Doc Martin (2004–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Of All the Harbours in All the Towns - full transcript

Good morning; Elaine.

No; it isn't.

I'll be five minutes.
I'm just popping down...

Yeah.

- Morning; Louisa.
- Hi; Martin.

- Oh; sorry.
- I'll get it. Don't worry.

Sorry. I've agreed to surfing club;
of all things.

What clinched it
was the kids saying I was too old.

Nonsense.
People of all ages go surfing.

Perhaps you should come along.

Be great to see you out of that suit.



And in a wet suit.

Sorry.

Bye.

(outboard motor whirring)

Right; sir.
We'll soon have you up. Here.

Nice and easy; now.
Give us your hand.

- OK; Doc. All under control.
- I'm all right.

Let's get him up.
Can you hear me?

I'm Dr Ellingham.
Do you know your name?

- Marty?
- OK; Marty; do you think you can walk?

Not me; you.
You're little Marty.

Here; lean on me; sir.
It's a bit slippery here. There we are.

Look straight ahead; please.

Watch my finger.



Hm.

Any light-headedness or dizziness?

No.

- And what went wrong with your dinghy?
- Dunno. The throttle jammed.

Hm.

Well; you don't seem concussed.
Take your shirt off. I'll examine your chest.

- No; thanks. I'm fine.
- If you don't let me examine you...

I said I'm fine.

Right.

If you give me your details; I'll contact your GP
and inform him of your fineness.

I'd like you to stay in the surgery for an hour;
for observation.

- You don't remember me; do you?
- No; I don't.

Slater.

John Slater?

Friend of Joan's.

I used to live round here; moons ago.

I once took you and Joan to Padstow
on my boat for the day;

but we had to come back early cos...

you wet yourself
and Joan didn't have a spare pair of trousers.

That must be an amusing memory for you.
The name and address of your GP?

I don't have a GP. I live in Hong Kong.
How are they?

- Who?
- Joan and Phil.

Phil? Well; Phil is dead.

- He's dead?
- Years ago.

- And Joan?
- Joan's as strong as an ox.

Yeah... I'll bet.

- What happened to him?
- I don't know.

- You must know.
- I was too busy wetting myself to notice.

If you're a friend of Joan's;
why not ask her?

- (girl wailing and shouting)
- I will.

- She still got the farm?
- (girl) Oh; my arm! Argh!

Excuse me.

- (boy) I bloody warned you!
- (girl) You tosser; you killed my arm!

- What the hell's going on?
- He killed my arm!

- It's not my fault.
- Let me have a look at it.

- Don't touch it!
- What happened?

- He kung fu-ed me.
- I warned you.

- She thinks she owns the remote control.
- Doc; help me!

- What's your name?
- Melanie.

Melanie; you go through to the surgery.
And you; wait there.

Thanks for the sandals; little Marty.
I'll bring 'em back.

- Wait...
- Help me!

- All right. Keep going. Straight through.
- Ow!

- Pillock.
- (Melanie) Ow! Please help me!

- Don't touch it! I told you not to touch it!
- All right. OK.

- Argh!
- I think you've dislocated your shoulder.

- I just want to check for fractures.
- Please leave me alone!

(sobbing) Please help me!

What are you doing?
(screaming) No! No! No!

- Let's see...
- Oh; please!

- (snap)
- Argh!

- There.
- (whimpers)

All right; now face me.

Yep.

- How did you do that?
- Dislocated shoulder.

Might be sore for a couple of days.
If you have any problems; come and see me.

- My God.
- Hm.

- Bye.
- Yes.

You know reception's rubbish here; don't you?

You get; like; one bar.

Your stuffs arrived at the pharmacy.
You'd better go get it.

Er; no...

- (smash)
- Just don't speak to me now; innit.

(typing)

(door opens)

- Morning; Doc.
- Al.

- That thing is crap.
- (sniggers) Morning; Elaine.

And the printer don't work.

Well; come and show me what you're doing.

- You and Greg still?
- It's history.

Yeah. I told him.

