Doc Martin (2004–…): Season 4, Episode 7 - Do Not Disturb - full transcript
Annoyed that the reference Martin has given her terms her merely 'competent', Pauline works to rule. Chaos ensues. Joan starts a bed and breakfast, her first guest being Ted Nugent, a neighbour who has lost his farm. His breath smells vile and, after he collapses, Martin finds that it is due to his eating his hair in worry. Martin accompanies Edith to a conference where she is giving a speech. She has plans to spend the night with him but, after administering to the ills of the hotel staff, he returns to Portwenn instead.
Louisa.
Hello, Martin.
I know that you heard
about my new job in London.
Yes, and that's... that's
great news, for you.
Really, really well done.
I did try to tell you.
Morning, Miss Glasson.
Hello there.
I was just trying to find
the appropriate moment.
Well, I'm not sure it's
particularly appropriate right now.
You might have told me first
I do have a right to know.
I am carrying your child.
A child which you have said
I'm to have nothing to do with.
No, that's not what I said.
You have made it abundantly
clear from the from the outset
that you wished to bring
up this baby on your own.
Because you wouldn't
want to get involved.
That's an outrageous assumption!
Yet here we are, discussing
your move to London.
Which you just
congratulated me on, so -
I really don't have time for this.
Louisa.
There are some practicalities
that need to be addressed.
Louisa?
We need to be clear
about some... things.
Sorry, doc. I'm not interrupting, am I?
Of course you are. Oh.
Ah, Louisa. I'm glad I
caught you. Now listen.
You're having a baby.
Mm-hm. I'm aware of that.
So what I'm thinking is, baby shower.
Well, that sounds lovely, but really?
It'd be a chance for the village
to show you how much we care.
Oh!
We do care, you know.
Well, if it's really no bother...
It'll be my pleasure. We'll do it
at my restaurant tomorrow evening.
Thanks, Bert! OK.
Morning!
Hello.
All right to put some of these out?
What are they?
Flyers for the farm. I'm doing B&B.
No use relying on a few chickens and
a vegetable patch to keep me afloat.
When did you get a thatched roof?
Yes. Well, the man at the copying
place did it on his computer.
Hm.
Morning, Joan.
Ted! I haven't seen your for ages.
How are you?
To be honest, I've been better.
That's why I've come to see the doc.
Nothing serious, I hope? Probably
just too many miles on the clock.
Welcome to my world.
Oh, um... you take one of these,
and if you know anyone who
wants a holiday in Cornwall...
B&B?
Needs must.
Are you booked this week? No,
I've just had flyers printed.
Do you think you could fit me in?
You?
I can't stay at the farm.
Why not?
The bank decided enough's
enough. They want me out.
If I could hide away here for a few
days, you know, till the dust settles,
I'd be ever so grateful.
Of course you can stay, Ted.
You're very kind, Joan.
Oh, there's just one thing.
Because it's summer,
I'm afraid I'm going
to have to charge you peak season rate.
Oh!
Well, if I'd known the
receptionist was so good-looking,
I'd have come here earlier.
I'm not the receptionist.
I'm the practice manager.
And you don't have an appointment.
So much for flattery.
Would it help if I told you I was dying?
Well, I'm not, but I mean, would
it help if I told you I was?
Sit down.
Is the doc going to be much longer?
What time do you call this?
I call it a few minutes
before surgery opens.
Where's the receptionist?
Just in the kitchen,
making you some coffee!
I'm an early bird, but
I don't catch no worms.
I thought we had an agreement
- you can't make coffee.
I make my own.
Fine! Just trying to help.
Honestly, that postman
should really take more care.
Pauline?
You opened this!
No, I didn't.
This person has an emergency.
You can go in now.
You're lying.
Well... maybe I am, but that
doesn't give you a right to accuse me
of opening your post when you're
about to run off to London.
I have every right to
accuse you of opening my post
if in fact you have opened
my post, which you have!
Well, how else was I going to find out?
I just turn up at work one
day and find the place empty?
That wouldn't happen. A
new doctor's taking over.
What's going to happen to me?
I'll give you a reference.
Oh, you'll tell the
new doctor to keep me?
No, I can't do that.
If he doesn't have a
job for you... when...
What?
Uh, you'll have to find
alternative employment.
Pauline said you had an emergency.
I'm constipated.
Pauline was wrong, then.
It is quite uncomfortable.
Stand up. Are you in pain now?
Well, not pain as such,
but I do feel a bit sick.
Have you tried laxatives?
No.
Well, go to Mrs Tishell and get some.
If that doesn't work, come
back and see my replacement.
Is that it, then?
No. You have really bad breath.
Get some mouthwash
while you're there. Hm!
She been in the wars?
Oh! The older ones keep
picking on her, poor thing.
I dab then with pine tar.
Oh. I use a mixture of cayenne
pepper and garlic powder myself.
The cayenne staunches the bleeding,
and the garlic has antibiotic
qualities. Heals them up in no time.
Plus she's already
seasoned for the oven.
So! How did you get on with Martin?
Well, I wouldn't give him full
marks for his bedside manner.
There's not many as would.
Now, let me show you to your room.
My first paying guest!
Excuse I!
Is that all your luggage?
I'm not planning to stay very long.
Got a financial adviser working
out how I can pay off my debts
and open up the farm again.
Perhaps I should just book
you in for a couple of nights.
Well, 20 pounds a night's
as much as I can afford.
Actually, it's 30 pounds a night.
Ted!
Ted!
Your reference.
Competent?
What's that supposed to mean?
It means you've improved.
I'm going for lunch...
.. if you think I'm competent
enough to eat a sandwich.
'I want you to imagine you're
standing in an operating theatre,
controlling the area you
stand in, your domain. '
'Imagine you're standing
there, in your scrubs,
Patient is prepped.
The field is sterile.
Try and remember how it felt to be
there. Try to recall every sense. '
'You walk towards the
patient. You pick up a scalpel,
you prepare to begin an operation.
Doc?
'Remember to keep breathing. '
Is it true?
Is what true?
Word on the street.
You're heading back to London?
It's of no concern to you.
Is there nothing I can
say, nothing I can do,
to make you change your mind?
No.
You know, I could always
transfer to the Met.
You couldn't.
Why not?
As far as I'm aware,
they don't employ people
with a history of narcolepsy,
agoraphobia and general ineptitude.
But you can get a medical job in London,
even though you're scared of blood?
I'm not scared of blood.
How come?
Goodbye.
I'll miss our little chats.
Hm.
If I don't do something properly
you will tell me, won't you?
Of course.
Yeah. You're a guinea pig, as it were.
Good to test the water
with someone I know.
This tea's too milky.
Oh!
Sorry.
