hold their drink!
-Doctor...
And fracture 15 different levels
of reality simultaneously.
- I think I've got a Polaroid somewhere.
-Doctor!
My choice. Robin Hood. Show me.
Very well.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Earth. England.
Sherwood Forest.
1190 AD...
-(CLICKS BUTTON)
-...ish.
But you'll only be disappointed.
(WHOOSHING)
No damsels in distress,
no pretty castles,
no such thing as Robin Hood.
ROBIN: You called?
(DOCTOR WHO THEME)
Very, very nicely done
with the box, sir.
I saw a Turk perform something
very similar at Nottingham Fayre.
It's a trick with mirrors, no doubt?
- A trick?
-A... A good jest. Ha-ha!
This is not a trick, this is a Tardis.
Whatever it is, you bony rascal,
I'm afraid I must relieve you of it.
It's my property, that's what it is.
Well, don't you know all property
is theft to Robin Hood?
You're not serious.
I'm many things, sir,
but I'm never that.
Robin Hood laughs in the face of all.
Ha-ha-ha!
And do people ever punch you
in the face when you do that?
- Not as yet.
-Lucky I'm here then, isn't it?
Might be a...a little bit much
but whoo! What do you reckon, Doctor?
By all the saints!
Are there any more in there?
- Is that...
-No.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! It is, isn't it?
Oh, you found him.
You actually found Robin Hood.
That is not Robin Hood.
Well, then who, sir, is about
to relieve you of your magic box?
Nobody, sir.
Not in this universe or the next.
Well, then draw your sword
and prove your words.
I have no sword.
I don't need a sword.
Because I am the Doctor.
And this is my spoon!
En garde!
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
Ow!
- You're amazing!
-DOCTOR: I've had some experience.
Richard the Lionheart!
Cyrano de Bergerac!
Errol Flynn! He had the most enormous...
-(CLEARS THROAT)
-...ego!
Takes one to know one.
Oh...you!
(GRUNTS)
Doctor!
Like I said,
my box.
Doctor?
Ahh!
In the name of all that's holy,
take our money, take our treasure,
but spare my ward!
- Do not fuss, all will be well.
-This is the Sheriff's doing!
If he were here now,
I'd tear out his black heart!
Would you, now?
(GIRL SCREAMING)
Or are you as milk-livered as your
name suggests, Master Quayle?
QUAYLE: Take me! Spare this dear child!
Take you?
A lardy lack-wit like you?
It's labour we require up at the castle.
Labour and gold, not old men
and their worthless baubles.
This will be a great help,
Master Quayle, believe me.
Newcomer to Sherwood, are we?
Yes, my lord.
You may also prove useful. Bring her.
QUAYLE: Your days are numbered, you cur!
You shall live to regret that.
Actually, no.
- You won't.
-(GRUNTS)
No!
No! (SOBBING)
Let me introduce you to my men.
This is Will Scarlett.
He is a cheeky rogue with a good
sword arm and a slippery tongue.
My lady.
Argh! What do you want with my hair?
Well, it's realistic,
I'll give you that.
And this is Friar Tuck.
Aptly named for the amount of grub
he tucks into!
You skinny blackguard!
- Ooh! What are you doing?
-This isn't a real sandal!
Yes, it is.
Oh, yes, it is.
This, uh, is Alan-a-Dale.
He's a master of the lute,
whose music brightens up
these dark days.
# The stranger you are welcome here
♪ In Sherwood's bonny glade... ♪
Ow!
Sorry, sorry. Blood analysis.
Oh! All those diseases!
If you were real,
you'd be dead in six months.
I am real.
Bye.
And this is john Little.
Called Little john.
He's my loyal companion
in many an adventure.
- Oh!
-(LAUGHING)
Works every time!
Oh, I cannot believe this!
You... You really are Robin Hood
and his Merry Men!
Aye! That is an apt description.
- Ha! What say you, lads?
-ALL: Aye!
Stop laughing!
Why are you always doing that?
Are you all simple or something?
- I'm going to need a sample.
-Of what?
(CLARA CLEARS THROAT)
Excuse me. Sorry.
(CLEARS THROAT) What are you doing?
Well, they're not holograms,
that much is obvious.
Could be a theme park from the future.
- Or we might be inside a miniscope.
-Oh, shut up.
A miniscope! Yes, of course! Why not?
Your friend seems not quite
of the real world.
No. No, he's not, really,
not most of the time.
Dark days?
