Doctor Who (2005–…): Season 8, Episode 1 - Deep Breath - full transcript

The Doctor and Clara find themselves in London with Madam Vastra and the gang. There are clockwork men and the Doctor is still scrambling to find himself. Clara doesn't understand the regeneration process for the Doctor.

[loud stomping]

[growling]

[roaring]

[bell chimes]

- [roars]
- [bell tolls]

[clock ticking]

- [policeman] come on, out of
the way! Move yourself, please.
- [woman screaming]

- Coming through. That's it.
- [man shouts]

- Excuse me, sir!
- [indistinct chatter]

[snarling]

[chatter continues]



Madame vastra, thank god.
I'll wager you've not seen
anything like this before!

Well... Not since
I was a little girl.

[jenny] big fellow, isn't he?

Dinosaurs were mostly this size.
I do believe it's a she.

No they weren't,
I've seen fossils.

- I was there.
- [man] well, that's
all well and good,

But what's this dinosaur
fellow doing in the thames?

- [snarling]
- [vastra] it must have
time-travelled. Jenny?

Time-travelled?

- [people screaming]
- [snarling cough]

Is it choking?

There seems to be something
lodged in its throat.

- How could it time travel?
- I don't know.

Perhaps it was
something it ate.



[coughing]

[all gasping, chattering]

Stand back.
Stand back, stand back.

Well, it's just laid an egg.

It dropped a blue box marked
"police" out of its mouth.

Your grasp of biology
troubles me.

- It's the tardis.
- It would seem so.

We'll take care
of this, inspector.

But what if that thing
goes on the rampage?

Place these lanterns on
the shore line and bridges,

Encircling the creature,
20-foot intervals.

- What will they do?
- They will emit a signal
that will incline it

To remain within
their circumference.

Jenny, strax!

With me.

[dinosaur roaring]

[jenny] so it's him then,
the doctor.

A giant dinosaur from the
distant past has just vomited

A blue box from outer space.

This is not a day
for jumping to conclusions.
Strax, if you wouldn't mind?

Hello? Exit the box,
and surrender to the glory
of the sontaran empire.

Shush!

Doctor?

I was being chased
by a giant dinosaur,

But I think I managed
to give it the slip.

[dinosaur roaring in distance]

- Sleepy?
- Sir?

Bashful? Sneezy? Dopey?

Grumpy!

Oh, you two.

The green one
and the not green one.

Or it could be the
other way round,
I mustn't pre-judge.

Oh, you remember, er...

- [gasping]
- ...Thingy.

The, er, the not-me one.

The asking questions one.
Names, not my area.

- Clara!
- Might be clara, might not be,
it's a lottery.

- It is clara.
- Well, I'm not ruling it out.
Oi, big man! Shut it!

[roaring]

Oh! You've got a dinosaur too!

[roaring]

Big woman, sorry.

Doctor, listen to me.
You... You need to calm down.

I'm not flirting, by the way!

I think something's gone wrong.

- [dinosaur growling]
- wrong? What's gone wrong?

Have you regenerated?

I remember you.
You're handles!

You used to be a little...
A little robot head, and now...

You've really
let yourself go.

[dinosaur roaring, snarling]

Reduce the frequency.

- [vastra] I'm sorry?
- Your sonic lanterns.
Turn them down!

- You're giving her a headache.
- [jenny] giving who a headache?

- My lady friend!
- [dinosaur roars]

- Just an expression,
don't get any ideas!
- How do you know?

Come on, clara!
You know that I speak dinosaur.

He's not clara. I'm clara.

Well, you're
very similar heights.
Maybe you should wear labels.

Why... Why are
you all doing that?

Why... Are you all going...
Dark?

- And wobbly? Stop that.
- I don't think we are.

Never mind!
Everyone, take five!

[doctor thudding]

- What do we do?
- I don't understand.

Who is he?
Where's the doctor?

Right here.

That's him.

That's the doctor.

Well, then,
here we go again.

- [dinosaur roaring]
- [bell tolling]

[the doctor] it's simply...
Misunderstandable to me.
I don't know what it is.

- Who invented this room?!
- Doctor, please,
you have to lie down.

It doesn't make any sense.
Look, it's only got a bed in it.

Why is there only a bed in it?

Because it's a bed-room.
It's for sleeping in.

Ok, what do you do
when you're awake?

You leave the room.

So you've got a whole room
for not being awake in?

But what's the point?
You're just missing the room!

And don't look in that mirror,
it's absolutely furious.

Doctor, please. You have to
lie down, you keep passing out.

Well, of course I keep passing
out, there's all these beds!

Why do you keep talking
like that? What's gone wrong
with your accent?

- Why do you...
- Nothing's gone wrong
with her accent.

You sound the same,
it's spreading!

You all sound all... English!

Now you've all
developed a fault!

Doctor, I need your help
with something.

Finally, someone
who can talk properly.

- I'm having
difficulty sleeping.
- Oh?

Oh, well, I wouldn't
bother with that.

I never bother with sleeping.
I just do standy-up-catnaps.

Oh, really, how interesting.
And when do you do those?

Well, generally whenever
anyone else starts talking.

I like to skip ahead
to my bits, it saves time.

Oh. Save me time, doctor.

Project an image
of perfect sleep
into the centre of my mind.

What, do you want
a psychic link with me?

The size of my brain,
it would be like
dropping a piano on you.

- Be gentle then.
- I'll try.

Brace yourself.

