Doc Martin (2004–…): Season 4, Episode 4 - Driving Mr McLynn - full transcript
Mr. McLynn asks Martin to help him apply for a disabled sticker for his car, claiming that he has been in a wheelchair for just over a year but Martin finds out that it's more like seven years and when Mrs. McLynn bangs into Joan's truck, it becomes obvious which partner really needs the doctor's help. Martin falls out with the rest of the PTA when he disapproves of Louisa getting her old job back and becoming a single working mother, but he does kiss Edith after she has recommended a therapist for his haemophobia.
Idiot!
SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC
Doctor.
Ooh!
Sorry.
KEGS CLATTER
GIRLS EXCLAIM
You took your time.
I didn't.
She seems fine, but I don't know.
Does she seem pale to you?
No, she seems very stupid.
Oh, Martin!
(SIGHS) What did you think you were
doing? And good morning to you.
Shifting furniture...
We brought in the sofa.
I went back for a chair, then
felt a little bit faint, that's all.
Really? I wonder why.
Could it be because
you're seven months' pregnant?
Have you passed out before?
Well, I didn't pass out.
Were you breathless?
When?
Before you fainted.
I didn't faint.
She needed to sit down.
"Bit dizzy" she said.
This is beginning to sound
less and less like an emergency.
I did ask Joan not to bother you.
It really is no bother.
Actually,
it's extremely inconvenient,
especially since
your blood pressure is normal,
unlike your attitude to pregnancy.
Sorry?
Sometime you're gonna
have to accept the fact
that you can't
behave like a normal person.
You're going to have a baby.
Which makes me abnormal?
Yes. Oh!
Go on! Get away from me!
DOG GROWLS
Ahem.
STEADY HEARTBEAT
(SNIFFS) Is that smell coming
from your dog? No, it is not.
The toilet's blocked.
And there's something strange
behind the fridge...
..and in the fridge.
Well, if you want my advice, you
should take this as a wake-up call.
OK, Martin.
Your body is trying to tell you
to lie down, rest, stop working.
No, I don't want to stop teaching.
(SIGHS) How many days a week
are you working? Five.
Make it three. I can't.
I'm the acting head teacher.
As a matter of fact, I've applied
to be the permanent head teacher.
Are you every bit as mad as the last
one? What's that supposed to mean?
As I keep saying, Louisa,
you are about to have a baby.
Yes, in the summer holidays
before the new term begins.
Yes, and you'll still have that baby
right through till the end
of the academic year!
You will care for that child
for the next 18 years of your life!
Longer, if it's handicapped!
How can you cope with a full-time job
and be a full-time mother?
I'll get some help!
Not from me.
Martin! I'm only repeating what
she's made clear from the outset.
She doesn't want me involved.
No, I don't.
I'm perfectly capable of doing what
loads of other women do every day.
I can work and be a mum. Ha ha.
LIQUID TRICKLES
Oh, look what your dog's doing.
The place is a minefield of bacteria.
Next thing you know
you'll be having a miscarriage.
You better leave now before you
say something you'll really regr...
Go on, go on. Just go, Martin.
BOTH: Oh!
Hello, Doctor.
I was just bringing some papers
for Miss Glasson to sign.
I didn't realise she was ill.
She's not. She's resting.
Actually, I was hoping to see you.
Make an appointment.
ATM BEEPS
Oh, what?
Here, boy. Grab my kidneys.
Hey?
I've just been to the butcher's.
Um, could you lend me
a couple of hundred pounds?
I'd need a good reason
to find money like that, boy.
Have you actually
got that kind of money?
When you say 'got', do you mean have
in my possession right now? Yes.
Then no,
cos I've been to the butcher's.
But I thought the meat
was delivered this morning.
Oh, a man gets hungry
round about teatime.
I could save you a chop.
Al! Oh! (SIGHS)
BIRDS SQUAWK
He was called to an emergency.
You said 9:00.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
That's the thing about emergencies.
You don't know about them
in advance.
If you did
they'd be called 'appointments'.
Next appointment?
Is that the doctor?
Obviously.
There's nothing obvious about it.
We've never met the man before.
We didn't meet the last doctor,
either.
We haven't seen anyone
medical since...well, not for ages.
Pauline!
You can go in now.
Mind this table. Look out.
Oh, Mr Mackenzie.
Wasn't expecting to see you today.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Take a seat. Uh, not you, obviously.
Um, would you like
to take a seat, Mrs...
..McLynn. I prefer to stand.
Right. Is this Mr McLynn?
Of course it is.
Who's the patient? Neither of us is
ill, if that's what you're implying.
My husband wants you to be his GP.
I, on the other hand, do not.
Right. You want to register
at the practice.
Yes. Well, I...
We need a Blue Badge for our car.
Oh, yes. I'm disabled, you see.
Yes. The, uh, wheelchair was a clue.
I'm paralysed from the waist down.
So we need the badge
to park the car near the shops.
If you would agree to be our GP
we could apply
to the county council.
I am aware of the procedure.
Tell me about your legs.
They don't work.
What more do you want?
And when did they stop working?
Oh, uh, just a few weeks ago.
Really? What happened?
Uh, I fell over.
He fell downstairs,
cracked two vertebra.
The doctor at the hospital
says he'll never walk again.
It's very sad.
Do you have any sensation whatsoever
in either of your legs?
What are you doing with that thing?
Shut your eyes for me, please.
No, no, no. I've got
a very bad aversion to needles.
It's not a needle.
It's a neurological pin.
It's sharp and it's shiny.
It's quite close enough.
I just want you to tell me
if you think I'm using this end
or the blunt part
when I press it against you.
Ah! Ah!
What the hell have you done?
I didn't do anything.
He moved his hand.
Ah! Ah!
Blood. Don't make a fuss.
Everything OK in here?
He stuck a needle in my hand!
It's a neurological pin,
and I need to be sure that you're
telling the truth about your legs.
Now give me my pin back.
Don't you touch me!
Maureen, we're leaving.
Oh, dear.
Ow!
Pauline.
Ah! Ah!
That did hurt.
If you really are paralysed I don't
see why you object to a simple test.
I have to be certain of the facts
before I put my name on a form.
I don't want your name on any form
of yours, you sadist.
Yes. Look what he's done.
Yeah, he stuck a needle in my hand.
It was an accident.
Oh, come on.
Can I have a quick word, Doctor?
Yes, Mr Mackenzie.
Good. Come through.
You know about the school
governance meeting on Thursday.
Is it in my diary? Well,
I gave Pauline all the details.
Well, it probably isn't in my diary.
I know you normally make some feeble
excuse why you can't be there.
I have better things to do
with my evening.
We need a quorum -
five governors minimum.
And seeing how
this'll be an interview panel
for the new head teacher,
I'd like it very much indeed
if you could possibly turn up.
Would you?
Louisa Glasson applied for that job.
Oh, yeah, along with two others.
Miss Glasson's previous experience
will obviously count in her favour,
but if she's gonna be successful
she'll need a panel
that's right behind her.
And you think
I'd be right behind her.
Well, I assumed she'd get your vote.
That's a stupid assumption.
My vote will go to somebody
who isn't pregnant.
You really can't say things
like that. I just did.
It's illegal. What?
To tell you my voting intention?
To deny someone a job
just cos they're expecting.
Miss Glasson could sue
the board of governors.
I'll take that risk and I'll
be at that meeting. No, you won't.
It's nearly a week now since
Graham Hargreaves lost his mother.
I'll ask him instead.
Graham Hargreaves...
BIRDS SQUAWK
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Is that morning sickness?
Can you smell it?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course I can.
That's why I don't do the plumbing
anymore. (CHUCKLES)
He said he'd fix it
for 350, but I thought,
"No, that's a bit steep."
Not if he's gonna
do the other stuff.
I mean, you said
the boiler was broken?