- You all right?
- Yeah. Like I even care.

- (phone rings)
- Yeah?

Yeah; it's the surgery.

Mm. Open till six. Yeah.

So; look.

Yeah. And click.

And...

There.

(printer hums)

(gasps) How'd you do that?

Get a grip. It's not that clever.

- Auntie Joan?
- Marty.

There's a man in town claiming to be
a friend of yours. John Slater. Obnoxious.

He didn't know that Uncle Phil had died.

John?

- Where is he?
- His yacht's moored just round the headland.

- But... But he lives in Hong Kong.
- He crashes his dinghy in Portwenn.

- Is he all right?
- Yeah; I think so.

Bert Large tried to concuss him;
but with no success.

- Well; is he all right?
- Yes; I just said he was.

Good. Good.
Well; now; if he...

If he asks after me;
tell him I'm not; erm... I've...

I've gone up to London; for business.

- Why?
- Oh; do stop asking questions.

- I'm just not here.
- He's already asked about you.

- Well; I don't want to see him.
- And he's standing right behind you.

- I think Joan would rather be left alone.
- Bugger off; little Marty.

- Wait a moment...
- No; it's all right. It's all right; Marty.

- You're looking good.
- What are you doing here?

I'm just passing through.
Just... Just touring on the yacht.

Well; look; you can't just...
pop up after...

Maybe we could get together
and visit some of the old haunts. Hm?

No; John; I...
I think it would be...

I think it would be best if you just...
got back on your boat.

Hiya. How are you?

- Why?
- You really saved me.

I was just doing my job.

I made you a cake; to say thank you.

A cake? Er; Melanie...

- I bet nobody remembers to say thank you.
- You're right. They don't.

So go on. I used my mum's
best cooking chocolate.

Well... thank you.
It looks very nice.

Well; you're very nice.

I'm sure you're very nice; too.

See ya.

Excuse me.
I brought Marty's shoes back. Is he about?

(breathes heavily)

- What have you been doing?
- What is your problem?

- I've brought your shoes back; OK?
- No; I mean you look flushed.

Yeah; well; I'd forgotten about Cornwall.
Everywhere is uphill.

No; no; no.
Your breathing shouldn't be that laboured.

I'll have a look at you.
Come through.

Do you have a history of heart trouble?

In more ways than one.

- Why didn't you tell me?
- I didn't come here for medical care.

You have a very eccentric heartbeat.

Atrial fibrillation. I got rheumatic fever
when I first went to Hong Kong.

Embolism. Angioplasty. Stent.
You name it.

Are you taking any medication?

The boat rattles every time I go about.

So your dinghy.
That wasn't a jammed throttle; was it?

No. I forget the technical term.

Sometimes when I stand up
my blood pressure drops.

- Orthostatic hypotension.
- Yeah. I lose control.

It doesn't last very long;
and it's not a problem on the open sea.

It's not a great idea in a motorboat; though;
is it? Could have killed someone.

- (Martin breathes deeply)
- Yeah.

You OK?

(sniffs)

I'll send the; er... blood for a sedimentation rate
check and book you in for some tests in Truro.

No; thanks.

You don't understand.
You could be seriously ill.

Look; I didn't come all this way
to sit in a hospital in Truro.

I'm not sending you for tests
because I like you.

I'm not going to hospital;
whether you like me or not.

Fine. That's your lookout.

Blood tests will be ready
in a couple of days.

By the way.

I don't want Joan to know about this.

You understand?

It's none of my business; but don't...

What?

- Don't upset Joan?
- Yeah.

You're right - none of your business.

(faint music on personal stereo)

Lunch?

What?

You wanna get one of those iPods.
Yeah. Let me load it up for you.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. You can groove all day to one of those.

- Don't say "groove". (scoffs)
- OK.

Pint; mate.

The Corrs.
You like them?

Yeah.

- What d'you listen to?
- I dunno. All sorts.

Well; I like a bit of rap.
Got Eminem in the van.

A bit of Dido. Alanis.

- D'you like Portishead?
- Portishead; yeah.