Thank you for pointing it out.
Would you like some hotpot?
Is it free?
Supper's not included in the price.
Then I'll say no.
I'm not that hungry.
Mm. Are you feeling any better?
Not really, no.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Your telephone's definitely working?
The financial bloke said
he'd ring this afternoon.
You really think you'll
get back to your farm?
It's my home.
Couldn't your daughter help?
Take you in for a while?
Huh. Fran's as broke as me.
She's offered me a spare bedroom,
but it's a long way to go.
They live in Devon now. Why would
I want to go and live in Devon?
When you say, 'as broke as me',
you have got the cash to pay me?
'Imagine the operation continuing...
.. cutting in deeper,
all the time breathing...
...in and our...
Evening, Ellingham.
Edith.
It's my speech.
I thought you were happy with it. I was,
until I read last year's
key note lecture again.
It made my effort - our
effort - seem a little dull.
So you inserted a paragraph of claptrap?
It's a joke.
Is it?
Yes.
I'm leading with it, to put
the audience at its ease.
Do you think that's a good idea?
To put the audience at
ease? You telling a joke.
I've studied the timing
and the inflection.
I think I can pull it off.
You're not still fondling
your comfort blanket?
That's what it's for, isn't it?
It's what it WAS for, Ellingham.
You should be way past
simple desensitisation by now.
We'll travel to the
conference together, yes?
I should be done by three-thirty,
so come and pick me up.
I'm busy till four. Drive yourself.
I'll meet you at the hotel.
Very good.
We can skip the formal dinner,
but I would like to show
my face at the drinks do.
Wouldn't do you any harm to mingle.
I never mingle.
There may be some people from Imperial.
Wouldn't hurt to say hello.
What do you want me to do with that?
A laparotomy.
I see.
Make a midline incision.
There wouldn't be that much blood.
Then it's an emergency splenectomy.
A right paramedial incision.
Well done.
Big difference between a plastic bag
of blood and a haemorrhaging patient.
Glad you noticed.
Have a close read of
that speech, will you?
If you have any suggested
changes, let me know
first thing in the morning.
Yes.
See you tomorrow.
I'm having my breakfast, Al!
Please don't, uh,
treat Pauline like this.
I'm sorry you're leaving, Doc, but
you do owe her a decent reference.
I've given her a reference.
Oh, come on, Doc.
I mean, she's worked
for you for three years.
I know that.
Well, what are you doing?
I mean, she's always
tried her best, and, well,
you hardly thank her for
everything she's done.
She hasn't done that much.
Ah. Now, think about that, Doc.
Think about that, because I know
that you know, deep down inside,
she's done a lot. She bled your patients
when you couldn't face it.
She's covered your back, Doc.
She kept you going.
So. Will you change the reference?
No.
Ooh! Hello, Louisa.
I've just got a few cakes and
doilies for your baby shower.
Oh, lovely! Why do they call it that?
No one takes a shower, do they?
No!
I've been meaning to say,
once you've had the baby,
if you ever need any help
with anything, anything at all,
I can always send Al over
to do whatever you want.
Oh, I'll be fine, thanks.
You say that, but you'll be on your own.
You might need a man round the house.
I'll manage on my own. I won't need
help, from you, Al or anyone. OK?
I hear what you're saying, but
with the Doc going back to London -
Bert! I'll see you later.
Morning, Dr Ellingham.
The phone's ringing. I know.
Well, answer it.
I will answer it, Dr Ellingham, just
as soon I start work?
What?
My hours are 9 am till 6 pm.
I used to take blood, but as you no
longer require my phlebotomy skills,
you only employ me for
admin and communication.
It's only 8:57, three minutes,
till my duties commence.
Ah. Don't worry. I'm
sure they'll call back.
No, I think I have a room free. I've
just got to check with my current guest.
Actually, I would be
delighted to take your booking.
Yeah. Right. 0207... right...
Right. Well, I look forward
to seeing you then. Goodbye.
Tea? Give me a chance.
Did you sleep in that
hat? Didn't sleep at all.
I heard you on the landing a few times.
I thought the laxative was starting
to work. Turns out I was wrong.
Will you be wanting breakfast?
No, I'm not really hungry.
Where's that tea? It's coming.
I've, um, had a booking
from a family in London.
They want to stay this
weekend. Ooh. London, eh?
You can charge top prices. They
won't know you're ripping them off!
I am not ripping anyone off.
Lumpy bed? No kettle in the bedroom?
One pillow? And you expect
me to pay 20 pounds a night?
I would prefer 30 pounds,
and if you're not happy,
perhaps you might like to
find somewhere else to stay.
Do you have a spot more milk?
And out.
Cough. It hurts when I cough.
And again.
Doc?
Pauline!
Got an emergency right here.
What?
Where's the emergency?
Mr Baker's in there.
I think he needs help.
Mr Baker? Are you ill?
Of course I am! Why do you
think I made an appointment?
What's the problem? You've
run out of toilet paper.
Running out of lavatory
paper isn't an emergency.
Bloody well is!
I know what you're doing.
This is childishly transparent.
I don't fetch toilet paper.
It's not part of my job description.
I answer the phone, do
filing, make appointments.
Everything else is down to you.
I won't respond to blackmail.
Suit yourself.
Get out.
Excuse me?
You heard me.
Ah! Almost had her that time.
If you don't catch one soon,
it's baked beans for dinner.
Are you all right?
Ooh! Terrible heartburn.
Well, what from? You haven't
eaten since you got here!
Ah, I'll be all right. Let
me give you a hand with that.
No, no. There's no need.
You're a paying guest, remember?
No, I want to.
Oof! We can choke that chicken later.
Surgery.
Is it an emergency?
No, it's not an emergency, then.
Is Pauline here? No.
She said she'd got a
repeat prescription for me,
and she'd keep it safe
till I picked it up.
Take a seat...
Surgery!
No need to ask if I've
got the right number.
Edith, I'm very busy.
So am I, Ellingham.
But only one of us is
giving a lecture to eminent
gynaecologists in a few hours.
What do you want?
I thought you might want to know,
Laura Hoskins is
coming to the conference
Who? 'Emeritus Professor
of Obstetrics at Imperial. '
She can't wait to meet you. She
can't wait to have you join them.
I said you'd be delighted...
Can we talk at the hotel?
I have a lot of patients.
What hotel's that, then? Somewhere nice?
Mind your own business. Next patient.
Oh, I'm next. I'm next.
I've been waiting ages.
You.
My so-called financial
adviser just rang.
And?
His advice, in a nutshell -
I'm buggered.
I'm sorry. I've no chance
of running the farm again.
No chance I'll even
be able to live there.
It was my dad's farm,
and his dad's before him.