Mm. And the washing machine.
Mm.
The bath taps are dripping,
the gutter's full of leaves
and dead birds, but even so - L350?
I tell you what.
Do you know someone
who'll do it for cheaper? Yeah. Me.
What about the restaurant? For 200
quid cash, I'll do it all by Friday.
Deal.
Mm?
What's the matter with you?
It's my hay fever.
Been awful this year.
Much worse than usual?
(SIGHS) Yes.
I've tried everything Mrs Tishell
has, all the antihistamines.
Is there anything stronger?
There are nasal steroid sprays,
but I'd have to examine you
before prescribing one of those.
Examine me? Why?
In case it's not hay fever.
I notice you have a rash
on your neck. Is it anywhere else?
No, no. It's just prickly heat,
it's nothing.
I'll be the judge of that.
Uh, there's really no need,
thank you. Uh... Oh, goodness me.
Just look at the time.
I have to be getting back to school.
I was...
I'm sorry if I... Oh, goodbye.
DOOR CLOSES
Next patient!
Hello? Mrs Rudd?
I was going to pop in this afternoon
to pick up that cheque you owe me.
Is that convenient? Not really.
I'll post it for you tomorrow.
No, no. Wait a minute...
SMASH
Oh, God.
Tango delta, receiving 595.
Stay where you are!
I've got an RTC.
Traverther Rd, Portwenn.
Looks like persons injured.
Don't think anyone's fatal as yet,
but I'll come back to you on that.
Could you contact the local medic,
tell him he's needed ASAP? Over.
'Why don't you give him
a ring yourself? Over.'
Yes. that's all received. Out.
Uh, don't move.
TELEPHONE RINGS
Portwenn Surgery?
Yes, PC Penhale. I am receiving.
It's PC Penhale.
Mm.
Shh.
Yeah, when you say 'victims'
how many people are we talking
about and what kind of injuries?
When you say 'unconfirmed',
is that cos you don't know yet?
Mrs Norton?
Your aunt's been in the car crash.
SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC
We may need
a formal witness statement,
so don't leave the country, OK?
And are you all right, my beloved?
How are you, darling?
Are you all right?
If I could just interrupt
your conversation...
..with your dog for one moment,
I'm a little confused.
There's a witness says
Mrs McLynn drove into your truck
while you were stationary.
Well, I've just been
speaking to Mrs McLynn.
You really mustn't compare notes
with a possible suspect
until I've established the facts.
Well, she agrees
that I backed into her.
You backed into her.
What's so odd about that?
I was trying to turn round
because of the hold-up.
It's entirely my fault.
I will pay for the damage.
So you don't want to press charges
against Mr McLynn.
Why? I've not done anything wrong.
Even so,
under the Road Traffic Act 1988,
you have to exchange details -
name, address...
I know who she is.
And I know where she lives.
I suppose, if you're happy,
we can put this on a backburner,
but I have to warn you.
You're sure you're not hurt?
No, I'm fine.
In that case, I'll cancel my request
for medical backup.
Whoops. Too late.
I was just trying to call you, Doc.
Seems Mrs Norton - What happened?
Just a tiny, tiny bump, that's all.
(PANTING) Pauline said
you were injured. Well, I'm not.
You sure? Osteoporosis?
Well, my bones may be brittle,
but I am intact.
I'm worried about Buddy.
I think he might have cracked a rib.
(PANTING) You're suggesting
I should examine your dog?
Well, could you just
run a hand over his midriff?
Yes, I could if I was a vet.
But I'm not.
Complete waste of my time.
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
Paul, what's wrong?
We're supposed
to be going out tonight.
'Tonight?'
You haven't forgotten?
No. no, no, no.
It's just that I'm...
..just stuck here
on the moor on Bodmin.
I've, um, I've just broken down.
Oh, so we're not going out?
Well, that depends if anyone
stops to help me, doesn't it?
Cup of tea?
(No.)
Who's that?
Uh, just some old biddy
asking if I wanted some tea.
There's an old woman on Bodmin
offering you a cup of tea?
She's got a thermos.
Well, has she got a car?
Can she give you a lift?
Nope. No, no. She's, um...
..she's a walker, she's a rambler.
She's got a big rucksack and a stick.
But I'll ring you
when I'm on my way, so, um...bye.
Well, bye...
BIRDS SQUAWK
Maureen Jennifer McLynn.
Has no previous convictions.
She's not wanted by the police.
Date of birth makes her
68 on the 3rd of next month.
So it's still two years
before she needs to apply to
the DVLA for a new driving licence.
But don't worry, Doc.
I won't let this go.
You realise it's
a road traffic accident, don't you,
and not actually murder?
Well, yes, but...
Oh, Doctor! Oh...
I didn't know you were coming.
You should have warned me.
I could have got myself ready,
made myself presentable. Oh...
I've just come
to collect my suppositories.
Of course. Absolutely. I think
they're just arrived...I think.
I'm sorry about the mess.
Oh. It was all clean and tidy
until the McLynns paid me a visit.
That Mr McLynn, he knocked over
my nappy day display. On purpose?
No, no. I don't think so. How long
has he been in a wheelchair?
Ever since he came to Portwenn.
I think six or seven years.
He used to have
a nice electric model and...
Oh, he never would have
broken anything with that.
And then a couple of months ago
he told me that had broken down,
and so he's now downgraded
to a manual version.
Interesting.
Bye, Doc.
Ah. Uh, Doctor?
I was hoping to bump into you.
If you're ill make an appointment.
No, I'm not ill.
I'm just keen to confirm
what I heard from Stu MacKenzie
about you and Miss Glasson.
What's he been saying
about me and Miss Glasson?
That you don't think she should
be our head teacher again.
That's right. that's true.
But she's the best we ever had.
I'm sure, but she didn't
have a baby back then, did she?
Why would having a baby
affect her performance?
Because very few women have
the mental and physical capacity
to work full time
and bring up a small child.
Only the best women in the world.
Miss Glasson's not one of those.
Come along, James. This way.
Any word from Imperial?
What?
About the job.
I'm seeing Robert
in a couple of weeks. Oh.
Give him my love. When?
I thought you wanted me to read
this and give you my thoughts. I do.
I can't think and arrange my diary
at the same time.
Won't say another word.
Thank you.
Really?
Oh, no. Perhaps you're right.
I am.
What are you doing?
You don't need any of this.
You put 'HSE' at the top,
the middle and the end.
It starts to feel repetitive.
Tell the reader what
you're gonna tell them, tell them,
then tell them
what you've told them.
Readers of the British Journal
Of Obstetrics And Gynaecology
aren't stupid.
They know what they're being told
without being warned of it in advance
and reminded of it at the end.
This whole page needs tightening.
You've become verbose.
You want me concise?
Yes.
I can be concise.
I can be...
..pithy, taut, succinct,
laconic, breviloquent?
When does this need to be finished?
I told the editor I'd email tonight.
Oh. better get a move on, then.
No, no.
I've got my laptop with me.
We can take our time,
keep polishing...
..till we're finished.
I've missed this.
SHARP KNOCK ON DOOR
Ahem.
It's bad enough you belittle me in
front of my colleagues and pupils,
but now I hear you're telling all
the governors not to vote for me.
Not all of them.
I am pregnant, Martin. I'm not ill.
I'm not the second class citizen
you seem to think I am.
Do you think I can't cope
with having a baby?
You know, your attitude towards me -
towards women, actually -
is predictably pompous
and chauvinistic,
which is exactly
why I never, ever thought
that you and I could be together.
Good evening.
Oh.
You've got company.
Obviously.
If you could possibly save the
squabbling till I'm out of earshot,
I'd be ever so grateful.
Wait a moment.
We'll speak in the morning.
No, we'll speak now.
Miss Glasson isn't staying.
Oh, yes, I am.
Of course you are.