Piano.

[vastra] I love monkeys.
They're so funny.

Oh, I see! So people
are monkeys now, are they?

No, dear, people are apes.

Men are monkeys.

- So, what now?
- He needs rest.

- So, what do we do?
How do we fix him?
- [jenny] fix him?

How do we change him back?

Jenny, I will be in my chamber.

Would you be kind enough
to fetch my veil?

Why? Are we expecting strangers?

It would seem...
There is already one here.

- [sighs]
- [dinosaur footstep
rumbles in distance]

What have I done wrong?

[dinosaur moaning]

The dinosaur doesn't
seem very happy.

- What's wrong with it?
- I don't know.

The doctor's the one
that speaks dinosaur.

Excuse me, ma'am.
The wife doesn't like
to be kept waiting.

Where did he get that face?

Why's it got lines on it?
It's brand-new.

How can his hair be all grey?
He only just got it.

It's still him, ma'am.
You saw him change.

- I know. I do, I...
I know that.
- Good.

- It's just...
- What?

Nothing.

If...

If vastra changed,
if she was different,

If she wasn't the person
that... You liked...

I don't like her, ma'am.

I love her.

And as to different,
well... She's a lizard.

[dinosaur moaning in distance]

[dinosaur moaning]

I am alone.

The world which shook
at my feet,

And the trees,

And the sky,

Have gone.

And I am alone now... Alone.

Are you translating?

The wind bites now,

And the world is grey,

And I am alone...
[indistinct murmur]

Can't see me.

Doesn't see me.

- Can't... See me.
- You can't see it?

I think all of london
can see it.

[strax] boy?
Madame vastra is waiting.

Ok, whatever.

I will convey you
to her chamber.

May I take your coat?

- Not wearing a coat.
- What's all that?

Clothes.

- May I take your clothes?
- Probably not.

- Are you wearing a hat?
- It's hair.

[strax] no, I think it's a hat.
Would you like me to check?

- [dinosaur moaning]
- [indistinct chatter]

[man] it's not real, of course.

- [woman] what is it then?
- [man] the government.

- The government?
- Yeah.

- Up to their usual tricks.
- It's a dinosaur, alf.

- A real dinosaur.
- I wouldn't put it past them.

You don't half talk
a lot of rubbish, alfie.

See you don't stay out
too late now.

- You know me.
- Yes, I do.

[dinosaur growling]

[mechanical clicking]

It's the neck,
that's what's wrong with it.
It just don't look realistic.

- You have good eyes.
- Hm. I do, as it happens.
Very good eyes.

- They're my greatest gift.
- I accept.

- What's that for?
- Your gift.

- I have bad eyes.
- [screams]

[vastra] and then?

[clara] why are you
wearing your veil?

[vastra] and then?

And then, we got swallowed
by a big dinosaur.

- You probably noticed.
- How did it happen?

I don't know.
I don't know, we were...
Crashing about everywhere.

The doctor was gone,
the tardis went haywire.

He's not gone. He's upstairs.

Ok, he changed.

He regenerated.
Renewed himself.

Renewed, fine.

Such a cynical smile.

- I'm not smiling.
- Not outwardly.

But I am accustomed
to seeing through a veil.
How have I amused you?

You said "renewed."
he doesn't...

He doesn't look renewed,
he looks... Older.

- You thought he was young?
- He looked young.

He looked like your dashing,
young gentleman friend.
Your lover, even.

- Shut up!
- But he is the doctor.

He has walked this universe
for centuries untold,

He has seen stars fall to dust.

You might as well flirt
with a mountain range.

- I did not flirt with him.
- He flirted with you.

- How?
- He looked young.

Who do you think that was for?

- Me?
- Everyone.

I wear a veil as he wore a face,
for the same reason.

What reason?

The oldest reason there is
for anything.

To be accepted.

- [clock ticking]
- [sniffs]

[sniffing]

[inhales deeply]

[sniffing]

[continues sniffing]

[fumbling]

[inhales deeply]

Jenny and I are married.

Yet for appearance's sake,
we maintain a pretence,

In public,
that she is my maid.

Doesn't exactly explain why
I'm pouring tea in private.

- Hush now.
- Good pretence, isn't it?

I wear a veil to keep
from view what many

Are pleased to call
my disfigurement.

I do not wear it
as a courtesy to such people,

But as a judgment
on the quality of their hearts.

Are you judging me?

The doctor regenerated
in your presence.

The young man disappeared,
the veil lifted.

He trusted you.
Are you judging him?

[exhales]

How dare you.

How dare you.

[dinosaur groaning, snarling]

Door. Boring. Not me.

Me!

Marcus aurelius, roman emperor,

Last of the five good,
and stoic philosopher!

Superlative bass guitarist.
The doctor really knows
how to put a band together.

And the only pin-up I ever had
on my wall when I was 15,
the only one I ever had.

I am not sure who you think
you're talking to right now,
madam vastra,

But I have never had
the slightest interest
in pretty young men!

And for the record, if there
was anybody who could flirt
with a mountain range,

She's probably standing
in front of you right now!

[exhales] just because my pretty
face has turned your head,

Do not assume that I am
so easily distracted.

Whoo! Whoo!

- Sorry.
- Well... [laughs]

Goodness me.
The lake is ruffled at last.

I often wondered what you'd be
like when you lost your temper.

- Oi! Married.
- [hissing]

[vastra] the doctor needs us,
you more than anyone.