- "Glory Box"; brilliant song.
- Yeah. Innit?

And have you heard John Martyn's cover of
"Glory Box"? Now; that is unreal.

You know John Martyn?

Like; no one knows John Martyn.

Know him?
I've got every single album.

- (mobile phone rings)
- Have you heard his remix version of...

Hello?

Yeah; Dad; I'm coming over later.

Whatever.
I dunno. Whatever!

(sighs)

(hammering)

- Auntie Joan.
- Oh! What are you after; Marty?

- Just wanted to check you were all right.
- I'm always all right. Been all right all my life.

Good old reliable Joan.

Why the sudden interest?

This man; erm... Slater.

- John.
- Yeah. There's something wrong with him.

Oh; for God's sake; Marty!

D'you think he's come
to stake a claim to my millions?

Well; it's just that; erm...
I can tell...

- Obviously he's hurt you in the past.
- Oh; Marty.

Your ideas of relationships are
firmly stuck in the 18th century.

I hurt him.
I sent him away.

So please...

don't make assumptions about whether people
are decent or not until you have the facts.

What? So you were enamoured;
were you?

We were lovers.

- But you married Phil.
- Indeed.

What? So this John Slater...
can't cope that you decided to marry Phil?

I had already married Phil.

Oh.

Yes; "Oh".

Right. I see. Sorry.

Oh; Martin!

Go and do your job.
Cure a few people.

Excuse me.

Martin came over
and I found myself speaking up for you;

so I decided it would be churlish
not to speak to you.

I've just been hearing about Phil.
I'm sorry.

I hope there are nicer ways to go
than motor neurone.

And I hope there are people who nurse
their loved ones better than I did.

I wish I'd known.

What would have been the point?
You'd just got married.

Have you brought your wife with you?

My wife? Who; Amy?

- Amy lasted... five minutes.
- Oh.

- Amy wasn't you.
- Don't be ridiculous.

It's true.
I gave up on marriage after that.

- Then why didn't you come back?
- You sent me away.

What could I do? I was in exile.
I was alone; not a penny in the world.

Oh; yes!
And how long did that last?

Yeah; well; the...
the finances managed to sort themselves out.

They certainly did.
You were listed on the Hang Seng Index.

- That took a little longer.
- If there was a stock market for womanisers;

you'd be listed on that; too.

What about...
What about now?

What about us?

John...

I haven't got room in my life... nowadays.

And... and anyway; we're both 105.

(letterbox opens)

Melanie?

Can't stop. I'm meeting Dad at the leisure centre.
He goes mental if you're late.

- How was the cake?
- Fine; thank you.

- You didn't have to give me a card as well.
- Yeah; I did. You're lovely.

People don't realise. They think you're Bodmin;
but you're not. You're fab.

- Any doctor would have done what I did.
- Yeah; but you're special.

You were the big boss in London;
weren't you?

- I was a surgeon; yes.
- See; you don't go boasting neither.

Listen...

Did you know our names
begin with the same letter?

- What?
- Martin. Melanie.

- (Melanie's brother) Oi; brain dead!
- Melanie...

Come on.

Got to go. See ya.

Oh; God.

All right?

- Been looking for you.
- Yeah?

- How come you never asked me out?
- You was with Greg; so...

Yeah.
Also; you were a bit of a non.

- Yeah; I suppose I was.
- Yeah.

- But you're not a non any more.
- Right.

So... you could ask me out.

OK.

- D'you wanna go out?
- I don't know!

- Are you a good kisser?
- I don't know.

(girls giggling)

- (girl) Who's that?
- It's Al!

Yeah; it's Al and me.
So shut it.

You haven't seen nothing; innit.

Sorry; Elaine.

- Not bad. You got a lush bum.
- Thanks.

Right; you can call me.
But I'm not your girlfriend; OK?

- Right.
- Right.

OK.

OK.

- Hello; er; Melanie.
- I brought Mary.

Thought you could walk your dog; too.
That way; no one would suspect anything.

Suspect what?
I don't have a dog.