My lady?
You said that these were dark days,
what did you mean?
King Richard is away on crusade,
my lady.
His tyrant of a brother rules instead.
And the sheriff?
'Cause there is a sheriff, right?
Aye. It is indeed this jackal
of the princes
who seeks to oppress us forevermore.
Or six months, in your case.
It is a shame to dwell on murky thoughts
when there is such beauty here.
Why are you so sad?
Why do you think me sad?
Because the Doctor's right.
You laugh too much.
You know, I do not live this outlaw life
by choice.
You see before you Robert...
- Earl of Lox...
-Earl of Loxley.
- Yes.
Sorry, do go on.
I, um...
I had my lands and titles
stripped from me.
I dared to speak out
against Prince john.
But I lost the thing most dear to me.
What was she called?
You're so very quick.
- How does the Doctor stand it?
-Marian?
- You know her?
-Oh, yes.
I have always known her.
It was Marian who told me that
I must stand up and be counted.
But I was afraid.
Now this green canopy is my palace
and the rough ground my featherbed.
And maybe one day I will return home
but until that day...
Until that day, it is beholden on me
to be the man Marian wanted,
to be a hero for those
this tyrant sheriff slaughters.
What time is it, Mr Hood?
Ah, somewhat after noon.
No, no. Time of year. What season?
Oh, Dame Autumn has draped her
mellow skirts about the forest, Doctor.
The time of mists
and harvest approaches...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All very poetic.
But it's very green hereabouts,
though, isn't it?
And like I said, very sunny.
- So?
-Have you been to Nottingham?
Climate change?
It's 1190.
You must excuse me.
The Sheriff has issued a proclamation
and tomorrow there is to be a contest
to find the best archer in the land.
And the bounty...
It's an arrow made of pure gold.
No! Don't... Don't go! It's a trap.
Well, of course it is!
But a contest to find the best
archer in the land?
There is no contest.
(ALL LAUGHING LOUDLY)
Right, that isn't even funny.
That was bantering.
lam totally against bantering.
How can you be so sure
he's not the real thing?
Because he can't be.
When did you stop
believing in everything?
When did you start believing in
impossible heroes?
Don't you know?
In a way, it's rather sweet.
(SCANNER HUMMING)
In the contest for the golden arrow,
after 10 rounds, the battle is betwixt
our lord Sheriff...
(CROWD CHEERING)
...and the stranger
known as Tom the Tinker!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Perhaps not such a stranger after all.
HERALD: Take your places!
Shall we make the contest
a little more interesting, my lord?
The targets seem a little close.
What say you?
Another 20 paces?
Why not?
(CROWD SHOUTING ENCOURAGEMENT)
(CROWD GASPS)
Now, Tinker. Let us see thy true face.
Whoo!
HERALD: Ye gads! He has split the arrow!
Truly, he is the finest archer
in all England!
Come forward, Tinker,
and claim your prize.
(CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
(CROWD GASPS)
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
He's full of surprises, isn't he?
I'm the Doctor.
My skills as a bowman
speak for themselves.
I claim my reward.
A mere bauble.
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
- I want something else.
-Name it.
Enlightenment.
This is getting silly.
(SONIC SCREWDRIVER HUMMING)
Fascinating. Seize him!
Ahhh!
What are you doing? Put that down!
I'm fine! I take Year 7
for after-school tae kwon do.
Don't worry, Doctor! I'll save you!
- I don't need saving!
-Your honour is safe.
- I know!
-For I am Robin!
- ALL: Hooray!
-Robin Hood!
(CHEERING)
(CROWD GASPS)
Robot!
Now we're getting somewhere!
Take them!
Kill the rest!
SHERIFF: Kill them all!
(CROWD SCREAMING)
- He surrenders!
-What?
Hail
ROBIN: You miserable cur!
I had them on the run!
Flee, lads, flee!
Live to fight another day!
Come on!
To the dungeons with all of them!
What are you up to?
Quickest way to find out
anybody's plans.
Get yourself captured.
(PEOPLE CRYING OUT)
(GROANING)
Here, let me help you.
Thank you, lady.
What are you? Gargoyle, what are you?
Leave it.
He only needs to rest.
We all need to rest.
Analysis shows
that peasant creature is spent.
No, no. Please.
Usefulness expired.
No. No!
No!
Damn you!
Damn you and that villain the Sheriff!
(SOBBING)
Splendid! Enchained!
Yep.
Trussed up like turkey-cocks!