He is lost in the ruin
of himself,
and we must bring him home.

When did you stop
wearing your veil?

[chuckles]

When you stopped seeing it.

Oi! Oi!

Oi, big, sexy woman!

- [dinosaur growling]
- hey!

Sorry! Sorry,
it's all my fault!

My time machine got stuck
in your throat, it happens!

I brought you along by accident.
That's mostly how I meet girls.

But don't worry,
I promise, I will get you home!

I swear, whatever it takes,

I will keep you safe!

You will be at home again!

[loud roaring]

Stop that. Who's doing that?
No, don't do that!

- That came from the river.
- The dinosaur!

Strax!
Bring the carriage, now!

[grunts, yells]

- [branches cracking]
- [grunting]

[yelling]

Oh! [groans]

[the doctor] halt!

Sorry, I'm going to have
to relieve you of your pet!

- You're what?
- Shut up, I was
talking to the horse!

- [whinnies]
- ah!

- [screwdriver whirring]
- what are you doing?!

- Forward!
- [whinnies]

[strax] out of the way,
human scum! Hyah!

Jurassic emergency!

Hyah!

- [horse whinnies]
- left!

No, no!
Right, right, right, right!

Sorry, it's my new hands,
I can't tell them apart!

- What do you think's happened?
- I don't know,
but I fear devilment.

Should we not
have told the doctor?

He's not ready
to leave his bed.

[the doctor shouting]

Watch it on the corners,
it's a bit slippery up here!

[horse whinnies]

- Strax!
- [strax] hyah!

- Come on, strax!
- [strax] hyah! Hyah!

That's better!

[whispers] sorry, sorry.

I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.

[strax] whoa!

The doctor!
What's he doing here?

[alarm chirps]

There is trouble.
Where else would he be?

She was scared.

She was scared and alone.

I brought her here
and look what they did.

Who or what could
have done this thing?

- No.
- I'm sorry?

No, that is not the question.

That is not where we start.

The question is how?

The flesh itself
has been combusted...

No, no, shut up!

What do you all have
for brains, pudding?

Look at you.

Why can't I meet
a decent species?

Planet of the pudding-brains!

Doctor, I know you're upset,
but you need to calm down
and talk to us.

What is the question?

A dinosaur is burning
in the heart of london.

Nothing left
but smoke and flame.

The question is...

...Have there been
any similar murders?

Yes. Yes, by the goddess,
there have!

[the doctor] look at them all.
Gawking!

[indistinct chatter]

Question two:

If all the pudding-brains
are gawking...

...Then what is he?

He seems remarkably unmoved
by the available spectacle.

Do you think that's whoever...

[water splashing]

What he's doing? He'll drown!

- I very much doubt it.
- Why?

There has been a murder.
The doctor has
taken up the case.

If we are to see him again,
we must do the same.

[strax] come on, earthling scum!
Position it here. Easy now.

That's it. Careful.
Don't get it scratched

Or you and all your bloodline
will be obliterated
from time and space.

- Strax!
- Ah!

Morning, miss clara.
You're awake at last.

- You got the tardis then?
- Military tactics.

The doctor is still missing,
but he will always come
looking for his box.

By bringing it here,
he will be lured
from the dangers of london

To this place of safety,
and we will melt him with acid.

Ok, that last part?

And we will not melt him
with acid. Old habits.

The times.
Shall I send it up?

[clara] yeah, why not?

- Ah!
- [thudding]

- Jenny!
- Ah, good morning, clara.

Morning. Erm,
so what are we gonna do?

Are we gonna go
looking for the doctor?

We've got the paternoster
irregulars out in force.

If anyone can find him,
they can.

Meanwhile, madame vastra
is slightly occupied by the
conk-singleton forgery case,

And is having the camberwell
child-poisoner for dinner.

- For dinner?
- After she's finished
interrogating him.

Probably best to stay
out the larder. It'll get
a bit noisy in there later.

Erm...

Ah, miss clara!

- You look better now you're up.
- Thank you, strax.

No, sorry, trick of the light.
You still look terrible.

- Can I get you anything?
- Er, no, thanks.
Maybe just some water.

Of course.

Well, don't hold back,
I've nearly finished anyway.

- Erm...
- It's perfectly all right.
I washed in it myself.

All of a sudden,
I'm not very thirsty.

Really?
Perhaps it is time, then...

[whirring]

...For your mandatory
medical examination.

[whirring, beeping]

- Say "ahh."
- ahh.

- You didn't move your lips.
- You're looking at my eye.

Oh. Oh, yes, there we are.
Easy mistake.

- Ah... [mutters]
- [beeping]

- Now, that's interesting.
- What? What's interesting?

Deflected narcissism,
traces of passive aggressive,

And a lot of muscular,
young men doing sport.

- [laughs]
what are you looking at?
- Your subconscious.

Is that sport?
It could be sport.

Well, stop looking.

Moving onto the thorax,
such as it is.

Ah, excellent.

Enviable spleen, well done.

Twenty-seven years old,
with a projected life-span
of exactly...

- Stop... Right there.
- Oh, you're going
to do quite well.

But watch out for
fluid retention later,
it's going to be spectacular.

- Well, put your
clothes back on.
- They are on.

Oh, yes, so they are.

- Why are you doing this?
- If we are to serve together,

I need you in
peak physical prowess. Eh?

Ow! Why would we be
serving together? The doctor's
gonna come back, isn't he?

- It is to be hoped.
- Wha...? He's not just gonna
abandon me here.

