Doctor Who (2005–…): Season 11, Episode 4 - Arachnids in the UK - full transcript

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Are you kidding me?

KEVIN: Sir, we need to be moving out.

- The plane is on standby.
- I say when the plane leaves, Kevin.

What do you need, money?

It's not the money, sir.
It's the logistics and the scale.

It's too big, too complex.

And, of course, the confidentiality,
it's potentially very exposing

for all of us.

But especially for you.

Frankie,



we're family, right?

I mean, you're my...

- What are you again?
- I'm your niece's wife, sir.

Exactly. But you get things done.

- (EXHALES SHARPLY)
- Now, this could destroy me for 2020.

So make it disappear.

I'm not sure I can.

(DOOR OPENING)

What?

NAJIA: Hi.

Thought I was the only one in.

I just came in to check everything
was all right before we opened.

Who the hell is this?

I'm Najia. I... I didn't realise
that you were in here



or here at all. Wow.

I thought I told you to stay
on the door, Kevin.

I came through the door to tell you
we had to leave, sir.

Unbelievable.

What, do you, uh,
work for me or something?

Yes, I'll be the general manager.

Er, I thought while we were finalising

I'd come in and familiarise myself so I
can hit the ground running

- when we officially open.
- You're fired.

Pardon?

You're fired. Get out.

- I'm so sorry.
- You have one hour

to tell me how you're gonna
make this all go away.

Okay?

Kevin, I say when we go.

- (GRAHAM GROANS)
- We're nearly there.

- (PANTING)
- (STEAM HISSING)

Are you sure you've got this
under control?

- (YASMIN GASPING)
- Totally. New systems.

Just running them in.

(TARDIS WHOOSHING)

We're home.

We're actually home!

(GASPS)

Yes! Result. See? I told you I'd do it.

We're at Park Hill.

- That's my flat, there.
- What, you live at Park Hill?

We're just up there.

YASMIN: And I've got
a mobile signal again.

But no messages.

But, to be fair, it's only half an hour
since you left.

What, half an hour since we were
with you in that warehouse?

Yeah.

Wow.

(INHALES) So...

(SMACKS LIPS)

I suppose this is it.

Yeah, I suppose it is.

Got you back. Guess we're done.

Nice having you aboard.

Thanks, Doc.

It's been a blast, truly.

Pleasure.

What are you gonna do now?

Oh, you know, back in the box.

- There's loads to see.
- By yourself?

Yeah, I suppose.

- Do you want to come for tea at mine?
- Definitely!

Yes, I would. Thanks. I love tea.

Tea at Yaz's? Amazing!

Are you coming?
Are we all going for tea at Yaz's?

She didn't invite us.

Don't be daft. Of course you're invited.

All right, then. (CHUCKLES)

Graham?

I think I'll nip home first, Yaz.

Maybe join you later,
if that's all right.

Shall I come with you?

I'd rather do it alone.

Don't go without saying goodbye.

DOCTOR: Tea at Yaz's.
Never been for tea at Yaz's!

(KNOCKING)

RYAN: I can't believe you live here.

Anna!

RYAN: I can see this block
from my window.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

Almost neighbours all this time.

I know.

- It's cool.
- Yeah.

- DOCTOR: Everything all right?
- Fine, thanks.

Anna, it'sJade Mclntyre.

I'm outside your front door. Are you in?

I'm home.
Got a couple of mates with me.

Probably all out.

You brought friends back?

Sonya, Yaz has brought friends back!

I'm getting food.

What, you actually have friends?

Is she paying you?

(LAUGHS)

Oh, look at your views!

Never had a flat.

I should get one. I'd be good in a flat.

I could get a sofa.
Imagine me with a sofa.

Like, my own sofa. I could get a...
A purple one, and sit on it.

- Am I being weird?
- A little bit, yeah.

I'm trying to do small talk.
I thought I was doing quite well.

Needs work.

Maybe I'm nervous.

Or just socially awkward.
I'm still figuring myself out.

You really like junk.
Are you collecting it, like stamps?

- Ah, let me tell you about this mess.
- Don't get him started.

YASMIN: Dad, we keep telling you,
stop picking it up.

Mum's gonna go crazy when she sees
you've brought it home again.

It stinks!

- I can't just leave it there.
- Why do we have to have it?

Well, I thought, maybe

- as your sister is a policewoman...
- Police officer.