You know what.
And you so have got a dog.

I think there's been
a bit of a misunderstanding.

- Like what?
- Like that I... could be interested in you.

- But you took my cake.
- I was being polite.

You said I was a nice person.

Don't worry.
I wouldn't tell anyone.

Well; that would be because
there's nothing to tell.

Couldn't tell anyone till I was 16 anyway.

Cause all kinds of trouble.

(mobile phone rings)

Yeah?

Al; don't call me when I'm arriving at work.
Wait till I'm in.

No! I said 8:35; not 8:30.

Yeah.

(exasperated sigh)

Spend the day with me.

Yeah; I know what you're thinking.

Give in now; I might get the wrong idea
and come back every 30 years.

It's a risk.

Son; is everything all right?

(mobile phone rings)

Hello; Al.

- What do you want?
- (phone rings)

Look; it's not my job to have something to say.
You phoned me; innit.

Hang on.
Portwenn surgery.

Yeah.

No; you can't just come in whenever;
can you?

Hang on.

Phone back when you have got
some conversation; then.

Yeah.

Oh.

- Mark?
- Hi there; Doc. All right?

Yeah.
I just want to run something by you.

- What's that?
- There's a girl; a young girl.

Seems she's become besotted with me.

- Oh; right.
- Yeah. It's a problem.

Yeah; well;
a problem I wouldn't mind having.

- Well; you would with this one.
- Huh.

I mean; I cannot...
I mean; why you mention it?

You know I haven't been lucky
in that department.

- It's not a competition.
- Why'd you run up and tell me; then?

I invite you for a drink; you don't really come.
I got that whisky - still full.

Then there's this girl on the scene; here you are.
I'm not interested.

- Mark; she's 15.
- I can't condone that.

- She's a patient.
- That's worse.

That's what I'm saying. It's worse.
And I want to be completely clear.

I have no interest; romantic or otherwise;
in a 15-year-old girl.

I relocated her shoulder;
and now I'm her hero.

Oh; right.
So it's Melanie Gibson; is it?

- Yeah.
- You've told her you're not interested?

Unfortunately; I told her
I thought she was a nice person.

That was unwise; in the circumstances.

It was before I knew that she was...
you know.

She'd made me a cake
and I just wanted to be polite.

You do know; in Portwenn;
if you accept a girl's cake;

that means you're engaged.

Oh; very funny; Mark.

Don't disappoint her; now.
You know her dad's a martial arts nut?

Tae kwon do.
Teaches up the leisure centre.

- Thank you; Mark.
- Ah.

"The way of the foot and the fist" -
tae kwon do.

- It hasn't changed.
- You should have told me.

I would have brought
the cheese and pickle sandwiches.

I think we've...
we've probably moved on a bit since then.

Hey; look at this.

Somebody's; er...

Somebody seems to have left a hamper here.
Let's have a look.

There's some champagne.
Strawberries.

Some cheese and pickle sandwiches.

(chuckles)

Elaine; why haven't you opened the post?

- Excuse me; I've been busy.
- (phone rings)

Surgery.

Elaine.

- We should get a direct line for Greg.
- It's not Greg; actually.

- Then obviously my point doesn't stand.
- No.

Yeah?

Yeah; I've got it.

Milk and two sugars.

Yeah.

Yeah.

(Al) All right.
So I'll ring you at five; yeah?

All right. Bye. Bye.

- Bye.
- Look; son.

I know it's your phone bill
and you got money coming in.

That's fine. That's good.
But it's not the point.

You do know that these mobile phones can
damage head membranes; if used to excess.

- Dad; I've got Bluetooth.
- I'm not surprised. That's exactly my point.

And we're late for Mrs Braithwaite's soil pipe.

Look; son;
just tell me this; right. Man to man.

You're not calling one of those
Internet sex-change rooms; are you?

(scoffs)

(starts engine)

Thank you; for a wonderful day.

You don't have to go home; you know.

You can come back to the boat and...
spend the night there.

After Portwenn;
where were you going to go?