You must stop worrying
about him, my boy.

By now he's almost certainly
had his throat cut
by the violent poor.

- [rattling]
- [dog barking]

[grunting]

[the doctor muttering
indistinctly]

Oh...

[clatters]

- Bitey.
- Bitey?

The air, it's bitey.
It's wet and bitey.

- Oh. It's cold.
- That's right. It's cold.

It's cold.
I knew it was a thing.

I need, erm...

I need clothes. I need clothes,
that's what I need.

And a big, long scarf.

No, no, move on from that,
looked stupid.

Er, have you seen
this face before?

- No.
- Are you sure?

Sir, I have never
seen that face.

It's funny, because
I'm sure that I have.

You know, I never know
where the faces come from.

They just pop up, zap,
faces like this one.

Come on, look at it,
have a look.
Look, look, look.

Look, it's covered in lines.
But I didn't do the frowning.

Who frowned me this face?

Do you ever look
in the mirror and think,
"I've seen that face before"?

- Yes.
- Really? When?

Well, every time
I look in the mirror.

Ah, yes, yes, yes,
fair enough, good point.

- My face is fresh on, though.
- Ooh.

- [moaning]
- why this one?

Why did I choose this face?

It's like I'm trying
to tell myself something.

Like I'm trying to make a point.

But what is so important
that I can't just tell myself
what I'm thinking?

Er...

I'm not just being rhetorical
here, you can join in.

- I don't like it.
- What?

- Your face.
- Well, I don't like it either.

Well, it's all right
up until the eyebrows,
then it just goes haywire.

Look at the eyebrows!
These are attack eyebrows.

You could take bottle tops
off with these!

- They are mighty eyebrows
indeed, sir.
- They're cross!

They're crosser
than the rest of my face.

They're independently cross.

They probably want to cede
from the rest of my face

And set up their own
independent state of eyebrows!

That's scot.
I'm am scottish.
I've gone scottish.

Oh. [chuckles]
yes, you are.

You are definitely scot, sir.
I hear it in your voice.

Oh, no, that's good.

Oh! Oh...

It's good, I'm scottish.
I'm scottish.

I am scottish.
I can complain about things.

I can really complain about
things now. Give me your coat.

- No.
- I'm cold.

- I'm cold.
- I'm cold.

There's no point
in us both being cold.
Give me your coat.

Give me your coat.

No, wait! Shut up! Shut up!

Shut up!
I missed something.

It was here, it was here.
It was...

What was it I saw?
What did I see?

This is what I saw!

- Spontaneous combustion.
- What devilry is this, sir?

I don't know. But I probably
blame the english.

- Spontaneous combustion.
- Is that like love
at first sight?

[vastra chuckles] a little.
It is the theory
that human beings can,

With little or no inducement,
simply explode.

You don't need to flirt with me,
we're already married.

- It's scientific nonsense,
of course.
- Marriage?

Hush. There have been
nine reported incidents

Of people apparently
exploding in the last month.

And you think they
weren't spontaneous?

I think whoever killed
the dinosaur had
at least nine previous victims.

All of these perished in
the same spectacular fashion.

- I thought you
were painting me!
- I was working.

- Why am I posing then?
- You brighten
the room tremendously.

Chin up a little.

Oh, I don't understand
why I'm doing this!

Art?

Now, why destroy
the victims so completely?

It's difficult,
it draws attention.
What advantage is to be gained?

- Well, tell us, then.
- Concealment, perhaps.

- Concealment?
- It's a fanciful theory,
but it fits the facts.

By destroying the body
so completely,

You conceal
what is missing from it.

- Missing from the body?
- [clara] madame vastra!

Clara, excellent. Pop your
clothes on that chair there.

- Look!
- Advertisements, yes.

So many, it's
a distressing modern trend.

No, look!

[clara] look.

[gasps]

- Ma'am?
- The game is afoot.

- And we're going
to need a lot of tea.
- [bell rings]

[sighs] there appears to be
nothing of significance
in the rest of the newspaper,

- Not even in the agony column.
- We can't know it's
from the doctor.

Of course it's from the doctor.
"the impossible girl,"
that's what he calls me!

He says lunch,
but not when or where.

On the other side?
The other side of london?
Bit vague.

The other side of regeneration,
perhaps. Once he's recovered?

So what am I supposed to do?
Guess where we're meeting?

Perhaps that's the point.

Perhaps you're supposed
to prove that
you still know him.

Think what that must mean
for a man who
barely knows himself.

It doesn't makes sense,
he doesn't do puzzles.

He's isn't complicated,
he really doesn't have
the attention span.

So...

...Keeping it dead simple.

"on the other side"...

[clock ticking]

[sniffs deeply]

[sniffing]

- [coughs]
- what's wrong?

I don't know. Maybe the smell?

I know, it's everywhere.

Where did you get that coat?

Er... [clears throat]
I bought it.

- From where?
- Er... A shop.

- No.
- Might have been a tramp.

- You don't have any money.
- I...

- I had a watch.
- No, that watch was beautiful.

It was my favourite.

You swapped your favourite
watch for that coat?

- That's maybe not a good deal.
- Well, I was in a hurry.

- There was a terrible smell...
- Ok.

[laughs]

No, no. Don't-don't-don't,
don't smile.

I-I will smile first,
and then you know
it's safe to smile.

- Are you cross with me?
- I'm not cross.

But if I was cross
it would be your fault. And...