And she said
she'd do something about it.

I did, and they're looking into it.

Well, not fast enough. It's a disgrace.

Don't keep it in the kitchen.
Put it down the chute.

It's evidence, and you know what
it's evidence of.

BOTH: A conspiracy.

Exactly, a total conspiracy!

And getting worse.

(GASPS) I love a conspiracy.

- So, are you and Yaz...
- Mates.

We were at primary school together.

Just mates, then?

Yeah.

- That's good.
- (MOBILE RINGING FAINTLY)

(MOBILE RINGING)

- Hi, Mum?
- NAJIA: (ON PHONE) Hey.

- Can you pick me up from work?
- YASMIN: What?

- Now? Er, I'm just in the middle of...
- NAJIA: Yes. Now.

It's urgent.

I'll text you the address.

Don't let on to your dad.

I'll tell you everything when I see you.

- Fine.
- NAJIA: Thanks, sweetheart.

- (MOBILE BEEPS)
- (SIGHS)

MR KHAN: Is she all right?

Yeah, she forgot something.

Asked if I'd drop it at work for her.

She's got a new job, posh hotel opening.

Er, do you mind if I nip out quickly?

- Need any company?
- Nah. I'll be fine.

Er, we'll look after your friends.

- I'm gonna make pakora.
- Dad, don't.

He's terrible at pakora.

MR KHAN: We never meet your friends!
She never brings anyone around.

Married to the job.

At least I've got a job
to be married to.

- Bye.
- Hope you don't crash.

MR KHAN: Girls, now.

Sisters.

I used to have sisters.
I used to be a sister

in an aqua hospital.

It actually turned out to be a training
camp for the Quiston Calcium Assassins.

Going off on one again.

Ooh, you've got a parcel to pick up,
left with a neighbour.

Yeah, I've been trying
to get that for days.

A couple of doors down. No reply.

Do you want me to go get it
while you make your terrible pakora?

(SIGHS)

(KEYS JINGLING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

You'll have to learn how to change
the hoover bag now.

And work out where I kept the spares.

Rubbish collection is every Friday.

Recycling, every other week.

I know.

I know.

I've got so much to tell you.

DOCTOR: No word from Graham?

Do you think I should have
gone with him?

- You know him better than me.
- Not much.

Still no answer?

We've got a package to pick up
for number 34.

Think she took it in.
Are you a friend?

We work together at the uni.
She hasn't been in for a few days.

Didn't call in sick,
isn't answering her messages.

Thought I'd drop by,
see if she's okay.

- I'm Jade.
- I'm Ryan.

- That's the Doctor.
- DOCTOR: Hello, Anna?

It's next door but one.
Have you got a parcel for us?

Mmm.

I mean,

- I could open the door.
- Mmm.

What, like, break it in?

No, just sort the lock.

If you thought it was appropriate.

If you're worried about her.

I am.

- (SONIC SCREWDRIVER WHIRRING)
- (DOOR UNLOCKS)

DOCTOR: Anna?

How long did you say it'd been
since you'd seen her?

(LIGHT SWITCH FLICKING)

- RYAN: Power's out.
- A few days.

A lot of cobwebs for a few days.

DOCTOR: Yeah,
that's what I was thinking.

Oh.

- Whoa. This is proper weird, now.
- Yeah.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Graham O'Brien,

what are you doing sniffing coats?

(SNIFFS)

- How's that going to help, eh?
- (THUDDING)

Did Anna ever mention
she had a problem with spiders?

Let's take a look downstairs.

What is that?

Anna?

RYAN: Is she in?

You okay?

Anna?

Oh my days!

(GASPS) My God! Anna!

I'm sorry.

RYAN: Spiders don't do that.

Do they?

Wrong question, Ryan.

You should be asking,
"Where's the spider that did this?"

You think it's still in here?

DOCTOR: Maybe.

Three,

two...

(GASPS)

- (HISSES)
- (RYAN GASPING)

God!

Look at the size of it!

No sudden moves.

JADE: It's domestic,
but it's way too big.

- It's not harmful.
- It suffocated your mate.

Let's put a door between us.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)

When I say "now," quick as you can.

Go, go, go!

- (RYAN GROANING)
- Go!

Ryan, keep it in there. Back in a sec.

We're out. It's contained.

Only a spider, a big spider,
but only a spider.

Not mad keen on spiders.