When you thought you were
just dropping in on us.

Oh; I had it all mapped out.

Down the coast; across to Ireland - Cork -

back again; and up to the Western Isles.

Fancy someone to crew for you?

I'll have to make a few arrangements;
but what do you think?

- Are you sure?
- Yes. Absolutely.

Thank you; Doctor.

Come in; sit down.
I'll be right with you.

Now; what seems to be the problem?

Melanie.
Shouldn't you be at school?

- I'm not well; am I?
- What's the matter?

I can't concentrate on my lessons.

Now; I want to be very clear.
You're not to come here again. Understand?

(phone rings)

- Not now; Elaine.
- What if I'm ill?

- The hospital want to talk about a blood test.
- Put them on hold.

If you need medical help;
then you have to come with an adult.

- I'm ugly; aren't I?
- No; you're not ugly.

You're a patient;
and you're 15 years old.

Miss Glasson is a patient.
You fancy her.

Dr Ellingham; it's the path lab
at the hospital here.

Is everything all right?

Yep.
Yep; just hold on a moment; please.

Melanie; go away; please.
Now.

Yeah?

John Slater. Yes.

Yes.

What about the ESR?

(sharp intake of breath) Right.

Have you seen your face?

You're in one of the most beautiful places; and
you look as if you've a cactus up your jacksy.

I've had some results back
from the blood I took.

- It's bad news?
- Yes.

Doctors all over the world have
given me bad news. I'm still tap-dancing.

- Rheumatic heart disease.
- I told you that.

- What was my ESR score?
- High.

But there's worse; I'm afraid.

They've grown a streptococcus
on the blood sample.

Which means you have
infective endocarditis.

- How long?
- Impossible to say without further tests.

If you had to guess.

With some work on your leaky valves;
and depending on the lining of your heart...

Just tell me.

A year. Six months.

Go away; Marty.

I need to talk to Joan.

Well; that's the other thing; actually.
Given your state of health;

do you think it's appropriate for you
to carry on like a teenager with my aunt?

What is it that really frightens you?

That I might steal some of Joan's love from you?

People ask me what I'm doing back here.
Why did you come back?

You came back to Cornwall to have
some kind of midlife crisis with your auntie.

What's all that about?

And I bet you still wet yourself.

- Auntie Joan.
- You got five minutes?

Yes.

Marty...

I think I still love him.

- Right.
- I think I always have.

Told him I didn't; sent him away.
Now it... it's possible.

I mean; before there was... there was Phil.
And there was you.

But now...
now there's no earthly reason why...

Except that I'm a certified ancient monument.

Is it mad for a woman of my age?
Yes; it is; isn't it?

- Well; I don't think it's a good idea.
- You don't think anything's a good idea.

No; I really don't think it's a good idea.

- Why not?
- He's; erm...

He's not going to; erm...

Marty; I don't need your blessing; but...
I would like it.

Mm.

Why did you say
there was Phil and there was me?

You remember when you asked me
why your visits stopped?

Dad.

Yes. Somehow or other;
he found out about me and John;

and he said he wouldn't have you staying with
a woman "guilty of gross moral turpitude".

It was a very effective threat.

He knew that I loved you like a son.

So you sent John away for me?

Oh; don't get carried away.
For you...

and for Phil as well.

Well; say something; Marty.
Oh; come on.

Be happy for me.

Agh!

(cries)

- I thought it would be like Romeo and Juliet.
- Well; yeah...

- Bye.
- No; not through the window; Melanie!

Front door is fine.

(door opens and closes)

Al!

What you doing; boy?

I crisped up the bacon; the way you like it.
Now it's cold.

- Have it in the van.
- I don't think I'm gonna come in today.

- What?
- I've got a few things to do here first.

OK.

OK; that's fine.
I can manage on my own.

OK.

OK. OK; lad.

(music plays)

Auntie Joan; er; it's me.

I've been calling you.
It's Martin.

Erm... I hate these bloody machines.

I need to talk to you confidentially
about John Slater.