- ...Yes, I am cross.
- I guessed that.

I am extremely cross.

And if I hadn't changed
my face, would you be cross?

I would be cross
if I wasn't cross!

- Why?
- Why?

An ordinary person wants
to meet someone that they know

Very well for lunch,
what do they do?

Well, they probably get
in touch and suggest lunch.

Mm-hm. Ok, so what kind of
person would put a cryptic note
in a newspaper advert?

- Well, I wouldn't like to say.
- Oh, go on, do, say.

Well, I would say that that
person would be an egomaniac,

Needy, game-player
sort of person.

[sighs] thank you.

[chuckles] well, at least
that hasn't changed.

And I don't
suppose it ever will.

No, I don't suppose
it will either.

Clara, honestly...

...I don't want you to change.

It was no bother, really.

I saw your advert,
I figured it out,
happy to play your game.

No... [stammers]
no, I didn't place the ad.
You placed the ad.

- No, I didn't.
- Yes. You placed the ad,
I figured it out.

- "impossible girl," see? Lunch.
- No, look.

"the impossible"...
That is a message

- From the impossible girl.
- For the impossible... Girl.

- Oh...
- Oh. Hm.

Well, if neither of us placed
that ad, who placed that ad?

Hang on.

"egomaniac, needy,
game-player"?

- This could be a trap.
- That was me?

- Never mind that.
- Yes, I am minding that.

- Clara...
- You were talking about me?

Clara, what is happening
right now, in this restaurant,

To you and me, is more
important than your egomania.

Nothing is more important
than my egomania!

- Right, you actually said that.
- You never mention that again!

It's... It's a vanity trap.

You're so busy congratulating
yourself on solving the puzzle,

You don't notice that you're
sticking your head in a noose.

What are you doing? And that
isn't the only grey one,

If you are, erm,
having a cull.

Do you have a problem
with the grey ones?

If I got new hair
and it was grey,
I would have a problem.

- Yeah, I bet you would.
- Meaning?

It's too short.

- Ow!
- Sorry, it was the
only one out of place.

I'm sure that you would
want it killed.

Ooh. Are you trying
to tell me something?

I'm trying to measure the
air disturbance in the room.

Right, moments when
you know you are boring.

[soft mechanical clicking]

There is something
extremely wrong with
everybody else in this room.

- Hm, basically, don't you
always think that?
- Look at them.

- Don't look.
- You just said to look!

Look without looking.

- They look fine to me.
They're just eating.
- Are they?

[mechanical clicking]

[softly]
ok, no. They're not eating.

Something else
they're not doing.

Breathing.

What do we do?

You don't want to eat, do you?

Slightly lost my appetite.
[clears throat]

How long before they notice
that we're different?

- Not long.
- Anything we can do?

How long can you
hold your breath?

We could just casually
stroll out of here.

- Like we've changed our minds.
- Happens all the time.

[chuckles] 'course it does.

[loud clicking]

[loud clicking]

[loud clicking]

We could take another look
at the menu.

[whirring, clicking]

- What are they?
- I don't know.

Don't worry,
because that's
not the question.

The question is,
what is this restaurant?

- Ok, what is this restaurant?
- I don't know.

[whirring, clicking]

Er... No sausages. Ju...

And there's no pictures, either.
Do you have a children's menu?

- [whirring]
- any specials?

- Liver.
- I don't like liver.

Spleen.

Brain stem. Eyes.

Hm... Is there a lot
of demand for those?

I don't think that's
what's on the menu.

- I think we are the menu.
- Lungs. Skin.

Excuse me.

- Ok. Robot in a mask.
- [the doctor] it's a face.

Yeah, it's very convincing.

- No, it's a face.
- [screams]

- Yes.
- Yes, what?

Yes, we have a children's menu.

- [clanging]
- [grunts]

[gasps]

[screaming]

You've got to admire
their efficiency!

Is it ok if I don't?

[both yelling]

- [yelling continues]
- [mechanical creaking]

[both grunting, panting]

Hello? Hello, are you
the manager? I demand
to speak to the manager.

This is not
a real restaurant, is it?

Well...

It's more a sort of
automated organ collection
station for the unwary diner.

- Sweeney todd without the pies.
- So where are we now?

Factually,
an ancient space ship,
probably buried for centuries.

Functionally, a larder.

- So why hasn't
somebody come for us?
- We're alive.

- We're alive in a larder.
- Exactly. It's cheaper
than freezing us.

- Ok.
- [grunts] are you ready?

- Go for it.
- Don't let it roll away.

- No.
- We've got one shot at this.

- Next time make one
that doesn't roll.
- Go!

[grunting]

- You got it?
- I can just about reach it.

It's at times like this
I miss amy.

- Who?
- Nothing.

[grunts] ready?

Don't miss.

- [clara gasps]
- oh!

Oh...

Sorry, did I hit something?

Oh, the symbolism.

[whirring]

[sighs] you should make
that thing voice-activated.

- Oh, for god's sake.
It is, isn't it?
- I don't want to talk about it.

- Doctor.
- Oh...

- Dormant.
- How do you know?

I don't, I'm just hoping.

So, is it these guys
that killed the dinosaur?

Well, if they're harvesting
organs, a dinosaur would
have some great stuff.

Why would robots need organs?
Burke and hare from space?

Maybe.
That's a good theory.

Droids harvesting spare parts.
That rings a bell.

Captain, my captain.

- Can he see us?
- Dormant.