Thanks to your friend.
Shut it, Hoodie.
I saved your life.
I had the situation well in hand.
Long-haired ninny versus
robot killer knights?
I know where I'd put my money.
If you had not betrayed me,
I would have been triumphant.
You would have been a little
puff of smoke and ashes!
- Ha!
-You'd have been floating around
in tiny little laughing bits
in people's goblets.
Balderdash! Ha!
Oh, right, here we go,
it's laughing time!
Well, you amuse me, grey old man!
Guard! He's laughing again!
You can't keep me locked up
with a laughing person!
Oh, I find that...
I find that quite funny.
Do you know, I feel another laugh
coming on. Aha-ha-ha!
Guard, I cannot remain in this cell!
- Execute me now!
-You heard him. Execute the old fool!
No, no, hang on, execute him!
I do not fear death, so execute away!
Execute him! I'd like to see if his head
keeps laughing
when you chop it oh?
Oh, Robin Hood always laughs
in the face of death.
Yes, rolling around the floor laughing,
I would pay good money to see that!
- Guard!
-Guard!
Will you two shut up!
Do either of you understand
in any way at all
that there isn't actually
a guard out there?
Oh.
I did, in fact.
No, you didn't.
I said shut up.
The Doctor and Robin Hood
locked up in a cellar.
Is this seriously the best
that you can do?
You're determined to starve to death
in here, squabbling.
Well, I'll tell you one thing.
I'd last a lot longer
than this desiccated man-crone.
(SNIGGERS)
- Really?
-Really.
Well, you know what?
I think you'll find
I have a certain genetic advantage. Oh!
- Oh!
-It is not a competition
about who can die slower.
It would definitely be me,
though, wouldn't it?
There was supposed to be a plan.
Do either of you two have a plan?
Yeah, of course I have a plan.
I, too, have a plan.
Okay, Robin, you first.
- Why him?
-Doctor, shut up.
Robin, your plan.
lam...
biding my time.
Thank you, Prince of Thieves.
Last of the Time Lords?
Yes, I have a plan.
Can you explain your plan without using
the word "sonic screwdriver"?
Because you might have forgotten
the Sheriff of Nottingham
has taken your screwdriver, just saying.
It's always the screwdriver.
Okay, well,
let's hear Robin's plan first.
- For God's sake!
-(DOOR OPENING)
See? There was a guard.
There was guard listening
the whole time, I knew it.
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
The Sheriff himself
commanded me to listen,
to find out which of you
is the true ringleader.
Ah, so he can do the interrogating.
Very wise.
Excellent. He will get nothing from me!
No, no, no. He will get nothing from me,
because interrogation, that's where
I always turn the tables.
You see, that's my plan.
Just hurry up and take me to him.
No, no, chop-chop, come on!
Seriously?
-Come on.
No.
ROBIN: What are you doing?
Don't be ridiculous!
(DOOR CLOSING)
(DOOR LOCKING)
(CROWD MURMURING)
'Tis a thing of beauty indeed.
Hmm!
And will feed a family for a
twelvemonth, when melted down.
Tonight we rest.
Tomorrow we must draw up plans
to rescue Robin.
We shall soon see
how those Mechanicals feel
about the taste of Nottingham steel!
Lord forgive me.
Strange, though, is it not?
What?
All this looting
that the Sheriff is doing.
And yet 'tis only ever gold
that he takes.
Pearls, rubies, all the precious
jewels of the realm
seem no consequence to him.
Only gold.
# Poor Robin and the stranger lay
# In the dungeon all the live-long day
♪ The Merry Men might pine away
♪ Upon a Sherwood morning ♪
(GROANING)
Eat, my lady, eat. Hmm?
Let it not be said that the Sheriff
of Nottingham is a poor host.
I had a bag of crisps
this morning, thanks.
Your words are strange, fair one.
Hmm, I should think they are.
But I like you. You're refreshingly...
direct.
You can take the girl
out of Blackpool...
Taken from your friend's strange tunic,
an intriguing gallimaufry.
Including this wand.
Evidently a thing of awesome power.
Tell me,
are you from beyond the stars?
You're the one with the robot army,
you tell me.
- I'm sorry?
-No.
Beat your breast, moan, groan as though
20 devils possessed your guts.
What for?
So as to attract the attention
of that gargoyle-faced guard.
It's your plan, you moan.
- No, no, no, it won't work.
-Why?
Uh, because you're clearly
more advanced in years
and you have a sickly aspect to you.