I wonder if you'd call me back.
Thank you.

(knocking)

- Erm...
- Elaine.

Could you cancel my appointments? I need
to go and see Melanie Gibson's parents.

- Can you give me their address; too; please?
- Her dad's here. He wants to see you.

(whispers) Elaine.

Does he know I'm here?

Yeah; cos you are here.

- You Ellingham?
- Y-Yes. Yes; I am.

Please come in.
Take a seat; please.

No; thanks.

- My daughter baked you a cake.
- Er; yes; she did.

- Thank you for coming...
- You tell her she was a nice person?

- Yes; I did.
- I know she's been back here.

- I know she's been in your bedroom.
- If you...

You know what young girls are like.

I've seen her grow away from me
in recent months.

Classic early pubescent phase.

I've been expecting a bit of transference
onto another authority figure; and here we are.

You just happened to be
in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I'm sorry.

You fix her shoulder;
tell her what a nice person she is;

next minute she thinks you're God's gift.

- Silly girl.
- (mutters nervously)

I hope you haven't been
overly inconvenienced.

No; no.
No; not at all. No.

I've spoken to her; and I'll keep an eye on her
over the next couple of weeks.

- Thank you very much.
- Nice to meet you.

And nice to meet you; too.

Just one thing.

Any chance of that cake tin back?

John!

What's the big emergency?

Found another girl to crew for you?

We; er... we need to talk.

What's the matter?

I told you that I was...
I was no longer married.

That's not true.

But I... I thought you said it didn't last.

With Amy; no.
I met someone else.

Oh.

She phoned me this morning.

She's coming in for a surprise visit.

Flying into Newquay.
I'm taking the boat round there to pick her up.

- What's her name?
- Doesn't matter what her name...

Laura.

So; er...

So what's all this been about; John?

A bit of fun.
I didn't think you'd take it so seriously.

What happened to you; John?

You used to be such a decent man.

Nah; not me.
You must be thinking of somebody else.

Clearly. I don't know who I feel sorry for most -
you or your wife.

I have spent the last 30 years
thinking that I had broken your heart.

Well; your heart; if you have one;
is obviously rotten to the core.

(mobile phone rings)

Yeah?

Hi; Greg.

Yeah; well; if you're so sorry;
you should have called me.

Yeah?

Yeah?

Greg! (giggles)

Yeah?

Marty?
What on earth are you doing here?

- Did you get my answerphone message?
- What? What answerphone message?

- What's the matter?
- I have been a stupid; stupid fool!

So... there you have it.

He's sailing at first light.

You knew there was something wrong;
and I wouldn't listen.

I thought you were behaving like a baby;

with your nose put out of joint.

I thought you'd say anything
to put me off him.

I'm sorry.
I underestimated you.

Hey; you!
What the hell do you think you're playing at?

- If I'd know you were married...
- What would you do? Punch my lights out?

Sink my boat?

You'd have been a big man; wouldn't you?

- Shut up!
- You've no idea; have you?

Do you know what she did for me
30 years ago?

She let me go.
I'm just returning the favour.

- What the hell are you talking about?
- She's already nursed one dying man.

I'm not gonna let her do that again.

- So I lied to her.
- D'you mean you're not married?

That's right; yeah.
I had to stop her in her tracks.

I'm not married. No wife.
There's never been anyone except Joan.

You should tell her the truth.
You should see the state she's in.

She'll be upset
for a couple of weeks perhaps; but...

better than six months;
watching me fall apart.

What are you doing here?

I couldn't sleep.

All those times you brought me up here -
was it always to watch him sail?

I'm sorry.
Affairs taint everything; don't they?

- But there were good times; too; weren't there?
- Yeah; yeah.

Well; you hated his guts;
so you'll be pleased to see him go.

What you said before
about me behaving like; erm...

about me feeling displaced.

Well; perhaps there was some...
perhaps there was some truth in that.

I'd have said anything to put you off him.

You didn't underestimate me.

But I... underestimated John.

Marty; if you know something;
you've got to tell me.

OK.

(sobs)