- Hoping?
- Yep. Oh, look!

He's re-charging. He's asleep.

- Doesn't even know we're here.
- Are you sure?

Sure, not sure,
one or the other.

Ok, so half man, half robot.
A cyborg, yeah?

- Oh...
- Oh?

- Oh...
- Oh...

- Look at the hands.
- What about them?

- Look at them.
- I'm looking.

They don't match. These hands
don't belong to the same body.

- I don't understand.
- I don't blame you.

See, this...
This is not your normal cyborg.

This isn't a man turning
himself into a robot.

This is a robot turning himself
into a man, piece by piece.

That's what
the restaurant's for?

Well, it would need a
constant supply of spare parts.

You can tan skin,
but organs rot.

Some of that metal work
looks roman.

I wonder how long
it's been around,

How much of the original
is even left.

- The eyeballs
look very fresh, though.
- [clara groans]

- [mechanical clicking]
- [clara] ah!

[mechanical clicking]

[whispering] is it awake?

It's waking up, I think.

Ok, let's go.

[panting]

I've seen this before.
I'm missing something.

- [clara] doctor!
- It's the brand-new head,
rebooting.

- [clara] come on!
- I've seen this before!

Hurry up! Get out!

[mechanical clicking]

- [clara] doctor!
- [screwdriver whirs]

[clara gasps]

Sorry, too slow. There's no
point in them catching us both.

Well, give me the screwdriver!

- I might need it.
- [whirring]

[panting, whispers]
no... No! Doctor!

[gasps]

[gasps, grunts]

[mechanical clicking]

[clicking]

[clicking, whirring]

[the doctor, voiceover]
there's something else
they're not doing.

Breathing.

[clicking]

How long can you
hold your breath?

[inhaling deeply]

[clicking, whirring]

[clicking]

[clicking continues]

[clicking, whirring]

[heart beating rapidly]

[inhales, exhales]

[panting]

Bring her.

[faint screaming]

[children giggling]

All right, stop! Stop!
Stop it, all of you, now!

[boy] ha, it's her first day!

[children laughing]

If you don't stop it,
I'm gonna have each and every
single one of you

Kicked out of this school!

Go on, then. Do it.
[voice echoing]

[children laughing]

[gasps]

Where is the other one?

There was another.
Where is he?

Where is the other?

You will tell us,

Or you will be destroyed.

- What did you say?
- You will tell us.

- Yeah, I know. Or what?
- You will die.

[girl, voiceover] go on then.

Do it.

Go on, then.

Do it.

[clicking, whirring]

I'm not going to answer
any of your questions.

So you have to do it,
you have to kill me.

Threats don't work
unless you deliver.

- You will tell us
where the other one is.
- Nope.

- You will be destroyed.
- Destroy me, then.

And if you don't, then I'm
not gonna believe a single
threat you make from now on.

Of course, if I'm dead, then...

...I can't tell you
where the other one went, and...

...You need to keep this place
down here a secret, don't you?

Never start with your
final sanction. You've got
nowhere to go but backwards.

- Humans feel pain.
- Oh, bigger threat
to smaller threat.

See what I mean? Backwards.

The information can be extracted
by means of your suffering.

Are you trying to scare me?

Oh, because I'm already
bloody terrified of dying.

And I'll endure a lot of pain,
for a very long time,

Before I give up the information
that is keeping me alive.
How long have you got?

All you can offer me
is my life.

What you can't do
is threaten it.
You can negotiate.

- [mechanical clicking]
- [gasps] ok, ok, ok, ok! Yes.

Yes, yes, I am crying.

And it's just because
I am very frightened of you.

And if you know anything
about human beings,

That means you...
You're in a lot trouble.

We will not negotiate.

[clara]
you don't have a choice.

I tell you what,

I'll answer your questions
if you answer mine.

- We will not answer questions.
- We'll take turns.

I'll go first.
Why did you kill the dinosaur?

- We will not answer...
- Why did you kill the dinosaur?

- We will not answer questions!
- Then you might
as well kill me,

Because I'm not talking again
till you do.

[exhales]

Within the optic nerve
of the dinosaur is material
of use to our computer systems.

You burned a whole dinosaur
for a spare part?

No, hang on.

You know what's in
a dinosaur's optic nerve,

Which means you've
seen them before.

Where is the other one?

How long have you been
rebuilding yourselves?

Look at the state of you.
Is there any real you left?
What's the point?

We will reach
the promised land.

The...

The what, the promised land?
What's that?

- Where is the other one?
- [sighs]

I don't know.

But I know where he will be.
Where he will always be.

If the doctor
is still the doctor...

...He will have my back.

[gasping] I'm right, aren't I?

God, please, please, god,
say I'm right.

[sighs] hello, hello,

Rubbish robots
from the dawn of time.

Thank you for all the
gratuitous information.

Five foot one and crying,
you never stood a chance.

- Stop it!
- [whirring]

This is your power source,

And feeble though it is, I can
use it to blow this whole room

If I see one thing
that I don't like.

And that includes karaoke
and mime, so take no chances.

See, clara? That's how you
disguise yourself as a droid.

Yeah, well, I didn't have
a lot of time,
I'd been suddenly abandoned.

Yeah, sorry. Well, no, actually,
I'm not, you're brilliant
on adrenalin.

You were out of your depth,
sir. Never try and control
a control freak.

- I am not a control freak!
- Yes, ma'am.

- Oh!
- Why are you here?