So I'll take this with me
and try and imagine the fun
I'm missing here.
Thank you for all your suggestions,
Ellingham.
(SIGHS)
Try not to get too excited, Louisa.
It's not good for the baby.
Well, having succeeded
in ruining my evening,
is there anything else
you'd like to say to me?
How I decide to lead my life
is up to me.
What I don't need from you,
what I will never need from you...
(SOBS) ..is any kind of help.
Why are you crying?
(SOBS) I'm not crying.
(SNIFFS) Good evening.
Yes, but just mind out for the cars.
They come round here all the time,
for God's sake. I know that.
Now, you'll have to wait,
because I can't -
Oh, it's you, Dr Ellingham.
You've been paralysed
for at least seven years. What?
I have it on good authority
that you were unable to walk
when you first moved
to this village seven years ago.
So?
I don't like being lied to.
How do I look
if I sign a form for someone
who's clearly trying
to defraud the county council?
I'm not. I - You told me you'd
recently lost the use of your legs.
Well, I thought
there was some rule about
having to apply
for a Blue Badge straightaway.
You know, like the
statute of limitations. Nonsense.
What's happened to your face?
Nothing's happened. I'm fine.
Are you pathologically
incapable of telling the truth?
Maybe he doesn't trust someone
who stabs him with a needle.
It wasn't a needle.
I want to do our shopping!
Are you going to tell me why
you lied? No. Come along, Maureen.
Ow!
(GRUNTS)
(WHIMPERS)
Ah.
(GROANS)
GIRL: Look up there.
ALL EXCLAIM
What are you doing there, Al? Spent
the night with Louisa, did you?
So YOU got her pregnant.
ALL GIGGLE
Oh, God. I'm late.
Should have got Al to wake you.
He did.
Then I fell asleep again.
Why is he up so early?
He's gone to Padstow...
to look at that freezer.
Your mate that's got his new freezer
he's letting you have half-price.
Do you have any idea
what I'm talking about?
None whatsoever, no.
I keep hearing things.
What sort of things?
Sometimes it's like
a high-pitched whistling.
Sometimes it's more like a bell.
TELEPHONE RINGS
And now it sounds like a telephone.
That's because it is a telephone.
You can hear it, too?
Yes, I can.
But I shouldn't be able to
because my stupid receptionist should
have switched it through to her desk.
Al, it's me again. Where are you?
Can you give me a ring?
Love you.
Pauline!
What's this bit about two weeks
on Tuesday? What?
You've put a line through it.
Yes.
And 'NA' - does that mean something?
That means I won't be here that day.
Reschedule those appointments
and don't make any more.
Where will you be?
Somewhere else.
Doing what, exactly?
Mind your own business.
And when I'm with a patient
you answer the surgery telephone.
And don't make personal calls.
And tidy those magazines up.
Stick a broom up my backside,
I could sweep the floor, as well.
Yes, you could.
(SIGHS)
(SNEEZES)
Sally, you look awful.
Are you ok?
If you want to go home...
I do. I feel dreadful.
My hay fever is worse than ever.
Have you been to see Dr Ellingham?
Well, I did try,
but he was...you know.
Yeah, he can be a bit...you know.
But you might be infectious.
Don't you think you should
stay away from the school?
Maybe I should go back to the doctor.
Yeah, I think you should.
Mr Mackenzie, hello.
Miss Glasson, can we have a word?
Yes. Yeah, please. Come in.
Oh, sorry.
I hope this isn't a bad time.
Is it bad news?
Why don't we talk about that?
Firstly, let me say
you did an excellent interview
and we were all most impressed.
The two other candidates
were also good,
and it's been a very difficult
decision we've had to make.
I think I can guess what's coming.
Really?
Well, you don't look too happy,
so you're obviously all here
to tell me I didn't get the job.
Oh, don't worry about Graham.
His mother just died.
You're the new head, Louisa.
Really?
Congratulations.
Well, that's fantastic news.
Yeah, one in the eye
for Dr Know-it-all. Sorry?
Oh, Doc Martin said
we shouldn't appoint you.
Stuart.
But we have.
Well, I hope that's not
the only reason that I got the job.
Oh, no. of course not.
You were definitely
the best candidate. Wasn't she?
Huh? Yeah, absolutely.
But if it annoys the pompous bugger,
so much the better.
Oh, he's off his food.
Should I take him to the vets?
You haven't fixed your brake lights.
Does it really matter?
You can't drive like that.
It's against the law.
You need to book into a garage.
If you're so concerned
about the condition of my truck,
why don't you buy the brake lights
and fix them yourself?
All right, I will, if you want.
Won't your insurance cover it?
What's this I hear
about you not wanting Louisa
to be head teacher again?
Why are you being evasive? I may
have let my car insurance lapse.
Just a little.
What do you mean "just a little"?
You're either insured or you're not.
Well, I'm not.
I couldn't afford to renew
the policy, so I didn't.
You've been driving around
without insurance?
Have you any idea of the trouble
you'd be in if they caught you?
Well, of course I have. That's why
I lied to Penhale about the crash.
You lied to him?
Well, I thought it best to get away
before he asked too many questions.
Mrs McLynn drove into me,
but only my truck was damaged.
Would you rather I told the truth
and was arrested?
You wouldn't have been arrested.
You'd get a few points on
your licence and a hefty fine.
I can't afford to pay a fine,
hefty or otherwise
for the same reason that I can't
afford to renew my car insurance.
Are you telling me
that you don't have any money?
Not at the moment.
But in a little while,
if I ask them nicely,
the bank might give me some more.
Is he limping?
You mean you've already
taken out a loan?
Quite a few, actually.
Why didn't you come to me?
No, Martin. I can't take another
penny from you. You've done enough.
I've got to cope with this
on my own.
Right.
Well, Mrs McLynn
is at fault, Mrs McLynn must pay.
Thank you for the chicken.
BIRDS TWITTER
Hello?
Ah. Hello.
What do you want?
What are you doing here?
Um...
Maureen!
Ah, good. Your wife's here, is she?
She, needs to pay for the damage
to my aunt's truck.
Your aunt?
Joan Norton.
She drove into us.
No, she didn't.
Neville?
Did you call me?
Yes. Dr Ellingham's here.
I think he wants some money.
You smashed the brake lights
on my aunt's truck
and I think you should
pay for some new ones.
I didn't know what to say.
Has Mrs Norton told the police
what really happened? No.
And she's not going to?
I very much doubt it.
In that case, if you send the bill
I'll send a cheque. Fair enough?
Uh, yes.
And you can see yourself out,
please.
Uh, thank you. Ahem.
SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC
(SIGHS)
ENGINE STARTS
Oh, for God's sake.
LIVELY MUSIC
GIRLS LAUGH
Oh, look, there's Pauline.
Do you think she heard about Al?
No, course not.
Ooh, he's a proper lover boy.
It's pretty sad when
your boyfriend's sleeping around.
What was that about Al? Do you
not know about him and Louisa?
We saw them.
Together.
Al's shirt was off.
She must know.
You've gotta know. Everyone knows.
Al's pretty fit, though?
I was wondering if I could
see the doctor this morning.
(SIGHS) I really don't
feel very well.
Could you check
to see if he's got any time?
Yeah, I could check to see
if he's got any time.
First patient.
Um...
Sally Chadwick. Already here.
Come through.
I'm sorry I had to leave
the other day. Mm.
(SIGHS) I feel ten times worse now.
Take a seat.
In what way worse, exactly?
My nose won't stop running.
I've got a sore throat.
I feel shivery.
THERMOMETER BEEPS
(SIGHS)
39.
That's not good.
That's not hay fever. Lie on
the couch and loosen your blouse.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna examine you, just
as I would have done the other day
if you'd stayed
for more than 30 seconds.
I went to Spain for a half-term.
Ibiza, actually.
It was lovely.
Very warm, very balmy.