I have a what?
You're as pale as milk.
It's the way with Scots,
they're strangers to vegetables.
I'm not moaning. You moan.
Fine. If you want something doing...
(GROANING LOUDLY)
- Can I rely upon you to do the rest?
- Yes, yes, I know the drill.
What is this din?
No business of yours, cur!
Speak up! I can't hear you.
- What ails him?
-None of your business.
(GROANING CONTINUES)
I said, what ails him?
Well, if you must know,
he's having a nervous breakdown.
A what?
He's like this
whenever he's in any kind of danger.
He just can't seem to cope,
he gets so afraid.
He goes into a kind of fit.
I honestly believe that he may die
of sheer fright
like some tiny, shivering little mouse.
(GROANING)
Oh, God, I think he's soiled himself.
Let him die. It'll save us
the trouble of executing him.
And what will happen to the reward?
(MOANING)
Reward?
DOCTOR: Oh, God,
I shouldn't have said that.
Tell me!
He carries a vital message.
The Prince has promised a bounty!
- A big one?
-An enormous one.
What's that?
Say again?
(FAINTLY) Come close, come close.
Your breath stinks Like a serpent,
has anyone ever told you that?
(GRUNTS)
Soiled myself!
Did you? That's getting into character.
Okay, keys!
- I'll get them.
-No, no. I'll get them.
- I will get them
-I'll get them.
- I've got them!
-I'm fine. No, no worries!
- I've got them!
-I'll get...
- Ah!
-(KEYS CLANGING)
(KEYS SPLASHING IN WATER)
- Well, there is a bright side.
-Which is?
Clara didn't see that.
(SIGHS)
But enough of tawdry matters.
Let us talk of softer,
sweeter things.
Ah! Good, yes, I was hoping
we'd get round to that.
- You were?
-Mmm.
For I have known
I was destined to draw the eye
of a great and powerful man
for a long time,
ever since I saw those mysterious
lights in the sky.
You saw them, too?
And those strange mechanical men,
with their promises.
- I, too, have experienced this.
-Really?
Well, I would never have guessed.
Tell me your story.
- Tell me yours.
-Oh, no, no, no.
But you have to go first.
Why so?
Because great men always precede.
You have a point.
Your story, then.
Once upon a time, there was a brave
and clever and handsome man...
I can almost picture him.
I don't even have to close my eyes.
...unappreciated by his royal master.
Prince john?
The very same.
Then came the lights in the sky
and everything changed?
The skyship came to Earth
in a fury of fire!
I'd almost call it a crash.
I remember it well.
A craft from the heavenly spheres,
bedight with twinkling lights
and miracles beyond imagining!
The most beautiful thing the brave
and handsome man had ever seen.
And I suppose the mechanical men
saw you as their natural leader?
It was I and I alone
to whom the mechanical men
within imparted their secrets.
Shortly, I shall be the most
powerful man in the realm.
King in all but name,
for Nottingham is not enough.
- It isn't?
-After this...
- Derby!
-Right.
Then...
Lincoln.
- And after Lincoln...
-Worksop?
The world!
- Now what?
-First, a blacksmith's forge.
So as to remove our chains? (GRUNTS)
No.
So I can knock up
an ornamental plant stand.
Of course it's so we can get rid
of our chains!
I don't want to be manacled
to you all night.
(LAUGHING)
Oh, no, please. Please, don't do that!
-"Ornamental plant stand".
-It's not even that funny!
- You're an amusing fellow, Doctor!
-Oh, don't! Can you just stop?
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
You'll give yourself a hernia!
So what are you hanging around here for,
then, Your Majesty?
Why are you bothering to squeeze
pips out of peasants
if you've got a skyship on standby?
Enough questions.
I'm impatient to hear your story.
Oh, but I do not have one.
I was lying.
- Lying?
-Yeah.
People are so much better
at sharing information
if they think the other person
has already got it.
- Oh, that's very clever.
-Thank you.
You'll do very well.
For what?
Doesn't every king
require a consort?
Right, you do that again
and you'll regret that.
At last, something real.
No more fairy tales.
What is this place?
A spaceship.
More 29th century than 12th.
Data banks, data banks, data banks!
Where was this ship headed?
The Promised Land again.
Like the Half-Face Man
but more sophisticated.
It disguised itself
as a 12th-century castle,
emerges into the culture,
tries to keep a low profile,
so no one notices.
That explains the robot knights.