Now I'll have to give it to the bank...
.. find somewhere to
go, something to do.
Oh, what's the matter?
Oh, it's nothing.
Well, no. You pulled a face.
I'm sorry. It's, um...
.. it's your breath.
What about it?
Well, it... it's rather pungent.
What, are you saying I stink?
Did nobody else mention it?
Like who?
Well, your family. Your friends.
I haven't got any friends.
My daughter and her
kids are my only family.
I haven't seen them in a year.
Aa-aah!
Ted?
I can't turn it any more than that.
Well, don't turn it then.
Stand up. Face the window.
Is it true you are leaving Portwenn?
It's probably just a muscle spasm.
Apply a hot compress
followed by a cold compress.
Do you want me to get
the phone for you, Doc?
No. Get out.
Right you are.
Rumour has it you're off to London.
Get out!
Martin, I think Ted's
having a heart attack.
Right. You go.
Have you finished with me?
Yes.
He's been complaining of chest pains.
In fact he's been
complaining about everything.
Lie on the couch.
Have you had a bowel
movement since we last met?
No. Haven't felt like it.
But I bet she still
charges for breakfast.
I'm not a charity. Nah,
you're worse than the bank.
Stop talking. Martin,
you realise it's bedlam?
Yes.
Where's Pauline?
Thank you.
He'll beg me to work there again.
Huh!
What?
Doc's not really a begging kind, is he?
Firing, yeah. Writing a
bad reference, no problem.
But begging?
Anyway, he's off to London, so it's
the new doc you've got to impress.
And without a better
reference, you've got no chance.
I might have got a better one
if you'd said the right things.
He'd made up his mind. He
wasn't going to change it.
Are you trying to depress me?
No, I'm being realistic.
By telling me I'll never work
ever again? I didn't say that.
Don't be such a drama queen.
A jellyfish stung me!
Jellyfish?
It's stung me!
Better get to the doctor.
No, I don't want to see him!
Ugh! Stick your leg out.
What are you doing?
It's a well-known fact,
urine stops a jellyfish
sting hurting so much.
Don't be disgusting. Take me to the Doc.
All right. Ahh!
All right. That's it.
Everything seems perfectly
normal. Are you sure?
I feel like I'm going to burst!
Oh, God. Lie down.
Unbuckle your belt. Undo the
top button of your trousers.
Does that hurt. No.
Well, it's not peritonitis.
Ugh! If you must breathe, would you
turn your head the other way, please?
Does it hurt there? No, that's fine.
Are you sure? Yeah! Why?
There's a significant
mass in your abdomen.
Could be a growth, could be a tumour.
What, like cancer? Possibly.
I'll book you in for an ultrasound
scan and CT as soon as possible.
Meantime...
Yeah. Try not to worry.
.. pull your trousers up.
Doc! Got a jellyfish
sting! I'm in agony!
I was going to wee on her,
but she wouldn't let me.
That's a myth. Don't do it.
Auntie Joan, would you
take Mr Nugent home, please?
Do I have to? Yes. Out of
here, come on, all of you.
You too, Al.
Not you, you're my patient. Stay there.
I've never been your patient before.
All these years, I've always
been the one sending them in,
not the one being examined.
Pop up here.
OK.
What are you going to do? I'm
going to remove the nematocysts.
You mean stingy thingies?
Duh...
Shush.
I don't want things to
end like this between us.
I can tell you feel the same. Mph!
It's going to be weird without you.
I'm not looking forward to it,
especially if we can't get things
back to how they were before I quit.
You didn't quit.
I dismissed you.
Only cos I made you do it.
Any way we can just
forget about what happened,
I work normally, and you
can change my reference?
I'm not changing your reference.
Oh, don't leave us, Doc! Bet
the new doc's better-looking.
Can I come to London with you, Doc?
Tosser.
Louisa. We really should
discuss some practicalities,
about the baby. Do you
want to do that now?
Through the window,
with the engine running?
No, I'm late for a conference.
I'm late for a baby shower.
What's that?
Bert's idea.
It's at the restaurant.
Presents, food, drink.
You don't know what I'm
talking about, do you?
Can we at least agreed
meet at some point?
Ellingham.
Marti, can you get to
the farm right away?
It's Ted Nugent again.
Now what? 'He's not at all well. '
Yes, I know that. That's
why I... I think he's dying.
I'm on my way.
I have to go.
Well, me too.
I'll call you.
I've made him a cup of tea.
That's nice.
You said he was dying.
Well, I thought he was.
I'm late for a conference, you know.
Please stop him doing that.
I feel like something
wants to come up, Doc.
I've ordered you a CT scan for Monday.
That lump could be causing
abdominal discomfort.
The tumour
- it burns something terrible.
Do you have any antacid? What?
For heartburn, indigestion?
I think I've got something.
Good...
Ellingham.
You on your way? 'I'm with a patient. '
Is that just an excuse you
trot out whenever you're late?
Of course not. 'Call an ambulance. '
"We can't talk through my speech
if you're helping the Great Unwashed. '
I'll see you at the hotel.
Mr Nugent? Will this help?
Wait. Would you please
take off your hat?
What?
Take off my lucky hat?
Oh my God!
That head's been on my linen!
What's happened to your
hair? Have you been eating it?
What are you talking about?
Be quiet.
Have you been eating
your hair, Mr Nugent?
Maybe. I suppose.
Does it matter?
Given the state of you, I'd
say it was worth asking, yes.
It makes me feel better, pulling
it, chewing it. It's not that odd.
The condition's trichophagia.
Hair can't be digested. It stays in
the stomach and forms a solid mass.
You mean a sort of hairball? Like a cat.
What, what... what do I do?
Well, for a start stop eating your hair.
Then you go to hospital, where they
surgically remove the trichobezoar.
The what?
The... hairball.
Oh my God.
Is that it?
No, not the whole thing.
That's just a few hairs
that didn't attach themselves
to the main... ball.
He'll need to go to hospital.
I'll call an ambulance.
And he needs psychiatric treatment.
I'm not mad! No, he's
just very stressed.
Stressed? Yeah. I...
.. I've been racking up
debts left, right and centre,
I've lost my farm, that
belonged to my dad and his dad...
Ambulance. This is Dr Ellingham.
Now, Ted, you're not to worry.
I'm not expecting you to pay for stay.
Oh, no, that...
No, no.
That's the least I can do.
I'm going upstairs to pack your things,
and I'll put them in
the ambulance with you.
Then I'll ring your daughter
and get her to collect you from
hospital as soon as possible.
You're going to love living in Devon.
Having fun?
I didn't expect such a
good turnout, actually.
Everyone in the village loves
you. I don't know about that.