- Erm...
- What?

- (SKITTERING)
- (SCREAMING)

RYAN: Doctor, it's coming through!

- (BREATHING HEAVILY)
- JADE: We can't keep it in the bedroom.

Rubbish chute.
Maybe that's how it got in.

Could we drive it out through there?

And set it loose across the city? No.

We need to keep it isolated here.
(SIGHS)

Ryan, get up here.

Oi, you just covered me in vinegar.

Spiders' feet are their noses
and they hate the smell of garlic.

And the acetic acid in the vinegar
means it won't come any further.

(CLATTERING)

- Where is it?
- (SPIDER SKITTERING)

- (GASPS)
- (BOTH GASP)

(HISSING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Hi. We don't mean you any harm.

You're not supposed to be this big,

and you're definitely
not supposed to attack humans.

You stay here until I figure this out.

Deal?

Let's go.

Ugh. (PANTING)

RYAN: Oh, I did not like that.

(PANTING)

Jade Mclntyre, who are you, exactly?

I saw you check those cobwebs
and you weren't surprised.

Hey! (PANTING)

You'll never guess what I just found
in the loft room.

- It better not be a massive spider.
- Yeah.

Like a big spider, just shed its skin.

A woman has died, and I think you know
more than you're telling.

This isn't the first incident.

Something's happening
with the spiders in this city.

They're out of control.

- (SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)
- (SIGHS)

Long time to get a parcel.

She always has the weirdest friends.

JADE: The place where Anna worked
with me, it's just over the way.

I'm a research fellow in zoology,

specialising in arachnids
and arthropods,

but spiders are our main focus,

and we're seeing something very wrong
in their behaviour right now.

- How's the house?
- Yeah, fine, yeah.

- Good to be home, eh?
- Yeah.

Look, I found this on the mat.

That's your dad's handwriting, innit?

Looks like it, yeah.

- Well, you're not going to open it?
- No.

(LIGHTS BUZZING)

(DOOR LOCK BEEPING)

FRANKIE: This is my insurance policy.

Everything I did
was under strict instruction,

and non-disclosure agreements,
and against my better judgment.

And I hope one day I can forgive myself
for my part in it.

- (BREATHES HEAVILY)
- (SKITTERING)

What's that?

(SPIDER HISSING)

Oh, my God!

(SPIDER SNARLING)

(FRANKIE SCREAMING)

Flippin' heck, Mum.

NAJIA: Quick, get in before anyone sees.

- YASMIN: Hi.
- Oh! (CHUCKLES)

What's the big hug for?
I only saw you this morning!

Yeah, well, it feels longer.

(CHUCKLES)

This is well swanky.

Don't get attached. We need to go.

Can I not have a quick look around?

No, Yaz.

- I've been sacked.
- What?

Mum... But you've just started.

- I know.
- They can't do that. What happened?

- Who sacked you?
- MAN: I did.

Hands in the air, both of you.

As of right now, you're both trespassing
upon my property.

Put the gun down, please, sir.

My hotel, my rules.
You were fired.

Yet, instead of leaving,
you bring someone else in.

She's my daughter
and she's giving me a lift home.

- Oh, how very moving.
- Why'd you fire her?

I don't answer to you.

What are you, 15?
You should be in school!

Your mother isn't supposed to be here.
I told the staff to take two days off.

I came in to do extra preparation
before we opened.

Well, I really don't care,

because if I hadn't fired you then,
I would have fired you 10 minutes ago

when I saw the rooms. Disgraceful!

What rooms? I don't understand.

I'm sure you don't understand.

Would you like to see how good
your mother really isn't?

JADE: We reckon there could be around
21 quadrillion spiders

on the planet in total.

So what sort of research
are you doing in here?

We're interested in utilising
the genetic strengths of arachnids.

Ordinary spider silk is as strong
as steel, or as tough as Kevlar.

GRAHAM: Still don't make me like 'em.

DOCTOR: Ooh, fun fact.

If you weave dragline spider silk
as thick as a pencil,

it's strong enough
to stop a plane in flight.

- Mmm?
- You're kidding!

I'm not. I've had to deal with it.

Well, me and Amelia Earheart.

You'd like her. She's a right laugh.

So, what else are you doing in here?

I've been working on an enzyme
to increase their lifespan.

Spiders can keep growing
for as long as they live.

That spider in Anna's flat was way
bigger than a normal household spider.