But the engines...
The engines are damaged.
They're leaking radiation
into the local atmosphere,
creating a temporary climate
of staggering benevolence.
- I beg pardon?
-Told you.
It's too sunny.
It's too green.
And there is even an evil sheriff
to oppress the locals.
- This explains everything, even you.
-It does?
Well, what does every oppressed
peasant workforce need?
The illusion of hope.
Some silly story to get them
through the day,
lull them into docility
and keep them working.
Ship's data banks.
Full of every myth and legend
you could hope for, including...
Robin Hood.
(COMPUTER BEEPS)
Isn't it time you came clean with me?
You're not real and you know it!
Look at you, perfect eyes,
perfect teeth.
Nobody has a jawline like that!
You're as much a part of what is
happening here as the Sheriff
and his metal knights. You're a robot.
You dare to accuse me of collusion
with that villain, the Sheriff?
- I dare!
-You false-tongued knave!
I should have skewered you
when I had the chance!
I would like to see you try!
(ENGINE POWERING UP)
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
- Surrender, outlaw!
-Very good.
Kill him. Kill Robin Hood!
You can drop
all that stuff now, Sheriff.
- Doctor?
-He is not what you think he is.
This is all play-acting.
We can’t just let them kill him!
DOCTOR: You're not fooling
anyone, Sheriff.
(SCREAMING)
What the hell are you doing?
- Surviving.
-No!
No! Clara!
Yeah, sorry about the girl,
such a pretty thing.
What a queen she would have made.
Stop pretending.
You and your fancy robots.
I get it, I understand.
Oh, so you too know my plans?
You and your robots
plundering the surrounding
countryside for all it's worth.
Gold.
Gold! Of course!
Gold! You are creating a matrix of
gold to repair the engine circuitry.
This is the scheme
the Mechanicals have devised.
Soon this skyship will depart.
Destination, London.
There, I will obliterate the King
and take my rightful place
as ruler of this sceptred isle!
It won't work. There's not a chance.
I've seen the instruments.
There's been too much damage.
You are stoking up a gigantic bomb!
(CLANGING)
COMPUTER: Engine capacity at 48%.
(MEN GROANING)
Engine capacity at 48%.
It's not enough. That's not enough.
It'll never make orbit.
(EXPLOSION)
That's the engines, building in power.
Stupid, stupid Sheriff!
Agh! Go on, give...
Give, you stupid things!
What are you looking at?
Hi.
The time for games is over.
I think I understand you.
The Sheriff's using the gold
to replace something?
That's the principle.
But he's a moron.
If he tries to fly his ship,
it'll explode and wipe out
half the country.
What we need is a little riot.
Time to reflect on lasers and gold.
Spread the word.
You will tell me everything
this Doctor knows
about Robin Hood and his Merry Men.
What is this?
Why are you interrogating me?
And then, you will tell me
exactly who this Doctor is
and what are his plans.
ROBOT: You are fit for labour.
Stand aside while this peasant unit
is freed.
I'm afraid you're a little late.
Explain.
I'm already free!
Mine!
Mine.
Mine.
COMPUTER: Engine capacity at 75%.
(BEEPING)
What?
Who will rid me
of this turbulent Doctor?
Come.
(SCREAMING)
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
Ahhh!
Everyone, the last one!
Out, out, out!
Everyone, quickly, get out!
DOCTOR: Quickly!
You've saved us all, clever one.
Thank you.
COMPUTER: Engine capacity at 82%.
You are indeed
an ingenious fellow, Doctor.
But do you really think
your peasants revolt can stop me?
I rather think
you're the revolting one around here.
Bantering, I'm bantering. Listen to me!
You don't have enough gold content
to seal the engine breach.
If you try and take off,
you'll wipe out half of England.
Liar!
From my sky vessel,
I shall rule omnipotent.
You pudding-headed primitive,
shut down the engines.
What you're doing
will alter the course of history.
I sincerely hope so
or I wouldn't be bothering.
Listen to me!
It doesn't have to end like this.
Shut it all down, return Clara to me
and I'll do what I can.
I don't have Clara.
Robin's one of yours!
What did you say?
He's one of your tin-headed puppets,
just Like these brutes here.
Robin Hood is not one of mine.
Of course he is. He's a robot,
created by your mechanical mates.
Why would they do that?
To pacify the locals,
give them false hope.
He's the opiate of the masses.
Why would we create an enemy
to fight us?
What sense would that make?