Well, maybe not everyone,
but let's not talk about him.
Who do you mean?
Mm?
I just wanted to say, if you
need anything around your house,
my Dave is available 24-7.
Oh, thank you! Very kind.
That's the third woman to
offer me her husband on demand.
Like I'm suddenly incapable
of changing a fuse.
Oh, really, you shouldn't have!
Enjoying the party?
Budge up.
Oh, yes, thank you.
It's tinged with sadness, isn't it?
Is it?
I hadn't noticed.
Leaving you to raise a
child alone is one thing,
but actually leaving the village...
There's not much
defence, really, is there?
Now, you can tell me
if you don't like it.
Oh, what's not to like?
I do hope your baby loves Monkey
as much as my little Davey did.
He's still my little Davey, even
though he's 13 and fat as a pig.
Oh, the Doc should
hang his head in shame.
Always thought he was a tosser.
You only have to look at his eyes.
Far too close together.
Maybe you're lucky.
Imagine the kind of
father he'd have been.
Doesn't bear thinking about.
Why not?
What?
I mean, he has his problems
with commitment and intimacy.
Yeah, he has his problems.
But, you know, who hasn't?
Let's not talk about him.
His eyes aren't too
close together, anyway.
Are they?
Speech time.
I haven't prepared anything!
No, not you...
Dad.
Oh! Sorry.
Right, now, ladies. A bit of hush.
There's a toast to propose.
Quite a few of you have
said you think it's peculiar
that this baby shower's
organised by a man.
It's a very unconventional party for
a very unconventional
mother-to-be.
Most women get married
before they have their babies,
and I can tell Louisa it's not easy
bringing up a child by yourself.
But I've been there, done that,
and grown out of the T-shirt.
And Al has turned out OK,
and I'm sure that Louisa's
baby will be just fine...
.. as long as it's
nothing like its father.
But to be honest,
he's a pretty good doc.
Right? Well, we have to admit that. Yes.
So if you'd like to raise your glasses,
we'll wish Louisa all
the luck in the world...
.. because by God,
she's going to need it.
Louisa Glasson.
Louisa!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ellingham.
I have a reservation.
Ah, yeah. Mr Ellingham.
Dr.
If you could just sign
here, please. Mm-hm.
Help you find your room, sir?
No, I can count.
Good evening. Come in.
Traffic terrible?
Ah, no. A complication with my patient.
We're sharing?
Well, I find a night
together works out better
if both parties are in the same room.
Don't you think?
Yes...
Any last-minute thoughts on my speech?
Yes. I thought the conclusion
could take a little filleting.
No it couldn't.
What else?
You refer to Whorley's work,
but you don't credit him.
Can't stand the man.
Mm. That's it, then. Oh, good.
Thank you. Feedback appreciated.
I will, of course,
acknowledge your contribution.
There's no need.
But you enjoyed the process?
Yes.
Air conditioning safely off.
These ducts are a...
Breeding ground for
bacteria and microbes.
Yes, I know.
Much better to have an open window.
It's not too warm?
It feels warm. Well,
take your jacket off.
No. Shouldn't you be mingling?
I know who I have to talk to
and what I have to say to them,
but I don't mingle.
Our schedule is,
speech, applause, dinner,
bed.
You know, a little networking would
ease your return from the wilderness
although you should restrict
yourself to a knowing nod,
till you get the hang of it.
You're not shy, are you?
Ah, no. I'll just, um...
I know it's been a while, Ellingham,
but you've seen me naked before.
Yes. I'll just give you some space.
Nothing's changed.
It's just less springy.
Compliment me?
What?
Oh, I've missed you, Ellingham.
Don't sit down.
Here, take this.
Thank you.
We should be heading downstairs.
I don't want you too near the front.
Six or seven rows back, in
the middle, should be fine.
Any signs of life?
No.
No bedbugs. Can I go
and make my speech now?
Come in.
You might want to rethink
your route from the kitchen.
I ordered an hour ago.
Apologies.
The convention's slowed things down.
Yes, I understand that.
I ordered in good time
so this wouldn't happen.
Bit short-staffed, actually.
That's not my concern.
If my blood sugar level
drops, I lack concentration.
Do you feel unwell?
Ellingham, let the man
get on with his job.
Thank you so much for
coming all this way.
Did you see that? His temporal
arteries were distended.
What?
The waiter.
And his gait was stiff.
And my sandwich is soggy,
neither of which is a medical emergency.
Where are you going?
The man has a condition
he might not know about,
polymyalgia rheumatica.
You should have told him
when he was in the room.
You interrupted me.
He could lose his sight.
Don't worry, I'll be back.
This is my night, Ellingham!
Hello?
Out of the way.
Wait!
You're not allowed in here.
I'm looking for someone.
Excuse me, please.
Waiter!
Get an ambulance!
Oh God, oh God, oh God!
All right. Give me your hand.
No, I'll be fine...
I need to have a look at it!
No! Let go!
What are you doing?
I'm a kitchen first-aider. Excuse me.
I'm a doctor. Get me a towel. OK.
Is it bad? Towel.
A clean one!
Will it need stitches?
Of course it will need stitches.
Especially if they reattach the tip.
I'm going to throw up. No you're not.
I am...
Sit down.
Um, you, come here.
Hold that.
I've got blood on the pineapple.
Breathe through your mouth. That's it.
Hold it UP!
You know your temporal
arteries are swollen?
Oh my God! Why?
Not you.
You.
You have pain in your
shoulders in the morning?
Yes, but I carry trays all day.
You should see your
GP as soon as possible.
I'm bleeding to death! No you're not.
Tell him you may be suffering
from polymyalgia rheumatica.
Poly what? Polymy
- Here, give me that.
Polymyalgia rheumatica.
If left untreated, you
could lose your sight.
Make an emergency appointment. Right.
Now, let's look for this man's finger.
Come on!
No, not just a cut. He was using
a meat-slicer. His finger...
Not the whole finger, but
there's an awful lot of blood.
OK. Thanks.
Everything all right?
If it gets worse, I'll give you a shout.
It'll be here in five minutes.
All right. Now come on!
Look for this finger!
Ellingham?
What are you doing?
Looking for a finger.
You're bloody.
Yes.
And not nauseous.
Congratulations!
Found it!
Ah, uh, don't touch it!
Get me some ice and some clingfilm.
Your work here is done. Not yet.
Is an ambulance on its way?
Just called it myself.
Then you can leave.
Go and get changed. Try not to be late.
Should I turn the bed down, sir?
Um... yes.
.. it takes the doctor
precisely two seconds
to tell her, 'Your
daughter is pregnant. '
'But she's never even kissed a boy!
It's impossible she's pregnant!'