You have a tattoo.
(SIGHS) I don't know
what I was thinking.
It's a tiger.
We all want things
we probably shouldn't, don't we?
No. Your skin is abraded.
Have you tried to remove it?
(SIGHS) I hate it.
I can't believe I did it.
I read about salt crystals
on the Internet.
I couldn't afford laser treatment.
So you thought
you'd try and rub your skin off
regardless of the danger
to your health.
Having risked hepatitis and HIV
by allowing your skin
to be pierced with needles,
you then perform
an unhygienic procedure on yourself,
which leads to an infection.
Well done.
Just the kind of self-inflicted
injury we GPs thrive on.
Can you help me?
I'm prescribing you antibiotics.
What about the tiger?
What if someone sees it?
When you're feeling better
we'll complete the dermabrasion...
..under sterile conditions.
Oh. Thank you.
Miss Glasson was worried
I might be infectious.
You're not.
She got the job, by the way.
Permanent head teacher, she got it.
Oh, God.
Next patient!
They saw him there
in Louisa's bedroom, kissing.
They're winding you up, girl.
You know what those girls are like.
Yeah, they're evil.
Which is why you shouldn't
believe a word they're saying.
Normally I wouldn't,
but then I thought,
why would Al start making up stories
about Bodmin and Padstow
or whatever
if he weren't doing something
he shouldn't?
Now, you listen to me.
I'm gonna see Louisa right away.
I'm gonna ask her
if there's anything going on
and she's gonna tell me the truth,
because that girl respects me.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Don't be so bloody stupid.
Me and Al, kissing?
That's the rumour
going round the village.
Well, I hope you're putting a stop
to that rumour.
I will do when I'm sure
there's no truth in it.
Well, of course there's no truth in
it. Why would I be kissing your son?
He's a good-looking boy.
He's quite a catch.
Especially if you're looking
for a husband. But I'm not.
Well, you'll be wanting someone
to help with the baby, won't you?
No, and even if I was,
Al would be the last person
that I'd turn to.
Well, second to last.
Is it true?
Is what true?
That you were kissing Al.
That you've been made head teacher.
That's right.
This is when you say,
"Congratulations".
No, it isn't. This is when I say
I think you're mad.
Well, congratulations.
Go away.
Oh. Watch out.
What?
(SIGHS) Dr Ellingham.
Oh.
Yes, Dr Ellingham. What do you want?
I've got that application for
a Blue Badge from the county council.
I filled in the GP section.
Just get your husband to put
his details there and there.
I'm sure we can
sort it out for ourselves.
Thank you very much.
I don't really think you
should be driving, Mrs McLynn.
Leave me alone. Why don't
you pull over here and stop?
No. Look, I think we both
know what's wrong with you.
Hey, stop!
You're blind!
Ah! Oh!
Are you hurt?
I think I'll live.
Right.
That form I gave you was an
application for car insurance
for my aunt.
If you were able to see properly
you'd have noticed the words
"application for car insurance"
written across it.
You knocked me over.
It's cos she's blind.
What?
Well, that's all right.
I tell her which way to turn,
when to accelerate, when to stop.
I can see round the edges.
You have peripheral vision?
Yes, I'm not completely blind.
Oh, well, that's all fine, then.
No, it's not.
I'm pretty sure it's illegal.
Of course it's illegal.
I want you to come to my surgery
at 6pm tonight.
Who? me?
No, not you, you.
Me and you, kissing? Your dad seemed
to think I'm desperate for a bloke.
Oh.
He didn't tell Pauline, did he?
No.
Phew.
She told him.
Oh.
Now...
How much have I got there?
L194.50.
Right.
Tell you what, you can give me
the rest tomorrow, eh?
Gosh. Thanks.
The thing is, I didn't tell Pauline
I was working for you,
so she might think it's all
a bit, you know, suspicious.
Do you want me to explain
what you've been up to?
I'm sure she'll believe me.
No, no. I can, um,
I can sort this on my own...
..probably.
While I'm here, can I book a table
for Saturday night? Yeah, sure.
It's to celebrate
me getting my old job back,
so I've asked all the staff.
So that's a table for how many?
Uh, ooh, I'll need
to ask Miss Chadwick. Right.
Um...
Great. No battery.
You can use our phone if you want.
Thanks. Is it just...
Yeah, it's just down there
on the left.
Have I interrupted something?
Eh?
You and Louisa.
Now, Pauline, don't worry.
I know there's been rumours.
You were kissing each other.
No, no. That did not happen.
You were seen with Louisa
in Louisa's house.
Well, yes, I suppose it is possible
that someone did see me in there.
You do realise she's pregnant.
Well, yeah, cos her belly
kind of gives it away.
Is it yours?
What?
Oh, God. Did you make her pregnant?
You're being silly now, Pauline.
How could you fancy someone...obese?
Do you ever think about fat girls?
Do you dream about fat girls?
No, I could never fancy a fat girl,
and you can't get much fatter
than Louisa.
Look, Louisa...
Now see what you've done.
Louisa?
Oh.
Seven years ago
when my husband was driving
a girl fell off her motorbike
up ahead.
We didn't see her till we came round
the corner, and then the crash.
Stop talking. Look straight ahead.
They wanted to cut my legs off.
Doctors kept on and on about
risk of infection and gangrene,
that I'd never walk again.
We don't like doctors.
No.
Is that why you didn't
come and see me about your eyes?
I was worried
you'd do something unpleasant.
What? Like prevent
you from going blind?
When did you start
to lose your sight?
Um, four, five months ago.
I didn't feel safe
walking around anymore.
Yes, I stopped using
the electric wheelchair
and then Maureen
just held on to my handles.
I couldn't help pushing him
into the occasional door,
hence his cuts and bruises.
What I still don't understand
is why you lied
about how long you'd been disabled.
Well, we thought you'd be suspicious
if we said that we'd managed without
a Blue Badge for seven years,
but Maureen does need one now,
cos she's gotta park on yellow lines
where there are no other cars,
you see?
Right. You're suffering from
age-related macular degeneration.
You're lucky, though.
We've caught it in time.
There's a good chance
I can restore most of your vision.
It won't be painful? I mean,
you won't do anything horrible?
Of course not. I'll treat you
with VEGF inhibitors.
Ah. Those are pills?
Injections.
Into her arm?
Into her eyeball.
You're going to...
..insert needles into her eyeballs
and inject the inhibitors directly
into the base of each retina.
Problem?
The 'BJOG' got my email last night.
The editor was on the phone
this morning
saying he'd sent it to the 'RCOG'.
They want me to be keynote speaker
at their AGM.
Is that so surprising?
I'm just wondering why you're opening
champagne when neither of us drinks.
It's a fizzy elderflower cordial.
Oh.
The venue for this bunfight's
not far. Some hotel in Exeter.
You might want to come with me,
Ellingham.
Moral support?
Think about it?
Cheers.
Mm.
I've got you something.
It's a little out of date,
but I think it should do the job.
Open it up.
If ever you need reassurance
you can cope
just give it a squeeze.
You did say you were fine now, yes?
Ellingham?
Ellingham? Ellingham!
You passed out.
Oh. Obviously.
You're going to have
to fix this once and for all.
Otherwise you can forget
about London.
Ahem.
I didn't tell you
I was working for Louisa
cos then you would have asked me
why I needed the money.
Why do you need the money?
For this.
God, it's a scooter!
Yep.
Ah!
Mm...
It's 50cc. Pull-back.
V5, Mark 2. It's French.
In case you ever feel trapped with
me and Dad, you can always escape.
Let me take you somewhere right now.
Where?
To apologise to Louisa.
You said she was fat.
No, you said she was fat.
No, I said she was obese.
Oh. Obese.
(LAUGHS) Whoo-hoo!
(SHRIEKS AND GIGGLES)
HORN HONKS
Al wants to say sorry!