Why did you invite us?

The message in the paper?

That was you, wasn't it?

Oh... I hate being
wrong in public.

Everybody, forget that happened.
Clara, say the word.

- What word?
- They never sent you in here
without a word.

- I don't want to say it.
- I've guessed it already.

- [beeping]
- [both] geronimo!

[rumbling]

Remain still and lay down
your weapons, in the name
of the british empire!

- [strax] ah!
- Strax!

- Sorry.
- I've told you before,
take the stairs.

- Oh, look. The cavalry.
- I burned an ancient,
beautiful creature

For one inch of optic nerve.
What do you think you can
accomplish, little man?

- What do you? Vastra!
- [grunting]

The establishment upstairs
has been disabled
with maximum prejudice,

- And the authorities summoned.
- [clara] hang on,
she called the police?

We never do that!
We should start.

You see?
Destroy us if you will,

They're still going
to close your restaurant.

That was gonna sound better.

Then, we will destroy you.

[shouting]

No, you won't.

You're logical.
You have restraint.

You kill to survive,
you're not a murderer.

He's not a what?
This is a slaughterhouse.

And how does that
make it different
from any other restaurant?

You weren't vegetarian
the last time I checked.

This is over!
Killing us won't change that!

- What would be the point?
- To find the promised land.

You are millions of years old,
it's time you knew.
There isn't one.

- I am in search of paradise.
- [laughs] yeah, well, me too.

I'm not gonna make it, either.

- [the doctor grunts]
- doctor!

I will leave
in the escape capsule.
Destroy where necessary.

Escape capsule?
This ship is millions
of years old, it'll never fly.

- It has been repaired.
- What with?

- You.
- [strax] defensive positions,
everyone.

[clara] doctor!
He's getting away!

[cyborg]
your friend is intelligent.

He'll know better
than to follow me.

[grunts]

[groaning]

Right, here we are,
this is the place.
Come with me.

It is our intent to leave.
If it is your intent to stop us,

Perhaps we should
get down to business.

- [low rumbling]
- dear lord. What has she
landed us with this time??

[creaking, rattling]

The restaurant is closed.

Keep everyone out.
No one goes in there!

- What are you doing?
- I've got the horrible feeling
I'm going to have to kill you.

I thought you might appreciate
a drink first. I know I would.

- [clicking]
- [low rumbling]

- Watch out!
- [rumbling]

Fifty-first century, right?

Time-travelling space ship,
crashed in the past.

You're trying to get home
the long way round.

- I go to the promised land.
- So you keep saying.

[clicking]

Ok, so your restaurant

Is made out of your old ship.

But you're wasting your time.
It can't ever fly.

The escape pod is viable.

How? You can't patch up
a space ship with human remains.

You know,
this really is ringing a bell.

[air hissing]

Ok, that's clever.
How are you powering it?

Skin.

[rumbling]

Get to the station!
We need more men!

What shall I tell them
is happening?

Go on!

[vastra] how many do
you estimate, my dear?

[jenny] more than upstairs!
About 20, 30?

[vastra] the ones upstairs
were mere decoys.
These are battle-ready.

- I anticipate a challenge!
- [cyborg laughs]

Don't worry, my boy,
we shall die in glory!

Ok. Good-o!

[the doctor]
"ss marie antoinette."

Out-of-control repair droids,

Cannibalizing human beings.

I know that this is familiar,
but I just...

- ...I just can't
seem to place it.
- How would you kill me?

Sister ship of the
madame de pompadour.

[sniffs]
nope, not getting it.

- How would you kill me?
- Why don't you have a drink
first. It's only human.

- I am not human.
- Neither am I.

[strax] why can't you stay dead,
coward?!

- [grunting]
- [strax laughing]

[shouting]

[the doctor] what do you
think of the view?

- I do not think of it.
- I "don't" think of it.
I "don't."

Droids and apostrophes,
I could write a book.

Except you are...
Barely a droid any more.

There's more human in you
than machine.

So tell me... What do
you think of the view?

- It is beautiful.
- No, it isn't.

It's just far away.
Everything looks too small.

I prefer it down there.
Everything is huge.

Everything is so important.

Every detail, every moment,
every life clung to.

- How could you kill me?
- For the same reason that
you're asking me that question.

Because you don't really
want to carry on.

What will happen to the
other droids when you die?

You're the control node,
aren't you?
Presumably they'll deactivate.

I will not die.
I will reach the promised land.

There isn't any promised land.
This is just...

It's a superstition
that you have picked up

From all the humanity you've
stuffed inside yourself.

I am not dead.

You are a broom.

Question: If you take a broom,
you replace the handle,

And then later you
replace the brush,

And you do that
over and over again,
is it still the same broom?

Answer: No, of course it isn't.
But you can still
sweep the floor.

Which is not strictly
relevant, skip that last part.

You have replaced
every piece of yourself,

Mechanical and organic,
time and time again.

There's not a trace
of the original you left.

You probably can't even remember
where you got that face from.

- [clattering]
- it cannot end.

It has to.
You know it does.

- There is only one way out.
- Self-destruction is against
my basic programming.

- And murder is against mine!
- [grunting]

- [grunting, groaning]
- [sword clattering]

Jenny!

Hold your breath!
They're stupid!

Everybody hold their breath.

[whirring]

[jenny, voiceover]
I can't do it. I can't.

[vastra, voiceover]
be brave, my love.

I can store oxygen in
my lungs. Share with me.