The doctor walks to the window,
looks at the sky, and says,
The last time something
like this happened,
three wise men on camels
saw a star in the east. '
An old joke, yes,
but, um... one which takes me
to the very heart of my lecture.
Good luck, then, with your move.
I wish you all the best.
I'll see you in London.
It was a pleasure.
Hello, Martin.
I know that you heard
about my new job in London.
Yes, and that's... that's
great news, for you.
Really, really well done.
I did try to tell you.
Morning, Miss Glasson.
Hello there.
I was just trying to find
the appropriate moment.
Well, I'm not sure it's
particularly appropriate right now.
You might have told me first
I do have a right to know.
I am carrying your child.
A child which you have said
I'm to have nothing to do with.
No, that's not what I said.
You have made it abundantly
clear from the from the outset
that you wished to bring
up this baby on your own.
Because you wouldn't
want to get involved.
That's an outrageous assumption!
Yet here we are, discussing
your move to London.
Which you just
congratulated me on, so -
I really don't have time for this.
Louisa.
There are some practicalities
that need to be addressed.
Louisa?
We need to be clear
about some... things.
Sorry, doc. I'm not interrupting, am I?
Of course you are. Oh.
Ah, Louisa. I'm glad I
caught you. Now listen.
You're having a baby.
Mm-hm. I'm aware of that.
So what I'm thinking is, baby shower.
Well, that sounds lovely, but really?
It'd be a chance for the village
to show you how much we care.
Oh!
We do care, you know.
Well, if it's really no bother...
It'll be my pleasure. We'll do it
at my restaurant tomorrow evening.
Thanks, Bert! OK.
Morning!
Hello.
All right to put some of these out?
What are they?
Flyers for the farm. I'm doing B&B.
No use relying on a few chickens and
a vegetable patch to keep me afloat.
When did you get a thatched roof?
Yes. Well, the man at the copying
place did it on his computer.
Hm.
Morning, Joan.
Ted! I haven't seen your for ages.
How are you?
To be honest, I've been better.
That's why I've come to see the doc.
Nothing serious, I hope? Probably
just too many miles on the clock.
Welcome to my world.
Oh, um... you take one of these,
and if you know anyone who
wants a holiday in Cornwall...
B&B?
Needs must.
Are you booked this week? No,
I've just had flyers printed.
Do you think you could fit me in?
You?
I can't stay at the farm.
Why not?
The bank decided enough's
enough. They want me out.
If I could hide away here for a few
days, you know, till the dust settles,
I'd be ever so grateful.
Of course you can stay, Ted.
You're very kind, Joan.
Oh, there's just one thing.
Because it's summer,
I'm afraid I'm going
to have to charge you peak season rate.
Oh!
Well, if I'd known the
receptionist was so good-looking,
I'd have come here earlier.
I'm not the receptionist.
I'm the practice manager.
And you don't have an appointment.
So much for flattery.
Would it help if I told you I was dying?
Well, I'm not, but I mean, would
it help if I told you I was?
Sit down.
Is the doc going to be much longer?
What time do you call this?
I call it a few minutes
before surgery opens.
Where's the receptionist?
Just in the kitchen,
making you some coffee!
I'm an early bird, but
I don't catch no worms.
I thought we had an agreement
- you can't make coffee.
I make my own.
Fine! Just trying to help.
Honestly, that postman
should really take more care.
Pauline?
You opened this!
No, I didn't.
This person has an emergency.
You can go in now.
You're lying.
Well... maybe I am, but that
doesn't give you a right to accuse me
of opening your post when you're
about to run off to London.
I have every right to
accuse you of opening my post
if in fact you have opened
my post, which you have!
Well, how else was I going to find out?
I just turn up at work one
day and find the place empty?
That wouldn't happen. A
new doctor's taking over.
What's going to happen to me?
I'll give you a reference.
Oh, you'll tell the
new doctor to keep me?
No, I can't do that.
If he doesn't have a
job for you... when...
What?
Uh, you'll have to find
alternative employment.
Pauline said you had an emergency.
I'm constipated.
Pauline was wrong, then.
It is quite uncomfortable.
Stand up. Are you in pain now?
Well, not pain as such,
but I do feel a bit sick.
Have you tried laxatives?
No.
Well, go to Mrs Tishell and get some.
If that doesn't work, come
back and see my replacement.
Is that it, then?
No. You have really bad breath.
Get some mouthwash
while you're there. Hm!
She been in the wars?
Oh! The older ones keep
picking on her, poor thing.
I dab then with pine tar.
Oh. I use a mixture of cayenne
pepper and garlic powder myself.
The cayenne staunches the bleeding,
and the garlic has antibiotic
qualities. Heals them up in no time.
Plus she's already
seasoned for the oven.
So! How did you get on with Martin?
Well, I wouldn't give him full
marks for his bedside manner.
There's not many as would.
Now, let me show you to your room.
My first paying guest!
Excuse I!
Is that all your luggage?
I'm not planning to stay very long.
Got a financial adviser working
out how I can pay off my debts
and open up the farm again.
Perhaps I should just book
you in for a couple of nights.
Well, 20 pounds a night's
as much as I can afford.
Actually, it's 30 pounds a night.
Ted!
Ted!
Your reference.
Competent?
What's that supposed to mean?
It means you've improved.
I'm going for lunch...
.. if you think I'm competent
enough to eat a sandwich.
'I want you to imagine you're
standing in an operating theatre,
controlling the area you
stand in, your domain. '
'Imagine you're standing
there, in your scrubs,
Patient is prepped.
The field is sterile.
Try and remember how it felt to be
there. Try to recall every sense. '
'You walk towards the
patient. You pick up a scalpel,
you prepare to begin an operation.
Doc?
'Remember to keep breathing. '
Is it true?
Is what true?
Word on the street.
You're heading back to London?
It's of no concern to you.
Is there nothing I can
say, nothing I can do,
to make you change your mind?
No.
You know, I could always
transfer to the Met.
You couldn't.
Why not?
As far as I'm aware,
they don't employ people
with a history of narcolepsy,
agoraphobia and general ineptitude.
But you can get a medical job in London,
even though you're scared of blood?
I'm not scared of blood.
How come?
Goodbye.
I'll miss our little chats.
Hm.
If I don't do something properly
you will tell me, won't you?
Of course.
Yeah. You're a guinea pig, as it were.
Good to test the water
with someone I know.
This tea's too milky.
Oh!
Sorry.
Thank you for pointing it out.
Would you like some hotpot?
Is it free?
Supper's not included in the price.
Then I'll say no.
I'm not that hungry.
Mm. Are you feeling any better?
Not really, no.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Your telephone's definitely working?
The financial bloke said
he'd ring this afternoon.