- JADE: Yeah.
- Did Anna

- have access to your experiments?
- JADE: No!

She was on the admin team.

Everything we do here is secure.

We discard all carcasses responsibly
through a specialist company.

Unless she was taking things
without us knowing,

but she's not that kind of person.

I should notify the police.

What is it you wanted to show us?

Reports of unusual spider activity
in Sheffield over the last three months.

From the police, pest controllers
and to us, here.

Rare sightings, an increase in numbers,

spiders you don't normally see
at this time of year.

(GASPS) Something's wrong with the
spider ecosystem in South Yorkshire.

Exactly, but we don't know what.

They have nothing in common.

Different species, different quantities.

Some are large massings, some have been
a profusion of web-building.

I can't work out if they're confused,
angry, or scared.

Or trying to send a message.

What are you doing?

(GASPS)

DOCTOR: Where's that?

Now, if you're so great,

- explain this.
- (DOOR CLOSES)

- Hmm?
- (GASPS)

I can't... That's not possible.

You're fired. Again.

(SMART WATCH BEEPS)

Oh, it's time for my scheduled
bathroom break.

Kevin, we'll go next door.

And, when I'm done,
Kevin will escort you off the grounds.

Forever.

(DOOR OPENS)

YASMIN: Scheduled bathroom breaks?

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- I checked this room yesterday,

it wasn't like this.

(SKITTERING)

Did you hear that?

Yeah.

(SKITTERING)

(MOBILE RINGING)

- (MOBILE BEEPS)
- Hello?

Yeah. It's for you.

It's a doctor.

Hi, Doctor.
You're never gonna believe it.

Are you at the hotel
where your mum works?

- YASMIN: (ON PHONE) Yeah.
- Can you let us in?

Frankie, where are you?

Don't keep me waiting. (SIGHS)

(WATER RUNNING)

(THUDDING IN PIPES)

(THUDDING CONTINUES)

(THUDDING CONTINUES)

(SLITHERING)

(TUB CRACKING)

(TUB SHATTERING)

(GROANS)

(COUGHS)

(GASPS)

(SNARLS)

(SCREAMING)

Kevin! Kevin! (GASPS)

Oh, my God!

(SPIDER HISSING)

(KEVIN SCREAMING)

KEVIN: Get it off me! Help!

(KEVIN CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Hi! Yaz's mum.

- (BREATHING HEAVILY)
- Najia.

Yaz, they can't be here.

Najia, you made a very awesome human.
Tell me what's going on.

- (KEVIN SCREAMING)
- (GUNSHOTS)

- Was that gunshots?
- Come on.

- Kevin!
- (GUNSHOT)

(THUDDING BEHIND DOOR)

Is it dead?

Kevin?

(GASPS)

(MOUTHING) Oh, God!

Oh, my God!

He got Kevin.

I have no more Kevin.

I'm compromised.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(GASPS)

Oh, no, my cell!

(KEVIN GROANING)

(GASPS)

KEVIN: Help me! Help me!

(KEVIN SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(PANTING)

GRAHAM: You are joking!

- No way.
- Oh, no.

- Crisis investigators.
- (GASPS)

You just ran really quickly
out of a room looking really scared.

Tell me exactly what's going on,

omitting no detail,
no matter how strange.

A giant spider just smashed
through my bathtub

and took out my bodyguard Kevin.

Right.

Very succinct summary.
Well done.

You just wait here with my people.

Spider smashed through a bath.

(BREATHING HEAVILY) Right.

(DOOR OPENS)

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- (SIGHS)

Hey.

Hey.

You're that bloke.

(INHALES SHARPLY) Yeah.

- (LAUGHING)
- All right.

The room next door
is covered in cobwebs.

- Top to bottom.
- Just like your neighbour's house.

- What?
- Big spider problem

in this city right now, Yaz.
Glad to be home?

(SONIC SCREWDRIVER WHIRRING)

(SONIC SCREWDRIVER BEEPS)

(PANTING)

(SKITTERING)

Hi.

(HISSES)

Looking for a Kevin.

- See it?
- Really close.

(BOTH PANTING)

MAN: Did you see it? Did you find him?

- (PANTING)
- Where's Kevin?

We need to move out of this area, quick.
It's too dark, too deserted.

Spiders love that.

We need to go somewhere bright and busy.