What?
Al want to apologise!
Huh?
Al wants to apologise.
You're not fat.
I'm enormous! Yeah, but
it's only because you're pregnant.
And Al's not the father, is he?
No.
This is the name
of an excellent therapist.
You don't want it?
No.
Yes...
SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC
Doctor.
Ooh!
Sorry.
KEGS CLATTER
GIRLS EXCLAIM
You took your time.
I didn't.
She seems fine, but I don't know.
Does she seem pale to you?
No, she seems very stupid.
Oh, Martin!
(SIGHS) What did you think you were
doing? And good morning to you.
Shifting furniture...
We brought in the sofa.
I went back for a chair, then
felt a little bit faint, that's all.
Really? I wonder why.
Could it be because
you're seven months' pregnant?
Have you passed out before?
Well, I didn't pass out.
Were you breathless?
When?
Before you fainted.
I didn't faint.
She needed to sit down.
"Bit dizzy" she said.
This is beginning to sound
less and less like an emergency.
I did ask Joan not to bother you.
It really is no bother.
Actually,
it's extremely inconvenient,
especially since
your blood pressure is normal,
unlike your attitude to pregnancy.
Sorry?
Sometime you're gonna
have to accept the fact
that you can't
behave like a normal person.
You're going to have a baby.
Which makes me abnormal?
Yes. Oh!
Go on! Get away from me!
DOG GROWLS
Ahem.
STEADY HEARTBEAT
(SNIFFS) Is that smell coming
from your dog? No, it is not.
The toilet's blocked.
And there's something strange
behind the fridge...
..and in the fridge.
Well, if you want my advice, you
should take this as a wake-up call.
OK, Martin.
Your body is trying to tell you
to lie down, rest, stop working.
No, I don't want to stop teaching.
(SIGHS) How many days a week
are you working? Five.
Make it three. I can't.
I'm the acting head teacher.
As a matter of fact, I've applied
to be the permanent head teacher.
Are you every bit as mad as the last
one? What's that supposed to mean?
As I keep saying, Louisa,
you are about to have a baby.
Yes, in the summer holidays
before the new term begins.
Yes, and you'll still have that baby
right through till the end
of the academic year!
You will care for that child
for the next 18 years of your life!
Longer, if it's handicapped!
How can you cope with a full-time job
and be a full-time mother?
I'll get some help!
Not from me.
Martin! I'm only repeating what
she's made clear from the outset.
She doesn't want me involved.
No, I don't.
I'm perfectly capable of doing what
loads of other women do every day.
I can work and be a mum. Ha ha.
LIQUID TRICKLES
Oh, look what your dog's doing.
The place is a minefield of bacteria.
Next thing you know
you'll be having a miscarriage.
You better leave now before you
say something you'll really regr...
Go on, go on. Just go, Martin.
BOTH: Oh!
Hello, Doctor.
I was just bringing some papers
for Miss Glasson to sign.
I didn't realise she was ill.
She's not. She's resting.
Actually, I was hoping to see you.
Make an appointment.
ATM BEEPS
Oh, what?
Here, boy. Grab my kidneys.
Hey?
I've just been to the butcher's.
Um, could you lend me
a couple of hundred pounds?
I'd need a good reason
to find money like that, boy.
Have you actually
got that kind of money?
When you say 'got', do you mean have
in my possession right now? Yes.
Then no,
cos I've been to the butcher's.
But I thought the meat
was delivered this morning.
Oh, a man gets hungry
round about teatime.
I could save you a chop.
Al! Oh! (SIGHS)
BIRDS SQUAWK
He was called to an emergency.
You said 9:00.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
That's the thing about emergencies.
You don't know about them
in advance.
If you did
they'd be called 'appointments'.
Next appointment?
Is that the doctor?
Obviously.
There's nothing obvious about it.
We've never met the man before.
We didn't meet the last doctor,
either.
We haven't seen anyone
medical since...well, not for ages.
Pauline!
You can go in now.
Mind this table. Look out.
Oh, Mr Mackenzie.
Wasn't expecting to see you today.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Take a seat. Uh, not you, obviously.
Um, would you like
to take a seat, Mrs...
..McLynn. I prefer to stand.
Right. Is this Mr McLynn?
Of course it is.
Who's the patient? Neither of us is
ill, if that's what you're implying.
My husband wants you to be his GP.
I, on the other hand, do not.
Right. You want to register
at the practice.
Yes. Well, I...
We need a Blue Badge for our car.
Oh, yes. I'm disabled, you see.
Yes. The, uh, wheelchair was a clue.
I'm paralysed from the waist down.
So we need the badge
to park the car near the shops.
If you would agree to be our GP
we could apply
to the county council.
I am aware of the procedure.
Tell me about your legs.
They don't work.
What more do you want?
And when did they stop working?
Oh, uh, just a few weeks ago.
Really? What happened?
Uh, I fell over.
He fell downstairs,
cracked two vertebra.
The doctor at the hospital
says he'll never walk again.
It's very sad.
Do you have any sensation whatsoever
in either of your legs?
What are you doing with that thing?
Shut your eyes for me, please.
No, no, no. I've got
a very bad aversion to needles.
It's not a needle.
It's a neurological pin.
It's sharp and it's shiny.
It's quite close enough.
I just want you to tell me
if you think I'm using this end
or the blunt part
when I press it against you.
Ah! Ah!
What the hell have you done?
I didn't do anything.
He moved his hand.
Ah! Ah!
Blood. Don't make a fuss.
Everything OK in here?
He stuck a needle in my hand!
It's a neurological pin,
and I need to be sure that you're
telling the truth about your legs.
Now give me my pin back.
Don't you touch me!
Maureen, we're leaving.
Oh, dear.
Ow!
Pauline.
Ah! Ah!
That did hurt.
If you really are paralysed I don't
see why you object to a simple test.
I have to be certain of the facts
before I put my name on a form.
I don't want your name on any form
of yours, you sadist.
Yes. Look what he's done.
Yeah, he stuck a needle in my hand.
It was an accident.
Oh, come on.
Can I have a quick word, Doctor?
Yes, Mr Mackenzie.
Good. Come through.
You know about the school
governance meeting on Thursday.
Is it in my diary? Well,
I gave Pauline all the details.
Well, it probably isn't in my diary.
I know you normally make some feeble
excuse why you can't be there.
I have better things to do
with my evening.
We need a quorum -
five governors minimum.
And seeing how
this'll be an interview panel
for the new head teacher,
I'd like it very much indeed
if you could possibly turn up.
Would you?
Louisa Glasson applied for that job.
Oh, yeah, along with two others.
Miss Glasson's previous experience
will obviously count in her favour,
but if she's gonna be successful
she'll need a panel
that's right behind her.
And you think
I'd be right behind her.
Well, I assumed she'd get your vote.
That's a stupid assumption.
My vote will go to somebody
who isn't pregnant.
You really can't say things
like that. I just did.
It's illegal. What?
To tell you my voting intention?
To deny someone a job
just cos they're expecting.
Miss Glasson could sue
the board of governors.
I'll take that risk and I'll
be at that meeting. No, you won't.
It's nearly a week now since
Graham Hargreaves lost his mother.
I'll ask him instead.
Graham Hargreaves...
BIRDS SQUAWK
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Is that morning sickness?
Can you smell it?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course I can.
That's why I don't do the plumbing
anymore. (CHUCKLES)
He said he'd fix it
for 350, but I thought,
"No, that's a bit steep."
Not if he's gonna
do the other stuff.
I mean, you said
the boiler was broken?
Mm. And the washing machine.
Mm.
The bath taps are dripping,
the gutter's full of leaves
and dead birds, but even so - L350?
I tell you what.
Do you know someone
who'll do it for cheaper? Yeah. Me.
What about the restaurant? For 200
quid cash, I'll do it all by Friday.