You really think you'll
get back to your farm?
It's my home.
Couldn't your daughter help?
Take you in for a while?
Huh. Fran's as broke as me.
She's offered me a spare bedroom,
but it's a long way to go.
They live in Devon now. Why would
I want to go and live in Devon?
When you say, 'as broke as me',
you have got the cash to pay me?
'Imagine the operation continuing...
.. cutting in deeper,
all the time breathing...
...in and our...
Evening, Ellingham.
Edith.
It's my speech.
I thought you were happy with it. I was,
until I read last year's
key note lecture again.
It made my effort - our
effort - seem a little dull.
So you inserted a paragraph of claptrap?
It's a joke.
Is it?
Yes.
I'm leading with it, to put
the audience at its ease.
Do you think that's a good idea?
To put the audience at
ease? You telling a joke.
I've studied the timing
and the inflection.
I think I can pull it off.
You're not still fondling
your comfort blanket?
That's what it's for, isn't it?
It's what it WAS for, Ellingham.
You should be way past
simple desensitisation by now.
We'll travel to the
conference together, yes?
I should be done by three-thirty,
so come and pick me up.
I'm busy till four. Drive yourself.
I'll meet you at the hotel.
Very good.
We can skip the formal dinner,
but I would like to show
my face at the drinks do.
Wouldn't do you any harm to mingle.
I never mingle.
There may be some people from Imperial.
Wouldn't hurt to say hello.
What do you want me to do with that?
A laparotomy.
I see.
Make a midline incision.
There wouldn't be that much blood.
Then it's an emergency splenectomy.
A right paramedial incision.
Well done.
Big difference between a plastic bag
of blood and a haemorrhaging patient.
Glad you noticed.
Have a close read of
that speech, will you?
If you have any suggested
changes, let me know
first thing in the morning.
Yes.
See you tomorrow.
I'm having my breakfast, Al!
Please don't, uh,
treat Pauline like this.
I'm sorry you're leaving, Doc, but
you do owe her a decent reference.
I've given her a reference.
Oh, come on, Doc.
I mean, she's worked
for you for three years.
I know that.
Well, what are you doing?
I mean, she's always
tried her best, and, well,
you hardly thank her for
everything she's done.
She hasn't done that much.
Ah. Now, think about that, Doc.
Think about that, because I know
that you know, deep down inside,
she's done a lot. She bled your patients
when you couldn't face it.
She's covered your back, Doc.
She kept you going.
So. Will you change the reference?
No.
Ooh! Hello, Louisa.
I've just got a few cakes and
doilies for your baby shower.
Oh, lovely! Why do they call it that?
No one takes a shower, do they?
No!
I've been meaning to say,
once you've had the baby,
if you ever need any help
with anything, anything at all,
I can always send Al over
to do whatever you want.
Oh, I'll be fine, thanks.
You say that, but you'll be on your own.
You might need a man round the house.
I'll manage on my own. I won't need
help, from you, Al or anyone. OK?
I hear what you're saying, but
with the Doc going back to London -
Bert! I'll see you later.
Morning, Dr Ellingham.
The phone's ringing. I know.
Well, answer it.
I will answer it, Dr Ellingham, just
as soon I start work?
What?
My hours are 9 am till 6 pm.
I used to take blood, but as you no
longer require my phlebotomy skills,
you only employ me for
admin and communication.
It's only 8:57, three minutes,
till my duties commence.
Ah. Don't worry. I'm
sure they'll call back.
No, I think I have a room free. I've
just got to check with my current guest.
Actually, I would be
delighted to take your booking.
Yeah. Right. 0207... right...
Right. Well, I look forward
to seeing you then. Goodbye.
Tea? Give me a chance.
Did you sleep in that
hat? Didn't sleep at all.
I heard you on the landing a few times.
I thought the laxative was starting
to work. Turns out I was wrong.
Will you be wanting breakfast?
No, I'm not really hungry.
Where's that tea? It's coming.
I've, um, had a booking
from a family in London.
They want to stay this
weekend. Ooh. London, eh?
You can charge top prices. They
won't know you're ripping them off!
I am not ripping anyone off.
Lumpy bed? No kettle in the bedroom?
One pillow? And you expect
me to pay 20 pounds a night?
I would prefer 30 pounds,
and if you're not happy,
perhaps you might like to
find somewhere else to stay.
Do you have a spot more milk?
And out.
Cough. It hurts when I cough.
And again.
Doc?
Pauline!
Got an emergency right here.
What?
Where's the emergency?
Mr Baker's in there.
I think he needs help.
Mr Baker? Are you ill?
Of course I am! Why do you
think I made an appointment?
What's the problem? You've
run out of toilet paper.
Running out of lavatory
paper isn't an emergency.
Bloody well is!
I know what you're doing.
This is childishly transparent.
I don't fetch toilet paper.
It's not part of my job description.
I answer the phone, do
filing, make appointments.
Everything else is down to you.
I won't respond to blackmail.
Suit yourself.
Get out.
Excuse me?
You heard me.
Ah! Almost had her that time.
If you don't catch one soon,
it's baked beans for dinner.
Are you all right?
Ooh! Terrible heartburn.
Well, what from? You haven't
eaten since you got here!
Ah, I'll be all right. Let
me give you a hand with that.
No, no. There's no need.
You're a paying guest, remember?
No, I want to.
Oof! We can choke that chicken later.
Surgery.
Is it an emergency?
No, it's not an emergency, then.
Is Pauline here? No.
She said she'd got a
repeat prescription for me,
and she'd keep it safe
till I picked it up.
Take a seat...
Surgery!
No need to ask if I've
got the right number.
Edith, I'm very busy.
So am I, Ellingham.
But only one of us is
giving a lecture to eminent
gynaecologists in a few hours.
What do you want?
I thought you might want to know,
Laura Hoskins is
coming to the conference
Who? 'Emeritus Professor
of Obstetrics at Imperial. '
She can't wait to meet you. She
can't wait to have you join them.
I said you'd be delighted...
Can we talk at the hotel?
I have a lot of patients.
What hotel's that, then? Somewhere nice?
Mind your own business. Next patient.
Oh, I'm next. I'm next.
I've been waiting ages.
You.
My so-called financial
adviser just rang.
And?
His advice, in a nutshell -
I'm buggered.
I'm sorry. I've no chance
of running the farm again.
No chance I'll even
be able to live there.
It was my dad's farm,
and his dad's before him.
Now I'll have to give it to the bank...
.. find somewhere to
go, something to do.
Oh, what's the matter?
Oh, it's nothing.
Well, no. You pulled a face.
I'm sorry. It's, um...
.. it's your breath.
What about it?
Well, it... it's rather pungent.