No, no, no. No, we need to get
as far away from that thing as possible.

- I'm with him.
- I know the way out.

- Everyone, follow Yaz's mum.
- NAJIA: It's Najia.

Wait!

- Who are you people?
- Word of advice, mate.

Run now, ask questions later.

(ALL BREATHING HEAVILY)

RYAN: Oh, that's bad.

Oh.

YASMIN: We just came in that way.

How have they done so many webs so fast?

GRAHAM: Never mind that,
let's just get through 'em.

No, this can't be happening.

This is a protest.
One of those eco-protests, huh?

This isn't spiders.
Spiders can't do that.

These spiders can.
Those aren't normal cobwebs.

They know we're here,
and they're trying to seal us in.

They're trying to make the whole hotel
their web.

And we're the flies.

We're not leaving.

We have to find out why they're here
and stop them getting any further.

We need to find a safe haven. Yaz's mum?

Kitchen?

DOCTOR: Lead on.

(PANTING) Good. This will do.

Okay, thinking. Need to be quick.
Spiders move in fast.

Why is this hotel the epicentre
of spider activity?

Wait!

Nobody talk until you tell me
what you're all doing here!

(BREATHING HEAVILY) "Spiders"?

- Plural?
- Very plural.

Sorry, I don't know who you are.

Oh! (SCOFFS) Really?

Because you must be the only person
on the planet that doesn't.

Are you Ed Sheeran? Is he Ed Sheeran?

Everyone talks about Ed Sheeran
round about now, don't they?

I am not Ed Sheeran, I am Jack Robertson
and this is my hotel.

Just one hotel in an incredibly
successful chain of hotels,

which is just one small part
of my business portfolio

as featured in Fortune Global 500.

Does that ring a bell?

Should I look impressed right now?
Is that impressive?

He's running for President in 2020.

- Ed Sheeran?
- No, him. Robertson. Aren't you?

Well, I haven't declared
my intentions yet.

But, look, we're talking about spiders.

See? Typical politician,
avoiding the question.

I am not a politician,
I'm a businessman

and I know how to run things.

I've heard you're only running because
you've hated Trump for decades.

Please don't mention that name.
(INHALES SHARPLY)

Look, I was just attacked by a spider
the size of a bathtub

- and it's all her fault!
- I told you, I know nothing about this.

Mum, don't even talk to him,
he fired you.

What? He didn't!

You didn't! You can't be President
if you fire Yaz's mum.

- Najia.
- I hate spiders.

- Phobia-hate.
- RYAN: Oh, man. Me too.

And there's loads of them
knocking about right now.

I will not have them in my hotel.

I mean, you're running for President,

it could be espionage, you know,
targeted directly...

At you by Russians!

That's possible. There are a lot of
people that would like to see me dead.

- Funny that.
- See?

They don't need giant spiders,

they'd just pop a tiny poisonous one
on your pillow.

You've really got to stop
saying stuff like that.

- So, what do we do?
- Why are you asking her?

- 'Cause she's in charge, bro.
- ROBERTSON: Says who?

ALL: Says us!

NAJIA: How do you all know each other?

Mum, can you shut up a second?

Right, we need two things.

Plans of the hotel and a captive spider.

I'm not getting near the spider.

GRAHAM: I really don't like this.

I don't want to do this.

(SIGHS) I can't stand it.
Come on, Graham, deep breaths now.

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

Sorry, mate, don't mind me.

No, no, go on. You carry on.

Stay away. Go on, stay away.

Nothin' to see here.

I'm warnin' ya.

Go on, get away!

Ooh, I've got ya! (LAUGHING)

You took your time!

- One, two, three, lift it!
- Ooh! (BREATHING HEAVILY)

- Graham!
- What?

- RYAN: Behind you!
- All right! Leg it!

- (RYAN GASPING)
- Faster, come on!

Now, hotel plans. Let's see.

That can't be accurate, it doesn't even
have my panic room marked on it.

Any issues with spiders
before today, Najia,

- here or at home?
- My home?

One of your neighbours
had a spider problem.

The link between both places is you.

I knew it, and I'm going to litigate you
until your last breath, Nah-dia.

It's Najia, and I've done nothing.

- Are you sure?
- NAJIA: Sorry, but who are you?

How do you know my daughter?
Why haven't I met you before?

Oh, not now.

Oh, yes, now.
It's not a difficult question.