[whirring]

[shouting, grunting]

You are stronger
than you look.

I'm hoping you are, too.

This is over.

Are you capable
of admitting that?

Do you have it in you
to murder me?

Those people down there.

They are never small to me.

Don't make assumptions about how
far I will go to protect them,

Because I've already come
a very long way.

And unlike you, I do not expect
to reach the promised land.

You realise, of course,

One of us is lying about
our basic programming.

- Yes.
- And I think we both
know who that is.

- Stop!
- [exhales]

- [gasps]
- [clicking, whirring]

- [clicking, powering down]
- [all panting]

[wind blowing]

[strax] whoa.

You're sure he'd
come back here?

There was no trace
of him in the wreckage.

They searched
all of parliament hill.
Where else would he go?

I fear we have missed him.

Please, come in.

I'm... I'm not interrupting?

I should be glad
of your company.
What can I do for you?

Oh, well, that's exactly
what I was going to ask you.

Seems like I'm stuck here now.
Got a vacancy?

[chuckles] you would be
very welcome to join
our little household.

But I have it
on the highest authority

That the doctor will be
returning for you very soon.

Whose authority?

The person who knows him
best in all the universe.

And who's that?

Miss clara oswald.

Who, perhaps has, by instinct,
already dressed to leave?

I just wanted
a change of clothes.

I don't think I know
who the doctor is any more.

[tardis whirring]

It would seem, my dear,
you are very wrong about that.

Clara!

Give him hell.
He'll always need it.

- You've redecorated.
- [the doctor] yes.

- I don't like it.
- Not entirely convinced myself.

I think there should be more
round things on the walls.

I used to have a lot
of round things.
I wonder where I put them.

I'm the doctor.

I have lived
for over 2,000 years,

And not all of them were good.

I've made many mistakes...

...And it's about time
that I did something about that.

Clara, I'm not
your boyfriend.

I never thought you were.

I never said
it was your mistake.

[whirring]

What do you think?

- Who put that advert
in the paper?
- Who gave you my number?

A long time ago, remember.
You were given the number
of a computer help line,

And you ended up
phoning the tardis.
Who gave you that number?

The woman.
The woman in the shop.

Then there is a woman out there
who is very keen

That we stay together.

[whooshing, thump]

How do you feel
on the subject?

- Am I home?
- If you want to be.

I'm sorry.

I'm-I'm so, so sorry.

But I don't think
I know who you are any more.

[phone rings]

You'd better get that.
It might be your boyfriend.

Shut up.

I don't have a boyfriend.

Hello?

- Hello?
- [man] it's me.

Yes, it's you, who's this?

It's me, clara. The doctor.

What do you mean,
"the doctor"?

I'm phoning you from trenzalore.

- I don't...
- From before I changed.

I mean, it's all still
to happen for me, it's coming.

Oh, it's a-coming.

[dialling tone]

Not long now.

[panting]
I can... Feel it.

Why? Why would you do this?

Because I think
it's going to be a whopper.

And I think you might be scared.

And however scared you are,
clara, the man you are
with right now,

The man I hope you are with,

Believe me, he is more
scared than anything
you can imagine right now.

And he... He needs you.

So who is it?

- Is that the doctor?
- Is that the doctor?

- Yes.
- He sounds old.

Please tell me I didn't get old.
Anything but old!

I was young.

Oh, is he grey?

- Yes.
- Clara, please.

'ay, for me. Help him.

Go on.

And don't be afraid.

Goodbye, clara.

Miss ya.

- [sniffles]
- well?

[sniffles]
well, what?

He asked you a question.

Will you help me?

You shouldn't
have been listening.

I wasn't. I didn't need to.

That was me talking.

[chuckles]

You can't see me, can you?

You look at me,
and you can't see me.

Have you any idea
what that's like?

I'm not on the phone,
I'm right here.

Standing in front of you.

Please, just...

Just see me.

- Thank you.
- For what?

Phoning.

I... I don't think that
I'm a hugging person now.

[clara] I'm not sure
you get a vote.

Whatever you say.

[clara] this isn't my home,
by the way.

Sorry.

I'm sorry about that,
I missed.

- Where are we?
- Glasgow, I think.

Ah. You'll fit right in.
Scottish.

Right, shall we, er...

Do you want to go
and get some coffee or...

...Chips or... Something?
Or chips and coffee?

Coffee. Coffee would be great.
You're buying.

- I don't have any money.
- You're fetching then.

I'm not sure that I'm
the fetching sort.

Yeah, still not sure
you get a vote.

[breath gasping]

[mechanical whirring]

[woman] hello!

I'm missy.
You made it.

I hope my boyfriend
wasn't too mean to you.

Boy... Friend?

Now, did he push you out
of that thing, or did you fall?

I couldn't really tell.

He can be very mean
sometimes.

Except to me, of course,
because he... Loves me so much.

I do like his
new accent, though.

I think I might keep it.

- Where am I?
- Where do you think you are?

Look around you.

You've made it.

The promised land.

[whispers] paradise!

Welcome... To heaven!

[snarls, gasps]

- Where the hell have you been?
- It's not my fault.
I got distracted.

- By what?
- We could always find
something. Come on.

- [clara] where are we going?
- [the doctor] into darkness.

Welcome to the most dangerous
place in the universe.

They're coming. They're coming!

[indistinct shouting]

The enemy are
right on top of us!

I'm sorry.

[dalek]
exterminate doctor!