That would be a terrible idea.
Yes! Yes, it would!
Wouldn't it?
Yes, that would be a rubbish idea.
Why would you do that?
But he can't be... He's not real.
He's a legend!
Too kind!
And this legend does not come alone.
Hiya!
- You all right?
-Hell, yeah.
Good!
ROBIN: My men have taken the castle.
- No!
-ROBIN: Now I am going to take you.
This one's all mine!
(ROBOTS POWERING DOWN)
What do you say, outlaw?
A final reckoning?
Oh, yes.
- Are you okay?
-Fine, yeah.
Good. We don't have long.
(GRUNTING)
I shall avenge every slight, outlaw!
- Doctor...
-I know. The whole castle's
about to blow.
You have long been a thorn in my side.
Well, everyone should have a hobby.
Mine's annoying you.
I'll have you boiled in oil
at the castle by sunset.
Can we make it a little earlier?
'Cause that's a little past my bedtime!
I'm too much for you, outlaw!
The first of a new breed.
Half man, half engine!
Never ageing...
Never tiring...
Are you still talking?
Bow down before your new king,
you prince of knaves!
(SCREAMING)
(SPLASHING)
(SIGHS)
Sorry. Was that...
Was that showing off?
- That was amazing!
-(EXPLOSION)
Run! Come on, run!
(EXPLOSION)
It's never going to make it.
Not enough gold.
It'll never make it into orbit.
- Where is it? Where did it go?
-Where did what go?
- The golden arrow!
-Tuck!
- You took it?
-Of course we did. We're robbers.
I love you boys!
CLARA: Doctor, what are you suggesting?
Golden arrow.
It might just be enough gold content
to get the ship into orbit
and out of harm's way.
Well, it has to be you.
My arm is injured.
You're good at this! I saw you!
You won the tournament!
I cheated.
I made a special arrow
with a homing device.
Oh, brilliant! Right, let me have a go.
You? You do tae kwon do!
That's not the same thing as this!
My friends.
Surely, we can manage it together?
COMPUTER: Engine capacity at 83%.
ROBOT: Insufficient power to achieve
escape velocity.
Maximum power surge.
COMPUTER: Engines critical.
Engines critical.
Engines crit...
(CHEERING)
# One awful day in Nottingham
# Brave Robin Hood was in a jam
♪ The arrow flew with true... ♪
Give it a rest, Alan.
Give me my lute!
(ALL LAUGHING)
Still not keen on the laughing thing?
- No, no, no, no.
-(GIGGLES)
Whoa-hoe!
Ah!
lam going to miss you.
- You're very naughty.
-Oh, I know.
Whoever he is...
he is a very lucky man.
Marian is very lucky, too.
- I fear not.
-Don't give up.
Not ever, not for one single day.
Be safe, if you can be.
But always be amazing.
Hmm!
Goodbye, Robin Hood.
Goodbye, Clara Oswald.
So, is it true, Doctor?
Is what true?
That in the future
lam forgotten as a real man?
I am but a legend?
I'm afraid it is.
Hmm.
Good. History is a burden.
Stories can make us fly.
I'm still having a little trouble
believing yours, I'm afraid.
Is it so hard to credit?
That a man born into wealth
and privilege
should find the plight of the oppressed
and weak too much to bear?
- No...
-Until one night,
he is moved to steal a Tardis?
Fly among the stars,
fighting the good fight?
Clara told me your stories.
She should not have told you
any of that.
Well...
Well, once the story started,
she could hardly stop herself.
You are her hero, I think.
I'm not a hero.
Well, neither am I.
But if we both keep pretending to be...
Ha-ha!
Perhaps others will be
heroes in our name.
Perhaps we will both be stories.
And may those stories never end.
Goodbye, Doctor,
Time Lord of Gallifrey.
Goodbye, Robin Hood, Earl of Loxley.
And remember, Doctor...
I'm just as real as you are.
Admit it.
You like him.
Well, I'm leaving him a present,
aren't I?
(TARDIS WHOOSHING)
Robin?
I've found you at last.
Marian? Marian!
Ah!
Ha-ha-ha!
Thank you! Thank you, Doctor!
Ha-ha-ha!
DOCTOR: What's that in the mirror
or the comer of your eye?
What's that footstep following
but never passing by?
Perhaps they're all just waiting,
perhaps when we 're all dead,
out they'll come a-slithering
from underneath the bed.
(DOCTOR WHO THEME)
Ripped By mstoll