What, are you saying I stink?
Did nobody else mention it?
Like who?
Well, your family. Your friends.
I haven't got any friends.
My daughter and her
kids are my only family.
I haven't seen them in a year.
Aa-aah!
Ted?
I can't turn it any more than that.
Well, don't turn it then.
Stand up. Face the window.
Is it true you are leaving Portwenn?
It's probably just a muscle spasm.
Apply a hot compress
followed by a cold compress.
Do you want me to get
the phone for you, Doc?
No. Get out.
Right you are.
Rumour has it you're off to London.
Get out!
Martin, I think Ted's
having a heart attack.
Right. You go.
Have you finished with me?
Yes.
He's been complaining of chest pains.
In fact he's been
complaining about everything.
Lie on the couch.
Have you had a bowel
movement since we last met?
No. Haven't felt like it.
But I bet she still
charges for breakfast.
I'm not a charity. Nah,
you're worse than the bank.
Stop talking. Martin,
you realise it's bedlam?
Yes.
Where's Pauline?
Thank you.
He'll beg me to work there again.
Huh!
What?
Doc's not really a begging kind, is he?
Firing, yeah. Writing a
bad reference, no problem.
But begging?
Anyway, he's off to London, so it's
the new doc you've got to impress.
And without a better
reference, you've got no chance.
I might have got a better one
if you'd said the right things.
He'd made up his mind. He
wasn't going to change it.
Are you trying to depress me?
No, I'm being realistic.
By telling me I'll never work
ever again? I didn't say that.
Don't be such a drama queen.
A jellyfish stung me!
Jellyfish?
It's stung me!
Better get to the doctor.
No, I don't want to see him!
Ugh! Stick your leg out.
What are you doing?
It's a well-known fact,
urine stops a jellyfish
sting hurting so much.
Don't be disgusting. Take me to the Doc.
All right. Ahh!
All right. That's it.
Everything seems perfectly
normal. Are you sure?
I feel like I'm going to burst!
Oh, God. Lie down.
Unbuckle your belt. Undo the
top button of your trousers.
Does that hurt. No.
Well, it's not peritonitis.
Ugh! If you must breathe, would you
turn your head the other way, please?
Does it hurt there? No, that's fine.
Are you sure? Yeah! Why?
There's a significant
mass in your abdomen.
Could be a growth, could be a tumour.
What, like cancer? Possibly.
I'll book you in for an ultrasound
scan and CT as soon as possible.
Meantime...
Yeah. Try not to worry.
.. pull your trousers up.
Doc! Got a jellyfish
sting! I'm in agony!
I was going to wee on her,
but she wouldn't let me.
That's a myth. Don't do it.
Auntie Joan, would you
take Mr Nugent home, please?
Do I have to? Yes. Out of
here, come on, all of you.
You too, Al.
Not you, you're my patient. Stay there.
I've never been your patient before.
All these years, I've always
been the one sending them in,
not the one being examined.
Pop up here.
OK.
What are you going to do? I'm
going to remove the nematocysts.
You mean stingy thingies?
Duh...
Shush.
I don't want things to
end like this between us.
I can tell you feel the same. Mph!
It's going to be weird without you.
I'm not looking forward to it,
especially if we can't get things
back to how they were before I quit.
You didn't quit.
I dismissed you.
Only cos I made you do it.
Any way we can just
forget about what happened,
I work normally, and you
can change my reference?
I'm not changing your reference.
Oh, don't leave us, Doc! Bet
the new doc's better-looking.
Can I come to London with you, Doc?
Tosser.
Louisa. We really should
discuss some practicalities,
about the baby. Do you
want to do that now?
Through the window,
with the engine running?
No, I'm late for a conference.
I'm late for a baby shower.
What's that?
Bert's idea.
It's at the restaurant.
Presents, food, drink.
You don't know what I'm
talking about, do you?
Can we at least agreed
meet at some point?
Ellingham.
Marti, can you get to
the farm right away?
It's Ted Nugent again.
Now what? 'He's not at all well. '
Yes, I know that. That's
why I... I think he's dying.
I'm on my way.
I have to go.
Well, me too.
I'll call you.
I've made him a cup of tea.
That's nice.
You said he was dying.
Well, I thought he was.
I'm late for a conference, you know.
Please stop him doing that.
I feel like something
wants to come up, Doc.
I've ordered you a CT scan for Monday.
That lump could be causing
abdominal discomfort.
The tumour
- it burns something terrible.
Do you have any antacid? What?
For heartburn, indigestion?
I think I've got something.
Good...
Ellingham.
You on your way? 'I'm with a patient. '
Is that just an excuse you
trot out whenever you're late?
Of course not. 'Call an ambulance. '
"We can't talk through my speech
if you're helping the Great Unwashed. '
I'll see you at the hotel.
Mr Nugent? Will this help?
Wait. Would you please
take off your hat?
What?
Take off my lucky hat?
Oh my God!
That head's been on my linen!
What's happened to your
hair? Have you been eating it?
What are you talking about?
Be quiet.
Have you been eating
your hair, Mr Nugent?
Maybe. I suppose.
Does it matter?
Given the state of you, I'd
say it was worth asking, yes.
It makes me feel better, pulling
it, chewing it. It's not that odd.
The condition's trichophagia.
Hair can't be digested. It stays in
the stomach and forms a solid mass.
You mean a sort of hairball? Like a cat.
What, what... what do I do?
Well, for a start stop eating your hair.
Then you go to hospital, where they
surgically remove the trichobezoar.
The what?
The... hairball.
Oh my God.
Is that it?
No, not the whole thing.
That's just a few hairs
that didn't attach themselves
to the main... ball.
He'll need to go to hospital.
I'll call an ambulance.
And he needs psychiatric treatment.
I'm not mad! No, he's
just very stressed.
Stressed? Yeah. I...
.. I've been racking up
debts left, right and centre,
I've lost my farm, that
belonged to my dad and his dad...
Ambulance. This is Dr Ellingham.
Now, Ted, you're not to worry.
I'm not expecting you to pay for stay.
Oh, no, that...
No, no.
That's the least I can do.
I'm going upstairs to pack your things,
and I'll put them in
the ambulance with you.
Then I'll ring your daughter
and get her to collect you from
hospital as soon as possible.
You're going to love living in Devon.
Having fun?
I didn't expect such a
good turnout, actually.
Everyone in the village loves
you. I don't know about that.
Well, maybe not everyone,
but let's not talk about him.
Who do you mean?
Mm?
I just wanted to say, if you
need anything around your house,
my Dave is available 24-7.
Oh, thank you! Very kind.
That's the third woman to
offer me her husband on demand.
Like I'm suddenly incapable
of changing a fuse.