- It is a bit of a long answer.
- Well, I've got time.

But I haven't. Not right now.

Are you two seeing each other?

(SCOFFS)

I don't think so. Are we?

- We're friends!
- Mmm.

I owe the Doctor my life,
quite a few times over.

What is that even supposed to mean?

Please, can we not have
this conversation now?

And not in front of him.

Oh, I'm enjoying this.

How long did it take you
to build this hotel?

ROBERTSON: Five years.

We have 15 of these hotels
throughout the world now.

Repurposing former industrial sites
into luxury leisure venues.

Repurposing?
What was the site before?

I don't have...

Clarity on that.

I do.

Coal mines. This was mining land.

JADE: That's not good.

GRAHAM: You're telling me,
I can't stand 'em.

- JADE: No, I've seen these before.
- (GRAHAM GROANS)

Was that the largest one out there?

Well, we're... We're not going to go
and double-check, are we?

Are we?

I'm afraid I'm going to need you
to do exactly that

while I find the others.

We've just passed the entrance
to the back of the spa.

We should be here now.

You're not going down there.
It's too dangerous.

I eat danger for breakfast.

I don't, I prefer cereal.
Or croissants.

Or those little fried Portuguese...

Never mind, it's not important.

Ha! See?

Look at this!
"Keep out, danger of death."

You are not authorised
to go in here!

Dude, I've all the authorisation
I ever need.

(SONIC SCREWDRIVER WHIRRING)

I call people "dude" now.

Doctor, I need to speak to you.

We need to do it as we walk.

There's something behind this door
people want to keep locked away.

Oh, sure, it's a party.
Everybody can come.

Thanks.

Doctor, I've seen these spiders before.

- But you.
- You're not the boss of me any more.

(SIGHS)

(DOOR BOLT LOCKING)

DOCTOR: Nice work, Yaz.

ROBERTSON: No, not nice work.
None of you are allowed down here.

Are all your hotels built
on repurposed sites?

ROBERTSON: Well, that's the business!

I mean, every city in the world,
big or small,

has an area that they want repurposed.

Maybe it's not too pretty.
Maybe it's never been used.

Maybe it's an industry that's died.

We go in and we help them figure it out.

We get a good deal,

but we give them world-class facilities.

It's a win for everybody!

A network of mining tunnels

could explain how the bigger spiders
are moving.

The question is,
does that make your hotel

their target or their base?

What is that smell?

What are they?

Oh, my God.

You guys, stay back.

Keep an eye out for me.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(SIGHS)

(STRAINING)

ROBERTSON: Oh, my God.

Do you know who this is?

Her name is Frankie.
Look what they did to her!

Why are they in cocoons?

I think they're being stored as food.

Spiders don't eat people.

DOCTOR: I said they're being stored.
They haven't eaten them.

They're outsized and confused.

All their behavioural patterns
have been disrupted.

How did they get like this?

JADE: It doesn't make any sense.

This is not what spiders do.

(STRAINING)

DOCTOR: I presume this is Kevin.
ROBERTSON: Yeah.

YASMIN: Doctor.

ROBERTSON: You don't need
to go any deeper!

- What is it?
- Look.

(SIGHS)

YASMIN: Have you seen what's down here?

It's landfill.

- Is that what the smell is?
- (SONIC SCREWDRIVER WHIRRING)

It goes on for miles.

And down.

Your hotel's built on landfill?

I have a lot of companies, okay?

Er, JLR does corporate waste disposal.

Very efficient, very highly-rated
internationally.

You fill up disused mines with landfill
waste and build a luxury hotel on top.

Smart business planning.
Perfect vertical integration.

NAJIA: All your hotels
are built this way?

Not quite perfect, I'm afraid.

Not quite efficient.

A blocked-in site pumping out

methane and sulphides
and trichloroethylene.

Never mind the specialist material
that hasn't been properly preserved.

A soup of toxic waste,
incredibly badly managed.

I mean, there's no outlet for it.
It's just building and marinading

and becoming more and more toxic.

- It's a botched job!
- I didn't know.

NAJIA: Yes, you did.

That's what she was telling you
when I saw you.

- That woman Frankie.
- (SCOFFS)

She was telling you
this site is unsafe.

Okay, all right. You're right.
That's why I came here.

ApparentlyJLR was a little overzealous
in cutting corners

and worried about
keeping the bottom line

instead of doing the right thing.