Deal.
Mm?
What's the matter with you?
It's my hay fever.
Been awful this year.
Much worse than usual?
(SIGHS) Yes.
I've tried everything Mrs Tishell
has, all the antihistamines.
Is there anything stronger?
There are nasal steroid sprays,
but I'd have to examine you
before prescribing one of those.
Examine me? Why?
In case it's not hay fever.
I notice you have a rash
on your neck. Is it anywhere else?
No, no. It's just prickly heat,
it's nothing.
I'll be the judge of that.
Uh, there's really no need,
thank you. Uh... Oh, goodness me.
Just look at the time.
I have to be getting back to school.
I was...
I'm sorry if I... Oh, goodbye.
DOOR CLOSES
Next patient!
Hello? Mrs Rudd?
I was going to pop in this afternoon
to pick up that cheque you owe me.
Is that convenient? Not really.
I'll post it for you tomorrow.
No, no. Wait a minute...
SMASH
Oh, God.
Tango delta, receiving 595.
Stay where you are!
I've got an RTC.
Traverther Rd, Portwenn.
Looks like persons injured.
Don't think anyone's fatal as yet,
but I'll come back to you on that.
Could you contact the local medic,
tell him he's needed ASAP? Over.
'Why don't you give him
a ring yourself? Over.'
Yes. that's all received. Out.
Uh, don't move.
TELEPHONE RINGS
Portwenn Surgery?
Yes, PC Penhale. I am receiving.
It's PC Penhale.
Mm.
Shh.
Yeah, when you say 'victims'
how many people are we talking
about and what kind of injuries?
When you say 'unconfirmed',
is that cos you don't know yet?
Mrs Norton?
Your aunt's been in the car crash.
SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC
We may need
a formal witness statement,
so don't leave the country, OK?
And are you all right, my beloved?
How are you, darling?
Are you all right?
If I could just interrupt
your conversation...
..with your dog for one moment,
I'm a little confused.
There's a witness says
Mrs McLynn drove into your truck
while you were stationary.
Well, I've just been
speaking to Mrs McLynn.
You really mustn't compare notes
with a possible suspect
until I've established the facts.
Well, she agrees
that I backed into her.
You backed into her.
What's so odd about that?
I was trying to turn round
because of the hold-up.
It's entirely my fault.
I will pay for the damage.
So you don't want to press charges
against Mr McLynn.
Why? I've not done anything wrong.
Even so,
under the Road Traffic Act 1988,
you have to exchange details -
name, address...
I know who she is.
And I know where she lives.
I suppose, if you're happy,
we can put this on a backburner,
but I have to warn you.
You're sure you're not hurt?
No, I'm fine.
In that case, I'll cancel my request
for medical backup.
Whoops. Too late.
I was just trying to call you, Doc.
Seems Mrs Norton - What happened?
Just a tiny, tiny bump, that's all.
(PANTING) Pauline said
you were injured. Well, I'm not.
You sure? Osteoporosis?
Well, my bones may be brittle,
but I am intact.
I'm worried about Buddy.
I think he might have cracked a rib.
(PANTING) You're suggesting
I should examine your dog?
Well, could you just
run a hand over his midriff?
Yes, I could if I was a vet.
But I'm not.
Complete waste of my time.
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
Paul, what's wrong?
We're supposed
to be going out tonight.
'Tonight?'
You haven't forgotten?
No. no, no, no.
It's just that I'm...
..just stuck here
on the moor on Bodmin.
I've, um, I've just broken down.
Oh, so we're not going out?
Well, that depends if anyone
stops to help me, doesn't it?
Cup of tea?
(No.)
Who's that?
Uh, just some old biddy
asking if I wanted some tea.
There's an old woman on Bodmin
offering you a cup of tea?
She's got a thermos.
Well, has she got a car?
Can she give you a lift?
Nope. No, no. She's, um...
..she's a walker, she's a rambler.
She's got a big rucksack and a stick.
But I'll ring you
when I'm on my way, so, um...bye.
Well, bye...
BIRDS SQUAWK
Maureen Jennifer McLynn.
Has no previous convictions.
She's not wanted by the police.
Date of birth makes her
68 on the 3rd of next month.
So it's still two years
before she needs to apply to
the DVLA for a new driving licence.
But don't worry, Doc.
I won't let this go.
You realise it's
a road traffic accident, don't you,
and not actually murder?
Well, yes, but...
Oh, Doctor! Oh...
I didn't know you were coming.
You should have warned me.
I could have got myself ready,
made myself presentable. Oh...
I've just come
to collect my suppositories.
Of course. Absolutely. I think
they're just arrived...I think.
I'm sorry about the mess.
Oh. It was all clean and tidy
until the McLynns paid me a visit.
That Mr McLynn, he knocked over
my nappy day display. On purpose?
No, no. I don't think so. How long
has he been in a wheelchair?
Ever since he came to Portwenn.
I think six or seven years.
He used to have
a nice electric model and...
Oh, he never would have
broken anything with that.
And then a couple of months ago
he told me that had broken down,
and so he's now downgraded
to a manual version.
Interesting.
Bye, Doc.
Ah. Uh, Doctor?
I was hoping to bump into you.
If you're ill make an appointment.
No, I'm not ill.
I'm just keen to confirm
what I heard from Stu MacKenzie
about you and Miss Glasson.
What's he been saying
about me and Miss Glasson?
That you don't think she should
be our head teacher again.
That's right. that's true.
But she's the best we ever had.
I'm sure, but she didn't
have a baby back then, did she?
Why would having a baby
affect her performance?
Because very few women have
the mental and physical capacity
to work full time
and bring up a small child.
Only the best women in the world.
Miss Glasson's not one of those.
Come along, James. This way.
Any word from Imperial?
What?
About the job.
I'm seeing Robert
in a couple of weeks. Oh.
Give him my love. When?
I thought you wanted me to read
this and give you my thoughts. I do.
I can't think and arrange my diary
at the same time.
Won't say another word.
Thank you.
Really?
Oh, no. Perhaps you're right.
I am.
What are you doing?
You don't need any of this.
You put 'HSE' at the top,
the middle and the end.
It starts to feel repetitive.
Tell the reader what
you're gonna tell them, tell them,
then tell them
what you've told them.
Readers of the British Journal
Of Obstetrics And Gynaecology
aren't stupid.
They know what they're being told
without being warned of it in advance
and reminded of it at the end.
This whole page needs tightening.
You've become verbose.
You want me concise?
Yes.
I can be concise.
I can be...
..pithy, taut, succinct,
laconic, breviloquent?
When does this need to be finished?
I told the editor I'd email tonight.
Oh. better get a move on, then.
No, no.
I've got my laptop with me.
We can take our time,
keep polishing...
..till we're finished.
I've missed this.
SHARP KNOCK ON DOOR
Ahem.
It's bad enough you belittle me in
front of my colleagues and pupils,
but now I hear you're telling all
the governors not to vote for me.
Not all of them.
I am pregnant, Martin. I'm not ill.
I'm not the second class citizen
you seem to think I am.
Do you think I can't cope
with having a baby?
You know, your attitude towards me -
towards women, actually -
is predictably pompous
and chauvinistic,
which is exactly
why I never, ever thought
that you and I could be together.
Good evening.
Oh.
You've got company.
Obviously.
If you could possibly save the
squabbling till I'm out of earshot,
I'd be ever so grateful.
Wait a moment.
We'll speak in the morning.
No, we'll speak now.
Miss Glasson isn't staying.
Oh, yes, I am.
Of course you are.
So I'll take this with me
and try and imagine the fun
I'm missing here.
Thank you for all your suggestions,
Ellingham.
(SIGHS)
Try not to get too excited, Louisa.
It's not good for the baby.
Well, having succeeded
in ruining my evening,
is there anything else
you'd like to say to me?
How I decide to lead my life
is up to me.