Oh, really, you shouldn't have!
Enjoying the party?
Budge up.
Oh, yes, thank you.
It's tinged with sadness, isn't it?
Is it?
I hadn't noticed.
Leaving you to raise a
child alone is one thing,
but actually leaving the village...
There's not much
defence, really, is there?
Now, you can tell me
if you don't like it.
Oh, what's not to like?
I do hope your baby loves Monkey
as much as my little Davey did.
He's still my little Davey, even
though he's 13 and fat as a pig.
Oh, the Doc should
hang his head in shame.
Always thought he was a tosser.
You only have to look at his eyes.
Far too close together.
Maybe you're lucky.
Imagine the kind of
father he'd have been.
Doesn't bear thinking about.
Why not?
What?
I mean, he has his problems
with commitment and intimacy.
Yeah, he has his problems.
But, you know, who hasn't?
Let's not talk about him.
His eyes aren't too
close together, anyway.
Are they?
Speech time.
I haven't prepared anything!
No, not you...
Dad.
Oh! Sorry.
Right, now, ladies. A bit of hush.
There's a toast to propose.
Quite a few of you have
said you think it's peculiar
that this baby shower's
organised by a man.
It's a very unconventional party for
a very unconventional
mother-to-be.
Most women get married
before they have their babies,
and I can tell Louisa it's not easy
bringing up a child by yourself.
But I've been there, done that,
and grown out of the T-shirt.
And Al has turned out OK,
and I'm sure that Louisa's
baby will be just fine...
.. as long as it's
nothing like its father.
But to be honest,
he's a pretty good doc.
Right? Well, we have to admit that. Yes.
So if you'd like to raise your glasses,
we'll wish Louisa all
the luck in the world...
.. because by God,
she's going to need it.
Louisa Glasson.
Louisa!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ellingham.
I have a reservation.
Ah, yeah. Mr Ellingham.
Dr.
If you could just sign
here, please. Mm-hm.
Help you find your room, sir?
No, I can count.
Good evening. Come in.
Traffic terrible?
Ah, no. A complication with my patient.
We're sharing?
Well, I find a night
together works out better
if both parties are in the same room.
Don't you think?
Yes...
Any last-minute thoughts on my speech?
Yes. I thought the conclusion
could take a little filleting.
No it couldn't.
What else?
You refer to Whorley's work,
but you don't credit him.
Can't stand the man.
Mm. That's it, then. Oh, good.
Thank you. Feedback appreciated.
I will, of course,
acknowledge your contribution.
There's no need.
But you enjoyed the process?
Yes.
Air conditioning safely off.
These ducts are a...
Breeding ground for
bacteria and microbes.
Yes, I know.
Much better to have an open window.
It's not too warm?
It feels warm. Well,
take your jacket off.
No. Shouldn't you be mingling?
I know who I have to talk to
and what I have to say to them,
but I don't mingle.
Our schedule is,
speech, applause, dinner,
bed.
You know, a little networking would
ease your return from the wilderness
although you should restrict
yourself to a knowing nod,
till you get the hang of it.
You're not shy, are you?
Ah, no. I'll just, um...
I know it's been a while, Ellingham,
but you've seen me naked before.
Yes. I'll just give you some space.
Nothing's changed.
It's just less springy.
Compliment me?
What?
Oh, I've missed you, Ellingham.
Don't sit down.
Here, take this.
Thank you.
We should be heading downstairs.
I don't want you too near the front.
Six or seven rows back, in
the middle, should be fine.
Any signs of life?
No.
No bedbugs. Can I go
and make my speech now?
Come in.
You might want to rethink
your route from the kitchen.
I ordered an hour ago.
Apologies.
The convention's slowed things down.
Yes, I understand that.
I ordered in good time
so this wouldn't happen.
Bit short-staffed, actually.
That's not my concern.
If my blood sugar level
drops, I lack concentration.
Do you feel unwell?
Ellingham, let the man
get on with his job.
Thank you so much for
coming all this way.
Did you see that? His temporal
arteries were distended.
What?
The waiter.
And his gait was stiff.
And my sandwich is soggy,
neither of which is a medical emergency.
Where are you going?
The man has a condition
he might not know about,
polymyalgia rheumatica.
You should have told him
when he was in the room.
You interrupted me.
He could lose his sight.
Don't worry, I'll be back.
This is my night, Ellingham!
Hello?
Out of the way.
Wait!
You're not allowed in here.
I'm looking for someone.
Excuse me, please.
Waiter!
Get an ambulance!
Oh God, oh God, oh God!
All right. Give me your hand.
No, I'll be fine...
I need to have a look at it!
No! Let go!
What are you doing?
I'm a kitchen first-aider. Excuse me.
I'm a doctor. Get me a towel. OK.
Is it bad? Towel.
A clean one!
Will it need stitches?
Of course it will need stitches.
Especially if they reattach the tip.
I'm going to throw up. No you're not.
I am...
Sit down.
Um, you, come here.
Hold that.
I've got blood on the pineapple.
Breathe through your mouth. That's it.
Hold it UP!
You know your temporal
arteries are swollen?
Oh my God! Why?
Not you.
You.
You have pain in your
shoulders in the morning?
Yes, but I carry trays all day.
You should see your
GP as soon as possible.
I'm bleeding to death! No you're not.
Tell him you may be suffering
from polymyalgia rheumatica.
Poly what? Polymy
- Here, give me that.
Polymyalgia rheumatica.
If left untreated, you
could lose your sight.
Make an emergency appointment. Right.
Now, let's look for this man's finger.
Come on!
No, not just a cut. He was using
a meat-slicer. His finger...
Not the whole finger, but
there's an awful lot of blood.
OK. Thanks.
Everything all right?
If it gets worse, I'll give you a shout.
It'll be here in five minutes.
All right. Now come on!
Look for this finger!
Ellingham?
What are you doing?
Looking for a finger.
You're bloody.
Yes.
And not nauseous.
Congratulations!
Found it!
Ah, uh, don't touch it!
Get me some ice and some clingfilm.
Your work here is done. Not yet.
Is an ambulance on its way?
Just called it myself.
Then you can leave.
Go and get changed. Try not to be late.
Should I turn the bed down, sir?
Um... yes.
.. it takes the doctor
precisely two seconds
to tell her, 'Your
daughter is pregnant. '
'But she's never even kissed a boy!
It's impossible she's pregnant!'
The doctor walks to the window,
looks at the sky, and says,
The last time something
like this happened,
three wise men on camels
saw a star in the east. '
An old joke, yes,
but, um... one which takes me
to the very heart of my lecture.
Good luck, then, with your move.
I wish you all the best.
I'll see you in London.
It was a pleasure.