But I just sign the contracts, okay?

I expect other people to do theirjobs.

- This is not on me.
- Don't you even care?

Look, I'm going to pay you all off.
You'll never have to work again.

I like working.
Do you know the worst thing?

Bits of this
is leaking out above here.

It's in my kitchen.
My husband's right, it's a conspiracy.

Do you have any idea how annoying it is
when my husband's right?

Look, I've never even been down here.

It doesn't even add up.

It does for me.

JLR Disposal.
JLR takes the waste from our lab.

Our aborted experiments
and our spider carcasses.

And they're all in there.

Your spider carcasses
in his toxic waste!

Not my fault! I didn't know anything
about spider carcasses.

Of course you didn't!
You don't know anything.

You just avoid
taking any responsibility.

I'm running through our work,
stuff we shut down.

Spiders bioengineered for stronger
cobwebs, prolonged life.

Because spiders can keep growing
as long as they live.

What if our waste included something
that we thought was dead,

but was stilljust alive?

And with enough food
in all that waste to survive,

and enough toxicity to mutate

and to keep on growing.

(DOOR CREAKING)

GRAHAM: I don't know what she expects
us to bring back.

- Graham?
- Mmm-hmm?

I've read the letter.

- Oh. Huh.
- From my dad.

He said he's sorry for not being there.

For me. For us.

For Nan.

- Yeah?
- He wants us to reconnect.

Says that I can live with him now,
being that he's my proper family.

Oh.

- Right.
- I don't like that he put that.

"Proper family." He's not proper.

- Ryan.
- What?

Did you check the ceiling?

No.

Neither did I.

- (GASPS)
- (SKITTERING)

(HISSES)

(ROARS)

(BOTH PANTING)

- We found out what's going on...
- Massive spider in the ballroom!

How massive?

The size of a large van.

- Oh, that is massive!
- Must be the mother.

And the rest of the babies.
Some stayed here,

some went out into the city,

their pheromones disrupting
the spider ecosystem,

causing other spiders
to behave abnormally.

Of course.
Najia, you were never the link.

Your colleague Anna, what if she had
the same pheromones on her?

Accidentally calling out to a spider

that had gone out hunting
from this hotel.

All these spiders
answering the same call,

because in the end, every living thing
has the same instinct,

- to come back home.
- That's very touching,

but there's a plague in my hotel
and it needs to be fixed.

Show me your panic room.

(RETINA SCANNER WHIRRING)

(LOCK BEEPING)

(DOOR UNLOCKING)

GRAHAM: Looks like a bank vault.

My lockdown palace.

I have one in every hotel,
just in case it's needed.

Not finished yet, but, still...

What's in the boxes?

Food, water.

Entertainment system.

A book.

I could survive in here for six months
if I needed to.

And I've got a huge stash of weapons.

Enough for all of us.
Enough for two guns apiece.

Ah, mate, she's not going to like that.

No, I'm not.

- You are not shooting those creatures.
- Told ya.

- They're mutants.
- Caused by you.

Your carcasses, lady, not mine.

Whatever happened,

there are living, breathing organisms
out there

and we treat them with dignity.

- So, here's what we're going to do...
- Shoot 'em!

- We're not going to shoot them!
- What's wrong with you people?

What is wrong with this country?

Why don't you do what normal people do?

Get a gun, shoot things
like a civilised person!

DOCTOR: Because I've got
a much better idea.

Spiders are roaming this hotel,
searching for food.

We're going to lure them in here
with the promise of food

then deal with the spider mother
in the ballroom.

Ah. That sounds like the best novel
Edith Wharton never wrote.

NAJIA: Once they're in here,
what happens?

We shut them in and isolate them.

You're going to let spiders
use my panic room?

- They deserve a humane, natural death.
- Shooting's quicker.

(SIGHS) So how are you
going to lure them?

Spiders gravitate to their food
through vibration.

Any ideas?

Easy.

Raze. Am I right?

I don't know what you're saying.

Yaz, you're so uncool right now.

(STORMZY'S KNOW ME FROM
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

Sheffield's sickest grime station.

♪ Lo-look I'm a boss man like Birdie
I'm a badman like Shirley

♪ Big man like me with a beard
Look how am I scared?

♪ How can I?