What I don't need from you,
what I will never need from you...
(SOBS) ..is any kind of help.
Why are you crying?
(SOBS) I'm not crying.
(SNIFFS) Good evening.
Yes, but just mind out for the cars.
They come round here all the time,
for God's sake. I know that.
Now, you'll have to wait,
because I can't -
Oh, it's you, Dr Ellingham.
You've been paralysed
for at least seven years. What?
I have it on good authority
that you were unable to walk
when you first moved
to this village seven years ago.
So?
I don't like being lied to.
How do I look
if I sign a form for someone
who's clearly trying
to defraud the county council?
I'm not. I - You told me you'd
recently lost the use of your legs.
Well, I thought
there was some rule about
having to apply
for a Blue Badge straightaway.
You know, like the
statute of limitations. Nonsense.
What's happened to your face?
Nothing's happened. I'm fine.
Are you pathologically
incapable of telling the truth?
Maybe he doesn't trust someone
who stabs him with a needle.
It wasn't a needle.
I want to do our shopping!
Are you going to tell me why
you lied? No. Come along, Maureen.
Ow!
(GRUNTS)
(WHIMPERS)
Ah.
(GROANS)
GIRL: Look up there.
ALL EXCLAIM
What are you doing there, Al? Spent
the night with Louisa, did you?
So YOU got her pregnant.
ALL GIGGLE
Oh, God. I'm late.
Should have got Al to wake you.
He did.
Then I fell asleep again.
Why is he up so early?
He's gone to Padstow...
to look at that freezer.
Your mate that's got his new freezer
he's letting you have half-price.
Do you have any idea
what I'm talking about?
None whatsoever, no.
I keep hearing things.
What sort of things?
Sometimes it's like
a high-pitched whistling.
Sometimes it's more like a bell.
TELEPHONE RINGS
And now it sounds like a telephone.
That's because it is a telephone.
You can hear it, too?
Yes, I can.
But I shouldn't be able to
because my stupid receptionist should
have switched it through to her desk.
Al, it's me again. Where are you?
Can you give me a ring?
Love you.
Pauline!
What's this bit about two weeks
on Tuesday? What?
You've put a line through it.
Yes.
And 'NA' - does that mean something?
That means I won't be here that day.
Reschedule those appointments
and don't make any more.
Where will you be?
Somewhere else.
Doing what, exactly?
Mind your own business.
And when I'm with a patient
you answer the surgery telephone.
And don't make personal calls.
And tidy those magazines up.
Stick a broom up my backside,
I could sweep the floor, as well.
Yes, you could.
(SIGHS)
(SNEEZES)
Sally, you look awful.
Are you ok?
If you want to go home...
I do. I feel dreadful.
My hay fever is worse than ever.
Have you been to see Dr Ellingham?
Well, I did try,
but he was...you know.
Yeah, he can be a bit...you know.
But you might be infectious.
Don't you think you should
stay away from the school?
Maybe I should go back to the doctor.
Yeah, I think you should.
Mr Mackenzie, hello.
Miss Glasson, can we have a word?
Yes. Yeah, please. Come in.
Oh, sorry.
I hope this isn't a bad time.
Is it bad news?
Why don't we talk about that?
Firstly, let me say
you did an excellent interview
and we were all most impressed.
The two other candidates
were also good,
and it's been a very difficult
decision we've had to make.
I think I can guess what's coming.
Really?
Well, you don't look too happy,
so you're obviously all here
to tell me I didn't get the job.
Oh, don't worry about Graham.
His mother just died.
You're the new head, Louisa.
Really?
Congratulations.
Well, that's fantastic news.
Yeah, one in the eye
for Dr Know-it-all. Sorry?
Oh, Doc Martin said
we shouldn't appoint you.
Stuart.
But we have.
Well, I hope that's not
the only reason that I got the job.
Oh, no. of course not.
You were definitely
the best candidate. Wasn't she?
Huh? Yeah, absolutely.
But if it annoys the pompous bugger,
so much the better.
Oh, he's off his food.
Should I take him to the vets?
You haven't fixed your brake lights.
Does it really matter?
You can't drive like that.
It's against the law.
You need to book into a garage.
If you're so concerned
about the condition of my truck,
why don't you buy the brake lights
and fix them yourself?
All right, I will, if you want.
Won't your insurance cover it?
What's this I hear
about you not wanting Louisa
to be head teacher again?
Why are you being evasive? I may
have let my car insurance lapse.
Just a little.
What do you mean "just a little"?
You're either insured or you're not.
Well, I'm not.
I couldn't afford to renew
the policy, so I didn't.
You've been driving around
without insurance?
Have you any idea of the trouble
you'd be in if they caught you?
Well, of course I have. That's why
I lied to Penhale about the crash.
You lied to him?
Well, I thought it best to get away
before he asked too many questions.
Mrs McLynn drove into me,
but only my truck was damaged.
Would you rather I told the truth
and was arrested?
You wouldn't have been arrested.
You'd get a few points on
your licence and a hefty fine.
I can't afford to pay a fine,
hefty or otherwise
for the same reason that I can't
afford to renew my car insurance.
Are you telling me
that you don't have any money?
Not at the moment.
But in a little while,
if I ask them nicely,
the bank might give me some more.
Is he limping?
You mean you've already
taken out a loan?
Quite a few, actually.
Why didn't you come to me?
No, Martin. I can't take another
penny from you. You've done enough.
I've got to cope with this
on my own.
Right.
Well, Mrs McLynn
is at fault, Mrs McLynn must pay.
Thank you for the chicken.
BIRDS TWITTER
Hello?
Ah. Hello.
What do you want?
What are you doing here?
Um...
Maureen!
Ah, good. Your wife's here, is she?
She, needs to pay for the damage
to my aunt's truck.
Your aunt?
Joan Norton.
She drove into us.
No, she didn't.
Neville?
Did you call me?
Yes. Dr Ellingham's here.
I think he wants some money.
You smashed the brake lights
on my aunt's truck
and I think you should
pay for some new ones.
I didn't know what to say.
Has Mrs Norton told the police
what really happened? No.
And she's not going to?
I very much doubt it.
In that case, if you send the bill
I'll send a cheque. Fair enough?
Uh, yes.
And you can see yourself out,
please.
Uh, thank you. Ahem.
SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC
(SIGHS)
ENGINE STARTS
Oh, for God's sake.
LIVELY MUSIC
GIRLS LAUGH
Oh, look, there's Pauline.
Do you think she heard about Al?
No, course not.
Ooh, he's a proper lover boy.
It's pretty sad when
your boyfriend's sleeping around.
What was that about Al? Do you
not know about him and Louisa?
We saw them.
Together.
Al's shirt was off.
She must know.
You've gotta know. Everyone knows.
Al's pretty fit, though?
I was wondering if I could
see the doctor this morning.
(SIGHS) I really don't
feel very well.
Could you check
to see if he's got any time?
Yeah, I could check to see
if he's got any time.
First patient.
Um...
Sally Chadwick. Already here.
Come through.
I'm sorry I had to leave
the other day. Mm.
(SIGHS) I feel ten times worse now.
Take a seat.
In what way worse, exactly?
My nose won't stop running.
I've got a sore throat.
I feel shivery.
THERMOMETER BEEPS
(SIGHS)
39.
That's not good.
That's not hay fever. Lie on
the couch and loosen your blouse.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna examine you, just
as I would have done the other day
if you'd stayed
for more than 30 seconds.
I went to Spain for a half-term.
Ibiza, actually.
It was lovely.
Very warm, very balmy.
You have a tattoo.
(SIGHS) I don't know
what I was thinking.
It's a tiger.
We all want things
we probably shouldn't, don't we?
No. Your skin is abraded.
Have you tried to remove it?
(SIGHS) I hate it.
I can't believe I did it.