♪ God's wrath is the only power man fear

♪ Couple skengman, then showerman here

♪ Shower man down in my shower man gear

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Talk about me
you better hashtag problem

♪ Hashtag problem

♪ Adidas creps
Don't ask where I got them

♪ Don't ask

♪ Don't ask what they are
Don't ask if I copped them

♪ Fool

♪ I go hard for my team
I go hard for my squadron

Go on, you disgusting things.

GRAHAM: Can you believe they're
actually moving towards that music, eh?

♪ Where do you know me from?

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Out here like the Roll Deep song
Man, I'm tryna put my Co-Ds on

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ I do not know this don
Where do you know me from?

♪ Go, go!

♪ Where do you know me from?
Where do you know me from?

♪ Go, go!

♪ Where do you know me from?

Yeah, baby.

ROBERTSON: Yeah, that's it.

You see this?
That's who's in charge now.

Yeah.

I'm talking to spiders.

You three, into the spa. Get every
bottle of essential oils that you can.

What are we going to do,
spa it into submission?

Pretty much.
Meet you outside the ballroom.

(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)

So, are you two...

- RYAN: No.
- No.

Oh.

♪ Know me from,
Where do you know me from?

♪ Where do you know me from?
Where do you know me from?

♪ Where do you know me from?

♪ Where do you know...
I'm good and out ♪

Ooh.

Very big spider.

RYAN: What have we got?

Peppermint and tea tree oil
diluted with water.

Spider repellent.

I'm hoping this will help us
herd it out.

You want us to herd out a giant spider?
They're attacking people.

Stop a second.

Can you see that?

(SNARLS)

She's grown too big.

JADE: She's suffocating.

She's got too big
to breathe efficiently.

Even moving around in here, it's using
up what little oxygen she can absorb.

She won't survive for long.

She's more scared of us
than we are of her.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

So, what do we do, just leave her?

No, absolutely not!

My hotel! My rules.

I'm the future
President of the United States.

How's this for fire and fury?

No, don't!

- (SCREECHES)
- DOCTOR: Oh!

(SPIDER SNARLING)

Put the gun down!

She wasn't even a threat.
She was dying anyway.

Oh, well, then it's a mercy killing.

I don't see any mercy in you.

I don't need your approval, Doctor.

This is what the world needs right now.

This is what's going to get me
into the White House.

God help us all.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(DOOR CREAKING)

RYAN: I'm gonna see the Doctor.

- See you down there?
- Yeah.

(SIGHS)

- Can you please just clear them away?
- (SIGHS)

There's no bread.

- Sonya, I said get some more.
- Why are you blaming me?

It could have been Yaz.

- I'll go to the shop.
- Oh, thanks, love.

MR KHAN: One day you'll realise I was
right about all this stuff, you know.

And when you get back,

you can tell me the truth
about how you know the Doctor.

Yeah.

When I get back.

Hurry up, will ya?

SONYA: Oh, you two.
MR KHAN: Love ya.

I'm so sorry.

MR KHAN: What's wrong with that? Hmm?

NAJIA: Do you want a brew?

(SIGHS)

(DOOR CREAKS)

A proper goodbye this time?

- About that...
- Do we have to?

You see, Doc, the thing about grief
is it needs time and...

Well, I don't want to sit around
my house waiting for it to go away.

'Cause that house is full of Grace,
and it makes it so much harder.

But, er...

Being with you and seeing
all these things...

It really helps.

What about you?

Do you really think I want to go back
to working in that warehouse?

No way.

Yaz, you wanted to come home.

I know.

I love my family,

but they also drive me
completely insane.

I want more.

More of the universe.

More time with you.

You're like the best person
I've ever met.

You're pretty awesome.

You're all right, I suppose.

(SIGHS)

I can't guarantee
that you're gonna be safe.

- We know.
- Do you?

Really? 'Cause when I pull that lever,

I'm never quite sure
what's gonna happen.

That's okay.

You're not gonna come back
as the same people that left here.

But that's all right.
I think that's good.

Be sure.

All of you.

Be sure.

Sure.

Sure.

Deffo.

Look at you!

My fam! No, still doesn't quite work.
Team TARDIS?

Mmm. We'll take that.

Welcome aboard.

Properly.

(GASPS)

Do you want to do it together?

I love this bit.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

DOCTOR: Sonic mine.

YASMIN: Where are we?

GRAHAM: We're in hospital.

So it's just us, alone.

COMPUTER: Risk to life: Ultimate.