I read about salt crystals
on the Internet.
I couldn't afford laser treatment.
So you thought
you'd try and rub your skin off
regardless of the danger
to your health.
Having risked hepatitis and HIV
by allowing your skin
to be pierced with needles,
you then perform
an unhygienic procedure on yourself,
which leads to an infection.
Well done.
Just the kind of self-inflicted
injury we GPs thrive on.
Can you help me?
I'm prescribing you antibiotics.
What about the tiger?
What if someone sees it?
When you're feeling better
we'll complete the dermabrasion...
..under sterile conditions.
Oh. Thank you.
Miss Glasson was worried
I might be infectious.
You're not.
She got the job, by the way.
Permanent head teacher, she got it.
Oh, God.
Next patient!
They saw him there
in Louisa's bedroom, kissing.
They're winding you up, girl.
You know what those girls are like.
Yeah, they're evil.
Which is why you shouldn't
believe a word they're saying.
Normally I wouldn't,
but then I thought,
why would Al start making up stories
about Bodmin and Padstow
or whatever
if he weren't doing something
he shouldn't?
Now, you listen to me.
I'm gonna see Louisa right away.
I'm gonna ask her
if there's anything going on
and she's gonna tell me the truth,
because that girl respects me.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Don't be so bloody stupid.
Me and Al, kissing?
That's the rumour
going round the village.
Well, I hope you're putting a stop
to that rumour.
I will do when I'm sure
there's no truth in it.
Well, of course there's no truth in
it. Why would I be kissing your son?
He's a good-looking boy.
He's quite a catch.
Especially if you're looking
for a husband. But I'm not.
Well, you'll be wanting someone
to help with the baby, won't you?
No, and even if I was,
Al would be the last person
that I'd turn to.
Well, second to last.
Is it true?
Is what true?
That you were kissing Al.
That you've been made head teacher.
That's right.
This is when you say,
"Congratulations".
No, it isn't. This is when I say
I think you're mad.
Well, congratulations.
Go away.
Oh. Watch out.
What?
(SIGHS) Dr Ellingham.
Oh.
Yes, Dr Ellingham. What do you want?
I've got that application for
a Blue Badge from the county council.
I filled in the GP section.
Just get your husband to put
his details there and there.
I'm sure we can
sort it out for ourselves.
Thank you very much.
I don't really think you
should be driving, Mrs McLynn.
Leave me alone. Why don't
you pull over here and stop?
No. Look, I think we both
know what's wrong with you.
Hey, stop!
You're blind!
Ah! Oh!
Are you hurt?
I think I'll live.
Right.
That form I gave you was an
application for car insurance
for my aunt.
If you were able to see properly
you'd have noticed the words
"application for car insurance"
written across it.
You knocked me over.
It's cos she's blind.
What?
Well, that's all right.
I tell her which way to turn,
when to accelerate, when to stop.
I can see round the edges.
You have peripheral vision?
Yes, I'm not completely blind.
Oh, well, that's all fine, then.
No, it's not.
I'm pretty sure it's illegal.
Of course it's illegal.
I want you to come to my surgery
at 6pm tonight.
Who? me?
No, not you, you.
Me and you, kissing? Your dad seemed
to think I'm desperate for a bloke.
Oh.
He didn't tell Pauline, did he?
No.
Phew.
She told him.
Oh.
Now...
How much have I got there?
L194.50.
Right.
Tell you what, you can give me
the rest tomorrow, eh?
Gosh. Thanks.
The thing is, I didn't tell Pauline
I was working for you,
so she might think it's all
a bit, you know, suspicious.
Do you want me to explain
what you've been up to?
I'm sure she'll believe me.
No, no. I can, um,
I can sort this on my own...
..probably.
While I'm here, can I book a table
for Saturday night? Yeah, sure.
It's to celebrate
me getting my old job back,
so I've asked all the staff.
So that's a table for how many?
Uh, ooh, I'll need
to ask Miss Chadwick. Right.
Um...
Great. No battery.
You can use our phone if you want.
Thanks. Is it just...
Yeah, it's just down there
on the left.
Have I interrupted something?
Eh?
You and Louisa.
Now, Pauline, don't worry.
I know there's been rumours.
You were kissing each other.
No, no. That did not happen.
You were seen with Louisa
in Louisa's house.
Well, yes, I suppose it is possible
that someone did see me in there.
You do realise she's pregnant.
Well, yeah, cos her belly
kind of gives it away.
Is it yours?
What?
Oh, God. Did you make her pregnant?
You're being silly now, Pauline.
How could you fancy someone...obese?
Do you ever think about fat girls?
Do you dream about fat girls?
No, I could never fancy a fat girl,
and you can't get much fatter
than Louisa.
Look, Louisa...
Now see what you've done.
Louisa?
Oh.
Seven years ago
when my husband was driving
a girl fell off her motorbike
up ahead.
We didn't see her till we came round
the corner, and then the crash.
Stop talking. Look straight ahead.
They wanted to cut my legs off.
Doctors kept on and on about
risk of infection and gangrene,
that I'd never walk again.
We don't like doctors.
No.
Is that why you didn't
come and see me about your eyes?
I was worried
you'd do something unpleasant.
What? Like prevent
you from going blind?
When did you start
to lose your sight?
Um, four, five months ago.
I didn't feel safe
walking around anymore.
Yes, I stopped using
the electric wheelchair
and then Maureen
just held on to my handles.
I couldn't help pushing him
into the occasional door,
hence his cuts and bruises.
What I still don't understand
is why you lied
about how long you'd been disabled.
Well, we thought you'd be suspicious
if we said that we'd managed without
a Blue Badge for seven years,
but Maureen does need one now,
cos she's gotta park on yellow lines
where there are no other cars,
you see?
Right. You're suffering from
age-related macular degeneration.
You're lucky, though.
We've caught it in time.
There's a good chance
I can restore most of your vision.
It won't be painful? I mean,
you won't do anything horrible?
Of course not. I'll treat you
with VEGF inhibitors.
Ah. Those are pills?
Injections.
Into her arm?
Into her eyeball.
You're going to...
..insert needles into her eyeballs
and inject the inhibitors directly
into the base of each retina.
Problem?
The 'BJOG' got my email last night.
The editor was on the phone
this morning
saying he'd sent it to the 'RCOG'.
They want me to be keynote speaker
at their AGM.
Is that so surprising?
I'm just wondering why you're opening
champagne when neither of us drinks.
It's a fizzy elderflower cordial.
Oh.
The venue for this bunfight's
not far. Some hotel in Exeter.
You might want to come with me,
Ellingham.
Moral support?
Think about it?
Cheers.
Mm.
I've got you something.
It's a little out of date,
but I think it should do the job.
Open it up.
If ever you need reassurance
you can cope
just give it a squeeze.
You did say you were fine now, yes?
Ellingham?
Ellingham? Ellingham!
You passed out.
Oh. Obviously.
You're going to have
to fix this once and for all.
Otherwise you can forget
about London.
Ahem.
I didn't tell you
I was working for Louisa
cos then you would have asked me
why I needed the money.
Why do you need the money?
For this.
God, it's a scooter!
Yep.
Ah!
Mm...
It's 50cc. Pull-back.
V5, Mark 2. It's French.
In case you ever feel trapped with
me and Dad, you can always escape.
Let me take you somewhere right now.
Where?
To apologise to Louisa.
You said she was fat.
No, you said she was fat.
No, I said she was obese.
Oh. Obese.
(LAUGHS) Whoo-hoo!
(SHRIEKS AND GIGGLES)
HORN HONKS
Al wants to say sorry!
What?
Al want to apologise!
Huh?
Al wants to apologise.
You're not fat.
I'm enormous! Yeah, but
it's only because you're pregnant.
And Al's not the father, is he?
No.
This is the name
of an excellent therapist.
You don't want it?
No.
Yes...